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Hi, Mastin. Hello. So your mom, money is equal to mom, was, like, such a bomb for me just because I have a mother wound, And it's something that my relationship with money is, like, mixed in a sense that there's always that backdrop of the fear of running out. And so I actually have to do everything that whenever I do have money, I make sure that I'm spending it wisely because I don't want to be in a position
wherein I will run out of it before I finish it. And is there any part of you that feels like that mirrors childhood patterning? So I totally like, one of the reasons why I went and came came here is because whatever I learned, which I don't agree because I I was wounded, I don't wanna revisit that with my kids. So I'm trying to change my mindset about money, but at the same time, it still comes up because that mother wound is still not healed. That's right. And guess
what? You don't need to heal it to be successful in business. Okay. Because that's that's the thing that is like, do I need to heal that first before I can No. That's that's exact so I'm so happy you said that. Becoming successful in business is what will heal it. Okay. Not let me go do therapy on this forever. Right? And then all of a sudden, I'm gonna, like, you know, have some major, breakthrough that will then allow me to do my business. Does that make sense? Mhmm. Yeah. Right.
So how does that feel for you? I'm curious. It's reaffirming, because I know that I've done a lot of work getting to where I am now, but I felt like this next level up is like I have this big, huge, baggage that I've been wanting to shed. And I feel like with you saying that, it's like reaffirming in a sense that it's time for me to actually just leave it be and move on. That's right. That makes a lot of sense to me. So I think that, like and let's just think about this in the context of
coaching business success for a second. Okay? So when you think about this in the context of coaching business success, you do not need to resolve this to be successful. Being successful is what will help you resolve it, just so we're super clear. What we want is the part that's presenting right now to not be the CEO of your business. Mhmm. It can still be here. It can be right here in your passenger seat. We still want to drive your decision making. Okay.
Because we're gonna create a life based on the life you want to have, not based on life that you did have. Because basically then what you're doing is you're letting, like, a one year old run your business, which we don't want. Does that make sense? Yeah. Right? So beautiful. Yeah. I mean, I could tell you that, like, even in my own life, like, I still have a lot of these things that present. They just don't make the decisions on a day to day basis. Who follows? Does this make sense
y'all? Does this make sense to you? Is this landing? Yes? Okay. How do you avoid the scary things again? You don't avoid them. That would be the answer just so we're super clear. Alright. So let's keep going. So one of the things I want you to think about is that, healing your relationship with money is a the the I'm gonna use a clinical term here. Okay? But this is important for us to understand. So if we look at self activation for a second and examples of self activation, right,
that means you're existing. So self activation could be like saying no or setting a limit or a boundary. Right? That's you existing. Expressing yourself, in social media. Right? That could be, self activation. Talking about individual preferences, what you actually want or like. Right? Being able to admit that you're competent and capable at something. Right? Sometimes we pretend like we're not competent or capable to keep people close to us. Right? Creating tension or asserting
yourself. Right? So if you're like, no. I don't wanna do this or pushing back on client objections. Right, or disagreeing with somebody in public. Right? Improving your emotional self regulation. Right? From less reliance on other people to regulate you and more learning how to regulate yourself. That doesn't mean we don't co regulate. We need co regulation. Right? But we wanna realize that, like, I can improve my self regulation. Expressing different
opinions. Right? If what I want or need is different from what you want or need, I'm activating myself. Right? Being able to confidently push back and navigate sales objections. Okay? Spending money on things that you want to do, not on just what other people want. Starting a business, going live on social media, charging for your services, right, creating financial security and breaking family money patterns, taking time for self care, okay, choosing to do a personal development
journey, right, or invest in yourself, creativity. Right? So who here can see that activating your entrepreneurial nervous system is also activating parts of yourself that have been dormant up until now? Who here can see that loud and clear? Right? If you want to be successful in business, right, we really wanna focus on these this understanding of how things work. Because if we don't realize that, like, wait a minute. I'm choosing to take up space, then everything,
it has a different context. Okay? So what this means is is that everything you're doing moving forward is self activation. And so you're coming up against a traditional problem, which is I want to become myself, but I need emotional supply, and I'm at conflict. I can't take up space because a part of me will feel abandoned. A part of me will feel neglected. Does that make sense y'all? Is that making sense? So when you think about money and how hard it is or easy it is to get, that those rules
are coming from when you were younger. Right? So this is the tension you're going to live in to embodiment because activation says I have it in the moment, but embodiment says let me rewire this conditioning from when I was very young. And that doesn't just happen in a weekend. It happens over time with training and conditioning over time. Who follows? Does this make sense? Is this making sense? Right? Because when you have this this, like, moment and your parts of you are like, oh,
well, that's not real. It's like, of course, it's not real. Right? Because it hasn't been real for you to be exist in this way. Right? We associate becoming your true self or activating your entrepreneurial nervous system with abandonment for the people that you love on some level. Right? Especially, from our childhood. Right? So it's like think about this. What's the thing you have to do to make more money? Speak up, charge more, know your worth, be more visible, make a
offer, reach out. Those behaviors were dangerous usually or at least resulted in abandonment or neglect growing up. Who follows? Does this make sense? Okay? Y'all are y'all tracking with me so far? Come back. If you if you if I lost you, come on back. But are y'all tracking with me so far? Is this making sense? Yes? Okay. Now let's tie this into a traditional personal development concept. Okay? I love this moment. This is one of my favorite moments. Okay? Who here has
ever heard the idea that you have a comfort zone? Who's ever heard this before? Okay. We've heard this before. It's a familiar term from coaching. Okay. Great. Right? Now what does life say what do people say about your goals? Where do they live? Where do your goals live in the context of a comfort zone? Outside your comfort zone. Okay? Let me put that into attachment language for a second. Alright. So here's another
way to think of it. In a way, your comfort zone is your mother, meaning your relationship to her growing up. So your goals are outside your childhood conditioning of what was acceptable to get her attention when you were younger. Because there's a frame of this is acceptable, this is unacceptable. If you do this, it's okay. If you don't do this, then I'm not if you do this, yes. If you don't do this, then no. Who follows?
Does this make sense? Yes. So your comfort zone is a reflection of what you were praised for or punished for in based in childhood. Right? So if you were praised for speaking up or setting boundaries or using your voice, so that would resulted in positive experiences when you were younger. Great. If if it was safe for you to receive more than enough, great.
But your comfort zone is sort of based in childhood conditioning of what was or wasn't acceptable to get her maternal supply, to get that, to get that approval. Right? So your comfort zone is an approval zone usually based in childhood conditioning. Does that land? Does that make sense y'all? Right? Because when you go outside your comfort zone, one of the reasons why it's so hard is because on some level, a part of you is anticipating negative relationship
consequences because of it. Does that make sense? Right? So and so won't approve of me. They won't believe it. Oh my god. I'm gonna piss somebody off, or I'll be all by myself, or no one else is gonna really understand me. Who follows? Does this make sense? Okay. Now John Bowlby, who's the founder of attachment theory, has a very powerful quote that says that which cannot be communicated to the mother cannot be communicated to the self. Okay? That which cannot
be communicated to the mother cannot be communicated to the self. So if I can't express my wants and my needs and my desires to my early caregivers, then I can't communicate those to me. That's why it can be so hard to start to I don't really I don't really have a way. Who here is experiencing that now? You're like, I don't even have words for this. It's just kinda not kinda, let me just kinda get this out. Right? We know this. Right? This is, this is sort of like attachment one zero one in a
business context. Now if you can't communicate something to the mother, that means that thing isn't safe to communicate. So if you can't say I need help or if you can't say I wanna grow or if you can't say I have goals or please support me, then you realize saying those things isn't safe relationally when we're young. Who follows? This make sense? Right? So when I can't communicate to the mother, I can't communicate to me. What I can't communicate to me may not
must not be safe. And if it's safe, it must be bad. I'm sorry. If it's unsafe, it must be bad. Right? If I can't say it, can't say it to her, can't say it to me, this is a bad thing I'm saying. Right? And bad things what do we do with bad things? We avoid. We suppress it, don't we? We push it out of our I don't oh, I don't want that. I'm gonna change my expectation. I'm I'm gonna I'm gonna not own that desire. I'm gonna not have that
wish. Okay? So what can't be communicated to the mother can't be communicated to the self. What I can't communicate to her or me is not safe. If it's not safe, it's bad. If it's bad, I have to suppress it. Who follows? Does this make sense? Okay. So who here wants good news or bad news depending on how you look at it? I got some good news or some bad news for you. Are you ready for this or no? Y'all ready for this? You will meet what you've suppressed as you self activate.
So the stuff that's coming up right now in your activation, period, all this stuff that's coming up, you're activating your wants, your needs, your desires. Okay? And the yeah, but, or it's not real, right, that's your old modeling saying go away. You're not welcome here. I thought I
suppressed you. The desire to be seen, the desire to speak up, the desire to have boundaries, desire to want more, need more, have more, do more, achieve more, no. And so in a way, the parts of you that are protecting you are parts of you that are, basically trying to keep you in those old patterns. Does that make sense y'all? Is that are you are you all tracking me on this so
far? Okay. So let me give you an example. Okay? You wanna earn more than your parents, but you have a fear of judgment, so you procrastinate. That might be an example of it. Okay? Or maybe, right, you wanna raise your rates, but you have you worry about feeling abandoned or, like, you're abandoning your clients, and so you keep your prices the same. Who am I talking to? Anybody? Okay. Right? Or maybe, right, you wanna start to build a savings nest egg, but you feel confused and so you
squander your savings. And you just have enough to get by because you don't really know what to do to take care of yourself. Right? So here's how it works. Okay? Suppressed emotions come up with self activation. You try a new behavior. You have unresolved suppressed stuff that gets activated, guilt, depression, fear, whatever it is. And then you have a behavior that keeps you stuck in unresolved emotions, right, as a defense mechanism. So
just yesterday, we're like, here's your package. You're like, that's not real. All of a sudden, it's like I'm trying to activate myself. I have doubt come up, and then I tell myself it's not true, and I just keep myself stuck in that behavior over and over and over again, having it not be real. Who follows? This makes sense y'all? This is making sense? So we know this. And so because we know this, we wanna understand that, like, this is the stuff that helps you get the outcome.