Hey Mastin how's it going? Good, thank you. How are you? Not too bad? Yeah, my question is just because I feel like I'm at a stage in my life right now where I'm getting a lot of opportunities coming my way work wise, in terms of coaching, in terms of doing events and workshops, and things like that. But it's really strange, because I know, it's because the opportunities are bigger that something is triggering, inside me. And I just find there's a part of me that's really, really
resisting. So as much as I really want these opportunities, I've probably been waiting them for them for a long time, I find like this huge part of me is, is resisting this, and I just can't really seem to figure out why I'm resisting, or why this part of me is resisting. Because I don't really understand what is keeping me safe from this, I really can't seem to fathom it. And because of that, I find it hard to be with it, rather than in it. I mean, I had opportunities before to do the
same thing. Maybe you're not on the same scale. And, you know, sure, I'd get nervous and things like that. But I don't know what it is. It's just everything is so much more amplified. In terms of like the anxiety in terms of in a way that's like really mobilizing. And I really can't seem to get past that. Because like I said, I don't know whether it's like, there's a part of me that doesn't want to be seen. It doesn't want to be heard. But then it doesn't make sense in the kind of line of
work I'm doing. I don't know, what it's trying to keep me safe from. And the thing is, at the moment, when I'm getting these opportunities, I'm finding myself pushing myself or people around me pushing, pushing me to, you know, take take hold of those opportunities, which is a good thing. But I don't know whether that's what you talk about in terms of disconfirming like, you know, experiences or am I just like, overriding her. I can't positive one second. There's a lot in the first part of what
you just said. So I want to go there before we go on to disconfirming. Sure. So how do you know you don't know? I guess I feel like if I, if I rationally understood it, then I wouldn't be feeling the way I am so intensely. So like, what you're saying is, you don't know the reason. But when you say, I don't know why this is happening, I don't know what's keeping me safe from How do you know, you don't know what's keeping you safe from?
God, I just feel like if I understood it, if I knew like, why I was being triggered, or but how do you know you don't know that? I'm not sure. How do you know that you don't understand it? Like what has to happen for you say, Oh, I don't understand that. Okay. Maybe just to understand, like, why I feel so triggered? Like, why is it so intense was wasn't as intense before? I guess what I'm saying is, how do you know that you don't know the answer that question. So I'm a little lost.
I'll ask it again. How do you know? You don't know? The answer, he said, you know, what you said was, well, if I if I if I knew, then I wouldn't feel this much. I'm asking you how do you know you don't know? Like what has to happen for you to know that? You don't know that? In terms of like my response, like I get overwhelmed? Well, I think what you're saying is you don't know why. Yeah. And I'm asking you how do you know you don't know why you get overwhelmed? What has to happen
for you say? Well, I don't know why. For example, well, I don't know the specific memory of where this originated from. That makes me know, I don't know. Yeah, I mean, like I said, I don't I don't know why this part of me is triggered that part, I hear you. But my question is, how do you know you don't know that? How do you know that? You don't know why. Like, I just feel like there's a lack of clarity. And what is the lack of cloud, you experience a lack of clarity.
For me, I don't know when I'm going through LPA. And looking at the videos, I'm feeling like, Okay, if I understood where it came from, if I understood, like, why am I feeling it now? Much more than I've ever felt it before. If I felt like if I knew those things, maybe I would understand how to manage it better. I don't know. Okay, so let's let me let me flip it around, because you don't know where it came from. And you don't know why it's being triggered. You don't know. That's why you don't
know. Because you don't know the origin. Yeah. And how do you know that you don't know the origin because you don't have a specific memory. I don't have the memory or when I'm doing the work. I'm trying to figure out what you just said. I don't have the memory. Yeah. Does that mean? Okay, so when I say how do you know? You don't know? The answer is I don't have the memory of where it started. Okay. Does that make sense? Yeah. Sure. Yeah. Sure.
Yeah, I think so. I think just because I, like I said, I don't know. Because I know that you said it. You know, it usually usually comes up when you're feeling unsafe. I don't know what I'm feeling unsafe from. Okay. And you don't know the memory of where that feeling of unsafety started? Yeah. Because you don't you can't recall it. Yeah. Have you ever recalled it? I don't know. When I when I was like writing stuff down. I don't know where they it comes from.
Maybe like, just the thing that came up for me when I was doing some of the work was like maybe not wanting to be seen or heard. But it doesn't make sense to me. I see. Is it possible that the part of you that doesn't want to be seen or heard? And the part of you that makes sense of things are different parts? Yeah, for sure. And for the parts of you that don't want to be seen or heard? Doesn't make sense to them? Even if the part of you that tries to make sense of things doesn't understand it?
I think Sorry. Yeah. So who do think it's more important for it to make sense to the parts that are in the experience of the parts don't understand the experience? Definitely the parts of this in the experience? And the parts that are in the experience? Do they have any knowledge of where this came from? The only thing that I can think of when I was going through like the the workbooks and things like that was just just when I was younger, as a child, I had like a really, really angry
father. And a bit similar to what somebody else said was just in terms of not knowing how they're going to react. So you didn't know. I guess just in terms of Rush, just rationalizing it like why? Why was it not such a big deal before? And I'm doing the same thing, but it's coming up now. And so much stronger? Well, are you doing the same thing as before? Yeah, but just on the biggest scale, though, that's the answer. Why is it happening? Because I'm on a bigger scale. And what's the
memory? Well, my father was angry, and I never knew what was going to be the right thing to say. And that was really scary for me as a child. So I don't know, like, what's gonna happen, it's bigger. pressures on. And here's that part is again. And that part knows. We just got to introduce the part that knows the part that's confused and says it doesn't know. Because the part that gets stays in confusion is actually a protector of this part. Oh, girl
confused. I got somebody confused parts literally, like when I get confronted with something, I'm just like, What are you talking about? I do not know what you mean. Right. And it's just like, right? What are you talking about? Right. I remember when I first go to Yeah, and we actually overwhelm? What's this name? And overall, it's just confusion? I don't
know. I don't know, which keeps something out of awareness, which is that panic of all that anger, and how much uncertainty and how much that how much that's how scary that was for that young girl. So by just going ahead and doing the work, pushing myself to do the work, is that like, a disconfirming experience? Or is that me just suppressing it and not addressing it? Let's just I'm gonna ask you your question back to you. And
then you tell me, okay, okay. So if I just push through, I just push through my feelings, it might create disconfirming experience, or is that suppressing it? Or just push through my feelings? suppressing it? Probably I just published or how to how to address it. Ah, now we're getting somewhere. That's great that you said that, by the way. What's happening now? I guess just bit more clarity. A little bit less self criticism, I think that it's just not knowing how thing about dissociation, right?
Not disassociation, no dissociation? No a, okay. Dissociation means there's something in us that we push away. And we use energy to hold out of our awareness. And usually it's unconscious. Like we're not like consciously doing that. That's the difference between repression and suppression. Right? dissociation is usually an unconscious thing. It's just like it's out of awareness, right? And the presence of dissociation implies there's something to dissociate from. Okay? Does that make
sense? Like we all just dissociate from nothing? Yeah. Does that make sense? Yeah. We dissociate from something painful. I've never met someone that has positive decision. That was such a great memory. Let me just dissociate from it. I've never met a person does that either. Right? We dissociate from the things that are difficult, right? So when you're like, there's something but I don't know. See, what I know is that there's a part of me that doesn't know because otherwise
it wouldn't be in there. And you wouldn't be dissociated from it. Makes sense? Yeah. But there's a part that's holding a wound is a part that's dissociating from that wound. And part of your mechanism of dissociation is, I don't know. That's when I start asking questions like, why now? You don't know. But like, how do you know you don't know? Right now we're kind of like doing like trigger point work on that part, and kind of trying to
break it up a little bit. And understand that there's a part of you that does, though. Otherwise, you wouldn't be dissociating in the first place. Yeah, it makes sense. Right. And the thing is that the up level is going to be like, what's uncertain about this? Are they going to get angry? Will they be mad? And the answer is, yes. Some people will be but guess what if survivable? Yeah, people are mad at me on a daily basis. Yeah, people are grateful towards me the daily basis.
Right, like, the spectrum is there, especially when you go bigger scale, you get bigger emotion projected back on you. Yeah, right. And so what you want to do is you want to be with that young girl who's really scared of this angry response and be with her, and invite her to come with you, as you go to the next level. And let her know that you are a wise capable adult now, and she has that with you. And she doesn't trust you to do that yet to be willing to build a relationship with her.
But how do I do that? It's called LPA. The first step is acknowledge her that she exists. And there's a part of me that doesn't know. Because when you say you don't know now, you're kind of dismissing her, because now you do know. Like she exists, and she's scared. Yeah. And she's going to be scared, but there's an up level. So if she's scared, and if I'm triggered, that must mean I'm up leveling also, by the way. Yeah. So what are you
doing with what I'm saying? Just trying to think about ways to allow her to feel safe, I guess. Awesome. Yeah. So much better than saying you don't know her? Yeah, sure. You want to do a little secret to like coaching in this way? Yeah, the part of a client that asks a question, and the part of the client that answers the question is rarely the same part. Alright, so like, Why do I get so XYZ as I'm up leveling? Answers are like I but that
makes no sense. It's like, well, actually, the party has asked the question, didn't say this doesn't make sense. The part of the ask the question is trying to actually be known by you. Right? So the dance of the coach and the client in this context is for me to understand you have parts of you that ask questions, and parts of you the answer questions and those are not always the same parts. Yeah. Okay, right. So there's this part of you that's young that's
holding this fear of anger. How is she doing? Well, I feel better knowing that probably feeling better. That they exist, that they're that they're Then can we ask her a question? And also the confused part that like needs the mentalize can ask them both the question, would they be willing to not have a big relapse or, you know, kind of like heart attack? Now that they've been discovered and are explicit, would they be willing to move forward a little bit more calmly? Because they know
that you're there. And they don't have to have that big of a reaction? Would they be willing to do that? Yeah. How does that feel? Feels better. But also, there's a part that still feels a bit unsure? Yeah, that part can be unsure. We're just asking it to not have such a big like, kind of like, you know, we have this like expansion and this big contraction, where does ask him about the habits bigger
contraction right now? Because we see them, including the onshore part, including the part that feels confused and clean the part that feels angry, or scared of anger, all three of those parts, you see them all? What is asking if they don't have to have such a big contraction response, if they will be willing to release a little bit to let you go to the next level. So that you can work with them as you do. Yeah, versus like, have a have a
collapse? Because you ask them, many times, they'll be like, Okay. Have you ever seen by the way he seen the movie labyrinth by chance? No, I haven't. No. So it's a really cool movie from the 80s. There's a scene where the protagonist Sarah, she's like in this kind of dream sequence. And it's like this fantasy place, right? And she's in this place called the bog of eternal stench, which is like, I can't imagine how it smells, but it's like, probably the worst
smelling place ever. Right? And there's just like bridge and the bridge is guarded by a dog on a dog or like by like, a like a some type of animal like a fox or I don't know what sort of misses. But like, like a, like a fox that rides a dog. That sounds like a horse. It's a whole weird trippy thing, okay. And he will not let them pass. And they go, Why would you let them pass? I swore he goes, I swore to not let anybody pass without my permission. And
they're fighting. And then finally, Sarah, the protagonist is like, Wait, can we have your permission to pass? And he was like, yeah. Right. I was like, it's such a great analogy. It's like when a part is like, right, when you just acknowledging I see you and can I have your permission? And can we not do the whole collapse thing again? Or like the restriction thing? Like, can we just move forward a little different this time? Would you be willing to work
with me on that? You'll find that your parents are very reasonable. Yeah. Even if they're hesitant, yeah. How do you feel in your system right now? I feel a lot more karma. Cool. And usually given knowledge about why Yeah, I do. Yeah. Yeah. And a part of you has always known and it's nice to get those parts to me. Yeah, definitely.