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So the fastest way to move forward is self regulation. And safe coregulation, safe transformational coregulation is what adds rocket fuel to self regulation because the neuroscience says that we need to have high quality coregulation, and that improves our self regulation. Self regulation does not mean by yourself regulation. Okay. It means knowing how to manage yourself in a way that helps you move forward. And when you have that safe connection, that's that bottom most important
piece. Okay? That safe coregulation is rocket fuel, and that's what makes it safe to move forward. Okay? And understanding this is how our clients, it aids them in healing their chronic illnesses. It helps them create successful businesses that generate 10 to a $100,000 per month. Okay? Some of our clients have gone from, you know, literally trauma and food stamps to a $100,000 months to fall madly in love again, to finally manifest what they deserve. Okay? So maybe you've known what
to do. Maybe you even know what your trauma is, but now you know why you've been stuck. Who follows? Does this make sense? Okay. So there is power in this approach, in this self regulation approach, and it helps you make the leap from low level and high level coping to freedom beyond overwhelm. Because overwhelm is a sign that you're at capacity. Overwhelm is a sign that you're at capacity. So we wanna grow your capacity. We wanna help you
recover. Okay? And this approach is a lifestyle. It's not a moment or a magic bullet. Okay? Now if you've been on any of my challenges before, you've heard me make this analogy. I'm gonna do it again, but play along. This is for all the new folks. Okay? Play along. Who here in the last, say, 12 months has taken a shower? Okay. Now let's just say you took a shower. Who here feels like it's, like, pretty possible that you took a shower a year ago today? Most likely. Okay.
Alright. So when people, like, do, like, a seminar and they're like, oh, I took a seminar but, like, wore off. So will the did the shower wear off that you took too? Right. It does. Right? Or you go to the gym one time. Okay? If you think about this approach, it's a it's like the shower. Right? We do it daily. Okay? And if you think about yourself regulation, if self regulation and the work that you're putting in on this was like the gym, what would your results be in your life? Like,
how much time and energy and focus do you put on it? Right? If you went to the gym 6 times in a year, you're not gonna and you expect massive change. That's not a realistic expectation. We want consistency in this process. Who follows? Does this make sense? So just like showering, just like brushing your teeth, just like exercise and movement, self regulation is a lifestyle. It is not a magic bullet moment.
Okay? And you cannot do this alone. So let's just see here if we have anybody willing to do this, and then this will be in the chat or in the comments. Who here feels like it is time? If this is you, just say yes. Who would feel like it is time to come off of overwhelm island? I am done being overwhelmed. Done. I'm done trying to handle it all. I'm done trying to take it all on. I'm done trying to be the strong one. I'm done trying to be the one doing it all by
myself. I'm done being the capable one, the one who figures everybody else out. Right? I'm ready to figure myself out. I wanna know myself the way I know my mom and dad. Right? Think about that. Right? Imagine that. Okay? Love mom and dad, but I get you. Okay? So I ask you to bring the things that you had given up on into this workshop. I want you to ask you a question. How long have you been stuck waiting to create that life? How long?
Drop it in the chat or in the comments. How long? Way too long. 20 years? 10 years? Lifetimes? Lifetimes. Plural. Yeah. Decade, decade, decade. Yeah. Okay. Who here feels like it's time to get unstuck from this? So who here can see how being stuck in this and not knowing how to self
regulate is related? Like, the fact that you avoid certain emotions, the fact that you shut down certain emotions or you won't express certain emotions, you can't be your authentic self is directly related to why you're stuck. Let me see if I show hands or just type BS so I can see. Okay. So all the work that you've been doing without that focus on self regulation won't work to get you to the next level. The vision boards won't work without this work no matter how smart you are. No
matter how smart you are. I don't care how smart you are. That's metacognition. Good for you. You got great cognitive abilities, but your somatics and your affective skills suck, especially when things get hard. Okay? You have a mental 6 pack and an emotional keg. Alright. Let's get into some coaching. Hi. Hey. How's it going? I'm okay. How are you? Not too bad. Good. Good. I think you actually called on me yesterday, but I'm pretty happy
though. Oh, yeah. Difficulties because I really didn't even know what I was gonna say. I've, I'm at a point where I'm just my soul is tired. I'm just tired all the time. And I think where my biggest struggle currently is with, romantic relationships, but also with my family. I kinda had a bad time last year as did most people. But, it involved a romantic relationship. But I did go to therapy and I did do a bunch of things and discovered a bunch of stuff about my childhood that I didn't
know. And that yeah, that really was, brought me to my lowest point. I'm a lot better now, but, it's moving past that. It's moving forward. It's it's it's knowing how to show up and and authentically expressing myself. I feel like I'm at a point where I want to stick up for myself and I want to connect with people, but it doesn't come out right. And I think that's where my struggle is. I can get passive aggressive. I can get it doesn't it doesn't work out for me. Because I don't I don't It
doesn't come out right for who? I feel like it doesn't come out right for me. Because I that way. Because the response I get is Ah, so for the people that respond the way that they do? I suppose. But at the same time, I can see why they would respond that way. Oh, you did. You're so good at seeing why they would respond that way, but why are they so good at seeing why you would respond that way? That's
a good point. Mhmm. See, the thing is, like, when you have really good self regulation, somebody can be flipping their lid, and it doesn't bother you. Or if it does, it's way less. It doesn't take you out. Right? Yeah. So, like, if someone's passive aggressive, right, and you're in a regulated state, you're gonna say something like, wow. You having a hard day? Yeah. Versus like, oh my god. You're too much. It's like
what you're saying is, yeah, for you. So what we want is authentic self expression is, I'm gonna be passive aggressive sometimes. Okay. Yeah. And if I'm passive aggressive, then I'm gonna set the people up in my life to know that when I'm passive aggressive, that means x, y, and z, not I have to be performative so that people accept me. Yeah. That makes sense. That makes a ton of sense. So that's why I said for who? Yeah. That's a 1000000 percent right. What are
you noticing in your body right now? Or in well, I have tears. I have tears right now. That's a systematic response? Yes. And I think it's because, when I'm talking to you, I feel understood. That's that base safe transformation and coregulation. Yeah. Yeah. Without that, nothing else is possible. That you just made it. Shiny. You have all of how that works. And I think you're amazing and I love you. And, Yeah. I I I have a lot of
fear about all of this stuff. Like, I have your book, and I said, and I haven't read it yet because I'm terrified. So, sometimes talking to the author is better than reading the book, you know? I would say so. Yeah. Yes. Thank you. So, like, I guess that's where I'm trying to help you understand is that, like, when when you when you inhibit or hold back your emotions, right, you don't assert yourself. You don't express your joy, okay, that creates a
negative self image. 100%. Right? You have a negative self identity. Right? Yeah. And that creates an anticipation that that because I have this negative solidarity that that I'm a type of person that this type of stuff happens to. I'm bad. I have to change who I am. Yeah. Right? That's that's what shame is. Yeah. Versus, like, versus, like, you know what? Look at you trying so hard. Like, how much effort you're putting in. Look how triggered you are. That's okay too. Yeah.
I mean, that kind of explains the exhaustion. Yeah. You're trying to hold it together for everybody else. You're trying to be that safe co regulation for them, but you're like, well, what about me? Yeah. When I exist, things don't go so well, so I'll just keep disappearing. Yep. There is no right way to show up. There's only just showing up the way you are. That's the right way. Yeah. I I like that. I like that. Thank you. And then you start to realize I have tears. What are you
feeling right now? Embarrassed. So when you how do you feel about being embarrassed? That I shouldn't feel embarrassed. So you feel bad? Yeah. I feel So so your meta affective awareness gets shut off because you dissociate from feeling embarrassed to the vulnerable. So there's there's very low emotional awareness in this state when it's about you, but very high emotional attunement when it's about somebody else. Yeah. Yeah. I would
agree with that. Emotions are just these phenomena that are happening in our body. Just a feeling. It's just a feeling. Just a fidget literally. Just a literally. Just a feeling. Now the feelings are intense. Right? But it's like it's not like it's like when you feel like someone has a gun to your head, that's different than someone actually having a gun to your head. Does that
make sense? And that's a very extreme example. But, like, the but but feelings are not facts, but it is a fact that you're feeling a certain thing. Right. But what you're feeling may or may not actually be true. And the worst part is when a feeling of, like, embarrassment or shame becomes predictive, that's when you get into stuck into a cycle where you just anticipate everybody missing you. Not like, oh my god. Where'd you go? Like, they're not they don't
see you. Yeah. Yeah. And anytime I do feel seen, this happens every time. Well, guess what? You're a human. This is what happens when people feel seen when they don't feel seen before. Yeah. That makes sense. I do remind myself that I'm human on a daily basis. So what your problem is is that you have been around people who don't have the capacity to see you probably, and you don't really quite yet know how to see yourself unless it's how it someone else wants you to be. Yeah. I would agree with
that. So your emotions, your physical sensations, your thinking, your defenses haven't had a time or space to be able to be processed until just a little bit recently. Yeah. Yeah. Definitely. Been an intense year. Right. And so what you're experiencing right now, right here, is a version of authentic self expression. Little tiny brief moment of it. Yeah. What we want is for you to be able to feel safe to feel this way or excited or joyful or happy as a base normal
in your life. Would be wonderful. That's what self regulation brings you, but it also changes your dynamics, your relationships. It there can be big changes that happen because when you learn how to meet your needs, you learn the people who don't know how to do that real quick. Well, I've I've just started to kind of speak up for myself a little more in certain relationships. One of them ended. Another one asked me why I changed. And, another one just kinda doesn't talk
to me as much. So it's just interesting. And, of course, I feel guilt about that, but I'm not asking for anything unreasonable. So But even if you were, if you want it, it's not unreasonable to ask it. That's a hard one to wrap my brain around. There's nothing you what's you're asking for it. You're not demanding it. Yeah. Now it might be unreasonable to demand something. Yeah. You must go to Mars with me. Like, okay. That's a little
that's probably unreasonable. Right? But, like, I want you to. There's nothing wrong with expressing what you want. Yeah. I think my verbiage needs a little work. But when you have that meta affect awareness, that metasmatic awareness, that metacognition, you know how you defend yourself. Yeah. And you restructure those experiences, it comes out differently also. Yeah. That makes sense. Right? And, like, there's no here's the thing. There's no way to get this wrong right now because
you're at the level that you're at. So you're doing great for that level. Thank you. Does that make sense? It does. It really does. So I'm so happy that you're here, and I'm so happy that you're on this journey with us. And thank you for raising your hand, and it's beautiful to see you show up in your authentic self today. Thank you for helping me do that. You're very welcome.