Here's what we want to be aware of right now. We wanna be conscious of what the next level is for you, what's been stopping you, and how long you've been there. And we wanna be honest with yourself. Please don't lie to yourself. Okay? Let's be really clear about that, because we're gonna take this into context and recognize that, hold on a second, there's a reason why I've been stuck, there's a pattern for why I've been stuck, and there's a pattern for how to get
out of being stuck, which is what we're gonna talk about today. Now when you think about being stuck for 20 years or 8 months or anywhere in between, on a scale from 1 being super easy, 10 being super hard, sort of put a number to it. How hard has it been, how hard has it felt to actually embody your next level? Scale from 1 to 10. 1, no problem. 10, super hard. Rate yourself. Rate the difficulty level. How hard has it been? What what number would you give yourself?
So 10, 8 okay. Yeah. That makes sense. The hardest level 10. Okay. So let's just let's just see if we can frame this with proper context. You've been stuck for a long time trying to reach a specific outcome because of the reasons that you've just shared, and it's been really hard. Does that sound accurate? I repeat the same cycle over and over. Yes. It sounds accurate. Okay. So here's what this means. Okay? What this means is you must do something different
this time if you want it to actually change. You must do something different this time if you want it to actually change. Does that make sense? Now we'll share with you what we think that different is, but we wanna be on the same page that it's time to approach how you go about changing your life differently. Does that make sense y'all? We can't try to change your life the same way because it's that way that you've been going about it has kept you stuck. So I wanna make sure that we're
really clear on that. So what if, though, what if there was a good reason why it's been so hard? Would you believe me? What if there's actually a good reason? What if it wasn't just, like, you know, spiritual warfare or, you know, the enemy or, you know, because you're a bad person or because you deserve it? Would you wanna know if there was a good reason why it's been so hard? Yes or no? So the answer is yes to keep you safe, but let's
get a little bit more specific about that. Okay? So here's a term you either haven't heard of or will hear be hearing more of. Okay? This term is an important term to understand. It's called allostatic load. Okay? Allostatic load is the accumulation of burden of chronic stress and life events over time. So what this means is the longer you're stuck in something, the more stressful it becomes. The
accumulation of stress over time. It's almost like you're dragging a weight behind you, and it's like a half a pound, then 1 pound, then 2 pounds, then 3 pounds. And then, like, 5 years in, it's like £85. 10 years in, it's, like, a £1,000. Right? So allostatic load has an impact on your nervous system, has an impact on your life. So who here feels like the longer things go on, the harder it is to do the things you're trying to do to change your life? Who feels that way? Okay? That is called
allostatic load. It is a cumulative burden of chronic stress and life events over time. Okay? So if you're tired, if you're exhausted, that's because you have likely high levels of allostatic load. And if you have high levels of allostatic load and stress, that means that you've been struggling for a long period of time. It feels like I'm burned out. It feels like I'm exhausted. It feels like I don't have my my my my joy for life in me when it comes to the next level. It feels like I'm
stuck. Okay? And this is what happens. Now cutting edge neuroscience has discovered that the human brain expects access to social relationships that will help reduce risk and make it easier to achieve your goals. So what this means is social baseline theory says that when we're born, we expect glucose, sugar to operate energy. We expect oxygen to give us, you know, so many mechanisms inside the body, and we expect relationships. So our nervous system is expecting
glucose, oxygen, and relationships. And here's the thing. If you've been struggling with something for a long period of time, you've probably been struggling with that specific thing by yourself, and that creates allostatic load over time. And so what we need is we need to this is this pairs very well with polyvagal theory, right, because we wanna spread out challenge over time, so that we have less stress. What's interesting is, by contrast, decreased access to relational partners
increases cognitive and physiological effort. So what this means is if you're going through a breakup, if you have less people in your life, if you don't have people in your life that are helping you with the thing you're trying to change, it increases how hard your brain and body are working. And if you don't know that, all of a sudden, you get more and more and more and more and more
tired. And if your go to playbook is I gotta do it on my own, then it's just gonna have diminishing returns over time. And this is just physiology. This is just your biology. Does that make sense? Y'all track it. Who here feels like this is describing on some level your experience? Like, wait a minute, Mastin. Hold on. I saw I saw,
a meme the other day. It was kinda funny. It was funny, not funny. It said, I'm about to get my 2024 goals done that I didn't accomplish in 2023 because in 2022, I was too busy getting over 2021. And because of the, pandemic that happened in 2020 where I was about to get started, my 2019 goals. Wait a minute. My 2024 goals are my 2019 goals, basically. Right? There has been an extraordinary amount of allostatic load
placed on all of us because of the pandemic. And some of us have, like, not had a chance to, boom, get back out there or not just get back out there, but get back out there together. Right? Because it's not we we we we sort of everyone was forced into lockdown, but nobody was forced to be social again. Right? And so what we have to recognize is you're burned out for lots of different reasons. And when you have Mastin less access to relational partners or relationship,
it's harder. Your brain has to work harder. Your body has to work harder. Okay? And when relationships end, it could be hard to figure out who you are now, that you're not part of that couple or group anymore. And there has been so much loss relationally in the last few years. Things changing, people breaking up, people divorcing, people moving, people dying, all these different things. There has been so much relationship change in the last few years that this is part of
the major reason why we're so exhausted. And so this could be risky because you have to put in more effort to take care of yourself, and you may not be as happy if you're all by yourself and something. Who follows? This make sense? Right? Who here feels like you're going, oh,
this is tracking. Right? Okay. Great. Now when relationships end, you have to what's called ungraft yourself from the old relationship, which means you have to stop thinking about yourself and the other person as a unit and start thinking about yourself as an individual again, and that is a process that happens, and it can be very
challenging. It could also be challenging to do this because if you're on a personal development journey, you will have to likely ungraft yourself if it's not from the relationship, from at least the dynamics and the patterns of that relationship, and we start to feel more and more alone in what we're struggling with. Okay? And so without coregulation, the brain perceives fewer available resources and prepares the body to either conserve or expend more
energy. So when you're by yourself and you're struggling with something, you either down regulate to ventral I'm sorry, to dorsal, where you're immobilized, or your body's like, I'm gonna be sympathetic on my own. Who follows? This makes sense y'all? Right? And so this is why and guess what? Sympathetic, when you're in fight or flight mode or, like, go mode, that is metabolically expensive. You cannot maintain it forever. It uses up so much resource to
be in go mode all the time. And so that's why we either conserve energy, we go dorsal, or we expend energy and sympathetic when there's less, relational resources available. And so this increase in your brain cognitive and body based efforts, physiological, can lead to distress, both acute, short term distress, and chronic, which has negative consequences for health and well-being. So the good news is the science knows why you're burned out. Okay? That's the good news. And
it doesn't have to always be that way. Okay? Because you're increasing how much brain output you're doing. You're increasing how much body output you're doing. It doesn't have to be all that I'll be that way. Now there is evidence that suggests that the likelihood of a behavior, is improved when you consider how much energy it takes to do the behavior and how much benefit you think you will get from it. So the thing that you've been stuck in for a period
of time check this out. Okay? You've been stuck for 8 months, a year, 5 years, 10 years, 20 years. Let's be honest for a second. When you think about trying to get to the next level, okay, let's think about this for a second. Okay? How much benefit do you feel right now you're gonna get from it? Does it feel real like it's possible? Does it feel like it's actually gonna happen if you've been stuck there for 8 months, a year, 5 years,
10 years, 20 years, or more? Does it feel real, or does it kinda feel like, I don't know if this is gonna happen? Does it feel like you're gonna be rewarded? Like, you're gonna get a reward for it? I am determined. I love that. So maybe, but you're determined, but does it feel real or not real yet? Not sure. Okay. So what this means is when you think about your next level, your assessment of how much benefit you think you will get from it will impact
how much energy you have. So if you a part of you or most of you doesn't think it's really gonna happen, you're not gonna be able to invest a lot of energy in it. Right? So what that means is we have to start to bust up some of these patterns. Because if you perceive that there's a possible reward, there's a possible outcome, there's a possible good thing that will happen, it will improve your energy and your
behavior to make it happen. Okay? So, for example, human subjects tend to view hills as steeper and distances as further away if they're fatigued, sleepy, physically less fit, stressed, wearing a heavy backpack, or in a bad mood. So what this means is when your state is down regulated in sympathetic and dorsal, things feel and seem harder. Does that make sense?
However, being close to social resources makes it easier to deal with the challenges that we face because our brain sees social resources, right, relationships as similar to things like oxygen and glucose that are necessary for survival. So when we look at what's possible for you, well, okay, I'm
breathing air, I'm eating food, but I'm all alone in it. Right? So we need to create relational resources, coregulation, transformational coregulation, to give you additional energy, additional support, additional help to be able to make it seem and feel and then make what you want next actually possible. Evidence suggests that hills literally appear less steep when standing next to a friend. Right? So you can be at a hill, look at the hill, and go, because it's a big
hill. But if your friend is sitting next to you, it seems easier who falls. And who's had this experience before? You're like, oh, that kinda makes sense. Right? But this is in the neuroscience. Okay? So what's so interesting is when accounting for other variables like body mass index, weight related self image, depression, physical activity, socially isolated people tend to consume more sugar because to the human brain, social and metabolic resources are
treated as 1 and the same. Right? So if you're struggling by yourself, we tend to eat more sugar because, okay, I'm trying to numb myself, or I'm addicted to sugar. But on a very basic level, your brain is like, this is gonna be harder. I need more glucose to get more shit done because I don't have help and support. Who follows? This make sense? Right? And so what this means is is that we have to start to recognize that relationships are a
resource for us. Safe and transformational coregulation are a resource, and we wanna make sure that we support you to have, the relational resources to help you reach your next level. That's our goal. Okay? It's called load sharing.