Hello? Hello. How are you? Good. How are you? Tired. I have a question about parts, Mastin. so I have been taking steps to move forward with my new pass in life, but there's a part of me that keeps coming up and my body has, like, totally crashed. It's, I guess, my low self esteem part that keeps coming up. And my body's kind of, like, totally shut down. Like, dorsal is normally my go to response to stay safe. and it's really crashed this time.
And, I guess, I'm having trouble figuring out how to connect with this part in order to move forward with it. Okay. on the physical side, I have, like, a natural health care practitioner I've been working with for a long time, so she's helping me with the physical stuff. But I just feel like there's so many emotional blocks that I'm having to say that I'm having a hard time with doing it. Like, I feel like I've been doing a lot of bypassing. up until
now. Sounds like you have a lot of awareness. Yeah. I do. and now I feel like what do I do with the awareness? What if that part doesn't wanna move forward? Yeah. I don't think she does. So what if you try to find out why? Yeah. I know that she's really scared to step into her own power. Okay. And here's what I'll tell you. Okay? Yeah. Like, like, forward motion can come from, like, bypass and let's go. Forward motion
can come from ventral regulated states. Forward motion can also come from appreciating our survival mechanisms more. Okay. Sometimes parts don't wanna let go until they're really appreciated. Yeah. And I That resonates with me because my practitioners said, like, you need to let go. Emotionally, I'm like, okay. Let go. But I don't know. For me, that's I'm actually saying the opposite. Yeah. I'm not saying you should let go of anything. I'm saying you should appreciate
this part, for it. Yeah. The last thing I'm suggesting is you let it go. Like, I remember, like, when I could walk for 6 months in 2020, like, the amount of pain I had to I I was I was, like, so stubborn. I was like, I went to biohack. I went to functional medicine. I went to Fasha. I went to MFR. I do everything I can to release the stuff and do drops. I'm gonna take steroids. I'm gonna take incense. I'm gonna take prescription medication. Everything to just, like, not
deal with it. Right? And it just got to the point where the pain that that that the medication I was taking didn't either work on the pain anymore. And I was Kipp the most the most. You could take care of anything. And to the point where all the pain in that area was really bad, but the rest of my body couldn't feel, and I ended up injuring other parts of my body because I didn't know that they were hurting. Well, they weren't hurting
because I had all this pain medicine I was taking. And the only area that it didn't work on was area I wanted me to work on, but I worked on the other areas, and I injured myself, basically. Right? And finally, I just was just like, I sat with my my ankle, my left ankle, and I was like, Okay. Fine. Obviously, you don't want me to walk. Obviously, obviously, you don't want me to take a step forward. Obviously, I don't know why, but if I were
you, I wouldn't wanna move forward either. So why don't you show me why? And then that night, it was all these repeated moments of neglect. It was the same feeling different experiences throughout my life. And I was like, oh, I wouldn't wanna move forward either. And it was like, Stop missing me. When you miss me, this is why you are when you are. This is why you can't want. Right? I was like, no. It's COVID, the pandemic. No. It's me.
He said, no. You don't deal with the pandemic. This is me. And I was like, okay. Fine. And now Me and my left ankle really talk a lot. there was lots of stuff real easy, like, really easy. Right. because I don't wanna get that far. And I we we have an understanding now. Right? And then also my lower back has sometimes a little tweak. Remember my lower back tweak, It's like, I know it's not like a compressed disc. I know it's like there's something emotional here. Something's
somatic I'm missing. It's not like a it's not like a compression or chiropractic issue usually. It's like, usually, it's about support. It's about to leave a loan. There's something in that. And my left ankle and my lower back work in tandem to let me know when I go to support it. Mastin that I noticed myself. Yeah. Right? So instead that you tore it off -- For me. Yeah. -- it's like, thank you. And then it goes away, usually. Yeah. For me, it's Digestive.
Got issues. Yeah. And it I've heard of struggle with that all my life, but it hasn't been this bad in a long time. But I feel looking back on it, I think this part has been trying to speak to me for a long time. I think I covered it up with, like, workaholism. Yeah. Awesome. Just keep going. Just work harder, harder, harder, and I'm actually not doing that anymore.
I actually was starting to move slower and take slower steps And then I've noticed there's been this pattern of, like, I'm okay for a while, and then I kind of drop off. And then I gotta build myself back up and then I go along and then I drop off. And this latest one was, like, a big drop off because I was getting ready to do something that I had never done before more so. And I think this part felt really, obviously, feels really scared. So I don't -- So it's appreciating its presence
and appreciate why it's trying to drop you off. that that is that's the 2 because of because it's it's not random. No. Right. And then, hopefully, bringing that into some type of social connection with safe others so that people know. Right? Like, people in my life like, I have I have a lot of my parts name and stuff like that. So people in my life, it's, like, if I'm, like, Kipp I come in hot and I'm coming in really hot and angry, people
would be like, hey. Is that Mastin or is that bomber? I'm like, Bobber. Yeah. And then Bobber gets off pissed off for being discovered. Right? And otherwise, you'd be like, dude, what happened to Mastin today? you know, but people who really know me know that shit about me. Right? Mhmm. Or they know, like, oh, if I'm like, oh, I'm good. I don't need any help. It's like, is that He really is at home solo. I gotta name my parts. Mhmm. Right?
Or, like, or, like, the part that's, like, nobody's gonna show up, and he's all alone. Right? That's the little guy. And I have, I don't know, like, 5 or 6 of these parts that I've made. There's a predominant pieces, and I bring them into a relationship, with people around me. who know me and, like and they all have, like, very specific things
that they say. And, like, instead of it being, well, Madison's moody today or Madison's angry today, it's like, well, we're well, and then when and we also have an agreement, that if they bring it up, that it's, like, okay for me. And I I will do my best not to be defensive or at least not that defensive. Right? I'm like, oh,
yeah. Farmer is here. Let me I imagine bomber is, like, inside out, like, anger, like, just, like, blows his top and gets, like, really, like, the fire comes out of his head and stuff is how I imagine bomber a little bit. Yeah. He will come in and blow up a relationship, like, real good and just righteous and correct and anger and, like, contempt in one Kipp and just, like, you know, just and then, like, little guys, like, where'd everybody go?
See, I do they leave, and they just work. You know, it's Right? And it's just like, for 1, I was like, what the business cycle? You know? But now they're all, like, named and labeled, and then I'm like, Yo, man. That's how you you know how to end relationships just by blowing the shit up. Thank you. We're not doing it this way because actually, we're gonna do it this way. You know? And then Bob was just like, alright. Yeah. You might calm down, but every once in a while, there's like a it's
kinda like in traffic where there's, like, a justified hogs. This to me, there's nothing more satisfying than a justified hunk. Like, ah, and, like, especially if you could Kipp a little bit of a longer one, because, like, you just like like that, but you'd be like, it's, like, justified. Like, oh my god. That's, like, so, like, cathartic for me. But, like, every once in a while, there's a time where it's appropriate for bomber to step up, and he's like, alright. I'm gonna blow
this shit up. I'm like, alright, man. You blow this shit up now. Go for it. You know? but there's only there's only certain times. Right? But he'll blow it up at any time. Anytime. Right? And then there's parts that don't wanna start and don't wanna engage. And and there are more door Right? But instead of being like, god, am I an asshole? I've done the work of investigating and I've created a personality, the name for this part, And I know why he's there. He's there because little guy
got missed again. God damn it. He's pissed. Right? Because that person didn't do what they said they were gonna do. Yeah. Right? Versus apologizing that part. Right? So you have a dorsal part that you're learning about that needs some TLC. Yeah. you know, have you seen inside out? Yes. I I have. So it's just like this would be, like, your version of sadness. Yeah. Yeah. That makes sense. finally getting along either. Yeah. because there is also, like, a part of me that self energy that's
like, yeah, like, I'm ready to go. Let's go. That's not self energy. Oh, okay. That's definitely Kipp coming. Self energy is sweetie. Why are you collapsing right before we are trying to expand totally everything? Okay. That's self energy. what you're describing is self like energy where it's regulating but more sympathetic. Right? And it presents itself, but it's more dismissive. Yeah. Alright. Yeah. Yeah. That makes sense. Okay. When you're in a serious, serious
state, you're probably, like, self mental. probably. Yeah. That feels right. Yeah. Yep. So being curious about the part that goes dorsal, you'd be very powerful. And then bringing into relationship would be even better. Okay. So -- Okay. -- that happens. Thank you. That's very more so beautiful, so good.