How you doing? Good? Yeah, I think I understand the point you were making that my like, need to be the general contractor of the universe, either is the same part or is directly connected to the part that does nothing about my self. Yeah, exactly. It's everybody else. It's everybody else. Yeah, yeah. And it's impossible change without your focus. You look like you look different today, like visibly your state looks different. Sorry. Today, what's different about how you feel today?
Um, I mean, yesterday, I had completely given up and I didn't even want to, I mean, you obviously, like, I just didn't want to talk. I didn't want to, like do anything. Today, I just, I feel like, yeah, I understand. I think I understand what like the point you were trying to make and just allowing things to be and if help is asked of me, provide it, but don't like fixate and go beyond what what I'm being asked to do, I guess. Yeah. And I think I think like noticing when other people need
help is important. But even asking, like, Do you need help, you know, can be very important, too. But there's a difference. It's when we get into trauma responses, what happens is we normalize unhealthy responses is feeling safe, and healthy responses feel dangerous, right? And so it can be confusing for a little bit to realize the healthy response is safe, and the unhealthy response is not going to get you where you want to go. Does that make sense? Yeah, they used to, but not now.
Yeah. So and so it doesn't mean we don't help people. It's just it's just taking on everybody else. And having that responsibility also stops you from forward motion in your in your life, too. So is it completely a trauma response? Like? I mean, I shy away from questions like that, because when you say things like, is it completely a trauma response? It's like, maybe, you know, is it fully only and forever a
trauma? I don't know. What we can say is, it's probably something that used to work based on the older environment that you're in when you were younger, right, something that's not helping you go to where you want to go now. So we want to acknowledge it and then rewire it. Right. Is that based in trauma? Yeah, probably. You know, theoretically, everything in our system is a trauma response. Our skin is a trauma
response. No, seriously, like, like, if we weren't with the trauma of being born and stuff like that, like we have built skin to protect the protective response to protect our internal organs, right. On some level, everything is a quote, trauma response. Sunday suntan is a trauma response, right to like, a little too much sun or a sunburn, I guess. Right. So it's more like, like, does it work for you now? Right? Does that make sense?
Yeah. I mean, like, I literally joined this, obviously, I needed it for myself. But I joined this course because I felt completely helpless. And so I thought, okay, if I take this course, if, you know, somebody comes around, or the opportunity presents itself, at least I'll have like, some capacity to help in some way. But I just like, had the I just felt so helpless. But like, obviously, here I am, like, I'm the person who needs to be
helping these people. But I just like, how something it's hard to see something like that and feel helpless. Right? I mean, I understand that it's more. See, the thing is, is that like adverse experiences, like when we go through stress, right, we'll kind of like, we all default back to whatever our home is, right? So some people get angry. Some people get dorsal and sad. Some people get proactive. Some people are
indifferent. I'm at a point personally, in my life, where it'd be harder if it was like directly next door in my community, but in general, there's so like, there's always some shit happening. Somewhere. It's still happening in Iran right now. This should happening in Iran for a long time. Yeah, right. Or Afghanistan, or Somalia or Ukraine or whatever, right? And if I'm focused on that, it's like creates pain in my body like literal pain, right? But doesn't help me move
the world forward. Right. So and I can't do all about it. Right? donate some money or whatever. But like, that's basically it. And we're not supposed to take in information. Usually from stuff that's like only a few miles away. So in the context of something local happening, it makes sense a little more shattering, right? So it's like it is literally in your backyard. But what I would suggest to you is that feeling of not be able to do anything
about it. That That's not the first time you felt that way. Right? So like when we go through like one of my trauma responses is like, I didn't have a chance because my mom's had a broken back about 15 years before I was born. And there's this part of me, it's like, well, if I had been born sooner when she was 13, right, but like, there's a part, it's like, doesn't make any sense. If I if I had been born sooner, I could
have prevented that. Right. So I had this part of me that's like, well, I didn't have a chance to whatever, right? And so, you know, like, that's like, part of what's called it's called countertransference. Or transference when stuff comes up for you. What is what does that from your history that's like
blocking you right? Because think about working with clients, you're not gonna help them the way that you want if that pattern is running the show, powerless one tension of working with right but that's my point, right? So it's like it's like other people like part of part of healing transference and countertransference for a practitioner is coming to terms with how powerless you actually are. And there's a liberation in
that also. Right because we're out of denial like you can try hard you can give it your all but you don't have the ability. You're not God you can't Will somebody you living, right. No matter how hard we tried when we were younger. Yeah, that's for sure. Right, but you can will yourself and living so I'm really happy for you. And thank you for going through this hard emotions. Beautiful