In a trauma aware world that's not trauma informed yet, calling something a trauma response and not changing is also a trauma response. It's not enough to know something happened. That's a start, but that's not how we get to where we wanna go. Who here has high standards where you wanna be in your life? Let me see if I show hands. Okay. So calling out trauma is important. Understanding what happened to you is important. Understanding what happened inside of you because
of it, is also important. But the root cause is the relationship between those 2 things, who follows? And by the way, it's both internal and external. Okay, what's reflected on the inside is also on the outside and vice versa. Okay? So what we want is not just to know what happened to you and not just to be aware of the patterns that because of what happened to you. We wanna improve the relationship and your nervous system to a degree where the injury is less. You can handle
more. Your capacity increases, and the response is not as intense. And that improves the relationship. Who follows? Right, just like if we know attachment theory, we know about relational repair. That's inside too. There's a repair that has to happen on the inside. And so the problem with a lot of trauma awareness in the world today is that there's there's hyper focus on the response, which, by the way, is important. Without that, if we if we ignore the trauma or we say there was that's
not trauma response, we can't even do the work. Right, we gotta make sure that we're doing the work. Right? But the next level is say, alright. Cool. Now that I'm aware that I'm in a response, I have a responsibility to choose by response, to improve the relationship. Who here has a pretty good idea that you know what happened to you on some level. Let me see if I show of hands. Who here is almost sick and tired of talking about what happened to you?
Who here wants to talk about what happened to you for the rest of your life and be validated for your pain? That's cool too. Okay? All that's fine. Right? But if we wanna move forward, we have to improve the relationship between the injury and the response. And there's lots of ways to do that. We have a process that we'll take you through. Okay? But this is why this is the magic bullet thing is not the goal. Okay? You have to
be ready for this. And here's the thing. Just like any relationship, when things change, the relationship gets more complex, doesn't it? Because there's a part of you right now that's like, yeah. You're gonna learn this shit, but you're not gonna do anything about it. There's a part right now that's probably thinking that. And there's another part that's like, nah. This time, different. I'm a make it happen this time. How come? Because I know this shit.
I see the see, I got the triangle now. I'm good. Some of you are like, you know what? I think I need help with this. I can't do this by myself anymore. Right? And so we wanna understand what is the relationship because the root cause of what's holding you back is the relationship, not what happened to you. Who follows? Does this make sense? Now does this mean that what happened to you isn't important? No. It's like where we start. Right? And everybody has different
things that happen to them. But there was a response to what happened, neglect or acceptance. You dissociated or you were loved. Right? There was continuing ongoing trauma as a onetime thing. People believed you, or they didn't believe you, and then that gets modeled internally. Right? And then that big creates a relationship. And if you don't know that this is happening, the relationship is unconscious. And so the 1st step is to realize, holy shit. Something happened. There was a
response. And then if you're like, okay. But I need to move forward. What's wrong, can't we move through this? Can let's go. That's the actual root cause problem right there. Those protect your survival parts. They're like, you know what? We gotta go. We gotta move. I can't. I'm tired, frustrated. All that stuff. The the relational dynamic is the problem because here's the thing. Here's the thing. How many unexpected things are in your future? How many? Lots if you wanna grow. How much challenge
is in your future if you wanna grow? How much challenge? How much complexity is in your future? Think about it. If you have a shitty relationship between your injuries and your responses, good luck. It's not gonna happen. Right? It's like and think of it this way. Whenever I go to dating, people get it immediately. People people always understand dating. Okay? If you meet someone for the 1st time, do you just get married, like, that fast? Some people might be like,
yes. But generally speaking, the answer would be no. What do you gotta do? Kind of a courtship process. Get to know them. Right? And then if they do something that hurts you, do you leave? Depends. But usually, the person that you're dating hurts you at some point, and you repair. And with enough time and trust, then you might wanna make a long term commitment who falls. Does it make sense? Alright. Some of you need to date your trauma responses first,
okay, before you go all in and be like, we're gonna change forever. They're like, you're not. Look. You are. No. You're not. I've heard this before. Right? So we wanna go slower to understand that we have to build trust with ourselves, y'all. We gotta build trust with ourselves, and that takes time. You wanna court your nervous system. Who follows. This makes sense? We wanna make it safer for you to move forward, and that does not happen by yourself. And that
does not happen, willing things into existence. Some of you have been through some crazy shit, and guess what? You got so much resilience because because of it. But guess what? The next level requires asking for help, doesn't it? The next level means I can't do this by myself. The next level means, ouch, that hurt, being vulnerable. And usually, if you have really solid defense mechanisms, those things are not your superpower. Your superpower is being strong.
Your superpower is getting through stuff. Your superpower is powering through. Your superpower is like trauma, trauma response, that shit. I'm changing. We're moving. Right? No. Right? No. No. No. No. No. We wanna slow it down, but we don't wanna slow it down to the point where you're stuck forever. We wanna slow it down enough to know, you know what? Something happened. There's a response to what happened, and let's make this relationship better
because here's the thing. This is what it means to get out of your own way. Getting out of your own way means understanding why you're in your own way and not making yourself wrong for that. Something happened. The response made sense, and the relationship between those 2 things is not helping you go to the next level, but it helped you get this far, and that's awesome. But the next level the next level, we haven't gotten there yet, have we? Who follows? Does it make
sense? Okay. Some of you are like, how? How do I do it? That's part of the problem. The first who here is like, okay, Mastin. How do I do this? Anyone asking that question right now? How? Okay. The first step to how is to notice how you feel when you ask me how. That's the 1st step to how. Okay. How do you feel not knowing? Okay. Let's pause there for a second. Okay? Because the part that wants to drive forward wants to be like, you know what? Yeah. I see this
shit. Okay. I got a relationship. I got a response. Got an injury. Next. Let's go. No. That's not the response we're looking for either. We gotta slow it down. Okay? So the purpose of this morning's session is to help you understand a few things. Okay, 1, everything you do makes sense. It all makes sense. 2, you've come so far already, how far have you come? I don't know your story necessarily, but I know if you're here, you've come really far and you've seen some
shit, and I have tremendous respect for you. I also know that you have high standards, and you wanna go to the next level. So this is about understanding those things, but also understanding the next level requires changing the relationship and improving the relationship between what happened to you
and your response to what happened to you. And that's up to you with support to understand that you don't have to do it by yourself and to realize that focusing on what happened to you and using that as a reason to not move forward is the first step in trauma awareness. Because guess what? Do we wanna move forward into a future where you're ignoring the injury or the response? Do we want we don't want that. I couldn't walk for 6 months in 2020. And I tried everything. There was no diagnosis.
I was, like, injecting things in, like, steroids and NSAIDs and, like, the pain like, literally Toradol, which is, like, the most intense anti inflammatory painkiller, did not work, which is insane. Okay? That is insane. The tour I was injecting Toradol into my body, and it did not work. Okay? You wanna know it worked? When I finally got quiet, paid attention to my foot, and I said, I don't know why. I wanna find out why. But if I were you, I wouldn't
wanna move forward either. For some reason, you don't wanna move forward. I don't know what it is. And it wasn't about finding out why. It was about, I see you improving the relationship with that part. And eventually, that part showed me. I have a ton of support to figure that out. Did not do that on my own. Okay. But the idea is is that we go root cause trauma searching from memories. Right? Yes. We need to relive certain traumatic memories with new sense of agency. Yes. We understand
that we procrastinate. Yes. But what we wanna do is improve the relationship to those 2 things so that we have more self compassion from when we're moving forward and things are hard. And we have an awareness that you know what? I'm changing the game. I thought the trauma work wasn't working, but I, oops, made it harder. Why? Because I made a larger goal. I raised my standards. I wanted more. When you want more, you increase complexity. When you want
more, you make it harder. Is that okay to want more? Yeah. But you gotta remember, if you make it harder, you gotta get more support, and you gotta realize you're changing the rules. So the reason why the trauma work isn't working is because you keep changing the rules, but you don't realize that you're doing it because you want more. This is the, like, dilemma between coaching and therapy. Okay? Is that with coaching, we move forward. Who cares
what happened? And then with therapy, can't move forward because of what happened in a general sense. Okay? And so we have to take all that into context and realize you probably made it if your standard is the way your life is today. If that is your standard, if all you want is what you want right now and what you have right now, you made it. And by the way, not to minimize that, was there a part of you maybe 5 or 10 years ago that could look at the life you're living now
and go, holy shit? Think about that. Are you living a part of your dream life that you used to maybe not think was possible? Maybe take it back 10, 20 years ago, and what you're in now is like, wow. So you also have to remember, you're in your dream life from the past. Okay? So you made it. You made it. Okay? You made it. Can we celebrate the fact that you made it? Let's give yourselves a round of applause for that. I think it's so important that you guys made it. Okay? And and you want more.
And by wanting more, you change the rules of the game. Okay? Who changed the rules? Now did you know you were changing the rules? Probably not. Right? So let's become aware of the fact that part of building a relationship that improves this dynamic over time is consciously acknowledging that you changed the rules. You know what? I did quit my job and started business. I changed the rules, didn't I? I I changed the I could've stayed in that job. I was unhappy, but I changed
the rules. Holy shit. I I got used to $10,000 a month, but I wanna get to 50. So I start a group program. Those were more complex. Change the rules. You know what? I decide I wanna go live in a tropical place for 2 months and not work. Why is it so hard? Because you changed the rules. Okay? That's why.