Here's a question for you. Okay, I'm asking you this question, not because I'm trying to knock anybody, but I want you to have some self reflection. Okay? How many practitioners have you had? So doctors, coaches, therapists, psychiatrists, etc. Okay? Anyone that helps you with your personal development, spiritual teachers, pastors, yoga teachers go down the list, okay? How many practitioners have given you a heads up? Will for you begin to
change? Okay? That, hey, you're gonna have some emotions come up that you're going to want to avoid, as we change. Thinking about this, how many practitioners have said, you know, we're going to help you change your diet, but there's gonna be a ton of emotion that comes up, that's going to take you out and we should be prepared for that. 00. Okay, why, okay, now, I'm not against anybody, but this is a problem. All right, everyone's trying to tell you what to do missing you
emotionally. Sounds like your childhood. Okay, doesn't it? Okay. And here's the deal. Not only do they not give you the heads up, hey, there's gonna be some tough stuff. How many practitioners have been said, okay, look, here's how you can take a trauma informed approach to support self regulation to make your journey successful. How many practitioners have done? Well, first of all, the answer was zero on the first one, so now the second one is zero, but the double zero, who's
got two zeros here? Let me see if I show hands. Okay. This is a problem. Okay. So what I want to do is I want to give you a heads up, okay, double negative goes. That's awesome. Really love that. Right? So I want to give you a heads up, okay. And we're going to talk about the six pillars of self regulation. Okay. But before I do, I want you to understand something. Okay? What I'm about to show you, is two dimensional, as a graphic, but it's actually four
dimensional. Okay? Four dimensional means it's here, it's this way, if they give the x axis, y axis and z axis, that's the 3d. Does that make sense? Right, so where am I in time, but then the fourth dimension is time. So at what time does it happen to Okay? So when we spiral in the fourth dimension, what that basically means is, it's where it's a timing your it's a, it's a place in your life, it's a time in your life, and it comes around like this, and it goes around
like this, okay? And so what that means is new level new devil. This is not a one and done thing. This is a, I go through it. I hit a certain top and what happens I go back down, and I go through it again. And I spiral like that. Does that make sense? Y'all? Does that make sense? Yes, hopefully. Okay. So new level new level. And also, if you feel like a lot of the work that you haven't been a lot of work that you've been doing
hasn't been working? If you've been with me for a while you should be made this analogy. It's like Jumanji, okay, the trauma work, the nervous system work, the coaching the therapy, whatever you've done up until now was like the last level. So if you're on level one Jumanji, you awesome, but the next level you want to get to in your life and your relationships, in your purpose in your healing in your finances, okay, requires a
different approach. Right? And here's the thing, every level gets harder and harder and harder and harder and harder. Who falls? This makes sense. So I want you to imagine a spiral that as you go up, the spiral gets harder and steeper. Okay. Does that make sense? So it's like the gravity gets more intense. Alright, y'all tracking
with me on this? Yes. Okay. Cool, because it's important understand that this is going to be a two dimensional graphic, but there's a lot more going on than just like, let me go through this one time. Like, no, this is like a lifestyle. Okay, so let me just share this with you. Can you guys see this? Yep. Okay, great. So so the first pillar of self regulation is safe and transformational. CO
regulation. Okay. CO regulation and that term, we are probably the first to use it in the coaching space and certainly on Instagram. For sure, nobody. There's nobody talking about that before us. And it's important that you know, people have been talking more and more about Alright, who's heard this term cut regulation, obviously by show of hands. Okay. Yeah, it's important connection. Okay. But there's different types of CO regulation. There's like shitty
co regulation, right? Where it's just like, oh, no, you're just, you're just in the room with someone who may be a jerk or whatever. And you have to collapse yourself. There can be traumatizing co regulation in a way. Right? We want safe, transformational co regulation. Okay, meaning, you have safety, to transform into your next level, right? Not safety to be quiet, not safety to shut down, not safety to bypass emotion.
Just you know, change your mindset big grateful when we're not doing that here, okay? Gratitude is beautiful. But mindset and gratitude work is not, there's way more to change than just being grateful for stuff. Okay? So what this means is we want to be in an environment, an environment, where are you day to day, where you can mutually send and receive safe signals that allow you to transform. Right? Your day to day environment has such a great without the right environment. This is why this is
at the bottom. Because without the right environment, everything else is almost impossible. Okay, who falls? This makes sense. If I don't have the right environment to feel safe to transform, safe to be myself, safe to change safe to do it differently? It's really hard to get to somewhere else. Okay. So we want to be in the right environment. We also want to have safe and transformational regulation in the right community. Right, we don't want to change on our own.
Okay, who here feels like you found an amazing community here? Let me see what's your hands? Right? The community is so important. Okay. We also want safe and transformational co regulation with the right practitioners. Right? There are lots of practitioners, coaches, therapists, doctors, and they don't prioritize safety. Nothing against any specific profession. I work with almost every profession, either as a quiet myself or clients with us, and
they're friends of mine. But what we have to realize is when we talk about a safe practitioner, there is what's called a relational Alliance. Okay, what does that mean? It means that one of the greatest changes that occurs is a safer relationship, right? When we look at the efficacy, what works, right? Why does something
work? A lot of times, y'all it's not the thing, whether it's EMDR, or somatic experiencing, or even cognitive behavioral therapy, it's the practitioner in your relationship with them, that really does the change. Who follows this makes sense. So when someone says to me, blank didn't work, you know, mastered you understand? EMDR just doesn't work for me. I always ask like, well, how safe did you feel at that person? And usually, the answer is not that
safe. Right? So it's not that like, therapists aren't safe. There's great therapists who are super safe. It's not the coaches aren't safe. There are great coaches that are super safe, right? But we want to start with a safe and transformational environment, community and practitioner. Without those things, everything else won't happen. Let me say it slightly differently. Everything else is highly unlikely to happen. Okay, I can't, I won't be said that
definitive. It's very difficult. Okay. Because you can't out willpower, your environment. Who falls? This makes sense. Okay, if you're in a community where you're always hiding, it doesn't work. Right? If you have practitioners where you don't feel safe, it doesn't work. Right? Anyone ever, like, done what you thought would make the practitioner happy? versus what you actually want him to do? Right? Nothing wrong, right. But we have to realize, like, hold
on a second, y'all. Before I even try to get in to anything else. Do I feel safe day to day where I am to be my new this person I'm trying to become? Do I feel safe to share all parts of myself? Do I feel safe to share the tough emotions? Do I feel safe to admit that I'm feeling a certain way? Right Is it is it isn't physically safe for me to do so here with others? Right? Who follows this make sense? Okay, so without this, nothing else really
becomes possible. Okay. This is like, if this was physics, this is the Big Bang. After the Big Bang, life happens. Okay? But before the Big Bang, no life, I just I love physics. So you're gonna get physics analogies for me sometimes. Okay. Okay, next. Okay. What we have, and we're gonna get into some, we're gonna start doing neuroscience terms. Okay, so don't start Googling. I'm not going to share the next slide till I get all hands to agree you're not gonna start
Googling terms right now. Later. who promises right now? All hands. Aaron. Okay, good. Okay, good. I see you, Sam. Okay, yeah. Okay, Google later, not now. Okay. So the first thing we want to realize once we have safety is, okay. Well, even before I reveal this, okay, we know that a top down approach is not the best approach, meaning just changing your mindset and your thinking is not where you want to start. Who if it was that easy, you would just change your mindset and you'd have whatever you
want. Right? Who here has a really hard time changing your mindset? Really hard time? Okay, so we start with mindset. Okay. The first thing we start with is what's known as this is working. Here we go. Okay. Meta affective awareness and skill set. What is that? Let me explain. Okay. Metta is a larger understanding of aspect is emotion. So you want to have a larger understanding Matter of fact, refers to the feelings you have
about your emotions. How do you feel about your emotions, which is a little bit of like a, like a catch 22 But you have an emotion, there's a way you feel about that emotion. So how do you feel about grief? How do you feel about anger? How do you feel about asserting yourself their emotions, okay? This includes feeling good or bad emotions, as well as how you think about your feelings and how you feel about your
feelings. Okay, so I know that's a little like kind of wordy, but meta affective awareness is, do I know how I feel? And do I know how I feel about how I feel? And a lot of people don't even know how they feel. Right? They're like, you ask them how they feel. They're like, I feel like you're annoying. Right? And so the first thing we want to realize is if we want something, you can't, if you can't measure something, you can't improve it. If you can't notice something,
you can't improve it. So you want to understand how do you feel? And how do you feel about how you feel? Because if we can improve how you feel about how you feel? It's a game changer. Most of the reasons why you get stuck is because you don't feel good about how you feel. Right? You can have a really hard emotion but have a different emotion about it. Does that make sense? Right, that's called what's called meta effective awareness, and the meta affected skill set, which is okay, how do
I navigate all the fields? Who's ever heard so that how are you doing all the fields? I mean, my feelings. I'm Drake today. I'm just Drake. I'm gonna be Drake today, it'd be an all my feelings, right? So meta effective awareness and skill set as I know how to feel what I feel, and I know how to feel about how I feel. And I feel solid about that. Does that make sense? I need a yes or no in the chat. Okay, make sense? Okay. That's
step one. So we need safety, while safety is step one, safe community safe environment safe practitioners. Step two is how do I feel about how I feel? And most people, especially if this is the beginning for you don't feel that great about how they feel? Right? How do I feel? Why would you even ask that? Well, you got work to do if you're thinking that way. Okay, right. So like, when you're triggered, for example, right? How do you feel about being triggered, so
upsetting? I just, I just quit, I get frustrated and I quit. Right? So if we can improve how you feel about a trigger, how you feel about being activated? How you feel about overwhelm, or stress or depression, right? We're going to help you move forward. Who follows this make sense? Okay. Okay, next. The next step is what's called meta somatic awareness, meta somatic awareness. Okay. What does that mean? Somatic awareness is being aware of the sensations in your body. So there is a difference.
One aspect, aspect is emotion. Somatic is physical sensations in your body an effect or emotion is how you the emotions that you feel. Somatic is what are the sensations so you could feel anxiety. That's an aspect that's an emotion that you're feeling feeling anxiety, I feel this like anxiety in my in my chest. But I also feel tension in my stomach. Who falls is a sense? So the tense or I feel like, you know, I feel anxious, but like my right shoulder and neck is just so tight. Right?
That's a somatic experience. Right? So somatic awareness, is being aware of the sensations in your body. And if you have a trauma history to your body is the last place you want to be. Right, I always for a long time, you should just wish it could be a brain in a jar. Go do stuff, right. And so somatic awareness involves paying attention to the physical sensations, and your body experience, along with the feelings you have about your
body experiences. So if you have physical pain, that's somatic, like chronic pain, the pain that you feel is somatic pain. How do you feel about that? Physical pain? Does that make sense? You guys with me so far? Yes. Okay. So we have to have a safe environment. We want to have meta effective awareness, which is how do I feel about how I feel? And what do I do about how I feel? Meta somatic awareness is? What's my body doing? Is there like a tension in my stomach and my clenching my jaw?
Am I like hunched over? Right? He's my heart racing. Right? What's happening in my body, when these emotions happen and your physical sensations are separate from your emotions? effect is emotion. Somatic is body who falls? This makes sense. Okay, so what does my body doing? This is why if I just talked about emotional regulation, that's not enough, right? Because emotional regulation has an effect, who follows you With me, Okay, next. Okay, we want to have what's
called metacognition. Okay, now Masson, what are you talking about metacognition is throwing all these terms. Okay? Metacognition is when you how you think about your thinking. Okay, it means that you're aware of your thoughts and the processes involved in how you think. So that you can control guide and improve your thinking. Okay, but that is almost impossible if you don't get your act and your schematics on board first. Okay, does that make
sense? Right? Because you're thinking, Who here has ever had the experience? Like you have a clear thought, oh, this makes sense. And then trigger and you're gone. It's just gone? Who knows? I'm talking about, right? So what happens is your mindset gets upset by an emotional trigger, or I don't know what to do. Right? Well, we need more effective awareness and effective skill sets to manage those emotions, to know what to do to understand what's happening in your body. Okay, so
that we can unclench our jaw. In fact, just right now, y'all unclench your jaw. Sit up straight, take your body out a little bit, notice a tension. Okay. Just notice that, okay, and metacognition is okay. That's the rationale. That's the reasoning. It's understanding how you do your thinking. Metacognition is how do I think about my thinking? Meta somatic awareness is how do I think and feel about my body and its tension? Or its state of my mind
and my physical body? Meta effective awareness is how do I feel about it? Right. And the problem is, you might have good metacognition, and really shitty somatic awareness and effective awareness. Right? You ask most people how they feel they're like, Yeah, I don't know how I feel. Don't even ask me that. I can't even answer that question. I mean, want to answer that question. Let me go work out. I'll get back to you. Okay, the next step, okay, is what's called defense experiencing and
restructuring. Let me break it down. Okay. So defense experiencing is experiencing the things that are your defenses, right? So it's the stuff that you present. That's like how you check out right. So it's like, when Who here has noticed when I coach somebody, I'll highlight their evasiveness? Oh, that's kind of evasive, who's seen me do that? Let me see your hands. Right? What I'm doing is I'm making their defenses explicit. Does that make sense? Like, oh,
that's a defense. That's a defense, he didn't answer my question. Right? I'm like, oh, that's the defense. And then other parts come in. They're like, confused, oh, what do you mean, right, and all that type
of stuff, right. So part of this process is we're going to initiate a change, we're gonna have a safe environment, safe practitioner faith community, we're going to improve how you feel about how you feel, we're going to improve the your relationship to your physical body, we're going to help you improve your thinking about how you think. And once we're comfortable with those things, we're going to experience the way you defend, that's unconscious, and we're going to
restructure that defense. And so what that means is, when you go through a defense experiencing a restructuring, you learn to identify and give up survival based defense responses that you might have, right, procrastination, overwhelm, etc, okay. And this allows you to start expressing emotions, physical sensations, thoughts that were previously too difficult due to excessive inhibition, meaning avoidance, right? So what that means is now you get in touch with the anger.
Now you get in touch with the sadness. Now you get in touch with the desire. You know what, yeah, I do want that I do want to have a big life. I do want money, I do want to have be joyful, I want to be excited. Right? Or I'm just angry. Right? This is why it's so valuable to listen. Right? Because if we can help you experience how you have unconsciously defended yourself and restructure how you defend yourself, to make your defensive
defenses up to date. Okay, and to make your defenses applicable to today, because there's things you want to defend against for sure. Okay. But we have to, we want to experience it and restructure that, right. But here's the thing, if you get taken out by triggers we never get that far. involves this
makes sense? Right? And what happens is, if you don't have meta effective awareness, minutes, somatic awareness, metacognition, and you don't have safety, is their defense re experiencing and restructuring instead of restructuring, you get retraumatization? Right. So you can go through the same thing over and over and over again and re traumatizing yourself, or you could experience it and make a different choice. So we want to understand how do you defend yourself from your next level?
With procrastination with confusion? How do I how do I how do I just keep a lid on it and not say something when I really want to write my negativity threshold so high that like I have to literally be like, almost dead broke and and just discarded before I say something, right? How can we experience that and it helped you restructure it. Does that make sense? Y'all? Are y'all with me on this? Okay, I can't tell are your defenses up?
Immediately the defense is like, delete this layer, we will not do this layer, okay, we're not doing it. We're gonna do all the other layers. But this layer, you had me at meta effective awareness, but defense restructuring, we are not allocating our defense spending elsewhere. Okay, we have our enemy and it is me. Okay, but that's what we want to do. We want to restructure how you defend yourself to be able to start to safely express your emotions. And guess what you get
to do after that, y'all. That's what's the last level. I'm starting get confused, which is one of my defenses exactly the minute you start talking about defenses or protectors. Right, all of a sudden, that's really smart people get real dumb real quick, right? I understand. I understand quantum physics, but I do not understand how I defend myself. What are you talking about? Okay, so once you restructure your defenses, okay, then the next level from there is you're actually able to have
authentic self expression. Okay. And the goal of authentic self expression is to be able to express the fullness, the fullness of who you are in a safe and new way. And that will set you up to reach your next level to achieve your goals to create healthy relationships and to benefit other people in your life. Okay, who here has ever said something like, I just want to be my true self? What if your true self right now is terrified of how you feel?
What if your true self right now doesn't even though you have tension in your right shoulder? What if your true self right now just wishes that you would not be taken out by triggers? And what is your true self has no way of experiencing a new outcome? just stuck