Hello there. Hey. Hello. Wow. Powerful. Just a lot of opening and structs here. Was gonna bypass all the context and go straight to, you know, with, coaching and harnessing, just like you said, the what I've been through. And and really, people are seeking me. I'm a first responder myself. So, very familiar with thank you, with Complex PTS. I didn't know what I didn't know. And like you I mean, just a lot of psychoeducation here. What is what what context did you do first responding?
Fire the fire service for context and nonprofit that, works on military first responders and heal from complex PTS. And I and I volunteer for that organization, coach, lead. So you're basically doing the Lord's work is what I'm hearing you say. You know, without from a very from a a lot of humility, it's what it ends up being. It's it's holy smokes. The journey has been beautiful. 12 Step recovery, helping other first responders,
meditating for 3 years straight. A lot, like you said, the fragmented of of being in a lot of different disciplines. Very powerful 3 year journey. I've watched relationships change, my marriage, 2 teen daughters. Beautiful to watch them just set boundaries with their friends and, you know, and I'm like, the best thing we can do is heal ourselves for our loved ones and our family and friends. We heal 7 generations before us and 7 generations after us. Holy
smokes. I'm a witness to it, and I believe it. The struck I got was that high level of coping, is where I feel I am at right now. I've had some powerful breakthroughs just the last week of I've done 3 years of ACA. So familiar with the parts work, inner child, knowing when that critical parent's online and and bringing on the loving loving side. And, really at the point in my career where I could retire next year and been looking at this coaching business, helping first
responders basically heal from what I've been through. I use myself as an example. I share my story. I love what I heard because there was a lot of shifts that I just got from from all those coaching sessions of not labeling myself with complex PTS because that's what I did. I I I've never been diagnosed, but I self diagnosed it. I mean, I know what it is, and it is what it is. And it happened is where I'm at. But I I it's like
this press. I always get to these precipice of, like, okay. I know I'm having a big breakthrough because acting out, wanting to go through my triggers, just start hitting that surface and just really hearing I need to be safe enough to move forward has been powerful. And it's that I know I'm safe enough financially to move forward if I want to retire. Like, I get that. And I feel that now, and I know that now in my
heart. Doesn't mean I'm going to do it, but I just just to have that peace of mind, has been powerful. And just the last couple days. Yeah. Just that's really where I've been sitting is this. I just wanna let you go something for a couple of things. 1, your energy and your heart is so beautiful. And so, like the righteous in a good way, not the way I was thinking about myself earlier. And like your desire to serve what you already do to serve, like who you are is just so beautiful. And,
and I can see it so clear. And I also wanna let you know that I don't think I'm gonna let you get away with what you just said. Okay? Which is you're kinda lost on the next step because you already told me what it was. I already know I already know what it is. No way. No. You already said it. Okay? So don't you go thinking that you're gonna fool me. Okay? Because just because you're saying it all sweet and nice doesn't mean I don't see exactly what you just told me, which is you know exactly
what your next level is. Now there might be a part of you that might be confused, but I don't know if it's confusion. Because here's the thing. Okay? Like, how should I put this? Like, I am not a first responder. Okay? However, I am really good in a crisis. Does that make sense? Like, when shit is just, like, going crazy, like, I am, like, present, alert, problem solving. Like, I I I have a I have a real beautiful capacity to be in chaos and crisis, which is
also my downfall. Okay? We come to this normal everyday living. Okay? Because, like, where am I gonna get my dopamine from? Right? And we'll be I need another crisis to create to get dopamine. Right? But the reason why I'm saying that is because, like, as a first responder, I would imagine that you arrive on the scene not having all the information. Is that true? Oh, a 100%. Yeah. Okay. My my my upbringing and survival traits serves me very, very well in in this career. A 100%.
So so what I'm trying to tell you is is that, like, the part of you that that part that goes into something with uncertainty, so much uncertainty, but certainty, that's leadership also. Right? I saw it smile. I saw it. I saw that last week. Well, I'm I'm I'm high up in the organization. So, yes, that has that led me to to be where I'm at today. That's right. For sure. But, like, the that that, like, I'm gonna just show up. I don't know what I'm gonna find, basically. Right?
I mean, it's it's pretty scary, but also kind of exciting. Right? Like, that part of you can also bring you into your next chapter, and I promise to listen to you and to not let you tell yourself you're confused when you just told me what your answer is, which is different than I'm wrestling with my clarity. Does that make sense? Yeah. Yeah. There's that. Different parts. We have lots of different parts. Mhmm. But you just said this coaching thing. I wanna retire and do
coaching. You just said it. You could check tape later because this is recorded. Okay? I'll bring receipts. Okay? Alright. So it's like, let's shift it from I'm confused about it to talking about what's stopping you or what you're wrestling with, what you already told me you want. It's a little bit more honest because the way you talk is so, like, I feel your heart. I feel your soul. But the problem was is that you were saying all this sweet stuff, and then
you were like, but I'm confused after just saying what you wanted. But you said it in such a sweet way. It'd be easy to be like, oh, okay. Okay. Right? But it's like, no. Hold on a second. Hold on a second. Mister first responder. Okay? Mister leader, mister I help, like, the military first responders. Okay, with rapids. I mean, the you're something good, but how safe he must be to be around must be amazing. And I will the one thing I'll
tell you, my father is a Vietnam veteran. He's a was a medic on a helicopter. And Yeah. Like, it's interesting how he doesn't want to talk to Afghanistan veterans or Iraq war veterans. He was taught to Vietnam veterans, ideally medics from helicopters. Right. It's like so specific. It's a shared context. Right. Yep. And, the amount of safety and respect that you must be able to command to be in a room like that, where you served in a different way, but you still put yourself
in risk. You still put yourself out in the, put your, put your life on the line is so beautiful. And I just want you to know that you can step into coaching just like you step into a first responder situation without all the information. Wow. And just take that skill set and transfer it because you already had the
skill set. I would imagine I've never done first responder anything, but I would imagine it would be you have some sense of where you're what's what you're about to meet up against, some some idea of what it's some some brief vague context of what you're about to see. And then what do you do? Do you arrive? Do you evaluate? Do you get information depending on how much intensity do you go in or not go in? I
mean, I'm sure there's certain protocols for certain things. There's probably some degree of teamwork and communication that happens. Right? There's probably some type of best practice even if you don't know exactly what's gonna happen about how to go about doing certain things. I would imagine. Is that true? Yeah. And then you get more information. Right? Yeah. In the past 3 years, I've had a mentor who does live coaching, and he's taking me under his wing.
And I also offer that to That's right. That's right. Now your tone changed, by the way. Your your tone Yeah. It does went and and I know when I get into that mode, it's I see it. It's it's all Who noticed that, by the way? Who knows the tone change? Right? Because I was like, okay. There he is. There he is. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So what's this part of you think about the next chapter of your life? Yeah. This this this part of me is
there's a part of me that says just that, that I can do this. I mean, even in being in the position that I am now, like, it I don't need to retire. Like, that's just just a story at times, of saying I'm good that this isn't my identity. Maybe just change the t to a w. Which Retire. Just change the t to a w. Okay. I like that. The I just get the feeling that that you probably would be bored if you had nothing going on, if you weren't having a new challenge. True. I had that feeling.
Yeah. And there's probably a way to do it where you can still have more time with family and prioritize all the things that matter to you. I'm doing it now. Okay. Well, then there we go. I am. I mean, you know, I'm doing it. I'm doing it now. I think that venture is I'm doing it for other people as well, like other organizations, which is great. I love it. It's free. I'll give it back. Teach meditation at a recovery facility now. I put myself out there. I stepped out of my comfort zone.
And, of course, they said yes. Of course they did. You know, probably undercharged, but it it's my first gig, and Yep. I didn't wanna be stingy. And, you know, the heart's there more about wanting to help others. That's right. That's right. Necessarily make make a dollar. So, there's a part that sees that this job led to unhealthy behaviors. Right? I mean, I have the PTS from childhood, you know, developmental trauma, and you lay the moral injury on from this job.
So, but right here, I'm telling myself, hey. I'm in a different position now being up in the the top ranks that I'm not going on the calls day to day and and experiencing that. So I I'm in a safer place, and I do know that. And that's why I am here. It's because I know that's where I need to be. Is the moral injury loss based? Lost? Loss, l o s s. Like, loss based?
Yeah. I think it's yeah. Most of them are are lost based. You know, my father my my father well, the reason why I say that is because of my father, you know, he is best friend, also Vietnam vet. And my father, again, army medic on a helicopter. His best friend, marine. Okay? So one person basically is taking lives and another
person is saving lives, basically. And my father did some controversial shit because, for example, he would save an enemy life if he could focus on saving a life, whereas if he put it focus on, you know, one of, one of the guys that was gonna die anyway, If he could actually just work on the enemy, they could save a life. He got some shit for that, but he prioritized life more than anything else, which I respect him for tremendously. However, his PTSD
is different than his friends. His friend is more shock based because he was on the front lines and experiencing warfare and all the horror about the horrors of that and all the things. And I remember I was sitting at a a bar at a hotel in Asheville, North Carolina, at the Grove park in with my dad and his best friend. And his
best friend was like jovial, uplifting, excited. And my dad's kind of just like, kind of has like a more of a kind of a sadder demeanor, basically kind of more, more somber. I'm sitting here and I'm just like looking at them talk. I go and they're talking about the war and then politics and all stuff. I go, okay. Hold on
a second, guys. I need to understand something. How come you, a marine who took lives, is sitting here today, happy, excited about life, and you, I don't even know how many lives you've saved, kinda like, I don't know, between the lives you saved and then the family and, I mean, there's gotta be 10, 20000 people alive because of you, and you're somber, and there's probably, like, 10 or 20,000
people not alive because of you, and you're excited and happy. Like, what? Like, explain to me how this could possibly be the case. And the marine said something, he goes, oh, Mastin, that's simple. I go, how is it simple? He said, well, one day on the battlefield, we're under a lot of fire and, like, it just we were not gonna make it through the night. It was the middle of the night. We're not gonna make it through the night. And
I I just prayed to god, god, let me see one more sunrise. That's all I want. It's just one more sunrise. And it didn't think it was going to happen, but he gave me the gift of 1 more sunrise and every single sunrise has been a gift since. And I'm like, holy shit. Like that is profound. Like they chills even saying it now. Whereas with my father, my father was and has been, and is processing every loss. He wasn't focused on lives saved. He's focused on what the people he
couldn't save. And so here you do here. You got one person who saved lives and generations are alive because of him, but it's focused on the ones he lost and someone who took life, but it's focused on one more sunrise. And then you out picture that. I don't know how long it's been 40, 50 years. Right? And look at where they've arrived to emotionally in their life. And it's like, what a profound difference. And when you talk
about moral injury, you talk about the loss of the self of world. You talk about grief based trauma. It's very different than shock based trauma. Does that make sense? A 100%. Yeah. I get that sense from you. I don't know if that's accurate. But Yeah. A 100%. And where my heart at is at with those here is is, I'm our peer support coordinator. I have a support canine. Started that program up here. Love that. And it it's knowing what they're going through
and watching them suffer. Because I suffered, and I went through it. That was more by curious. They don't have they don't have to. And I know it's not my job to fix them. That that's not my job. I'm not God. And so just me being me has watched, you know, 12 other people in this organization and other police officers in the city go through the program as well, and they're working on their healing. So that,
to me, is everything. So what if we could create your next level as a way to create a corrective emotional experience for any moral injury you sustained? What would be the opposite of a moral injury? Like, well, opposite of injury? I would what's taking me right here is, healing. What if you have the next level, the context of it be, this is about moral healing. That could be profound for
myself and others. That could be very profound. Because if we're gonna acknowledge the trauma, we also have to acknowledge the resilience. Yes. We can increase the value of that trauma by learning it from it. Like, I would say someone who made tremendous value of their trauma would be Victor Frankl. Yeah. I mean, what he went through is unspeakable and not valuable in and of itself, but what he did with it was extremely valuable. What he went through was atrocious, literally an atrocity.
Right. But man search for meaning what value to create from such a horrible thing. Talk about more injury. Right. So I think that like trauma, trauma can define us and, and we can increase the value of our trauma to ourselves if we start to define it. And we can also imagine how we can help others define theirs. And that's exactly what he did. He created a whole branch of therapy by doing that. You know, is rooted in some of the most intense experiences
as human beings can go through. You know, what's different about something like that versus say veterans is, and I'm not saying that the Holocaust is, was better. I'm not saying that. What I am saying though is in the concentration camps, they did have each other. And when someone comes out of active duty, there's all that support and structure gone and they're sort of isolated. Right? So like that connection is gonna be so powerful for them. And that's something that you can provide
some connection and support. So I think, I think contextualizing that, because I know we have to wrap up now, but contextualizing the next level of your life as, like, I'm gonna create more flexibility to create moral healing and more structure and support and connection for this incredible group of people that that need it could be very valuable. Does that make sense? And that can increase the value of your history. Yeah. And thank you for the work you do.
It's it's like really, really inspiring and powerful and just like amazing. And just thank you for being here and honoring us with your presence. Yeah. Thank you. Appreciate you all. Thanks for holding space.