Hi. So nice to see you all and hear your voice and yeah. I love it. I guess my question, My question is kind of around health challenges because I feel like I'm sometimes have A very like, I've been through a lot health wise over the past 5 years and really had to advocate for myself to get to the position I'm at Now my hands are working. Woo hoo. I feel way more regulated. I was able to travel regulated, which was Incredible. And I think a ton of that is due to the work
that I've done with you guys. It was It was even in super stressful moments. I and it was also very easy to tell when other people I was traveling with for work We're not able to stay regulated in stressful environments, and I felt like you know, I I don't think I've ever felt regulated traveling in my whole life, especially, like, you know, we're, like, in city. We're doing things, and I do feel like
this level of regulation. And I'm Having a struggle right now because I feel like the health challenges are now not just mine. My daughter's really been experiencing. We found out that she has low immunity, and I'm realizing that I've just had to advocate so much my I mean, I just went through that whole health crisis the past couple years and surgery and finally starting to feel more
regulated now. And then now having that, like, mirrored with her, I just I'm it's I just feel like it's really causing a lot of stress In our world, like, she's out of school. They bumped them out of high school, but she missed 10 days of school. And they were like, you're out of here. And I'm just I'm finding I I just I'm I'm really feeling the slow level of stress as a parent not knowing how to
Like, we're doing all the things. Right? And I think there's a level of surrender that's needing to happen, but I'm also observing for me that, like, it's impacting this this, like, Background stress in my brain is impacting my ability to properly do my work and properly be function you know, I feel like I'm not functioning well. I mean, I'm not trying to make it, like, you know. Yeah. Can do I can do momming. I can do
momming. This is a different level. Oh, but, like, I don't know. Like, I feel like Every mom I've ever met that's biochemically healthy worries about their children. And then if they're sick, worries more. So It's it's not so much worry. It's just a level of feeling like I don't have the bandwidth To, you know, kind of like I I'm feeling I'm having a hard
times I'm having a hard time Dang regulated. I was able to leave and go on the trip thanks to my mother, but I'm also feeling like I'm having a hard I'm feeling like I'm having to choose, Basically I see. I'm having and it's it's tricky for me because I feel like it's I've been really working on this delicate balance. I feel regulated. I feel like I'm able to handle the situation, but I feel like I am not able to give what I need to give to the business and work Function and hold
space for this other frequency. So, like, holding healing space isn't It's, I'm I'm kinda over it, to be honest. Like, I'm kinda over holding healing space, and I know that that and and I don't wanna be That's, yeah, that's a tricky one. I just, like I don't know. I guess I just feel frustrated. I feel kind of, like, mad Got a little bit, you know, like that feeling where I'm just, like, for real. Like, we've got more of this to deal with. Like, can it
can it just, like, let up at some point? And it's, I don't know. No. I see that. Yeah. I know the answers now. Yeah. Right when you think you got it all solved, something else happens, but it's a I look at this these moments not as the other shoe dropping. My perspective Is I look at them as a warm up for my next
level. So for example, life might be asking you how to find more balance with your work and your in your in your family life so that you're able to balance it more and not have everything so reliant upon you. That's a good point. Yeah. Because I do feel like that's been my biggest struggle. Like, I can really resonate with what I was saying too. Like, burnout has been a big I mean, you guys know you've Watched my old divine storm chaos. Like, I went from being a super overfunctioning people
pleaser piling everything on my plate. And I also see the other part of it is I I think that the issue I'm having too is, like, I just kinda don't want to anymore. I don't I just I kinda just wanna go lie on the beach. I don't wanna I don't wanna, like I I understand. And I think what you might mean is you don't want to the way you I don't want it the way I have, and I'm I'm, like, and I feel like you don't want to. Like, I think you want to be a mother. I think you want to be
an entrepreneur. Oh, for sure. Alright. I think you want to be able to hold space for your family when they're in a having a hard time, and I think you want to be in business. I just don't know if you want to do
it the way you've done it. That's actually a really good point because I feel like when you hearing you say it like that, I'm seeing that I'm having resistance Even with things in business, like, I feel like I have a lot of resistance to moving forward, and I think a lot of it out of fear that I don't want it to be the same that it's been in the past because I know where that gets me. You know, Something that happens in my nervous system is I start working with people.
And for a long time, I didn't understand it. But over the last few years, it's really come clear to me. I start working with somebody. And, like, you know, I don't mean, like, as a coach. I mean, like, in, like, in our business. Right? Mhmm. Right. Mhmm. And then if I find myself, like, having not no desire to call them or talk to them or avoiding them Too much. I I mean, I I am a, it's it's like it's like I I am I'm a, evasive person in general When it comes to protecting my creativity,
but, like, there's degrees of evasion. Right? Ditto. And and so, like like Like, I mean, like, really evading someone, like, not responding, like, what are the stuff. Right? Like like, I mean, there'll be times where I go into a creative hole, but, I mean, like, I find myself with somebody like, Right. What I realized actually is that I've made an unconscious assessment of that person. They're no longer aligned with with me. And so one of the things I track because it's a neuroception.
Happening outside my awareness. Because I track when do I start avoiding people that I work with. Right? Like, when do I not wanna call them back? When do I kind of all these things? And then I go, That's probably a sign that I'm deciding something about them unconsciously. And instead of just, like, continuing to avoid them, nip it in the bud. Right? Because this person is no long because Most of the people that I work with there in my life, any, like, type of, like, meaningful way, I
enjoy talking to them. And I I'm In creativity and sometimes evasive from moment to moment because I wanna be creative more than I wanna be administrative. But then there's people I'm just like, and Kinda don't talk to them for a while, and what I realized is there's just, like, a level of of misalignment there. Right? And the reason I'm bringing this up is because The same thing happens with, like, tasks in the business. Right? Like, for me, it's just like, do I really have to do this
thing again? The answer is yes Hi. Until you figure out, meaning me to me, how to make someone or help someone else do that. Right? So what you're noticing about the business is also where you want to be aligned versus where you don't wanna be aligned. And that's okay. There there are weird people whose joy in life is bookkeeping. I don't understand them. Their their their purpose in life is the Chart of accounts.
Make it accurate. That's what they do. And they're just like Seriously. Love and light to that. I'm like, alien. But then they look at what I do, and they're like, you're weird. You know? So I think that you're just getting in rapport with the things that matter most to you And then resisting the things that are no longer aligned with where you wanna be, and you need to create more
space. That's a really good way to look at it. I've been looking at it as self love because I've had to just say no to a lot of things Well, that's awesome. At the past 6 months because I know I started to notice that, like, a version thing where I was like, wow. I have, like, serious aversion to dealing with these people or
dealing with these things. And I think that for me, that has when I've I had to look at it and be like, well, maybe that just means I'm not supposed to work with that person if it's not in alignment, and I think there's a level of things. I think there's a level of, like, responsibility. Right? But Here's the thing. If I'm fighting with you, I care. The the you wanna get worried when you don't hear from me. Because my
best friend knows this about me. She's like she's like, when you don't communicate, she's like, you can feel it. You know? Like, she's like But like, you know I feel you when you don't respond. She's like, so I know how your business people feel when you, like But no. But there's a difference between someone there's a difference between, I think you're back to someone because I'm busy versus you're out. Oh, I I know this. I know this all
too well. I had a few of those. Yeah. And what I'm saying is is that, like, pay attention to that. It's that's really interesting. I think that's a good way for me to chart it because I I am feeling that very extreme level of aversion with certain people, and it's Pay attention to that. Yeah. It's the tricky one. I feel like I do. I'm I am having also, like, I don't know. I'm having a version for some of the,
just the yeah. There there are tasks And there are people, and it's also, like I guess I don't really know. I I know how to be burned out, and I know how to be an overdoer. Like, I know that. Like, I got that shit on lock. Like, I can be That's not that's not what we're talking about here. What we're talking about is how you Stop that because your body's giving you signs on what to pay attention to that's not yours to do anymore or where you need help. Yeah. That's interesting.
I I guess I'm I'm recognizing through having this conversation with you that I don't know how to do this balanced thing. That looks very accurate. Foreign to me To have, like, a balanced reality, and I'm realizing even it's interesting because as soon as I came home too, I'm observing that, like, I'm falling back similar patterns that I was before I left on the trip, and I'm seeing that there's Okay. Yeah. I'm balance, I'm not super good. I don't
it's like I don't know. It's kinda like how regulation was For me, when I came like, I had no idea what ventral felt like. I was like, oh, this fantasy unicorn thing over there, maybe I'll be able to get A way to even feel it. And now I feel like I can feel it, and I feel like there's, I guess maybe what I what I'm Realizing from talking to you is maybe I need to figure out how to marry those things, like getting them to hold hands in a healthy way. Like the act like, action and ventral, I
that's foreign to me. Like, having a regulated State that feels like it's in action is also a foreign experience to me. So I'm When you know what is The right action to take that's based on what you wanna do and then how to get help and the other stuff, then the action won't feel so foreign. You know? Okay. Like like, Okay. Like, I avoid, Yeah. Like like, you know, like, that thing where you have to do every month where you have to say, this expense is in this category? Oh, I hate that.
Yeah. I don't do that. I do it once a year, and I just, like, push through it. Like, I just, like and I could probably do it once a month or whatever, but I just it's just I hate it. I just I can't stand it. Right? So it's like, I'm not gonna try to be my own bookkeeper. I'm not. I'm not gonna do it. I resign as the bookkeeper, And I get a bookkeeper. Right? The same thing's true. Like, you know what else I don't do? This is this is true. I don't take out the trash. I put shit in the trash
sometimes. Sometimes. I don't take out the trash. I don't. And it doesn't the trash at your house, though. Like, who Not me. A housekeeper. God bless her. She's angel. Okay? And I have 3 trash cans so that there's enough time because he comes 3 times a week. Right? You know what else I don't do? I don't even open my own Amazon boxes anymore. I just let it pile up until Irma comes by. And Irma comes in. She just unboxes
them. She puts them right there. She unwraps them from the plastic thing. She puts in the recycling, Takes out the recycling, like, all that stuff. I don't wanna touch any of that shit. If it was just me if it was just me, I just have these Amazon box that would pile up, And there'd be all this trash never gets taken out. That's what happens if it's left to
my devices. I've lived that way. I can relate. There are no resign As the person who takes the trash out, and I resign as the person who opens Amazon boxes. I resign. And I outsource because I wanna do it because it's I don't wanna do it. I I could literally do other shit that's more that requires more energy. I just don't wanna do that thing. Right? And there's reasons for that based on my history that just it's not what I want. I don't wanna do it. And I by the way,
I mean this. Like, I will not take out the trash. I will let shit just Just pile up maggots in there and shit. I'm telling you, like, I don't give a about thinking. I don't I don't want to. I rebel against it. I have a list of these things too. I feel it. That's 1. Somebody's somebody's saying this. I'm not just saying this know how I feel it. For my own gratification. I'm not I don't don't need to talk about my trash habits for my own self. I'm saying this for you. I'm
resonating. I know. I got my own list. Like like, go pick out the goddamn trash. Just don't do it. Have someone else do it. I have Okay. I'm getting better at those things. By the way. Yeah. I know. I know. It's also, like, same thing but different. I don't wanna open you know what? I would rather I would rather put on a new shower head Then take out the trash. It's like that game of would you rather I think I'm seeing, but, like, that's kind of what
I need to play with myself. I was doing that today with the weather, I was looking at the mountains, and I was like, oh, let's play smash your pass with the weather. This is a big fat pass for me. Like, Yeah. This is a pass. I don't want it. I don't want it. I just don't want it. You know you know what Jenna said once? I I I'll never forget this About about me. She said, Mastin acts as if he has a Balinese family of 4 that walks behind him At all times,
taking care of things, tidying things up. And I said, that's true. That is truer than true. Oh. I don't want to tidy my environment up. I don't wanna do it. I pay for it. You wanna know why? Because when I was a kid, everything was a mess, and it was disorganized, and it's painful. So it's a way for me to be regulated Well, I don't have to do it because I'm overburdened. That's my wounding. Overburdened. Too much. Too much. Too much. Right? I remember being, like, 13 or 14
years old. My father would go outside, chop firewood, Put it in a bin outside. Literally, the fireplace is here, probably 4 or 5 feet to the door. Open the door directly outside the door on the on the on the patio is a bit of firewood. It's probably 7 to 9 feet away from the fireplace. My one of my only chores was to take the firewood from outside inside. Asked me if I did it. I didn't do it.
I Yeah. Kicked and screamed. I made it such a pain in the ass For me to do the firewood that literally to this day, if you ask my father, tell me about NASA and the firewood. Like, we get all traumatized. Right? But, like, I just I don't wanna do it everything else is already a mess. I don't wanna I don't I'm not the cleaner here. That's not my I I grew up in this chaos and mess. I'm like, you do it. And what I would say to my 15 and 14 year old self is you're overwhelmed with
the responsibility of taking care of so many things already. You don't have time for more. And then you repeat that in business and in relationship and all these things. Okay. I'm just taking that in because that feels a lot like How I feel. And I feel I feel like I push it all away when it's when it's too overwhelming or too overburdened or too much or there's just I shut down when there's too much, and that's kinda how I feel with the health issues and the other things Exactly. Where
it's like, I'm just like, I look at the to do list. It's like a legal page long, and I'm like, oh, that. I'm like, I'm gonna go No. But no. But I'm saying that else. What I'm saying is that Yeah. I feel it. But But no. I'm saying that. Like Yeah. But it have somebody else do it. Yeah. But it's like, I can't have somebody do the whole entire Oh, yes. Kim. You can. I have I have I have brought in assistance over the past Chunk of time because it was too much for me. So I
definitely feel that. I just I guess, for me, it's like, I don't really know how in business, there I'm like, It's like the relinquishing of it comes back to the relinquishing of control, I think, at some point too because not to. Yeah. I mean You wanna know what my love I don't know what this would be considered a love. That may acts of service, I guess. You know what I love? I love being able I don't wanna go I don't do grocery shopping anymore, like, out to the
store. I just why when you have Postmates and Instacart? Like, why would you ever do that? So for me, like, I order Instacart. That's my love language. I've got the shit. I basically that's my version of going out hunting, and here's the shit. What regulates me is anybody else Taking the shit out of the bag and putting it away. Interesting. I feel the same way. I mean, it's not like When Erba gets here, there's a bag of groceries for her. And it's like, she's known me for 20 something years.
Right? I don't have the capacity to do this. Okay? Meanwhile, I could be outside working out, burning more calories doing I experience myself in a much different way that's harder, but it's for a different purpose and a different reason. Okay. You're making me feel a lot better because I feel like there's things that I'm just like I and I don't even sometimes I'm just like, can I actually even afford like, keep the house cleaner, you know, coming, or is
it lazy, or is it this, or is that? And, ultimately, you're making me feel a lot better because there are Things that are more valuable to do with my time. I get paid Yeah. You need more than