So who here is starting to get some clarity on why you're stuck? And it's not because necessarily of what happened to you, but the relationship between what happened to you and the response. We're starting to see that. Let me see if I show your hands. If you're confused, that's okay. What is your relationship to confusion? Okay. That's also an important thing to think about. Okay. Now wanna just kinda show y'all this little triangle.
Okay. This is the functional coaching model. Okay. And here are the layers that we work at. Okay. At the very bottom layer, we call it your trauma or your original incident. That is the injury that we talked about. And many of you have an awareness of what that trauma is. Some of you have notebooks full of it, but there's an awareness that something happened.
Okay? Now if we look at what happened, the experience that happened, we can call it beliefs context, or if we use neuroscience, the neural expectation of what happened. Okay. So we have what happened, and above that creates a neural expectation or beliefs about life because of what happened. And this is really what we're thinking through right now. Okay? It's a deeper level. Okay? because what this means is is life safe is life dangerous. Are men
safe? Are women safe? Who am I? What what is life about? Right? What if I if I have a need, will my need get met? Am I allowed to speak up? Is it safe to use my voice? Those are the expectations that happened to us at an unconscious level. Now here's the thing about beliefs. Okay. Beliefs are not just something in your brain. believes live in your body, primarily in your body. Right? Another word for that would be parts. If you're an IFS person, Right? Parts live in your body. Okay?
Neural expectations live in your body. Okay? And when those get activated, we have emotions based on those. If I don't feel worthy, that produces a certain emotion. Right? And that emotion produces a thought. I suck. Right? And then the behavior is procrastination. Now this can be both for positive experiences or traumatic experiences. Right? So we could have traumatic experiences that we've been through But we start to re decide or relive or rewire those experiences. And then guess
what? Our neuro expectations, our beliefs start change. Meaning, before when I felt unworthy, I would collapse. That's what my belief said. When I feel unworthy, when I feel the emotion of unworthiness, my belief consciouses, I have to stop. Now it's when I feel unworthy, I can keep going. I don't have to be worthy or feel worthy to go. That's a shift in a neural expectation. Who follows? And if you do that long enough, the emotions change. You do that long enough, the behavior changes.
Okay? And so here's the thing. In travel world, we get so focused on the trauma that we're not realizing that the obsession on the trauma and the relationship to all that is what's stopping you. who falls. Okay? So what we wanna do is we're gonna be working at all these different levels. Okay? But here's the thing. When you feel unworthiness, Unhappiness, not enough, whatever the emotion is that's been stopping you, what do you do? that's at that unconscious
belief, body level. Right. I collapse. I stop. Whatever the word. I I don't speak up. Right? And that's because of an experience or series of experiences that you've had. And the cool thing about the functional coaching model y'all is it's an approach. It's not really a modality. Right? EMDR is a modality. Internal family systems is a modality. Mastin experiencing is a modality. Cognitive behavioral therapy is a modality. It's like a delics or a modality. attachment,
therapy is a modality. Right? Cyclodynamic therapy is a modality. Any modality that you've used fits into our approach. because what we do is we figure out some version of what happened to you. And then what experiences did you have? What did you do? What would you what decisions did you make about what you can or can't do when you feel certain things? How do we help you start to create more nervous system flexibility? And, oh, by the way, where do you wanna go and why?
Right? So if I know that every time I wanna move forward, I feel like I'm gonna be abandoned that that's pretty much gonna happen almost every time I wanna move forward, it's not about stopping the feeling of abandonment, but improving the relationship with it. Who follows? The difference between a modality and approach. A modality is like, I don't know, And modality would be like EMDR. It's a very specific
thing that you do. Right? It's a very specific thing. Or psychedelics, MDMA, is a modality, right, therapy, different types of therapy is a modality. And approach is, like, how are we gonna solve this problem? What what's the thinking? It's an approach to things. We may bring in different modalities for different things. Right? But we take a trauma informed and purpose informed approach and we'll get more into purpose tomorrow.
But with an approach, you can bring different modalities in and out as needed. Right? think of a modality like a tool. If you're gonna build a house, how many tools do you need? Lots of tools. Who follows? Right? And so a modality is like a hammer or a nail or a saw, but to build a house, we need all those things. Plus, why are we building this house in the first place? Let's purpose of it. Right? And so that's what the approach is really all about. Okay.
We can bring the slides down. Okay. So what we wanna realize is is that A part of you is not okay with what happened in the response to what happened. And because of that, that's why you're stuck. That's, like, the core takeaway from the morning session. who follows. Does this make sense? Okay. Now when we think about how do we move forward? Remember, the most important thing we have to start with is what? What's the most important thing we have to
start with? See if you remember the morning. That's right. Safety first with feel safe first. And here's what's ironic. Okay? We have to feel safe enough to do unsafe things. not only that, we have to feel safe enough to let it be safe to be safe. Who here feels like it can be hard to let it be safe to be safe? like we're always kinda on edge. It's hard to, like, actually do that. Right? So we have to feel safe enough for it to be safe and safe
enough for it to be dangerous. because here's the thing. In the past, when things were dangerous, that could lead to trauma or injury. As we move forward, it could lead to trauma or injury, but very much less. would be the goal. Right? So we wanna make it safe enough to do unsafe things, and we also wanna make it safe enough to be safe. Now when we talk about what is plasticity, okay, plasticity as defined by William James, who's the father of modern, psychology and America,
in, like, the 1800s at Harvard. He says that plasticity basically is a word that means a structure that has a week enough structure to yield to influence, but strong enough not to yield all at once. Okay? Now who here has ever been like, I want it to go faster. I need I need a faster change. Let me see if I show a hands. Okay. Here's the thing about that. If our structures changed Mastin, you're already overwhelmed. Okay. Could you imagine with every thought or feeling you had, like, you wired a
new neural pathway? Like, it'd be just so confusing. Right? It would be so confusing. Right? So with plasticity, what it means is structures can yield over time. We can build new pathways, new habits, new thoughts, new patterns, new ideas. with enough consistency with enough consistency. Okay? But it's strong enough not to do it all at once. And that's why it takes time and training. Who follow This makes sense.
Okay. Now when we talk about how do we start to really build on the thoughts of neuroplasticity and, like, how does our nervous system work. Okay. I think the the best work to focus on is the work of Doctor Steven Porges and Polyvagal Theory. Alright. Now don't go googling Polyvagal. And, no, it's not Polyvagal. I know someone out there is thinking Polyvagal theory. No. Polyvagal, v a g a l, Polyvagal. No. Polyvagal
theory. There we go. I confused myself. Okay. And you can think of polyvagal theory as basically the science of safety and connection. So if we have to start with safety, okay, Polyvagal theory is the science of how to do that. Okay. Now don't go Google. You're with you're with beer here. Google I'm right here. Okay? Don't start googling. Okay? So when we think about what is Polyvagal theory, okay, It's a guide that helps us bring our nervous system on board to be our ally in our
growth. you can think of it as the science to make it safe enough to be safe. You can think of it as the science make it safe enough to fall in love with your life. You can think of it as the science of how to feel safe to be able to move forward And when we really get it right, the science of how to grow heal and restore. Right? And so we don't need to go Google it. Okay. The books are long. And Deb Dana is a dear friend. I know
Doctor Poor just, like, we're here. This is we're we're gonna talk about it. Okay? But what Polyvagal theory helps us understand is something very important Okay? And for all the avoidance in the room, I'm talking to you, okay, or that it's organized, especially that it's organized people. come here, go away, you know, disorganized people, how they work. Right? They're like, get out of here, and you leave, like, where are you going?
Come back. you come back and, like, get get out of here. You're too far away. Right? There's there's there's no, like, right distance. Right? That's the come here. Go away folk. Right? So for you and for the avoidance, the core understanding of Polyvagal theory is this, connection to each other, connecting with ourselves, you and me, us is a biological imperative imperative. Imperative. What does that mean? What's an imperative mean? What does that mean? An
imperative. Something is imperative. What does that mean? It is necessary, meaning without it, it's not possible. Okay? So if you want to feel safe, we need connection. Okay? I can feel the avoidance as a former and sometimes still avoidant. I feel that. Okay. I feel that. Okay. I used to like it when I was more avoiding it because the feelings weren't there as much. I just was so much better without feelings, but then the feelings get in the way. Right? But not really. It's way better now. Hate
feelings. No. I'm fine. Have you guys seen that thing on Instagram? It's like a thing where it's like, what do we do with our feelings? We put them in our muscles. And what do we do when we have bigger feelings? We make bigger muscles. So there I don't know if you've ever seen that on Instagram, but it's one of my favorite things Anyway, so I eat that address. Polyvagal theory helps us understand that we can't do it alone. And here's the thing.
This is both external and internal. okay, meaning we wanna have a sense of connection inside and externally. It's both. Okay. And when we look at the pillars of Polyvagal theory, there are 3 pillars. And I won't get into the detail details of this, but let me just help you understand. Number 1, Port just calls it neuroception, neuro nervous system,ception, perception. The your nervous system's perception of your environment, is it safe or dangerous? And guess what?
It happens on an unconscious level. What does that mean? It means your nervous system and your body below your neck is scanning your environment at all times, like, boop boop boop boop. Is it friend or foe? And all of a sudden, you don't even know it. It's, like, danger. And, like, 10 minutes later, you're just, like, yelling at someone and you don't know why. You don't even know why. Another example of this is hangry. Anyone ever been hangry before? Who knows I'm
talking about? You're hungry and angry? Come on now. Who knows I'm talking who here has ever gotten mad at a romantic partner because you were hangry and they did nothing wrong. Who's ever had that happen before? Let me see if I show You're blaming them for your low blood sugar. And in the middle of it, you're like, what's wrong? Like, oh my god. I'm just am I hungry? I'm angry. I'm angry. Hang on. and you realize. Right? Who here has ever been triggered,
but you didn't know it until you realized you were triggered? who here ever saw someone that you love, make a face that triggered you, just the face. and they didn't even know they were making it. Who knows I'm talking about? Okay. That is neuroception. We are getting triggered all the time, but we don't know we're being triggered unconscious. It's detection of threat without awareness. Right? So we wanna be really careful. Okay. If you're going life never
be triggered. You don't understand neuroscience. We will be triggered. And guess what? We won't even know it when it's happening till later. That's how it works. That's the reception for you. Okay?