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Hello. I'm a bit stuck. Hi. Is that surprising? No. Predictable. I, so I've been posting to make myself post and just get out there. But I noticed that the niche thing, because I work with corporate people and sometimes that's individuals within, I keep getting stuck and I feel like I'm talking really generically to everybody. And I'm not really sure. I've tried to nail it down, but I just feel like part of my freeze thing is I'm really not clear about who I'm talking to
and on what what issues. That makes sense. Does that answer? Who you're talking to? I don't know what's make sense to me. So let me ask a clarifying question. When you say freeze, is something that you're feeling, or is it behavioral? No. It's something I'm feeling If you're posting content okay. Okay. Let's differentiate. Posting content regularly is I missed that because you froze. How ironic. Free Sorry. Would be
oh, really? That's so interesting. Yeah. No. It's Yeah. The Internet is can you hear me okay? Because yeah. So freeze is behavioral. Freeze is behavioral. If you stop posting, that would freeze. No. Okay. Right. You feel frozen, maybe, but you're not behaving frozen. Yeah. Yeah. No. No. Like like because I'm really determined to, like, learn through doing, so I'm making myself do it. That's
right. But then it's it's on the back side of it, and then I've got to do more that I kind of I think, who am I talking to, and what am I talking about? I'm sounding like a twer. So so it's more so it's more it's more confusion. Okay. Thank you. Is that right? Yes. Okay. It is. So you have confusion And then that impacts my confidence level to keep going. Yeah. Right. So you have you have confusion, you have doubt. Yeah. And that's impacting confidence. Yeah. And then notice what you
did. You said that it's gonna impact my ability to keep going. Yeah. So so in this case, freeze is maybe what you're anticipating you're going to do. Okay. Yep. Yeah. Is that right? So so I'm almost rehearsing the wrong thing is what you're saying? I'm not just asking. I'm just asking. I'm not making it right or wrong. I'm just trying to understand what's
happening in your system. It sounds like you're posting. After you post, you have confusion, doubt, which messes with your confidence, and then you start to if you'll keep going. Yeah. And then what's happened to me, like, I I did my first video. Is that right? Yeah. I did my first video, and then a mate yeah. But a mate of mine then says, I could have told you that years ago. And I'm like, gosh. You know, like, I suppose I'm
aware. I think that's what's going on is I'm aware people that know me personally are judging and then I'm projecting onto them that they think I'm an idiot. And then and then I just reinforce the loop, if that makes sense. Yeah. All all that makes sense. What what I'm just trying to understand right now is the what you do. Okay. I'm not judging it. I Yes. So what so what I feel like bad. I'm just trying
to say this sequence. Yeah. Yeah. So what I feel that I do is, like, I really I I go for the action. I do the action, and then I wait. But just I wait for the reaction. And then I think I don't know what I'm supposed to do now. And then I judge myself and think, God, you're being really lazy. This isn't getting you anywhere. And so then that loop kind of continues, if that makes sense, because it I just Right. Yeah. Okay. So I'm going to summarize something that I'm observing. And this is not
a negative. It's just what I'm observing. What I'm observing is when you take the action of post, there are emotions after the fact that come up thoughts, feelings, physical sensations that then will stop your behavior. Yes. Is that right?
Yes. Okay. Because if we keep it super simple, right? So, okay, so if we're in the land of, like, trauma world, we're we're processing feelings and emotions or we're in law of attraction material about seeing if we're in the vortex and how our feelings are going. Right? Like, that that that's that's a world that's that's one world. I'm a place
over here. Right? Thoughts, feelings, and physical sensations. And in a way, when it comes to performance, we think of it as a so an emotional trap, which means I'm judging, assessing, appraising something being successful or not based on how I feel about it. Yes. And how I feel about it is based on how other people feel about it. Yes. All of that is felt sense. Right? So it's it's all bottom up y stuff. Right, where it's, like, emotions and stories and history and internal working model
attachment history. That's all the Yeah. That's all the reflexive rehearsed, like, this has been happening since I was born, and it got been layered on top of it forever. It's like like reflex, basically. Right? It's the reflex. You ever go to the doctor and they kick they hit your knee, and it it kinda goes like that Yeah. Right, to make sure, like, your nerves are working. Right? So so so these responses are reflexive in nature in that way. Okay? So what we know about you is that you this is
this is a sequence of what you do. Okay? So what we wanna do is not change the sequence. My suggestion to you is to change what you count as a successful outcome. Yeah. Okay? Because in the beginning of a business, when you're scaling a business and to sustain a business, all 3 sec all three sections, okay, process has to happen independent of feeling. So what does that mean? It means that my metric of success is, did I post today? Not how I feel about how I posted or if I posted
today. Yeah. That makes a lot of sense. And the same thing is true for anything ever. Right? Like, any any business process, if it's dependent look. If you wanna live a life of this is true for relationships, business. If you wanna have a roller coaster experience, live your life at the whim of your emotional states. Right? Now I'm not saying you shouldn't have emotional states that vary. Right? Because the entrepreneurial experience is a roller coaster. Relationships
are roller coasters. Emotions wanna be honored and understood. Right? But as we're building a business, your attachment history reflexes are big just doing what they would always do. And what you're appraising at success is what your mate said, if you feel clear or not, if you are certain about what to do. Right? Versus I posted today, and that means I'm successful. Period. End of story. And I'm gonna have a bunch of feelings that don't think that's true. Yeah.
Right? Because if you think about it, right, you think about your bank account. Right? Well, your bank account as a objective third party, okay, will receive money, and the balance will go up or down based on the actions that you take to run your business. And I have had many times where I didn't feel like doing something, but it had to happen anyway in business. I mean, that's all business, basically. It's also all personal training or working out of the gym.
Yeah. Right? Like, nobody really wants to do it, but we get we do it anyway. Right? And so, like, this process of take an action, waiting for a reaction, feeling confused, having judgment, have a friend or a mate say something to you, right, and feeling it's not gonna pay off, that's gonna be a predictable reflex that you're gonna just it's just gonna it's just gonna happen. That sequence of events doesn't mean you're successful. We wanna recontextualize your
success to say, did I post today? Yes. Okay. I was successful. Because that's the rep I'm getting in. Now we can get into, well, does your mate pay your bills? Does your mate and friends, do they do they buy your coaching packages? Right? Then we can start to wonder, do other people's opinions pay the bills? Right. So what's my metric of success? My metric of success is can't be what other people think. Certainly, I mean, well, certainly not. If they're non ideal
clients, it's really hard for me to care about what somebody thinks personally. I like it all. About my my bill I just it doesn't matter. Like and by the way, cuss like, you know that phrase, the customer is always right? Have you heard that phrase before? Yes. Right? Bullshit. Okay. The right customer is always right. Okay? We have people that will take a free thing from us
and be upset. I'm like, it's free. Right? And if we get, you know, a negative feedback from that or someone who doesn't even sign up for something, I I to me, it's just like it's just noise on the Internet. Does that make sense? Yes. Right? But if an ideal client is like Masten, I have a problem with this thing that you said. I'm all ears because I'm not talking to everybody. I'm certainly not talking to my family origin, and
I'm certainly not talking to my haters. Right? Yeah. I'm talking to people who want what I got. That's it. And for me, and I think for business in general, process over outcome is higher up and priority. And I promise if you continue to do I shouldn't say I promise. It's highly likely highly likely that if you continue down this path, okay, for a while, it's gonna feel like not much is happening because we need to invest in loss a little
bit. Right? We're gonna invest in, like, this isn't quite working in the beginning. Right? That happens a lot. Right? And eventually, it's gonna start to turn, and eventually, you'll start to get a lot more, evidence that as you put out effort, you'll get something back. But if that's your metric of success in the beginning, you'll never give yourself enough runway to get started. Thank you. Does that make sense?
Right. So the standard is the same standard you'd have for a shower, groceries, drinking water, all those things. Right? Just once at least at least daily. And and did I post is far more important than how do other people feel about how I posted unless they're ideal clients. Did I post is more important than what my friend or mates think for sure. Did I post is more important about feeling clear that I posted the right thing. Yeah. Okay. 1st, you wanna be
consistent, and then you wanna be consistently good. But you can't start being consistently good first. Does that make sense? Yeah. Totally. Thank you. It's really helpful. It's like being willing to feel foolish, stupid, confused, not right, not on track, like, guilty. All those emotions are the price of
entry for the freedom that you want. They just aren't who you are. They're just, like, reactions and reflexes based on history that we don't bypass, but they're also not the CEO of your business, and they're certainly not gonna be your social media director. Perfect. I hear you loud and clear. Does that make sense? Yeah. It totally makes sense. Thank you. So so yeah. So so so all the confusion by the way, by the way, just so
we're clear, I'm still confused about my niche. No worries. Just more nuanced. Yeah. It's just more nuanced. More nuanced. Well, yeah, you wanna know why? Because, like, we basically created the whole field of trauma informed coaching and, like, this nervous system the whole field of it. And now I'm like, well, how do I stand out now? Because everyone says trauma informed. Everyone says
this. Everyone says that. Right? So, like, that's the next level. Right? And then I'll figure something out, which we're close to doing, and then that will be replicated. And so it's just it's just it's all way there's all there's always like, this niche stuff, it, like and it gets faster because of online and people can replicate things faster now. But, like, I'm always doing this work. And once I finally get something that's, like, super crystal clear differentiated,
it's ripped off within 6 months or faster. Right? And other people are, like, saying, like, basically the same shit. Right? So I find a new way to do it and a new way to do it and a new way to do it. So we're always doing the niche work. Always, always, always, always, always, always, always doing it. And sometimes there's new problems that emerge that we never had answers to before. Right? So so this, like, confusion thing, it's kind of, something that we we
all get to experience on a regular basis. And because sometimes I think I'm super clear, and I post something and just crickets. And sometimes I post something that makes no sense and it crushes it. And I'm like, why don't even know? I have no idea. That's why the metric of success is that I post today and not how do I feel about it. Yeah. You know, that's that's really
it's it's really helpful to hear. And I noticed that when you say we, like, I really envy that team that you have, like, because I think, you know, and that's why I really appreciate this group because when you're on your own and you're doing it, it's hard. So, yeah, thank you. That's helpful. Beat time. Yeah. Beat time. 1, you know, you were there when I couchsurfed for 2 years and had nobody and was borrowing Wi Fi and a neighbor's
Wi Fi because I was sleeping in a pool house. Plus it didn't have Wi Fi, so I had to go out onto the street and find someone's Wi Fi. I didn't have a password on it. And then when I could, I would go to, like, Coffee Bean, which is a a kinda like Starbucks, and, like, buy a $2 coffee and sit there all day to use their Wi Fi. Like, nobody saw me in those moments. You know? I was in this little 8 by 8 room. And, you know, it's it's it's
been a grind. And the 2 step process to to go from, you know, that to where I'm now is, if you do that, you'll probably be very successful. Right? So there's just a lot more momentum because of the consistency. Right? And that's to remember Sarah talking about, but consistency is so important because emotion belongs in your creativity. It belongs in therapy. It belongs in coaching. It doesn't belong in, like, the process of business. Does that make sense? Yeah. Totally. Thank
you. And what you're gonna build is self trust. Because one of the things you talk about is trust. Right? Yeah. Trust and certainly secure functioning. Right? So here's secure functioning. Everyone here who here wants a secure functioning relationship? Right? You wanna be securely attached in a relationship. Okay. Bullshit, first of all. So hard. Right? But but I will say this. Okay? One of the hallmarks of secure function in a relationship, right, is you know what?
This one behavior, this one agreement is super important for us, especially when we're thing when it's the hardest thing to do. And success launcher do the right thing when it's the hardest thing to do too. And building self trust means you know that you can count on yourself to do the right thing when it's the hardest thing to do. Because if I'm at the whim of my emotions, how can I trust myself? Yeah. I hear you. Thank you. That makes sense? Yeah. No problem.
Yeah. Just trust me. Like we, we all this is something this is a daily it's a daily experience for anyone who's living the high stakes life of entrepreneurship. So you're doing great. Thank you very much.