Hello, everybody excited for our call today, just want to sort of start with some, as we always do some some ways of the frame, sort of your perspective how to do things as a coach and just really bring your A game. So one of the things I just want you to think about, that's really common. And you may even be noticing this in your own life and certainly in the clients lives. But Who here's ever maybe had a client or even a friend, probably or a family member where like they
have a problem. You see what their problem is? You're really clear about pretty much what the right answer is. And they're very resistant to that answer, or that suggestion, who knows I'm talking about they're just like, like, they'd rather and then you see them struggle. And then maybe you get to a point where you kind of get so frustrated, you kind of give up. At some point in the future, they finally come around to the thing you told them how long ago it was, and you're like, ah,
like, You're so happy. But you're also so frustrated. Who knows I'm talking about right. And it's almost like they figured it out on their own and maybe even forgot that you told them. Who knows. I'm talking about y'all, y'all. Who's been this for I have definitely been this person. Also, by the way, I also I've not just made the observation. But I've certainly also been the one in that position. So what that is like,
what is that about? Right? So when we think about like an adverse experience that someone's been through, we think about neglect, we think about trauma, we think about all the things that happens when we're younger, if we're self activating, stealing our preferences, setting boundaries, saying what we want, asking for support, wanting to be listened to all the things that come with, you know, sort of
healthier relating, right? We learn that certain behaviors are available or not available for safety when we're younger based on the response that we get from our early caregivers. And that gets imprinted into our nervous system which creates our internal working model, right. And then we start to associate for example, maybe not asserting ourselves or being angry with safety, if I don't get angry, if I don't assert myself, I'm safe,
right. However, to heal, there are going to be times where you might have to express some anger, to be in touch with that part and to express it so that you can heal. What that means is some of the things that we either stopped doing or think are dangerous because of the messaging we got when we were younger, are actually some of the things that are important for us to start doing at least in some level. To heal. In
osteopathic work. Osteopathic work is a type of medical doctor that kind of looks at the balance of the whole body, the bone structures and the skeleton and all those things. And osteopaths are some of my favorite doctors in the world. And within osteopathy, which is your MD and then have a bunch more training and just osteopathy and the osteopathic
approach. And within osteopathy, which is such an obscure field there's an even more obscure field, that's called osteopathic manipulation, which is not the same thing as narcissistic manipulation, just so we're clear about that. Okay, and when you hear the word manipulation, you're like, oh my god, osteopathic manipulation, is a way in which you can understand what's called the tensegrity, which is the tensional integrity
of the body. How does it go together facially, how does it go together with your muscles, your ligaments, your bones, your joints, the physics of the body, if you will, and all the different parts of it? And how can you manipulate the fascia of the tissue to help the bones go back in place because chiropractors just put your bones back in place, osteopaths know that one of the reasons why your bones are out of place sometimes is because the fascia or the muscle around it is
forcing it out of place. So you can force the the bone to go back in place potentially with an adjustment. By gosh, wouldn't it be so much better if we could just get the actual structural tissue to help the bones go back into place that forcing it back into place? And I remember one time last thing I'll say on this is that obviously working foot surgery was because I had this like foot this toe that kind of went in like this. And I was talking to I was about to get
surgery and it was so bad. And I found an osteopath, and he was like well, you could you could get a surgery that would straighten your toe, but that wouldn't solve your problem. And I was like, What are you talking about? So my my big foot where my big My Big TOE was and like this he was the reason why your big toe is going in like this is because the metatarsal which is the bone below it is actually
going out like that. So if you get a surgery that gets your toe to go out like that, it you'll just be in alignment with your metatarsal dysfunction. And I was like, Oh my God, thank you. Because every surgeon told me to operate. So what did we work on? We didn't work on straightening this part of my toe. We worked on getting this metatarsal back into place, which guess what happened? The toe got
straighter, right. And I was like, oh my god, surgery what could have gone wrong and those surgeries like all kinds of bad things can happen from those surgeries and not getting surgeries unnecessarily. But you know what your outcomes in life are really based on the perspective of your practitioner. Right? And so thank God I was getting all these different opinions at that specific time it was in 2021 and a hard time walking and like, oh my god, the pain was so intense.
But he said something to me that was really interesting as we are working on over probably like, I don't know, like 40 weeks of getting this back into alignment with a lot of like therapy and physical therapy and osteopathic work and all these things. There was a couple times where he would put my foot to a certain position and I go, You know what, that's weird. That's like, I sprained my ankle in that position, or I did something in that position, or whatever it might be. And he just kind of
looked up to me. And so nonchalantly said, Well, you know, mass, and a lot of times, the position of healing is like the same as the position of trauma. And I was like, say that again? You know, because like me, I'm thinking about it through like a different context. He's saying about physical trauma, right. And I was just like, a position of healing is the position of the trauma. Wow, that was a powerful realization. And so how does it
apply to I'm saying today? Well, the position of trauma for you may have been to be silenced in your anger. That might mean that the position of healing for you is to be expressive in your anger. Right, the position of healing might be or the position of trauma may have been to have no needs. right not to ask for what you want, not to surface it. And the position of healing might be to surface those needs, right, which is confronting the very thing that says this is not
safe. And so what happens is, over time, our dysfunctional patterns are interpreted as safe. Because they were in a way safe when we were younger. And when we start to heal, a part of us emerges, it's a healthier part that might know better, that has ideas or thoughts or feelings about what you might want to be doing differently. And that healthier part can seem dangerous. Does that make sense? Right, the healthy part says,
express your anger, finally. And the traumatize wounded part says, no, no, that's too dangerous, right. So the position of trauma in the position of healing are related. And so a lot of this inner conflict that we have can come from, not necessarily like something bad, but consider that like your inner conflict could be stemming from healthy parts emerging, and younger, wounded parts thinking that those parts aren't actually giving you good advice, because it wasn't safe
when you were younger. And just something to think about, as you think about moving forward both with yourself with your clients. And consider that sometimes the good advice that you're giving your clients that probably right, in many ways, advice, right, the correct advice, the most advice that has the most efficacy, might be advice that's contra indicated with their trauma history, right? Well, why
did you set a boundary? Okay, but maybe when I was younger, if I set a boundary, I would get whipped or I would get hurt or something like that, or you know, just speak up? Yeah, well speaking up, almost got me killed when I was going through whatever it might be, right. So just consider that if a client of yours is resisting something that is probably healthy for them, that there's maybe a really good reason. And to think if you're doing that in your life, also, why might that be?
Right? Not through a lens of shame, and not through a lens of you know, what you're doing right or wrong, but through a lens of like, Hmm, what's unsafe about the healthy things? And why would that be the case and what's happening in me, or what's happening in my client, to have the part of them that's rooted in the dysfunction or the wound in the driver's seat making the decision? Probably because the wounded part of you or the wounded part of your client is not used to someone
having its back. It's not used to having a part speak up and go, actually, this is what's great for you. It's used to neglect, it's used to being hurt, it's used to being shamed. And so a big shift starts to emerge through our ambivalence through our inner conflict, where we start to realize, Wow, the part of me is noticing my needs aren't being met in its relationship with a part of me, it's noticing that like I'm doing like a priority of the part of me is noticing X, Y, or
Z. That's a newer part. And I'm not used to that I'm not used to my needs being identified as being missed. I'm just used to them being missed Holy shit, I have a part of me emerging that's noticing that my needs aren't being met. That's new. And it's in conflict with this the wounded part that says, Stop it. You're not, you're not safe if you have needs, right, as a
generalized example. So just something to think about when it comes to your own inner conflict or ambivalence and also your clients to really think about like, who's in the driver's seat? And if the wound is in the driver's seat, is that wound used to have a a competent protector, a competent provider or a competent, smart adult, which is now a part of you?
That's emerging, having its back and can we start to introduce those parts, the wounded part to the healthy part and let the healthy parts start to drive and give your nervous system experiences that the healthy response is the safe response? Something to think about?