Henry, welcome to the podcast. So happy to have you here today, my friend. Thanks for having me, man. It's good. It's a pleasure to be here. Yeah. We have roles reversed. So, like, a week or 2 ago, I was on your podcast. Now you're on my podcast, so I get to ask the questions now, which I'm excited about. I'm super excited about. So a lot of people, who are just getting to know you, could you help us understand a little bit about what your life mission is? Because I know you're, like,
you're doing trauma informed work. You're doing retreats. You and your wife, Taryn, are doing things together. She's doing amazing work in the masculine and the feminine field with Queen Collective. But then you're also, like, you know, interviewing and friends with, like, Frank Anderson, who's a dear friend, stuff like that. So I'm just so curious because I I haven't really met another coach who's as, diversified in their offerings as we are
as you. So this guy curious what you're all about and and what your what your mission is. Yeah, man. Thank you so much. You know, it's I I just have to say, I really appreciate if, you know, if you're listening to Madison's podcast, you know you know his work Kipp you know his brilliance, but I've gotten a a blessing to to get to know Masten and just just wanna say I appreciate you and everybody listening. And it's Madison's not only deep
in wisdom, but it's super funny. We were hanging out, and I was like, Madison's really funny. You know? We we walked away and said how funny you are. So there's so much depth to you, and there is a, there's so many colors to our lives. Right? And to me, there's a level of authenticity that I have to reach to one day. You know, back when I was 17 years old, I, I was my nickname used to be passive. I was so like, I felt caged. I felt stuck. I
felt, like, really bad at distance and fear. And at the same time, I was in music. I was in a boy band. Right? And so I I I got I discovered the personal development space at the same time as I did the music industry. And as I started to grow and ask really hard questions and important questions, like, oh, can we grow? Can we shift? Can I understand what this fear thing is now? And it's like nervous system tried to keep me safe. Right? But back then, I was like, fear is the enemy.
You know? And Yeah. All these things. And and then I was on stage one day. We were in Puerto Rico, and we were opening for Raven Symone, I believe. It was like a Disney show. It was 90,000 people. And I had a mic, and I say a few things, and everyone cheers. And I was like, I could almost say a lot of things, and people would listen. I was like, this is a powerful, powerful platform, this pop
culture platform. And then so while I was doing music, I would go and try to speak at high schools with whatever I learned, and I would test it out on myself if it worked. I'd test it out on a few people. And, man, it got to the place where I was like, I knew how caged and stuck and insecure and everything that I felt. And freedom is such a big value to me, like inner wisdom. And,
and I I I was the opposite of it. Right? And I didn't understand why until we started getting into this work that that you do and that I do and understanding that because of patterns, because of protection mechanisms growing up, my my nervous system learned, hey, if you speak up, you're actually gonna lose connection and you're gonna not escape and all these things. And I
was like, how many people are operating in fear? And then honestly, I started going down the rabbit hole of fear divides families, breaks relationships. It keeps us from being successful. It keeps us from all these things. And I was like, but it's it I used to see it as the enemy, but now you're like, wait. As you say, and and I'll use your words as befriending them, is how do you understand them in a way to be free?
And going from that Henry to I'm very, very, very, very blessed to do what I do now where I get to speak on stages at these music festivals where back I was in the band, but now we're speaking to 40,000 people. We're building campaigns around all this stuff. And so on a micro level, I love, you know, the podcast and speaking and doing all these things on a macro level. The question is, how do we get this message to the world? Because there's rampant
suffering. There's a lot of people that are have so much light and so much love to give the world, but how do you love when you're in survival? It's hard. Harder to do. And it's Very hard. That's kind of, you know, my thought process and all my journey Kipp of fast forwarding to now is I do have the stuff
that I do here. And at the same time, I was just telling Mastin, like, how do we correlate and connect these big platforms and bring, you know, message on this cool thing that he had the Avengers together around the world of people that are feeling calm. And I would bet to say, Mastin, people that listen to you and follow you have this, like, sense of a calling of, like, they wanna break free. They wanna go out and do something. They know they're meant they know it's time to do something, and I
really believe it's time. It's time to release the things that aren't serving us and reframe them and put them into place and heal them. Yes. Just unleash everything that we are because the world needs your audience and our audiences to to be the light and be the loudest ones to bring more love into the world. So Amen to that. Amen to that. I mean, I
I love that so much. And I I think what I'm gonna do is I'm gonna I'm gonna I'm gonna I'm gonna challenge you a little bit, because when I asked you about what you did, the first thing you did is you is you you complimented me, which I I so appreciate. I'm I'm working on receiving myself. So thank you so much, but I'm gonna challenge you and make the rest of this podcast about you because I'm very curious about who you are. So I'm gonna see what I'm gonna see how that goes. We'll see how
you do on that. Okay? We'll see. We'll see. We'll see. I was gonna joke, like, man, thanks for thinking about it. But, like, I'm really curious about, like, Henry. Like, we'll just say it really specifically. The coach. Right? Like, you do retreats that are very impactful for people's lives. You and your wife. Well, I mean, your first date was a claim your power live or one of your first dates was Acclaim Your Power Live in 2020, which
is crazy. It's, you know, amazing to think about. But, like, I wanna understand as a coach when you're speaking to people's lives, not necessarily in the context I know that, you know, we have a shared faith throughout Christianity, not necessarily in that context, and not necessarily in the context of Mastin business, which I'll ask you about in a second. But in the context of, like, pouring to people through the lens of coaching and through
experience, what's your goal? What's your mission? Because it seems like you're doing a lot of, like, immersive work. You have these, you have a membership program that you work with people through, but, like, how do you work with people, and what's your approach? Yeah. Now if you compliment me, I'm gonna redirect you, though. But keep you on the state and narrow. You know? Because I'm, like, curious about you. You know? Yeah. Yeah. I, you know, as a coach, 1st and foremost, I wanna instill
hope in people that it's possible. Right? I know that it's it's possible because sometimes we think where we are is a life sentence, and it's not. Right? It's not a life sentence. There's absolute, like when I look at I I really genuinely look at myself back then. I said, if I could shift and I could change, I really believe anybody can. Like, I genuinely believe that because if you knew me, you'd be like, woah. Like, I had this lady, and then I'll I'll get to your question. But I had this lady
look at me. She goes, what happened? Like, what happened? I remember you sitting on the back of the bus. We were going to Jessica Simpson's birthday party on a bus. And she's like, all you you kept saying to me all she's like, well, you should go talk to him. So I was like, what are they gonna think of me? You said, what are they gonna think of me? And she said, you just sat in the corner, like, you're just kinda there. She goes, what happened?
And I as a coach, I wish I could tell that Henry that there's hope because I have hope in order for the possibility to look elsewhere. Right? And then so first, it's that. 2nd, it's a deeper understanding of how we operate from a, you know, a nervous system, a subconscious, a mindset, a heart set, an emotion set, a spiritual set, aspect, to where we could bring people back into a sense of, a real
sense of love, right? Because he's the healer. And a lot of times, I I I see Steve Young gave this really beautiful story where he said, a lot of us do this work, and, you know, each of the work each of the work that we do is a boxcar on a train. But if the front engine of love is not on, then you're not gonna move or you're barely gonna move. Right? And I think a lot of times, we think that where we are is life sentence, or we do this work. But
when something comes up, we beat ourselves up, or we push the emotions away. We don't understand emotional mastery or how to resolve past emotions or how to, you know, reprogram our our nervous system and our subconscious mind to align with the future and desires of our hearts are what we're called to do. Yes. Me, it's Kipp
like a 4 phase process for me, and it's it's funny. It's so cool and aligned, and this isn't redirecting to you, but it's it's so interesting how the work aligns even without even crossing paths, even before we knew each other. And it's just We're all working on the same nervous systems with people, whether a coach or therapist, whether it's 1000 years ago or today. Like, our nervous system is relatively identical. We could be evolved, but not that fast. You know? So we're all seeing different
manifestations of the same nervous system no matter who we are. You know? So if you're paying attention, you're gonna probably notice similar patterns. You know? But I wanna know how, like, how you notice patterns and how you work with people. Yeah. Talk about emotional mastery. You talk about making new decisions for your future and not only the past. Like, how do you like, what's your what's your approach? How do you because
it feel like you synthesize so much. Yeah. Totally. Totally. And and with all the hours you put in, I kind of pulled down a a 4 phases. 1st is I call it loving identification, loving self awareness. Right? We get really clear, like, my thing is really understanding from a loving
perspective, or as Gabor calls it, compassion and curiosity. Right? Is how do we lovingly look at and become radically honest and radically loving of where we are, what we're operating in, what are our patterns, what are our limits, what are the what are the faces of fear that show up? Because there's the same same mechanism, but different ways it shows up. 1 person might have a fear of failure. 1 person might have a person might have a
fear of success. 1 person might have both. Yes. Right? Or, you know, we have parts. Right? Part of me really wants to be successful. Part of me is really scared. I might lose love if I'm successful. Right? And so really getting clarity on where they are. Part 2, 3, and 4 are really, similar to what we do is, you know, how do you it's how do you really regulate and align and build emotional certainty now in the present moment? Right? When something
comes up, do you have your emotions, or do your emotions have you? How do you become as and I'll I'll use, you know, to Mastin audience. How do you be with your emotions and not in it, as Mastin says? Right? How do we learn to navigate what we're doing and what we're experiencing? Because everything happens now. Yes. Even though we may not know it happens now, we may not experience it Mastin now because we may have a a an activation or a reaction, which is react to act again.
Right? So first is helping people really learn how to regulate and how to navigate going from dysregulation to regulation, and eventually to certainty, to emotional power? And then the third phase is, how do you go back and resolve past emotions or past things that have happened to you? How do you resolve those past belief systems that may not be serving you anymore? And and and going through that process and understanding how do you navigate those parts? How do you integrate those
parts? How do you get to the root cause of those parts? And there's different processes you do. And lastly, it's the reprogramming. How do you literally get into Love that. Embodiment in my in my cells. This is just who I Mastin my identity, in my belief system, in my value system, in my behaviors. Right? How do I make it a a subconscious thing versus I have to really think about it? So that's the embodiment practice of what it is.
So there really is a sense of clear, loving identification, getting the map where you are, where you wanna be. Then it's present moment regulation, past resolution, and future reprogramming. I love that. I love that so much. And I'm curious, how does that show up in your life? Like, in fact, for example, like, I don't know, in business or in with Terry and your wife, like, how do you have loving identification
for your parts and how do you regulate? And certainly in a relationship, I mean, you guys have such a beautiful marriage and and you guys are have so many shared values. Like, how do you how do you do that? Yeah. Great great question. Because, see, it's one thing when you're on stage or if you're, like, speaking on Instagram or something, like, when it's, like, in the moment with your person. Yeah. You know, it's just like, okay. I know
nothing. That's how I feel sometimes. I'm just like, I I I must know nothing. You know? Because I'm just, like, gone. You know? So how do you find your way back? Like, how does that work for you, and how does that show up in your relationship? Yeah. You know? To whatever level you feel comfortable sharing, you know, you know, just discuss. Ask me whatever you are. I I I love I'm an open book unless you ask my Social Security number publicly. You know? Okay. No problem.
What's your Social Security number, Skip? I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. You know, they say pre framing is better than reframing. And so with Taryn, when we first got engaged, I said, let's talk about how we're gonna have conflict. You know, how are we gonna have conflict? What is her dysregulation pattern? What is mine? Right? Hers is she wants to Kipp step away. As as you know,
avoidance is different than processing. Yes. So she wants to go process and and where I wanna solve it right now, I'm like, let's talk about it. Let's go. Let's go. Let's fix it. You know? And that seems to be a lot of the dynamic in a lot of relationships that we work with, but I had to understand her process and my process as long as I understood she wasn't avoiding, but she was processing. But we preframed so many things, and I recognize and there was a quote, and I I mentioned this to
you on on the podcast we did together. My my buddy, Jim mentioned to me. He says, every form of communication is a cry for help or an act of love. Yes. So when Taryn's activated, she's really crying out for help. Her nervous system is saying, oh, shoot. Like, I'm I'm I don't feel safe. Right? Whether it's me reminding her something else or whether it's me turning into the lion versus defending
her from the lion as her husband. And so we've had to really get to that place where even if we find ourselves, you know, dysregulated and going apart, I have to be extremely intentional, because I had to understand, and my success rate is better because I decided in advance. Yes. I love that. No. I decided I know how I show up in it's not really
a a a guessing game. We know how we show up typically in relationships, how we show up in business, how we show up in work whenever we're regulated, whenever we're empowered, and whenever dysregulated. Right? Yes. So with Taryn, I know when I'm dysregulated, you know, winter storm comes. Right? And when
she's dysregulated, she just wants to shut off and kinda do her thing. So I realized that pre framing even with her, like, hey, babe, like, I love you, and what I'm about to say may, you know, cause a little bit of tension between us, but I I wanna frame this that I'm on the same team. I love you. So the best that I could preframe on a macro level of this is how we're gonna handle conflict, but on a micro level, I love you. This is not gonna be an easy conversation. We had
one yesterday. You know? And at the end of it, like, we sat in the car. We're going to the gym, and I said, you know, babe, like, this is what it is. I love you. I hope you can see that. And she's like, you know? And then she sat there, and then she held my hand, and she stayed quiet processing it for a while. I know she's pro she's a processor. Right? And she processed it. And then she's and I said I said, what do you need to do, Seth? Did you wanna go for a little walk, and you wanna
go to the gym and work it off of it? She said, yeah. So I went in, held her, loved her, went in. She ran, and literally, she goes in another room, works out, comes back. She goes, you gotta hear this thing. And it was like this puts her earphones on. It was like a funny thing on social media. So understanding how she operates and how I operate with so much clarity and helps me decide in advance. And and on the business side, this was a really big thing for me, actually, Mastin,
because I kept hitting a wall financially. Like, I kept hitting a wall, and I was like, I felt like I was sabotaging myself. And I I had this position, and the second in command of my gig pulls me in and goes, I used to be director of investments for this $2,000,000,000 company in LA. And he goes, dude, you should be making 2 to 3 times more than what you're making. Why aren't you asking for more? I was like, oh, no. It's all good. Then I stopped, and I was like, no. No. No. No. That's
there's something to that. Yeah. That's why you're asking. It's not you're okay serving. Right? Because you're the the more income I make, the more impact I can make. Why am I blocking somebody that's worth 1,000,000,000 of dollars not asking for, you know, something? So I went out and I did the work, and I realized, oh my gosh. Because of my upbringing, I used to have a belief that if I became successful and made money, I would lose a relationship with my sister, and I value love over money.
Yes. So because I value love over money, when I went to go make money, I would cut it off at a certain level, like the thermostat thing. Yes. 70. And, dude, Mastin and I went to my sister crying. We we had this beautiful conversation. I said, I know you love me, but this is my belief, and I wanna process through this with you. Processed it. Maybe 1, 2, 3 weeks later, I remember exactly the date, but I literally broke 6 figures, broke everything I got. And I was like,
that was freaking Wow. Nuts. I just had to feel safe making more money. Yes. Yes. Yeah. I love that. And it's also interesting how it's not the same, but there's a similar approach or pattern, with your sister as with Taryn in a way. Right? That there's, like, there's similarities there, which I really love, and you were able to sort of pre frame with her. Your sister, it seems like, a way for you to be able to to kind of go through your own, sort of financial
set point and be able to exceed it. Because it's there's a there was there was a at least a subconscious relationship potential negative if you were to break through that ceiling, but once you knew that you were safe relationally, then you could be safe financially. Is that accurate? Absolutely. Absolutely. I love that I love that so much. That's so actionable and and really pragmatic and practical. Okay. So I wanna pivot for a second. So most of our audience, my audience, is
female. Yeah. And, not everyone. We got we got, we got a bunch of different people, but we have mostly females. And in this world that we live in, there's so much, oh gosh, advice on Instagram and to talk about relationships, what should or shouldn't be done, and, you know, like, some of it is, like, super toxic and some of it's pretty good.
I'm curious, when you think about the sort of, like, strong woman who was raised to not need a man, not count on a man, not rely on a man, or any partner depending on your sexual orientation, who has this, like, very powerful successful drive to be successful, right, and can take care of herself and to be completely financially fine. How do you think a person like that can tap more into their feminine from your perspective? Yeah. Because I feel like, especially especially in
Mastin feminine dynamics, so we talked just heteronormative for a second. I think there's a difference between being hard to get or hard enough to get. Right. And I think there's also important for the man to be able to create safety. Both parties will create safety. Right. The Mastin the feminine. But like from your perspective, what do you think if you were talking to like a successful woman who is take care of herself, what would be sort of your
your because you're, you know, you're on the other side of it. Right? And you're in a dynamic with a very powerful woman who can, you know, take care of herself just fine. I'm just Kipp curious what your thoughts are, if you could speak into someone who's in that kind of mindset because there's just there's so much of it rampant these days. And they also Kipp of end up in these, like, situationships where there's, like, this in undefined thing. So I was kinda curious if you Kipp
talk about that a little bit from your perspective. Yeah. Great question. You know, a couple different points that'll tie together. 1st is, is that drive is first of all, is your core masculine or is your core feminine? Right? Are you leading from your core, or are you leading from what's secondary for you? We both y'all have both. Right? And I'm gonna give you a a a story with me that I think would help everybody. So there's
a guy named Donnie Epstein who is Oh, yeah. Yeah. Network chiropractor. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And everybody kept saying, I used to be super involved in Tony Land. And everybody kept saying, hey, dude. You gotta meet Donnie. You gotta meet Donnie. You gotta meet Donnie. Long story short, I end up in his hotel room with, like, maybe 10 other people. And I I never carried cash on me, which was really interesting. I had $600 cash. I was like, why do I have $600 cash? And Donnie gets up and goes,
you know what? I don't normally do this, but I'll do session for anybody that wants it for $600 today. I was like That's a steal. I was like, that sounds cool. So I I did it, and he puts his hands on my shoulders, and he goes and he's an energy worker. Right? And he goes, interesting. I said, what? He goes, can I ask you a question for anybody? I said, you can ask me whatever you want. He said, are you bisexual? I said, I'm not. I said, I'm not attracted to
men in that way at all, but I said, no offense to anybody. It is. It's just not my thing. I'm attracted to women. He goes, woah. You're like Tony. I said, what do you mean? He goes, you have the Mastin energy of, like, a really strong man, but the feminine energy of, like, a woman. Because your problem is you haven't integrated the 2. Mhmm. You're living in 1. The other one is feeling the resistance when you're living as parts. Right? Like,
when you're living in the other one, the other one's fighting the other one. Yes. And you you know, you're like, you're not soft enough or compassionate enough, or you're not going out and doing the work enough because, like, you haven't integrated too. I had this whole, like, vision, dude, at that moment where I realized, like, it's like the piano. Right? I wanna be able to play all the keys that need to be played at the moment they need to be played. Right?
I don't wanna be stuck to the same key over and over again. And sometimes, if you're a female that's core feminine and you're acting in your masculine most of the time, you might have blocked off a set of those keys that may pull in a different set of audience Yes. Than pull in and draw in somebody new. Right? And so remembering if you're a core feminine, you wanna attract a Mastin. A hunter doesn't go after a hunter. Right.
The second question at Alicia was, 1, have you integrated what is your core? Have you integrated your masculine and feminine within you? And then c is, are you are you operating by fear or by love? Are you fear fear based or love based in relationships? Do you want someone you can control because it's safer or or or not? And a lot of times when you're driven, it could be a way you gotta keep yourself safe. My my wife, she was in an abusive relationship. She's a partner in a
multiple, multiple, I don't know, 8, 9 figure business. She was a single mom, working, sole provider, everything. So talk about someone having to be the masculine, the mother, and the father. So when I met her That's why I'm so curious because I'm just like Yeah. I know that, and I'm not gonna say that you're saying it's and now it's out. But, like, that's why I'm like, yo, dude. Like, what's what's up with that?
Because, like, how did from your perspective, like, how'd that work? Because it seems like a like a a miracle in a beautiful way. It really was beautiful. And she was doing the work on herself to, like, heal the parts of her that were really scared to soften up and that were really scared to let somebody in and learn proper boundaries for herself to know who to let in and what proximity, right, and what proximity to let people in. And she also had realized that
masculinity is safety first. Right? And so when we were sitting in a car, it was very interesting because I believe, you know, masculinity is power under control, presence, and love. Those three things combined. If you can combine those three things, you are doing pretty darn good in the in the masculine space. Yes. And I was sitting in the car with Taryn, and she's telling me about her ex. Like, oh, you know, we pulled a gun on me, and this is
what happened. I got 2 girls, and I got this. And she's sitting there crying and blah blah blah. And I I was did, you know, present. I was listening. I was in tune of what am I supposed to say to her, and I wanna make sure she feels safe and seen and heard. And I looked at her, and I would have never said this on the first date, but I felt inspired to her. I said, hey. As long as we're together, you will never have
to worry about a thing. I got you. She went from being rigid, Mastin, to, like, fell in my arms soft, sobbing. And I had to she had to get to a place where she was conscious of, I'm gonna go out in the world, and I'm gonna kill it. But when I get home, polarity. Yes. I I trust Henry to have polarity, and I'm gonna I'm a build that trust with him. And so I had to build that trust with him and our girls who had witnessed some of
the stuff. Right? Because there was a new masculine energy, and they're little girls. And Yeah. Having them learn that. And the really interesting part is for me is I'll tell you the story. I'm I'm gonna use I'm gonna use a different word than I used to her. I don't normally cuss. Cussing is, like, not All day. Let's do it. He's like, say it. Let's say it, Henry. Let's go. But, like, we're sitting there, and would you we wanna build security in both of us. Right? I wanna
I want her to win in everything in life. I am not threatened with anything. I freaking love her, and I want her the happiest, and vice versa. Right? She wants it for me. And we wanna come from a place of security, and we we we wanna cheer each other on. And we were sitting there, and she had this meeting with a a bill multiple $1,000,000,000 company. She was
leading this meeting. She was meeting with the CEO and his board, and she had to lead him and she had to tell him what to what was going on. And I knew she had to get into her Mastin. So when she's in work mode, I don't even try. I'm just like, are you in work mode or something wrong? She's like, work mode. Cool. But if if I see her in her masculine and she's not work mode, I'm like, she doesn't feel safe. Right? That's my indicator. Got it. Love that. We're we're driving, and, we
we get to the parking lot. It was company, and she's she's getting out of the car. Do you want me to use the word? Do you want me to use the interpreter? I want you to I want you to just the one that is scary to say. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So so I look at her, and I'm like, she's getting out of the car and I knew. She's like, this is a big meeting. These are all alphas and big, you know, this is a multiple billion dollar company. I said, hey, babe. She said, yeah. I said,
I hope you have the biggest dick in the room. And and and she starts laughing, and it was like this really fun thing. And for me, I was like, just go own that. Love that. Oh my god. I love that so much. Masculine and feminine because she sees masculine, and she could get into her feminine. Yes. Before the integration, how do you dance between it with what's needed at the moment? What
keys do I need to play for the mood of this room? Because the most flex the more flexible you are, the more influence and love you could have. Yes. That's right. You could have. So the flexibility that she has allows her to be successful because she uses a tactic, for example, instead of Mastin. It's just primal nature. Right? When she's at lunch with then a Mastin core alpha male, she doesn't say, hey. I got I got lunch. It's on
me. Because they'll be like they'll it'll kinda make them cringe a little bit. She'll say, hey. I got lunch. It's on my company. Right. Yeah. That makes sense. But if it's with if it's with a core feminine, she's like, hey. I got lunch. It's on me. Don't worry about it. She's got it. So Love that. Being really aware for her is beautiful. And then me being aware of her dynamic of, if she's in her masculinity, is she that? So to the women listening, it's understanding, are there
parts of you that are scared to go into your femininity? Have you had to drive in your masculinity for so long to protect yourself, to provide for yourself? Yes. Hurt before. That's okay. It it is understandable that you are in that space, and I'll tell you my wife was in that space. And all we're doing is is resolving and adding to your goodness, adding to the greatness. You don't have to let go of your masculinity. In my opinion, there's a lot of it. It's like,
no. The feminine, the women has to be in the home and do this. Like, no. You can go kick ass out in the world. That's right. Yeah. In the home too. And you can be so feminine and playful, and you can go out and have the biggest dick in the room. I love that so much. That might be the name of this podcast. No. I'm just kidding. That's good. That'd be in. That's I mean, knowing you, man, like, you're so reserved. Like, I have a couple friends who
are kinda like they're they're always like, this freaking person. They always did the frick or the frack or the whatever. They're always kinda like, you know, gosh darn it. You know? But, like, so to hear you say that, it's like a little it's a it broke my pattern, because, you know Well, the pattern of Internet for her that is really bizarre beautiful. So,
you didn't say this, but I'm just curious. Would it be safe to say that you guys are both sort of, like, very curious and, I guess, like, to have Sherlock Holmes for each other, like, trying to figure each other out. Does that make sense? Like, how does the emotional labor get divided between you guys? You know, I think the the beautiful part about it is that there's there is an awareness. Right? Sometimes I come come home and Taryn calls it allowing myself to take my armor off. Right?
I've been out in the world and just fighting and fighting and fighting alliance and trying to do so much good. And I come home sometimes, and she sees the glaze over my eyes, and she sees that I need a minute. And she'll she'll kinda let me do my thing, or I'll see that in her. So I think first and foremost, it is a Sherlock Holmes awareness of where's your temperature? Like Yeah. But it's mutual. Is that
is it do you feel like it's like you guys both share emotional labor? Because I think sometimes there's usually, like, the caretaker and then the person who gets taken care of in relationships. So how do you guys navigate that? Yeah. You know? There's some days that I need to be more of that, and some days she needs to be more of that, to be honest. And, you know, Taryn's been in a in a big transitionatory season. Is that a
word? Transition? Yeah. Yeah. Transitionary. Yeah. But yeah. Yeah. Well, the scenario yeah. The season. Yeah. We're both neurodivergent, dyslexic, probably. So Yeah. There you go. Yeah. And I know I am. Yeah. Yeah. ADHD, just, you know, same words backwards all the time. They can put it they put it confidently, and it becomes a new thing. Right? That's funny. Yeah. It's so, like, you know, she she went through a little season, and I knew, oh, man. My wife is in a
season, and she's processing a lot of things. So I really wanna be hyper intentional. And I important. So really a a loving understanding, man. It's it's a it's a as important. So really a a loving understanding, man. It's it's a sometimes I might need to tell her, hey, babe. Like, I know you're you're struggling with this, and and and I'm kinda need to process something too.
But but, really, like, there it is equal in the sense of, like, not we try to be moment to moment equal, but there are some moments where, man, she's in a a really tough tough season or I'm in a tough season. You know? Totally. But it sounds like you guys both value being each other's Sherlock, basically, is what it sounds like. And then depending on the season that you're in, there might be
I mean, it's never 5050 in the moment. I hope it's 5050 over time. You know, I think Brene Brown talks about how it's never 5050, but I think she means in the moment because over the course of a relationship, I hope it's 5050. Yeah. 100%. It could be 90, 10, 10, 90, but the average, there should be that sort of equality. That's that's at least my perspective. Is that kind of what you're saying? 100% agree. I love that. How do you how do you think if someone because you talked
about conflict earlier, right? One of the things I've been thinking about is I have a buddy of mine and he's submitted Everest like 6 or 7 times. He's a videographer. So, like, most of the most of the most of the video on Everest, is him. He's somebody k 2 twice, which is, like, slightly shorter than Everest, the 2nd tallest mountain, but, like, way more lethal. Like, this is, like, very dangerous things to do. Right? And he loves it. Like, he loves it so much.
Right? But then, like, in, like, life, the idea of conflict for him is, like, difficult. Right? And I'm like, why is it easier for somebody to sub it, not Everest multiple times in k 2 than be, like, assertive in a relationship or something like that? Like, because, like, the physical feat of something is, like, really hard. That's, like, really, really hard to do. And then I have we both of us have friends who are, like,
super in the fitness space. I got people that would, like they'll, like, jog 20 miles, but they can't set boundaries or something like that. You know? But the only way they set boundaries is with jogging or something like that. And what I kinda put together is that there's, like, hard stuff that's, like, physically hard, but there's no negative relationship payoff. But, like, setting a boundary or speaking up or being assertive or stepping into conflict could have a at least a historical
negative relationship payoff. Right? So when you think about, like, conflict, the idea of conflict, someone has a trauma history of any kind, that feels like maybe abuse even though we know it's not. But so how do you have healthy conflict and help somebody come out of conflict avoidance? Because I'm I think I'm more processed like you. I'm like, let's just go. Like, I'm just like, I'm like, conflict. Let's get into it. You know? Now if you want me to do Everest, I'll be like, maybe I'll treat
that like the relationship where everyone's putting off the hard conversation. I'll put off, like, the hard expedition. But the hard conversation, I wanna do it right here, right now. Tell me now. Let's go. You know? So I'm just kinda curious how y'all navigate that and how you think about it. You know, for myself, I don't know if I said this very often, but for myself, it's funny. I feel like I created a trigger to my trigger, which means What does that mean? A ping
pong. Right? So as soon as I get activated, I've anchored a different activation to the activation. Okay. Yep. Like, it's almost like a ripple effect. It's a domino. So when I get activated, I do my best. I can't say I get it perfectly right. I do my best. When I'm activated, it's like boom boom. It It it puts me in a space of be aware, be present, what's going on here, versus, like, getting caught up in the mind and reacting. Right? Because
the etymology is react, to to act again, to act out the past. Like, I don't wanna act out the past again because in a in a relationship, right, I call it the severe cycle. 1 person is activated. They might get avoided. The next person is like, oh my gosh. You're leaving me. Now I get a little bit more like this, and now this person feels more further apart. This person it's like this pyramid that we just get further and further apart the more we get activated. Yes. Because the activation
activates you. Your activation activates me. And, of course, we're always looking for cues of safety or danger. Right? So if I feel like you're not safe, I'm gonna back off, and if I feel like, you know So one of 3 things usually happens in the in a in a masculine feminine relationship. A, the masculine gets more aggressive or more in their fear based let's fix this which is not safe which is, you know, pulls them away or they get avoidant, both of which are masculinity, by the way, because
it's not safe. Or if they're in their core masculine, they stay there, they're able to hold space and be present, or they're gonna wanna leave because it's a it's over time, it's a lack of a polarized relationship. Yes. For me, I realized I don't wanna get caught in the fear cycle. Someone has to break it. And if it's not Taryn, it's gotta be me. If it's not me, it's gotta be Taryn. We just came to an
agreement. Right? Where, and so when I get activated, I've I've kind of honestly visualized, embodied the reprogram myself to where it's a domino effect. When I'm activated, it's it's an opportunity for me to be aware, to understand what part's coming up. Mhmm. I don't deal with the part right now to actually, it's an opportunity to heal because every trigger shows me where I'm not free. Mhmm. I love that. Oh, I
love that. Yeah. Love that. Activation shows me where the boundary of my my expansion is, and I'm like, no. This is an opportunity because when the water boils, the stuff on the bottom. That's my opportunity to take it and do what I need to do with it and either put it back in or replace it with something that's supposed to be in that soup. Yes. Right? So I I I feel like I've and for myself, I've learned to and starting to even more condition myself. When I'm activated, it activates
me to, like, pause. It's it's the sacred pause. Mhmm. Right? It's the sacred pause where I'm like pause. Okay. Don't react because your reaction is gonna come from a fear based place. And most likely, my inner child's gonna be fighting with her inner child, and
that usually doesn't work out too well. Yep. And so I it's just one of those things where that that understanding for me is, a, this is not only an opportunity to heal my parts and resolve my parts and resolve the things from my past because it's re it's a reaction. Yes. It's also an opportunity to evolve and become even more present and become more and and and
so it's a constant process of evolution for me. But that that sacred pause, that activation to the activation for me allows me to say, every time I'm activated, I've decided in advance this is what I'm doing, and this is what I gotta do. And I honor my emotions. I'm not overriding my emotions. I'm honoring them. I'm just not letting them drive. Yes. Exactly. I'm having my emotions. They don't have me. Yes. Exactly. I love the
idea. Tim, it's kind of what we're talking about at the beginning, this idea of kind of pre framing in a way. So you're deciding ahead of time, which also means you have to have a certain level of awareness of what's probably going to happen. Otherwise, you can't decide ahead of time. Right. But I think if any what I mean, I feel like most people listening are like, yes, I know the 5 or 10 ways that I tend to be an asshole or a jerk or whatever,
you know? So it's like like, we we all know that. And usually, we're worse to ourselves and other people also in our own heads. What's your self talk in the sacred pause? Man, my self talk is is it's it's a combination of, I would say, probably 3 things. It's funny. It's almost like the Mastin, present, future thing we talk about is that I honor the the the the part that's feeling it. I honored it. I'm like, hey, dude. I I get it. I get it. I'm here. I got you. I almost I have to unblend as
they say. Right? Like, I have to unblend myself and let my spirit self, my capital self, my higher self, whatever you wanna call it in whatever format is almost turn on the light and say, hey. Like, it's okay. I understand you're feeling like this. It's it's also, getting really intentional with what's going on. Oh, hey. Got balloons. Getting really intentional if you're listening.
That's an important moment right there. Be intentional. So You're listening to the podcast balloons just showed up on my screen because I've listened number number 2. It's it's really, honoring the emotion and remembering the outcome that I want. Yes. My outcome is always love and expansion and freedom. My outcome is always that direction. So I recognize that if I'm reactionary, I don't wanna be a slave to my emotions. I don't wanna be a
puppet to the external world. Freedom is such a big value for me, and I realize that every time I'm activated, I don't honor myself in that way, and I don't honor the room. As we said earlier, the more flexible person in the room is the most influential, and I wanna influence them in a positive way. So if I'm a one trick pony of every time I'm activated, I'm this, guess what, Henry? Whenever you're triggered and you react in
that trigger, someone else is controlling you. Yes. Right? And so I've kind of, like, convinced myself in the sense because freedom is a big value for me that I want freedom. And I want freedom to love in the best way possible. It doesn't mean I don't have boundaries. So in that process, my self talk is a deep understanding, a compassion. I I have to regulate and then relate and reason. Right? As you we say Bruce Perry and and all the stuff that you've taught and and we've shared is,
is I really do that process with myself. You know? It's like and sometimes I'm like, I'm I've reached a threshold, and I know this is not gonna happen right now. So I say, Henry, like, let's go for let's let's separate ourselves for a moment because I it's it takes practice, to be honest with you. But I want my I I f on IFS outline in their on their, their website, it says something along the lines of, like, when your parts know that they could trust you, they become information,
and don't try to run take run the show. Amen. And so my thing is I want all of my all the things to happen in my parts, all the the processes inside of me to trust the the the the this this loving leader, Henry, the powerful presence. And I want them to provide information for me. I don't want them to run the show. They don't need to drive. I got you. Like, I'm here. Like,
we're here today. I got you. I'm here. I've worked through a lot of this stuff, and I we're gonna work through this, but I and I I wanna understand what they need and I, whatever that is. But I I it's another opportunity for me to build trust with that relationship. And for everybody listening, like, you can't beat yourself up into healing. Right? You can't hate yourself into loving yourself, all those fun, catchy phrases. But it's true
because I had to rebuild that relationship with myself. And how do you build a relationship? Masuda and I have become, you know, recent friends and we're growing as friends. How do you build a relationship? You communicate with love. You you see that a person's needs and wants and you get to go and and help provide that for them and love them in that way. You discover, you spend quality time together. Right? I spend quality time with myself.
I listen to the needs of my parts. Right? I'll I'll make myself present and understanding what it needs. So it's really like, how do you build a relationship with somebody else? Yes. Determine how you could build that relationship with yourself and your parts so they can learn to trust you. And the more that Mastin and I have built this, there's a there's more of a trust. There's more of a trust. And next year, there'll be more of a trust if
it continues this way. You know? And so I agree. That's good to have these relationships, not only with other people, but relationships with ourselves and all of our parts so they know, oh, you were there for all these other parts, and I was watching. Yes. I know you got me because you got That's right. What I love about that too is what you just articulated is, like, way more articulate than even I've said it. I try to be sorry. I say that because I
try to be so articulate in how I say things. I really think about it. But what you just described, this process, like, one of the things that I say is, like, you'll when you trust yourself, you'll know who to trust. Right? If you don't trust yourself, then you can't really trust anybody, including yourself. Right? So but, like, that's that what you just outlined is an even more articulate and very practical approach to what does it mean to trust yourself, what you
just said. Because we know that the nervous system is show, not tell. So the only way that you can get your parts to trust you is if you're actually demonstrating it and not just listening, but also there's some type of behavior change that's happening so they can have a corrective experience. And you Kipp of stack those experiences over time is what it sounds like. But you're also thinking a lot of responsibility, to be able to say, hey,
like, yes, I probably do coaching. Yes. I probably do therapy. Yes. I have these help the support system. But, like, I'm also going to co regulate, but I'm also gonna take some time to self regulate to build that relationship because there is no external relationship that will ultimately make up for the lack of your internal relationship. You know what I mean? Like, you'll create a dependency on a practitioner or a person which we are dependent, but there's levels
of dependency. This is like how you show up as an adult versus a child in a relationship is basically what you just said, which I just I'd like it's so good. Like, I'm gonna go back and listen to this and probably just like a framework in there somewhere, you know, because it's just I love that question. I wasn't expecting it to be so like, just badass, dude. That was just, like, really badass process. Like, do you did you is that, like, a conscious process, or did you just kinda share that now?
Or, like I I think I, you know, I I realized at one point my the relationship with myself was not good. You know? I'm in a that there wasn't a lot of that self love as we wanna call it. Like, there wasn't a lot of self love. There wasn't a lot of I was you know, it's interesting, Mastin I was writing my book and, one of my books that I'm still working on. And, I I I put my laptop down, and I to me, it was God. I felt prompted. I felt
inspired, whatever you wanna call it, to get up and write something. And I got up, and and this phrase came to me. And it says, your weaknesses are your strengths with fear attached to them. Love that. Okay. And I started processing that. And I was like, okay. So my father was a very passionate man. When my father was angry, which is a form of fear, right, protection, his his strength was his passion became his downfall, became his weakness, throwing things across the
room. The passion that I have is also for my father allows me to stand on stage in front of 45,000 people and just rip it. Yes. And as I go, I have to make sure that stays as a strength and not as a weakness because if fear comes into that, that passion could be like a an a fire hose that just go and just hurts me. Totally. Or someone for example, you know, a high ambition. Right? For me, I had this high ambition. I have
very, very high ambitions. But when you attach fear of if I don't do this, I'm not good enough, or if I fail, I'm not good enough, it becomes perfection. Yes. Or it becomes really hard on myself. I'm scared of failing. I'm scared of taking action. So I realized my ambition wasn't bad. It was the fear attached to it. When I could re resolve that fear, that ambition stays a strength, and it's driving me to do more good in the world. I love that. People that feel really big. Right? Like, I'm
a big feeler. The pendulum swings not a negative a 100, positive 100. Swings negative a 1000, positive a 1000. They're like Yeah. Oh my gosh. I'm just all over the place. Like, no. That's a beautiful strength. But when there's a fear, when an anxiety shows up, you feel it so deeply, but you also have the capacity to love so deeply, which is the greatest force on earth, which means you're one of the most powerful forces on this earth. I love that. I love that so much. In my sense,
understanding myself, I was like, wow, Henry. Like, there is a voice in my head that is really hard on myself and that was riddled by this fear in this conversation. And the first time I really understood the the unblending process was interesting because, Eckhart Tolle or Tole. I don't know. I never really understood that. Eckhart Tolle. Yeah. Eckhart Tollle was saying how he was hearing his thoughts, and he recognized that he was not his thoughts. So
he's like, are there 2 of us? And I remember the dog look at when I was back in my boy band, we we had performed at the Santa Monica Civic Center with, like, Melissa Etheridge and Crosby, Cecil, and Nash. I didn't know who they were really. I knew them, but not really. But they gave us this gift bag with the power of now in it, and I was reading it. I was like, that's interesting. Like, I am not my
thoughts. So what does that mean? And so the process of really hearing how I was thinking became a process of, like, I don't know that I like the dialogue. If I'm gonna live with this guy for the rest of my life, then I I think I wanna change my relationship with this guy. You know? Yes. And and then I started realizing, like, the relationship, how and and, honestly, I was I let people in, but let people in just enough in my past. Like, people felt close to me, but I
never really let people in. You know? And I realized, am I doing that to myself too? Maybe that's a pattern. Like, how do I build relationship with people? And that process started going, and that was the beginning of this, like, mold Interesting. Process of how to build it within myself and other people, to be honest. I love that. And I bet that by doing it with you too, it, like, deburdens
other people, makes them feel safer around you and stuff like that. And then also, like, you didn't say this, but I feel this from you because I've seen it. You're somebody who leads by example versus not leading by example, but asking somebody else to go first. Do you know what I mean? Like, that's always a really frustrating thing when someone's like, well, could you just x, y, and z? And and and then it's coming from somebody where you're like, but you're not
x, y, and zing. And I know I have defiant parts of me that's like, wait. If you go first, then I'm like, I'll join them. But, like, don't make me go first because you feel uncomfortable. You know what I mean? And so I think you're you didn't say this, but it kinda seems like you're just like, I'll go first, basically. It's kinda what you're saying. Yeah. Thanks. You're in that place. Is that accurate? Yeah. I appreciate that. I do my best to do that, man,
because it's it's it's outcome driven. Right? Like Yes. What's the outcome I want with my wife? What's the outcome I want with my business? Right? Like, the outcome is I wanna have a loving, unified relationship with her. So if that's the relationship I want with my wife, then the process, what's the process gonna get me there? I'll go first. Let's just get it to the outcome because I know when we're both in a good place, we all win. Everybody wins. Yes.
It's not even just about me winning. It's like, what's the outcome I want? I want love love to be the outcome. I want freedom to be the outcome. I want presence to be the outcome. I want I want to just be a light. That's my outcome. So if that's that's my value, then the rest of it doesn't really matter because at least I can go to bed knowing that, like, dude, I did my part, and
that's all I could do. And what got me what really, honestly, messes got me through being able to do that a lot, and it really anchored in when my mom had cancer, was God grant me the serenity, the peace, the serenity prayer to accept the things that I cannot change, the courage to change the things that I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. I can't control other people. You know? But I can just work with Henry. That's all I can do. And
so please help me discern between that. Like, that's on them. I'm gonna maybe love them from a distance. I have no problem setting boundaries anymore, and and I could do that. But it's like, I'm gonna do my part. And I'm gonna go to bed at night knowing I do my part. Do I get it a 100% right? No. Not at all. But I really honestly do my best because it's about the outcome, not the not the things. Like, what do you want? I love that. And what and it's purpose driven
too. There's a purpose to it. You know? And I think it's even more I think it's I could be wrong, but I think it's I think it's might be even more purpose driven than just specifically outcome driven. Like, it doesn't what you're saying doesn't seem performative to me. It seems like it's very meaningful and and and and it's, it's more than a it's more than a goal. It's like everything you talked about, the freedom that you want, the openness that you
want, the love that you want, to me, that feels very, like like, purposeful. Yeah. Absolutely. A 100 people. Like, with a with a good reason also. So there's a reason for the outcome too. Is that right? A 1000000%. You nailed it. Yeah. I love that. When you when you hit that outcome, what does it feel like? It's the best, man. It's like, that's that's it. And and, honestly, it's healing. It's healing to everybody involved, including myself.
Right? Because if I can step away from being caught in the the storm of the fears that the fear based living that's happening in the world, dude, I Madison, this is like this'll kinda lock in the story to your question. I was driving down the street. You know, I I I was I'm from LA originally. Spent time between Utah and Nevada, and then sometimes LA. And I was driving down the street in, in in Utah on Center Street, and this guy's driving, and I could see his face is, like, scrunched
up, dysregulated. And he's cutting everybody off. I was like, he must be from California. Right? Specifically, Los Angeles area. Exactly. Driving just very and, you know, my fuse has gotten pretty long, but there's a few things that's like, my fuse is pretty short. Yes. Women hurting women vulnerable. No fuse. No fuse. Yeah. Yeah. Like, it's just like this old lady was driving, and he cuts her off. And you see you could see her, like, just panic and, like, Super Saiyan,
like, hit the gas. I'm going after this guy. I don't know what I'm gonna do, but, like, all things shut off. It was just like, you're done, bro. Right? And I'm driving, and all of a sudden, I I you know, gratefully, I was able to hear this. I heard in my heart and my soul, Henry, slow down. And then I heard, if you can't maintain your own energy in a in a world that's riddled by fear, you're gonna be caught up in everybody else's
energy and everything. Love that. And I realized that I wanna live a life that's, you know, free in that space. And when I'm free and when it's hard for me to be free, but I'm aware of it, not only do I give myself that new experience, but I give other people a new experience. Not only do I allow myself to heal more, but I give other people the opportunity
to heal more. And I don't get caught up in the world energy because we live in a world, honestly, where there's most people are a little driven by fear, man. And and it's normal. It's our natural you know? It's how we're we we process so much. Big time. Well, there's so many keys of danger out there. You know? And so that makes a lot of sense. I love that you
caught yourself. I was imagining you, like, in, like, like, a like a Super Troopers type movie where you, like, all of a sudden you're just like like a sheriff or, like, a highway patrol. Just, like, turn this on. I'm going after this person. I'm like, you're real quiet. Wait a minute. I'm not a cop. I'm not a cop. You know? Like, I I love that so very much. Well, Henry, I could talk to you forever. I think we should probably do another one. I would love to do that because
I have so many more questions to ask you. But I'm aware of time for today. Where can people find you? I just I I please, like, follow him. Go to his email list. Do his events. Do his like, just do all of it that's coming up. Like, where can we find you on Instagram and website and TikTok and all the things? Thank you. I appreciate that. Yeah. It's athenryamar, h e n r y a, double m, a r, on Instagram. My the podcast is Kipp it happen with Henry Amar. Mastin crushed it on that.
And, yeah, just you could find me on that. Any of the social platforms, Henry Amar, but grateful. Thank you for listening this far if you've heard in. I I'm really grateful to know you, man, and grateful Same. Same. And thank you for, that was actually the first time you made it about me since the beginning, which is awesome. So I appreciate you letting me make it about you a
little bit. You know? Like, that was, I feel like, I feel very accomplished, and we even got you to say a couple cuss words, which is like well, the same cut it's only it's Kipp there's, like, one cuss word a few times. You know? Yeah. Yeah. It reminded me of I was I was I was at a I'd love this number once. I'm like, do you guys mind if I say one cuss word? They're like, yes. But I said the f bomb 5 times in a row, and they were like, that was 5. I know it's just one word. Just
type that. You know? So, you know, take it how you want. But, yeah, you said one cuss word a few times or 4 cuss words. I'm not sure. You know? So, but I love that so much. And, brother, love you. Thank you for being here You bet. Appreciate you.