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Hello, everybody. Good to see you. Good to see everyone. Excited for today. Let's jump right in. Hello. Hey, how's it going? Good. How about you? Good. So I have been making my way through the material, and I filled out the form earlier. And I guess it was asking me where I'm stuck. And I don't know if you remember, but previously we had talked about like how I have a small business that I'm trying to either sell or transition to a partner to have my partner takeover.
And I guess I find myself going through a lot of like insecurity and sort of procrastinating. And I realized I have like an avoidant attachment style with my business and that I'm sort of avoiding getting rid of it completely. I mean, it's been like a gradual progress quarter by quarter. - That's more disorganized than avoidant. 'Cause disorganized is like, come here, go away. If you were fully avoidant, you'd be like, peace, later. You'd be like, you'd be out, right?
- Right, it wouldn't really function if I did that. So that's like where I'm sort of stuck. And I guess like, so I recently, thanks to the other coach that I had in this program, she encouraged me to set boundaries in that business where we had like a wait list for clients. And now on every Thursday and Friday for like the next two months, I just put I'm totally unavailable for my work business.
So it's been important for me to put up those boundaries so that I can more rigidly transition to like the business mentoring coaching I wanna do. I guess I'm just sort of finding myself feeling really insecure and triggered around imposter syndrome, thinking I'm not good enough, thinking that I'm afraid to present myself online. I have a lot of just being bullied as a kid or whatever, or my whole life, I'm very avoidant with relationships in general,
it's like, I'll just do it myself. But with that, I tend to build things behind the scenes. I don't like attention. I don't like being the center of attention. It makes me really anxious. So I guess like, I'm sort of stuck in between, I want to leave this old business. And I am gradually doing that. But now I'm like, scared to present myself online in like a new light. If that makes sense. Yeah. And I'm also having issues like narrowing down, um, like my narrowing down my purpose and
what I want to coach on, I guess, which is a whole other thing. But previously I thought I would incorporate spirituality and things like that. Um, but then with the recent breakup with the scientist, he helped me realize that I want to be very scientific with my coaching. I want to use polyvagal theory and I want to use parts therapy and I want to use things like that to help people, but I'm just afraid of not feeling good enough, I guess, and feeling like I can't. I'm not good
enough and afraid to show my face, I guess. Yeah. So I think, tell me if I'm wrong. Everything that we've taught and shared about how the nervous system works would suggest that what's happening is exactly what should be happening based on going to a new level. I'm wondering if you're thinking that it should be different in terms of how you feel.
I guess I should, yeah, I think so. I mean, when I started this first business, which is like an all natural house cleaning service where we make all the products from scratch, we do community cleanups and DIY workshops, this thing sort of set my soul on fire when I started. That really propelled me to be totally self-reliant, which the business in and of itself was a trauma response. Because I was like- - But hold on a second. Let's slow down for a second. So let's just go very slow.
- Okay. - You're going to the next level in your life. - Yeah. - Yes. You're making a lot of changes. - Yeah. - You're stepping into things that you've never had before. - Yeah. - There's a lack of certainty if it will work. - Yeah. - How do you think your nervous system should respond in that scenario? >> Fear and freeze. >> That's right. That's normal. That's appropriate. If you wasn't responding that way, it would be a mismatch to your situation.
Now what we want to work on isn't the fact that your system is responding that way because that's like saying the sun's coming up in the morning, or it's going to go down at night. It's really when your system is in that space, what do we do? Our work is to improve your relationship to that response. the next level, level 8 to level 9, level 10. Some of you are like, "That shit, man. I'm on level 458."
Alright, great. Well, level 459 is harder, right? Whatever it is. And you want to make a quantum leap from level 459 to 1000? The amount of growth that you want to experience in your life will produce the uncertainty in your nervous system. That's what we sign up for. I want to just highlight that what you're in is normal.
I want to understand if you are in it, and whether you're feeling or if you're with it, and if you're aware that you're going into uncertainty, creating outcomes you've never created before, and that you're releasing relationships that used to be safe and no longer work, like can you see that uncertainty that you're creating? - For sure, yeah.
- So when you get into the response that you're into, when this type of uncertainty happens, what do you think would be the best way to be with that response versus in it? And what action would you take anyway? - I guess just being aware of it is a way to detach from it rather than being absorbed by it.
And maybe realizing that it's parts of me that are afraid and that I can sort of soothe those parts so that they will stop telling me that I can't do it or that I'm not good enough or like, oh, there's a part of me that's like, don't even bother trying because you'll just embarrass yourself or something. You know what I mean? You'll just make a fool of yourself. - So I'm gonna push back again. Our goal is not to get our parts to stop.
That's not our goal. Our goal is to be curious about them and to have them be understood. Then to move forward in a new direction. But if we want our parts to stop, we're basically letting them know that they're not welcome. I'm going to have to come up with a name for this at some point because I've been noticing it so much this year, where people are doing the trauma parts work,
thinking that now they're going to go away or something. I don't know what that's called yet, I need to find a name for it, I have to call that something, but it's something. And our messaging is not "let's make your depression, sadness, insecurity, overwhelm go away, because those are all parts of you. Our message is
let's turn towards them and get to know them. Let's understand them. Let's say, "Oh yeah, like there was a time in my life where this happened and that actually did happen, where things didn't work." "Okay, if I were you, I would feel that way." That's the state that we want to be in. Then we can start to take action to bring them with us because they might protest, but then they're not in the driver's seat. See, it's not that the parts disappear or stop,
but they get out of the driver's seat. I was listening to a song that's like, got to be at least 20 years old at this point, that I think has the perfect lyrics for this. It's a song by Incubus called Drive. It's about letting fear drive and take the wheel and steer and all this shit. I was like, "Dude, Brandon was on some next level shit when he wrote that in the '90s." Like, holy shit. But it's not that they go away. It's just that they don't decide. Does that make sense?
Yeah, it makes sense. I guess there's just some, I hear you, that's totally true. I guess there's just some shame coming up too and kicking myself. Because months ago when we spoke, were like, "Start your coaching now and do it now." And it's been like six months and I feel like I haven't done anything. So then it's also like- Feeling like you haven't done anything doesn't mean you haven't done anything. It's a fact that you have a feeling, but the what you're feeling may not be a fact. Right.
So is it true that you haven't done anything? No, I've done this program. I've slowly transitioned to my employee to partner quarter by quarter, giving them more responsibilities. Things don't happen overnight. Yeah. And so you're actually being a good caretaker. And I'm being careful, I think. Yeah. That's called being responsible. Yeah. Because ideally, yeah, I could sell my other business or I could use this year to set it up
where it makes me money for the rest of my life? Well, it depends. It depends on the outcome. If I won the lottery, I would take the lump sum payment 100%. I would take it. Cash burden of hand is always for me better. It also depends on how much could it pay you now versus your whole life? Do you know the answer to that? Yeah, I do. Do you want to know? Yeah, you can either tell me the actual numbers or you just tell me multiples. I'm sure you're comfortable.
It would probably be worth like 200 to a quarter million dollars if I sold it. But if I kept it, I'd probably make like 50 to 70K a year letting it run on its own. I'm going to just think about physics for a second. Okay. So do you know what entropy is? Yeah, the idea that things want to be disorder and chaos. Sure, yeah. Over enough time, basically everything slows down and it becomes more disorganized and stops. Because of entropy,
at some point everything in the universe will stop. Now, maybe we don't know because a lot of the laws of physics assume a closed system. So is our universe a closed system or not? That's a different question, but in general things tend towards disorder. Like nobody has a house that just gets tidier over time by itself. It's not like you put a pot of water over a flame and the water gets
colder. That would be enthalpy, which is the opposite of entropy. And so if you just think Think about the nature of reality and the reality of entropy. And by the way, entropy is not your friend. The longer time goes, more entropy will win over time. So the idea that you think it's going to be the same as it is now in one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, 10, 11 years, maybe entropy says probably not, unless there's a strong entrepreneur there.
And also, usually people start to get resentful if someone's been gone long enough and they're getting a significant percentage of revenue. Like, why am I working so hard to pay you? - 'Cause it's my child. - Right now it is, but if someone else is gonna take it over and you're not gonna be involved, that emotional dynamics start to shift and change real quick. - Oh yeah, I've had that happen before people tried to steal my clients and start their own thing. It's very prevalent.
So I'm not saying that you should do anything, but if I were you, I would take the 250 and be grateful and say, "Enjoy." Because bird in the hand is worth more than whatever's in the bush. And the law of entropy is not good over time, and people change their minds all the time. So I think if you were running the business, it might pay you $50,000 a year for the rest of your life. But somebody else doing that, if the market cap on the business is like a quarter million
dollars, that's what, like 20, 15, 25%, something like that of the entire business. That's a lot to pay someone who's not there forever. Yeah. I guess my fear of selling it though is that, what if my new business doesn't work out? What if I can't show up? Then I have to, I don't know, there's just a lot of that. The idea of selling it is way easier for me, but it also creates so much more anxiety of a fear of failure and creates so many more parts and patterns telling me
to play it safe and stay where you are. Well, here's what I'll tell you, okay? Because business is different than other areas of life, okay? The price you pay for certainty is a low income. Entrepreneurs get rewarded or punished for the risk they take. If you want certainty, you will not be paid much at all. And you'll be bored shitless, right? And there's two ways to make money, is to increase sales and decrease costs.
Right? So, I think that it's really about being very honest with yourself about how much risk you're willing to assume. And if you really want to be an entrepreneur or if
you want to be an employee, I am unemployable. So, like, for me, it's like, yo, give me like, give me the cash, let me like figure out what's the baseline of the things I need to create and maintain momentum, and then let me grow something, let me make sure I have support, like all the things, and then let me grow and grow this thing and use the sympathetic affect that's happening as fuel, right? Stress is free energy, just so we're clear, okay?
It's like cold fusion, sort of, not really, but sort of. It's free energy. People are like, "I'm so stressed." It's like, "You have energy. Let's use it." Handle it into something. Yeah, for sure. Right? But my spidey senses, partnerships and other people, when you hand something off to somebody else, and then you're going to get a royalty on their hard work and you're not involved, resentment builds up, especially if it's that high a payment over time.
- Right. I mean, I was thinking to do the marketing and pay the taxes and do... Which is like literally an hour a month for all of those things. But you're right. I hear you. I mean, even without a partner, there's still resentment. - Yeah. So I think, and I don't know what your expenses are, but quarter million dollars taxes on that, depends on how you transfer it. There can be ways to reduce. That's a great startup fund for your next thing too.
Right. Where I could just even take a year off and sit on it and use that time to take a bunch of classes and- Now you're talking. Get certified as a polyvagal certificate or something. So yeah. I personally believe that that's a cleaner outcome. Because it's like there's no thread attached anymore. The thread is cut. And there's a freshness. And the thing is that the other thing I've been really focused on as I'm looking at trauma and coaching and how to
how to put those together, right? It's like part of going to the next level is we have to release the past, we have to be present, but we also have to end things. And I think that when there's trauma and abandonment wounding, I think we are more susceptible to holding on to things longer than they should. And there are some things that need to be dead. there's some things that already are dead. There's some things that just aren't working
and are not going to work. There's some things that could be rehabbed and there's some things that are maybe causing a growth-promoting tension. Those are four different categories. But ending something really well, the good future, the great future, the exciting future that we want many times is made possible by what we end also. Does that make sense? And when we have tethers, it's like leaving the toothbrush at someone's house, even
you're broken up. It's like I have my little tether, just this little tether over there, just in case. It's like, nope, we're bringing, we're going to make our side clean. It creates energy and space, exactly, for something new to emerge. And so I think beginning things well is important. I think ending things well is super important too. And when we have abandonment
or rejection wounding, man, it's so hard to end stuff. It's so hard. You know, it's just like, and I don't know how to say it, but like there are some relationships, dynamics that need to be taken out back and shot. And there are some that need to be taken to the vet. And there are some that just need to be trained properly and potty trained. Does that make sense? Right. And it's like, we just need to do an assessment. And the sense I get based on everything you've shared here is that
there's a freedom that you want. You want the parts training and the vagal and all these things because you want to be in that eventual self-energy and cutting that tether will give that to you. - Right. Because being in my business, it just keeps me in a sympathetic state all the time. All the time. That's why I had to set those boundaries because I need two days a week where it's just like, I don't even want to think about it. - So go get that quarter mill and go do your next thing.
- Okay. Okay, cool. Yeah, I think by the end of this year, I can't sell it till the end of the year, but that'll be... I've been already setting it up. That's been my plan B all year. I'm talking to a lawyer and a salesperson and an accountant, and I have them all already lined up in case that's what I want to do. - Awesome. Yeah, I think that's just the vibe I get from you is that that's really what you sort of want, but I could be wrong, but that's what it seems like.
It's more just a permission to kill it. - Yeah, there's fear about security and worthiness and showing my face online as a person, 'cause as a service, it's not me, it's a logo, but as me, it's like, oh my God. - Totally. - I have a fear, so yeah. - Awesome. Well, I hope that the acquisition goes very well. Thank you. I appreciate it. That's so good. That's awesome. That's exciting. What a great place to be in. Beautiful. Beautiful. [music]