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Here's the problem. We spent so much time trying to turn on and accentuate the positive and regulating the negative. Right? Who follows? This makes sense? Okay. And so it's important to understand that what we wanna focus on is we wanna focus on being able to move forward to make your nervous system feel safe and experience and release the specific emotions that you've been avoiding.
And so to do that, the key is to learn how to self-regulate and create more nervous system capacity to experience the emotions that you've been avoiding. What if it was about capacity? See, the thing that we have to realize is that in life, what's most important is building nervous system capacity. If you want to go to the next level in your life, we need more capacity. And here's the thing, especially if you're on a trauma-informed journey, there's a time for healing, okay?
But what happens if all you're doing is healing all the time. What ends up happening? Just want to heal all the time. Who here feels like if all you're doing is healing is that all you fricking do is talk about your past? (laughs) It's just like, I am so done talking about the past, right? Who follows? Does this make sense, right? Is healing important? Of course it's important. But what we got to realize, just like in physical therapy, if you get injured, you might get surgery, right?
And you might need to heal, But we got to start to get stronger also. And eventually we can go from stronger into performance and performance into optimization. But if you don't have a relationship with these emotions that have been holding you back, it's like avoiding an injury. And here's the thing.
There's something in the grief or the anger or the lack of being able to feel good about yourself that is a master lesson in your life, because something happened when you were younger that said, this feeling is not safe. And that is why the things that trigger you and trigger you in those emotions are leading you to your next level. And the way that I think about this, especially if you feel like you've done all the work before, is it's like video game levels, right? So I love Jumanji,
I love The Rock, I think Dwayne Johnson's awesome. So if you feel like, "You know what, Massa, I've been doing all this work, it's not working." Well, what if it did work? If you think back to last year, two or three, who here feels like you've made progress in that time? Definitely made progress, okay? But wait a minute, I've been doing EMDR, but it's not working now. Well, hold on a second, I think maybe it did work for the level that you were on, but you're here to grow, I assume, yes?
That's why you're here. And so if you're here to grow, what we have to realize is the next level is more challenging. So we're going to be experiencing these again in a different way. And if all we do is pick the positive emotions, which is important to feel good feelings, but if all we do is focus on the positive, we are ignoring this. And it's like carrying on
excess baggage is weight we don't need, right? It's like if you know anything about flying, When a plane is flying through the air, it can burn less fuel at higher altitudes. Do you all know why? Why does a plane burn less fuel at higher altitudes? It can go further if it can fly higher. Because why? There is less resistance from the wind. There's less air the higher you go. So there's less resistance as you fly through the air.
And so what we do realize is without doing this holistically, we're increasing how much resistance and we don't need all this resistance. We don't need the triggers holding us back, but we want to learn from them. So we want to take a holistic and integrated approach. So what would be possible if you were okay, no matter how you felt? How about that for a question? What would be possible for you if you were okay, no matter how you felt?
Another way to say that is what would be possible for you if you could experience all of your emotions without becoming dysregulated, without being bumped off track? That is nervous system capacity. That is what we're talking about building here. So this is beyond healing into building capacity. Because as we start to move forward, we're gonna experience dysregulation, but we wanna make less dysregulation as we experience uncomfortable feelings.
Because the bigger the goals, the bigger the dreams, the bigger the purpose, requires a nervous system that has more capacity to self-regulate and can take on more challenge. Okay, and old patterns are keeping you stuck because of your fear of avoidance of specific emotions. Okay, so the old patterns keep you stuck because there's emotions that you're trying to avoid, and you don't realize you're going for something bigger, and so now we need a different game plan.
So modalities without the self-regulation approach won't work. That's why in your coaching, in your therapy, in your energy healing, in your yoga, meditation, breath work, etc., if you're not focused on this, it's a short-term fix. So what's missing is self-regulation skills that build nervous system capacity. What also is missing is knowing which emotions you're avoiding and knowing how not to get stuck in the emotions that hold you back.
Okay, so the good news in this is that no matter what your background is, self-regulation is the key to unlocking your true potential. But let me ask a question here. Okay, who here, and be honest, yes or no in the chat, who here when you started your personal development journey, your therapy journey with a psychiatrist or with a doctor, they said to you, "Oh, by the way, going on this journey is going to open Pandora's box of emotions and there's going to be a few
emotions that you have a really hard time feeling. Let me set you up to win to know what emotions they are and how to navigate them." Who here had somebody do that for you? Hop in the chat. Yes or no? Mostly nos. Okay, so when you go on a coaching journey, this is not a limiting belief. Okay, nobody has limiting beliefs. I don't believe in limiting beliefs. Nobody wakes up and says, "What belief can limit me today?" We have survival responses. We have trauma responses.
And so this is why coaching can drive me mad sometimes because we pathologize these emotions that make sense if we understand where they come from. And instead of trying to bypass them, we want to befriend them. And also when we start getting into cognitive behavioral therapy, it just calls it a distortion in thinking, but something happened in your history that makes
that response makes sense. So very rare is it that a coach or a therapist or a doctor will say, "Hey, by the way, this transformational journey you're going on is going to require healing, strengthening, and then eventually growing and optimizing, but there's going to be like three or four emotions that you're going to feel that are going to take you out. Until you know how to regulate those emotions, you're going to be stuck on the level that you're at." Nobody told me that.
It took me seven, eight million dollars of investing in my own personal development to go, you know, I think there's a problem here. I think no matter whether you're on a therapy journey or a coaching journey or a spiritual journey, that we're opening Pandora's box and all these emotions come out and so we go to try set goals, we go to try to grow businesses and go be online and go be
successful, but dang it, why is grief still here? Why am I having a hard time with anger? Why can't I let positive emotions about myself be in my system and thereby also maybe let the money stay? right? Nobody gave us a heads up, nobody gave me a heads up, and so I want to do you a service day and give you a heads up.