Hello. Howdy. How can I set an an are set realistic goals and expectations for myself. And the context in which that is in is that I seem to be sort of in the all or nothing a lot, which I can recognize that. But I have a lot of from all the burnout and all the things and all the isolation and all the physical pain and all the emotional pain and all the figuring out everything myself and that whole list
has gotten me to the place where I am right now. And so there's a lot of days where I can't even function to get through the day, even in the beginning of call. I'm like, can I get my brain staying on, especially when it starts when I start thinking of stuff that gets
overwhelming, then I just wanna go into dorsal. You know? So there's that side of some days, if I can just get through the day and, you know, I've worked with some therapists and things where it's like if I can, you know, if that if all you can do in the day is x, then that's all you can do that day. Don't be so hard on yourself and all
that. So that's that side. Then on the other side, not just as a should, but in terms of I want to be able to do a lot more than I'm doing and doing in a do it in a different way than I used to do, which of course I haven't played out yet, but all the way to to even, you know, in terms of business and and doing coaching and and I'm working on something that might be sort of sound like to a TED Talk and things that take a lot of energy, a lot of, you know,
a lot of new things, a lot of things that could put me way into dis regulation. And I'm thinking, It's not just like I should, but it's like I've I have Mastin internal drive, and that feels good to me to be working towards those things and doing things, but it might be a but then some of me that I can't even function at all. And then sometimes I think, well, if that if I just do step by step and the little thing step by step by step
by step, that's very kind in nurturing. to myself, but then sometimes I get confused thinking, no need to get off my ass, like, no matter how tired I am and get something done. And then that's gonna start going getting things in a direction. And that is the voice of the same we suffered devil in New York. Which one? Or all of them. I gotta get out of town. like, like, looser. Like, no. And I think it's because I don't have a lot of meaning in my it's not just, like, going to
the work. Hold on a second. I was like, no. No. It's slow. Okay. You just gave yourself the exact answer that you needed. And then this other part is, like, like, this rally cry of, like, let's go. We gotta crush. We gotta move. We gotta do it all. That is the problem. Letting that part run the show. That is, like, panicking. It's getting very sympathetic. Right? We
gotta go versus slow progress every day. That is see, when we get into regulation and when we start to recover and we start to we start to especially burnout, you're going to do things slower than you used to, but they will have a solid foundation. And it's important to slow down so that you can understand where you're susceptible, where you don't wanna do certain things anymore, and then reassess. and
that's when we start to bring support in. Right? Basic example, I had, a team over here twice this past week. Organizing, like, super, like, super, like, structured organizing. It's so disregulating for me to try to do I can't even watch them organize. Like, seriously, I it's like, I just I had to be, like, in a different way. What do you guys Okay. Great. But when it's organized, I'm like, oh, but there's something about the process of organization. It's just it's, like,
so stressful for me. And you know what? Kipp takes a long time. It takes, like, a day per room, and I have, like, six rooms. I'm stretching it out, like, every couple weeks. So, like, going really slow. Right? But it's like it's like, it's like and I I know people in my life that, like, they just wherever they go, they tied you up around them. but they don't get a lot of work done creatively like I do, but they're really
neat. Right? So it's like it's an there's obviously, like, a line there, but it's like, going slower builds a solid foundation and the part of you that's, like, gets into that sympathetic charge, like, that's the part that we wanna let go even slower. Because that's the part that burns you out. That's the part that ends you up in dorsal. Yeah. It's like that drill sergeant or
whatever. That's why it's kinda joking. It's like it's like loose fur. Right? So it's just like that is that that is that is the part where it's like as soon as you get into that panic mode, that's the part that starts to increase the pace in a way that misses the fundamentals of what you need, which ends you up in dorsal. Yeah. That's the forcing part. Like, the forcing forcing. That's right. And then there's other parts that are probably like, Yeah. Alright. Well, do you then?
I'm gonna show you how well that works. Yep. Right? And then that other part of the drill starter is like, oh, yeah? And then it's, like, just this tug of war versus, like, I understand we want to go faster. Yes. You're right. And today, this is what we're doing. And it can feel like failure, but it's not a solid foundation.
Yeah. I like that solid, but I I mean, that resonates as true, like, you know, or what whatever the right words, but it I can have a feeling of of a solid down foundation almost gives me that exhale, like, to be able to
breathe. And I I think as you were talking, I was thinking even though, I wanna do something for meaning in my life, where before I was just a workaholic, and I didn't really give a shit, but I had to like, I did at the time because it was what I was doing, but I wanna do something to really have meaning in my life because it's really lacking on every level. I'm drawn to that, but I'm big braiding those same parts -- Mhmm.
-- that I could listen to, but I'm letting them run the You can you can have Mastin as long as it happens really fast all at once. Yeah. Otherwise, no. Yeah. And then they're logical. Like, I need money. I need this and that, and I want meaning I've got to go out of my I'm in my parents house speaking of environment and Like, I'm telling you, it's not -- But when you go slower, you'll take the time to notice what you need to build a solid foundation. to be able to meet those needs in a way
that is sustainable versus feast damage. East damage. East damage. East damage. East damage. up down, but it's a very sympathetic dorsal, like, kind of bipolar in that way. Yeah. Right? Versus slow and steady. Yeah. because over time, I'm just going down, down, down to, like, being able to function is just -- That's right. So maybe maybe the meaning is I'm finding meaning in slower pace. We can change the meaning to not be so far out there.
Yeah. Or or whatever it is. Like, that that could be part of it or being open to what could be meaning because, you know, it's I used to find Mastin and work and meeting and, you know, the friends that I had from work and just I don't have a, you know, family members that I love. I have family members that I love that's put that way, but they're not the people that can
do effective -- Yeah. -- ask for things. That's that's not so much meaning as it is, like, like, really, like, solid connection and a shared context. Right? And, yes, there's meaning in that, but but meaning is more like it's, like, purpose. It's like the reason why, where what you're kinda describing is more social connection around things that are meaningful. Mhmm. Like work. Do you see the difference? You're saying that yeah. Social connection around things that are meaningful.
I I have that family, like, connection with the within a context, but then the the the things that I'm doing are the connection around meaningful things is just -- Exactly. There it is. It's connection around meaningful things. So that means, like, that means there's but there's lots of things. There's lots of places we can go to do that, whether it's like a younger studio, fitness. I mean, there's places that you can go to to ex have experiences like that also. Right? Some -- Yes.
-- and some can be free. Yeah. And then some I can't do right now today because physical limitations were, but, like, that's the thing where part goes in. Well, so there's something you can do, but whatever that is, though. Thinking all the, doing faster, more harder instead of what can I do today? And that does seem like -- And what not just what can you do today. Maybe I wanted the thing that I can do today. It could be like a smaller version of that.
Yeah. And then that's okay. And that's not a failure and that piece that says, okay. That's all great and good for today. in each day, but then how's that gonna get me anywhere? It's gonna be a year later, and I, like, am this much better even though logically, I know even 1%, you can start having the trajectory really change, but that's -- The part that's asking the question won't answer it well. Wait. Say that again. The what? The part that is asking that question won't answer it very well.
Yeah. The solid foundation isn't gonna be built by the questions that my current parts are asking. No. No. No. They will be. if a different part answers. Yeah. because then they'll be heard, but they're not just gonna be shouting, shouting, shouting, with nothing over here, listening, or hearing. That's right. Yeah. And what I will tell you
is check your motives. And what I mean by that is some people, including myself, will go into a transformational journey, with the stated intention of changing, but with the unconscious intention of perfecting their defenses. You have to think about that one. I don't know. Like, my mind kinda went blank on that one. Well, you answered the re yeah. I know. because I spotted on just holding Oh, associate. Hold on. No. That's
that's too real, Madison. I'll check check out and go blank on that one. What I'm saying is is that when I hear you talk, you actually already have the answers. The problem is you're letting the parts do the answering, not the wisdom. Right? So when the when the part that speaks up that's sympathetic, it's like, well, then you let that part answer also. versus one day at a time versus do what I can do. Those are the answers.
and say those ever. Yeah. Yeah. You said, I mean, yeah, I mean, it's awesome for me when a client is able to answer the right question. It's but it's I'm helping you understand that you're answering your own question, but you're not letting the part of you that has the wisdom answer the question when the parts that speak up that are just regulated, ask questions. Yeah. because that would be a new experience. Yeah. Well, how is this gonna work long term? What we really
gotta do is, right? Versus, well, how is this gonna work long term? Well, because one day at a time, we're gonna build this slowly. So it's not a function of don't let the parts ask the question. It's who answers? Yeah. And that's Kipp of the when I was saying it, I'm either this or this. It's because I'm either trying to ask and answer with the same part or probably trying to And here I am doing whatever you just called it where I'm perfecting my defenses.
That's right. But the on the other side, or it's like some other new part asking me answering, and then this part is behind. It's still locked out. But That's right. Let it I'll I'll I'll I'll summarize it with a joke. Okay? knock knock. Who's there? Dorcel. Dorcel, who? Was I supposed to get it? and being gorsell. I was like, obviously, I'm missing they didn't. I didn't. Right. if ventral answer is the door, it won't you won't go dorsal. Yeah. Does that make sense?
Mhmm. Yeah. So dorsal cannot, but let ventral answer. So before they could not let Ben answer it. Yeah. It's a different combination than put together before or used. That's exactly what I hear. I can understand it, but that's what's not getting me anywhere. You know, it's the putting those together real life. That's right. That's called integration. Yeah. Sounds beautiful. Thank you. good.