¶ Guidance for Making God-Pleasing Decisions
On today's episode negative reasons for why that is . Church doesn't think we should have any fun , or they're just a bunch of old fuddy-duddies or whatever . They may remember the no , but they don't remember the reasons , and that's yet another reason why you need to go back and hear it from the source , which is the pastor speaking from God's Word .
Welcome to the Life Challenges podcast from Christian Life Resources . People today face many opportunities and struggles when it comes to issues of life and death , marriage and family , health and science . We're here to bring a fresh biblical perspective to these issues and more . Join us now for Life . Challenges for Life .
Challenges . Hi and welcome back . I'm Krista Potratz and I'm here today with Pastors Bob Fleischman and Jeff Samuelson , and today we want to talk about some life decisions you shouldn't make on your own . Maybe kind of a fun topic or a little different one here .
But you know , a lot of times we find that as we as Christians and I mean just maybe people in general there are bigger decisions in life and sometimes maybe you talk through these decisions with people , but maybe you don't necessarily talk about them with the right people or with people that can really help you make in our case too , as Christians , a God-pleasing
decision . Maybe come up against in life and just trying to keep in mind maybe people that they can talk to that would help them make a God-pleasing decision . Anything generally we should say about this topic before we jump into some of these decisions and scenarios .
The reason you seek help for anything is because you realize that there's a void in your knowledge bank on this . So if I'm talking about how to fix something on the garden equipment , I realize I'm not a mechanic . There are things I don't know , so I find somebody who knows and I reach out to it .
Now you start getting into the quality of the advice you get . The one thing that I find when we get into more ethical type decisions is that one of the problems that we all experience is we tend to gather around ourselves people who think just like we do .
So like , for example , if I want to get into a discussion about politics , which is a good , controversial topic , and so I want to talk about politics I'm not happy with something a politician said , chances are pretty good I'm going to have a conversation with somebody who agrees with me on it and it's going to bolster my position and I'm going to feel more
well-footed in it . But the reality is this is that we all have an evil inclination . The Apostle Paul talked about it as the good that I would do that I do not . The evil I would not do that I keep on doing . That's Romans , chapter 7 .
He calls himself the chief of sinners , and of course this is the guy that most of us go to the writings of Paul to find guidance on how to live .
But you have to be aware of your blind side , and we spend so much time fortifying ourselves and our convictions that we sometimes I worry at least I worry personally that I lose sight of the fact that I'm still walking around with a plank in my own eye , I'm still walking around with tinted glasses where I don't see things clearly .
Yeah , and I think this topic also relates to the episode we ran in early July on interdependence . There is this idea and again it's rooted in our sinful nature , that evil inclination we have , that I did it all on my own . You know we're proud of when a three-year-old's talking about getting dressed or using the potty or something like that .
But you know , when you're older in life and you're talking about major life decisions and things like that and you're saying , well , no , I don't need anybody else , I don't need to find out what anybody else has to say on this , I did it all on my own , basically saying I don't need to find out what anybody else has to say on this .
I did it all on my own , basically saying I don't need to listen to anybody else . And that's really hardly the attitude of a child of God or a member of Christ's body . We've got to watch out for pride and recognize that .
I don't know everything .
And I may not even be thinking of all the right questions that need to be asked , let alone answered , and certainly there are some things .
Yes , you are perfectly capable of deciding on your own , but if it's really something important , the Christian's attitude is going to be like I want to make sure I make the best decision on this matter , so I'm not going to simply trust that I know everything and I'm going to seek out other advice , other voices , other information to help make sure that I am
doing the right thing .
So then , why , as believers , shouldn't we be satisfied with just saying , well , I prayed about it or I checked my Bible , it's not in there . And then just maybe thinking , like , all right , well , I've done that , now I'm just going to go ahead with whatever I think is right . What is the caution there ?
Oh , I'll start with the I prayed about it and that kind of assumes that you somehow are automatically going to know God's answer to your prayer and know it on your timetable , and that's not something that either scripture or experience tells us to expect .
Plenty of examples of pretty much everyone's life where you pray and you pray and pray for something and it seems like God's not giving an answer , which sometimes is his answer but to assume that well , I prayed about it and therefore I think it's okay to go ahead with it , is simply saying I didn't get an answer , that lightning didn't strike and tell me not
to go this direction and so therefore I'm going to continue doing what I had decided all along I was going to do . And so you know that attitude of I prayed about it is there's a certain amount of presumption involved with that .
I know I've talked about this before , but it seems like what goes hand-in-hand with the evil inclination is this insatiable desire for shortcuts , and so people will say I'd like to do this , or this is what I plan to do . I prayed about it and I feel God is leading me in this direction .
And I think about it and I feel God is leading me in this direction . And I think you referenced oh , they might say , I checked my Bible . So where did you check ?
Just out of curiosity .
I don't know if they just kind of open up the Bible and put their finger down and say , well , I looked there . God wanted me to see it . He would have had my finger land on the right passage
¶ Guidance in Decision-Making
. But I mean , people have these almost superstitious notions about the way they pursue this , and so the shortcut is that I need validating in a notion I have . So , let's say , I want to put off having children . We've talked about birth control and stuff , but I'm just going to use this as an example .
So we're going to get married and I think we're going to use birth control because we want to get to know each other better before we bring another life into our relationship and so forth . And so we both prayed about it and we feel God is leading us into following that decision . And I've heard almost those exact words when I've sat down with a couple .
And I'll say so where did you identify this feeling as being from God and not just from yourselves ? Well , we prayed about it . Okay , has God revealed anything in his word about it ? You know , and without exception , they never really dug that deep into the Bible . See , part of the problem is that there are two ways that we have to act .
There are sometimes these immediate spur-of-the-moment decisions , snap decisions you have to make . You're in the emergency room . They need a decision . They come to you . You don't have time to poll your friends or people who might even help you make the decision . You have to make a decision . For that . You're being trained for that .
Every time you hear a sermon I get people who come to me and say you know , I don't like my church . You know my pastor's too boring . It's always the same thing every week . You know I'm a sinner , jesus died for my sins , and so forth .
But I'll tell you when , all of a sudden , you feel like you're getting ready to meet God , that message Jesus died for my sins makes a world of difference . Even if you thought you were being bored to death about it . It caught you there for those moments .
But as we learn in Hebrews , chapter 5 , going into chapter 6 , you've got to be able to dig deeper , become more familiar with the full counsel of God , to tackle bigger issues , and most of us don't want to do that . And so we'll say we pray to God and I feel comfortable in my position . So God must have created that comfortable feeling .
Well , you've got to remember . People have , in the name of God , done some horrible things because they felt that they were doing it for the cause of God . And that's not knowing yourself , not knowing your biases , not knowing your evil inclination .
I think too , what happens a lot of times is that we make decisions that we know oh well , you know , other Christian people have made this decision , so it must be okay too . So , for example , like with birth control , if you know that your pastor's wife had taken birth control or something , well , she took it , she's the pastor's wife .
That must mean that it's okay , instead of really searching in your own heart and in scripture too , and really having the Lord convict you of things , just something like that . I mean just throwing out an example there . But I think , you know , oftentimes we look at other Christian people and then think , well , they made that decision .
That must mean that it's okay , and then never search the Scripture or really talk to God about it .
And , of course , in that situation , you're only focusing on the Christians who have made the decision you want to make .
Yes .
Not the Christians , who have made the opposite decision .
Exactly , you find Christians like you were saying . That validate you and then you think okay , other words , even if the majority .
If the majority said a wrong is right doesn't make the wrong right , they just said that the wrong is right , and you have to understand that , which I suppose , leads us to the question of how do you get down to it ? You know , one of the things I did when—we view sponsors for a baptism .
It's not biblically mandated , but they're the ones to—they commit to helping assure that we raise our children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord .
I'm pretty pig-headed that much I know about myself and so I knew that whoever I picked for sponsors had to be a handful of people that I very , very much trust and who can tell me things that I don't like hearing . But there aren't too many . And you do that because you have to realize .
You know your propensity to get off track and to stay off track , and you know like one of them . I know Jeff knows him , but he's dynamite . We've been best friends since we were children , and yet we've never really had an argument , and yet he's corrected me many times .
We have a conversation , he knows how to approach me and he also knows how to stab me in the heart . But I mean , you find someone who's rooted in Scripture , who has sincerely your best intent at heart and that's where you begin .
But if it's somebody who always agrees with you on approach and so forth , it's probably not the best the fact that he and I don't agree on everything . We'll have discussions in which we don't agree but we don't have arguments . You know , because I know his heart , he knows my heart and that's how it works and that helps a lot .
But I think first of all too , we would say sit down with your pastor .
Yes , and yeah , that was one thing I wanted to get at too , because we'll go through a couple of these bigger questions . But when we talk about not making them on your own , then who should you be making them with ?
Yeah , and I think a lot of people , either because they legitimately feel this or because they're just kind of making excuses , will say , oh , I don't want to bother my pastor with that .
I think most pastors would be very happy to have their members come to them and say hey look , we're trying to decide this thing , or this is a really big decision in front of me . Walk me through this . What do I need to be thinking about ? What might there be that I haven't considered that I should be considering ?
They're going to be happy to do that , not just because they love you as the sheep they're responsible for , not just because they're interested in you , but even because it saves trouble down the line , because if they help lead you to a spiritually correct decision , then you're not going to be dealing later with the repercussions of a spiritually bad decision .
It's preventative maintenance , if nothing else . So pastors are going to be happy to have those questions . So , please , please , go to your pastor when you've got a difficult or just important decision to make . Even if it's just pastor , I'm pretty sure this is what we're going to do . What do you think ?
I'm pretty sure this is what we're going to do . What do you think ? Well , I want to talk about some of these topics , too , that maybe you would talk about with your pastor . I think you know what we want to maybe hit on with some of these is what makes it a decision that you know you shouldn't make on your own ?
What kind of makes it a decision that , oh , I really should be cluing in somebody else in it ? You know , the first one we have here is you know , should I move in with my fiancee ?
Well , we live in a culture that seems to be accepting that , and yet I'd like to think that Christians still have kind of a sense that there's something wrong with this , and maybe that's kind of the umbrella answer is when you have a sense that Scripture , that your pastor has said something in a sermon or that you remember from Sunday school or confirmation class
that there might be something wrong with this , and you start there . Why ? Because it is all about glorifying God , so why would you want to embark upon something that might compromise that ? I want to say one more thing about the pastor , if I could .
The most common statement I get when people call us because our first line that we always give them when they call about a critical question on everything is have you talked to your pastor about it ? And the majority will respond . Some will respond , like Jeff said , that he doesn't have time .
I don't want to bother him , but the majority will say I don't think he would know what to say . Based , the majority will say I don't think he would know what to say . He just based on the sermons . I don't think he would know what to say . He never gets practical , never talks about these things , and so
¶ Seeking Guidance on Moral Dilemmas
forth . Okay , first of all , let me I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt . You might be absolutely right . First of all , that's why CLR exists is because we explore things that you don't have time to explore as a parish pastor . So he may not .
So this is why I would recommend that you call him when you think that there's this gray area that you're not quite sure about . You contact your pastor . You'd say , pastor , we'd like to come in and talk to you about and give him the topic and give him a couple of days . Why ? Because this is what he's going to do .
This is what I did in parish ministry . Is he's going to study scripture ? He's going to first of all make sure he understands where the Bible has touch points on it .
In the course of that studying , he may call CLR , he may be calling me anyways , or he may be calling somebody else in the congregation , without giving away your name , but might be expert , like a doctor , a surgeon , whatever . In other words , this is not a test for him . Don't come in and say do you have a couple minutes ?
Afterwards , I'd like to talk to you about the Human Genome Project and , if it's all right , if we research the genetic line of our children . Don't throw that stuff at him . But if you gave him a few days notice he'll understand better . Give him a chance to research it . But remember what you're tapping him for .
You're not tapping him for the kind of surgery to have medical information . You're tapping him for guidance from God's Word . So give him a chance to make sure to touch on those points from Scripture that's going to help you and to do it from a practical standpoint by allowing him the ramp-up time .
Now I can tell you as somebody who works within my family with somebody who's got cancer . There are things that we have dealt with on this whole cancer business that you never were trained for in the seminary and , quite honestly , in all of my counseling I never dealt with this kind of cancer .
So if you were my member and you came up to me and said , well , my wife's with this kind of cancer , so if you were my member and you came up to me and said , well , my wife's got this kind of cancer , what do you think we should do ? I mean , I'm going to be clueless and I'm the head of Christian Life Resources . I wouldn't even know .
You've got to be fair . But allow time and even if you think your pastor is boring and out of touch and everything a lot of times you don't know the guy Give him a chance . If you sit down with him and you found you got nowhere , okay . But remember what you're asking for .
You're asking him to give you the pathway to glorify God in this , and that's what you're looking for . Don't be looking for him to get into the whole biology or the science or the chemistry behind it .
Yeah , back to the point of what are the things where you're going to say , okay , why should I talk to somebody else about this With the idea of moving in with my fiance as an example of this , if it's something where you know that society's attitudes have changed a lot , something where your grandparents would have said absolutely not , but your society now is
saying , oh sure , go ahead . That's precisely the kind of issue where you need to say maybe I shouldn't just be listening to my friends , maybe I should get some other perspective .
Maybe there's a reason that they used to say no to this thing in the past , and maybe there's a reason why grandma and grandpa always get upset when cousin Phil is living with his girlfriend or something like that .
So it's like , okay , this is something , and say , with this particular question , if you're seriously considering , as a Christian , moving in with your fiance , chances are actually pretty good . You don't want to ask your pastor about it . Why ? Well , I just know what he'll say . What will he say ? He'll say no . That's why I don't want to talk to him .
Just like so many kids , they know which parent to go to when they've got to . You know , I'll ask dad , because mom will just say no .
Well , you know , there's a reason the pastor is going to say no , and that's if you're in a situation like that whether it's this particular question or any others , where it's like well , I know , I don't want to hear what the pastor has to say , or you know what my Christian parents have to say , or what my baptismal sponsor has to say , those are precisely
the times where you need to bite down and go hear what is to be said on this .
There's merit in hearing what you think they're going to say sometimes , yeah , sometimes you just need to hear it .
I'm so glad you said that , bob . We get maybe nervous or kind of uncomfortable because we think , oh yeah , they're really going to tell me no on this . And I think a lot of times there is we have to maybe kind of realize too yes , they'll tell us no probably on it , but they're going to do it in a kind loving and gentle way too .
That might be just the way that you need to hear about it , instead of just thinking , oh yeah , they're just going to tell me no , you're going to be able to hopefully have a discussion and talk with somebody . Sometimes it's just such a different dynamic to actually be conversing with somebody than it is just to converse with them in your head , right ?
So it's like oh , I just know , you know what my pastor is going to say and he's going to say this . You know that . All right . Well , I've already got the advice . Why do I have to go see him ?
Well , it's a different experience when you're actually sitting down with him or you know just anybody and having an actual conversation , than when you've just thought of in your head .
And as a footnote to all this , just to add that I will even go so far as to say most of the people listening to this podcast , as well as Christians generally , generally their memory of what they were taught in catechism , instruction or whatever instruction level they had coming into the church or maturing in the faith , is not so good .
They may very well remember well I'm pretty sure I remember that I was taught that this thing is a no . All they remember is the no . They fill in from other things like oh well , the reason is this , and if it's something that they don't like , that answer , then they'll fill in negative reasons for why that is .
Oh well , the church doesn't think we should have any fun , or they're just a bunch of old fuddy-duddies or whatever . They may remember the no , but they don't remember the reasons .
They may remember the no , but they don't remember the reasons . And that's yet another reason why you need to go back and hear it from the source , which is the pastor speaking from God's word , because very often there's this like oh yeah , I'd forgotten that part .
Many of these issues involve more than one party , so like a cohabitation decision involves another party , and sometimes the mere fact that you're wrestling with it which is a good thing should be wrestling with it , even if you know the answer that you're going to get .
Sometimes it's good to hear how it's explained Kind of relating a little bit to what Jeff was saying , because there's a why behind the answer and you get to hear it . When I was a student in the seminary , I very much admired Dr Becker and so I used to sit in the front row so that I made sure not to miss anything , because I distract easily .
And I got to the point where I challenged him very often on most everything , to the point where he would anticipate it . So he would even say something controversial and go . Well , mr Fleischman , what do you think of that ? Because I would be challenging .
But the reason I challenged him all the time and he knew this is I wanted to hear how he explained it , Because someday I would have to explain it to somebody .
I would have to explain it to somebody , and so when you're dealing with where you're looking to make a mutual decision on cohabitation , birth control , medical treatment for someone , whatever the issue is , sometimes you realize that there is a right and a wrong answer , or there's darker gray and lighter gray , those kinds of issues .
Sometimes it's good to just hear the obvious told you in a way that might resonate better with the other people that you're going to be dealing with on it , because you're not an island . Almost all of these are touching the lives of other people .
Bob , you touched on some . I mean I just want to kind of share a couple more too . But even you know , even when we talk about like , if you're thinking of being done with children or not , you know , getting either your tubes tied or a vasectomy or something like that , I mean , is another good one to maybe . I have a friend .
I had a friend the other day who said , yeah , I'm not sure you know if we're done with kids or not , and I never once thought to tell her like , oh , maybe you should go talk to your pastor about that , or you know , or just something like that . I mean , there's another option for just thinking through some of that .
I mean , if someone came to me and said , well , I think we're done having kids , you know , I think I would say , does God agree with that ? What if he has a different opinion on the matter ?
And just to try to force some reflection , some thought on that , because when you have one of those procedures , you're kind of closing the door on any blessings he intends to give you .
You know , with certain other forms of birth control and such , you know , there are , you know , ways that God might still surprise you with a blessing , because if he gives children , it's a blessing .
Um , you know , but it's also when you're doing that , you , you are causing a permanent alteration to your body , um , the body that God blessed you with , and , um , you're causing it to no longer to do what he designed it to do , and you're causing it to no longer to do what he designed it to do . So it's not a little thing that you're considering .
And by no means saying it's always wrong to do this . There may very well be situations , you know , there are medical reasons where this is the wisest course of action , but it's just one of those things that there's a lot more to consider here than just yeah , I think we've had enough .
There's a lot more to think about there , and it needs to be considered in a biblical context and not just in the sense of this is what we're comfortable with .
Yeah , a lot of times our questions arise because we know that there is an opposing view , but we don't know why , and it'd be valuable to be challenged with some of those questions and then bring that to your pastor . So I would go back just kind of to the premise .
There is nothing wrong with going to the pastor with these questions and don't jump to the conclusion that he's not going to know Presume , he's not going to know all the details that you know because you've probably been stewing on this for a while . But give him a chance and then get it addressed .
You know , like , when we get to end-of-life issues pulling the plug or not pulling the plug the terminology that a lot of times is used those are the kinds of questions where you really need an objective party .
Those are the kinds of questions where you really need an objective party , but especially one that's helping you carry out your prime mission to glorify God . If we're talking about vasectomy , we're talking about medical treatment issues , we're talking about an operation .
We're talking about a moral decision , what to do , surrogate parenting we're talking about all these things . The question that should always be the overriding one is how do I glorify God in this ? How can I glorify God in this ? And with that question you go to the expert , the best expert you know , which is your pastor .
Start with him Doesn't mean you'll stay just talking to him , but start with him .
Yeah , anything else that we should hit on with this topic ?
Just going back to what you said at the beginning , we talked about people saying , well , I prayed about it and letting that be it . Well , I didn't find that in the Bible . I just want to emphasize we are by no means disparaging prayer or personal Bible study . Certainly , when you find yourself faced with a difficult or important decision , pray about it .
Certainly , go to the Bible on your own and see what you can learn there . Our point with this whole topic is simply to say that don't just rely on your own abilities , your own knowledge , your own memory and such abilities , your own knowledge , your own memory and such .
Get the help from somebody who knows more or who can guide you into the areas that you need to be guided with , precisely because these are important things and they matter to God , because you matter to God , and so , therefore , you want to make sure that the decision you make is not only God-pleasing but in line with the best way that he can bless you .
And just always remember other people watch the decision you make and you'll be influential on them .
Yeah .
So you've got a responsibility to get it right .
Well , thank you both , and we thank all of our listeners for joining us today , and if you have any questions on this topic or any others , you can reach us at lifechallengesus . We'll see you back next time . Bye , life Resources .
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