Welcome back to the Messy Podcast. I'm so excited to kick off season one. Season one. Yeah. Well, we'll be doing a deep dive into Mel Robbins' The Let Them Theory. Yes. You know, that book everyone's buzzing about. For these next few episodes, we're going to unpack its core ideas, share some of the most intriguing bits. Right.
spark some new ways of thinking about, well, pretty much everything. Everything, yeah. So for our listener who maybe hasn't cracked open the let them theory yet, can you give us the quick and dirty overview? What's this whole let them thing about?
Yeah, so at its heart, the let them theory challenges us to question our ingrained need to control the people and situations around us. It asks, what if instead of trying to force people into our mold of who we think they should be we simply let them be themselves okay that definitely sounds messy yeah which is kind of our vibe here yeah I'm guessing there's more to it than just throwing up our hands and letting chaos reign exactly it's not about passivity or giving up
Robbins actually argues that this letting go can be incredibly empowering both for ourselves and for the people in our lives. I know I'm intrigued. So where does Robbins even begin with this idea? Does she just drop this let them bomb and expect us to figure it out? Well, she actually kicks things off with a really relatable story from her own life.
Okay. It's this moment where she realizes she's constantly trying to fix someone close to her, and it's creating all this tension and resentment. Then she has this epiphany where she decides to just let go. Ooh, that's got to be juicy. Can you give us a little more? Oh well, I don't want to spoil all the details, but...
This pivotal moment in Robin's life really highlights how we can sometimes get so caught up in our own narratives about how things should be that we miss out on the beauty of what actually is. And that's where they'll let the magic happens. It's definitely a starting point. Okay.
By releasing the need to control, we open ourselves up to seeing people for who they truly are, flaws and all. Right. And that Robin suggests is where real connection begins. I'm starting to see how this could get messy in a good way. So if the first step is letting them be. Is there a flip side to this theory? What about letting me be? Is that part of the equation too?
Absolutely. The concept of letting me is crucial to Robbins' theory. She argues that true freedom comes not only from releasing the grip on others, but also from releasing the grip on ourselves. Okay, I'm definitely feeling a theme here. So... If this letting go thing is the key, what's a problem with all this control in the first place? Why is it such a big deal?
Well, Robbins argues that this constant striving for control, this need to make everything and everyone fit our expectations, is actually the source of a lot of our stress, anxiety, and even unhappiness. That makes sense. I mean, how often do we find ourselves... frustrated or disappointed when things don't go exactly according to plan or when people don't behave the way we think they should.
It's a common human experience, but Robin suggests it's an exhausting and ultimately futile way to live. We can't control everything. And the sooner we accept that, the sooner we can start to experience more peace and freedom in our lives. All right. This is definitely resonating. So for a listener who's hooked so far, what can they expect as we continue our deep dive into the let them theory? What are we going to unpack in the upcoming episodes? Well, we're just scratching the surface here. OK.
In future episodes, we'll explore the practical applications of this theory, how to actually let them be and let me be in our everyday lives. We'll look at specific challenges, share some real life examples. and discuss the potential benefits which
Trust me, you're pretty mind blowing. I'm already hooked. So for our listeners, make sure you hit that subscribe button so you don't miss out on the rest of our deep dive into the let them theory. Yeah. We'll be back next time with more insights, more messy goodness, and hopefully some.
aha moments that will inspire you to embrace the liberating power of letting go. Exactly. See ya. Bye. Picking up where we left it off, I think it's worth digging a little deeper into why this need for control is so ingrained in us. Okay. What's fascinating is that Robbins connects this behavior to our primal instincts. Ooh, primal instincts. Now we're talking. You know, I love a good evolutionary psychology tie-in.
Well, you'll appreciate this. Robbins argues that our brains are wired for survival. For our ancestors, control often meant the difference between life and death. Wow. Controlling fire, controlling resources, controlling their environment. It was essential for staying safe. So we're basically hardwired to be control freaks. Thanks, Evolution.
Well, it's not quite that simple. While those survival instincts are still a part of us, the problem is that our modern world requires a different kind of approach. Right. Clinging to that primal need for control can actually backfire, especially in our relationships. That makes sense. I can see how trying to control every aspect of our lives, and especially the people in them, could lead to some serious burnout. But how does the let them theory offer a different path?
Robbins argues that by recognizing these primal urges and consciously choosing to let go, we can actually tap into a different part of our brain, the prefrontal cortex, which is responsible for higher-level thinking, empathy, and emotional regulation.
So we're not just suppressing our instincts, we're actually engaging a more evolved part of our brains. Exactly. It's about shifting from a fear-based... reactive mode to a more conscious responsive way of being and that shift robin suggests is where the real magic happens okay but this still feels a bit abstract can you give our listener a concrete example of what this letting go looks like can practice. Sure. Think about a time when you were trying to convince someone to see things your way.
Maybe it was a friend who was making a decision you didn't agree with, or a partner who wasn't meeting your expectations. How did that go? Ooh, I've definitely been there. And let's be honest, it usually doesn't end well. Lots of frustration, maybe some hurt feelings, and rarely any real change. That's because when we try to control the outcome, we often create resistance.
The other person feels pressured, judged, and ultimately less likely to listen. So what's the alternative? Just sit back and watch them make what we think is a mistake? Not necessarily. Remember, the let them theory isn't about being passive. Right. It's about shifting our focus from...
trying to change the other person to understanding their perspective. So instead of lecturing or giving unsolicited advice, we try to actually listen. Exactly. And not just listen to respond, but listen to truly understand. When we approach conversations with curiosity rather than judgment, it creates a completely different dynamic. The other person feels heard, respected, and more open to sharing their thoughts and feelings. And that's when real connection can happen.
It's a crucial step because often when people feel understood, they're more likely to be open to different perspectives, even without. us forcing them to see things our way. So it's like we're planting a seed rather than trying to force a flower to bloom. That's a great analogy. Yeah. And just like with a seed, we need to provide the right conditions for growth.
That means creating a space of trust, empathy, and acceptance. This is definitely making me rethink my approach to, well, pretty much every relationship in my life. But how do we know when we're actually letting them be and not just giving up? What's the difference?
That's a great question. And it's one that Robbins addresses directly in the book. She argues that letting go isn't about abandoning our values or condoning harmful behavior. It's about recognizing that we can't force change on anyone. So it's about setting boundaries, letting people know what we will and won't tolerate. Boundaries are definitely a part of it. OK. But it's also about choosing our battles wisely.
Sometimes the most loving thing we can do is simply step back and allow the other person to make their own choices, even if we think they're making a mistake. That sounds incredibly difficult, especially when it comes to the people we care about most. It can be challenging, but it's also...
incredibly liberating. When we release that group of control we free ourselves from the burden of trying to fix everyone else's problems and paradoxically that often creates the space for people to step into their own power and make more responsible choices. a way letting them be is actually a form of empowerment both for them and for us.
exactly it's about trusting in the other person's capacity to learn and grow even if it's messy and imperfect and it's about reclaiming our own energy and focusing on what we can control our own thoughts feelings and actions this is definitely a lot to chew on But I'm already starting to see how this shift in perspective could lead to more authentic connections, less drama, and a whole lot more peace of mind.
And we're just scratching the surface here. In the next and final part of our deep dive, we'll explore some of the unexpected benefits of the let them theory, and we'll share some practical tips for incorporating this philosophy into your everyday life. All right, we're back for the final part of our deep dive into the let them theory. We've talked about the primal urge to control the downsides of clinging to that control and the potential freedom that comes with letting go.
Now, I'm curious to hear more about those unexpected benefits you mentioned. What kind of magic happens when we start to put this theory into practice? Well, one of the most surprising benefits that Robbins highlights is the impact it has on our own happiness. She argues that when we stop trying to force people to change, we actually free ourselves from a lot of unnecessary stress and anxiety. That makes sense. I mean, think about all the energy we expend trying to fix.
people to make them see things our way or to get them to behave the way we think they should it's exhausting it really is and robin suggests that this constant struggle for control is actually a major drain on our emotional well-being when we let go of that need we create space for more joy peace and even gratitude in our lives so by letting them be
we're also, in a way, letting ourselves be happier. Precisely. It's like we're releasing ourselves from a self-imposed prison of expectations and judgments. And when we do that, we open ourselves up to experiencing the world and the people in it in a whole new way. Okay, that's pretty profound.
But let's get practical for a moment. For our listener who's ready to embrace this let them philosophy, where do they even begin? It all sounds great in theory, but how do we actually put it into practice in our messy, complicated lives?
Well, Robbins offers a lot of practical tips and strategies in the book, but I think one of the most powerful starting points is simply becoming more aware of our own control pattern. So noticing those moments when we feel that urge to jump in, to fix... offer unsolicited advice exactly start paying attention to your thoughts your emotions and even your physical sensations when you're in those situations what triggers that need for control
What are you afraid of happening if you let go? That's a great point. It's like we're doing a deep dive into our own control freak tendencies. And once you start to become more aware of those patterns, you can begin to experiment with different approaches. Instead of reacting automatically, try pausing, taking a breath and asking yourself,
What if I just let this be? Easier said than done right. Yeah. But I'm guessing that's where the real growth happens. It definitely pushes us outside of our comfort zones. But with practice, we can start to rewire our brains and create new, more empowering habits. So it's a process, not a quick fix. Absolutely. And Robbins emphasizes that it's okay to mess up, to fall back into old patterns and to start again.
The key is to be patient with ourselves and to celebrate the small victories along the way. This is really resonating with me. shift in perspective could have a ripple effect on all areas of our lives our relationships our work even our sense of self
It's a truly transformative philosophy. And as we wrap up this deep dive, I want to leave our listener with one final thought from Robbins. She says that when we let go of the need to control, we open ourselves up to a world of possibility, a world where we can embrace
embrace our authentic selves, connect with others on a deeper level and create a more fulfilling and meaningful life. That's a beautiful way to put it. And it's a journey. I'm definitely excited to continue exploring. Me too. And for anyone listening, who's feeling inspired to dive deeper into the left.
them theory? We highly recommend checking out Mel Robbins' book. It's full of insights, stories, and practical tips that can help you embrace the liberating power of letting go. And in the meantime, keep those two little words in mind. Let them see what happens when you start to whisper them to yourself in those moments when you feel that urge to control. You might be surprised at the magic that unfolds.
Thanks for joining us on this deep dive into the let them theory. We hope you'll continue to explore these ideas with us in future episodes. And until then, remember to embrace the mess, let go of the control, and let yourselves be free.