All right, everybody, welcome back to The Messy Podcast. You know the drill. If you want to listen without the ads, you can be a premium member. Head over to Apple Podcasts, or if you're on Spotify, you can find the ad-free playlist in the more like this section. We're in the middle of Season 1, The Let Them Theory, and today's Deep Dive, Episode 3, is all about a concept that I really connected with. It's called Stop Wasting Your Life on Things You Can't Control.
wow that title really grabs your attention doesn't it i think it speaks to something that so many of us are going through yeah for sure and the book really gets right to the point it starts with this line the problem isn't you The problem is the power you unknowingly give to other people. Whoa, right?
What are your thoughts on that? You know, it can be a tough thing to accept, but it's actually really freeing once you get it. We often get caught up in this trap of trying to please everyone. Like we're bending over backwards to meet all these expectations, expectations that aren't even ours to begin with. Where do you see this happening in your own life? Oh, all the time. Just the other day, I was stressing about a work project. And I realized I was more worried about what my boss would think.
than if I was actually proud of the work. And the author, she shares this story about her son's prom. I think a lot of us can relate to this story. She's going crazy with all the prom details. But her son's totally fine with everything, doesn't care at all.
That's a classic example of how we just project our anxieties onto other people. We get so caught up that we lose sight of what actually matters. The author uses this image of a melting ice cube to represent time. You know, we can't keep it from melting.
But we can choose how we spend it, those precious moments. That image really stuck with me too, especially when she talks about that ice cube representing time with loved ones. It made me think about all those times I wasted my energy worrying about things that don't matter.
What if I had spent that time with the people I care about instead of stressing out about stuff that doesn't even matter? It's powerful, isn't it? And that leads the author to this big idea, the let them theory. Yes, let them. It seems so simple.
But there's a lot in those two words. Tell me more about how the author came up with this idea. So she was feeling overwhelmed, frustrated by all these things she couldn't change, and then she had this epiphany, let them. What's so great about it is that it's simple. It reminds us that we don't have to control everything. In fact, when we try to do that, it usually makes us suffer more.
So it's like giving yourself permission to let go. Yeah. Right. Exactly. And that's what makes it so important. When we give up needing to control other people, their opinions, their reactions, their choices. We free ourselves from so much mental and emotional baggage. I can see how freeing that would be. But how does letting go work practically? What does let them look like day to day? Okay, before we get too deep into that, let's pause for a moment to hear from our sponsor. Sounds good.
Thanks for listening to that. Let's jump back into it. Okay, so think about it this way. You have a co-worker who's always grumpy. Their negativity used to get to you, but now you practice let them. You see their grumpiness, but you don't let it control your mood. You just focus on your own work and stay positive. Or let's say you have a friend who always cancels plans at the last minute.
You don't get frustrated. You let them and just make other plans. You realize their flakiness isn't about you, it's about them. You're not in charge of how they act, but you are in charge of how you react. I like these examples. Yeah, that's a good point. It's important to see the difference between striving for things in a healthy way. And clinging to control that just makes us unhappy. We all have goals and things we want to achieve.
But when we try to control things we can't control, like what other people think or things that just happen, it just leads to stress and disappointment. So it's not about giving up on our goals. What about knowing where to focus our energy? Like on the things we can control, our actions, our reactions, our choices. The author actually mentions sharing this let them idea in a short online video. And it went viral.
millions of views, tons of comments. It really resonated with people. And it makes sense. This need to control things is something we all struggle with. It's a part of us. But the author's let them theory gives us a simple but powerful way to change our perspective and find some peace. So let them is about accepting what we can't control and focusing on what we can.
But it's more than that, right? You said that let them is only half of it. Right. And that's what makes this whole thing so interesting. The next chapter is about the let me part. Ooh, a cliffhanger. I can't wait to hear more about that. But before we go on, I think it's important to point out that the let them theory isn't just about feeling less stressed. It's about changing how we see life in our relationships. It definitely is.
It's about realizing that true empowerment comes from focusing on what we can control, like our own thoughts and actions and letting go of the idea that we can control other people. And that's where let me comes in. It's about taking back your own agency and living a life that's true to yourself. So if there's one thing our listeners could let them do today.
What would it be? What situation or person have they been trying to control that's just draining their energy? Take a moment to really think about it. What would it look like to simply let go?
That's a great question. And while you're thinking about that, I really encourage you to check out the book. To learn more about the let me part, that's where the real change happens. In the balance between letting go of control over others and taking back control over your own life. Like a dance, isn't it? We let them be who they are. And when we do that, we create space to let me be who I am. I can't wait to get into the let me concept and learn more.
It's a game changer, that's for sure. And the author doesn't just tell us this is a nice idea. She gives real world examples, insights from psychology and neuroscience, and even her own personal stories. This is what I love about our deep dives. Here's a quick word from our sponsor. Stay with us. And we're back. Thanks for sticking around.
We get to really unpack these ideas and figure out how to use them in our own lives. Exactly. And the let them theory is the perfect example. It's practical and you can use it right away. And it can really change your life in big ways. Yeah, it really is. It sets the stage for a more powerful way of living. And that's where let me comes in. Okay, so let's get into that let me. What does it even mean?
Let me is all about reclaiming your power, you know, your power to choose how you react to everything around you. It's about recognizing that you can't control what happens outside of you. how other people act but you can control your own thoughts and actions and reactions so it's not about being passive we're letting people walk all over you but it's about consciously deciding how you show up Right. It's about realizing that true freedom comes from what you can control.
The author talks about this in her own life, you know. She realized that she was putting so much energy into trying to make her son a certain way. Yeah. That she forgot to see him for who he really was. Like the prom story. She was so worried about how things would look that she wasn't really there with her son. Exactly. And when she decided to let him have his own experience.
She could relax and actually enjoy herself. She found her own joy by letting go of the need to control his experience. So let them makes room for let me by letting go of the need to control other people.
we can truly be ourselves. It all works together. And there's research that supports this idea, too. Studies have found that when we focus on what we can control, we have less stress, we feel better, and our relationships even improve. Makes sense. When we're always trying to control things we can't.
It's exhausting. Yeah. No wonder we're stressed and tired. Yeah. That's where let me comes in. It's about turning that energy inwards towards ourselves. It's about asking yourself, what do I want? What brings me joy? What are my values? And then acting on those answers. So how does this work in real life? How can we practice let me? One way is to set healthy boundaries. It's about being okay with saying no to things that drain you.
or that don't fit with your values. It's about protecting your time so you can focus on what matters to you. That's a big one for me. I'm such a people pleaser. Setting boundaries is something I have to work at. It's so easy to want to make everyone happy that I forget about myself.
Hang tight. We'll be back right after this short break. See you in a sec. Thanks for waiting. Let's pick up where we left off. Yeah, a lot of people struggle with that. But remember, saying no to something that doesn't serve you is like saying yes. to yourself and to what you truly value. Another big part of let me is self-care. And I don't just mean bubble baths, although those are nice. I mean taking care of yourself physically, emotionally, and mentally.
This reminds me of the melting ice cube. We only have so much time. Why not spend it doing things that make us feel good? Exactly. It's about being mindful with your time and energy. Are you doing things that make you happy? Are you around people who lift you up? Are you taking care of your body and mind? Those are great questions for our listeners to think about. What are some small things they can do today to start practicing?
Let me. Well, you can start by paying attention to how you talk to yourself. Are you always putting yourself down? Focusing on your flaws? If so, try to be kinder to yourself. Talk to yourself like you'd talk to a good friend. I love that. It's so easy to be hard on ourselves. But we deserve to be treated with kindness, too. Absolutely. And another small thing you can do is to make time for things that bring you joy. Even if it's just for a few minutes.
Read, listen to music, go for a walk, anything that makes you happy. Those are great tips. It's amazing how little changes can make such a big difference. It really is. And the more you practice let them and let me, the easier it gets. It's like working out a muscle. The more you use it, the stronger it gets.
You know, curious, the author talks about her own experience with this theory. What were some of the biggest changes for her when she started using these ideas? Well, she says she feels a lot less stressed and anxious. She was able to let go of things she couldn't control. which gave her more energy for things that really matter. Her relationships also got better because she stopped trying to change people.
Or make them fit into her expectations. That's amazing. It shows that this isn't just some theory. It's a real way to live a happier life. It really is. And she says it's a journey. You're going to slip up and fall back into old habits sometimes. But that's okay. thing is to notice it and gently bring yourself back to let them and let me the dance right
We learn the steps, we practice, we mess up, we get back up, and we keep dancing. And over time, we get better and more confident. Exactly. It's a journey of figuring out who you are and growing. And the rewards are huge. I'm so glad we're talking about this. It's giving you so much to think about. Me too. It's always inspiring to talk about these ideas and see how they can help us with life's ups and downs. So for our listeners who are ready to embrace the let them theory.
What's one important thing they should keep in mind? The most important thing is this. You get to choose how you react to the world around you. You can't control everything, but you can control your own thoughts, your own actions, your own reactions. And when you choose let them and let me, you open up a whole world of freedom and joy and possibility.
What a beautiful message. And on that note, we're wrapping up another amazing episode of The Messy Podcast. Don't forget to visit us at themessypodcast.com. You can become a member and support the show there. Plus, you'll discover all our other podcasts on books and Netflix shows.
have some really fascinating biographies you can check out. We're still in the middle of season one, The Let Them Theory. So be sure to join us next time as we continue to explore this life-changing approach. Until then, keep your minds messy and your hearts open.