#387 - 7 Things I Do When Life Feels Chaotic

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Hey there, you're listening to the Lazy Genius Podcast. I'm Kendra Adachi, and I'm here to help you be a genius about the things that matter and lazy about the things that don't. Today is episode 387, Seven Things I Do. when life feels chaotic. Y'all, how we doing? Are we reading the plan?

I hope that if you ordered it, thank you, that you're also taking the time to actually read it. I wrote it not to sell books, but to create a resource that will help you. So even if you bought it because you like me, I like you back and I want you to. actually read it. So give it even five minutes today if you're able so that you can start to experience the benefit of compassionate time management in a more real way. It really will change your life. Now that said, even the most...

compassionate time management practices. They will not make chaos go away. In fact, compassionate time management just helps us feel more calm in the chaotic storms that life will always throw at us. Remember our new goal. It's integration. It's wholeness. It's being who we are, where we are, no matter what is happening around us. When our approach to time management is independent of our circumstances, it's freeing.

But it's also like, it's a little counterintuitive, right? Like sometimes we're stuck in the chaos and we're like, wait a minute. I thought these principles were supposed to make this better. Correction. They help you engage in your chaos with more kindness and intention. But you can't always control the chaos. So when it hits, it's nice to have some things that you can automatically go to that help you stay grounded and whole and very much yourself when life feels chaotic.

Now, as with many things, I think it's a lot to expect that there are universal choices that everyone should do when life feels chaotic. We're all too different.

We live in different places. We have different seasons of life that we're in, different priorities, different personalities. What works for me won't necessarily work for you. But as is true with our quarterly What's Saving My Life episodes, Anytime I share what I do on the podcast, and even when your friends share their own approaches to certain challenges in their life, hearing what someone else does, it helps you see what you could do.

You might realize you already have like three or four things that you regularly lean on when life feels chaotic and recognizing those, it will help create even more intention when you use them. Now, other people's lists. They do help you create your own. And that is the purpose of me sharing mine today. So it's not so that you copy what I do, but so you can more clearly see what might be helpful for you. So these are the seven things that I do when life feels chaotic. Number one.

I take deep breaths. I feel like breathing has become like such an annoying thing we talk about. It's almost like a comical fallback answer for any problem. If you just breathe, guys, everything will be okay. I'm not sure that's true, but deep breaths sure do help. My brain is full of chaos pretty much at all times. So it's easy for me to go from go mode to panic mode. I like...

pull out the container of chicken from the fridge to make a quick dinner before everyone has to like get to all their things. And the chicken package has leaked and chicken juice goes everywhere. And in that stress. My brain believes that we are under attack and it's time to take arms, man the post and fire. Like survival is the only thing in sight. Deep breaths make that energy chill out a bit.

Y'all, this literally happened yesterday. The chicken juices went everywhere. And for the quickest second, I went into like mean go mode, into everything sucks mode, into why am I always the one who has to clean up everything mode? But then I took three deep breaths as I stared at the trail of chicken juice. And I said to myself, this is fine. We can stay kind. Yes, this is not fun, but not for very long.

And you cook dinner, Kendra, because that's an area that you chose to carry because you like cooking and are better at it than cause is. So everything is not the worst and you're going to be fine. And then I cleaned up the chicken juice and I kept making dinner. And it took like 60 seconds out of the time, you know? So deep breaths for me are crucial to helping me like...

access the sensible kind version of myself that's in there. She's not pushy though. She's not pushy. The Hulk mom part of me is pushy. The Hulk mom part of me will push compassionate Kendra out of the way in no time. So breathing helps. Like, common sense, chilled out Kendra. Come to the front of the line a little bit for me.

I catch myself taking deep breaths all the time when I'm planning the week, when I'm helping ornery kids with homework, when I'm trying to answer like three kids questions at once, when I'm running late for a podcast interview because the tile guy had a question, when I look at a dirty kitchen.

Like I am seriously taking intentional deep breaths all the time to help me stay calm, centered, rational, and kind. If any of these things I'm about to list, these seven things are universal, it's this one. But man, oh man, is it important for me? All right, number two is smiling. Smiling is my favorite. Sorry, had to do it. Smiling is definitely one of the things that I do when life feels chaotic. Bonus points for laughing. Y'all, laughing...

reduces stressful cortisol. It releases delightful endorphins. And it even increases like our oxygen intake, which is great for our blood flow and heart. Smiling and laughing. Smiling is easier to come by than laughter. But once you smile, laughing is so close. And laughing has got your back. It just makes things feel better. Even life's regular chaos. Now, fortunately, I have three very funny children.

They are all hilarious. They are always cracking their own unique style of joke. And then I have a husband who is the poster child for dad jokes. We love to laugh in our family. And I'm probably not far. from someone being near me that's going to make it happen but if i'm cranky it makes the whole family cranky it's not that i have to lie when i'm stressed out but i can also

I can also try and access smiling when I'm feeling overwhelmed and chaotic. And that really does impact the mood of the whole group. When I'm not in the depths of despair, it helps us all be closer to a laugh. And even though I think you know this, I'm not saying that you laugh as a way to ignore or repress hard things. Like in our family, we are very open about life and all it throws our way. Frederick Buechner said, here's the world.

Beautiful and terrible things will happen. Don't be afraid. And I think when we hold the beautiful and the terrible together, when we know that the baseline of life is often chaos that we can't control, we just have a different posture towards it. And for me, that posture isn't fully realized without smiling and laughter. To me, laughter is hope. When you're looking to hire someone quickly, don't mess around with candidates who look decent on paper but don't really have what it takes.

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Okay, number three, I listen to music. When life feels chaotic, music is a huge help to me. That's not rocket science, but it's still true. It still belongs on the list. However, I have noticed something in the last few months about the type of music I choose to listen to. So I love sad songs. Jamie Golden makes fun of me all the time for it. I love a sad guy.

I love an angry lady. I love people who just woke up from a nap, like singing in unison about like a weird dream they had that makes you feel like taking a nap yourself. But when life feels chaotic, I have found that I need a different style to help me exist in the chaos without drowning in it. Sometimes that's dance music, like upbeat pop music, but most...

recently and more consistently. Y'all, it is show tunes. The other day I was feeling so overwhelmed. Oh my goodness. The chaos of the week before had just taken me out. And I could, like, I just couldn't seem to recover. My energy was tough. Like I was extra tired. probably extra hormonal, just extra. Now in the past, when I would open my Spotify app, I would choose someone like Phoebe Bridgers or Noah Gunderson, without question, two of the most depressing singers making music today.

Beautiful voices, sometimes catchy tunes, but all in all, just like a super sad time. Now, I love listening to that kind of music on like a long drive by myself that recently... That music is not for me when life feels chaotic. And I'm trying to get what matters done while also honoring myself, right? That music just almost makes it worse. So the other day...

It was a few weeks ago, I made a different choice. And a choice that I have made a number of times the last few weeks. And it was to play the soundtrack of the original Broadway cast, not the movie version, of Into the Woods. by Stephen Sondheim. I was the baker's wife in my high school's production of Into the Woods, and I'm still obsessed with the show. It immediately teleports me back to that incredibly happy time. It's so fun to sing.

It has nothing to do with chicken juice on the floor, right? And it helps me feel like myself when things get chaotic. My kids think I'm insane when I'm singing all the parts of Your Fault at full volume.

But it wasn't my fault. I was given those beans. You persuaded me to trade away my count for beans. And without those beans, I don't get no stock to get up to the giant in the first place. Wait a minute, magic bean. I won't keep going. They think I'm insane. You might too. But I like don't care. I sing it at full volume, even right now. Even thinking about it now makes me happy. So find yourself your own version of Into the Woods. Maybe there's a show tune out there for you. Okay, number four.

When life feels chaotic, I try not to be completely lazy about food. Making all the meals is such a drag. And it's a big reason why life for most of us feels consistently chaotic, right? We keep having to eat. I have a lot of things in place that make food easier for us. We mostly eat brainless crowd pleasers that don't require much effort for me. And for the most part, everybody likes them fine.

We don't set the table. We just serve from the stove and we like take our bowls or plates to our seats. We mix plastic dishes with glass dishes. The table is not very cute at any given time. We have rhythms for grocery shopping and meal planning and all of it. Some of which might be kind of on the lazier side of things, which I'm great with. But on days that feel extra chaotic or if inside myself, I feel extra chaotic.

I try and not be completely lazy about food. Now, we still do. We still have full lazy days. We order pizza and let everyone just eat wherever they want. They can watch their own screen while they eat. And while those days are necessary sometimes, it's not my favorite default because it doesn't fill me up. It doesn't change the feeling of the chaos, right? It just pauses it for a minute.

Now, that might not be true of everyone, okay? It is for me though. So even on a day where I am making spaghetti from a jar with freezer meatballs, which honestly is at least every other week. And I play music during dinner or I intentionally look my kids in the eye and smile at them when we sit down. I might make like...

buttery toast to go with the spaghetti to give us something to share and enjoy. It's just really important for me to not go full lazy on food on super chaotic days. Otherwise, I and my family actually. Like we miss out on some of the things that the table offers by giving it just the tiniest bit of genius energy. Okay, number five. Number five is weird because it definitely feels like a paradox.

But it's either, maybe it's not a paradox. Maybe I don't fully understand the definition of that word. But it's like conflicting. And it is either to sit still or to move. Like both are great. And both. Help me when life feels chaotic. Moving to get your stuff done, to me, is not the same as moving to reset my brain, right? Going for a walk outside with music.

Or reading a book on the gym treadmill. Those two things, they do different things to my body and brain than just like scampering around the house, tending to chores and humans and responsibilities. Isn't that weird? Don't you feel that way? Like some days I feel like I have not stopped moving, but it's...

It's a different type of moving, right? Than that non-productive moving. The same is true for sitting still. I sit at my desk a lot to work on this podcast, to do this job, but sitting for that and sitting...

just on my couch to like just exist, those two kinds of sitting feel very different. It's really kind of a weird thing when you think about it. Maybe it's the combination of what your brain and your body are doing, but either way, sitting still... or moving in a way that is life-giving and either restful, like actively restful or actively rejuvenating is a... Like massive help in that chaos. Number six, I seek solidarity.

When life is chaotic, I will text my husband or my sister or a friend and I'll just say what I'm feeling. I'm like, I am so tired. Holy moly. I have so many children. Why are there so many children? Or should I quit my job? Want to move to Maine with me? I've texted Emily P. Freeman that several times. Those kinds of texts are like a treasure hunt for solidarity, for inviting someone into the chaos with you. Being in chaos alone is often our lot.

Most of us don't live with friends who are our natural comrades in the season of life, right? They're not next door. But our phones, our phones are a delight in making us closer than we might have been. When I seek solidarity in the chaos with a Vox or a text or a call, I feel less alone. And because I have pretty funny friends, the response almost always makes me laugh, which, you know, C number two on this list.

Finally, number seven, I go to bed in a pleasant way. Now, I frame it that way because it's not always that I go to bed early or go to bed late or that I even do specific things. When life feels chaotic, being intentional about pleasantly going to bed makes a huge difference for me. So that might mean...

getting ready for bed super early when Annie is getting ready, which is honestly what I usually do unless I have like a meeting at night or I'm going to the gym after she goes to bed, something like that. And then like close to nine. I get into my actual bed with a book. Now I might not fall asleep for an hour or two, or I might fall asleep right away, but I'm in a pleasant place doing a pleasant thing.

I think that for some people, myself included, tying the success of a bedtime routine to the time I go to bed, to the actual time on the clock, it feels too micromanaging. It verges on making me feel like I'm doing something wrong because I'm going to bed at 11 o'clock instead of 9.30 like I'm supposed to. But really, the process is pleasant. And whatever time I actually go to sleep is... less relevant than that I'm doing something that is pleasant.

And those are the seven things I do when life feels chaotic. I take deep breaths a lot. I smile and I laugh. I listen to show tunes. I try to not be full-on lazy about food because I like a little genius thrown in there. It's actually really good for my soul. I sit still or I move. but in a way that is like actively restful or actively rejuvenating, I seek solidarity and I go to bed in a pleasant way. I hope that this list helps you name yours.

All right, before we go, let's celebrate the lazy genius of the week. This week, it's Jennifer Winfield. Jennifer writes, I have very little space for my skin and hair care products in my bathroom. After struggling for months, it finally occurred to me that I could put my rarely used travel containers to use every day by filling them with my products. Now they take up less than half the space and I keep my full-size products in a nearby closet for easy refills.

A bonus is that when I do travel, my skin and hair care is already set to go. Y'all, that last part, when I read that, it blew my mind. This is such a great idea. And I'm obsessed with being able to just grab like all your daily products from where you always use them when you travel. Golly, that is so smart. Now, if you do the decanting thing and the more frequent refilling thing,

that might actually interfere with what matters to you, right? And so obviously this is not a tip that's gonna work for you. But if space matters, if travel ease matters, man, this is a great idea. So thank you for sharing, Jennifer, and congratulations on being the Lazy Genius of the Week.

This episode is hosted by me, Kendra Adachi, an executive produced by Kendra Adachi, Jenna Fisher, and Angela Kinsey. The Lazy Genius Podcast is enthusiastically part of the Office Ladies Network. Special thanks to Leah Jarvis for weekly production. Thanks y'all for listening. And until next time, be a genius about the things that matter and lazy about the things that don't. I'm Kendra and I'll see you next week.

I'm Sarah Austin Janess, The Moth's executive producer and longtime host of The Moth Podcast. Every week, we share true stories told live and without notes by real people from all walks of life. Stories about disastrous haircuts may disappear.

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