#384 - 3 Time Management Shifts That Will Change Your Life

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Today is episode 384, three time management shifts that will change your life. I've been doing a lot of interviews recently since I have a book coming out in two weeks. And a lot of the questions are understandably connected to the things that we could or should be doing to have a better day. What are the routines, the tasks, the hacks?

that can get us to a place where we feel like we're not underwater all the time? Well, the most accurate answer is that those aren't the questions we should be asking. We really need a huge paradigm shift in this area. And today I want to focus on aspects of time management that we have been getting wrong. So my oldest kid loves the show Shark Tank.

And we were watching an episode the other night where a guy who owned like a vegan snack brand was trying to get a Sharks investment. And in making his case, he shared with him his dedication. to the business. And he said something like, I work hard. When I had a meeting with the people from 7-Eleven to get my snacks in their stores, I got on a plane to meet them just a few hours after my wife gave birth to our baby.

And the five sharks were nodding and smiling and said things like, yes, I admire the hustle. That's what it takes. Now, maybe that is what it takes to build a multimillion dollar company. Maybe that's what it takes to be an Olympic athlete or somebody who's about to win the Nobel Peace Prize. I'm not one of those people, so I don't know. But I do know that that energy is not good for most people.

Now, to be fair, I'm not trying to build like a huge snack brand or married to someone who is. So it's not fair to assume how I would feel about my husband getting on a plane four hours after I had our baby. But I do have a pretty good guess. I don't think I'd love it. And frankly, I don't think vegan snack guy or his wife did either. You know, sometimes we have to make sacrifices and compromises to reach a goal. And that's okay.

Sometimes we have a chance of a lifetime that intersects with our regular life and we have to make a hard call. I don't think that snack guy was excited to leave his wife and his freshly born baby. I don't think that was an easy decision for him or that she was like all for him getting on the plane in the purest way. It was hard. I have no doubt about that. But maybe, just maybe.

The majority of people do not want to support the kind of life that requires that kind of decision on a regular basis. The energy of doing whatever it takes is currently the rule. In our culture. But I believe it should be the exception. Doing whatever it takes to reach a goal. To be the best. to succeed, to make a lot of money, to optimize your life, to have it all together, to be more impressive to the people around you. That, in my opinion, is not sustainable for most people. Nor is it...

really what I think a lot of people actually want? I mean, maybe. I don't know. The problem is that most people who live in a capitalistic Western society have been taught That that is what we should want. Americans specifically are taught to dream, to reach, to try, to hustle, to not give up, to believe in the power of possibility. That is literally the American dream.

And I actually think all of those are great and even necessary and have their place. But when they are metaphorically in the air we breathe, when they are treated as the mainstay of our lives. They become the engine of our decisions. Trying, hustle, reaching, potential, all of those become the force of our day. even if they are exhausting, unsustainable, or maybe even unwanted.

There are definitely seasons of hustle and compromise and having to get on a plane four hours after a baby is born. I'm not saying that that action itself is bad. I'm simply illuminating the idea that perhaps...

Living a life of hustle as a default is not as beneficial to us as we have previously thought. So these are three time management shifts that I believe will change your life. especially if you resonate with me and Lazy Genius content in general. If you don't, you might not agree with this list, but you're probably not listening anyway.

There are podcasts out there for all of us and all the ways are perfectly fine. But I want to offer a different one in case this is what you have been looking for. So here are three time management shifts. that I believe will change your life. Number one, you don't have to be the master of anything. Now I'm not saying don't be the master of anything. I'm just saying you don't have to be.

Some personalities are suited for the pursuit of excellence. Some jobs require it. Some people genuinely just love it. Trying to master something is a beautiful thing. There are books about it. inspirational masters talking about their own processes. All of it is awesome. But there's an expectation that all of us should have that same pursuit. That if you're not seeking to master something, that you're wasting your life.

Or that you're just lazy. There's one of our mainstay words in our lazy cheeky squirrel that can be treated pretty harshly. If contentment is the opposite of mastery. I just don't see how that's bad. Now, if every single person was content with contentment, there might not be things like vaccines and water filtration systems and works of literature or art that move you to tears. I mean, I've seen the David in real life. I wept. It is absolutely masterful.

I am glad there are people who seek to master something. It makes the world amazing for everyone else. But just because you are not a master of something. It doesn't mean you aren't offering your own kind of beauty to the world wherever you are.

You might not be able to write an expert book about having conversations with your kid, but you do. You do have conversations with your kid. You ask him how he's doing. You listen when he talks to you. You sit with him on the couch and throw the ball in the yard and you know what his favorite snack is. You haven't mastered parenting because that's hilarious. No one has. But you're with your kid. Do you see the energetic difference?

If you spend so much time learning how to parent from other experts in an attempt to parenting rather than learning how to parent by parenting or reading occasionally books, but being kind to yourself when you don't follow them or when you think about it in your own season and what works for you. If you focus on the mastery, you're probably going to miss out on some pretty great experiences with your kid.

Now hear me, hear me. I'm not saying you shouldn't try and learn or get better at things you care about. Remember, you can be a genius about the things that matter to you. Full permission and invitation to do that. But this idea that you have to master everything is about control. To us, the regular non-scientist, non-actual genius people,

The message of mastery is coded with a thick layer of greatness. And that is not required in order to be a human and live a fulfilling, contented life. You don't have to be. the master of anything. This podcast is brought to you by Squarespace, the all in one website platform that helps you stand out and succeed online.

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10% off your canopy purchase. Your skin will thank you. Number two, you're allowed to start where you are. I have read so many time management books over the years. I have so many planners. I have gone into so many Januaries fiercely optimistic about what I was going to make better. what I was going to accomplish, what I was going to work toward because the future was bright. But just like we have an unbalanced obsession with mastery, we have an unbalanced obsession with the future. It is good.

To care about the future, to plan for it and look forward to it and take some steps now to ensure it looks a certain way to the best of your ability. Of course, that is a good thing. I love the future. Hear the shift statement again. You're allowed to start where you are. It's not that you have to choose either the future or now to the exclusion of the other. What I'm offering is that you're allowed to start where you are. You're allowed to focus only on today without...

any consideration of the future. You can make decisions today. You can do things today that only serve today and not later on. Not every choice or task or habit has to be in service to your future dreams. Now they can, they can, but they don't have to. I remember feeling... The difficulty of this in my early 30s when I had two tiny kids, I was in my peak time management era trying to get every bit of information I could on how to build a beautiful life. I was trying to be a master. At the time.

There was a lot focused in all those books and stuff on essentially like being the architect of your own future. You know, you are in control and kind of like saving money over time. The longer you spend working toward a future goal, the more payoff you're going to get. And to a point, I actually think that's true. You know, long haul work is important and fruitful. And I think there's a time and a place for that kind of thinking.

But in my own mind, the future life I was trying to build was about looking a certain way, having a certain amount of money, having a particular list of experiences that I can point to, having kids that would grow up and think I was the greatest mother to ever live. And all of those future things were happening today. Every single choice that I made today impacted my body, my bank account, my memories, and my legacy.

And it felt like so much pressure because it was, it is. Plus all those future things I was trying to control, they were about me, about what I had, what I looked like, what people thought of me. They also had me so preoccupied with my time that I tried to control it more than just live it. That's what I mean.

The future is beautiful and matters and you can plan for things that live there in the future. But you know what this preoccupation feels like. You know what this grasp for control feels like. You know what that sense of inadequacy feels like. All of that comes from a focus on an invisible future we cannot control. And that is... in many ways, shaped by what culture says is important and what the future should be, not on what we truly want.

And when we become so preoccupied with that invisible future, guess what we miss? We miss today. We miss where we are. We don't enjoy where we are. We're not kind where we are. We don't release some of our choices into today because they're suited. for today, more than suited for this building block in the future. And then we beat ourselves up about it. We have been bossed into thinking that today doesn't matter unless it's part of something bigger. And I just don't agree with that.

Not for everyone, at least. Now, the pushback here is that you have a long string of today's where you just let everything go. And if you do that, you're never going to get anywhere. And at some point, like only focusing on today becomes unwise or undisciplined. I've made that argument myself. And while I can see some truth in it, I think that starting to draw a line in the sand.

of like how long are you able to focus on today before you're actually sacrificing the future. I think drawing that line in the sand, it creates an us and them mentality in a place where we do not need one. There are so many people who are not normative thinkers, who struggle with mental illness, who live with some kind of neurodivergency. who have trauma in their lives and are stuck underneath it, who have a chronic illness that impacts what they're able to do from day to day.

I have had friends who were so undone by their own depression that their houses were the kind that some folks would judge. Like, how could someone let it get this way? Why can't you just wash the dishes? What's so hard about this? You're just being lazy. I think even the kindest people sometimes think this when someone else's life looks so different from theirs.

We have been trained to see a certain way of living as normal and anything outside of that is seen as a problem. So if you feel a pushback at me about... talking about today and serving today, honoring today, I want us to instead explore what it would mean to have compassion for people who are struggling through today.

who can't figure out how to wash one dish, let alone an entire sink full. We don't know the stories and scenarios that lead people to a place where today is so desperate and all anyone can think about. And when we draw the line in the sand of what is and isn't okay in that regard, I think we ostracize people who need care and love and acceptance and help. Now part of me thinks, well, I would never let it get that far, right?

But I don't know what life will bring me. I don't know what kind of loss I could experience or injury I could suffer. I just don't know what the future holds. None of us do. And that's the point. You're allowed to start where you are, whether it's as obvious as figuring out food for just this meal rather than a huge meal plan, all the way to washing this one dish and being proud of yourself for doing it, even though there are 40 other ones still dirty in the sink.

We all need to start where we are. And I also don't want any of us to be the arbiters of where that starting place is. Let's just be kind to people, wherever they are, whatever they need. And the third time management shift.

that will change your life is that changed plans and changed minds are both natural parts of the process. The conveyor belt of productivity and time management has us rolling along at a steady pace, choosing what works now and what should work forever. And y'all, we don't need to live that way. You're allowed to change your mind. You're allowed to change your plans.

You're allowed to be spontaneous and not make a plan at all. In fact, I think a lot of us could benefit from a little planning detox where we just don't make plans in the ways that we normally do to show ourselves how capable and resilient we can be without them.

but also to show how little we have control over. That's one of the reasons I love the summer. Don't get me wrong. I hate mosquitoes and humidity and not being by myself ever, which is why summer is my least favorite season. But I do love a season of making... Way fewer lists than plans. My summer can look that way because of the season of life I'm in, you know, the age of my kids, the flexibility of my job, the flexibility of my husband's job.

I'm not saying summer is that way for everyone, but for me, summer is like a planning detox. Like some of you take a phone or an internet detox. It's not that you think those things are terrible and will never use them again. It's more about the reminder of what you're able to do when you let go a little, right? It's an awareness. It's noticing. Changed plans are just part of it.

They're part of the deal. Changing your mind is part of the deal. In fact, you've heard me say it often. Learning to pivot is more important than learning to plan. The more we practice the fluidity. and kindness in our time management, the more we're going to enjoy our time. I believe that in my bones. That's why I get so hot talking about this stuff. So the three time management shifts that will change your life.

You don't have to be the master of anything. You're allowed to start where you are. And changed minds and changed plans are part of the process. Accept them. Embrace them.

And live with more compassion and contentment. Now, if you're curious about what I'm talking about, but you also want like practical strategies on how to do this. My book, The Plan, comes out in two weeks. I cannot believe it's only two weeks away. I can't believe it. I'm legit freaking out about it. It's totally fine. It is unlike any time management book that is out there. It's kind.

compassionate, and it teaches you a new way to look at your time. Not only that, it does give you, I promise you, it gives you frameworks and lists and practical processes of how to apply this new paradigm to your life. I don't just say, hey, isn't this new way of thinking cool? Isn't this cool? And then just leave you out to dry. It is so practical. This book is so practical. I think you're going to love it.

Now, if you decide to order the book in the next couple of weeks, come back and tell us by filling out the pre-order form at thelazygeniuscollective.com slash theplan. When you put in your order information, we will automatically, as a thank you, send you access to a whole mess of... pep talks that I have been giving over email and via a private podcast feed. And those pep talks will continue every Monday through the end of 2024.

It's a lot. So if you need a little like three minute pep talk every Monday morning from me, pep talks that people have said creep them out because of how accurate the need is, go order the plan. in any format from any retailer, then go to our website and tell us via that pre-order form at thelazygeniuscollective.com slash the plan. And you'll get those pep talks automatically delivered to you through the end of 2020.

2024. So thank you for being so supportive of me and this message, y'all. It's genuinely been so much fun. Okay, before we go, let's celebrate the Lazy Genius of the week. This week, it's Melinda Mjargos.

Melinda, I said your last name so wrong and I'm so sorry. This is the best I could do. I'm so sorry. Melinda writes, we use, I love this idea. We use a monthly magnetic whiteboard calendar in our kitchen to keep track of upcoming family events and appointments. However, it was always a... problem when it got to the last week of the month because we couldn't see what was happening the following week because it was a new month.

Then one day my husband had the idea that we could take scissors and literally cut the magnetic whiteboard into strips for each week. Now, when each week ends, I erase the week that happened. Pull it off the fridge, shift all the other weeks up and add the blank week at the bottom and fill out what's happening on the new week that represents. No matter what day of the month it is, we can now always see four to five weeks in the future. What a fantastic idea, Melinda.

This is a simple fix to a real problem, but I also love that it's an example of how... We don't have to be so precious with our tools. You know, you can totally cut something up or use something differently or make something less pretty if it means making it work better for your life. So thank you for sharing, Melinda, and congratulations on being the Lacey Genius of the week.

If you'd like to be considered for the Lazy Genius of the Week, email us your idea at hello at thelazygeniuscollective.com This episode is hosted by me, Kendra Adachi, and executive produced by Kendra Adachi, Jenna Fisher, and Angela Kinsey. The Lazy Genius Podcast is enthusiastically part of the Office Ladies Network. Special thanks to Leah Jarvis for weekly production.

Thanks y'all for listening. And until next time, be a genius about the things that matter and lazy about the things that don't. I'm Kendra and I'll see you next week. I'm Sarah Austin Janess, The Moth's executive producer and longtime host of The Moth Podcast. Every week, we share true stories told live and without notes by real people from all walks of life. Stories about disastrous haircuts may disappear.

December romances, photographing Pluto, fighting for justice, and so much more. Some stories make you laugh, some make you think, and many stay with you long after they're told. Discover the power of story. Follow and listen to The Moth wherever you get your podcasts.