Ray Romano | The Late Snow

Welcome one and all to the late show. I'm your host, Stephen Colbert. Ladies and gentlemen, I tell you, I'll stand right here. I just I just I just gotta start tonight. By thanking everyone here in the Ed Sullivan Theater for braving a blizzard to be our audience. Yes. Give yourself a big hand and if you lost your hands to frostbite, thump those stumps.

Of course brave bravest of all might be me because this morning this is true, no vehicles were allowed in the streets. I walked to work, here's footage of my commute. That moment. I look angry, but that's when I saw that Duncan was closed. I actually I actually did get my phone camera out uh on my way into the office. Uh it was a lovely walk. I uh as you can see I took a shortcut through Narnia. Half man, half goat met me at a lamppost playing a panpipe.

I think it was a panpipe, could have been vaping. I don't know. I ate some Turkish delight. Anyway. Experts say this is shaping up to be an historic blizzard. As of this afternoon, there were almost 20 inches of snow in Central Park, making this a top 10 snowstorm for the city dating back to 1869. Eighteen sixty nine. These people know, these people know, 1869 was a rough one for New York. Snow removal back then was just gangs of Irish street urshans with wooden spoons.

Storm is so bad. The storm's so bad that Mayor Mamdani announced a snow day for students with no remote learning. Yeah. Old school. That's old school. Though to be fair, Zoom school also features no remote learning. Parents understand that one. It's not just here in New York, all over the Northeast. Folks are dealing with windy, snowy conditions that meteorologists are calling a snow a cane.

Of course, snow cane also a popular drug that's half cocaine, half more cocaine. Last night, last night, that's pretty. Last night we even got something called thunder snow. Oh I love I love I love Thundersnow. I saw them open for Whitesnake in 1986. They played their hit. She was parenthesis sticky like a lollipop. They didn't last long as a band because of all the uh

Snow cane. As of this morning, six hundred and thirteen thousand customers were without power across twelve states according to poweroutage.us. Which is a great website. You can always see if you've got power or not. As long As long as we've got power.

Yesterday the Olympics wrapped up in Milan and it was a thrilling closing day for the United States because the US men's hockey team beat Canada to win their first gold medal since 1980. Yeah! Boom! Yeah, that's right. That's right. That is right, several people. In your polite face, Canada. We'd beat you at hockey. That's your whole thing. That'll be like you beating us at squandering our international goodwill.

Nobody outdoes it. No one outpizes the us. It was an exciting win for a young American team that wasn't supposed to be able to take on Canada, which which ended with this beautiful goal in overtime. Wash a cross it comes. Jack Hughes wins it! The golden goal for the United States! That is fantastic. That was movie, that was so beautiful, but also why is it always gotta be sex with these hockey guys? They had to shoot him from up here.

And get this, Jack Hughes, okay, the player who scored the winning goal, is only 24. He's so young, he doesn't even have all his teeth yet. Good family joke. Quality family. Family joke. Family monologue tonight. There were tons of other thrilling moments from our Olympians. The women's hockey team also crushed Canada in overtime. In figure skating, the most joyful person you've ever seen. Alyssa Liu rocketed a gold with a jaw-dropping program. And when she finished, she had this to say.

Yeah! That's what we're all talking about! I am this close to dyeing stripes in my hair and getting whatever that gum piercing is, unless it hurts, in which case just the stripes.

That wasn't the only victory for America. On Friday, the Supreme Court struck down Donald Trump's tell. Now that's what I'm f***ing talking about! Thank you. Justices, you've done something truly historic. You've made people go woohoo about tariffs. It was a 6-3, it was a 6 3 ruling, right? It was a 6 3 ruling.

Uh along partisan not partisan, really douchebag lines with the descent from Alito, Thomas, and Kavanaugh, or as they're known by their morning DJ names, Flagman, Mr. RV, and the booth crew. The majority opinion, uh the majority opinion was written by Chief Justice. And full grown adult of the corn, John Roberts. In it, Roberts smacked Trump down, writing the president asserts the extraordinary power to unilaterally impose tariffs of unlimited amount, duration, and scope.

He must identify clear congressional authorization to exercise it. You hear that? Do you hear that, Mr. President? Your tariffs are so illegal. The Supreme Court just ordered you to exercise. Kid Rock, make some room in that sauna. That'd be fun. Trump was not uh thrilled. With the court's decision.

Uh right afterwards he dropped a post longer than the unibombers user agreement. In his screed, Trump won after the majority justices calling them fools and lapdogs for the rhinos and radical left Democrats. Who have been swayed by foreign interests. Yes. And Trump has been very clear, he will not be swayed by foreign interests, only by foreign golden plane, foreign golden crown, and foreign golden FIFA Peace Prize. Trump was so angry. He was so miffed.

Ruffled. He immediately imposed a blanket 10% tariff on all foreign trading partners. Then, because he woke up feeling cranky on Saturday, he raised it to 15%. 15% on anything imported from another country. So get ready to look for great deals on American-made products like single origin coffee from Newark. I think those are coffee beans.

Trump's feelings were so big hurt after the ruling, he had to call a press conference just to, you know, to cry it out. And he decided to set the mood. For reference, the press room usually looks like this. But Trump changed it to the whoa. Purple background and purple tie. Is this a press conference or a Prince album cover? Purple hand? I only want some me For my purple hat. At the press conference, Trump assured us that everyone he meets loves terror.

Especially especially guys who don't exist, like this weird story. I made a speech at a factory. They made steel products and I said uh how are you? Nice to meet you. How's business? President. I'd love to kiss you. This is a very powerful man. I don't want to be kissed by that man. But a very powerful, strong man. He said, Sir, I want to kiss you.

He said, Sir, I want to kiss you so badly. And I said, no, thank you. It seems Trump's whole strong man tears in his eyes stories have reached their fanfic phase. Very powerful guy. Very powerful guy. Brilliant scientist comes up to me and says, President, I'd love to kiss you and I say, No thank you. And he gets so angry he turns green and says Hulk kiss and olives closed.

All his clothes come off, but his pants stay on. But they become jean shorts and the waist adjust in size. Don't think about it too much. Anyway We ended up making out. Just a reminder, tomorrow is the State of the Union and the late show will be live for that. That'll be our last live show. I got something. I got something.

Join us, won't you? Thanks to this ruling, it's gonna be uh a little awkward because traditionally the Supreme Court justices sit right there in the front row in what uh historians call the splash zone. And i i this is a situation Trump was asked about. Are they still invited to your State of the Union next week? And will you still speak with them? They are invited, barely.

Barely. Three are happily invited. No, no. They're barely they're barely invited. Honestly, I couldn't care less if they come. How do you barely invite someone? Ted and Leanne Naughton barely request your presence at the wedding of their daughter. Honestly, they couldn't care less if you come. Please select chicken, fish. We got a great show for you tonight.

Ladies and gentlemen, ladies and germs, we have about three months left before the late show has to leave the historic Ed Sullivan Theater. I know I feel the just the same way, but I'll tell you folks.

Just like our beloved sponsor, Sharman, I intend to enjoy the go. And to get a little bit of a head start on cleaning out the theater here, we decided to sell some of our great late show props and wardrobe and donate all those proceeds to Jose Andres World Central Kitchen, an organization that helps speed. During times of crisis. It's an incredible group of people. Now, to do that, we've started a home shopping segment where I've auctioned off items with guests like.

Paul Rudd, as well as his butt double John Oliver, who agreed to come on the show dressed as a pimp from Candyland and Tonight we're adding more late show memorabilia to our auction site at Colbert Lateshow dot com slash ebay or go to that QR code right there. Great new items are out there, including multiple suits that I have worn on this show, signed by me, as well as a beautiful blue jacket worn by Laura Benanti when she played Melania, signed by Laura.

And we also have this full-size costume of a giant living pint of my Ben and Jerry's ice cream flavor, Americone Dream. And... A super villain costume that we had especially made for acclaimed actor, Steve Buscemi. What's his superpower? Knowing that it's actually pronounced Busemi. So check it out and bid for a good cause because so far we have raised Joseph please. $304,411.85, ladies. And tonight. And tonight.

And tonight, my friends, you are my friends. Tonight I'm proud to announce that I, Stephen Colbert, will personally be making under donation. To bring that total up to$304,412. All part. All part of my long-running commitment to not make charities deal with nickels. Ha ha ha. No, one of the items on our most recent auction was very special to me. It was it was a rug that I personally donated.

And a few weeks back I even brought it on the Seth Myers Power Hour over on NBC to tell the story of how I got it. Now I know my audience would never watch a show on another network, so I'll I'll tell you again. I was on a trip to D C a few years back riding a segue around Capitol Hill.

And I got to speak with uh Arizona Senator Jeff Flake, a Republican, who could not have been nicer to me and even made the mistake of letting me into his office, which is where I first laid eyes on the rug. Let's take a look. Why'd they give you such a small rug? There's not even

There's not even room for the unum on the pleuribus here. You know, often that's what you get when you're a freshman, I guess. Do you get to keep the rug? Afraid not. This has to stay behind you. This does. So if I took it with me today, that would be a problem. Big problem. Yes, that's right. Yes, that was a federal crime, but to anyone who says crime doesn't pay, I'll have you know this rug right here brought in over ten thousand dollars for World Central Kitchen and

I hold my hand. The winning bid. The winning bid came from someone named Jeff F from Arizona. Congratulations, Jeff. Thanks, Stephen. What? Thanks. Former Senator Jeff Flake. Sand in the place, have a seat. Oh my goodness. This is true. This is true. The winning bid from Jeff Flake, you won the charity auction for the rug? I did.

I had no choice, Steven. That rug really tied the room together. You're a good man. Thank you for your generous donation to World Central Kitchen. And uh, you know, while I got you here, um you're a former senator. How's retirement? You're about to find out. Anything anything good you can say about it? Oh yes, yes. I get to spend a lot less time thinking about or talking about Donald Trump. That sounds like paradise.

Ladies and gentlemen, I encourage all of you, former senators or not, to head to Colbert Lateshow.com slash eBay or use this QR code right over here to bid on great items for a great cause. Sir, it is my honor to return your rug. Senator Jeff Blake and his stolen rug, everybody. Thank you, Senator. Thank you. There you go! We'll be right back with Ray Romano!

Hey, welcome back. Ladies and gentlemen, my first guest is an Emmy Award-winning comedian you know is Ray from Everybody Loves Raymond. He's now making his Broadway debut in the new show, All Out. Comedy about ambition, please welcome to the late show Ray Romano. So nice to have you on. We've met before, but I've never had a chance to talk to you before. We met at the Kennedy Center Honors 15.

Was it who was that? Was that for Dave? That was for Letterman, yeah. That was a special night. Yes, yeah, that was great. Yeah, that this is my first time. I'm glad I got it. Well welcome back. Obviously you've been to the Ed Sullivan many times with on with Letterman. And uh it's a really special place, isn't it? I mean this this that Spot right there.

Changed my life. I can say honestly, I a lot of people don't know this, but I did my first stand-up here in nine 1995. Yes. That's what I wore. You are. Yeah. Haven't changed at all. I if you can imagine uh I got success out of wearing this outfit, but But what people a lot of people don't know is that after I did my stand up

Uh Letter Dave Letterman's company, World White Pants, signed me to a development deal. After that one appearance. Yes. They called me. I went home. I had been doing stand-up for eleven years. I had done all the shows. And at that time they were a lot of comics were getting show you know, uh Seinfeld, uh Roseanne, Tim Allen. And I had done all the shows and I thought, yeah, maybe I'll get s some kind of offer. And and I also was

six months before that fired from News Radio. I don't know if you remember the show. That's fine. Yeah. I got cast at News Radio and on day two they fired me. Um yeah, I know, that's not that funny, but okay. It turned out okay because a couple months later I did my first spot and and I went home. I was living in Queens with my wife and three kids. And on that Saturday, Rob Burnett, you know Rob Burnett, he called my house. My wife came out and said, Rob Burnett's on the phone.

It was a Saturday. I had t twin two year olds. I was in the back, you know, hosing them off the fence or whatever I was doing. And he said we want to offer you a development deal to try to come up with a show and that show became Everybody Loves Raymond. That's pretty good. Undertekster av Ai-Media

Uh it's an emotional thing to be back in this theater. I haven't been back since Dave. Yeah. Yeah. Listen, I I don't often get jealous of people who are my guests, but I'm jealous that you went on Carson because that's that's Truly like Olympia. What was that? What was that like? Uh that was o awesome. That was November fifteenth, nineteen ninety one. Of course I'll never forget that date. And as a comic then, that's the pinnacle. That's yeah. Um and it was I actually

You know, I was living in again, living in Queens. We came out to LA. And you've only been doing it for about f uh seven years. At that time, uh yeah, yeah, about seven years. I could do math. And which is relatively not a lot in stand up, you know. I mean it takes you a c a couple of years just to get going. And uh We I I was in the hotel and my manager said, Go get ready and I went in I went to a hotel and I took a shower.

And I realized this is the shower I'm taking to be on Johnny Carson. And I I I I felt numb. I felt my Michael I I I can't feel my arm, you know? And I thought, this is still two hours, three hours to go. How am I gonna do this? And I remember we got in the car and I was like I I told my manager go I'm I'm bad man, I'm bad. And we went a block away and I realized I left my notes, my comedy notes.

In the in the ho in the hotel. I go, Stop the car. And I stop and I ran full steam to get back to the hotel, got my notes, ran full steam back. And I don't know what that did. But it calmed me down and and the feeling came back in my arm. Yes. They say there's nothing better to calm you down than panic. Yes. Yes. And I did my first spot and it went it went fairly well. We have to take a quick break, but we're right back with more Ray Romano. Och med oss nu är Jona.

Du är snickan som blev trött på att få dina verktyg stul när du jobbar billet. Men du har löst problemet. Det visar sig att frågelskrämmer och inte bara avska på frågla utan även tjuva. Aha, en tjuvskrämma. Dagens hjälper lite presenteras av IF som hjälper det mycket. Hey everybody. No, no, you stay. Hey everybody, we're back with uh Ray Romano.

After all the years of now doing'cause you still do stand up, right? I do stand up. Whenever I come to New York, I I always I I've been in LA for twenty five years now and I d seldom go on there. But when I come here I go to the Comedy Cellar is my kind of my home. All these years in and after all this success and all this fame, what

Well, when I go on now they know most of them know who I am and they give you a l you get a little more. You don't gotta prove yourself. Th this is actually what I miss about the old days is going on and nobody knows who you are. And if you if it goes well, if you have a good set.

You you've won them over. You've won them, you know. Now when I go on, they're kind of they're kinda with me already, which I'm not complaining. I'm not complaining. That's fine. But there is a a a satisfaction to winning over a room full of strangers, you know.

Yeah. Well you uh you won over some people over the years on on your old show. Here's here's the original cast right there. And This marks this marks thirty years and uh we have a couple of letters here that you were kind enough to bring in. These were letters associated with your show. Can can you explain to them what we're about to show them? In the last season we did an episode where my character w he's a sports writer.

And he does an article on Muhammad Ali and how much he's a hero of his. And my brother, uh he knows someone who knows Ali and He tells Ali about it and Ali writes my character a letter thanking him. And this is what the this is what the letter says. Yeah. Uh it says Dear Ray, your brother sent me your excellent article. I enjoyed it very much, even though nothing rhymed.

Keep dancing Muhammad Ali. Okay. And so in the episode, uh he gives me that I'm excited and but we we have a we have we're going golfing. So he goes, come on. So I I go, this is the greatest thing in the world. I put it in the kitchen drawer. And of course, my TV wife comes home and decides it's time to clean out the drawer and she throws away my Muhammad Ali letter. So that becomes the episode, yes. And then a couple of weeks later, yeah, my we got that letter and then yeah.

Should I read it? Yeah. Okay. Dear Ray, it was kind of you to include me as part of your storyline in episode four ten of Everybody Loves Raymond. It gave me a good laugh. I hope you enjoy the enclosure. Kind regards Muhammad Ali. P. S. don't put my letter in your junk room. Send me the real letter. This is not a prop. This is the actual letter. I like this I like the butterfly and the bee up there. And now now uh Ray Romano, you're on Broadway for the very first time.

And on the new show, and... Comedy about ambition. Uh you've called this the perfect little introduction to Broadway. Why so? Well I've been offered a couple of things over the course and and it it frightens me um to do a a play, a three hour play and do it for six months and I've always it's it just seems too much

And this came along. This is a a bunch of sketches written by Simon Rich. Do you know Simon Rich? I don't know him, but I know who he is. He's he's an S S NL writer, great writer. And it's a bunch of sketches and it's four comedic actors. We're sitting, we have the script. We kind of act them out in our chairs. You don't have to learn lines. Don't have to learn lines. There's teleprompters the audience doesn't know about it.

And every three weeks they rotate the cast out. So with the I'm doing a three-week stint now with Nicholas Braun from Succession, uh Jenny Slate, who's a wonderful actress. And um Jake Shane. Jake Shane. Young TikToker who's crazy popular and very funny. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And we yeah, it's so far we've done one week and it's another thing I uh But what's Broadway feel like?

You like it? I yeah, I don't I I like this. I like doing the this the thing that I'm doing. I don't know that I could do uh uh a whole play for three hours with an intermediate. So why'd you do it? A lot of people would like to do that. I read a book called The Year of Yes. The year of yes. Have you heard of this? And I read it and I said, this is going to be my year of yes.

And so I'm starting, unfortunately, then I read um the power of no. So I'm right, I'm right back where I started. Yes. Yeah, but no, I'm just saying yes. I'm saying yes. Ray, thanks so much for you. Much a pleasure. Lovely to meet you. All out is on Broadway now at the Niederlander Theater. It's Ray Romano.