Hi, Welcome back to Carol Markowitz Show on iHeartRadio, and welcome to.
The new time slot. I'm so glad you're here.
The Carol Markowitz Show now airs Wednesdays and Fridays, so you can get my non political show, this one, The Carol Markowitz Show on Wednesdays and Fridays, and then normally my political podcast that I co host with Mary Katherine Ham every Tuesday and Thursday. The only day you don't get me is Monday. Last week, we talked about loneliness among teenagers, how hard it is not so much to even make friends, but to maintain the friendships, to coordinate plans,
all of that. I said that every group of friends needs a cruise director, and a few of you wrote to me that you enjoyed the expression and usage. Today, I want to talk about how to be likable, with a focus on one part of likability being interesting. We openly talk about this with our kids. In today's episode, you'll hear Grace Curly say that her parents would advise her and her siblings to quote land the plane when
one of their stories got too long winded. I feel like there's this thing that parents are supposed to think everything their kid does is perfect and amazing and never correct them. I do not parent like that. You want to teach your kids to be nice people, to be good people, thoughtful, but also to be interesting people, not annoying people. You want them to be the kind of
people that other people want to be around. One of the things we tell our kids is that when you're telling a story, make it funny, be interesting, don't just ramble on the details of your day. We've all met the adults who just love hearing themselves talk. I don't want my kids to turn out like that. I want their stories to have a point. I want them to be interesting to listen to. There are other bad person
personality traits. We try to discourage them out of bragging, gossiping, judging people too quickly, but being boring is one I just don't hear discouraged that often.
You want to raise.
Kids to be the kind of adults that people will gravitate to. You have to give them the tools to do that early and to raise them to understand what that means. I'd love to hear your thoughts on this, or on any topic I talk about on the show. How do you help your kids grow up? And become likable people. Drop me an email. Carol Markowitz Show at gmail dot com. That's k A r O L M A r KO wi CS and Charlie Zas and Zebra
Show at gmail dot com. Join us after the break with grace, curly, But first, the International Fellowship of Christians and Jews, which is you a blessed Thanksgiving as you gather with your families, grateful for the blessings that God has given us all. But let's also remember, though, those who are facing unbelievable hardship in need of food, fellowship, and hope. That includes the people of Israel, who are
threatened daily by attacks from enemies on all sides. And during these hard times, Israelis are thankful to the Fellowship for food and basic assistance, truly life saving aid when the rest of the world seems to have turned its back on them. Your gift of twenty five dollars will help provide a food box to an elderly Jew or a Jewish family who are suffering and in desperate need. A gift of one hundred dollars will help provide four
of these life saving food boxes this Thanksgiving. Please consider standing with Israel and the Jewish people go to SUPPORTIFCJ dot org to make a gift now, that's SUPPORTIFCJ dot org, or call to give at eight eight eight for eight eight IFCJ. That's eight eight eight four eight eight four three two five. Welcome back to the Carol Marcowitz Show on iHeartRadio. My guest today is Grace Curley, host of The Grace Curly Show.
In New England. Hi, Grace, so nice to have you on.
Thank you so much, Carol. I'm honored to be here.
So it's funny because I you know, you're a big deal overall, but you're really a big deal in New England. I mean I meet people and they're like, I heard you on.
The Grace Curly Show.
And that is a thing that I get quite often from people like the Boston area particularly, How did you get into this?
So I actually, first of all, that's so nice of you to say. And whenever people say they listen to the show, or especially wh people say I listen every day for three hours, Yeah, God, that's so nice.
Really, that's what I feel like.
Your fan base is like they listen to you every day for three hours.
It's the sweetest thing. And never It never ceases to.
Blow my mind, just because I that was always my dream was that people would just let me talk for a living. And now I'm like, wow, you guys really made it happen for me. But yeah, I started. Actually, I was a theater major at Providence College. I graduated, I started waitressing, and I was always a homebody. I
thought about maybe trying the theater thing. I give people such credit who try to actually make it and showbiz, and probably a little bit of an insecurity in me didn't think I was cut out for it, and so I at one point, my mom got an email from Howie Carr and it was like one of those e blasts where they send it out to a million people, and they said, we're looking for someone to help with books and shipping. And she said, this might be a good way to get your foot in the door. And
I went in for an interview. I got the job, and they were very honest. They said, this is going to be, you know, it's going to be a gofer a job essentially, right, a grontwork. And I said that's fine. That's fine because it's a job and it's steady and I can stay here, you know, I can stay in Massachusetts. And I went home and I said to my mom, I'm going to work for her How we Care and for those who.
Don't know, How we Car super big deal in New England. Yes, very recognizable radio host and beloved by many.
Yes. And my mom has listened. My mom and dad have listened to him forever. And my mom is so funny Carol. She's like she always whatever you tell her, and my dad's like this too. It's like they are big dreamers, especially for us. And so immediately when I told her that, I said, I'm going to be packaging books up in their garage. And she said, you're going to be on the radio with How We Care And I said, that's not I'm doing.
But going to be getting coffee exactly.
Over the years it kind of dis evolved from there.
Yeah, that's amazing.
So you didn't always want to be in radio or that was sort of a backup plan to being in theater.
Yeah, you know, it's like I always liked performing in one way or another. I loved entertaining. I grew up in a family where and maybe this is like the irishists I saw, like Joe Biden, but we were big storytellers. I have an older brother, a younger brother, and a younger sister. My parents are big storytellers. They're both from South Boston, and so sitting around the table at night, it was it was almost like a competition. It was like,
what story do you have? Land the plane? You're losing us, what else happened?
I love that. I'm going to use land the plane with my kids, like land that plane? Where is the story going?
And you know what, Carol, people, you grow up and you start to say to yourself, no one told us person, no one told them, right, And my mom told us all And you know what else she would do. She's so funny. She would if you were telling a story and you were saying like like like like like like like, she would start going every time I said what she said, I'm not not putting it into this world saying like all the time. Right.
But yeah, it was just I love talking.
I love talking, and it doesn't matter if it's a Thanksgiving party with people or if it was in school.
It was always what I love to do.
And making people laugh was a big part of it too, And that's where I think the theater came in. Was I loved the crazy roles or the media goals, and so that was probably what led me to this spot.
I actually tell my kids, be funny when you're telling a story like it engages the people more so. But Land the Plane is something I'm going to be using from here on out. What do you consider your beat at the grayst Curly Show.
I think my beat is and I try to mix it up, but I always find myself coming back to media and the distortion that we get from these people who for basically my entire life, but it's definitely ramped up in the last couple of years, have been hell bent on convincing the masses that someone like me, or someone like someone in my family because a lot of us align the same way politically, are bad people. And it just never sat right with me, and I always
thought there was a disconnect there. I always thought the media was out of step with a lot of the people I know and love, and it's only amped up. And also at this point now my rolodex is these people, which is like one of my coworker says, we could play you a cut of someone on MSNBC and you would probably know their name just by listening. To it right, and I'm like, it's such a niche skill I have.
It's not going to play in any other industry, but it's definitely become something I always even when I'm writing, and I know you know this, you write about the things you know really well, and sometimes you try.
To branch out and it's harder.
It's harder to like do research and stuff like that when it's not something you're as used to. Probably good to do it sometimes, But the ones I find flow for me the easiest are when I'm just hammering the media, right.
That's a when you're passionate about the topic, you just sound so much clearer and better on it. So do you think the media dials it back now that they've lost in such a major way with the Trump reelection?
From what I've been seeing this morning, and like, you know, you you have to keep in mind, we got the results or it was pretty much called for Trump at like two am, so a lot of the late night shows it didn't come out until last night their feelings on it.
I'm going to say, no, there.
Was recording this just a few days after the election. Two days after.
Yeah, there is a lot of crying.
There was a lot.
It doesn't seem like there was a lot of self reflection, and it's so disappointing because you always I always want that, like I always do want just that moment of we got this wrong. And I actually thinks it's a really great thing about life if you're able to look at things and say, I didn't see it from that perspective.
And I actually I have an editor who is a little bit more I don't want to say liberal, because I actually really don't know, but he's more just interested in good writing, and he will oftentimes I'll come forward with an idea that in some other places I could get by with and he'll challenge me on it, and he'll say, I don't think that's really I think you're general or I think you're demonizing one side of it.
And to have someone in your life who's doing that, I don't think these people in the media have that to hold together, egging each other on I.
Was going to say, I don't think that exists. On the other side. I don't think they have an.
Editor that maybe leans a little more conservative or even moderate, who is like, I don't know that this column makes any sense because I read those columns and they don't make a lot of sense.
Yeah, and also just to say just to kind of have that moment of where can we improve?
What are people?
And when you keep doing The thing that scares me though is that. And I was thinking about this this morning. I saw this video and I should send it to you, Carol, because you would definitely have I know that you're beat oftentimes as parents and you know, the family unit.
It was these parents who were telling their.
Children about the election, and the children were like hyperventilating and they were feeding into it like this.
Is what it's going to look like today.
Crazy.
And I thought that is the direct result of these parents being so entrenched in what the media is telling them, and now they're convincing their children that they're in danger somehow, and it's just it's like malpractice. It's like this is dangerous.
Yeah, you know.
I have a friend who said to me that his college freshman daughter her roommate, was crying about the Donald Trump win. And I said to my fourteen year old daughter, if I ever hear you crying about a politician win or loss in America, like I'm going to have some problems with that.
That is not something you cry about. Cry about things that are close to you.
And that matter to you and that are important to your family, not about someone you don't know. There was that movie A Bronx Tale a long time ago where the gangster guy tells the little Italian kid. He says, Mickey Mantle doesn't pay your rent and.
He doesn't know who you are. That's how people.
Should think about politicians. They don't pay your rent, they don't know who you are. If you can support them, you can hope for good policies for them from them, you can lobby them to get those policies, but don't cry over them.
I mean, they don't know.
You, Carol.
You have such a way, and I mean this so genuinely, Like sometimes you'll tweet something out and it will stick with me, and I'm sure you think I'm crazy because I'll retweet it like years later, but it will stick with me for years.
And once the night that.
Was you were like, if you were blessed with a wonderful family, you were already on third base. If you let any of that go, politics is never going to love you back. And I was like, this is what people need to hear. It's like if you have good people in your life, and you were even getting close to jeopardizing that for politics.
You've lost the plot.
That's it, I mean, that's really it.
And you know that tweet is so funny because it was pretty popular. Although I didn't think I said anything that earth shattering. Tucker Carlson texted me about that tweet and was.
Like, this, this is it. You know, this is exactly what people should, you know, think, I don't know. I come from a small, fractured family.
The idea to mean that we would fall out over politics is hilarious, you know.
I just I don't get that at all.
And it's really unfortunate to me that that does happen in families and happens all the time. I hear from people constantly. My daughter's not speaking to me, you know, my mother is icing me out. I mean, really really terrible stuff. And it's sad, and I wish our culture kind of frowned on it more. I wish those parents were told by their liberal friends, don't scare your children like this.
It's not necessary.
They can't do anything about the election, Like you don't need to send them to school worried and concerned about their future.
It's just it's a crazy thing to do. I really do think so.
And the thing you just said about when you can't do something about it, like, that's something that's if you just zoom out from that. That's something that I have, I think improved it in life where I really look at things now and I go, can I do anything about this? Because I have this mentality and actually it's happened to me before with real things, like real real issues that have come up where and I'll just give
an example. I had a family member who was sick and thank god, they're miraculous recovery and it was wonderful.
Thank God.
But at the time, I have.
This mind sometimes and I've talked to people about it, I've worked on it, where it's this idea of if I worry about this enough, then it's going to help, and.
It's my job.
It's my job, and that way the universe knows I care so much about this, right, I'm going to make myself sick over it. And it's like I remember someone saying to me when this family member got sick, don't go on Google tonight, like, don't start googling things. And I in my head was thinking, oh my god, I'm going to spend all night on Reddit, like.
I definitely googling.
Yeah, there's not even a question.
I'm going to be googling for the rest of the night because that's my that's my way of helping the situation. And the older I get, the more I really have to stop myself and say, what's your control here? And I felt like this about this last election. I wanted Trump to win, but on the Monday before I felt this like odd sense of calmness, which is anyone who knows me. It's not it's not my usual place to be.
But I was like, you don't have You've said your piece, you've done, you voted, Like, what else can you do?
Right, it's out of your hands? What are you going to do?
More?
Coming up in a minute with.
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Patriot for your free month of service today. So that leads me to a question that I ask all of my guests, which is what do you worry about?
What's like? What keeps you up?
This is not a groundbreaking at all. I don't think for people. I and I've been like this since I was young. I'm a nervous nelly. So I worry about my family, and I worry about losing people, and I worry about like I was the kid who I'm the oldest daughter. And I think that does explain. I see those memes and stuff about the oldest daughter fame girl.
Same, Yeah, I think.
It actually does explain because like these are two these make too much sense.
It does explain a lot.
They always fit so well, so well.
And I was the child who was calling my parents up being like, when are you coming home? Are you okay? It's snowing out, be careful? And my parents are like Jesus girls, And so that's I will say. Though, what's in me is I don't have like any sort of hypochondria or anything. I don't worry about Like I know some people fear death and they feel all these things. I never think about that. For me, I worry about it. I almost like project it outwards and worry about everybody else.
Well, that's very older older child syndrome. You don't worry about yourself. You have all these other people to worry about and you ever focus on yourself.
I said to somebody once, this sums up my fear, okay, And it was the funniest thing I said to someone once, I wish I could take it. Sounds so crazy saying, I said, I wish I could take all the people I love and put them in a giant bubble and so I know everyone's okay all the time. And my friend said, that's a problem.
They don't want to live in the bubble.
It turns out, yeah, life is living, So that would be my fear.
That makes a lot of sense.
What advice would you give your sixteen year old self, like, would you direct her to worry less about this kind of thing or something else?
You know, I think what I would say. I I was thinking about this morning.
I'm a homebody by nature, and I think I've spent a lot of time in my early life trying to fight that a little bit. And I think that I'm most happy when I'm with my family. But when I was like a teenager, I went to a school, a lovely school I had. I had kids from all the different towns and it was a private school, so everyone was coming in from different areas.
I had wonderful teachers.
I had a great experience there, But on the weekends and stuff, it was very social. It was very like who's going to get invited? Whose parents are going to drive them somewhere? And I found myself feeling like like it was a reflection of me if I wasn't included and stuff, Oh I should even even though if you really asked me, would you prefer to go to it?
Or would you like no, would you just want to be ask?
Yeah, I just wanted to be And I really felt like I was failing myself. And sometimes i'd be embarrassed if my parents would say and they weren't saying it to be me, but they want you want your kids to be social, and they'd say, like, is anything going on this weekend? And I would be like, no, I think I'm just going to hang with Alexander, my little sister.
And I think what I would tell myself now, because as you get older, those moments are when your whole family's together, and this, of course is for people who are blessed, and I understand not everyone has that situation, but now that I'm older, like when we're all together all the siblings and all of our kids and my parents are there and we're all like having Thanksgiving or something.
I would say to myself at sixteen, there's only so much time where your entire family is under this roof, and it's so incredibly special, and it's okay that you love that and that that's where you want to be.
Just be there.
Don't feel like, don't be half there and half worrying about what everyone else is doing.
That's so beautiful.
I feel like teenagers are always one foot out the door. But if you enjoy being with your family, I mean, I'm sure they were thrilled to have you.
It's yeah, you know again. My oldest is fourteen.
She's still home a lot, but she's starting to kind of be out there, and.
Yeah, she wants to stay home with us. Please stay home with us for sure. So you're recently married, right, yes, and how's that going?
And it's great? I asked daughter, I have a sixteen month old.
Wow, I did not know that.
Yes, yes, ideally, I don't thank you. I don't talk about it that much on my show or anything, just because I think when you start putting your personal life into this kind of crazy political world that can get kind of crazy, but yeah, it's great.
I was just at a wedding recently and they have those.
Cards out that are like leave a tip for them, and you always feel foolish when you're like, it's like, oh, here's my wisdom, please let me let me give you
all my tips. But one thing I did say, which I think is a strength that my husband and I have, and of course we have our own stuff, but I said, be quick to apologize and quick to forgive, because it's such a waste of time, Like people get so caught up in I'm going to give someone the silent treatment, and my husband and I can't even do it, like we end up laughing because it's like we're both in the same kitchen and we're going to be mad at
each other. Like it's so uncomfortable. It's like you feel so foolish. And I think that also. One other saying for people who get married is that familiarity breeds contempt in life, and I think I notice that and I noticed this too with myself. It's like you get very quick to talk to someone if you're with them all the time, in a way you would never.
Talk to others.
Sep.
You get so comfortable.
Being like hand me that, hey, I need a bottle up here, like it's ready for her bottle.
You get very snitty, right, yeah, snippy that's a good word.
Yeah, And so I try now to remind myself, like, would you talk to anyone this is the person who helps you so much in life and who you love so much, like, treat them that way, don't treat them like like you can because of course, in some ways it's nice to drop the veil that you have when you're out and about, but keep that level of politeness and kindness to the present you're with time. It goes a long way, I think.
Yeah, I agree.
I think that people think they can be their authentic selves with their spouse. But what if you're authentic self was also polite and kind That maybe is what you should work on more than anything else, Like it's not even the acting or you know, what if the authentic self that you are to your family, to your friends, to your spouse to your kids is somebody who is measured and doesn't yell and all of that. You know, I work on it, and I'm not saying it's an
easy feat. We definitely yell at the kids a lot.
Yeah. No, And you know what. The other thing is, Carol again here.
I'm like, here's my.
Tell me everything, this is what it's all about.
I find that I am super like I said, I love to talk.
I love to talk.
I have to stop myself sometimes when someone else is talking, I catch myself like I'm looking in the video right now?
Am I ready to go?
Sometimes when my husband comes to me and he's trying to work through something, I don't have the same level of patience that he has for me. And when I think about all of the scenarios that I'm I mean like when I was pregnant, I was going through, well, what if this happens?
What if that happens?
And he looked at me at one point and it was so helpful. He said, what if we just try to have dinner tonight? What if we just and then we worry about this tomorrow.
Right.
And when he comes to me and he wants to be vulnerable in one way or another, he's a very stoic person, and he's very quiet, and he keeps a lot in I find myself it's easy to dismiss it, like when you're not used to hearing it.
You're like, oh please, oh please, don't do that.
That's what I would say to marrying people because if someone's feeling something, and I don't want to sound too woo wo, but if someone's feeling something, it's real to them and they deserve to have to be heard. So it's if you're with someone, and I think a lot some women end up like me, where you're with someone who you're the talker and they're maybe not necessarily as well. I've been there when they do talk, it's like, yeah, give them time.
That's I really like.
And so it's funny because my last question for you, and I feel like this conversation could go on for a long time and I love talking to But last question I ask all my guests is leave us with your best tip for better living. I feel like you've given us so much, but do you have a best tip for my listeners on how they can improve their lives?
I do, and it kind of ties in with what I was saying before about the worrying thing. I think one time someone said to me, if you can name it, you can tame it, and it really stuck with me because I thought, sometimes you have an angst or anxiety or you know, and sometimes, like I said, it's something big, it's someone sick or something, and so I'm not really talking about those scenarios, but oftentimes I'll find myself in kind of a crummy mood or whatever.
I'm like, oh, I got so much going on.
And then if I really try to verbalize it, or I sit down with someone like my husband, or I sit down with a piece of paper and a pen, and I'm like, what is it right now that's stressing me out? Like what is it that I'm that's preventing me from having a little bit of a lighter, happier outlook. And if I can verbalize it, oftentimes.
It's not that as big as I think.
It's like, well, I'm stressed out because I haven't paid
my current yet. Okay, So when you get to work da blogging bit like or and I know, everything has different, you know, things for people, but it's like you'll if you don't verbalize them or write them down in a list or really look at it, you can end up they can end up overtaking you, and you end up feeling like you're so overwhelmed, and it's like, well, let's cross off and then to be able to look at that and separate what are the things that I can put on a list here and maybe get done. My
house is messy. That's something for me that I'm always like, I need to clea in a house. Okay, well carve out some time clean your house, cross it off list, and then there's a list of things that you'll put down and you'll go there's nothing I can do about this.
I'm worried about this person.
I'm worried about, like we said, an election, I'm worried about losing someone I love. That's stuff where to look at it and say, I'm not crossing that off the list, and there's no amount of worrying that's going to make this better. So living with that, I think, being able to look at things and really fagure out what am I capable of changing and what do I have to make some sort of peace with can kind of let you live a little bit of a lighter existence.
I love that.
I also have to say that you, throughout this conversation have referenced people giving you advice and you taking that advice. I think that is huge, Like the fact a lot of people get advice, right, but not that many people internalize it and take it and then do something with it. I think that's a real triumph that you do do that. You had a couple of them in this conversation, So it's awesome.
Love, Carol. Can I add one thing in?
Yeah, because it's so funny you say that, because when I was thinking about I was thinking about this morning, like what would be a tip for people, and that was actually going to be one I gave was.
If you trust the person.
And I'll just give a quick example because I think this is My younger sister is absolutely spectacular. She's and she's funny, and she has a lot of qualities that I'm envious of, Like she's very sure of herself, and she makes decisions and she does all these things, and so she's wonderful. My mother loves us all so so much and only wants to see the best for us. My mom gives us advice, and I am very open
to advice. And so if my mom says to me, you know who you should call, You should call my friend because her.
Blah blah blah, I'll go.
And when I was little, I pushed back a little bit, but now that I'm older, I'll go. Yeah, I'm a lot quicker to go. Maybe that's a good idea, Like she led me into the right direction this far. My sister is a lot more resistant to advice. And I'm saying it just because it's an interesting dynamic. And if you can, if you trust the source of the advice and you think they have what's best for you in mind, right, try it out, like who maybe it will work.
Yeah, It's just it's a tough thing to do.
I think a lot of people are like, hear the advice, no, it's good for them, but don't quite implement it.
I mean we're all guilty of it. I yes, for sure, for sure, I'm guilty of it.
It's like when I have like back pain and my brother's like every day, like, you should go swim, it's very good for.
Back pain, and I'm like, yes, I know, but I'm not going to go do that. So thank you for your totally correct advice that I'm not taking.
So it's hard to do, but I love that you do take advice and you end up implementing it in all these different ways in your life.
This has been awesome. She is grace Curly check out the Grace Curly Show. Love talking to you, Grace.
Thank you, Thank you Carol so much.
Thanks so much for joining us on The Carol Marcowitch Show. Subscribe wherever you get your podcasts.