Hi, Welcome back to the Carol Markowitz Show on iHeartRadio. I had two conversations recently where the person said something like women are choosing career over relationships and that's why marriage rates are down. I know this is a standard line. People say it all the time, people have said it
on my show before, but I don't quite agree. I've known lots of career women in my life, and I'm talking titans of industry and girl bosses with MLM scams, and they're always trying to meet a man at the beginning of their careers in the middle always They may have less time to devote to it, sure, but some of them do treat it like another job. There are
times in your life that are right for finding your person. Yes, it's probably not going to be the year you're trying to make partner, but it won't be your career that's standing in the way for a decade or more. The problem from the woman's perspective, I think is they believe they have more time than they do, so they might spend their twenties in a dead end relationship with maybe even a good guy, but someone they don't plan to marry or have kids with. And sometimes the guy is
not that good. I can think of many examples of women in my life who wasted many years on a guy they knew all along wasn't right for them. Often they are dazzled by his looks. That's a very common thing, and they don't want to let go of someone who's nice to them and looks good when they're around. So I think the whole I just focused on my career is actually what women tell themselves to console themselves when it doesn't go the way that they hope in a relationship.
If I were giving advice to a young women, I tell them that they have less time than they think. And I get that they hear this elsewhere biological clock and all that, but that's not even what I mean. I mean, don't waste your time with people who you know aren't right for you. Just to have someone It could easily end up being five or ten years that
shoot right by you. And yes, you'll look back at that time and you'll say, oh, I was building my career, But really you were tied up with someone who wasn't going to be the one for you. If you could figure that out early and leave yourself space and time to meet the person you actually want to marry, and please go ahead have the career too. You'll be in a much better spot than spending time with someone who's kind of a placeholder for the one you actually want.
Thanks for listening. Coming up next and interview with Ian Haworth. Join us after the break.
Welcome back to the Carol Markowitz Show on iHeartRadio. My guest today is Ian Howarth. Ian is a syndicated columnist, speaker, and podcast host. Hi, Ian, so nice to have you on CAYL.
Thanks for having me.
So I've been reading you for a long time, but I don't see any particular beat in your work except since October seventh. You've obviously covered a lot about Israel and Jewish issues. Did you have one like something that you particularly focused on before that?
Anti Semitism was always one of my main focuses. It's actually how I got into this space in the first place. So for those listening who've never heard of me or haven't followed my work particularly long, it's cut used to work in I used to work in big tech before this, So before this stuff, I did the learned to code thing, but completely backwards. So I graduated from opposite university with bachelor's and masters in computer science. And the way it works in the UK is you do just one subject
for your entire college experience. So I know people love to joke about, you know, you do like one art class here, you do a women's studies thing here, and all of these nonsense courses they made up. Now I just did one thing, which is good it makes you an expert in something, but also means you're really only qualified to do one thing. So I always knew I wanted to come to America. That was like one of
one of my goals, one of my dreams. So after graduating, move over to Silicon Valley and was working as a software engine theer and a bunch of different companies, and I was actually at Facebook at the time. I worked at Facebook for about four years or so. And it was in twenty eighteen when it was the Pittsburgh Synagogue shooting, and I was looking around, you know, Silicon Valley, the Bay Area, California. It's very left wing, well the coastal
areas of California are very left wing. And I was looking at all these supposedly tolerant, supposedly compassionate people, seeing what was happening and really either ignoring it or making it an attack on right wing people and using it as a weapon, and then really kind of snowballed there. I was like one of the few conservatives I knew in that area, and I thought, well, this might be a good opportunity for me just to speak out and provide a voice for right wing people in that space,
and it just snowballed from there. So I too about antemptism a lot, but really I try and talk about any issue I think is important, because really everything is all encompassing. We like to focus on a single issue, I think, which makes sense if you're a journalist. I've never really seen myself as a journalist. I just like to talk about things I find interesting and important. I try and push the needle in the right direction.
It's so interesting because I was writing about anti semitism a lot even before Pittsburgh. But Pittsburgh was the one anti Semitic attack that the people around me when I lived in Brooklyn did want to talk about because it appeared to be somebody, you know, a crazed right winger, and so that was the attack that they did kind of circulate opinions on, and the rabbi commented, you know,
it's a local, like very leftist reform synagogue. But the other attacks that had been going on in Brooklyn for years, they didn't say a word because the perpetrators weren't wearing Maga hats. So it's funny that that's what spurred you into the political world. Do you ever miss, you know, the tech world.
I do and I don't. I think I very much enjoy being my own person and just being able to say what I think. I think it's a real honor to be able to do that, to have a job that allows you to do that. I think a lot of people who think the same way as I do. I knew a lot of conservatives who worked in tech who worked in other industries. They have to keep their mouth shut, right, and so being able to be a voice for those people is really wonderful. I think I
miss elements of it. I think every industry has its perps, right. It was amazing to work on some of the projects that you get to work with in that space, to work with some of the people, like the creativity. It's true, the sense of the world in terms of that area of innovation and things like that, but it's just what I'm doing now I find much more kind of motivating and much more rewarding on a personal level because I feel like, for me looking at it, my main goal
was just to affect some kind of change, and positive change. Obviously, there's a lot of people out that are trying to affect any kind of change, just that negative, sure, whatever, don't get the clicks, But for me, it was always about the positive change. And I found that working in the software space, it wasn't something I truly loved. And I don't think everyone needs to find something they truly love in work because you get other things from it.
But this was kind of a whole in my heart in a lot of ways, and it was something I was good at but didn't enjoy. And so I think doing this, you know, I'm still kind of finding my way.
I'm compared to a lot of people, I'm relatively new, but I get a lot more enjoyment out of it, a lot more fulfillment out of it by changing someone's mind or something, or affecting a pace of change on something that truly matters, rather than just cranking out a product that someone else could do that job and I'd like to think that what I do only I could put out what I think in the way I do it, And I think that's true of everyone and their opinions.
Everyone is unique in that way, and so I don't really miss it. There's obviously pieces I missed. The free food was pretty amazing, but otherwise, no, I'm pretty happy where I am right now.
Yeah, we don't get free food in the podcast world, which I think is unfair. We really do need the free food. So you're doing something meaningful, and it's still a very hard subject to be covering. Do you feel optimism or We're recording this a few days after the return of the Bbis Family, and obviously it's been a very difficult time, really sad, kind of somber a few days. Do you have a sense of optimism right now or is it kind of bad times for the foreseeable future.
I try and not look at it in those terms because I think it's somewhat unrealistic. Again, I don't want to say I'm just a realist, because I think that can be almost pessimistic within different branding. The way I try and look at it is just taking one step forward every single day and I have optimism for the people I think who are pushing the right ideas. I think there's a lot of Jewish people who have woken up and really been vocal and stood up in a
way that I haven't seen in my lifetime. So I'm optimistic about that. I'm optimistic about Jewish communities fighting for their own right to stay on their own two feet and not be persecuted into the ground, which sounds like a normal thing that most people would do, but for a lot of Jewish communities in my lifetime, I've looked around and I've seen people shrink into the shadows and just let things go. And so I think I'm optimistic
in that way. The way I approach things like an sempitism those I try and do it from a just a realistic perspective of trying to truly get through to people of the enemy we are facing and the evil we are facing, because I think you can find optimism and pessimism in everything, but it's very easy to be pessimistic in the face of what we're seeing, which is rampant ant semptism across the world and in the United
States and on college campuses. But then I find that almost motivating because that just speaks to the importance of everyone stepping up. So I'm optimistic in a way if people keep making these steps. But it's something we have to keep moving forward. We have to keep approaching this with the same relentless that our enemies are doing, because one day we back off, one day we let it go, and then we're back to where we were before October seventh,
and it will keep happening. So I know that's an unsatisfactory answer, it's how I feel.
Yeah, I like that. Do you have a particular strategy for countering the arguments of the other side.
I think it's going to be speaking honestly to the scale and the breadth of the issue, because I think a lot of people when they talk about an Semitism, as I mentioned before, they like to talk about what I call politically advantageous and Semitism. So you'll see a lot of right wing people talk about Elano, Oma, Rashida
to leave. You know, they're really easy targets. They absolutely should talk about those people, and often people on the left you see them talking about white supremacists and Semitism, which again they should absolutely be talking about. But for me, I always am kind of calling on both sides to speak about the issue honestly, and that includes doing things
that might not be so politically advantageous, you know. So when someone like Tucker Carlson, for example, comes out says something pretty broadline as semitic and sometimes not so bordline, and a lot of people who want to get on his show are just pretty quiet. But if you saw ilan Omar Rashida Sleeve say exactly the same thing, they would be up in arms cracking out content about it. And so I think for me, it's just about having that conversation honestly, do you care about Anthemitism or do
you care about it? Is one as many tools to promote yourself or your brand or your political movement. And I think that's what I'm seeing a lot of positives in kind of the so called Jewish movement right now, is because it's really apolitical in a lot of ways. I've made a lot of connections with people that prior to walk to over seventh would never have spoken to me because I'm a gasp conservative, right, But I think now we're actually seeing people come together and realizing this
is more than politics. So I think that's a great thing, that is.
I actually have been so impressed with how many Jews have woken up. I still think there's so many more to go, obviously, but I've had so many friends who are awake and alert after October seventh in a way that they never had been before.
And they always had seen that threat in.
The distance, but never so close up. I guess my thinking on the anti Semitism of the right is it's a lot less obvious. I mean, forget about the you know, the crazy podcasters who say insane things, and you know the I don't know, the various people on the right who you know, some of them I never even heard of until they became anti Semitics. So it's kind of,
you know, with the canvass Owens and whatever. I think the problem is that a lot of them, again not very obvious ones, with the rest sort of danced around the topic, and they're not very obvious in the way that the left is, and they don't say I don't want Israel to exist or you know, terrible things about Jews in particular. They kind of are much more vague than the left. So it gets to where people are like, well, what did they actually even say, how do you counter that?
I think a lot of that is trying to take it on a case by case basis, at least in my experience of trying to work out the intent behind it, because I think sometimes there is just pure ignorance if someone says something off the cuff or without really meaning it, and then you actually get to the hearts of it, and usually those people come around they actually maybe learn something about Israel, they learn something about Jews, or they
learn something about the history of antemitism that is motivating that thought. Then you have people who are genuinely hateful who just hate Jews for some unknown reason. There's always going to be hating the world, though, I think sometimes I don't like to make this just about Jews, because there is hate against all groups. That's just human nature, unfortunately. And then there's the middle ground of the people who
are trying to kind of profit from both sides. I feel like those are the people who very carefully word what they are saying. I'm just asking questions, very questions, because I almost respect the people who are genuinely hateful more than the people who are just kind of playing this cowardly game where they're trying to attract the people who are ignorant, they're trying to pander to the people who are hateful, but they're also trying to leave an
escape route. Essentially, when they do get called out or they do get at least questioned on their ridiculous views, and they say, oh, I wasn't Actually I don't agree with these people. I'm trying to proper from I'm not like them. I'm just asking questions. I find that quite exhausting.
I stay away from those people because I don't think they're genuine I find much more success in reaching the people who genuinely hate me or her genuinely anger, and I don't think those people are I don't want to necessarily say it this way, but I don't think those two people are as bad as the people who are playing both sides because I don't know what you mean. Yeah, fully knowing what they're doing. But I think someone who's hateful, you can reach them. You've just got to get to
the root of their hate. And it's something I think we should all be spending time on. Obviously, there are some things who cannot be reached. There's a lot of people on the edge that if you just reach out to them with love and kindness, you can make a huge difference.
Yeah. My co author of the book I wrote, Stolen Nuth, Bethany Mandel, she once wrote an article about how we should be trying to convince neo Nazis like away from neo Nazism, and it gets thrown in her face all the time, like people are constantly like tweeting that article back at her, like how dare you have said this?
And then a few years ago, of course aoc A Passio Cortez she said the same thing, and that became an okay thing to say, Like, if you have family members drifting into this kind of hate, you know, try to try to get them back, try to argue points with them, try to show them love and be like I still love you and I just want you to come back to reality. It's tough, though, when you are
trying with these people who hate you. But I agree with you that they're a lot more honest than the dancers what I call the dancing around the reality that just asking really stupid questions crowd. And it's interesting that you find those people kind of more reachable.
Yeah, And because I think someone can make a mistake of logic or a mistake of emotion, and that can build an entire platform for a bunch of different views. But if you get to that route, it's actually pretty easy to solve. I you see this all the time of people who've been hateful. Let's say, you know radical Islamic terrorists who have come back, and now they speak out against radical Islam and terrorism, and no one is locked into their ideology. I think all these people can
be reached. You've always got to pick your battles, because there are some people who are way too deep that it's actually quite dangerous to try and reach them. But then there's all these people on the fringe who if you just leave them to the whims of the extreme,
then they're going to go somewhere. I think that's the problem I've seen in a lot of media when people speak to, for example, young men, there's a lot of people are very dismissive and quite I think nasty in a way of just like laughing at people who feel lost, who don't feel supportive, who don't feel like someone truly listens to their issues, and sure their issues compared to other people's issues might not be as bad, or they might have an easier time of it by nature of
their skin color, which you can have a whole can of worms debate over. So that doesn't mean their problems aren't important. And then we're surprised when people like Andrew Tait and Dan Bazeri and all these people rush in to fill the void. You know. It's like people are complaining that these people have an audience while also ignoring their audience. And I think that's a really important thing that everyone needs to understand, is that if you mock people.
We've seen this in politics, we've seen in culture. If you mock people and bully them, you can't then be surprised when they go somewhere where they are they are not mocked and bullied. It's like a very simple human response is to go somewhere where you feel supported. The problem is that being supported by people who don't actually care, right, That is.
The that is the issue where we're pushing these people away, or they're being pushed away and falling into the arms of people waiting.
To accept them.
It's it's a tough, tough situation. We're going to take a quick break and be right back on the Carol Marcowitch show. What do you worry about? What's like on your mind when you are you know, what's your general worry?
Ask a neurotic jew what they worry about? How long you have? I think the highest level thing I worry about beyond you know, my own life and you know, my own family and that kind of thing is I think our society taking what we have for granted and returning to what has been the norm for the vast majority of human kind, which is pain and suffering and tyranny, all these kind of things. And it's not just political, it's like a it's a very it's a very cultural
thing too. Western culture is good. I feel like we're constantly fighting this battle of people who want to tell you that all cultures are equal New Slash. They are not the idea that Western culture is in some ways far worse than the other. No. Western culture has given us all the best things in humankind, and there's obviously always room to improve. We're not a perfect civilization. That's true of all humans ever. But I think everyone takes the granted for what we have. They take for granted
the peace we have post World War Two. The peace we have is as a result of the massive, unimaginable sacrifice that people in their teens and twenties made in the thirties and forties, that I couldn't see people today making that same sacrifice. I saw people losing their mind of not being able to buy toilet paper at quite
the same level what they did the year before. And that's what I worry about, is because a civilization that doesn't respect what we have and the history or what we have and why we have it, I think is doomed to just descend into the norm for humans, which is suffering and poverty and not having access to basic things, and not having the basic rights that have become the norm for us, but only the norm because we made it so. So I think that's that's my high level worry beyond the personal.
Do you miss Britain at all?
I miss my family and my friends there. I miss elements of the history. I do not miss modern day Britain. I think it has changed a lot in the way that Europe has changed. I think it is losing its way again. It's not fighting for what made it great, it is not fighting to protect its own history and the good things it did. I don't really miss the weather. I don't miss the lack of air conditioning. I don't miss having to go to a restaurant and being treated like garbage.
So they just don't have it over there.
They do not, they do not. I mean, people always mock America for that kind of thing, so I can't believe tipping. Tipping is fantastic, And so I don't really miss miss Britain in that way. I miss the people there, like all my family there. I have friends there, obviously, But I love America like all America is my home. America is where I'm going to stay. It's just it's a country like no other. And I think you hear that from a lot of people who move here, is
that it truly is unique. It's not a cliche. It's truly unique in so many ways. So I can't imagine living anywhere else.
I love that. And you know, I lived in Scotland for a few years and they mock our the way we all say have a nice day and all that. But it's quite nice to hear have a nice day. It's you know, at the time, I was like embarrassed about it. I was in my early twenties or late teens, and I, you know, kind of wanted them to accept me or whatever, and they would say like, oh, why do you Americans, you know, tay statements like that. But
now I really do appreciate it. I think we really have a good thing going here, and the customer service is really can't be beat.
Yeah. And I think also something I learned after moving to the US as well is that it is quite jarring when you come from a place where people don't really talk to each other, like I live in Tennessee now, so it's even more so in the South, the people genuinely talking to each other. But it's the genuine element of it that I think people not from the United States don't understand is that when someone asks, you know, like how are you doing, or have a nice day,
it's kind of actually genuine position. In many cases of actual of course, there are people who say it don't mean it, yeah, but like the conversation she'll have with someone in a supermarket or something. If that happens in the UK, you're a little on edge, like that's not normal because British people aren't quite as social stereotypically, But when it comes here, it's it's jarring until you realize it's genuine, and then it's it's nice. It's like when
someone says, oh, pray for you. That's not meaning sarcastic, it's a meaningful statement of care. I think the moment you understand that it really is life changing.
It really, it really is. I also in Britain when they when they ask and answer the question how's you all right? Like it's one sense that's.
Just I don't even know where to start with that one. Some parts of Scotland it's barely English. So that's a tough one.
True true. So what advice would you give your sixteen year old self had to offer some thoughts?
I think for me a few things. Is the easy one is to, you know, not care as much about what other people think. I think that's one of the hardest parts about being younger, is you put so much weight on what people who don't matter what they think. But I think that goes into adulthood too. Another thing I think I tell my sixteen year old self is just to try and find that balance between working really hard to get what you want next, but also not working so hard that you kind of lose everything else
that's important. I think a lot of people when they're young, they see everything is all encompassing, like I have to pass this exam otherwise my entire life will fall apart. You know, I have to get top grade in college otherwise I'll never get a job. And you know, I work really hard. I went to Oxted University. I was really proud of that. When I was at Oxford, I can never quite get to like the top of the class. I was always getting kind of like mid range grades.
By make sure that it was a class of seventeen people and they're all computer science geniuses and I was not a pure science genius part of it then. But I honestly felt like in that moment I was. It was very difficult at times because I was never going to get to that level, and I was trying so hard to get to that level. I had this impression in my life just wouldn't work out unless I got past that line. And then I got my first job in tech and no one cared what grade I got
to college. They just cared that you went to college and you have this piece of paper. And then I got my second tech job and no one cared. When I went to college, I just cared about what I did before. Once you have that realization, doing well enough to get to the next step, as long as you're
happy with that next step is great. If you can balance your life and be happy with that, your life will be much happier than always trying to take everything out of a situation, making a lot of sacrifices in the meantime when the difference between ninety five percent and ninety six percent five years down the line is meaningless, but it feels like everything when you're in the moment.
It really does. And nobody ever asked even to see my diploma or any of my grades or anything. It's whether or not you could do the jobs. It actually is sort of eye opening how little they care and how much we obviously cared at the time. So I've loved this conversation. This has been really awesome. I've followed you for a long time and I think you're just great. Leave us here with your best tip for my listeners on how they can improve their lives.
Yeah, thank you so much for having me. It's been a pleasure. I think I have a few quick ones I'm going to throw in. Yeah, I think one is like a money one. Always people talk about people saying money doesn't matter. Money does matter. It's about finding that line where you can make enough to be happy and comfortable, rather than letting it run your life. I think in terms of relationships, the best advice I heard on this is always been like trying to choose friends who are
investments rather than bills. That really changed my life. Looking at it that way, I have had a lot of friends who have been bills in my life, and my life is much better with the investments. And the final one, the final one is just taking responsibility for your life. I think it's really easy to bad things will happen. People will screw you over, you won't get those promotions, your manager will screw you over. All of these things will happen, and obviously you should fight back when you're
able to. But I think taking responsibility for your life and not letting the blame part of it take over, will make your life much happier because everything good that happens is because of you, and everything bad that happens is despite everything you try to do, and it's I think you can move forward each day knowing that you did the best you could and you ultimately are standing on your own two feet as an adult and not
looking for someone else to save you. I think if everyone did that the world would be a much better place, and we would be able to care for each other more as well, because we would see people take responsibil with themselves and want to help them. So I think taking responsibility is something I go on college campuses all the time. It's the one thing I tell people. Take responsibility, and every problem in our lives would be better.
I love that. Here's Ian Howarth. Check him out, follow him on X read all of his stuff. He's really wonderful. Thank you so much, Iaan for coming on.
Thanks for having me, Thanks so much for joining us on the Carol Marko Rich Show. Subscribe wherever you get your podcasts.