Episode 14: Embracing Forgiveness

Today , we continue our journey by delving into the transformative power of forgiveness in the midst of the Valley of Baca . In this episode , we will reflect on what forgiveness is and what forgiveness is not . So let's explore forgiveness while we are on this journey through the Valley of Baca , be Ignited . Have you ever experienced the weight of unforgiveness ?

You know it's a burden many of us have carried at some point in our lives and personally I have had my fair share of navigating the challenging path towards forgiveness , from forgiving childhood bullies to an ex-husband and even those who have betrayed , overlooked or misunderstood me .

If you've been listening to previous episodes , then you know that last year I had to resign for my job . I found myself in a situation where I was used as a mere tool to further someone else's agenda , without any consideration for how it would impact me .

Initially , I believed that I was hired for a job based on my experience , my education , my expertise , only to discover that I was merely a pawn in a toxic work environment where power and control took precedence over genuine collaboration .

Despite giving my very best , I realized that I was not there to serve a purpose aligned with my Christian values , but rather to be an ally in a power struggle . You know , these are the kinds of situations that require forgiveness . These are Valley of Baca experiences where we may feel the burden of pain and resentment and the weight of past hurts .

They really test our resilience and challenge our ability to forgive . However , it is precisely in this Valley that forgiveness can become a powerful catalyst for transformation and healing . So I want you to take a deep breath , because next we are going to talk about what forgiveness is and what it is not .

To understand forgiveness , we must recognize that it is a practice , it's a choice and it is about our internal motivation . You know there's a frame of thought that says that forgiveness is for our own healing and our own well-being and that the reason why we should forgive is to release ourselves and to free ourselves .

Well , I hate to break it to you , but that is not biblical forgiveness , not when you look at Jesus as the example for how he forgave us . You know Jesus' primary motivation for forgiving us was not for the sake of himself , but it was for our sake . When Jesus forgave us , he removed the penalty for our offenses .

When the penalty for our senses was removed , it freed us , not Jesus , and the act of forgiving us is actually what kept Jesus on the cross . Forgiving us didn't free Jesus . It freed us . When Jesus forgave us , he removed the penalty of death and separation from the sins of the , the father .

So biblical forgiveness is penalizing someone when they've hurt us or offended us or caused us harm . When we penalize someone , we tie a yoke around that person's neck and we often become consumed with trying to make them pay . We make them become indebted to us . That is unforgiveness .

Forgiveness is about having the internal motivation that says I'm going to make that person pay for what they did to me . Now you know we've all done it . We , we have ways that we make people pay . Right , we can sometimes withdraw from people . You know we stop talking with them . We give them the silent treatment , we ghost them , as they say .

We give them the cold shoulder . You know , when they walk into that room , we want to make sure they know that we know what they did . We remember what they did by giving them a cold shoulder . Now , withdrawing from a person because we want to make them pay for what they did to us is not the same thing as setting a boundary .

See , the motivation in setting a boundary is not about making someone pay . It's about protecting your well-being . It's about helping us to determine what is okay and what is not okay . Boundaries are really about building trust . It's about safety . It's about having respect in a relationship . So setting a boundary is not unforgiveness .

Now , another way that we make a person pay is by holding a grudge .

You know , it's where we become so consumed with resentment and we become so fueled by the desire to make them pay that we just ruminate about the offense right and we just view that person in in a negative way , to where there is nothing that that person can do that would make us see them in a positive light . That's holding a grudge , that's unforgiveness .

And then another way that we make people pay or that we penalize people is we try to tarnish their reputation . We say negative things to other people for the purpose of other people seeing the person in a negative way . These are some of the ways that we penalize people who have hurt us . Now I will say that it's okay to share the story .

Sometimes there are people , there are safe people . There are people that we need to share our stories with the way that maybe someone has hurt us . But again , it goes back to the why you are sharing it . Are you sharing it for the purpose of tarnishing the person's reputation or do you need to share the incident for the purpose of healing ?

We penalize people when we say you know what ? You did something to me , so I'm going to make sure I do something to you , I'm going to get you back . The beautiful thing about biblical forgiveness , though , is that it actually removes the debt .

It says you don't owe me , and our internal motivation is about releasing our right to hold the offense against that person . Whoo , I know that's hard , releasing the right to hold the offense against that person , and you know it's a beautiful thing , because it actually sets the person for the purpose of healing .

It sets the person free to perhaps come in and apologize , or to offer a form of restitution , or to restore the relationship . Biblical forgiveness is a form of unconditional love . Biblical forgiveness , it creates room for the relationship to be restored . You know that is the purpose of forgiveness . Isn't that what Jesus did when he was on the cross ?

He removed the penalty of death and separation and restored and reconciled us back to him and the Father . And I know you might be thinking there is no way that's going to happen in my case and you might be saying you know , I'm not just I'm not even really ready for that .

I'm going to say to you that forgiveness is a process and it is a choice , and with God's help , you can do it . I did it . I had to take some time to consider how am I penalizing these people who have harmed me ? In what ways am I trying to make them pay for what they did to me and trust me ?

People that I talked to even gave me ideas on ways that I could make them pay . But I had to pray and I had to listen to how God was speaking to me and how to respond , and so I want you to know that , with God's help , you can overcome unforgiveness and listen . Forgiving someone is not about excusing their actions .

Sometimes it's important that people who harm us are held accountable for the harm that they have caused . Right Accountability is biblical . Romans 14 and 12 says each of us will give an account of ourselves to God . When Jesus forgave us on the cross , it didn't mean that we could just do whatever we want without being accountable .

It meant that we would not be penalized for our sins , but when we die , we are going to have to give an account to God for the things that we've done . So holding someone accountable for the harm that they've caused us is biblical , and when we want to hold someone accountable for the harm that they have caused , that's not unforgiveness .

What that really is , that's love . Love is an action , it's not just a feeling , and so we actually can love our offender by wanting the offender to be held accountable . Sometimes holding someone accountable for their actions is the most loving thing that we can do . Remember , unforgiveness is about the interior , or the internal motivation to make someone pay .

So if you want to hold someone accountable for what they did because you want to make them pay for what they did , then you are in unforgiveness . But if what they have done requires them to be held accountable for it so that they can't hurt someone else , right , then holding them accountable is necessary and that's not unforgiveness .

You may be thinking I can forgive , but I'll never forget . You know , you are human and you will remember the offense and you may even remember the pain . But it's all about how you respond when you remember .

If you remember , by wanting to get them back , you are not only remembering , but you just might be wanting revenge If you remember , but you have no desire to get them back . But you may still feel the sting of what they've done . You are remembering , but you have forgiven them . So take a deep breath and I'll be right back with some concluding thoughts .

Biblical forgiveness is a powerful act that involves removing the penalty of an offense . It is rooted in unconditional love and has the potential to lead to reconciliation . Now that we've explored what forgiveness is , let's dive deeper and reflect on its profound impact by considering the following reflection questions . How has forgiveness played a role in your own life ?

I want to invite you to just reflect on a time when you forgave someone or were forgiven by someone . What impact did it have on your relationships and your personal growth ?

Secondly , what barriers or challenges do you face when it comes to forgiving others ? Are there any specific situations or individuals that you struggle to extend forgiveness towards ? How can you work towards overcoming those barriers ? Third , how can forgiveness contribute to healing and restoration in your relationships and even in your community .

Reflect on the potential positive outcomes that forgiveness can bring , both for yourself and for others . How can you actively practice forgiveness in your daily life ? Remember , forgiveness is a journey that requires introspection , compassion and a willingness to let go .

May you find the strength and the grace to embrace the transformative power of forgiveness in your life . Take a pause and reflect on these questions , and I'll be right back In the Valley of Baca . Forgiveness is a spring of hope and a fountain of possibilities that flow with opportunities for growth and transformation .

As we journey through life's trials and tribulations in the Valley of Baca , forgiveness will lead us to rivers of inspiration and streams of living water . Then we will be able to rise above our circumstances and turn our Valley of Baca into an oasis of renewal . Thank you for joining me today on the Joycelyn Ignites Podcast .

Join me for my next episode , where we will continue to explore forgiveness in the Valley of Baca . In the meantime , embrace forgiveness as you navigate the Valley of Baca and let it empower you to live a life filled with healing and resilience .

Don't forget to subscribe to this podcast so that you will not miss any upcoming episodes and share this podcast with your friends . To find me , you can go to wwwjoycelynlewiscom , that's www . j-o-y-c-e-l-y-n-l-e-w-i-s . com , and you can find me at Joycelyn Ignites on Facebook and Instagram . Be Ignited .