#2493 - Protect Our Parks 16

So it turns out that that lady that that was a scam that was fake, the lady who uh forced the guy to fuck her, it was it JP Morgan? Uh what? Yeah, wasn't real. She was hot. Yeah, I know. Was that in the last one we did? Jamie said it's fake, right? It's fake? Yeah. It's like a retaliatory. So he just claimed that she said all those things and she made him fuck her. What a pussy. Wait, is he an Indian guy?

I believe so. Yeah. Gross. It does read like an Indian guy now that I'm thinking about it. Like a scam? guy ever just coming up with the hottest scene. She called them cannons. Who have you ever heard of a girl call her tits cannons? Right. Eighteen year old or sixteen year old boy thing. I never heard cannons talk. Cannons, gazongas. I've heard guys talk about a girl's cannons when she's nowhere near them. I've heard cans. Cans and torpedoes.

I've heard cannons, I think. I'm pretty sure I've heard cannons. Nick Cannons. Jugs. Nick Cannons. Yeah Jugs. Jugs. Sweater puppets, fun bags, knockers. They're just boobs and tits. But a lady saying that? That's no lady. I'm sure she said she did? She said I'm sure your fish head Asian wife doesn't have cannons like this. Fishhead. That's what he said. That's what he said she said. Damn. What's that to mean more movies? Is he claiming it's that?

Strip tease. No, no. She was the boss and she made the guy fuck her. Disclosure. Disclosure. Oh, I used to yank it to that one. Oh gosh, laying in bed seeing that Twitter thing. So if she got if he got fired and he made up that story, like What should the repercussions be? Yeah.

You can't just do that. But if it's well written, if it was a guy, the guy would be fi if it was a guy and a woman claimed that the guy said these terrible things, the guy would be fired, he would be shamed. But no one's mad at that late. No, right? No, no. No, we loved the lady. Even in the moment before it was came out as a hoax when they thought it was true, her boss was like, Come on, you can't. Yeah, that's about as bad. Or he pulled her into the office and go

Let me see'em. Let me see these cannons. Bust out the missiles. We just gotta do our research, due diligence. I just gotta see the cannons. Are we sure it's fake can a boy dream? What a great way to have no one believe you is if you intentionally use words like that. Like I would never speak that way. There's been a string of middle uh middle age whores going around lately. Have you noticed that? Well and it's back. It's back, like the the reporter chick who's been banging the football coach.

Uh Christy Gnome was cheating on that guy with the tits. Well, the guy with the tits was fucking rocks. Those are cannons. The chick who wrote the RFK article that had a deeply emotional relationship with him. Oh really? Yeah. Then and then it was crazy. Then there was a second one she had like that. She she likes to get her know her subject. The tech the techs were wild though. Deeply emotional. Pull'em up. Bat both back and forth?

Uh his version was wild? Wait, this is a while ago, right? Yeah, this is a couple years ago. Yeah, it's something that like let my river flow into your mouth. It's like a Dave Matthews song. Yeah. Damn. Does he does he text like he talks? Is it all jumbly? But see, for a lady it's like a free shot. You never have to worry about getting in trouble. Like no one's even gonna be in trou she's no no one's gonna b be mad at her as a journalist even. It's only she's discredited.

No. My husband was like I'm kinda lame. The husband she's married. The husband didn't love it. Oh, she's married which one we talked about freak. Yeah. The reporter with RFK. Mm. Allegedly. He was a heroin addict too. He's a fun dude. Fun. Got after it. I like him. Lived his life. I like him a lot. Didn't use to stutter.

It's not a stutter. It's a it's a vaccine injury. Oh really? Yeah. He didn't used to talk that way? No. It's from the flu vaccine. Yeah, you see v videos of him from the the nineties, he had a great voice. Great voice. Are you reading the text? They're hilarious. It's like Prince Charles. Any dude who tries to be like romantic, it's like you don't know how to do it. It's a poem. Yeah, it's a.

Actually. Oh as soon as you're writing a lady a poem, it's over. How do we know this is true? Uh I think it was it was verified. Olivia Nuzzy. I couldn't be... She sounds like Staten Island trash. You're open now. What she looks like awaiting my harvest. Oh hey, there we go. She looks like fun. Not too shabby. Don't spell a drop. You're open Y R? Who writes Y R for your

Come on, really? Your open mouth is awaiting my harvest? That doesn't even make sense. You think he eats ass? Because that's processed. This is my favorite one. I mean to squeeze your cheeks to force open your mouth. I'll hold your nose as you look up to me to encourage you to swallow. Whoa. Don't spill a drop. I am a river, you are my canyon. Wow, Baha baby. Wow. I'm not buying this. That sounds like literature. But I can't have a Pop Tart.

We can't have Fruit Loops with the good colors. I want these great Fruit Loops, dude. You ever seen Canadian Fruits? They're bland and dim and dull. That's what they're gonna sell here now. It's over. We used to be a country. It's over. But is there's gotta be a way to make'em prettier. Yeah. Without giving you ass cancer. A lot of people getting the ass can. I saw that. Really? I know that dude's like since early thirties. He's got stage three ass cancer. Yeah. But he also took four shots.

Uh huh. For what shots? Ass shots? Vaccines. And that gives you ass cancer? It can give you cancer. Allegedly. Did he boom did he boof the shots? That's the way to do it if you really want to get it. Don't tell me how to take the vaccine. Stuck the actual needle right into the hole. In West Hollywood they're just gonna plunger it. Jimmy boof. You got the boofer. Well Trump almost got a shot the other day.

Isn't that crazy? What is that? That's the third assassination attempt on that dude. The fucking guy run and ran away. You didn't see that. Assassination attempt? It was at the White House press correspondence dinner. Where Reagan got shot. Oh really? So that must the trip advisor must be rough on that one. Was there a comedian there? No. Oz the mentalist. Oz the mentalist, yeah.

He probably kept his mouth shut. He's like, I think we're gonna go attack two more Arab countries. You know what's hilarious? Metzger goes, Did you see the fake assassination attempt? Don't you know? Don't you know about Gilgamesh? He always brings in his references. Bro what are you saying? I don't know the references. Oh you don't know? If Metzger can't get it up, he's like Israel Yeah yeah. Everything says real. Pretty good excuse.

He's the best. He's so fun. What's nice with the shooter was mixed race. That's nice. Is that nice? That's nice'cause you you know you're always like don't be white, don't be white or don't be black. And don't be Arab, be a combo. What was it? Don't be an Arab. Just a American liberal. Wow. Just a standard American liberal. Has had enough of the uh uh whatever you wanna say he is. Dictator. Oh, right, right. Fascism. The whole thing. Fascism, pedophile, you know.

He was like a smart guy, a valedictorian. He was like a scientisty guy. I think he was a teacher. Must be extra tough for those guys'cause they're like so like you haven't gotten into a fight since you were seven. And then you're gonna get a gun and try to like kill a high level person. What a step up. Well he'll he shot a secret service guy. You sit him in the vest. Yeah. Oh shit. Oh really?

Oh, okay. You say the Secret Service guy shot himself? Not himself. It might have been friendly fire. It might have been friendly fire. Is it that lady again? Yes, I think. We were joking around about it in the green room. Imagine if she was like, I know I fucked up way back in July, but look guys, I'm better. I've been working out. Yeah. And then this is their second assignment. Ooh. We didn't talk about this part yet. The tweet.

This is the guy. Oh yeah, the weird time machine tweet. Yeah, this is nuts. So the Cole Allen guy tried to kill Trump. It's not inside the White House though, right? It was at a hotel. Okay, an ex account for twenty twenty three wrote a single tweet with that name. With what? So just wrote Cole Allen from twenty twenty three. The profile belongs to Henry Martinez, a NASA scientist who's missed

the background image from a website called Time Machine. If you de-digitize it, the twenty twenty four assassination attempt photos appears but with a hole in the head instead of the ear. The profile picture is a green toad in a tuxedo with a glass. Exactly like Trump in the assassination attempt. Either it's the most elaborate psyop in history or someone from the future is leaving clues in the past that only makes sense once the events happen.

Okay. Why do time travelers keep trying to kill me? How is that picture the same? That is not the same. That's just a bunch of colors and you could decide it's the same. No, you gotta decode it. Oh it's like squeeze your eyes together. I'll try it it appears if you squeeze your eyes together. Sailboat. What do you like one of those things where you could see like words in a whole it was always a sailboat or guitar. Always

Mall rats. Do you think that makes sense, Jamie? This picture part of it does not make a lot of sense, I don't think. But it is weird that the tweet is strange enough. The tweet is nuts. Yeah, the tweet is strange enough. From two years ago. So he's trying to work up the courage from a lot of Twenty twenty three, yeah. Yeah, and then the fact that it's a frog, it's one of those keck guys. Right. Those nutty fucking pranksters. Well, your news just tried to search somebody's name.

He just got it right. Is that the only tweet this guy ever made? I think so. Weird. There is a bunch of random Twitter accounts that have tweeted random names just one time, so I don't know like what the odds of that happening are pretty slim. I believe these are the eight guys we have trying to like

Work with mentally. So like one of them will be activated and try to kill somebody. So let's get it. So that guy really was is that factual though, that the guy really was a NASA scientist, Henry Martinez? But well so when the people were looking up his history this he had a brief I think like an internship at JPL uh NASA

Yeah. And I think the other guy did too. That I don't know that anybody knows more than that. It is weird where you find out a lot of these guys have all these weird ties. Like that guy who tried to shoot Trump in Pennsylvania was in a black rock commercial. Oh yeah.

It's all connected. I did a lot of commercials when I was coming up and I BlackRock never I didn't get an audition for any of those. Yeah, right. I don't know how you get that commercial. It's gotta be non union. Not only that, like you definitely get brought into the fold. Mm-hmm. He was teacher of the year, this guy. So did this guy get a shot off? Was he close enough to get a shot off? Allegedly. Jamie said allegedly he shot a Secret Service guy. How would these guys get?

But it might have been that lady, the fat lady shot him. Maybe trying to get her gun out. No shit. It's just crazy that they don't have better security. Yeah. What the hell? How'd the guy get in the hotel with a gun? Like how are you not checking every room? How are you not like checking everyone's bags? If you know that the president and all Marco Rubio, all these fucking people are gonna be there.

And you don't and Oz the mentalist and you don't have someone checking guns. Why is there better security at the improv on Black Comic Night? Yeah, throw up a metal detector. It's just crazy that they don't check for guns. I get it if it's like a UFC sniper or something. But like this is so small. Secret Service agent did not shoot himself. I don't think there's any question of what happened here. That video they're playing is the AI video.

Well no, this is the real video, which is blurry. And then the AI they enhanced it because This fucking hotel has shitty old cameras. Oh Which is crazy. So that's the guy. By the way, guy's putting in some fucking work there. There's some speed. He's got wheels. Yeah, he moves. That guy can move. Half black. Teacher. He can shoot. Teachers, you know, it's they work at a school. I mean, what did he think was gonna happen? He was gonna get past all the secret security guys, get through the crowd.

Find Trump behind the stage and shoot him? Like wha how do you think he was gonna get to it? I think these guys don't think it out, but I bet they go like I'm gonna shoot him, then everyone's gonna love me. Yeah, they're gonna be Luigi or some shit. Well it might be schizophrenia too. Yeah. Yeah. He might be out of his fucking mind. But he lived, right? He's in jail? Yeah, he lived. The guy who shot Reagan was like.

I think he's out. Was that Hinckley? Yeah, Hinckley's out. He's playing music. Yeah, he plays music. I think we've covered this on there. Yeah, he was inspired by Jodie Froster. Jodie Foster made him shoot like there is I will be your man. Oh fuck. That's a threat. Twenty twenty three. Recent recent release. Can't we? I like his job title. Criminal. I want to hear I Will Be Your Man. Let's hear what Hinckley's what his jams are like. I will be here for this.

We have to pay for that? No. We'll have to edit that. We'll see. Oh man. He's got his name on the guitar just in case you don't know who shot Lincoln.

What? J F K Yeah. Turns out there was some stuff in there that we couldn't see. CIA. Yep. Maybe some other Congresswoman Annapollina Luna lances house hearings on MK Ultra Network. What is that? A gang? No. You don't know what that is? That's the mind control experiments that the CIA did in the nineteen sixties, seven. Honest people going to hookers. Honest people going to hookers. They took advantage of them. That's one part of it. Yeah, that was Operation Midnight Climax.

They ran broad. Great name. Solid name. Absolutely proven. That's all from a Freedom of Information Act request and from some documents that they found. What was the guy's name? That was like the head of MK Ultra. Jolly West. Yeah. And then he went and saw Jack Ruby and Jack. Yeah, Jack Ruby went crazy. Yeah. Started saying they were they're lighting Jews on fire in hell. Like they gave him acid. He's also was connected to man.

Yeah. Like this guy was running mind control operations all throughout the country. Wow. They ran brothels where they gave the Johns uh acid and the the ladies would come out and give the Johns acid and they would watch through a two way mirror and then film'em. Whoa. Fucking hell of a night at the brothers. This lady's pussy is our road just talking to me. Trying to get laid, and next thing you know, you're fucking seeing Jesus.

Chances is it a candle? You lean into it, that's a good night. Right. If you lean into it. Meanwhile your wife's at home waiting for the milk and bread. I was still gone for thirty minutes. It's the worst lie ever. The CIA, they drugged me. What do you want? How many marriages would completely dissolve if prostitution was totally legal? Are they talking? That's the thing. Are the p the hookers on that? No, but guys are bad at covering up. It's like Uber ratings.

You know? Oh that would be a passenger score. Yeah. I don't want an XL either. Prostitution completely legal. Yeah. And then they had scores. Do you not think gals would do it? I think they would. I think there'd be plenty of gals that would sign up. They're doing it now and it's illegal. How so? Oh yeah, they are. So of course if you took down the barriers, they would keep doing it. Isn't it legal in New York City now?

Prostation? Kind of. I've never been caught. What is the n How many guys have you blown? Motherfucker! I was a guest in this. It was right there. Yeah, that's a laugh. Isn't that beard. Um d but they did do something, were they like decriminalized sex work in New York? Yeah, I think you're right. Yeah. Let's find out, J M Well.

Sex work. I love when they read him for that and have un unhoused sexual. It's sex work until one of them's fucking your husband, then it's a hooker. Exactly. And if you call a girl a whore, she gets mad. Like which one is it? Sex worker. Call girl sex. You're a fucking sex worker. Hey. That's a legitimate profession. It's a pretty funny way to do it. Prostitution is illegal in New York City, but enforcement and politics around sex work are in flux. Ooh.

Anyone else have to do that? Well that's kinda crazy, isn't it? If you have protection for the survivors, so you're saying that they're victims, but then you're also decriminalized. it. So you're making it okay to do, but you're saying that they're victims. No, and c and and like when it's where it is legal, they go like no one's gonna abuse you.

Because you can go you don't need a pimp. Right because you brought it in public here. Right. That's well, listen, if you can give someone a massage, you should be able to jerk. I met that guy. You can't help think about that when you're shaking his hands like sorry they got you, sir. Sorry they got you. Just a normal thing. A hundred percent. They set him up. He wasn't even getting laid. No. And he's like eighty. I never got a massage handy. Me neither.

You should have responded to those empsing emails. There's an app for it now called uh Tug or something. Don't ruin it for everybody that's on Tug. Get on it. Somebody told me how to figure out which one of the handjob places, which one are real? Epstein told me. He goes, uh Huh? You know the what uh no a fr no jiu guy. Jiu Jitsu guy Epstein, yeah. And he goes, You know the ones with like locks on the door? He goes, that there's no business doesn't want you in there.

If you have to buzz in, they're like hold on stop jerking. There's a cop. My friend goes on a lunch break. Like it's pretty popular in New York. People are totally when I moved to Philly, every single person was like, Yeah, that's normal. Totally normal. Are the girls gross? They're Asian. And sometimes you get like a Ukrainian skank. How many relationships would just completely dissolve if prostitution was a hundred percent I think he is.

Date? You're taking'em out? No, not those. Regular girls'cause if I make you wait, you're just gonna get a hooker. Really? So like I better put out. I like that competition. They seem a little looser sexually anyway in Thailand. Yeah. You know, with the whole lady boy thing and they're pretty chill with everything. Yeah. They're pretty relaxed, except for kicking the shit out of people. They're really good at that. They're really good at that. They really it's weird weird, like a laid back

Society's so good at fucking people up with martial arts. You ever look at lady boys using their training? Like before they c turn into full lady boys? Pull it? Yeah. They trained kickboxing. Well, lady boys do Muay Thai too. When they were younger. This was the one famous one that transitioned to a woman but kept fighting men and started getting fucked up.

Because now she didn't have any hormones anymore and or balls. Well and so she's just getting the shit kicked out of her as a girl when she was dominating as a guy. Wow. Like the one thing that you're really good at other than sucking guys' dick. is fucking people up. I know you can't do that. No, I meant on the streets. Oh wow. Is it All right.

That's a guy. Lady boy. That's a guy dressed like a girl. No, I meant on the streets. Like if you pick on one of the streets, they all come after you, but then they use a training. Oh yeah. No, I would have gang up and kick the box of shit out of you. And you're like, I just wanted to beat up a hooker. Why are these why are these half men coming at me? These dainty, dainty men. All right, you need a drink. I got one. Oh, okay. The parks are being saved.

Dude, all over Latin America, anytime I got recognized, they'd be like they'd be like, When are we gonna get another projectile park? I'm like, I'm not really in the area right now. As soon as I'm at Uruguay, I'll I'll let them know. Yeah,

would get questions from people. It was always that. Saying When's the next protect our parks? Mm. Anytime I run into someone somewhere. Globally too. Australia I got it. New Zealand I got it. It's all over. It is fun though when somebody like last week somebody's like, When's the next we're I was like April thirtieth. And they were like, What? Yeah. Keep it quiet. I did that, yeah. It's very funny.

The world needs us. Oh yeah. It's good to be back. Goofy ass fake fucking world out there. Can't believe how many we've done. Cannons. Cannons. We got that going for us. I wonder I want to talk to that guy. I want to find out what really happened. Interview that Indian fellow. Is that what the story is, Jamie? He got fired, then he just made it. No. I think the it was a lawsuit that was filed. I don't I'm not saying that the lawsuit

But they're just saying that it's horseshit, is what people are saying. Does the lady still work there? I believe what I read was that JP Morgan investigated, didn't find it credit. That doesn't seem like a big thing. If I was a guy, I don't think we're gonna put you on leave while we look this up. And then like Trevor Bauer, like, oh he found out it's fake. Like, can I get my job back? Like

He works for the Long Island Ducks. Terry Bauer is a Cy Young, the highest award for a pitcher. He got some chick. Pretty much told all the friends like, I'm gonna go get money out of that guy. Yep. We got the text message. Yeah, he kinda proved it all. But uh Dodgers, was it Dodgers? I don't remember. Brewers. Brewers? No, I don't remember. Moved to Japan. Moved to Japan, try to pitch there. And he's like, I'm good. He told MLB, he goes, I'll pitch for free. And I'm a sa young winner.

And everyone's like, uh That's crazy. Now he's playing for the miners in Long Island. He loves playing. Yeah. And what happened to her? I think she got like a slap on the wrist. Yeah, I think she was like he was like, Don't come after me anymore, don't come after anybody else anymore. That's it? She did photos with black eyes, she got makeup done. He beat me up, he uh beat the shit out of me. It was all made up. It's pretty crazy story.

out there. Crazy. But the crazier thing is like if you are the if it is a Dodger, say it is, to not go, hey dude. We were fooled, I'm sorry. Yeah, here's your contract back. He should sue them for how old is he now though? He's lost years of his career. Yeah. Probably. It's probably over, right? Yeah. He's still great. He just pitched a no hitter. I mean against nine year olds. That's exciting. Um how old is he, Jamie? Thirty five.

That's crazy because like when it all happened with him. Yeah, he's thirty five. He's thirty five now. It was about it was about eight or nine years ago, wasn't it? Twenty tw uh twenty twenty. Five years ago it was suspended. So he lost his prime. That's prime. Ruined his life. He had just won the Cy Young. J he's just won it. Brutal. God Oh my god. So sad. Crazy. Is she violent?

Oh great. That'll cover his fucking monthly whatever. Yeah. Jesus Christ. That's a couple zins out of it. She only got fined three hundred grand. She cost him three hundred million. Exactly. You sh whatever you accuse someone of, if it's fake, you should get that

Punishment. No, I completely agree. Yeah. Absolutely. That's never the case though. Well she can't play for the Dodgers. Who is he with? That's the thing that's bothered me about this. It was the Dodgers? Yeah. When that happened it wasn't a good thing.

Why did I think it was the Brewers?'Cause it was like Bauer. Bower Brewer. Yeah. So if he went to jail for it, that's what she should go to jail for. Because if she's accusing him of sexual assault. He was uh I think she was just suing him, suing him. And then public public um Yeah.

Poor guy. You should have him on. I would. That'd be a great convo. Yeah, that'd be good. I'll at me son he's also I think pretty funny. No way. Yeah. Bro, you gotta get a sense of humor after that. Have you survived that? You survive that I bet you have a wicked sense of humor. Plan in Japan where they all have tiny strike zones. Yeah. That's one thing I think we could all attest to.

Funny guy. Yeah, a little funny. A little more pop. A little more pop to the punch lines. He's throwing one oh two in Japan. How many kilometers an hour is that? Kanye recovers from getting canceled to have the biggest concerts in human history. Standing on top of the world with clouds. Bill Cosby must be amazing right now. He's blind though. He can't read his notes. Ooh, it's tough to read off a teleprompter. But I don't think he ever read anyway. I think he was all in his memory anyway.

He w I I I don't even know if he writes if he or if he just like sits down and comes up with his stories'cause he's like a story guy. Yeah. He is pretty good. I heard the album. It was like it really paints a picture, but then you're like then you listen to like Kennison and you're like, Oh this guy Cosby is very slow. Yeah. But it's a different style. It's like listening to, you know, John Denver versus Metallica.

Solid comparison. Yeah, you gotta be in the mood Rocky Mountain higher doom do do do do do do do do do Dun dun dun dun dun dun dun blasting it blasting it last night. Bro, that fucking concert in Moscow. Yeah, it's the best ever. That is the greatest fucking thing I've ever seen in my life. Fuck yeah. Norman, don't be scared of the loop of of that Fine. That's fine. It's a good thing. It's a yearly reminder. We're gonna close out with a live Freebird. From seventy seven. Fuck you.

Here it is. Look at this. We're doing it again. Imagine how puffed these people are. Communism is dead for a little bit and then Metallica's on stage. It's so sad that rock is dead. It's all we were talking about. Yeah, it's all queafy now. When was the last time? Where's the new rock bands? The new Zeppelin. White shirt's been around for a while. There's some smaller bands.

Right, but where's the big ones? It used to be Van Halen, it used to be the biggest part of music. Rolling Stones, Shrek. A C D C. I know. I mean Aerosmith. It used to be the biggest part of music was rock and roll. What the fuck? That's kind of crazy. Nice. Bodega cat, ladies and gentlemen. Aerial bullet fine bodega is all across Manhattan. You got that right, Fatty. Get a bottle.

But yeah, now it's country. Country's huge now. Which is fine, but what happened to Rock? I know we don't have to do that. I love country. I have no problem with country getting huge. Yeah, what happened to Rock? What happened to Rock? Who are the biggest They said garage bands are coming back with kids, which is kinda means nature is healing.

That's a good sign. Yeah, kids are tired of playing video games. Want something real. But the uh the the the thing about the that doesn't make sense about rock music is everybody still loves it. Right. Everybody still plays covers. Oasis is doing giant arenas all over the club. I took acid at that Oasis concert. Really? MK Ultra? Chicago. I got MK Ultra. Yeah. Yeah. I was just watching the concert. How fun is music on acid? It's the best. See, I've done acid since college. I'm I go shroom now.

That's responsible. I see how it worked. I mean apparently if you listen to the dead on acid, it's a totally different They were playing too acid. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like they weren't playing for you to not like it on acid. You're supposed to like if hey you guys are acid, let me entertain you for a second. Yeah, you're supposed to be on acid. It's like those uh ayahuasca eco road.

You listen to'em normally, they're not that interesting. But if you're jumping on D M T they're pretty fucking incredible. I got some Roger Waters we were doing a podcast here, meet Sigore and and Bert and you and you're like, What are you doing tomorrow? You wanna stay? Roger Waters is playing. I was like, Oh I gotta this is so funny. It's like I was like, I gotta leave. You go, Why?

I'm like uh yeah, I don't know. But I'm like but uh my hotel I have to check out tomorrow it goes You were personal guests at Roger Waters. Yeah. You gotta shout out Roger Waters because he was way ahead of everybody calling out the genocide. Way ahead of everybody a long time ago. A long time ago calling out how they're treating the Palestinians.

He's a little frosty with the heaves though, is he not? He got frosty with me. Oh there you go. He got frosty with you. He was livid at me. Oh that was you were fucking with him. What'd you say? He was on acid and he was fucking with them after the show. We were all hanging out and Roger was drinking. This was uh

It was so much uh we had a one day permission to do one thing. Exactly. Exactly. Exactly. Come on guys. I'll give you guys each a drink if you let me do one one piece of paper. I chose the devil's cabbage. I was scared of the acid'cause uh who knows where it came from.

Like all right, I got a business to run. I can't go crazy right now. I did some, Tony's ex did some. And I I remember we were back at the hotel and I was looking at this picture and I was like, damn, this is a crazy in the middle of the concert. Full on bowling. He came up and sat next to me and I'm like, what's wrong with Ari? Freaking out. I'm like, dude, are you really? I was not okay. He didn't even know what the dose was. He just

It was fresh too. I had to let it dry in the A C of the car over there. I'd hold it on the vent and let it dry some. It was like blob or paper. It was so good. See that's the thing with that, you don't know when it's gonna end. You don't know where it came from. Also, you don't really know when it's gonna start. I took a little I took a little and I was like, this shit's not working. Give me another one.

Oh that old move. Oh boy, that old move was instead of painting in my hotel room for twelve hours. Yeah. Gotten that second one. Got the second one. They take that second one and then they can't escape. This is how those stories start. Every time you're like, maybe I'll take the other half. And they roll right into schizophrenia land. Hey. Maybe your mom's not real your mom.

Early years of comedy, I pitched a show and l and Lionsgate picked it up. And I flew out they flew me out to LA to pitch the show to Netflix and Amazon. It was the biggest deal of my life. And the night before I did Tripoli's show. And he gives you a bag of weed stuff. You know, and I was like, I can't do weed, I'm a wuss, I'm a lightweight. He goes, Well take some C B D and I go, Oh, okay, I'll do that. I wanna get some sleep. So I chugged a bottle of C V D and it was THC.

I woke up, the bed was vertical, I was hanging on to the the post. It felt like the carpet was sinking with me. I was gonna go the next day. I had to I skipped it. I couldn't go, it was too high. It was high for like Fourteen hours. Oh yeah. My manager's like shaking me, like, you gotta go. And I'm like, I can't do it. I can't face it. So funny. You should have went.

Oh god, I would have sold it. I would have shoved my hand up your ass and operated you like a puppet. I would have made you go. I would have sold like Duncan Trussell's show if I'd if I showed up. But I couldn't face him and I he would like I think they dropped me after Dun Duncan is the absolute best at saying like fucking around. Like he he was going, Hold on, I just got a text from my wife's boyfriend.

How's he doing? Not good. Turns out he's got syphilis. Poor guy. I hope he gets better. Just casual. There's nothing worse than getting that high though. Like McCusker McCusker used to make weed gummies when we lived together. He would make homemade Wow. He would like try to make cheese. It was crazy. And then I'd just be sitting there playing Xbox and he'd be like, here, take some of these. And I'll just try them out.

Uh but one time he left I did a show at a casino outside of Philly. He gave me a bag of gummy bears. Obviously I got fucking hammered. And I was just in my hotel room just I ate'em. I just ate as many as I could. Did you know that they were pot gummy bears or did you think they're.

But you can't stop it. But I was hammered. I was like, they're so good. I just killed that fucking hotel lobby. That was great. And then uh I woke up and it was in a casino with no my room had no windows. It was in the fucking basement. Oh. And I didn't know my buddy was also I was like, You sleep in my room. He was on the floor. He was this kid that opened for me in in the morning. I woke up and I was still high as fuck and I was just like In the darkness I hear somebody like

Shane. I was like waking up wild. Wake up high side. You remember the days where Joey Diaz would have people in the church of what's happening now and he would swap out

the twenty five milligram edibles for two hundred and fifties. He did it to me. There's like a package like this, whatever. And I see it it says twenty five. I'm like, I'm you know what? I'm a ten guy, but when I'm with duos, I'll go twenty five. And then I ate it, but then something nags in your head, you're like, Why was it twenty fifth? How is it open? How is it tilted a little? Right. And then I was just like kept talking and I was like picked it off and you just see two fifty. Oh like Joey.

Killed me. Oh, he would give Lee Sai at five hundreds? He would give him two five hundreds. We just got Lee again on four we did a four twenty episode. And Lee was like, Oh yeah, back to that. Indy five hundred. Five hundred milligrams? Yeah. It blows. You know what's crazy?

Jmo Jamie can do a thousand and it barely hits him. Shut up. Is that true? You have the body fat. No, no, no. He's got some weird enzyme. You gotta go with a slice of pizza or something. Doesn't work on it. Wow. Okay, fair. Damn. Yeah, it just doesn't work with his spectrumy. Yeah, anything more than his super brain just shuts it off. Like nope. Not interested.

Well the UFCs are always great. We take like fifty in just like six hours or something. Well you guys took acid in the UFC before. We were up in the bat seats and we took acid and me, Red Band and Diaz. And then Rogan, it was kinda early on and Rogan's like, Where are you guys? We're like, We're up there and he's like seeing us, like, Are you guys flying? We're like, We're fucked, dude. And he's like, Where are you?

Half half of my day was thinking about them being on acid watching these crazy fights with the Meshby soap. It made me jealous. It felt like it was so fun. Yeah, yeah. I'm like, why are you cheering? You might get hurt. This is like two thousand. Imagine seeing Brock Lesnar on asses. Terrified. He's a warrior, that guy. Like a Viking. You ever see his daughter? His daughter's a champion shot putter. What? No, what'd you say? She's a fucking Just delete. Oh shot put.

He thought I was shooting a gun. Bro, she's shooting. She looks like a fucking gun. They're definitely related. Watch her. Yeah, 100%. But watch the video. So go to a get a see if you can find a video of her. She's a beautiful sturdy lady. I agree with Shane. I I have nothing but respect for you and your family. Oh sturdy.

She's a Viking woman. I know you do. Look at this. That looks pale honky. Bro, that's crazy. Imagine blowing your shoulder out trying to fucking throw that thing. Woo wee. Imagine her grabbing your balls. Don't get over the line. Don't get over the line. Make a warrior with those jeans. Yes. What's the mob look like? Huh? A dup shot? She's just a tad. She's uh she's a pro wrestler. She's a fucking transformer. She's Optimus Prime. Get the mom up. The mom is hot.

Oh yeah. That's the mom. Whoa. That's right. Whoa. Sable was so hot. That's what I'm talking about. The puppies. But bro, look at his genes. Th those jeans dominate. Nice cannons. Those are Viking jeans. That's what Iceland looks the way it is. Viking G. Oh, is that them now? Yeah. Oh hell yeah. She's ten years older than stable. She looks great. She's got a bit of a bulge though on the right.

That's our hands. Oh god. I love you, Brock. Brock Leslie's gonna fucking kill you. He's gonna find you. Brock and roll. He's writing your name down with crayons right now. He's got that sword tattoo right here. Just a real warrior. Yeah, he said he got drunk and d didn't remember it and woke up was like, What the fuck did I do? Yeah, right. You just regret it.

That's a lame tattoo. For sure. For sure. Well Steve How's got a dick on his forehead. Yeah, but that's for fun. Yeah. He gets tattoos on a on a A T V. He was on the podcast and it was like first couple of minutes and it was like Do you have a dick tattooed above your eyebrow? I've done his part. I didn't notice that. Good impression. Yeah, it's pretty new.

He was on a few months ago. Yeah. J Mo. Not even. New jackass coming next month. Yeah, look. Oh man. What a lunatic. Wow. Yeah, I wouldn't read that. Post Malone tattooed him. Post Malone. Well, I don't think you have to be trained. Dick's got a quite a curve. Pretty good. Are there rules? He might he might actually know. Are there any rules as to like who can do a tattoo? I don't think so.

You could just do it though. Do one to your friend? I saw fear. You could just do it with pen. Interesting. Huh. Interesting. Steve O's a good egg. He's a fun dude. Steve O rules. He's a fun dude. Jackass rules. I was so excited when I heard. It was like Oh, they're doing another one? June. He played a bunch of the scenes where in Knoxville did too of him them all getting concussions.

And I was like, How many I asked Nazical, how many times have you been out? He's like, At least sixteen. Wow. Sixteen times. Out cold. It's funny when one of them gets Like Reddit rap for not going hard enough, like Knoxville did once, and he goes, Fine. They I'll step up and I'll literally blow a ball off. Oh, yeah. And then like and like Danger had one where he's like, I'll be the one this time. Knoxville always went so hard. Yeah, it was it was bad it was bad feeding.

But they were like, You're protecting your face too much, All right, I'll show you. I asked I asked Weeman, I was like, Who got PTSD this time? He was like, England. England's fucked forever now. Oh yeah. What? Why? 'Cause they put him in horrible situations. What do they do to him? I don't know. I'm waiting to find out.

What Jamie? I'm talking about this one'cause the last one they got him. No, they got danger error last time bad with the bear and shit where you could tell he's like, This is never gonna leave. And the fucking donkey in the one, that was terrifying. He just walked up behind when the goal was to get him Bucked nuts. You have to stand behind him. He's just behind him like shaking, then they're all making fun of him. And the donkey kicked him? Yeah, got him right in the balls. Oh my god.

They had to get into a room. He obviously knew something was happening. He knew something's up. He just can't be He looks great. He does look pretty good. He was always a handsome devil. He is a handsome guy. So he's in the room strapped to a table. Just shocking him. He's like, Come on, stop, it's annoying, but I get it. And then what happens? They cover him in honey. Oh no. Oh, and he's like, what is that meat? Yeah. What are you doing? Relax. Out. The fucking honey's in my eye!

Oh god. Oh shit, that's something's opening. He's got a chain on, the bear. Uh uh keep watching it. The chain is probably just so they could pull him off. Yeah. Stay calm. Oh, is he gonna lick him? Oh, yeah. That's a good point. Chance free. Talk to it, Aaron. Try to calm it down. Oh, this is wild. This is crazy. Are you really allergic to bees, Aaron? Oh he's trembling. They shock him. I didn't even get the answer.

No no. Oh. Is that like salmon? Oh my god. Oh, this is crazy. He's so frightened. Oh it's got the paw. There's nothing more in there. There is though. There's nothing more in there. That's not so bad. What if you just came? They fucked with him real bad though. This was

So it's a trained bear. Sort of though, but it's a bear. Yeah. Yeah. You know what's nice is Bam. They let Bam back in the group. Oh, good. Oh, really? He's in the next one. Bam. And who does he skating again? Yeah. Yeah, it's it's a bear. So what happened to him? You just went off the rails? Drugs, pills? Fairly soft. Now he's back. He's back.

Bam rules. There's a video there's a video I saw and it was like uh asking all the Jackass people who can skate and people like, oh Wii man's pretty good and then someone's like, No, Danger Aaron's pretty good and then just starts the chiron just going, It's bam. Yeah and then John Knoxville's like, I can go to Ollie, like it's bam. But that was good. I met him a bunch when I was going to college. Really? Really? Yeah, I went to college in Westchester where they all were.

So like Yeah, you'd see him around town. Yeah. He was always just the man. He owned that town, huh? Oh yeah. It'd be at it'd be at the fucking Wawa, you'd be like, Holy fuck, Bam's here. Holy fuck. Holy. With his eyeliner. Yeah. I drove by uh Castle Ban, this uh you know the house they have? Occasionally just drive over and look at it. Yeah. Every kid's dreams skateboard shit in the back.

Oh I love the game. Maybe, but no. This was real. Bam's dad got fucked pretty hard though. What happened? Well they would just be a good thing. Phil. He would just w c wake him up and just start punching him in the face. It was great. Sweetest man on the planet. Come on, man. Cut it out. I'm sleeping. CKY. Crazy that those guys did that for so long. Oh, yeah. seemed like a thing you could only do like once. Hell, they're still going. Yeah. Like how old are they? Like how old is Steve?

He's gotta be fifty. Fifty. Here look with the Yeah. What are we gonna do to him? Oh the dad finally gets his revenge. He is hiding behind the door. Yeah, Jackass Rules. It's the best comedies. It's just crazy that those guys made a career doing.

Yeah, that was became famous just fucking each other up. We all copied'em. I mean my friends were outside filming us jumping into trees off the roof and shit. Totally. It was we all were like, this is the coolest thing ever. Yeah. They were all had to be they were the first ones like, don't do this. Anyway, that's the legal part. Now why don't you try to do it? Shit's fine. We're having a blast though, you should try it. But don't do it legally. Yeah.

How is the new Fear Factor? I know Knoxville's hosting it. Knoxville host yeah. He came on to promote it. Yeah. He's hosting the new Fear Factor. I love Jackass so much. Yeah, me too. He's a good dude. Johnny Knoxville's a really nice guy. Coolest. Yeah. Although his dick is broken. That sucks. I think it's fixed. Oh, great. I think they fix it.

Okay, everyone's getting'em. I got'em. So everyone's getting dicks these days, these are the Wait, you got stem? Yeah. Whoa. What does that mean? Ways to I don't know. It's been one day, I don't know. How do you feel? Do you see that thing that I sent you today? No. I sent you an article there this with this video this lady is saying that the the one operation that has the least amount of success and is the most unnecessary is meniscus operation.

I had one too. I couldn't walk though. What do you mean? They said rehabilitation is better. Like keeping the tissue in there and rehabbing it is better than having it removed. Interesting. Yeah. I don't know. I had I had mine removed on my left leg. Yeah. But it does fuck with me more than my right leg. And what'd you have on the right leg? Just I have a tear, a meniscus tear, but I just held it.

I tore I tore it doing a kicking contest with Joe Schilling. Whoa. You're a jackass. We were he just wanted to see who could kick harder. Like he heard I kick really hard, he's a world champion kickboxer so he wanted to kick this thing and he wanted me to kick it. Dude with jeans on the other.

What'd you do? A bag of the arcade? We have this machine in the back. You hit it and it shows you like rock that though. With no warm up at all at fifty two years old. Just fucking slammed it. Joe Shelley came in three hours early. Stretching. No, he didn't. He did no warm-up either. That would be a great jackass. Joe Rogan kicks you. Yeah, that would be bad. It's the hardest thing to watch too. Because he was already rocked and fucked up and then Butterbean put him out.

And they're in like a target or something. Yeah. They have the cra the the extra level though is that it's not just somebody, it's butter bean punching you. Or it's not just taking a slap shot, it's somebody from the Predators fucking slapshotting it at your face. Oh yeah, Francis Ngano punch him in the balls. The cup test. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh there he is.

This is this is mean. I mean this is too far. I can't watch that. Yeah you can watch it. All right. Let's watch it. Watch this. And Francis doesn't even hold back. I mean that's gonna ruin your junk. Oh dude, that kind of pain is crazy. Also, that's a terrible cup. That's a shitty cup. No one should ever doubt danger ever again. Watch this one more time.

Oh my god. The realization on his face when he's like it's worse than I thought it was gonna be and it's real. Bro, it's like getting hit by a car right on your dick. Brutal. Right. Look at the eyes change. And the thing about those shitty cups is sometimes those shitty cups hit your nut. Like the cup actually your balls are kind of like poking out the side a little bit and the cup slams in the ear. It was fitted. They were just like, real solid cup with a compression short.

See Gen Z or Gen Alpha will never have a jacket. You don't think so? No, I think they're not. But what about these streamers that keep getting beat up? Yeah, they're came up. Oh, is that is that a thing? Yeah, these streamers are like picking fights at people and getting fucked up. All right, all right. Yeah. Yeah, there's a lot of streamers that are getting that.

Fuck beaten out of'em. Yeah. In a good way? Well, I mean they're getting they're provoking people and occasionally they provoke the wrong person. They fight club it until somebody picks a fight back with them. There's this one with uh Tiki. Tiki fought for the UFC. He's like a top level trainer, manages fighters.

And this uh streamer kid is in his face telling him he's gonna fuck him up. And T Tiki's like, Oh really? And he's like, Yeah, I'll fuck you up for sure. And then he like moves too close to him and Tiki just cracks him. Is it the elbow? No, I think he punched him. I don't know if he elbowed him or punched. It's so hard to tell'cause it happens so fast. Mm-hmm. But it's like the dude's in his fa and this is a dude that d this guy, watch this. And he's got a drink in his hand.

Yeah. Is it an elbow? Slow that down a little bit. That was right on the jaw. Yeah, it's an elbow. Nice elbow. What did he say to him? Nice elbow. I'm sure that was an elbow? He said he was gonna fuck him up. What? No, but is that just cause the Yeah, I thought he's the wrong guy to fuck with. Right. Like Tiki's really good.

Tiki Masala. He's big. I wouldn't even if he didn't do UFC, I wouldn't walk up to him and be like, What are you gonna do, pussy? Exactly. Crazy. I knew to drop it. It was holding whiskey. Right. Well that's probably why he didn't put it on. He let it go. Yeah. Drops and elbows. Nice technique too. One more time on that, Jamie. That was a hook the kids. Well the elbow's just as powerful, dude. That's not a good thing. Especially coming out of Tiki.

So he let's see what he says to him. He said a bunch of shit to him. Straight up. Are you the guy that got slapped on video? I did, but I'll slap the shit out you know. I'll make you another clip. Oh do that. Seriously? Oh do that. Oh But these some of these streamers man, they make their whole fucking career out of doing stuff like that. Oh, he got up. Who's that guy? Wow, he got up? It's hard to say what's going on. Or is that the bouncer?

It's hard to say what's happening. It is hard to say. It's not him that got up, it's some other it's a girl or something. Well I think he probably got up too because I see the black jacket. It's the But it seems like he ran in the that's him. Run ran in there after him and threw a couple of punches at him. I mean the fact that he took that is pretty impressive. I would have gone night night.

Yeah, but you wouldn't have you wouldn't have been there. I wouldn't have been going, I'll fucking knock you out. I would have never done that in the first place. The whole thing's crazy. I'd be like, Hey, he was talking more shit on the way up. But there's so many of these guys that are picking fights, they're just doing anything they can to get attention to go viral. Yeah.

It's like a nightmare. Walking down the street and someone's like, What's up, bitch? Oh boy. Well I'm gonna look like a pussy. I'm not gonna do it. I hate those. It's some guy with his Girlfriend at like at like Target and they just start mocking him and mocking the girl in front of him, forcing his hand. Yeah. I want to fight you. Who are you? That's how people get shot. Yeah. For sure. Yeah. You do it in the wrong place. It's terrible.

But it's just these kids today, like there's so many of'em that are just trying to get famous. Like th the number one thing the kids want today is to get famous. You know, they used to like do a list what do you want to do when you grow up? What are your goals?

Like a giant percentage of'em are get famous. That's true. What's up with that clav clavicular homo? You know what I'm talking about? I think he's the opposite of a homo. Who? I think his whole thing is looks maxing to get chicks. That sounds gay to me. Looks maxing. What is looks maxing? Well one of the things he does is apparently he hits his face with a hammer to put micro micro brakes in his face to make his jaw looking at the biggest. You're just man to man trans. There you go.

Man to man tree. Yes. Gender affirming. Yeah, it's gender affirming it. Is that trans for girls? Yeah. Let's do it. Absolutely. I like it. No, don't take fake tits. Leave fake tits, but you can't fucking make us you can't be it's gender affirming. If you're like men look this way, then you're like, all right, so It's a separ it's like you can be something you're not. Mm. He gets laid though. Oh, I'm sure he does. He's a handsome fellow. He's very handsome. Yeah, he's a handsome.

And he d yeah, he talks about it because like he finds it better than Adderall for controlling his appetite. That'll do it. Like this is the thing. Like they want to be lean as lean as possible. Yeah. You can't do meth, but It's harder than not or if we control the appetite. How about just self will? I don't know if he overdosed the other day on stream. What do you overdose on? Which one is he? They don't say. That's him. Yeah, he is handsome. He's pretty handsome. So would he just fall apart?

You know what? I I actually saw this and he was what was cool about it was how nice he was to everybody. Oh. Like even while he's like f overdose overdosing, he's like people are coming up, can I get a picture? And he's like, Yeah. It's probably not Molly. Maybe he only does it on Molly. He looks like he's having a eight. Definitely Molly. Yeah. It could be Molly. That may maybe be why he's so nice to everybody. Yeah, that's not a K hole. I bet in one of those. You don't smile. Oh really?

Shit. But is that overdosing or is he just on it? That's why it's the clips are going around. These terms. Mocking and everything is toxic and dangerous. Look at that. Streamer looks maxing culture is top uh culture. What is gooning? What is gooning? Gooning is a thing. What's gooning? Jerker masturbating to just really obsessing over anything. Okay. So like a stalker is gooning. Ooh, could be.

I don't know if you're getting that right double goon. It just means like you're obsessed over something which is like like masturbation all the time, and that then it's become like obsession. But I think it stayed with masturbation. It's definitely just masturbating. It's it's all it's basically just being as horny as you can fucking be and it's very funny. All right. I've goofed quite a bit in my day. Yeah. Oh yeah.

You're a gooner. I'm a gooner. Yeah. All right. I'm getting some beers, all right. What? Can I get one of them beers? Yeah, it's beer time. I feel like one of those. Joe Rogan's back. Yeah. Eight months off the sauce. Wow moderation a drinking uh withdrawal until Trump said he could do mushrooms as well. And he goes, Okay, fine. Fine, I'll drink. What was that like beating the oval off? The whole thing was strange. How about sending him a text message?

Explaining everything to him and him saying, Let's do it. Wow. Dude, let's do it and then the next day. Yeah, let's do it He's getting texts from B. He goes, Yeah, fuck it. Yeah. It always works out for me. Shut down the street. Who gives a fuck? He showed up at the uh UFC event. He shakes my hand, he goes, It's done. Wow. And then a week later we were in the White House with all the vets. All those vets that had taken Ibergain and

save their life. You should have had okay, it's missed opportunity. You should have had all those vets and then a couple like dreadlocked white guys. Who are also like, this is gonna help me a lot. This is gonna fucking rule. I should have had Duncan. Duncan dressed like a shaman. Everyone's gonna benefit from this. With what a hat on like you're wearing. You should have wore that fucking hat.

With a suit behind the present. Well, I had a suit jacket and everything. I was prepared, but it was in the other room. But he goes, Come on in the overlap. He said he brought me in the Oval Office early. You were not wearing a suit? I didn't see that. I had a jacket, a suit jacket I didn't have a tie. I was gonna wear a tie, but I hate ties. I said let me just dress like I dress at the UFC. It looks fine. So I wore my UFC fucking outfit. So you were like Zelensky in a track.

No, I a nice button up shirt, a nice pair of pants, nice dress shoes. I was respectable but I just wasn't wearing a tie. And but I did have a suit jacket, but it was in the other room. But he dragged me into the Oval Office. Come over here, look at this, it looks so beautiful now. He's like showing me all the new gold work. The Oval Office has like gold everywhere now.

It's like all gold leaf everywhere. It's pretty impressive. Him. Oh. Yeah. He loves gold. Definitely not the Persians. Bin Laden loved gold. He loves it. He he like loves doing up the oval off. Shenlai took a tour. Yeah, I'll see you. What? Yeah, we took a tour of the White House. When? Two years ago? No, no. A year. A year ago. Five years. No, it's not.

our head in with like our feet just on the outside. Like hold my hand like in there. So the big Gulf of America. Oh, this is back yeah. He had literally map next to his desk that says Gulf of America. You're like, damn it's a map of water. Especially'cause you're like walking through and you're like, damn, Lincoln's cool things and then you see Gulf of America next to the desk and

Hey what is that really gross bill that they just passed though? What is that FISA bill that they just passed, Jamie? Yeah, something just happened where everyone people are freaking the fuck out. It has something to do with uh them being able to look into all your private communications without a warrant.

Oh, I don't like that. Is there a new one? Someone told me that every new car is gonna have AI testing to see if you're drunk or not. Twenty seven and then they also won't abuse it. In twenty twenty seven. Bad news look at you while you're driving to make sure that you're not hammered. Get video of you. No more smoking joints to be able to drive. Get an old car. That's what I got. Get an old Mustang. Good. Thank God. We should force him to reject it. Jesus Christ, this is crazy.

Three-year extension of Section 702 of Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Act that allows federal government to collect communications of non-citizens outside the U.S., though it often includes communications with American citizens. But then if they suspect you of it like with Tucker, Tucker was communicating with uh Putin's people to do an interview through signal. So they took his encoded si is like so it's all encrypted. They took his encrypted

Signal and they decrypted it. Someone who does this stuff explained to me said it cost about six hundred thousand dollars to do that. They said they can decrypt encrypted messages. They just have to get the data. So somehow or another they got the data off of his phone, they unencrypted it and then they contacted him and said, We know that you're meeting with Putin. He's like, How the fuck do you know?

They're like, we read your signal. And he's like, what? Like But he's like, yeah, I mean, I am meeting with him, I'm doing an interview. I'm a journalist. Yeah, well that was his position, but it was also his position that he's using an encrypted app, like they unless they're suspecting him of a crime, they shouldn't be able to look at his encrypted messages.

Mm. So like this idea that you know, you're sending things on signal and no one could read them, I think that's bullshit. I think it's more difficult to read'em. So local cops are not gonna do it if you're just buying Molly. Right. That's not worth six hundred grand. Exactly. Right. Exactly. Heg Seth shit get leaked too on Signal. Remember that? Like a year ago? I think that was because th those

people accidentally included a journalist. So it was like a giant group of like ten people or something like that and one of'em was a fucking journalist, these knuckleheads. And the journalists just released all the text messages. So they were sending emojis after we bombed Iran.

Suicide note purportedly written by Jeffrey Epstein weeks before his death in jail has been kept secret for years, locked up in a courthouse. That means investigators scrutinizing his death lacked what could have been a key piece of evidence. There's a brand new note for it. No one's just

Everyone's not reporting. Well, how about the fucking autopsy that says that his prostate was unremarkable, but meanwhile he had his prostate removed. Oh boy. There's a lot of people that don't even believe he died. I think he's alive. I think they just face offed him.

And he's living a good life somewhere. You just think it changed him. Yeah, I think the all the people that all go to that stuff like don't worry if we kill you, then we're all worried about ourselves. We're just gonna relocate ya. Israel. Israel maybe. That's what I heard. From Metzger. From Metzger.

It wouldn't be Israel. He'd live somewhere like Why wouldn't he live in Israel? That's a place where he's most protected. No, they'll kill him in Cambodia. You gotta live in Israel. No, there's parents in Israel. Of who? Yeah, but you know that's like the number one place where like sex offenders go from America that are Jewish, that are in trouble. Yeah, exactly. I didn't know that. Yeah. They take anybody in. Yeah, they're Jewish. Especially Jewish people.

Wow, Juiceville had a run. He had Madoff, Weinstein, Epstein. The other guy. Nice. Hell of a run, you guys are. Cosby Berg. Yeah. Kind of proves Picany's point a little bit. I don't love the uh the the Kimmel shit is annoying. Like the f the fighting with Kimmel over the jokes. Like, come on man. He said that joke he said that joke on a Thursday. On Friday nobody gave a shit. Because the assassin

Kimmel. He said a joke about Melania. He made his own mock White House press correspondence dinner. Right. And he said Melania has the the glow of a woman who's recently widowed. Okay. Just that's it. It's an old guy joke. Like he's gonna die. Yeah. It could be, or an assassination joke if you want to take it that way, but he is old. Wait after the attempt. No, before. So it's on Thursday, and this is Corolla's point, that's a really good point. He said no one gave a shit on Friday.

It came out it came out on Thursday. No one cared on Friday. No one cared on Saturday until Saturday night when the assassination attempt. And then all of a sudden everyone's blaming Kimmel. It's so funny that the right wing turned into the same fucking pussy faggots that the left wing are. It's the same shit. It is the same thing behavior patterns. You could call them left or right. I mean, this is why the left

Supports war in Ukraine. It's like the why the left supports censorship. It's like the same patterns. It's control. Control and power. You want your side to win. Yeah, a hundred percent. That's where they found the note. Where? Nicholas Tartakulion found it. Who's that? The guy who killed them.

The fucking superjacked contract killer cellmate that he had. Mm. You know that story? No. His cellmate was a fucking superjacked cop who killed drug dealers. Yeah, dude was a gorilla. I mean fuck show Ari a picture of the guy. Tartaglione is this fucking huge evil corrupt cop. Yeah, super guinea. He's like a roided up guinea. Damn. Get a images. I'd like to see this cat. Look at that. Imagine that guy's your fucking cellmate and sucks. And he's killed four guys.

Four drug dealers and contract killers. What's he in jail for? Murder. Oh. Quadruple slaying. He was in there for fucking dogs. No. Dogs are all his buddies. Cute little dog he's got to be. He's fucking ripped. Murdering people and then they put him in the cell with Epst uh with uh Epstein. And then he said Epstein tried to kill him eighteen days before he died. He complained or excuse me, he said Tartaglione Uh tried to kill Epstein. Epstein complained.

Whoa. And he found him un they found him unconscious and unresponsive. Cobb McGrath, however you say. Whatever they do. Crob Maghrov. Yeah. Crob MAGA hat. Mm. That whole Epcrazy. Here's what's crazy. No arrests, no no No one's like being brought in. Meanwhile, Comey is getting arrested for a photo of seashells that say eighty six forty seven. He's getting arrested for that? Yeah, what's eighty six forty seven. Eighty six get rid of.

President forty seven. But you could say kill. But eighty six is if you get fired, what happened to Mike? He got eighty six. Right. It doesn't mean you got killed. But this is a crazy thing to arrest someone for. Of course. FBI arrested in Virginia. Appears briefly in court. Well they already like pad it out for him. I know. Yeah, it doesn't disjust the precedent. That's already

That's the worst like that's crazy. That's the craziest one. FBI was like, Oh, you went after me? Well now we're going after you for nothing. It doesn't matter. It's nuts. It's nuts. Like you're going after someone for something that's just silly. It's all eighty six forty seven is get rid of forty seven. Right. Free speech. But it's just like arresting a guy for that is nuts. Come we don't play that. Yeah.

I mean it's one thing like if you have like a photo of him like an AI you post an AI photo of him dead. You know, with bullet holes in him, like wouldn't that be nice? But even that. But even that's okay. Yeah, yeah. Well the secret service would be directed. Right. But he's a former FBI director. So he's a private citizen at that point. He'd already left the office. It's crazy. Trump can take a shot, but not a joke. It's just retaliation for going after Trump?

Well, it is, but it's like they're just looking for any reason. But it just doesn't seem it seems like there should be other reasons. Like if the guy really was dirty, you should have something on him other than this seashelf picture. He just hates him and he's using that. I know, but it sets such a pressive pressure. I'm like, this sets a crazy press. Yeah, I understand you want the undocumented criminals out of the country. I agree. However,

Death squads on the street. Setting a precedent for militarized people with seven weeks training to be walking around with fucking weapons of war and flak jackets with no ID and masks on. That's all I'm saying. Like this is a slippery fucking slope you're going down. Yeah, it's no bueno. But then also they wouldn't have to be there like that if there wasn't these or there wouldn't be any conflict if it wasn't organized, paid for protest.

They paid people to protest. They paid people because they had the fucking all that fraud in Minnesota. Yeah, but the reason why I was in Minneapolis, why the fucking the the protests were strongest in Minneapolis and organized That's where all the people were getting caught. But it's not it's not you don't just give Randos guns and go, All right, they went over they overstepped so to hear you're seven weeks training, go ahead, go now.

So yeah, you get a fifty thousand dollar signing bonus with Joy and by the way, a lot of'em lot of'em are Mexican. Lot of'em are Mexican. Intuding the two guys that shot that dude in Minneapolis, both Mexican. Gotta make my nose. Excuse me. Hispanic. Sure. Latino. Had Latin names. Oh, interesting. I was at the airport in Philly and uh ICE agent was like yo my man, what's up? No

Do you see that Trump renamed it instead of ICE? Now it's nice? I saw that. It's nice now instead of ICE. So now you're protesting nice. It's national. Immigration's customs enforcement. He's done it again. Never mind. Man our leader. That's funny. He's a wild boy. Still funny. That is funny calling it nice. Did you is your thing about to go off? Is that where you stop it? Just realized I left my kid in a Somali day care. I gotta go pick him up. He'll be fine.

No, if you don't know about Alex Freddie, you know about that. Good for you. But killed two citizens? Well the w there's one lady that got killed in a car because she was they were trying to tell her to stay po she was protesting and fucking with them and then she drove when the cop tried to step in front of her car She's clearly turning her wheel away from him. She's not trying to run him over and he just Who a cop or ice? Ice guy. Yeah. And he said fucking an American born citizen?

Oh yeah, yeah. Fat lady. A crazy lady who's kinda anyone, but yes. Lesbian. Allegedly. Yeah, but the girlfriend was there. Did you believe in them though for real? Oh yeah. She looked like a lesbian. You don't think? No, they seemed legit. She had a kid. She looked like Brock Lesnar. She she's a n newly lesbian lady. Okay. Newly lesbian? It was pretty bad. Pretty bad. Yeah, pretty bad backlash. And then this Alex Predict.

And so he was open carrying or w c concealed carrying and like physic physically pushing cock Like it was kind of crazy. And then they tackle him, they found out he's a gun. This is where it gets crazy. One of the border protections agents grabs the gun and is taking it away and unfortunately the gun accidentally goes off. The gun that he was carrying is called a SIG P three twenty, and it's notorious for accidental discharge.

So this is confusing because it's hard to tell'cause the video's a little grainy, but most people who are experts look at it. say that that gun accident accidentally went off without the guy touching the trigger. But also, the cop has the gun. The cops moving away with the gun. They say he has a gun. Cop for the ice people. The cops say he ha the it's border protection.

It's not even ICE, it's a different organization. So the border protections guys are moving away with the gun, the gun goes off and these guys think the guy has another gun and then they start shooting. And they shoot'em and kill'em while they have'em down. This is all my interpretation based on videos. I I might not be accurate, but I've seen the video. It does look like the slide moves, it does look like the sound of a gun going off.

corresponds with that slide moving and that gun is notorious. Like if you look up SIG P three twenty online, accidental discharge, you'll see Tons of videos of these guns accidentally going. I haven't had one of those a long time. I used to have the when I'm a kid. The wet dreams. No, I used to talk about it. That's an accident. Let's talk for twenty minutes.

Yeah, so you missed all the ice all the fun. Good for you. But it's like the only reason why there were violent people in the streets protesting is because it was an organized, paid for protest. They actually Physically paid people to be there and protest. They gave them signs. How do you get on that list to to get paid for that? Still like

Yeah, you don't just put random people and charge your people. I mean you do have to get rid of all the cartel members and all the criminals that came across the border. I mean they let more than ten million people into the country over four years. They're like, Oh Saddam Hussein's a problem, let's go in there and kill a million people. Yeah. We we're like not the best people to handle stuff and we're like still like we should handle it. You know who else does it? Who

Israel. Blame everything on Israel. I'm not blaming everything. It is amazing how many high profile Jewish people just they have a opinion about everything. But when it gets to this I Yes. Avoid that or come up with some random way to justify annihilating an entire city. Yeah. It's just funny to me when Americans are like, hey

This other country's overstepping. Yeah, we bombed the band twice. Yeah. Afghanistan, I write those fuckers had it really come to twice? The second one was just going, Hey, check this out, Russia. Yeah. I guess so. But yeah, whatever. Well that was a long time ago. That's true. Everybody did that's dead. But based on today, we Well they're looking for Hezbollah. They gotta look under rubble. Mm, Barney Rubble. One more time with that ladder there. Thank you. There we go.

It's a wild time to be alive, kids. It's wild. But at least we're gonna have drugs soon. That's pretty nice. Well, at least all those people that are hooked on pills are gonna get off of'em. A lot of them are at least. It's gonna at least give them something that works. How come we can't get free health care? Yeah, right? What the hell? I'm paying out the ad. Why can't we do that? I bet if they took all the money from fraud, it would pay for health care ten times more. Oh yeah. Why not?

Right. Well that's what's annoying, all these politicians like if we get this much money we can cure this. Well let me have all this money. What what are you doing? I think one hundred percent free health care would be an awesome thing. But you d also want doctors to be incentivized to be really good at their jobs. For sure. So you want like the doctor Gettman, the guy that did your knee and did my knee?

That's a these are bad. We should be able to have both of those things. Like public school and private school. Right. Public defenders. You're allowed to have a public defender. Really. Yeah. You just go in a pharmacy. See somebody like here's your pills you need, here's your here's your drops you need. Isn't it dirty needles and weird equipment over there? No.

Really? Harvard trained doctors. Come on. Yeah, there's just no upsell effort. Universal healthcare system in America would cost approximately three point oh to three point two trillion annually. Oh. That's a lot. Which is actually less than the current system that costs around five point three trillion per year. So you're talking about a savings of almost fifty percent. Why don't we give why don't we give free health care?

So a savings of four hundred and fifty billion annually while providing coverage to all Americans, according to Perplexity, our AI sponsor, which is never wrong. The United States currently spends about five point three trillion in healthcare, fifteen thousand four hundred and seventy four dollars per person as of twenty twenty four. Even when something goes wrong and you have insurance, it's not paid for.

No. You gotta spend five grand to get anesthesia and then another five grand to go downstairs for the surgery. So what do you think is the problem? What is it what is causing insurance company to make you president? Oh thanks. It's insurance companies.

When I read a Jew. I got my I got my teeth checked in in Ecuador and they were like, You haven't packed a gums? I was like, all right, cool. I was about to go home in a week. I was like, When I go home I'll do I'll fix it. And they're like, Are you nuts? Do it. People fly here to get that surgery. Mm-hmm. Because it's so much cheaper. Flight, hotels, all that is much cheaper than doing it there. Yeah. And like we have a surgeon and I was like, is he like trained? And they're like

Yeah, he went to Yale Medical School. Dude shows up, sacrifices a chicken. Exactly. Well, this is why they clipped Bernie, because he was trying to do this. Got rid of him. That was one thing he was trying to do. It kinda blows. It's embarrassing. All right, let's put him this how much would it cost if uh school, like higher education was leak was free?

Oh, that's too much money in that. They won't do it. Well that's the same exact thing with healthcare. Yeah. Yeah. It's unfortunate. That's where we're at as a country. It's all the same reason we're doing war. Money to make money. Of course. The oil nothing else. Not even just oil, but defense contracts. They need to be a little bit more. Let's find out that how much is the war let's just say globally. That's what I mean. Shutting down the fucking street Ukraine.

money to d bomb Iran. Just that. The simplest lowest run without the economic impact, the oil impact. What about the Hormuz and all that? Well that's that's a factor. But let's just find out how much the raw money spent on the bombs. Twenty five billion. Sixty days into the war. How much is Ukraine? That's a lot more. So b what what concerns me, not just well, all of it concerns me, one of the things that someone told me was that we've kind of depleted our weapon supply.

Because we bought we don't keep that many of those fucking missiles. Oh, you think it's is? No, I think it's out of Sanya? It's out of it. It's us. It was money. But it's all it's all together. Big scam, Ponzi scheme. Everybody's making money. You should get Trump on here. We're doing great. Don't let anybody lie to you. Maybe you maybe next time we schmooze him into free healthcare. Maybe next time we shomooze him into a protect our parks. Come on, dog.

Yeah. There was a pill I had to get like three of. When I went to Asia or something and it was like I got two here, they cost me like four hundred each, and then the same it's the same drug. It Myanmar it's like forty dollars. Well that's one thing that he has fixed. One thing that Trump is working on is making whatever the low price is internationally, the price that people pay in America. And he he told he's fucking hilarious.

He was telling a story. I I've got a friend, I don't want to say his name, very successful. He's a big guy. He took the fat pill, it didn't work. But he was going on about how his friend went overseas, he forgot his fat pill. He went overseas and he was in Europe and he got it for like a hundred bucks. Yeah. And he's like, This is like thirteen hundred dollars in America. It's crazy. It's not right. It's not right. And so he made it so that whatever the low cost is in these other countries

That's the low cost in America. That's what it costs here now. Is that right? Yes. That's good. Everybody's on it. It's like you're not gonna get all good. Any drug. You know, you're not gonna get all good with any president either. You know you're gonna get a lot of bad shit because all these people are surrounded by demons.

They're surrounded by warhawks and demons and defense contractors and scam artists in the pharmaceutical industry. There's all these fucking people that are trying to make sure that they can make the most amount of money possible. Just all coke snort and demons allegedly. I was watching this documentary on uh the homeless here in Austin. And they're talking about how like I was on schizophrenia medicine, I can't afford it anymore. And they're out there just sprinting.

Ooh, that's a fucking shot. I think I took some antipsychotics and slept for four days and huge mistake. He was like, Does he take it? I don't know if he takes it. It was expired, so I guess not. Jesus Christ. It helps. Yeah, it's like a little bit less effective, but still good. Yeah. Yeah, but I don't even know if it's less effective. This this thing was saying that it's a hundred percent effective for a long period of time after the expiration date.

I don't know why they have an expiration date. It's not like milk. Right. Yeah, the healthcare thing is really embarrassing, to be honest. Obviously no one knows how we gotta do something too. A giant percentage of those people are addicted to drugs, right? A giant percent of fentanyl zombies.

You need ibogaine for all those people, mental health facilities, you need to get'em on whatever medication to fix their schizophrenia. And it's also it's not even like a fucking goodwill thing. It's also like We need to fucking clean regular cars. Yeah. It's it's for everybody. So what are we doing? Why are whatever. Skid Row in Los Angeles. Skid Row in Los Angeles is fifty blocks. Fifty blocks.

Five zero. Americans pay more than two times the next country for healthcare and we get the seventeenth best cover. And we're the sickest. We're the sickest. Yeah. It's nuts. We spend the most money. And within Toronto, it was clean. Yeah, you just go right to a doctor. Even just driving around, I was like, this is crazy. How did how are we getting why is America I know. And our shit is locked up at the CVS. They don't have that. Everyone's stealing.

Well, there's a lot of steel and mark the most. Yeah, yeah, I love to steal. Well fucking stealing. Yeah, I got a problem. Movie theaters. You do everywhere. Come on, don't sell yourself short. I gotta watch it now. I gotta watch everything.

Just for food off the thrill. A little bit of a thrill. Can I get the Winona Rider thing? It's cheaper too. Yeah, it's cheaper. I mean, Mark the last time I saw I saw Mark Steele, we're s we're in a movie theater and I got some popcorn and it's I'm sure it's closed by now. And then uh the lady turned around and got my popcorn and then he just had beef jerky in the movie. Yeah, they were selling it.

How'd you get that? I guess it's most expensive item. I just reached for it. Yeah. Oh boy. They upped the prices. Yeah. I mean you get you get a Hudson News cliff bar, it's eight bucks. Not on my watch. It's ridiculous. Not on my wife. Once you're on the plane, you're home free, you know? You're raising the cost for the rest of us. Yeah, you are. That's why it's got they put that in. They they factor the the theft in. You're a successful person. That's outrageous.

Yeah you don't no one's gonna be sympathetic towards you. I'm not asking you to. It's a fun ride. I don't want it. Diaz one time at the at the uh airport he just comes off from one of those bodegas and he comes on and he just shows me tic tacks and it was like, What is that for? He goes, Yeah, right, I got that. And they just threw in the garbage. Wow.

That's a ballsy steal'cause it it rattles. That's a hard steal. That's a hard steal. That's right. Check bar is quiet. Sharp is hilarious. I don't throw it out either. I don't throw it out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Joey's going up for surgery today. Uh oh tits. Canon reduction surgery. He's getting top surgery. He's getting his tits removed. He's getting that big scar. About time. How many times have you seen it? Just once and it's burned in.

I've seen it. Joey Karate. Joey's seen it. Yeah, Joey Karate's great. Is he around? Did he move here yet? No, but he's coming back and forth all the time. There he is. Joey Crown. Look at that thing. That looks like AI. That's crazy. Jesus. How's he alive? Without context of a background, it's wild. Wow. Bro, that belly is That's crazy. You gotta have a decent hog if you're gonna have that gut. Is he grubbin' or boozing? What's that what is that? Grubbing food.

Food. He's grubbin. Oh yeah, Joey can't stop eating. He doesn't really drink. He doesn't drink at all. I go to eat with Joey. It's it's a scene. It's a fun time. He loves it. Oh that poor ghee. He goes off. Heats. He eats. He fucking loves food. But it's just Oh we got a new Chinese place by my place, you gotta come. It's the most fun human sucks. Yeah. He's bar barely a real person. So he's still getting up on stage. He's still doing sets. Really well done. Good to have him back.

That's the thing about comedy, we're kind of losing the uh the wildness. You know, when I when I started comedy it was like Geraldo and all these guys are all dead now. Drugs. I think it's kinda coming back now. I think it's coming back because T V's going away. So it's like it gets down to the root of what is really effective in comedy. It's wildness is more effective. It's it's more fun. If you're sitting there drunk in a crowd and some dudes on stage going off saying crazy shit.

It's more fun. Yeah,'cause you've got to do it. It is more fun, but I don't know if that's actually here. I think it's a lot of fucking guys with jobs. Sober, a lot of sobriety. Gotta get up early for a podcast tomorrow. These young guys though. These young guys aren't like that. A lot of these young guys coming up are doing drugs. Or doing clips. Well they're on clips, but they're they're still wild boys. Some people are still giving it, bringing it. You hope so. Well,

I know Mac he was drinking when it was just a drinking crowd. It was a lot of a lot of whiskey. They there's there's that here. Here. Here for sure. Yeah. Like last night. We did it last night. Yeah. Oh, what happened? We just had a A couple of drinks. Just some brosie and bros. I was begging him to I was I've I've changed my new uh come on drink. I'm like no I gotta get up early tomorrow.

I'm like, oh, you're gonna call me gay and lame. Bro, I've been gone. I've had time to ruminate on this. You can peer. No, I'm just saying like I want to drink and I don't wanna be alone if you're alone. No, I was no I was like I was like tomorrow's gonna be tough for me. I'd like it to be tough for somebody else. Do me a favor.

Chug that fucking drink. Yeah. Dear one. He always comes in, he has no idea what your count is. He just comes in and goes, You could do more. I'm like, Yeah, I could have done one or seven and you would have no clue. You gotta go more. He's the shot. It's my birthday month. Yes, yes. He's like a fish. Like a chick. He's the biggest pig in comedy. He is a pig, dude. I hate him.

He'll hand he'll pour shots in your mouth. He doesn't care. He'll tilt your hand. He'll also go, like, Come on, don't be a pussy, do a shot, and then you do, and then Ten minutes later he's gone and he's at KFC. Uh

He's so funny. Oh he shits on weed people too. It's hilarious. He hates weed. It's so weird. I I like his drink. He's classic drinker. I'm with him, dude. He's classic drinker. I think he was just around a lot of uh all the New York comics got sober and then just smoked weed constantly. And then they're like, Oh, you're drinking again? It's like, dude, dude, you haven't had a thought in fucking seven years. So, it's all munchy.

Ah Yeah, this some pe I mean everything could be abused. There's only a couple of people in comedy that do weed like real good. Like soda J. Sure. But they're like they're just the same. Go middle. Chappelle. Spell. Spell. Because yes, most people go in on weave. Freeze load. They still are out and fun. It's a personality thing. Totally. They're still still active.

Yeah, most of the time. But also I think it's a biological thing because I think it affects people very differently. Definitely. Can you get high when you smoke? Yeah, Jamie gets smoked. Okay, cool. Edibles just don't work on the kid. That's wild. Young Jamie shrugs him off. That's crazy. If you try to dose him up, he'll smile right in your face. Jamie, I'd like I'd like you to have a brewski. What's going on? It'd be nice.

We talked about this earlier and I'd like I'd love for you to get involved in it. Put on the beer. Put on the beer. All of a sudden I'm talking well it worked. He's drinking. Exactly. He said something nasty and that's fine. What is it? You talked at me. I'm trying to include you and have it let's have fun. JMo's a sassy bitch. He's just being

Just clarifying. He's an assassin. Well you said it was a discussion. I mean it was one Yeah, a little discussion. And then I said let's go watch Sixers Celtics. Let's have a couple beers and go to a bar and watch the Celtics. Peer pressure. Five times. Five days. You can upload it with four beers or something. You're Pierce Morgan. Yeah. Leave it until Monday. We don't care. When do you get in that car? Tomorrow. A root a tree fell on his car. Really? From what? The winds here?

Oh, they they building seven your cross. Yeah. I get prefab fucking or whatever those things are these new Austin houses. Yeah. Which are all the exact same, which I I kinda don't fucking like it all. Is it the same one you've been in? Oh yeah. It's like a fifteen foot ceiling for no reason. It's one floor. Elko it looks everything. It has this type of wall that's like standard. It's a beautiful house.

It's nice. It is very nice. And I've the last house I was in was a fucking Queen's apartment. But that had more soul than this place. More soul for sure. But when I first walked into the house I'm in now I was like holy. Fuck. This moving on incredible. Yeah. Yeah. It's not a fucking piece of shit. It looks like a house from a porn. It's an Airbnb too. It is an Airbnb. Yeah. It is weird how money changes you. Yeah. Like it changes what you're accustomed to. Mm-hmm.

You get a little a accustomed I was thinking about this yeah, yeah, you get accustomed to nice things, but I I keep trying the chains. And I'm just not really changing What do you mean? Well, as a human? No, yeah. The cement is dry. Yeah, it's mechanics, it's light beers. It's like all of a sudden I realize I'm just getting drunk at higher places.

Right. Like I'm just in a taller building getting drunk. Yeah, with more expensive beer. Exact same beer. Everybody at Deep Creek. It's the same beer, but the price is everybody at Deep Creek was like poor white trash.

In like Maryland and then they're like got rich and like when they were poor they're like we can just barely afford one bud light and now they're rich, like ten bud lights. What is that? Deep Creek. Deep Creek Lake is where pontooners go to parties. Yeah, pontoons go. Where's that? It's like deep almost by West Virginia. Man made giant leg. It's perfect.

Same with New Orleans, we'd go out to the Bogachitta and tube all day. Remember tubing? Tubing. Do you sit on a river with a beer afloat and a circle? Yeah, you just peel the water. I think it's good that you're not changing. It's a good change. No, I mean you change a little ruin you got some good stuff going on. Literally if you said this to Shane yesterday, if you go, you've changed.

He'd be like, What the fuck is that supposed to mean? Well, it's just wrong. And I'd go, God damn, I wish I could. He dressed the same. But you're not gonna stay in a holiday express. Sure. You've handed a nice hotel. You've handled fame very well. Sure, you've handled it pretty well. You haven't gotten weird at all. Yeah. Some people get weird just from the pressure of it. It's just a few years. Almost everybody.

Yeah. Almost everybody. Yeah. Ninety eight percent get like different. I'm thinking of eight comics in my head right now who have gone full diva. Yeah, they get weird. It's very strange. Shane, I know you have not changed. You've changed, bro. You probably changed. What the fuck? Wait, you wanted Tony, motherfucker? Now this is this is a high taste of aluminum. Some people like the aluminum taste.

Bottle bottle beer taste in a can. What? It was some it was it was some out some beer and they go bottle beer taste in a can. And I was like, is bottle beer better? Yeah. I like give me a glass bottle, but a lot of this Bottle beet tears in the case. Keystone. That's what it was? Bottle beer in a can. What? My memory served?

Bad beer. This is a commercial from nineteen forty eight. That's what I remember. I remember Israel got independence and I was watching this commercial. Yeah, have you guys have you guys watched the Hogan doc? It's good. I fucking cry. Really? It's so good. When he's getting sued for taking down Belzer, he rules. And he's like, I was making thirty five hundred a month and I'm getting sued for five hundred thousand. I was famous, but not rich.

And they're like, What are we gonna do? Oh, he rules. I didn't even know he got sued for that. To go into MSG? I mean he choked the guy on conscious and he didn't call it for him. He dropped his way. He did he could've I mean John Jones used to do this all the time, but at least it was soft mat. This was like hard floor.

Just like threw it. Yeah, but John Jones is doing in a UFC fight against The Ori Machida. Yeah. He does it and then he th he sh if he just laid him down, it'd be like point proven. Right. But he had to bring it. He's on TV. He couldn't have fellows drunk and on steroids And non coke. Someone's like, yo, your shit's fake. Is that what Belzer said? It's so funny too because he's like, Oh you think I'm fake? Is that fake? You're like, No, but you don't do that.

Do you remember when John Stossel confronted that wrestler backstage? Yeah, and the wrestler just bitch slapped him a bunch of times, slapped the fuck out of him. I think that ruined that guy's career though. Stossel or the wrestler? The wrestler. Uh I never heard of this.

Who was the wrestler? Stassel's still around. Stossel's still around, but I think it ruined the wrestler's career. Whoa. I feel like he in my head he looks like Sid Vicious or Well he's a giant dude and he bitch slapped him open palm to the ear, which could definitely make you go depth.

But I mean if you told BJ Penn in his prime or or or or or anybody, like I think what you do is fake, they'd be like, it's not. John Stasel was slapped twice by WWF Wrestle Dr. D. David Schultz backstage Madison Square Garden after calling pro wrestling fake. During a twenty twenty expose. Incident left Stasil with pain and ringing in his ears, leading to a lawsuit against WWF. Jewish wrestling.

He gets him in this sleeper hold and he go he slumps and then he just drops him. Head hit the f hit the floor hard. What the fuck? So Belzer was talking shit, saying it was fake. Great host though. He pops right up and goes to commercial. All right, we'll be right back. Yeah. Heads bleeding and everything.

That is crazy. Oh wow, look at the blood on the back of his head. You know who spurting out on his jacket. Look at that. What a pro. Yeah, that is Chris Rock could have learned something. Quite professional. He seems happy. Look at Mr. T, that's a good thing. He doesn't seem upset at all. And then he sued. Yep. But he gotta be a pro. But also you gotta be you know. I mean his head looked like Kennedy.

Four hundred thousand dollar settlement. Famously used the money to buy a home in France, jokingly named it Shes Home Shea Hogan. That's fun. He bought a house in France. He lived in France for a while. Yeah, got it. Litigious. Yeah, he didn't use to pay medical bills. He bought a house.

It's like that means that's a bonus that's a good thing. In France. That's a due move. And I think he was still doing that Law and Order show and just flying back and forth to France. Met him once. It's the funniest thing'cause I saw him in like early, early, like doing those late night shows, you know, as a kid. Mm-hmm. And he was like, Oh, that's a comedian. And then he's done a lot of comics have this trajectory. Do nothing comedic. Yep. It's like comedic coded serious.

But he was a comic. Yeah. He did a lot of comedy. I saw him s do stand up in Boston in the eighties. Just the funny guy in serious roles. And not even that funny. No. And then dropped stand up. Well just money and ease. It's so easy. guy who made a song called Cop Killer. Like he's like I'm rich now too. We're both rich. Don't even worry about who we used to be. That's interesting.

Yeah, so eventually they go, I'm just not that I'm not twenty five anymore. I know, but I mean Still a Carlin did it till he died. No rivers like anti-establishment, never changed who he was. Tell us what Belzer was beginning in the beginning of the world. He wrote a book on Elvis. Bigfoot and flying saucers, I think was the book. I read it back in the day. It's a conspiracy theory book by Bells.

Five different conspiracy books. What the fuck? UFOs, JFKs and Elvis, conspiracies you don't have to be crazy to believe. Wow. Dead wrong, straight facts on the country's most controversial cover ups, hit list, an in-depth investigation to mysterious death. Of witnesses the JFK assassination. Wow, he's ahead of his time with that shit. Yeah, he's he was an interesting guy. Jewannon. Very interesting guy. Wow. He was the host. He was always the host.

Oh really? Crowd warm up. Back in the day he was, you know, like a comics comic. Yeah. But there was a bunch of those guys like like Leno was the comics comic back in the day. Oh when I started they were like the second best comic they also said prior, but like the second best comic, who is who is that gonna be? And a lot of people were like it was Leno. Isn't that nuts? Yeah. What? Apparently in the seventy he was a fucking animal. That's what it was an animal. Like you get that for a reason.

Yeah. You get you don't just some open mic or who gets a tonight show. Yeah, but it's that thing. The tonight show was just the golden thing. Oh he's got the bonds. Da da da. The seventies was like the golden era for those kind of comics. Oh yeah. I mean you had uh Carlin was he got f I think four heart attacks from Coke. Whoa, really? Something like that, yeah.

Maybe Pryor was four and he was three, but they were both up there. Jesus Christ. I didn't know Carlin had that many heart attacks. I mean give it a goog, uh J Mo. How many heart attacks did Carl he had three heart attacks? Yeah.

We also had a pill problem for a while. Yeah. He had to get off pills. This is like later in his life. Right. Like late late in his life he was hooked on the pills. Oh yeah. Carl Carlin. Yeah. Late in his life. Deep into his sixties and seventies and stuff. He was the coolest of all the old Amazing guys I met. Chanel's up there for sure. But like I had to go get him a sandwich in the door. He did like a month at the store. Shut up. Yeah, a month of main room shows. Oh yeah.

Uh 2001, 2002, 2003. And I got him a green blast table. I go, here you go. He gave me twenty bucks. I was like, oh no, no, man, they covered it. He goes, I know. It's for you. I was like, oh, all right. Sorry, Mr. Carl. He goes, don't call me that. Yeah. He was cool. George. He was very unassuming. He was hanging out in the back area by the parking lot. He would also sit in the back in Mitzi's chair. You know that one and and if you did well, he stayed open mic sometimes.

But only if he did well. He'd be like, Good job, man. What? And then other people didn't and he'd be like hi. Yeah. Wow, he zinged me pretty good once. Yeah, he was a real comic. I I did a he did a book signing'cause he had all those books.

And I brought like four books to meet him at Borders on Wall Street. Uhhuh. And I waited in line and all these people are going like, I love you in Jersey girl, I love you in Bill and Ted's and I was like, Ah, these people don't know comedy. So I went up and I was like, I love this this special, back in town, amazing, whatever and he goes What do you do? I go, I'm a comedy goes

Yeah, you got a real talent for jacking around. That's what he said. Jackin' around jacking around me. It seemed like he hated me. You got a real talent for jacking around. He goes, You sound like a comic. I go, Oh yeah? He goes, Yeah, you got a real talent for jacking around. Jackin' around. I don't know what that means, but I I'll take it. Seventies lingo. Yeah.

I mean he was around the day when Lenny Bruce was around. Oh yeah, he got arrested at his show. Did he really arrested with Lenny Bruce? Yeah, they were in the same cop car. Really? It's a big story. Well but that was his hero. Carla came in the shoplift. What? Delete that, Jamie. Jamie. Jamie, delete that place. Jamie, delete that place. I didn't catch it.

We didn't even try to sort of sort it out. We didn't even know you were joking. We all tried to sort it out. Like what is my message? What does he mean by the way? Leave it to Israel to bomb. Oh, those guys paved the fucking road. Mm-hmm. Tell you that. Getting arrested for jokes. Forget a heckler or some blogger. What ruined ruined Lenny Bruce's life. Tell me. Like at the end of his life, he was just reading off court transcripts on stage, and the people get so bummed out.

They're like, hey, tell some jokes. Yeah, like we're here for you to do the thing. There's video of it. I bought video back in the day, VHS tapes of his recording. And one of the recordings was him on stage in this small club like just reading off court transcripts. Right, right. Yeah, I can't. It's so crazy. You did an offhanded thing and then now it's your everything. Mm-hmm. You got beaten one race by a chick and now that's your whole life. By a tranchector.

That one. She went north. That girl who lost who came in fifth at a fucking race by a trace. She should go, Why the fuck is this allowed? Not ten years later. What do you mean? A comic got beaten in a race? Not a comic. No, he's talking about your analogies. She's going we should have laws about this. The swimming? Oh that's Riley Gaines. It's her whole fucking personality now. She didn't go to school for that. She was on a track. One thing happened.

And then she's like completely changed. Same as when comments get canceled. It's like she had a good point because not only did she not lose to that person, the Leah guy, but tied. And then the Leah guy got the trophy and no no, but there's more to that. No, they tied for fourth. Yeah. Fourth and fifth. And they go, Hey, we only have four trophies. We're gonna get killed if we don't give it to the trans lady. Can we just send you one later? Do you know how crazy that is though?

Do you know how crazy that is you g give it to a guy who pretended to be a good thing? I'd be mad if that was at a fucking comedy competition that no one saw. No, they'll say we'll send it to you next week. Well wait, why is the guy coming in fourth? He should be one. Yeah, for sure. This guy sucks. First, second and third nobody cares about. Fourth and fifth is what they're arguing about. Hm. Wait, I I don't understand what your argument

Oh is like who cares? Is like yeah, obviously. No, no, no. So make it your whole life after that is what you're saying about canceled comics. But they they become that thing. I understand, but she was going to school for not that. And now that's her job. You're saying it changed your whole trajectory. What'd you go to school for, bitch? English, literature, breaking down analysis of life and stuff. Are you doing well on that right now?

Yeah, you're doing terrible that's failing you. No, you say these cancel comments go and they can make that their whole life. This chick is not doing that. She tied a race for fourth and fifth, and now that's all she does for a living. What is an example of a canceled comic that's made it their whole life? I don't want to name anybody. Right. But you we've just talked about that. There's a lot of things that we're going to do. Sort of.

It's on Netflix now. That is pretty cool that Netflix bought it and throws it on YouTube. I don't care. It's it was already on YouTube. No, absolutely. Can you keep it on YouTube as well or you have to take it down? Hey, interesting. How many views did it have on YouTube? Uh. millions. Eight million. Eight million. It should have been six. That would have been great. Chain at the creek is like fifty. Fifty three. That's insane. Yeah, there's a Indian guy that broke the record in

A week. Wow. Oh, is that a Indian comics put it up in I th somebody sent it to me and they're like, He broke your record in a week. Damn fifty five minutes. Is it in Indian? Is it in Hindu? Yeah. Is it the Canada's guy? Yeah, he's gone.

But how do you know with th this is a thing with views these days though. There's companies that will jack your views up. Yeah, but that's sure, you gotta pay for that. Yeah, but you could pay for it, but you could get millions of views that way. You can see the difference in like Well we always do this when we talk shit about people who do it. Engagement. Yeah, they're like they're like five million views, thirty comments.

Right, right. Right, right, right, right. What is a view? How much of you do you have to watch for a view to county? That's a good question. The best is when you send someone uh like an agent or something, uh like a clip. You know, for them to see. And they go, We watch it, we're not happy with it and you look at it like it still has zero views. Ooh. It's a private clip. You definitely didn't watch it. Or more embarrassing when someone sends you something like I just did.

That guy sent me something and I've watched it. Oh over and over. He's gonna see all the views are just me going. That's so sick. Oh, that's so sick. I feel bad for young comics. Everything is about views, shares, number of followers. How many followers do you have? It's not even about funny. Yeah. It is. I think eventually the cream rises, but managers will literally be like, We gotta hire this guy. But they don't know shit. Well, yeah, they're not.

I just with the comics today being worried about you gotta put out click or clips, you gotta do the it's like sh sure, yeah, it's like do it, but it's like Build an act. I don't know. Comedians always have excuses for why they're not successful, which is fine. But they're all like, Well, this guy, yeah, he's on He put all those clips out and did all the

Whatever works, man. Try to be funny and someone's doing well. Who gives a shit if a YouTuber selling out a comedy club? Who fucking cares? It's about you. What are you doing? Exactly. Just do your shit. And I understand. I fucking love that thing that you did where you did that documentary showing all the leading up to Boulder, the new thing that you did. Yeah, it was great in the background. The documentary. It's great. And it it's a great insight as to like the development of bits.

I really appreciate it. I wish you were my dad. Yeah. By the way, I could be your dad. Mark, I want you to know. He told me that behind your back earlier. Whoa. Me and him were just sitting out there. He was like, You see that thing? I was like, fuck no, I'm not watching. Yeah, it's an hour long.

It's really good. What is it? On the way to the special? Yeah, I did it. Ten sold out at the Dallas Improv and the special taped like a week or two later. So I was just tweaking and fine-tuning and I filmed all the bombs and all that shit. It's really great. Cool. It's really great because Like him and a bodega going over the bits, like reading drinking coffee, reading over his lines and then tweaking it and changing them. Yeah. Yeah.

Hour and twelve minutes. Uh oh. Not the gay quote. So yeah. Struggle itself towards the heights is enough to fill a man's heart. One must imagine syphilis. Syphysis. That's a thalicus that was pushing. Did you do this? I didn't do that part. Who did Albert Camas? The director beat his ass. It is a little pretentious for what this is.

Come back to Earth. Yeah. Oh God, Mark. Why do you have a nice ass, you fucking homo? I'm clavicular. Why do you have nice legs, you pussy? He micro fractures his butt cheeks. I was deadly hung over there. That's hilarious. Just shitting it out. But it's a great uh it's really great for comics to see, especially young guys coming up, like what the process is like.

You know, to see a guy like you who's been the game a long time, is really good. Yeah. See a bunch of specials already. See you bombing and tweaking and showing everybody the bits not working well and then working really well. Thanks. I enjoyed it. Yeah, there's this idea that everything's magic. No, but when you show'em like their struggle, they're like, Oh, okay.

Just trial and error. Like I how many times you see Louis Bomb and you're like, Well this guy's the best ever, yeah. Chris Rock used to come to the store and the the crowd would go nuts and he would say, Relax It's not gonna be that funny. Right, right, lower your own. And get laughs occasionally and sometimes not and then tweak it afterwards. Yep, yep. That's part of it. Bomb that's why Eddie Murphy can't come back.'Cause I don't think he's willing to bomb uh, you know, six months.

It's not even six months, it's years. We've had this discussion on this podcast before Kelly. It's also it's the Velvet Prison, the movies, the fucking craft service, getting picked up in a limo. It's like the grind of writing your own material, putting it all together, everything riding on your back, like that is a Warriors game and you some people don't want to do that anymore. It's also like you gotta do a Tuesday at the stand where there's nineteen people.

back in the day not wanting to do it because movies were so much more lucrative. Oh yeah. Good as now. And it's like, dude, do stand up. Yeah. Yeah. Like a just do stand I mean. Go, I would take a pay cut if I did a sitcom and it was like a couple people. And now it's like kinda everybody. Yeah.

You'd have to make Seinfeld money like season seven and beyond to go, Oh, I'll take off the road for this. Totally guys. Now there is no Seinfeld money. It doesn't exist. Miss Pat is the only person with a sitcom right now. What about this guy? D T. Oh, that's right. Yeah. But you have tires is different though'cause it's a single camera. Yeah. Like tires is like a show. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a show.

It's a great funny show. Thanks. But it's like there's a difference between the the the thing that everybody wanted was the live audience. Four camera, you do it on NBC, CBS, you get residuals. That was like the golden carrot that they hung over your head. Totally. Stand-up stand-up couldn't pet.

No, nobody did anything but clubs back then. It was like Dice Clay, and then afterwards it was Dane Cook. We saw a billboard, a poster, his thing is like a museum, and uh a poster for Evening at the Improv with him and Chris Rock. Who's that? Uh David Spade. Oh, wow. And uh I was there with Nate and and he goes, uh, you did like club for this? And he goes, Bro, we only did club.

None of us ever did theaters back then. If we were really good you'd do six days at a club, but Carlin did theaters. Yeah. Legends did theaters. Dice did MSG once. Yeah, Steve Martin a couple times. Oh Dice did MSG many times. He did Nassau Coliseum. D Dice did Dice was doing enormous places when no one was doing.

Dice was the original stadium act. But then there was no one until Dane. Right. Between Dice and Dane there was nobody. And now it's a lot. And now people are playing at Des Moines they're playing the arenas. Oh. It's not that many guys. I mean it's probably at least twenty. Comparing Arena Bargazzi, Kevin O Sebastian, Tom regularly, Louis. Well, hold on, fellas. Let's not diminish it. No, no. Gabriel. Gabriel is doing giant plays. Joe Coy, giant plays. Joe Coy.

Matt Rife. Matt Rife, Giant Place, Sarah, Segura. Segura's doing arenas. I met a guy I met an Indian kid outside New York Comedy Club. Indian kids will do something. And I was like, Oh, what are you doing in town? He goes doing comedy. He's like, Oh, that's cool, man. What are you playing? And he goes, M S G. That doesn't count. I was like, what? Indians don't count. Congratulations. Indians don't count. Indians count as much as Christian movies counts in the box office. Yeah. That's hilarious.

There's probably ten, ten, twelve. You know. You see that. Or do an arena every once in a while. Rife it looks Matt Rife. Rife doing a lot. Yeah. It's a matter of whether you want to do arenas all the time. The point is, way more than no one between Dane and Dice.

Right. For sure. Yeah. For sure. Because comedy's so big now. Yeah. And there's a ton of guys doing fifteen hundred theaters. Yeah. Yeah. A lot of them. Oh Schultz I think does arenas. I don't know if he's regular. Oh he does regular arenas. Yeah, he does arenas. Whenever he wants. Whenever he wants. Bert. Bert. Yeah. Tom, yeah, there you go. Tony. There's a lot of people doing arenas now. Mostly the guys from my storytelling show. Oh, which is also

Online behind a paywall. The end the end these three guys are on it. Arena comic. Nice. Theater comic. Club almost sells out Saturdays. Yeah, Tony, Nate. You, Tony, Nate, Tom. Four arena comics. That's wild. The three private jets were at that show. That's insane. We got paid five hundred bucks. I got a story. You can cut this out. You can cut this out if you want. Cut back in. And we're back. We're back. You should be mad. I wouldn't want to do that. It stunk.

With that last year. We need a transition. We need a transition. Yeah. What? What does that sound?

Uh, you guys are blah blah blah. I go, dude, you guys are doing nothing. Me and you are like we need healthcare. We're we're doing we're fucking up and somebody's like, Why don't you guys have healthcare? Like, why don't you shut your mouth?'Cause we have stealth bombers, bitch. All the Australians like you treat your minorities bad. I'm like, You wiped yours out. Yes, we have football. Blow me. Yeah. Yeah, we have college football bro. We have college points.

Yeah. Why don't you guys shut up? Who's number two with stand-up comedy? What country's number two? England. England. England? Oh sure. Well, Ricky Gervais, Jimmy Carr. Those are two greats. Carr is great. Carr is a national international great. Car is the best. Stuart Lee. Star Carr is so good. He was so good. He performed at the mothership he's running all these new jokes. I was like this guy is a motherfucker, dude. He's just dominant and so

So smart, man. He's such a smart dude. What are you looking for this time? America can. I would never waste a glass on a bung. Shane, you haven't changed at all. I wish I could, brother. It's time to change. You don't want to change. I haven't changed. You have not. I don't think I have. You can't go out as much. You did change very little weird. You change in un unin unimportant ways. You're more into hunting.

Well but like it's not like archery. But that to me is like my way of staying sane. No, you just gotta do that. I do a bunch of things like pool, archery, martial arts. Those things just keep me sane. I have to do some things that keep me from going off the rails. Yeah.

And staying off of Twitter. Didn't you have a thing where your manager or business manager, one of them, was like, Hey Joe, we gotta t when you just start headlining, correct me I'm wrong, we're like, We gotta have a talk with you. And you're like, What's the matter? And they're like Buddy we we don't want to get this out of hand. We we know you have a gambling addiction.

And we want to get you help. And you're like, what do you mean? Like you're blowing through money in a way. And he goes, No, I just love lobster and steak. Oh, I was eating steak and lobster every night. My manager thought that I had a gambling problem because I was spending so much money. I'm like, bro, I'm eating steak and lobster every night. And he's like, You're not worried at all, you're gonna run out of money. I'll go, I'll make more money. We'll figure it out.

Once we get in the gate, like I I am one of those people that like if I figured out how to get in the gate, I'm going. I'm gonna keep my foot on the gas. I'll be fine. Joe, you brought so many openers with you that we made more money than you. But it we did the math once, like he's barely making more than us. But it was about fun. It was so fun.

has to be about fun. Because I did gigs with like local guys and some of them were great. Like that's how I got to meet Sabura. Yeah. Yeah, I mean I met a bunch of guys who became my friends that were like local guys, but it was like one out of ten.

And that means nine times I'm in a town bored, watching T V, fucking not enjoying myself. And then being sometimes they're mean. Sometimes they b they step on your material. Yeah. On purpose. And some purpose they'll be like, don't do the negging thing a woman'll do where she's like

like shit on you on purpose like I don't know you that I'm trying to be nice to you. I hate it. Well there's a lot of weirdness'cause you're the headliner and they're jealous and they think they should be the headliner. Yeah. And they go do local material and you're like, all right. Okay, buddy fucking asshole. There's a lot of Hey l hey you should do this. Hey, let's switch tomorrow. Yeah, you'd go on last perfect. But the gigs were always a party. We had fun everywhere we went. We had fun.

Fun is key. Like I'll do skate fest and you make what, seventeen dollars? Yeah. But uh you know, I have friends like, ah, you make no money. I'm like, It's fun It's a great weekend. One of Tony's agents was trying to pitch this fucking horrible idea. Not even Tony's agent. Someone was trying to pitch this horrible idea where Tony would take a percentage of everybody's podcast that was on Kill Tony. He was like, No fucking way.

Like even and and I was like that money if you got it from them you wouldn't it wouldn't change the way you feel. You would feel the same. You wouldn't you wouldn't say I feel so much better now that I have X more dollars in the bank but you would feel like a piece of shit. Because you were fucking people over. It's you would pay all that money back plus to not feel that to not feel bad. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You would give it all back. You would to not be a piece of shit. It's like

There's nothing better than helping your buddies. Nothing better. It's kind of the only nice thing. Yeah. Shane pays Shane pays people on the road out of spite. What do you mean? Like Lev Lev was talking dumb shit. He was so fucking couldn't get out of his own fat way. And and he goes, No, clubs are better than arenas, you're crazy. And Shane's like, You've never done an arena. And he goes,

Dude, you know how Lev is. I'll Jews. He's like, I know what I'm talking about. And then she's out of spite it goes, I'm gonna give you a a lot of cash to come over for me on the road and Lev's like, Arenas are better and I am I I pay my rent for the year. Yeah, those those shows your crowds are great. Those shows are so fun. You do fifteen to twenty, you just play the hits, it's a great time. Fun is fun. Fun is fun everywhere you're gonna be.

The NHL. I don't think I've had a woman in my green room. It's just fifteen dudes trying to have a good time. Xbox. You can see the guy who owns Arena so disappointed too. They come in thinking it's gonna be cool because stand-up is cool now. And they come in and it's me, Soda, and Shane playing some fucking video game. It just smells like body odor, and then it's like

And there's chicken nuggets in the rider. So put my rider's chicken tenders in a case of beer. Yeah. Second worst pizza in town and bring it. But that video game you play brings everybody in. It's a great icebreaker. Yeah. It's the hangout afterwards. I just so many memories of us like go go some town and just going to anybody in the street like, is there a place to eat around here? Like, I don't know, it's a Fogo to Chow around it was like what?

Yeah. Well all you need is us. Like in a green room sometimes I'm like, I don't even want to go to the bar. This is the best. It's the hang. The hang's everything. Yeah, at the g at the mothership and it's like whenever it's like we're going under Mitzi's. I'm like, nah, this is a green room. This is great.

Yeah, but Mitsies once once it clears out is perfect. Well once the the regular people are out yeah Yeah once the g once the crowd leaves. Well that's the cool thing about Mitsi's it becomes a cr private club after eleven pieces. Always lose my voice. Same. Well Tony's chain smoking. There's great music playing. Tony needs a cigarette extender. Less than a min. Virginia Slims. His ability to write I gave him a some angle yesterday on the on the Can we say?

What? Oh yeah. I think I just gave my ego. I was like, what about this? He goes, Ooh, or I'm like something like this. He goes, Yeah, but wittier than that. Yeah. He thinks in like that kind of joke, like roast joke form. Like that's how like he's so fat he bam bah bam. Like that's how his mind works. It's really fun to watch. It's like I'cause I don't that muscle's a different muscle. It's a different muscle. Both your guys was good yesterday.

Do a gonna be a massive thing ahead of time for a crowd. The crowds are like this is so cool. Yeah, well it's cool'cause they get to see it worked out and they're gonna get to see it live. Right. And you get to see people go, jokes are good. Not on that one. I'm very happy with the jokes. And you're going out cold, right? You gotta open it. Yeah. That's tough. I'm worried about uh I don't think I'm a good host.

As far as the hey everybody, we're on live on Netflix. Welcome to the I don't think I'm gonna be able to do that. I'm gonna go, all right, fuck that. Uh just be a joke. It don't matter. Once you start talking, it's all good. Dude, there's a video I saw Wayland Jennings Junior.

I think it was him and they're doing a like a roast of like a barbecue. And they're like, We're here, waiting for him to show up but he's been barbecuing into this thing for the last, you know, f fourteen hours and then they they come in, some ladies like interviewing, it's like, So we're ready for your roast He goes, Oh, that's not mine. He was like, No. And she was like, What do you mean?

Uh why it goes, no, mine'd be underground and we'd have like moonshine and she goes for the bass thing? No, for fun while we're waiting for the meat to come out. Yeah. Just like ruin the T V version of it. He's like, No, that's a lie.

Yeah, I got kicked off a last comic standing for that'cause they they w they put you in a room and they're like, they want you to have drama. They're like, What do you think? Who do you gonna beat? And I'm like, I'm probably gonna lose And they're like, No, no, no, you gotta like talk shit and I'm like, Oh, they don't want me on here, I'm gonna bomb and they're like, What are you doing? You're ruining the show

They want you to be like, fuck that guy. I'll just take him down. Just say, hey guys, well anyway, we know what this I don't know how you would do it. That's a tough part. I'll do it. That's a hard part. I'll do it. There's just a couple jokes that I'm like, I know they're funny, but it's like man. That's gonna be tough to tell publicly. Oh and that's a fucking mothership.

crowd. Yeah. Exactly. I paid good money to see somebody be racist tonight. And they're like, Bro, calm down. It's hilarious. The the black jokes go hard. The black jokes go hard. They do. But hey, you know, it's a rose. This is this is what we this is what we want to see. I know but I gotta go fucking

That's true. Yeah, the M seeing is tough because you haven't MC'd in forever. But is is Kevin Hart gonna be there? Of course he's gonna be doing but like when he's on when he's out first. If he's laughing, you're golden. He'll laugh. Oh, he'll laugh at every day. Yeah. So y the the black jokes with the black guy laughing, you're you're good to go. Yeah. I'm not it's more the Internet.

Oh'cause it's in LA. I am gonna be it's gonna be live and I'm gonna say some pretty offensive things and then I'm gonna have to stay in the pocket of being like, I know the people at home like this. Yes. But now an entire room of famous people don't like me. Dude, dude. On paper, it sounds easy. I get it, I get it. Bro, I know people in the WMBA, like people that work in like management and the and the and the players.

And I was going to war over your SB's thing. Yeah. What were they saying? They were not happy with it at all. Well they seem like not happy with it. They seemed like a grumpy bunch anyway. Not happy with they go, You gotta know you're playing for. And I was like, Right, to me at home watching. Yeah. And they go, That's not we're the audience. I'm like, No, you're in the in the room. We're all at home laughing and we thought it was hilarious. Like she didn't even know this lady's name was like

Well that's the point. Neil today. But the the Espies was a good training graph. No, but they got It was a million views or whatever. It's for the internet. America Fuck yeah. The motherfucking day, yeah. What night is the roast? Just thought it was Sunday. Uh Sunday. Oh. I'm gone. Damn. Where you at? I'm getting there Tuesday. Oh no, why don't you go there early? What do you think? I get there Sunday and then It's the tenth. It's the next Sunday. Oh okay, okay. All right.

I think I have a gig. Me and Lewis got matching Legion of Skanks outfits. Oh you're on the team now. Is that a member of the Legion of Skanks? Oh with Jay. Does this stop you from moving to UK? Unfortunately it does. Thanks good. Fuck those lines. This is a massive opportunity for me creatively. I've this is like a dream. You've been going. So I was like, ooh.

Yeah, maybe I'll stab. Yeah, it'll be fun. Yeah you have to. Fuck going to England. They're gonna stab you anyway. You left enough. That's true. They'll stab you steal your body. They do get stabby over your body. Fucking blow dick. And y you're you're right there with the guy too. At least a gunshot. Gunshot could be like, where did it even come from? Some distance. Woof. Yeah, you're better off. I think it's good. It's divine interest. Well nothing's better off than skanks. Yeah. There you go.

Yeah. It's just perfect for you, Ari. It's the it's my show. England's not perfect for you. Vice President? Although it's weird seeing you tied down to something. Yeah, it is. I've never seen you commit how you gotta do it once a week. When Shane and I ran for president and vice president, we'll get into another episode, but

It was the log line was until one of us betrays the other. Until one of us double crosses the other one. We didn't. We didn't. Only because you found out Lewis was gonna fuck with me and you double crossed him. Dude, that was nice. Of course. I would never dude. I'm not gonna let my president go down like that. I'm JD Vance, bro. I'm Vance. Underrated something that happened in COVID is Shane, uh we're like, we're making a

I you guys were making the biggest mistake comedically. I was so mad. There was a video going around of of all these stars singing a s some like Beatle song. Imagine there's no Down with the sickness. And we'll make a video and I was like it. So we just gotta sing but I need every single one of you to sing the full song. And I can choose and then I'll pick and then I just have a a full video of every single one of these dumbasses singing that song.

And I was like, first off, the idea was not funny. That is gay. I will not do it. I was doing it as a favor to Lewis. I was like, if you think this is good and then Shane Shane called me, goes, How how bad will your retaliation be if I release your video? I was like, dude. I didn't put anyone's videos in the case. I was like, bro, as you have. Send it to Jim.

Comedian, you should do it. I will scorch the earth together. Send Aries to Jamie right now. Oh dude. Do you have it categorized? Do you have a I was I and I kept trying to like Like it was hard to make sure they did it seriously. So I was like, no, like don't fuck around. It'll be funnier if you guys are like really singing as the best you can. You fucked around in yours.

I did? Oh thank God. But i I mean it's still a horrific and embarrassing video. That whole thing is karaoke. Imagine there's no heaven while Granny just died of COVID. Yeah. Yeah, it was there was a very strange time where people just got into smelling their own farts. Yeah. Well the covet hidden actors had no juice anymore. They were like, Oh, we gotta stand out. Please don't. Oh my god. This is the real one, the one that imagined video. I can't watch this.

Actors really made themselves worthless to a novelist. Okay, we can't sing it. Probably it's Sarah Silverman being all serious. She's like, what stars are in this? I'll do it. Oh, she was being joked out. I don't know who that is. Who is that? Timothy Chalamay. What's wrong with his teeth? Oh, Fallon. Oh, Fallon. Hey, he's our opener now. You can kinda hear it. This is worse than being like an Epstein's audio. Yeah.

Well they're not as important as they used to be. So they're like, Oh, this is relevant. The worst was the black and white one when they're like, I am ashamed of my whiteness. Yeah. That wasn't even a song. That was just them talking. The black and white. You do. It's so good. I got Darosa going. Send that to Jamie right now. Send that to Jamie right now. DeRosa will get sincere. DeRosa gets sincere, especially when he's drunk. Dude, you're such a good friend.

You're adopted, shut up. Shut up. I would never be present with an adopted guy. Everybody was like trying to be silly, but the bit sucked. So bad. So bad. I was so happy when you guys were doing I was at Stanhope's when this was going on. Oh my god. I didn't even get the bit too. It was just drunk at Stanhope. It's like you guys suck. You killed us.

That shit blew, dude. I can't believe you guys did that. How much you got left in there? It's such a weird thing where people decide to do things to make themselves look like they care. Look like they care. That's the thing about Hollywood. They want to look like they care.

And it's so fucking transparent. That's always a bummer you get that text like, Hey, can you make a video for this? I'm like, Ah, that's gonna ruin my whole day'cause you like have to think about it and spend time on it. Yeah. It's a nightmare. Change your number. Yeah, like can you help me with this? You get a you get one or two of those, change your number. There we go, Music please. Music please.

Civil rights movement and the anti war movement. Black people don't even like mushrooms. And that was also one of the things that I got to say. You said black people don't like it. Black people don't like monster. I said they love certain foods, but you can't bring them up. I uh I said

The only s these things weren't made illegal it was like'cause it was all live. They couldn't stop me from saying it and Trump just let me talk. So I said, These aren't illegal because they're harmful. They're illegal because of the sweeping Um controlled substances act of the nineteen seventies and the Richard Nixon administration to target the civil rights movement and the anti war movement. Mm. That's why they made them illegal. They're not illegal'cause they're harmful.

And the idea that they were schedule one for all these years with so many people using'em to quit smoking, to quit drinking, to quit drugs, to get their life together, to like relax before they're dying. Like so many people that are like filled with anxiety'cause they're dying of cancer.

They take mushrooms and they're like, I think I'm gonna be okay. Can you get fucked up on Ibogaine? No, it's not recreational at all. Oh weird. Oh it's bad. It's a bad experience. What? Yeah, it's not like a fun time. But it's it's neuro regenerative, like it it helps people that I like Rick Perry, the the governor, he had

some sort of like natural atrophy of his brain that happens when you get older. Within six weeks or so after doing it, twenty-five percent of the atrophy was gone. Six months later, one hundred percent of it was gone. What It's nuts. It's it's very positive, but a bad feeling when you're doing it. Who is this? Rick Perry, the former governor of Texas, Republican governor, who is a staunch anti drug guy his whole life.

And then he talked to all these veterans that were using it to get off of whatever opiates that they were. Let me try it. Yeah. In secret? Let me try it in secret? I don't know w if it was let me try it in secret'cause he was open about talking about it. And and he did it and he said it changed his life too. And he says this is my life now. I'm dedicated to trying to make this stuff legal. So it's kinda like Ozempic. It makes you stop doing stuff.

Well Zampic is weird because it does make you stop doing addictive things too. It does. But it cuts down your sex drive too. Yeah, too. It cuts down love. Like you don't get excited about stuff. Yeah. People are saying it keeps you from being passionate about it. It's just weird when you see we were talking about that lady.

Some of these hot actresses that are doing it and they don't need to do it. Fat and horny. Yeah. That's a good radio team. Fat and horny in the morning. It's also girls don't realize like a little bit of fat on them is hot. Yeah. When girls are like ten pounds overweight, it's like what they think they're overweight, you're like Especially if they're confident with it. Just gives them curves. Rachel Ray sexy. When you when they lose all that weight and get that Ozempic face, it's like what?

you doing. Pull up Olivia Wilde. You see her? She looks like before you got here. Oh man. Pull up her and a lemur. It's dead the eyes. It's dead on. Who's Olivia Wilde? She's really beautiful. She's short. She wasn't fat at all, man, but she's been Look how hot. Look how hot. Gorgeous. But now look at the most recent video of her where yeah, look at that. Oh now pull up a ring tail lemur if you can find one. I know exactly what a lemur looks like, bro. It's a cute little little nugget.

Look at that. Same eyes. Same eyes. Wait, what happened to her? Did she just hit the wall? I don't know. No. There's no way she just hit the wall. She's she's still fairly young. How old is she? And she was really hot. She was on a t some forty two. She was in house in two thousand seven. She's older. She's twenty years older than she was on house. Yeah, but dude, recently she looked really hot. Also, she's gorgeous.

Gorgeous. No, it's I don't think it's the wall, dude. Her real name's Cockburn. That's funny. Okay, but does anybody know if she's taken that stuff? That's not even Obzempic. That's the eyes. That's a different thing. Look at the giant eyeballs. She's still like a little bit more. It's still a fucking uh collab. I think it's a little bit of it is just like just women have this thing where they think they're supposed to be skinny.

Yeah. Oh forty two. Well they are. Yeah, but dude, forty two. Look at look at fucking what's her name? Uh Jennifer Lopez. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Look at outliers. She's hot as fuck. Yeah, look at LeBron, but everybody else it goes out at thirty eight. Could you hand me one of those Brewski's? Absolutely, buddy. What are you looking for? A bottle. Yeah, bottle rust. This is sad that so many of these women think that they have to be way. That goes in January.

Yeah, that could be a bad picture. I thought that was a great picture. She's still beautiful. And she doesn't even look remotely overweight. Dude, Seth Rogan looks like a troll next to her. That's from two weeks ago. Two weeks. Well, no, that's just nothing. Lady, I was wrong. You didn't hit the wall at all. She was still hot as shit. You know what I like is uh the big fat guys that need the Ozem. Need it. Yeah. Yeah. I like that. My friend. Tell him I'm defeated.

Yeah, I know a guy. We know a guy. Oh, I didn't want to say his name. How do you do that? He has habits. Dude, when we were doing the nine nine nine. He heard three hot dogs in. We had the nine hot dogs, nine beers and nine innings. And by the way, pitch clock. So it's way harder than when it was invented. Although we did get there early, we got there. O'Connor had seven hot dogs before the national anthem. O'Connor O'Connor How O'Connor's like, what's your strategy? I'm gonna just chug these.

Hot dogs, chug hot dogs, passed out till the sixth, woke up as a five. You had to wake him up at the night to be like, dude, you're too away. You gotta get it. You gotta It's the bread and the salt gets ya. That's disgusting. Yeah, but age foley. Three hot dogs in, you look over, he's eating a cheesesteak. He's getting other gross. He's eating a cheesesteak. What are you doing?

And he goes, I'm gonna say I already don't think I'll win. Bro, I don't care how fucking how full I am. If you put a cheesesteak in front of me, I'm eating that shit. It's like pussy. There's a new place in Austin, there's a food truck that Tony turned me out to that has cheesesteaks. They are full. What is that place, Jamie? Do you know the place? Do you know what it is, Jamie? Don't say it, we'll never get in again. What's that? No.

I'll ask Tony. They almost got it. Philly all day. Is it on Sixth Street? Because the food sucks over there. Food sucks on Sixth. It's a weird spot because it used to be the dirty six. It was all just like drunk people food. It didn't have to be good. Still it's getting worse, dude.

You got black rabbit, that's it. But there's a Fogo de Chow a block away. I think it might be RB's. There's a Fogo de Chow a block away from the club. Where? It's R B. It's on like second or third. I've never seen Fogo. It's on Congress.

So it's two blocks away. Yeah, but it's not dirty six. It's way off. Right, right. But it but it's uh it's not far already. Right, right. It's still downtown. I get what you're saying. It's still downtown. These are the guys. These are the guys. I'm going there tonight. So uh what is it what's the name of it?

RB's R and B steak and fries. Bro, I'm telling you, their fucking cheesesteaks are so legit. These guys brought'em to the the club and I was like, and Tony's like, dude, you gotta try this. I was like, I'm not, I'm not really hungry, but let me I start one bite and I scarfed it. I scarfed it. Ooh, they got the fucking sauteed onions. Oh it's so good, dude. It's so good. They these guys are so and they're cool dudes.

Very, very, very legit. Wait, go back up, want to see his nickname? Boo. Boo. Boo. Black guys rule. Boo Radley. Man, it's almost time for Jeremiah Love Highlight. Easy. It's almost time to do something. Jeremiah Love. Yeah. I love that you're asking. What are we talking about here? Is that politics? No. No. Football running back.

Jeremiah Love sounds like a football player. Yeah, he certainly is. Yeah. If he was a fighter, he'd probably quit in the third round. I don't know if the guy with that name if he had autism. Or I think he does. He's got uh at least O C D but they they did a nice doc uh like uh before the game they always like college game day always runs like uh a heartwarming story, but he had like autism as a kid and they were like

We don't know what to do. And then we got him in football and he was just a fucking animal. Oh wow. But it's so fast. Wow, look at him go. Wow. Well you just gotta channel it. Tell me about it. Look you're gonna make this one. Norman talk

Speak on it. You gotta find a piano or comedy. I can speak about Neanderthal genes. You can speak about autism. These guys are tackling wrong. Look at him go, dude. Wow. When do you see him jumping over people? These guys are tackling wrong things. Oh my god. He's like the correspondence shoe. Shooter. Hey Jamie, who is that guy that they just signed from Africa? He's a twenty one year old guy who's never played football before. What he did.

Foot he's with the Eagles. Football does that where you're like as long as you got as long as you've got the skills, we got you. That was a nice one. Just keep this rolling for a second. Look at that move. What a wiggle. Oh my goodness. All they gotta do to tackle him is look him directly in the eyes. Because autism hates that shit. Shut the fuck up. Is that real? They hate hugs. It's not gonna work if he doesn't look at you back. He's just dodging a hug. Do you hate hugs? He's dodging a hug.

Bro, he's got to be. Get him, get him, get him. Take him down. Oh, wait, the lips, you got tongue in there for the listeners. You should sue Joe. I might sue Joe. His whole body was vibrating when I was hugging him. Lord. I mean how sick is Jeremiah. Bro, that's I love a great athlete. Show him. Show Joe him jumping over some people. Hey, what are you boys doing next weekend?

I think I got a gig. What do you got? Next week is a roast. Next Saturday. Next Saturday. Oh yeah. It's at Netflix Fest. T V Garden. In Boston. Damn. What are you doing? UFC. The UFC in New Jersey. Sean Strickland, Hamza Chamaya. They're worried about putting them close to each other because Sean has talked so much shit. He's a wild dude. He's a wild dude. And that shit talking that he does, it's emotional warfare.

'Cause like you'll think about the sh he calls him a goat fucker. He's like he he won't stop talking shit. Sean Strickland said that he said if those three goat fuck if if he comes up to me with three of his cheek goat fuckers. He said uh he Sean was like, I'll shoot them, I'll pull out my gun, I'll shoot all three of them, and he's going like this, boom, boom, boom. Jesus. He's talking so much.

Shit, but that it's emotional warfare. It's like what Connor used to do. What Connor did with Jose Aldo, he had him so fucked up before that fight. Yeah. And he was just like so emo because Aldo was a legend. Nobody talked shit about him. Everybody was terrified of him. And Connor was just t constantly talking shit about him. It were stole his belt at a press conference and like was holding it up. And by the time the fight happened, Aldo was just so worked up.

And Connor was just like super relaxed and smiling. That's how Roberto Duran beat uh Robinson'cause he called his wife a horror bus. Sugar Ray. Sugar Ray. No. Leonard. No, Leonard. Leonard, sorry. Wrong Sugar. How dare you? It was literally the band. He talked Sugar Ray into fighting his kind of fight. Do you think Strickland can do that?

No. Strickland is a He's good, but he's not a fight. No, no, no, no. Strickland is one of the best fighters on planet Earth. Make no mistake about it. So is Hamzai. But Strickland is also a legitimate world champion. He's a guy who's accustomed to five rounders. He's got phenomenal cardio. He's one of the hardest guys to hit in the sport. You have a can can hear. Listen to me as an expert, he's allegedly.

He's one of the best takedown he's got some of the best take down defense in the game, underrated grappling. Strickland has a legit chance. Can I can I just say this, as someone who's heard you talk about this kind of stuff for many, many years? You give it up more for the person you think is not gonna win. No, no, no, I will tell you a lot about Hamza. It's obvious so you go, but don't count out

The underdog. No, I'll say that eventually if you give me a chance, you fucking blabber out. You stopped talking. Jesus. You already made your point. He looked he dominated Drake is duplicate, like he didn't even belong in there with Dracas Drickas was the world champion and Drickas had beaten Stron Sean Strickland. But the last time he beat Strickland in the second fight, Strickland they made him fight. He had a shoulder injury.

Strickland's a wild boy and he crashed his dirt bike and fucked his shoulder up. They oh he's an Strickland's an animal. And they allowed him I mean, they forced him, uh I should say, to fight. Plus three four. Damn. I listen, man. I'm telling you he can win. Not only did he beat Adasanya, but uh the guy does not get tired. Strickland has some of the best fucking cardio in the sport. He's one of the hardest guys to hit.

He's very clever with his boxing. He's got one of the best jabs in the sport. Strickland can win this fight. It's not saying he's going to win. Hamzad is the best grappler at one eighty five period. If he gets him on the ground, can fucking strike too. It's not just a grappler. He's an athlete. Well, I mean, that's what I mean with the shit talk. He's uh maybe he's trying to talk him into standing.

Right. Or talk him into a war or talk him into hitting the gas full clip trying to take Algermaine Sterling Algermaine Sterling did a video about this and Algernon said here's the thing if Hamzat tries to just run him over Then it's a problem'cause then he gasses himself out in the first round. This is a five round fight. Strickland is notoriously durable, notoriously in incredible shape. And he's calm. He knows how to fight in wars. Like he's he's like accustomed to that.

You know, he had a like very abusive childhood. He doesn't like bullies. Like Strickland's a is a tough nut dude. Oh yeah. In my mind, this is like I would give Hans out amazing. Yeah, dude, this is a great fight, dude. Have you heard his trans right now? This is one uh Strickland is the best at fucking just talking wild shit at press conferences. Yeah. He's a wild fellow. He's fun, man. He's fun.

Yeah. He gets so angry and worked up about shit, but he's fucking fun. You know what's fun? Like now a back, fun white. Fun whites are coming back. He's one of the funnest whites ever. I I blame Chet Hanks. He brought it open. He broke it open. Cheddar White Boy Summer. Has he got a new accent? He broke the diamond. What's his new one? I don't know. He dropped his old one. He was like, I'm done with that fakeness. I got a new fakeness. Can you imagine it was Tom Hanks as your dad? It's wild.

You but it was Colin Shadow? Colin and Chet. They couldn't be more opposite. Couldn't be more. Collins' other son. You see he's in a ton of movies. Collins' less of a phony. Well, he's more straight laced. Yeah. Uh what Shia LaBouffe? He's getting drunk, going to jail, coming back out. Is Shia LaBouffey? He's in a ton of movies. God, he looks just like Tom. That's crazy. He'd be Forrest Gump too. Good actor. He looks more Forrest Gumpy than Forrest Gump. He looks more Philadelphia. What is this?

Chet is singing. Oh he's singing now? He's doing country music. Oh boy. Oh god, he can't say. I thought he was a rapper. It was but Country's big now. He's just swinging it every shows wherever's popular. Renaissance everything. He knows who sucks. I'm sure it's tough if your father was a molester, but doesn't choose molestation. You're talking about fucking. J Mo's getting the timestamp. Where are you? Talking about Woody here. I just like J Mo's. How J Mo just goes.

He was he was good he was good in Atlanta and that's about it. Atlanta. Atlanta. Philadelphia? Did an episode of Atlanta? It was good. Oh Chet. Chet. Chad Rules. He was also great in uh curb. Yes. Played the soldier? That's right. I didn't see that one. You want to talk great athletes. What about the uh amputee cornhole guy? What? What? Where'd that come from? You haven't seen this guy? What kind of a fucking transition was that? I know where you're going with it. He's got no arms, no legs.

Did he really shoot somebody? With a nub. Wait a hundred percent he shot him? What's cornhole? I thought he was playing cornhole. What does he have to do? Does he have to attach like a stick to the nub so he could pull the trigger? He's got a little tiny thumb right on the stump. And he could trigger and kill the guy. Whoa. Yeah. Why did he kill the guy?

I think he fucked his stump. I don't know what happened. He was driving the car too. There was three other guys in the car and he's the one driving. Wow. This guy's a badass. Was it down a straight road? He was a professional cornhole player? He was number one cornhole. No. Was he the bag? Here's a video of him shooting the gun. There's a video of him climbing a ladder.

Climbing a ladder. Yeah, I'll show you that after this. He's getting passed around in prison like a cornhole bag. Juan on suspicion of shooting and killing a pastor in his car during an argument. Look at this badass. Oh he can shoot guns. Well, yeah. Maybe if you've got no leg to stand on there, Monk. Less limbs. Less limbs. It's not this end. It's just this. It's more stable. I went out on a limb. Oh, you son of a bitch. There's this cornhole strategy. Unbelievable.

He's really good. Look at this. He's just sinking him. And now he's in jail. Poor guy. He could have been a a hero of our generation. Um so did he kill the guy for a reason? Sure. Lost his limbs, bacterial infection at ten years old, demonstrating shooting. So what is the story? Accused of shooting a guy during a driving argument.

He he wanted the two guys in the car to help him get rid of the body. They refused and then he dropped them out of the car, went and dropped the body somewhere, someone found the body, and then they came after him. Well he's old. They gotta piss every ten minutes. I'm older than him. He drinks prune juice. Goes right through you. Yeah. So uh So as an argument, he just shot the guy? It would you you'd think it would take so long for him to pull out the gun, you would just smack it out of his

Stub. You'd think. I but I think w when that guy comes up to you you're like, What are you gonna do? You're not scared. So the guy's got all the time in the world. Look at this psycho. Oh my god, he's like a slug. He's very capable. Toe Jam Toe Jam and Earl. Toe Jam and Earl. What a pull.

Wow. I mean you gotta hand to the guy for just being independent. Yeah. I mean we're being mean to him. I want to make sure he's a murderer before I make fun of him for being independent. Maybe the guy in the backseat was a real He's in jail. You better believe it. Huh. Found in a nearby yard. That's what you want as your bunk mate. He's not really arrested, set to be ex he was in a hospital. Why was he in a hospital? Maryland?

Well did they get in the fight? Yeah, witnesses said they got it. So rarely in the news. So the guy punched him and he had to go to the hospital? So he was he was tracked to a hospital. So the guy who he shot was the guy punching him? Sounds about right. Shoot ya. It says the but it says if it says he went to a hospital, like why did he have to go to a hospital? Mad Rifle. Mad Rifle. That's what they say. Riding high in April.

Yeah, but why was he in the hospital? So did they get in a fist fight and he pulled the gun on the guy who was beating his ass? Let's get him to the hospital. But it's probably fine. They were like, Holy shit, take him to New York. But it's a weird situation. If he was at a hospital, like why was he at a hospital? Yeah. We don't know the whole story. Anyway, he can cornhole. They said no. They got out of the car instead and he drove off with the body still in the car.

Oh boy. How's he gonna get him out of the car? He's got no arms. Oh, I thought it was the same crime. I was like wait. Celebrity. What did Bieber get arrested for? By the way, go back up. Look how dashing Bieber is in his mugshot. Did Bieber get arrested for looking cute? Perfectly straight teeth. Lohan's not bad either. Lohan's not bad there. Lohan's hot again. I co starred in a movie. She's back. Oh good. Lohan. Yeah, worst movie of all time. Who was that?

Inappropriate comedy start directed by the Shamwell guy. Lohan, you're in that? Lohan? We got an Academy Award winner, Adrian Brody. Why? What? Adrian Brody. Uh who's the chick who got drunk driving who was in the Avatar? Boom, that one at the end, Rodriguez.

Wow. I didn't know she got a DUE. Rob Schneider's in that? Oh but everybody. Who's the m middle lady with the D Is that really the worst movie ever? It's uh on it was on Rotten Tomatoes as the worst movie of all time. And for a while it had zero How did Adrian Brody get roped into that? Yeah, what happened to him? Did he get roped into that? He was on a downturn of his career. He came back, he was on a downswing. You know what's crazy about Brody is banging Harvey's.

Theo Vaughn? Melon Kleiner. Ari Shafir, there we go. And the amazing racist. With some writing on the right. Dante. Uh Christina Pazki did some writing on this. Okay. Dante as the racist assistant. Rob Schneider is J D? That's when I was offering black people a free trip back to Africa. You really did it, man. You really went for it back then. So when Hey it earned 172k. For a six hundred and twenty five dollars it's over I like how it says inappropriate, but for some reason A P P was about X.

There's a whole backstory line. None of it made any sense. Like dating apps? No. It's a good question. Twenty thirteen. I remember I saw my seat in twenty thirteen. Dude, this movie was so fun. I've never heard of this in my life. We went to the border and I was doing a setup scene and some people were fucking cr running and crossing. But it's so crazy like

Adrian Broder is a fucking legit actor. He was ha he was down and then back up. They gave him money. But who gets it? Did Well he was in a separate scene. He was in dirt flirty hairy. Flirty Harry. Flirty Harry. So but why What the fuck is going on jail? He went to jail too. Oh my god. Look at Ari. Whoa young thing. Oh my god, bro. We should have a screening of this on the next Protect Our Parks. I would love to see this. Let's let's watch it and talk bro, this looks so bad. This is horrible.

It's so bad. Who's the girl? The girl with the br the brunette right there. Rodrigo. Oh, the girl from Aliens? Isn't she in Aliens too? Probably she's Van Diesel's lady. That's crazy. They got her in this? Yeah, kids in cages. Getting her rusty. How does this how does this shamwow guy talk everybody into this? Money, bro. GS gave me advice. It was like, Hey, they want me to do this thing. He goes already every once in a while so people in Holly

Oh, there it is. Shame you can't laugh at this. Young Ari. Shade sent this one out. Uh we'll take it from here. I will say so like you guys were making dog shit like this. Yeah. And then we I was like'cause I wasn't really around for that. Yeah. And then it's like, Man, I can't believe cancel culture exists. It's like oh now I get it.

Yeah. Somebody does like that. Put an end to this horse shit. That's so bad. Two thousand lives now. Here was it. That shit inspire everybody. Two thousand thirteen. Wow. Those Amazing Races videos were probably like two thousand five, six, seven? Yeah, five I think. Because it was before I think those videos were before the whole mencia thing at the store.

That's right, because he was like why do wh who are you to say anything about racial jokes? Somebody's like, Amazing racist? Yeah. Wow. That's crazy they got Adrian Brody because He's probably paid money to try to get it. I've never heard of it. They do now. They do now. Yeah, you guys are actually gonna make a fucking ton of money on that movie. Oh yeah. He did kill Tony recently. Yeah, yeah. And he was like Like I he did something. That's not so bad.

Why would you have your tongue involved in a hooker at all? Friendship What's happening? Yeah, you don't kiss a hooker. Well you do if you're drunk. Passionately. Yeah. Let's go. Let's go mm mm mm mm mm mm. I wish you were my girlfriend. Uh to go down on hookers. Um Without uh you don't know'em. Wow.

He would pay a fresh free for that. He's the funniest. He would be open about it. He's like, nah, they won't let you get that. I'll vote for it. Make America grow some balls again. Like here, it's like Cedar Park. What? Yeah. What is his first nine bills in Congress in three weeks with the head?

No tax on social security. That's reasonable. Great. Parental class view. Don't know what that is. What does that mean? Oh, and classes. Awoke business. Oh, ring cameras in classes. That's not a bad idea. N triple X on X. Pornography on Oh, boo. Sounds like this guy wants to jerk off the kids. Healthy screen acts. I like number five. Cowboy cookies. Has to be a human at customer service. That's not bad. That's someone who's annoyed. Like the agent. ANGIENT Yeah. That'll ruin India.

Oh, interesting. Children need to pray. Oh come on. A lot of kids stuff coming out of this guy. Yeah. Does he have children? Cowboy coats for kids. Find out if he actually has children. Let's find out the shameless we got a Jew here, Shlome. He sent me a Shamwell jacket. Oh, yeah. Does he wear it everywhere? It must be great when it rains out and that thing weighs eighty pounds. Wear that for the roast. I go, great. Now I weigh three hundred.

seventy five pounds. Find out if that guy has a family. His story's actually pretty much kind of odd that he's concentrating so much. He would just sell shit in Atlantic City, like on the streets, I think it was a wedlock. And he was just great at it. And he goes, I'll take out like Byron Allen like late night spots and just sell to

more people. You must have made so much money. Great sales made a fortune. Shamwall was nice. I'll tell you, I got a good Shamwell story. One time I was staying at my buddy's house and uh I stood up in the middle of the night I was he gave me his bed so I was in that but his roommate was in the other bed. It was in college and I just stood up and pissed on the other guy's bed while he was in it. Oh damn. And then in the morning I got a sham well. He soaked it all up.

This guy. Is that what it does? It soaks? Yeah. It's a chamois cloth. A chamois cloth is a thing they used to wash cars with forever. He said he said he went to seven companies in Korea and he goes Send me each one he goes this one's the best one or I put my name on that and run him out. So is it like a synthetic version of a chamois cloth?

Yeah, chamois cloth is like you wash the car and then the car has all this water on it. You use the chamois cloth first and then you polish it with like microfiber cloths. It's what it is. Actually uh yeah, it's very absorbent. Yeah. I use the I like those chamois. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, I used to work in a car was a sham house for the stuff. I used to work in an auto auction. Yeah, you got a dealership and a garage. Oh, there you go. I used to do it all the time. Which is why tires are so good. You're right what you know. You need a muscle car Shane. I Hey Shane, you know this massive purchase you just made? Hey, doing it wrong. No, no, no, he's not doing it wrong. I'm happy with that one. That's the one's great, but how about also?

How about also you get like a modern muscle car that works really well? Do you know do you know about Revology Mustangs? Have you ever seen my sixty eight Mustang? Yes. My bullet mustang. Yeah, that shit rocks. Rocks, right? There's a company, this company, Revology, they're the shit. They make a brand new nineteen sixty nine Well that's what I wanted. I wanted I wanted an old you know what I wanted? This is really The bar. So this is no it's a the guy

Tom Scarpello, he worked at Ford, he made the Ford G. Can you imagine me getting out of that in fucking gym shorts? Me? I do it. But you look cool. I would I would look at the floor. You look cool, you look like a fucking American. You do look American. You look American. So that's what I have. I have that car. I have that car on the left. I have um What you have that one of the the blue? I have the re uh well mine is actually green. That is blue like Steve McQueen's.

I have a green one, sixty eight, but but but point is he makes the new one which is even cooler looking, the sixty nine. The six go to models, Jamie Pitt. Go to models. And this is six and a half. No no no no no no no. The new sixty nine is the shit. That one, the boss, the boss four twenty nine. Click on that. So it's just a b old body with a new car. But it's not an old body. It's a brand new version. Yes. It's a factory.

It's a full factory, but it's completely reliable. I can't drive that. I will force you at gunpoint to drive that. You need one of those. You need a black one. No, I need a ninety-seven land Ooh, that's a cool car.

Oh you do? Yeah. That's what that's what I was doing. I have a ninety five with a supercharged Corvette engine. And I need a new car. What you got is perfect. What you got is perfect. York Regal. You want to tell people what you got? I need a Libera. No, they'll tell people what you got.

But what you got see that's a driver. Yeah, that's a real car. I love those. Jamie, pull up mine. I have a nineteen ninety five that TLC made me and I had to put a supercharged Corvette engine in it and then I had Colvin automotive. Change the supercharger, jack it up to eight hundred horsepower. It's got dual exhaust now. Oh it's a total apocalypse car.

It's got a gun safe in it. It's got everything. Who's the nerd? That's my friend Jonathan Ward who fucking built the car for me. He's the man. Call a book two thousand seven Teams of Corolla. That guy needs a wedgie. You need you need a sixty-nine boss.

That's what you need. Oh you got the winch. Yeah, oh it's got everything. Well I got this when I was worried that well, I had a family and I was worried that at one point in time LA was gonna experience an apocalypse and I had to be able to drive somewhere where there's no road. So I got an extra large gas tank on that thing. Nice Steel bumpers all around, rock sliders on the side. Go run over protests. I can't wait to get away. I can't wait to die at the gates in front of your house.

when the apocalypse happens. You're not gonna die. Please let me know with a fit. Come on, dog. I'm gonna let you in. Come on, dog. Please, please, Joe. Come on. How dare you? Save me. You're parked there like Do not get out of your car. By then we'll be at the rant. Is the Mustang the only one they make? Can we get like an old Porsche? Can I get an old companies to do that? They make a nine eleven, it it uh you can get it with no fucking AC, no nothing, it only weighs two thousand pounds.

Dancing Jews. Dancing Israelis. Don't Google Dancing Israelis, whatever you do. Don't read into that story. You'll go, Hey, what? Wait a second. Deal doesn't build. Okay, back all right, there's my there's my fucking platform. Okay, what's APAC. Let's get rid of all those fucking. You need a muscle car. If you don't wanna get that, how about a new muscle car? How about a Shelby? A Shelby Supersnake R. Brother, I'm never driving that, bro.

You need one car. You need nun what? You need one car acre. I need one car. I have a pretty small house and a tiny garage. What are you a communist? You need to get a new house. First of all, you need to do your uh fucking Look at that. That's a Shelby super snake. He can't drive that. You know what that would look like? Me getting out. Or bringing a girl in there and going, I think. Look, I'm not gonna get hard. That's gonna be great to pull into a parking lot.

Shut up, Ari. Get on the highway. Shut up. I was telling Ari back when Ari first started making money. I go, Ari, please get a nice car. Please just get a nice car. How about a Cadillac Blackwing? Twenty twenty two twenty. How about one of these? How about a CTV? C T five V Blackwing. How about that? Can't have a caddy? Come on. I agree. If I saw someone told me that's a good thing. Very good.

Very reliable. You could solder the fucking hood shut for five years. But why would you do that, Ari? You have you have money too, Ari. You drive me crazy. I don't know how to do that. Ooh, that'd be nice. I'd love a BMW. Why didn't you do it? Because I had to put all my money into this goddamn storytelling show. I put my money into that. Yeah, but you made it back already. Told me you made it back. Yeah, I just make the budget back.

The end available right now or I've tried for years, m maybe decades, to try to talk you into buying a nice car. Yeah. He can't. Look at that hat. It's New York. You can't have a nice car in the world. Yeah, you can have a nice car. I got an old baby. You got enough money to have a house other places. She's got a house out here. Do you have enough money for that? I'll give you the fucking money.

Tell me what car you want to buy. You're buying him a car, not a house. I'm still waiting to get a watch. I held out. He said watch. I'm like I'll hold out for cars. You'd wear it. You wear that piece of shit. It's a Rolex. I would buy you a watch if you'd wear it. If I buy you a watch, will you wear it? Sure. How many times? Every day. I'm thinking I shower with this.

Right, but if I bought you a real watch, would you like to Rolex? One of those astronaut fuckers. Yeah, but I don't wanna I don't wanna protect our parks. I'm gonna get you a speed master. Can I tell you what he wants? Sham well is a speed master. He wants that size watch, not a bulky one. He wants a thinner watch. All right, listen. I like a small watch. This is not too big. This is a a Rolex.

But it's on a a rubber strap. It's a little understated. G G Shock's a great thing. G Shock rules. Would you wear that? Indiglow? I like I like a a metal band, but uh yeah, it's a good looking watch. What did what did Louis get you? He got me the uh oyster. Face or what do you call it? Oh, okay. It's really nice and it's inscribed on the back. Thanks for working with me, L C P. I it's on my shelf, it's propped up. Okay.

So if I buy you an omega, you're gonna wear it. Hell yeah. Okay. No, you don't have to buy me an omega, though. Just fuck it around. It's over. Norman, Norman, you're gonna love this. Eagot gave me the coolest thing that I have, which was Norm McDonald's cup on the late night with letter. Actual mug from the lady. He gave me this the crum was from uh Norm doing uh The talk show? Oh letters. Wow, that's a great one. That's for the best gift I got. That's a protect that. That'd be scary.

Imagine if a chick comes over your house and drops that I would have a cup of tea. I would punch it. Whoopsies. Oh, I protect it. It's on my mantle. It's in the middle of it's above my throat. Oh that's great. I put like ring ropes around it to cushion it. Yeah, I probably should. Make a mantle.

That's a that's a good one. That's the best one. Those Rodney notes are great. Oh my god, isn't that amazing in the green room? Those handwritten Rodney notes from his tonight show special. Whitney got us those. Wow. Very cool. Would it like make the punch lines bold and all the notes and then bold punchline? Oh yeah. It's cool, just it's like the feeling, the spirit of like joke writing is in that room. He was a he was a drug addict. No, that was a good idea.

Well, when weed was illegal and cops would come into a club he was in, he was just smoking weed, he would just go up to him like, Hello officer, how you doing? Just holding he knew he was immune. No one's gonna touch him. I told you guys when I worked as a security guard, when I got to see Rodney perform, when I worked as a Security guard?

Uh no, I didn't beat him up. No, that was Alley Cat. That was my boss. He beat me cat. That was my first day. No, that was the first thing I've heard you say that was I was like, damn, Joe's old. That was the boss. Alley Cat was the boss. So what happened was uh one of the guys from my taekwondo gym got uh hired to be security. And they were like, Bro, it's like fifty bucks an hour, it's really cool, you get to see concerts.

So we all went and I got to see Rodney there. Rodney was backstage with nothing on but a bathrobe. Completely naked. No, I didn't see that. I saw him walking around with slippers and a bathrobe. And then he went on stage with nothing but a bathrobe. Dang. Bathrobe naked underneath. What? Went on stage that way? In nineteen eighty six. Okay. And fucking destroyed. I was nineteen. I was mesmerized. And back then I wasn't even thinking about doing comedy. I was just fighting and I was enjoying it.

And I was like, this is this guy's so free. I remember thinking that like this guy's on stage with a b I mean destroy. I get no respect. No respect at all. And the fucking place is going nuts. He was killing punchline after punchline after punchline. I was nineteen. I mean I was blown away. I was working. Yeah. That's a good gig. Get to see the shows. Wait, is that until he couldn't get it played el elsewhere? Yeah.

It was not real. He didn't even own his music. It's all bullshit. But anyway, I w I didn't shit on him at the time, even though he's trying to ruin my life, because I was a Neil Young fan and I told the story about how when I was a security guard The last day on the job was a Neil Young concert because a riot broke And a riot broke out, and I was like, I'm not fighting for fifty bucks an hour. I fucking zi zipped up my hoodie and I just walked out, and I never even got my last check.

Damn. It was cold out and Great Woods in Mansfield has a whole lawn. It's an amphitheater. So the the bit the front part that's all seated has a cover over it and then the back part's a lawn. And it was a little cold out.

So these fucking animals at the Neil Young concert started lighting bonfires. And so the security guys had to come over and tell them, Hey, put out the fires and drunk guys were like, fuck you. And my friend Larry punched some guy and Larry was like the nicest guy in the world. I'm like, Oh my god, we're having a war. And so the fight started breaking up and as soon as like my friends were safe and we were I'm like

Fuck out of here. I put on my hoodie and I just quit. I just I'm like I'm not fighting these fucking people and that was my last day on the job as a security guard. It's so crazy. Ten taekwondo black belts, including like national level competitors. that we're all security guards. They were just waiting to kick somebody into a clone house and Neil Young fans. We never I mean Joe DeRosa. One guy Okay, let's hear this. Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on. Alright, go.

I remember that was just COVID time, huh? Yep. I remember you'd wear that. Oh my gosh. Oh yeah, yeah. I was like I was like I'll add the song. What's the with the glasses? I don't know, I was doing something. Skiggles. Oh my god. This is brutal. I forgot that was my best part is I said I'll add the music. This is like a hostage video. This is horrific. Where is Gigo? Oh man, he took it so serious.

That's not as fun as Roddy naked. God damn Shane, you killed me. I did not enjoy that at all. That was bad. I'll I'll turn it. Did you see the Scientology speedruns that we're going around a week or two? Kids are breaking into Scientology places all over the country. They're breaking into them? Normally. Why? The Normandy Call speedruns. Speed runs? Yeah. No, let me see this. They're trying to get as deep as they can possibly get.

Scientology building building removed all the door is Scientol a secret present speedruns. Wow. That guy at the White House correspondence. Yeah. So cold. Oh you wanna play games? No I don't. Damn. Speed runs is such a great way to go through something. Just run as fast as just guys. The point is now that they've like uh they've taken the the handles off the

I went once I went. Me and Natasha went to uh to a Scientology once. They kind of got me a little. They were like, Can we get some information for you? I'm like, I mean my home address if you want. And she was like, What the? I'm like, I don't know. They're getting me. The book they saw was it's good for ages eight to eighteen. Wow. So this kid just ran through? Maybe noise. Maybe whites are coming back. They're not really doing anything other than just

Good for them. Oh, so there's more than one kid. There's multiple kids. Oh look how deep they're going. Yeah, they're just trying to like what's inside. What are you guys hiding? I love these guys. They just ran out the extra. Well they're like the second biggest real estate holders in Los Angeles. I think it's like China and then

Scientology raid with Jesus. They're trying to open the door. Oh I love it. Oh, this is such a good thing. They deserve this. Those guys are cuts. I mean look at the inside though too. I've never Scientology has a voting block in Los Angeles. It's like a museum. Look at that. Wow, I want to go in there. Wow.

Yeah,'cause you take a you take a photo outside their building, they'll they'll tackle you. Well, I remember during the nineties a lot of people were thinking about joining Scientology'cause it was really good for your career, but they had an acting class, uh something beast Well Will Siles West, Tom Cruise, Brian. Right. Dup is recorded Scientology run.

Uncut for a chip. This started recently, I think like this month. Good for them. Look at this guy moving. Look at this guy with the fucking suits trying to stop him. Very unenthusiastic. Hey, did you guys see the fat principal who stopped the school shooting? That was amazing. What? Yeah. I think it was in Virginia. He got shot. The guy came into the building with a gun and this fucking principal just rushes him.

grabs him, tackles him, gr holds on the gun. He got shot in the leg apparently. Badass. And then he went into a party. It was like the prom the yeah, it was the prom like a week later and everybody went crazy and cheered. He became very emotional.

Stopped the shooting. Stopped twenty deaths. Yeah. I mean stopped it in its tracks as the guy came in through the front door. You do have one moment where like you see it, you realize and you're like, let's go. School principal injured in school shooting, shooter identified as former student.

Former C. Oklahoma, that's where it is. One coin. Yeah. Wow. Look at the guy. That's the guy. But if you watch the video, the guy fucking literally threw himself on the guy with the gun. Completely heroic. Show me his face again, dude. That's a guy who loves Bruce Keys. Oh yeah. Well he's probably not worried about his death.

Hey Mark, how can we even drink that yet? You know what I'm saying? He's ready to go to Vikings. He's a Viking. That's an American Viking, dude. You get fed and shit, you drink beers, you go, fuck it, I've been waiting for somebody to show you. He's a hero, goddammit. Didn't Cash Patel say that about somebody see you about Charlie Kirk. Yeah. I was watching a video on what a thirty odd six round actually would do to a neck.

Oh no, there we go. Yeah. They showed like what the actual rifle round would do to a person's neck versus like what you saw from Charlie Kirk. There's a lot of people that don't think it was really that guy on the roof that shot him, that was something else. Some people think it was a microphone.

But I the problem with the Yeah, the microphone shot him in the neck, like there was some sort of an implemented d destruction device. The problem I have with that is you don't see any fire coming off of the microphone. Right. Like if a microphone is gonna kill you, it's gonna shoot you somehow or another. It's gotta be an explosive charge and then you'll see a flash and then something will projectile from that into your neck.

Yeah, somebody shot him, right? If a rifle shoots your neck, wouldn't it go too? You would imagine it would. And in these videos that I saw it like shows a massive destruction. So what they're using is ballistic gel. And so they have like a fake neck and a fake head and like a spine and they show ballistic gel what it looks like. And it just blows the neck completely apart. It's just

splatter, a giant opening wound.'Cause this tissue is very soft. I mean this is not durable tissue. And he got shot and it was not even an exit hole. Did they catch the guy? Supposedly, I'm not you peaching. Oh, you're a sucker. I remember at a bar in Guatemala. Someone's like, Who's Charlie Kirk? I'm like, I think he makes I think he makes fun of college kids. You're right about that. That's not wrong. And then I was like

Why? Like, I think he got killed and I was like, uh Bro, there's many, many, many, many, many layers to that story. Pass the weed. And his wife protect his wife's outdoor. Outdoor bar. Like, yeah, anyway, bro. Pass that over. Pass the weed. This many levels of the five.

Oh man, I don't even know that long past the weed. Dude, I was looking for weed and it's I was smoking. I'm like, I'm looking for that weed. In Guatemala? Yeah, at a bar. What is the legality of weed in Guatemala? Same as bef like five years ago here, like Do it quite legal. Oh, you can get arrested though. And you wind up in a Guatemalan jail. Imagine if we had to bail you out like fucking the eighteen. I would. I'd go there. Nah, you would fly to Guatemala? Hundred percent.

Yeah, if Mario was in jail in Guatemala, one hundred percent we get him out. Now it'd be fun though to let him sit for a few days. Yeah. He needs to learn his lessons. I can't. Of course I'm gonna get weed. I'm the guy who gets weed. The lesson is keep getting weed, man. We'd have to go get'em. I'd make you guys come with me. We'd have to film them. Yeah, but that's our parts from from a fucking national park in Bottom. Whoever filmed your fucking that whole run that you did that guy.

Yeah, he'll put some witty quotes three months. Look at this. State of emergency because gang prisons. Oh, you'd be prison riots and the gangs. You'd be in that gang getting fucked. Good to get you back in the camps. I can't have you in there, Ari. Getting fucked by these Guatemalan. He w they were like, What do you think about Trump? I'm like, I I don't really know. And then I figured out how to turn it away from that conversation. I go, Well, how how's your guy? And they go, Our guy suck!

He's so crooked. Maduro No, it was somebody in Guatemala. Oh, sorry, wrong country. You just turn it on their guy, they love talking about it. Yeah, it's not Maduro. It's far away. Yeah, yeah. He takes money from corporations. I'm like, yeah, we do that. Boo. Better than El Salvador. That place is Even crazier. They're criminals. Didn't they have a ton of gangs? They threw them all in giant prisons and stopped all the crimes. They drove them out, killed the rest.

Can we do that? No, that guy is a big story to everyone there. We should do it. They all love him. Look at this. Agreed. Everyone who was there loves him. Everyone who came in later was like, oh so so. That's El Salvador's prison. We should do that to our civilians. Look at the guy at the back. He's kinda fat. I bet there's a few guys in there that don't belong.

No, there's a story here that anyone with a tattoo could get arrested and they're like, No, no. It's anyone with a tattoo of a cop you've killed with his badge number that got arrested. All the Nate Diaz's. Nate. They're all gonna stand up and go, What's up? Damn, the tattoo guys obviously cleaning up out there. Wait, wait, let's see if we can see badge tattoos. When you tattoo your face up like that, that you are not fucking around. So a lot of the face tattoos are loved ones they've raped.

Nuts. Yeah, you get extra No, I didn't just make it up. What? You get extra points for c raping a mom, a sister, an aunt. Your own mom? Yeah, buddy. Why this can't this It wasn't a great situation. Where are you coming up with this? Talking to El Salvadorans. Oh my god. In El Salvador. I think your Spanish was a little broken. They had a soccer. They had a soccer gate. Oh yeah. They had a soccer game. Say something. Order pizza.

Oh come on. That was Yokero Taco Bell with pizza. They had a soccer game they played over pizza. In the port town where they cut babies out of a woman and play soccer with it. Hey, making soccer interesting. Trained by US, but uh pretty strong. So he got rid of them. But they what they did was nuts though. They like just made these giant super prisons and just put everybody in there and the crime dropped off a cliff.

Damn. I went to Independence Day parade there. It was wild how much everyone is like, What are you doing here? This is wild. Our guy is the best. It's the only country where they're like, We love our guy. Uh it was everyone else we hate our guy, they love his own. They wouldn't let Ari into Nicaragua. They love that guy. It was the first time they could pr they could go out in public and like and like and like what's his name? He's half half uh Arab. They don't care.

I don't know. They good kind. Is there? Not Palestinian. Wow Is it Jewish? I bet. No, no. Not supported the the the claim that specific face tattoos in El Salvador mark someone as being raped who has raped a family member is not supported by credible evidence. By the way, what credible evidence do you get? Talk to m so many people there.

So disagree with this. It's hard to know because like how many people are documenting this stuff in like peer reviewed papers? You know what I mean? Like what is perplexity drawing? Mm. Yeah. People on the streets are like this is what happens. Yeah. Well, I'm sure a lot of it did happen. I'm sure a lot of it ha you know. I there was a guy that used to be the fucking doorman at the improv and he showed me this cartel video of this guy getting eaten by a pit bull. And it still haunts my dream.

The guy was he was tied up, arms and legs, and the pitbull was eating his dick. The pitbull was just completely locked on this guy's crotch and this guy was screaming. Michael Dick. And he goes, hey man, check this out. This my friend sent me this from the cartel. And I'm like, why are you showing me? I have to go do on stage for 20 minutes. Oh damn. I was trying to do the sound, I couldn't do it. In my head, I was thinking about doing it. I couldn't think of it. What? That was dumb.

Michael Winslow. Ah. Just th this giant headed pit bull was locked on this guy's dick and he was screaming and I've never forgot it. Well it's it's yeah, the internet hit us at different ages like that,'cause I got hit with those when I was young. You're right. Yeah. They're not fun. But if I was an adult and somebody showed me something horrific like that, that does stick with you. Oh, me and Segura we have a

Text chain, the Instagrams, the worst shit that either one of us find on the internet was a very good thing. Yeah, this was you gotta find those this was someone who was a cop sent it to this guy. And then this guy showed me. God, the shit cops must see. Oh right. Tough. They need the Iba game. They got a high suicide. Oh very high. Very high. We all first responders. They all have much higher suicide rates in general population. Right.

Imagine you're a guy who just shows up at car accidents every day. Every day you see one, you're like, I gotta go to therapy. Right. You see two family legs and Splattering dead babies and fucking moms. Have somebody go and you're like you look at his arm and leg over there and you're like Yeah. And people hate you on top of that. That's true. That sucks. You can't you can't win. Especially cops.

But first responders, people don't know how to do it. Nobody really hates ambulance drivers. No. No, or firemen. Or firemen, yeah. Well. They're not. What boys we've got to wrap this up. I don't think we do digest. We just started. We're just gonna go. J Mo's drunk. You're not going anywhere, brother. You're gonna bong another beer. I gotta do a thing soon. What do you think? You gotta do a thing in your kids.

Yeah, I gotta go to a thing. What do you got a a class uh play? Show and tell? You can bong a beer. PT. You can bong a beer before it goes. I gotta be out of here in a little bit. Talent show. I go to the bathroom one more time, but we're not ending here. How many times have you gone to the bathroom? You were already on three. I've gone one.

What's you fucking dirty on that competition with you? Yeah, you dream sipping a fucking bullseye. I haven't even seen you refill that thing. Twice, it's true. Twice. Twice. I remember the noise twice.

Oh so nice to be back boys. It is good to be back. This is so fun. Speak out of school, but this might be the best one. We missed you dude. It was weird not knowing where you were. I was very uncomfortable. I didn't like it. Sorry. I was completely Dude, when I texted you when I was back, you're like, who is this? I was like, I'm not sure.

Hey, it's the Jew. Like, who is this? I'm like, You know the fuck it is. And you're like, Yes, motherfucker. Well, I still get a million dollars. They like new things about me. I'm like, Yes, you did that. But I've been meaning to change my phone number for so long. Like every time a new one comes in, I'm like, oh fuck this. I got the same one since 17 years old. Oh here we go. Oh here we go. It's my mom's Oh tits. This is Moscow horde.

No. This is this is Florida. Oakland Coliseum. Oakland. Oakland Coliseum. Oakland was white. These were the Raiders play.

A Hendrix tribute band. You just get sad. Tribute band. Yeah, you just get sad. Like I missed Hendrix again. Well you know what's weird? It's like Journey. They have like Ste that guy, Steve, what is his name? The lead singer of Journey. Steve Steve Perry. He's still alive. Yeah. And he doesn't sing for Journey anymore. There's another guy who sings for Journey. He's like a Filipino. You can go replace drummer, you can play his guitar, you cannot replace lead singer. Right. No way. Exactly.

Although I saw a foreigner with the new guy. How was it? Was it cooking? I was so excited. Yeah? See Jupox Hero live? I saw that Foreigner stick. Death Leopard. I was there for Fourner. And then I worked in a factory the next day at 4 a.m. Dang. What kind of factory? What were you making? No way. I shoveled glue into a machine for twelve hours the next day. Glue? Glues and ice cream? Yeah, we were making the packaging.

Glue? You made the package. That's crazy. Did you get free ice cream? That's crazy. Uh you could stick your hand in the ice cream. We don't make the ice cream love. We make the package. Glue into a machine sounds like fucking a sex doll. It was Yeah, a lot of glue. Are when when do you decide when you're gonna do these walkabouts? Like How far out? Well in advance.

Probably like a year. So like how much time between now and the next walkabout? No plans for the next one yet. You've done Asia, you've done South America. Russia uh no interest in Russia. Yeah, go to Zimbabwe. Go get arrested, faggot. Uh Africa would be cooler. Yeah, do it, pussy. Go to Ghana. Go to Ghana. Go to go to uh fucking Gaza. I don't know where it'd be next. I dare you. Gaza's got no good coffee shop.

Not anymore. They're they're roasted. They did. They definitely did. Jesus Christ Off the cuff. Off the cuff. You son of a bitch. Uh yeah, I don't know where it's like. Philippines. Bombshell sex harassment suit against Who's that guy? Lorna Hodgine. JP Morgan branded complete fabrication as John Doe unmasked. What is what is this you're showing? Oh, with the lady? Yeah that's the guy who made up the story.

That's the guy. So this is the guy who worked. I knew it was fabricated. Everything is fabricated. Let me see the guy. So what is this? Indian uh Jared Fogle. Oh hello. Think of her being like wood But imagine her, she's walking around and everybody thinks that she said those horrible things and talked about her tits like they're cannons. Cannons. I'm so sorry. You're if you were embarrassed about your bush.

So this guy just made it all up? Yeah, look at it. Is that the alleged forty man the virgin. Hmm. He does. Ah, the cannons. Ah, he fell down a hill. Whoa, even turned up unannounced? At Rana's apartment and forced him to have sex. Oh, that was the that was the thing. That was the lie. Yeah, the lie. Well good for her. She's been uh exonerated.

She categorically denies the allegation she never engaged in any inappropriate conduct with this individual of any kind and has never been to the loco location Where the alleged sexual assault supposedly took place. It's not sexual assault if a girl No forced you. Like what are we talking about? Does it come on twenty times in a row? Sexually assault a I lost my virginity to a hooker when I was sixteen. She was probably fifty.

It was the best night of my life. I'm a survivor. Oh man, look at the they're posting pretty pictures. What about Winona Ryder? You heard about her and Jamiraquai? What? No, she didn't Jamiroquai and her used to fuck and he said I couldn't keep up with her. She wanted to bang so much. Wow. It was like annoying. Jamaruquai's making a comeback.

Uh believe it's a little bit more than a lot of that story. Yeah. I know it's not a good story. He said she had huge tits and it was a problem, they were bigger than they looked. But pull it up, J Mo. I drink dark. Well how crazy is that? But Nona Ryder. Like imagine kicking her out of bed and like you wanna fuck too much. And this is like thirty years ago. You go to Jamura Kwai? Jamie. Nope. Keep it in. It was actually good, but you're just it's your likability is the issue.

It's a really good joke. If I said it we'd all be going such a weird name. What was his big song? Yeah, that one really good song Virtual Insanity. It did a sick ass music video where he was dancing. Yeah, that one. What was the song? Oh huge mommy milkers is what he said about her tits. Are we sure that this is true though? Did he really say this? There it is. Mommy what's a mommy milker? The memes about the shocking viral story.

She was hot and she liked a shoplift. She's your kind of girl normally. Oh yeah, big fan. She's got shoplift together. Oh yeah. I'll show her some strange things. Wow. Her boobs are too big and she wanted to have sex all the why did they have to cross out sex? What happened to a big thing? It's an algorithm thing. It's just like things don't get suppressed. I know. But it's a tube. What does that mean? You know, in uh on TikTok you can't use a juice box emoji.

That's right. Yes. But we love juice boxes. Yeah, but it's the free box. Jews are all about that. But now the Jews own TikTok. That's right. Really? I think. Did it go through? Yeah. What's that guy saying? But they took it from China and sold it to they purchased it at a reasonable rate. Ellison? Yeah. Ellison's Jewish? You gotta see that face. Yeah, I think well like they own TikTok now and I think they're trying to own the weather? A B C the weather. That was that thing true about Iran?

But then I read that that's horse shit and that they have the same amount of rain every year. Those are conspiracies created by dumb as shit. You'll believe we created the weather. Well then, when you say that control it, of course. But then you go, but you definitely bombed kids. And that's not a conspiracy. Right. But also they bombed everybody. It was stolen right. What do you mean? Stolen.

has killed way more children than what you're talking about. Oh but that's true. Can we do this the way you guys the way you guys did where it was uh you guys I don't know. Well you you're going against the US. Shane look at this story. As fighting escalated and air corridors were restricted, social media posts alleged that cloud seeding aircraft used by the US and its allies have been grounded, causing stolen rains to return. So we've been Show me Iran for a long time.

Wow, look at that Rusla. Look how dope that building is. Look at that building. Is that an Iranian building? Looks like it. That building is dope as fuck. That ain't Cleveland. We should make up when when I buy a ranch. When I buy a ranch, we should cause that make that our podcast studio. I don't know, don't make it look just like that. I'm not sure you want that. See what it says on the outside there. Maybe it says something cool.

Yeah. Fuck yeah. In Arabic. It says America America. Fuck yeah in Arabic. The Arabic writing is dope as fuck though. It looks cool. It looks pretty slick. They invented writing? Where'd you hear that? Well numbers I should say. I thought that's Group. They came up with numbers. What do Greek do? Thanks guys. What a great episode we had. We had a good time. Hey, should we get dinner? I'm starving. Fun times, boys.

Oh geez. Next one. Next one. Two months. Let's do two months. Let's keep'em regular. Two months. Come on, we can do this. Come on. We're in May right now. Is it May yet? It's close. Tomorrow's first. Tomorrow's May? Yeah, today when it comes out it's May first. Well the end June thirteen. Just the end part. Speaking of the end, uh stories available at ari Shavir dot com right now starring Shane Gillis and Mark Norman. Available at ariShafir dot com

There it is, the end. Look at all those people. Look how much you handsome son of a bitch. Look where you belong in that period of time. Praise our Lord. Jews killed Jesus. Uh tires new season. When's the new season coming out? Uh I don't know if I'm allowed to say. Should be around August. Okay. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Let me guess. Shout out to everybody out there listening.