Joe Rogan Podcast, check it out! The Joe Rogan experience. Charlie Kirk. No Don't No No Don't say that. No, don't say that. Dog's a Nazi. What up dog? New Netflix special out now. You got that right, Fatty. Let's fucking go. None too pleased. Check it out. We just hit number five, so I'm trying to get to to Uno. Well maybe this'll do it. Hopefully. Hopefully. I'll put it up on my Instagram.
Alright, thank you, thank you. Everything helps. It's uh a saturated market. I know. There's 19 comedy specials a day now. YouTube and Hulu and the other thing, 4chan. It's not just that, there's like Just you're competing with cont You think about how many fucking shows there are now. It's kinda nuts. I mean, forget shows. There's shows, there's TikToks, there's reels, the shorts. It's it never ends. Never been a time where there's more things to watch and divide your attention.
I know. And then there's the war. Yay. There's so much to pay attention to the world. There's politics as OnlyFans. Yeah. So much to pay attention to, buddy. Oh yeah. We'll just pretend that's Ari. He's back. Well, you know, Ari always gets too high and an hour in he just shuts up. Don't fall off the table.
He looks like the Ayatollah now. Have you seen him? He's got the beard. I know. He came to the club the other day. He's gay now too? Yeah, oh the Ayatollah. Oh, the new Ayatollahs. Yeah. Yeah. Is that real? Ah, that's what Trump said. I think that's his real. He's never lied. Oh okay. I think they just try and fuck with the guy. Mm-hmm.'Cause if you get if you're gay in a round.
Just throw you off a building, right? He's gonna have to throw himself off. You know, there was like one of the first places or the number one place in the world for transgender surgeries. I heard that. Because you couldn't be gay. So you'd rather be a woman. You so you have to be a woman. You gotta get fucked in the ass. That's kinda progressive. I can't get fucked in the Well, you can, I guess. They don't check. Right. But you get fucked in your fake cooter.
Fake cooter. That sounds like an Austin bar. Fake cooter. It probably will be. Yeah. After this. Uh, Iran. I I mean they've gotta be terrified. I don't know much about anything but uh I would be scared to fight a country that is having a f a fist fight on the White House lawn. That's how badass and crazy we are. They're like, we're fighting at the president's house, each other. Yeah. We're gonna fuck you up. I'm not thrilled about that.
You're gonna be there? Yeah, I'll be there, but I'm not thrilled about it. Doesn't seem like a wise idea. Yeah. It looks like they're targeting the fucking reporter. Whoa. Hey Charlie Oh, this dog's gonna be a uh it's gonna be a whole different show here. He's never uh been with me alone before. He's only been with my wife alone, but he loves me. He slept with me last he sleeps in the bed uh with my daughter, so he slept with me last night. Oh boy.
It's good. We got we got diversity here. It's a brown dog. Yeah, they they attacked that reporter man. Crazy. It looked I mean, unless it was a wayward missile. Which is like what happened to precision strike? Oh yeah. That's right. Imagine calling a bomb that's going like five thousand miles an hour surgical. I think they got old equipment over there, they got Atari and shit. They're way behind.
But we hit a school. That was on us, I think. Yeah. Yeah. But I think even in our other countries we're shooting schools. Well the school was uh unfortunately what is it, James? Whoa, is that the re damn that's quite a hit. That's nuts. Jesus Christ, it looks like LA. It's crazy that you can capture it. Like how good are these cameras?
Meanwhile they couldn't catch that plane flying into the Pentagon. Right? When you see that thing, that that thing looks just like a missile too. Right. What do you think that was that plane that hit the Pentagon? Why would they be shooting a missile into a h a place that's already been hit by missiles? And why is it in Russia? Russia Russia Today reported. Oh got it, got it. Sorry. Yeah, RT. I in Lebanon. Oh, in Lebanon. I wonder if they're t uh going after
Press.'Cause they've gone after press before. Interesting. Yeah. I mean they've been accused of shooting press in Gaza. Right. Yeah. Smart because they want to tell their own story. I don't want you in there with their your cameras. Yeah. What do you think about these Netanyahu AI videos? I haven't seen them. You haven't seen them? No. Oh, they think he might be dead. What? Yeah. There's a bunch of AI videos that Israel is really
That are like clearly AI. What? Show show him the one where there's in the car the cafe. This one. No. Like this one I would assume that some kid. Yeah. Just fucking around on his computer. All right. Like I saw it, I was like, there's no way they're really trying to pass this off as an actual video of Netanyahu at a cafe in the middle of the war. Like everything is calm and peaceful. Yeah this one. Show the actual It's on the Israel website uh or the Israel Twitter. Yeah.
Holy moly, he's dead. That's crazy. I s well his brother's dead. His brother got killed in a Recently? What? Yes. Are you just not online? What's going on? I just watch funny shit and goof around. Pour some of that. Let's go. Come on, give me some. Oh hey, I thought you quit. Oh no, I got back on. Hey I knew you got you turned Muslim or something. I didn't know what happened. Jihad, I'm back. Hell yeah. Alhamdulillah, poor pour me one. Easy Zoran.
Bodega cat. Cheers, sir. Cheers. Hey, good to be back. When Alvari's dead weight holding us down. I don't get drunk. Oof, I might dis off this stuff though. But uh I have stories I took like eight months off. It was a good reset. I mean I you're so sure. I'll take a week off and I'm like limitless. Yeah. Well I realized that uh because of the club I was just drinking
Right. And I was just tired all the time. Like, and I'd go to work out the next day. I was like, God, I feel like shit. Why am I doing this? And then I took eight months off, then I had a glass of wine with dinner. I was like, Ooh, I like it. And then I had a margarita and I was like, Ooh, I'm back. It's a great time. This one. So look at this. This is AI. That's fake.
Well, people have zoomed in on the the um signs and stuff and it's not even real writing. Mm. And you say, Look, I have five fingers. We're going to be able to do that. Right. I think that just looked like the crease of his hand. Yeah. This looks fake as fuck. First of all
It's weird because he sips out of the cup and yet the cup stays exactly the same level and no matter where he moves the cup around, it doesn't spill. Right. Like there's there's a moment where he turns the cup like almost Sideways. It moves way too much for it to not spill at all. And why would he just be doing it looks like an ad for this coffee shop? You just hanging out at a coffee shop during a war?
Oh the and all and also like how's everybody so casual? Yeah. He didn't tip though, so that's that's the Judaism is coming through. But yeah, no, this is crazy. Totally. This is silly. Let me hear what he's saying. What is he saying? Is it in Hebrew? לצהל, למוסד, אנחנו עושים דברים שאני לא יכול לשתף ברגע זה, אבל עושים דברים מקים באיראן חזק מאוד גם ביום הזה, גם בלבנון, ממשיכים, אתם אמורים לי להמשיך?
Gamatem Tum Shihu. Look, everybody's happy to see him. Can you imagine if you were in that coffee shop, you're like, please leave, please leave before the bombs come. Please leave before they target you. They're trying to find that guy everywhere he fucking goes. Oh look at that. See we got the Ayatollah in there too. There's some really good AI platforms now in To know.
This is he's got come on, he can't be dead. He might be dead. His brother's dead. See, that's like look at this. Yeah. Like the coffee look how turned it. Right. It doesn't spill at all. It just wiggles to the edge. And then they've also shown that like on the register and in some of the signs the the writing's not real. Mm. It's very Well right. We'll drink one for the for Yahoo. We hasn't been seen publicly in over a week. Mm. So he might.
Yeah, there's a lot of crazy shit going on. I can't keep up with the hormous. I don't know what that's about. That's completely closed now. They they even bombed like the Saudis had another way to move oil out into a another direction across the Red Sea, I believe it is. And uh the the Iranians bombed that. Oh yeah? Yeah. Oh in front of people. He's alive. In front of people?
I wonder so if he is alive, I wonder why they would release that clearly AI video. Yeah, kinda. This doesn't look they say that privately but The world owes a debt of deep indebtedness, deep indebtedness, to President Trump for leading this effort to safeguard our future. Trying to get war with Iran for decades, man. Yeah, he's loving us. And then he gets indicted. Right. He's in the middle of at least one case, one corruption.
Mm-hmm. Well this is his Super Bowl. He's he's in heaven. So there's people in the audience, right? So this is real. Oh, they don't show the people? You could say that's fake, but I need to see the people. I need to see somebody hug'em. So wait, why why are you saying to see somebody jerk'em off. I want to know it's real. Let's see that no foreskin. Do you imagine if they did show that, they just showed? A rope. Just fire hose of jizz to show how virile he is.
Yeah. Now you why you not why are you not looking forward to the White House fight? Um well it's kind of a gimmick, yeah. Of course. There's that and you know, people are criticizing the card, but if it was any other card, it's a great card. Mm-hmm. It just they're criticizing it'cause they said it was gonna be the greatest card.
And it's also it's just gonna be a security nightmare. That's true. You're on the White House lawn. Also they're fighting outside. What if it rains? What if it's hot? You're in the middle of June. Right. June in DC can get pretty warm. Yep, yep. That that affects fighting. Like we only did one outside fight that I was a part of and that was in Abu Dhabi and it was a night.
Yeah. It was really hot and there was bugs flying around. They're side of f size of fucking birds. It was crazy. It's like stand up. You you gotta do it indoors. A hundred percent. Outside is hell for stand up. Yeah, it's terrible. Terrible. Most shows are bad outside, but Here's my idea. We do White House fight, but we fight politicians. Huh? Get a Boebert versus AOC? Now that's a fight.
But I think I think uh RFK would win everything. I think Jasmine Crockett whoops them all. Oh yeah. She's feisty. She'd take a shoe off. She pulls the wig off, stuffs it in your mouth. Takes her earrings off. I'm terrified. Well she's not a politician. Yeah, but she'll be around. They never leave. Maybe. They go forever, these guys. Maybe Bernie's still cooking. Yeah, but he's the senator. He's been a senator forever.
So who knows what's gonna happen now. But Hillary's around, what is she doing? She's uh Probably but. Ah you think? I hope. I mean she needs uh relief. This guy this lady's I kinda like Hillary just'cause she's you know, she got cheated on publicly with the Monica thing. Now she's doing the Epstein's Island stuff, she lost the presidential race, and she's still out there. She's kind of a badass. I would kill myself at this point. Well...
She's also got like a list of people that have mysteriously disappeared. Oh, is that right? That are attached to her and Bill. Oh really? Yeah, you don't know about that? No. For real? I know about the Clinton body count? I know Norm was on the view years ago and he said Clinton killed a guy. Yeah, he said kill.
That's where I get my information. It's a good way to get it from the view. But super solid, detailed information. But she's getting like grilled by the Epstein people or about Epstein and she's just like going off. And Bill's reminiscing. Oh and posted it online. That's it. I'm le Yeah. How are you allowed to leave? Yeah, exactly. Sit the fuck down. You're not even in office anymore. You're just a civilian. Sit your fucking ass down and answer the questions. Yeah. Like it's just an excuse.
But you gotta hand a bill, he's denying'til he dies. Bill did nothing. I was uh only there for humanitarian purposes. We got photos and everything. I was just getting massages and hugging nice people. Exactly. Nothing uh untoward was done to me or anyone else that was there, as far as I know. This is pretty good. I didn't see that side of Jeffrey Epstein. You gotta bring this back.
Look at this guy. We got photo evidence. That lady's smiling. If she claims victim, I call horseshit. She looks like she's having a good time. Also, that's a woman. You know, it's like once you're a woman, okay, you know, unless someone's holding a gun to your head If we're talking about children, we're talking about a different thing. But there's a lot of these ladies that were grown women when they were doing this and the emails that were exchanged
between Epstein and these women, like they were well aware of what's going on. At least some of them were. There was this Russian lady that was talking she was recruiting girls who was saying this one's This one's a fat ass. She needs to lose some weight. She's trying to get these girls to work with Epstein. Right. Who just lane? No, it wasn't just Lane, it was some other Russian lady. Oh damn.
Were there underage girls involved? Now clearly they were in Epstein's past. He went he went to jail for it. The whole Palm Beach thing with the underage Masseuses. But some of these are just ladies who did bad things. They made bad decisions and they probably wound up on that island for money. Yeah. Okay. A couple of whore moves. Oh, hey, where you going, buddy? Charlie.
Snuck out little fucker. I'm a little worried about I was hop hop he looked like he was totally calm just sitting in that chair. Oh Jamie's gone. Bro, you're locked up. Jamie's used to having a little dog and his life, Oh he's giving you kisses. Damn, not a Rogan fan, huh? Unlike the pot, he's bored.
No, he just he just and doesn't know this environment. I think he's a little weirded out. And then he was out there with the mountain lion, stuffed mountain lion, the alligators like and the werewolf. He's like what the fuck is this place? He's never been here.
before. Then there's weed smoke, there's dogs. I think he's a little weirded out. The cigars. Right. Everything. Whiskey in here, he probably smells that. Speaking of which, uh you got any of those stogies? Yeah, let's bust them out. I would love a stogie. Let's go. Hell yeah. Boy, I see I can't keep up with all the news. You know about Epstein, you know about Iran, you know about Israel, you know about Hillary. This is uh I'm off uh
I've been off social media for a while. The only time I'm on is when someone sends me something funny. Oh yeah. And I go and check it and then uh I find myself scrolling for like thirty seconds and I was Stop That's how they get Stop fucking scrolling. It's impossible. Um These say Knuckle Sandwich. Where did these come from? Mm. Knuckle Sandwich is uh
That can't be the same place.'Cause there's a isn't there a place there's Knuckles Sandwich, which is the sandwich truck in Austin, which is awesome. And Chris Brown's album. Oh, these are Guy Fury cigars. Alright, let's hope they're good. Did you see that bachelorette who got kicked off or beaten the shit out of her? Yo for real? On the show? My wife's a big uh reality lady. And uh That's healthy. I know, right?
She loves it. All of those ninety day fiancé. They love it. That and true crime. Yes, right? Isn't it weird? Oh yeah. I get the true crime because They don't really commit those kind of violent acts, so they probably need to understand like the male mind. Right. That makes sense to me. Yeah. But what I don't understand is the I I mean, I don't know, maybe I'm just Stuck up. No matter what
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Well they say it's biological. They're like oh I'm learning how to avoid these scary moments. No, I get that. Because it is like my daughters, young daughters, they all love it. Everyone loves it. Their friends love it. Yeah. It's like the number one show with lady. Oh yeah. Like the number one podcast with ladies is true crime.
You know what the number two show for ladies is? What? You're on it. Hey, get out of here. Really? Number one with black people too. Holla. Hey, take that Shay Shay. Holla. Alright. Shout out to all my African American friends. Hell yeah. These are not bad. Guy Fit Area. Let's go, guy. I love Guy. He's a fun dude. Cool dude. Got a bunch of yellow cars though.
Yeah. Yeah. He well not the not the best uh fashion sense. You know, shirts with flames on it, frosted tips. Yeah, but you're paying attention. That's true. Like if you wanna be a s a chef and you wanna be like a celebrity chef, you gotta Either be a great narrator and a great writer like Bourdain. Yeah. Or you gotta be like angry like uh Gordon Ramsey. Gordon Ramsey. Yeah.
That's true, but what what happened to chefs? When I was a kid chefs were like fat guys with beards and now they all have they're jacked with tats. Yeah, well they're all they all look like artists.'Cause they are artists I guess. But it's I I didn't really think of that until I watched Bourdain show. Then I was like, Oh, these guys are making temporary art. That's true. Then you get to eat it. Yeah. But it is art.
It is art, yeah. They're mixing oils. There's a lot of chemistry involved. Mm-hmm. But they kinda went the same path as porn stars. Porn stars used to be like voluptuous and hairy, bush, and now they're all like They're all like MMA fighters. They're jacked and taken in the ass. It's wild. They're all tatted up and pierced and shit. One of the things that I've been watching a lot when the world is going completely crazy.
I watch people making street food in other countries. Oh, that's with no language, no talking. It's all ASMR. It's all them cooking. Oh yeah. No regulations either. Bring'em over here. Bring'em over here. Come on over. They're they're not washing hands over there. And they'll use roadkill or whatever. Like they don't they they don't give a shit.
No, they're they're they're using good food. It was Afghanistan. They were making roast chicken. Oh, come on. Dude, I'm telling you I'll I'll send it to Jamie and you'll watch it. All right. All right. It's exciting. I mean I ate halal trucks for ten years when I was broke in New York. They're great. They are great. But I I could be eating pigeon and uh children. Not children, but definitely pigeon. Probably pigeons made it into your mouth a couple of times.
I watch so much too. YouTube is my number one thing because I'm off social social media. I love it. It's my number one thing for distraction. Whoa. Oh yeah, this is exact Jamie, you're the best. M this is it. Most cheap food in Afghanistan. This guy uh he sets up, they cook all this stuff, and you you wa I mean it's like a forty minute video or something. How long Yeah. It looked fucking delicious. Look at those spices. My God. Yeah, and they they have uh meat in the
stew pot and they well it's like you know, a big wok it looks like. Yeah. And they boil it up with all the salt and all these herbs and spices. And then they got these roast chickens and they take these chickens and they stick'em in spikes. If you back up the video a little bit, it's earlier in the video, you show they take these chickens and they just have this big flame in the middle and then then they stick these chickens all around the flame.
This is hell for a vegan. The shape of that, fun fact I think, if this is true, uh that's because that's they used to flip their shields upside down and It's sort of like. Oh, yeah I love it. That makes sense. Yeah. That totally makes sense. Wouldn't it be great if the end is just a big drone strike? Well, we don't bomb Afghanistan anymore. We send them money.
Oh, is that right? Now we send the Taliban money. We send them a ton of money. We hook up everybody. Ukraine. Should go to back to the chickens, though. If you back up. Whoa, he's got a little brush. No, you go yeah, there it is. So this is how he does it. So they have this this fire in the middle and they just take these chickens on a stick and they just rotate it.
And they put'em in the center. They put the fire in the center and the chickens all around'em and they rotate'em. I got so hungry. I had to go in the kitchen to make myself food afterwards. This is a chicken holocaust. Man, it does look amazing. Oh, dude, it looks fucking delicious. I mean you you ever get the rotisserie chicken at the grocery store? Oh there's nothing better. Pretty good. It's good. You just eat it with knife and fork. No no uh no nothing.
And you like that's a good thing to do when you just want to be completely distracted. That's what I like. When I what I like watching people make like tables furniture. That the horse hoof cleaning is great. I watched that too. Farriers. What is that? Is that something in us, I think, from innate to old time.
It must be. It must be. Like there's a nail in his hoof. Oh get it out. Get it out. Get the gunk out. Help the horse. Yeah, and the horse loves it. That's a good one. What else is good? Uh the the pressure washing is kind of fun. That's what I'm really high. I take an edible, I just wash a guy, he's just washing a wall and it goes from black to cement. Yeah. 32 million.
Okay, so what is that? Why why are we so interested in watching people clean up horse hooves? Well I think part of it is it doesn't hurt the horse and it f looks like it would. So that's kind of fascinating'cause it's all what is that? Like cartilage or fingernail stuff. I guess so. Giant fat fingernails.
Wow. That's what it's like. I mean that's what a horse hoove is. And if they don't take care of the hooves, they get real weird and they look like like Arab shoes where they like curl up at the tips. Yeah, right, right. Like that, like that. There it is. So this must be somebody just like completely neglected that poor horse.
But what did horses do in the uh They wear off from running around. Oh, I see. Yeah, just like a dog's fingernails. Like you have to trim your dog's nails unless the dogs run around outside a lot, then you don't have to do anything. Got it. They never stop growing. Rat teeth don't stop growing? Beaver teeth don't, right? Oh, is that right? I didn't know. Oh, shearing shoes. Oh, this is good stuff. Wow. Isn't it amazing how many views how many how many views does that have?
Uh yeah, twenty three million. I'm gonna go uh three million subscribers on the channel. I'm gonna go eighty million. Three million subscribers. Th three point seven million. This is just a Greek guy. Look at that. There's another guy that I love. It's uh the channel's called Wilderness Cooking. Mm. And this guy lives in Azerbaijan and he cooks in the mountains. He always looks delicious. And then at the end of it he has a bite of it and he looks at you and he goes
Super. He like puts gives you a thumb up. Yeah. It's a great channel. It's like and that guy's got millions and millions of views. This dude. So he's always like he catches fish and he does all the things. He he makes his own fire and he's always cooking in weird ways.
See this guy's way happier than all of us. Oh yeah yeah yeah. He's having a good time. Well he lives in peaceful mountains. He's making delicious food. Mm-hmm. Imagine him on cameo just saying super. He could make a billion dollars. It says happy birthday. Super. Wow. Who's the who makes the most a cameo? They're still doing that? Really? Yeah. Who's like the number one earner on Cameo? That's a great question. Sure, Dino Might had a run. It's gotta be somebody with a catch.
Is Jimmy Walker still alive? Oh yeah. Is he still touring? I I I'd imagine. I don't know how he pays the bills. No. These old guys, you wonder how they have money. Right. Can that last? Like how long does Dynomite You know what I worry about? Guys who were like middle axe like twenty years ago, and they just faded out like what are you? I assume Uber or something. John Kirikow is number one. Yeah. That's crazy.
So he does cameos? Who's that? I don't even know who that is. Who are all the John Kierkow? Yeah. What? Yeah. They they put him in jail. A golfer. Oh you know him? Yeah. And he's number two? Yeah. How much money's he making? I mean he does a lot of these. He was always in a fight like with Santa during Christmas time and John. John Green's been up here
Oh that dude Soy Tiet, the guy who sings. Oh yeah, he's fun. Yeah. And then who's red? Is that one of the island boys? Who's that guy in the lower left corner? Oh wow. Those guys are still at it. So John Kierkow cost a hundred and seventy nine dollars for one of those. Oh bam. Bam Margaret. Good for him. Who else is in there? Anyone you know? No. No.
Interesting. Oh, Red Dead Redemption Guy. Oh, Nick Foley the uh wrestler. There you go. How odd. What an odd thing. Who's buying a rap aport? President Donald Trump parody is number thirty seven. Michael Rappaport. He's screaming enough for free. Why would you buffer? Of course, buffer. Yeah. I've seen people uh in a hotel that I've seen them do'em. I I've been with them we've got a sort of a year
How crazy his story with his brother. Crazy. Isn't that bananas? Yeah. That kind of shit blows my mind. Didn't even know his brother until they were like thirty. And they just found each other with the with the voice, both fighting. Yeah. Well he was like the budget buffer. in the beginning. Like he was like you if you couldn't afford Michael, you got Bruce. But now Bruce is way better
No disrespect to Michael. Oh boy. But Michael gets you know, Michael's smooth. Let's get ready to rumble which is perfect for box. But Bruce is perfect for MMA. Yeah, he's got more flair. Fucking height. Oh yeah. He's got the suit on. He's gonna drop dead doing that one day. We've all called it.
Oh yeah. I don't know how old he is. And he parties too, I think. Bruce parties? Oh yeah. How do you know? There's a bunch of videos of him. He got into a fist fight in an elevator with an MMA fighter. Oh that was at Frank Trigg. Yeah. Yeah. Kind of a fist fight. Like a little bit of a pushing shoving probably. Frank Trigg would literally kill him. I know, that's why I'm impressed'cause he he he stood up to him. Frank Trigg was a animal.
Yeah. I would not be able to do that. I don't think Frank really fought him back. I think that would be a very quick encounter. But just the fact that he he was up for it. I don't know what really happened. I think the story's online somewhere. Yeah, it's Bruce's version of the story.
Yeah, it's true. You know what I mean? I don't know. Not that Bruce is lying. B Bruce might have thought he was in a fight and Frank might have thought it was hilarious. Right, right. I don't know. Yeah. But Bruce uh did martial arts most of his life. The craziest coincidence of all and and get get your fingers ready, J Mo. Dennis the Menace, the cartoon. was invented in England and in America on the same day. Put that in your pipe and jizz on it. Get get that cooking.
Oh yeah.'Cause they were like, Oh, you must have stolen this so they went back and and researched it. They were both invented, same character, same name on the same day and the same year. That makes no sense. Isn't that bananas? My brain blew up. That literally makes no sense. It's crazy.
So that's a fun way. How is that possible? I don't know. Just you know, uh monkeys writing on a typewriter eventually you get Shakespeare. Two guys thinking of the same thing same day. Cross the pond. Maybe that's one of those things like what is that called? Like um Like Berenstein Bears w the mandala effects. Oh yeah. This is something that's real. That's true. Right. That's right. Right. No, I'm thinking of rugged.
What does Perplexity say? Our lovely AI sponsor, Perplexity, says there's actually two completely separate Dennis the Menace comic strip characters that debuted almost simultaneously in nineteen fifty one, created independently in the UK and the US. So how would they even know about each other back then? Oh sorry, it's seventeenth and twelve. So they're five days apart. Who started first? British was the seventeenth. Okay. On sale. Issue dated seventeenth March on sale, twelve march.
created by these guys, American, on twelfth of March. No. Like basically the same day on sale. On sale the same day. Unbelievable. Blonde hair overalls. And it said your son is a menace. Is did they both say that? No. I don't know. Why? Both mischievous little boys, but they look different. UK Dennis has black hair, red and black jumper, US Dennis blonde hair overall.
They live in different fictional worlds. Creators worked entirely independently, no evidence, either knew about the other before publication, so it's treated as a famous coincidence rather than copying. Wow. Unreal. There they are, side by side. That kind of shit is kooky. It's weird. That's like when rats you like if you teach a rat how to get out of a maze on the east coast, rats on the west coast get out of the maze quite No fucking way. Yeah.
There's a a guy named Rupert Sheldrick, he calls it Morphic Resonance. He thinks there's there's some sort of like communication that all animals have with each other all over the world that we can't quantify that we can't measure, but it seems real. Yeah. Well apparently I got caught in an ant pile when I was a kid and all the ants swarmed on me and they all bit me at once.
I felt it I was like ah it was just one big just wave of pain. Oh yeah. They communicated. Well ants just immediately attack though as soon as you get on. But ants are they're on another level. You hear about the lady that fell, uh she was her parachute didn't deploy, but she landed in an ant pile of fire ants. No she survived because she was bit like a thousand times by these fire ants. And somehow or another the ant bites and the adrenaline that caused it help helped
Is what what kept her alive. What? Yeah. Wow. That's when you start going religion shit. I know. Like how did that happen? Ant bites. Nineteen ninety nine. Her parachute malfunction. She fell four thousand five hundred feet. Her backup parachute opened at seven hundred feet but quickly deflated. She continued to plummet towards the ground at eighty miles an hour. Miraculously she survived the fall thanks to the fact she landed directly on a mound of fire and five.
Doctors believe the intense shock of being stung over two hundred times by the ants released a surge of adrenaline which kept her heart beating. Oh it's like a clear She got cleared by ants. Isn't that nuts? That is kooky. It's like when those guys jump off the Golden Gate Bridge and a seal a guy jumped off, broke all his bones, and a seal pushed him to the shore. Whoa. That's in the documentary The Bridge. A friend of mine did that, died. Really? Yeah.
It's the number one spot to kill yourself. Yeah. R.I.P. Tony Anagoni. He's a buddy of mine that uh was a professional pool player that uh I did commentary with him on a pool match in the nineties. He was in a book called Playing Off the Rail. It's a great book by this guy, uh, David McCumber, who was Hunter S. Thompson's editor. Ah in I wanna say Seattle, something like that. I forget what newspaper.
But um when Hunter was like off the rails and out of his fucking mind too, it's perfect another different kind of off the rail. Right, right. So he followed my friend Tony all across the country uh gambling. They it it's a great book about like pool hustling. Yeah. Tony was like a world class professional pool player and they went around the country gambling and I don't know what happened with him, but I lost touch with him and then um Was he Golden Gate?
Oh damn. It's like they all know to go there. Well he was a San Francisco guy. He li he lived up there his whole life. And um I got this message from a friend of mine. Tony jumped off the bridge. I was like, no. Whoa. Crazy. Well it's weird. Cause I I watch matches sometimes on YouTube and he's doing the commentary for the matches. That's crazy. It's so strange because he seems so happy. He's enjoying himself. They're cracking up and I'm like What is it that makes someone want to end it?
You know, what is it? Like what was I guess he had like some failed business ventures and he was going bankrupt and Well depression is you know, way was way more uh un researched back then. Yeah. You know, you probably just thought, ah, something's wrong with me. I gotta end this pain. But damn. But yeah, everybody who lived, they said each of'em said separately, right when my hand left the rail, I was I I regretted it. Oh yeah. They all separated. Every single one.
Yeah, everybody who lives. So don't do it. It's a terrible idea. Yeah. Do you remember the one in downtown LA where the guy was like on I think he shot himself with a shotgun. He was like standing on the edge of a bridge And it was live on T V.
Do you remember that one? Yeah. It was like a standoff. They were trying to get him to not jump, but he had a shotgun. I'm I think I'm conflating it. Bull it up. But I'm pretty sure he blew his brains out on TV. Damn, I knew about the fat guy with the gun in the mouth. The old uh politician guy. Was he a judge? Was he a dirty judge? Maybe a judge. A dirty judge. Yeah, yeah. That's that song Hey Man, nice shot. Exactly. Yeah. And that was a hot video when I was a kid. Oh yeah. Face.
Faces. Butt wire. That's it. That was one of the first ones where you get to see a guy die. Like a viral video. giant gun in his mouth. Look at forty four. And everybody goes, No, no, don't do it Oh great. He's like, Stay back, relax. Everyone, stay calm. He just shoved it in his mouth and boom. Woo! Blew the top of his dome off. And now we just see people getting shot on Twitter every ten seconds. Every day. I mean the Kirk thing, I remember waking up and being like Good God.
Kirk thing's weird because now there's video footage from behind. Is that right? Yeah. It it I mean the round that he was supposedly shot with was a thirty odd six, which is a big round. That's a round that you kill a moose with. Uh huh. And it doesn't even have an exit. Right. It don't make no sense. It makes zero sense. Well you hear about this Joe Kent.
Yeah. Yeah, they told him not to research or investigate. Yes. So what's up with that? He said that they were told to stop their investigation. Yeah. And that they were gonna handle it. And he just resigned. And meanwhile, have they handled it? Like we haven't seen that guy, the the guy who loves furries, who supposedly killed Charlie Kirk. Tyler Robinson. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. We haven't seen him Talk.
like independent video of him talking about it. Yeah. And then there was footage of him like at a yogurt shop way across town, like twenty minutes later. The whole thing is like Super sauce. It's similar with the guy who shot Trump, whatever his name was. He had three names. Oh yeah, that kid. That kid was in a black rock commercial two years before. He had no silverware and look, I his house was professionally scrubbed.
I and no one can ask questions about that. We can't uh deep dive on that. If you do you're a conspiracy theorist. I shot a a uh presidential elect. Well yeah, not only that, but isn't that a fucking conspiracy? Like that's a conspiracy. Conspire to murder the president of the United States. Yeah. It seems like he had help. Of course. How the fuck did he get up onto that roof?
How did they not p have people on that roof? They said the slope was too steep. Yeah. But meanwhile there were snipers on another roof that had a a sharper angled roof. Oh yeah, yeah. And then he has no social media, he has no history, it's all kooky. Super Yeah. We can't ask questions, or else we're assholes. Well not only that, the the kooky people online now think that that was stage.
And that you know Trump had that guy shoot his ear. Like you don't know jack shit about guns if you think that that was staged. I will say the flag going up with the photo op was pretty was pretty uh perfect. But sometimes that's like Dennis the Manic. Shit just lines up perfectly. I guess so. You know what I mean? Sometimes weird stuff happens. Yeah. They're like, how is this so perfect? Right, right.
Yeah, we gotta get to the bottom of it, man. He got shot in the ear, man. I saw his fucking ear. He had like a little mark on his ear. I remember that. Get get Nick Shirley on this shit. He's cracking all kinds of cases. Bro, they the stuff that he just found in California is bonkers. If you see that guy in your town, you're fucked.
He's a a pr persistent little quef. Would you see what the governor posted, what Newsom's press office posted? They posted a photo of Nick Shirley, like a fake Nick Shirley, like a meme like Nick Shirley peeking into windows. Like hey. He's doing your job. He's uncovering fraud and what you're doing is mocking him. Right.
You should go, Oh shit, this fraud? Yeah. I'm the governor. They should just open up the investigations into all these places immediately if you cared, but all they want to do is just obfuscate, cover it up, make it look Philly. Yeah. Make it look like he's something, whatever he is. White supremacists. Right, right. MAGA. Come up with a name. I don't wanna get to it. My kids at a Somali daycare right now, so I don't wanna say anything crazy.
But yeah, that was that was all kooky. And look, I don't know what's real and what isn't anymore. You know, and you if you ask questions, you're this, you get labeled, I don't It's a wacky time and Yeah. It's uh a time where we've never had more information and no one's sh less sure about anything. Yes. And the same with lo we're more lonely than ever and we have more connectivity than ever. Aaron Powell Yeah, but it's the kind of connectivity that people have just
It's not that's why I'm off social media. It's just not good for you. It's not I No. I hop on to post things and I get the fuck out of But you seem to know us a ton of stuff. So I'm like, how are you off social media but also the knowledgeable? Google Newsfeed and then things that inform people. Uh I rely on people sending me things now, which is way better.
'Cause everybody's always sending you things that are f you've seen this shit? Holy fuck. I said you said yesterday about the YouTube deleted. I don't think they did. Oh really? Yeah, I think it's back. Or if it was deleted it was pulled back up. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Right. Or it might have been they thought about deleting it and someone said that's gonna make it work. Exactly, exactly.
But if it is true, I don't know if it all it all is true with the fraud and everything, but I'm like, can we stop it? Can we get the money back? Can we help people who are paying taxes who are not getting anything out of it and it's all going to some guy in a cyber truck? Like What when where's the redemption? Where's the uh comeuppins? So the Well this is the thing that Elon Musk told me about during the Doge stuff. He said the biggest fraud in this country is
Medicaid fraud. He's like and that if that gets he goes like I don't even want to talk about it'cause I don't want them to kill me. He literally said that. He's like we're talking about hundreds of billions of dollars. But don't we have the worst health care or whatever? Huh. But it doesn't matter. It's not about actual health care. It's about using the system to extract money pretending you have a daycare, pretending you have a hospice, pretending you have a this and a that and really you just
Lying about who's there and collecting checks from the government. Because if you have a bunch of clients, like there was one place in Minneapolis that was saying they were feeding like 5,000 people a day, they never saw more than 40 people. They investigated like this is just they're just taking money. Yeah. And they're getting millions and millions of dollars. It's crazy.
You gotta think if this thing has been going on for so long, they probably have a whole system, no one's ever investigated it, it's been happening for over a decade and they just like this is what we do and they they're all just cashing in. Yeah, but I don't know. Like my friend lives in Minneapolis. He's a an old pal and he's like, I've known Tim Walls my whole life. He was always the governor and he's a nice guy. But then you see this shit and you're like, so is he
Stupid or is he uh corrupt? Well you can know someone and think they're a nice guy because they're a nice guy to you. Mm-hmm. You know what I mean? Right. Like I know a lot of people and people say that guy's a piece of shit. I'm like Maybe. But to me, all I can judge is how he treats me and how he talks to me. But he's gonna talk different to me than he's gonna talk to people that don't matter. Right. To him. Yeah, and you only know of his online perception. Tim Wonk.
Seems weird. Like it just there's no humans that I know like that that wave like that, that walk around like this. It's just not normal behavior. Yeah. And he uh stopped his run for reelection because of this Minneapolis. So there's something to it. But you just want some acknowledgement. You just want them to go like Jeez, that is crazy. Holy shit. But instead it's like shut it down, don't listen to that guy. Exactly. I just just just stop making me feel crazy. You're not crazy.
I mean, maybe Nick Shirley ninety maybe a hundred percent of it isn't fraudulent that he uncovered, maybe some of it's legit, but there's definitely some fraud involved and it's enough that you realize like this is you're talking about enormous amounts of money. And how long has this been going? I and also Who's getting paid? Is anybody getting backdoor deals? Is there any offshore accounts that other people have access to? Exactly. And they're funneling money and no one knows about it and
Well let's paper trail this shit and get to something. We don't make any arrests like all the Epstein guys are out there. In in England and Norway they they popped a few guys. Well that was what the Doge stuff was all about. That was the the whole purpose. Yeah.
And they found fucking tons of it, hundreds of billions of dollars in fraud. And what happened to those guys? Those guys are getting you know, they're getting questioned now and and people are you know the guys, the doge guys are like having to give Uh like like you know, you shut down important government functions. Like actually
These fucking things then no nothing was getting done and these people were making enormous amounts of money. Mhm. It's like did you see that fucking bridge that they're building in California? I did the wild line the mountain lions. Yeah. It's over a hundred million dollars. I know. And they need more money. Yeah. For a fucking bridge. I know. Meanwhile, Colorado built built one, a similar one, for a fraction of the cost. No, I think it was five million. Yeah.
A fraction of the cost. Yeah. And and completed it. And it's done. And in California, like we need more money to save the fox. Well, there's so many regulations that you can't get there's so much red tape you can't get anywhere. It's a little bit of that, but they're blaming tariffs in the government. But shut up. Shut up. I doubt I doubt that's what it is. I doubt it's a hundred million dollars and you can't finish it because
Well we're still waiting on the bullet train. That started twenty five years ago. Billions. Billions. Still not done. Nothing. Meanwhile, Japan is whizzing all over the place at light speed. Have you ever seen oh I think it's in China. There's one that they debuted, they showed in China, and it's just whizzing by these people and you get to see how fast it is in real time or No. It's bonkers, dude. It's just
And you just think, the problem with that is how much track is there? There's a lot of track. Yeah. How many psychos are out there that could just lay something on the track? Well that's more American. They don't do that shit. They're raised better. Someone can do. They could, but they're ja Japanese. They're repressed. So they get it all out with those those trains.
Right? It's like Nick Shirley, he's a virgin. So he's uh he's motivated. Yeah, that's weird, right? Yeah, that's a little weird, but I'd rather uh an incel do that shit than uh, you know, shoot up a place. But there's a lot of these virgin influences. Yeah. Nick Fuentes is a virgin, allegedly. Yeah, we've got a lot of things. I don't trust that these virgins. That that's uh feels unnatural. Don't get laid. You're young. It's very unnormal.
Very, very strange. Very. It's like Zoran. I don't trust an Indian who never had a job. Is he Indian? Yeah. Mamdani? I believe he's Indian. Is he? Oh yeah. So what is he? I think he's from Africa, but he's he is Indian. Yeah, he's from Africa. But have you you never had a job? Every Indian guy I know is the hardest working dude on the planet. He's never had a job at all? No. I think he was a rapper. Mamdani's never had a job? No, I don't believe so. This is his first gig.
I know. It's Imagine your first gig, you're the mayor of New York City. On one hand, super impressive. Very impressive. First gig. Why'd he go? This guy's the sky's the limit for this guy. I know. His first job he was the mayor of New York City. Yeah, it's like losing your virginity to, you know, Heidi Klum. But I think he won because he said he's not going to Israel.
That was smart. And affordability. Yeah. New York's so expensive. Well also yeah, people are like we're tired of the rich well the n the narrative is the rich people are causing all your problems. And we need to tax the rich people. But meanwhile, the rich people in New York are responsible for more than fifty percent of the tax.
Sure. Well Hochel just said, please come back. Did you see that clip? Yeah, good luck. Yeah. Good luck. Good luck. And I think he he seems like a nice guy, I think he's got good intentions, but it just uh you know, you need some experience and you need money.'Cause he keeps saying free.
Free buses, free health care, free childcare, and you're like stop saying free. That should be illegal because someone has to pay for it. Right. There's nothing free. Nothing is free. You're just adding to the bureaucracy, you're adding to the government waste, you're adding to the possibility of fraud. Yeah. Yeah, and I think I have a theory that Muslim is cool. Muslim is like the new black. It's cool.
Muslims hip now. It's different, it's uh exotic, it's fun. But I think they the problem is people conflate Muslim and Islam. And there's two very different things. I know a lot of Muslims and they're great people. Totally. But Islamists are people that want a global callous. And they want you know and they want death to the infidels. This is the difference between Iran and like Saudi Arabia. Like Saudi Arabia are Muslims, the Iranians are Israel.
Right. State sponsored terrorism, the whole deal. Yeah, yeah. Well any extreme, you know, like a Hasidic Jew versus uh Paul Rudd. Yes. You know, Paul Rudd's a fun guy, has a cocktail, he's a funny movie, and then uh A Hasidic Jew is like the blood. Right. Or these crazy fucking right wing radical Christian nationalists that think that we're supposed to be over in Israel so that Jesus can come back.
on a white horse. Have you seen that? No, no. Oh, Jamie, pull that story up that I sent you or I could resend it to you if you want. There there's a crazy story that was on Yahoo about this guy who's a non commissioned officer that went to a military debris. So it was like a a a a a an operation readiness meeting or a war meeting and one of these fucking guys, one of these
Don't be worried because Trump is anointed by Jesus Christ to bring back the return. Oh no. To bring back Jesus' return on earth. Commander claimed Trump was anointed by Jesus to cause Armageddon to justify the Iran tax. Wow. See that's like up there where the Allah will protect me. Exactly. It's the same shit. It's the same shit. It's just coming from a different religion. Yeah. But it's the same mindset. Like look what he said. Um see what he said. This is all part of God's divine plan.
Specifically referenced numerous citations out of the Book of Revelations referring to Armageddon and the imminent return of Jesus Christ. And he said added the superior had a big grin on his face when he said all of this, which made his message seem even more crazy. Wow. Scary. That's just as scary. Those are just as scary as suicide bombers. It's like people that are like true believers in
Something that, you know, objectively sounds a lot like nonsense. I would say there's less blowing up shit. Yeah. With the extreme uh Christian guy. Sure, because they won. Go back to the Inquisition. When they were fucking torturing people. That's a good point. You know, people for you know, for God's word or for Oh yeah. You know, it's just people when they get into positions of radical belief, they just they go nutty. Yeah, it's like a cult. The cult is just a microcosm of a full religion.
You know, it's just some crazy guy who's like, I'm gonna fuck all of you and then we'll drink Kool-Aid. I used to do a joke about it where I said a cult is a thing where a guy creates it and that guy knows it's bullshit. In a religion, that guy's dead.
Yeah. Oh I see. The religion, the guy who created it is dead. Oh, right, right. So it's like everybody just believes. Yeah. But if in a cult, you know, like David Koresh or you know fill in the blank, the Moonies, whatever it is. Yeah, the cool some guy created it. And he knew it's bullshit. Yeah. Scientology. That guy is a science fictional.
Completely. L. Ron Hubbard. But now he's dead, so it's a religion. Uh and they have tax free exempt status. That's good. That they're exempt from taxes. Scientology. No. Yes. That's how they can afford all that real estate in LA. Crazy buildings. Yeah. Right in downtown. And that's the nuttiest thing about L. Ron Hubbard, it's like he's one of the worst authors of all time. Oh he stinks.
Terrible. And he's a weird looking dude. I think he beat his wife. Did he? Oh yeah. He was a troubled say that because he's dead. I watched a little documentary on him. He's a troubled individual. Well, he was definitely troubled, which is why he came up with dianetics in the first place. He was trying to self-diagnostic.
He was trying to fix his own brain. But it also shows how sad and sheep like people are'cause we're like, We need something. I need something to believe in, something to go for. I'll support you. Well everybody's so lost that anybody who comes along that confidently claims they have the answer, people just f
Very odd. Very odd. It's a it's like I think it's programmed into us just like from the time that we were in tribes and you know, we had to count on the chief to be correct. Right. You know what I mean? But I'm sure you got some some psychos who are up your ass.
Who believe everything I say? Yeah, because you're so big, you got such a big uh umbrella. Yeah, but I'm very clear that I don't know what I'm talking about. That's the key. And if I do, uh it's like very specific things. So I'm like I can tell you for sure that this is a fact.
Right. You know, because uh you know, I'm an expert in a few things. But other things I'm like, you know, don't listen to me. Yeah. But this is what I think. Well, you're one of the few guys who will go, Oh, you know what I said last week? I was wrong about that. You have to. Nobody does that. You gotta be well,'cause they're all they all just want to be right all the time. Yes. And they all they all connect their identity with being correct.
about whether it's COVID or like COVID ruined a lot of people's credibility. Because they were all in on the vaccine, all in on this, all in on the lockdowns, all in on the masks. And then Once it was revealed that all that stuff was bullshit, the vaccine didn't really prevent infection, didn't really and those people just never came out and said, You know what, I was wrong.
I know, and that would go so far. But nobody will do it. And and then the right and the left they both just want their side to win. So they're like just Exactly It's like when the ball goes out of bounds on your team, you're like, I didn't see shit. Exactly. And then the other team's like, What are you crazy? We got video footage. Yeah, yeah. Right, right. The game of discourse is you're supposed to say what you really think and then when you think something differently you say
I was wrong. Yes. You have to be able to say, I I was in misinformed. I thought it was this, but it's actually that. Yeah. That's why those videos are so fun when they go to a college campus like, Can you believe what this Trump said this? And they go, That's racist, he's a piece of shit and they go, Actually that was Biden. And then they go, Oh, well, what are you gonna do? I got class in a minute, I gotta go.
You don't vote for me, you ain't black. Yeah, he's got a couple N words too out there by the way. Does he? Oh yeah. Pull it up. Biden had a few. Well you remember when he he called uh African Americans supercraft.
Right. Whoa. Super predators. That was during the nineteen ninety four Crime Bill, which is he was really responsible for a lot of that. Mm-hmm. The ninety four crime bill, you know, people forget about that. Like during the uh um Clinton administration Like Clinton in a lot of Clinton was a great president in terms of what he did, balanced the budget, great
Got ahead in the office, but yeah. Let it go. Oral office. Let it go. Yeah. Let it go. But uh other than that, like he did a lot of things that were really good, but one of the things that he did that wasn't really good was the ninety four crime. So many people wind up going to jail for the rest of their lives. That's true. They ruined so many families, so many lives.
Yeah. People that could have turned their life around, never got a chance, locked up forever. Yeah, and deported a lot of people too. Oh yeah. Not as much as by Uh, excuse me, not as much as Obama. Well, yeah, he was the king of that. Not only did Obama deport more people than Trump, they arrested more Americans
accidentally than Trump. Yeah. The percentage of Americans arrested was higher and also the deaths were higher. Also he had two terms. True. So you gotta think about that. True, yeah. But nobody got shot in the street What do you mean? Like his ice didn't shoot anybody that I know of. No, they did. They did kill people. Yeah, they killed people. Civilians? Um, I don't know if it was civilians or if it was actual uh illegals that they were trying to deport.
I wanna say it was somewhere in the range of thirty. Thirty? Yeah. Well no social media back then either. Right. That's big. Big that changed everything. They could cover up everything. But wouldn't you like to talk to Obama and go, Ah, come on, that was crazy, right? Well Marin talked to Obama. He led Obama to. Well, But he is an icon and he was a good president and he seems like a cool guy.
Yes. But he also said he was gonna protect whistleblowers and he went back on all that. They even removed that part of the hope and change web. Whoa. The Hope and Chains his Hope and Chains website when he was running for president was all about removing whistleblowers. So what does it say?
No documented cases of ICE agents directly killing anyone. There you go. Such as through shootings or excessive force during Obama's presidency. However, fifty six individuals died in ICE custody over that period. Well he did the channel. Okay, so that's how they died. So it wasn't shootings. Primarily from medical issues, like they had lead poisoning from bullets.
Uh inadequate care or whoops he hung himself in a two foot cell. Ah. With reports highlighting substandard medical treatment contributing to at least eight cases between two thousand ten and two thousand twelve. Most custody deaths under Obama were attributed to natural causes, heart disease. Well you you definitely you're dealing with a lot of people that snuck in. Mm. Not suicides, hanging, or violence by agents. Uh huh.
Interesting. And what's up with that wife dick? Just a little levity, folks. I wish that was true. I know. It's just a good one. Just a goof. I think the French one. The the chef? No. Candice Owens when she was saying that uh Macron's wife is a man. Come on. Yeah. No way. Yeah.
I don't think so. I don't I might be wrong. I mean she's a little uh sounds odd. She's odd. She's a little transi. Yeah. But I You ever see the way she sits? Pull it up. I have not sits like a dude. No. What man spread? Yeah, man spread. Odd alignment of the hip. Seems very masculine. You know, that's why men sit like that. It's not because we're dicks. It's like your legs go out like that, whereas women's legs go inward. Sure. Because they have berthing hips and the angle is different.
Yeah. Whereas a woman has a clam, so she's there's no um resistance. Well that's why you don't trust guys who sit like R. With that leg over the top, that cross legged thing. Yeah, and ironically he's got a huge bag. He's got a big bag and a big cock. Crazy Jew Jewhog on that guy. Little baby arm. Yeah. Big old fucking sack. He's doing good. He's n he's doing good down there. Watch how she sits. Boom. Oh yeah. Yeah, wow. That's how a dude sits. That was a that was a manly sit. Even the wall.
Even the the stature, the skeletal frame, everything. Looks like John David. It looks like a guy with tits. Right? Boom. Look how it sits. But that's not the weirdest thing. The weirdest thing that everybody accepts the fact that they started their relationship when she was And he was like fourteen or fifteen. That's crazy. That's crazy. If that was reverse guy to girl, that would be a headline. Exactly. Big time. But it's French.
It's in France. They're sexual people. They they didn't fuck with me too. In France. They were like, no no, we like to be in men and women. Look that's a woman supposedly. Italy take her down. Take them all down. Italy's like we hit the ladies and we we hi we we catcall, that's our thing. Oh they're animals. Oh yeah. I was in Rome with my kids in a taxi. It was just me and my kids and this fucking driver of the taxi Stop the car in the middle of an intersection.
to catkail s cat call some lady. No way. Who had a big ass, who was walking across the sea. He says, look at that ass And he just kept driving. I was like, these people are animals. It's kinda charming with that voice though. It is, but you gotta realize like if you're in Rome, these are the descendants of the people that were there when the Colosseum was Sure. These are the people that were there when the fucking Roman games when Rome was conquering the world. Of course they're sat.
Right, right. Of course. They're the descendants of savage, direct descendants. of the b some of the most savage people that ever walked the face of the earth. Yeah, those gladiators and then they they got the Vatican right there, which is a weird fucking country that's in the middle of their city. I think that's good balance.
They got crazy shit with the orgies, the wine, and then the gay stuff, and then they got the Vatican. That's to me that's kinda healthy. Jesus gives you a free pass. You just gotta say you're sorry. Right. He's gotta confess. Best loophole of all time was that confession bullshit. I think they did that just to get information on people in in the town. Find out what they were doing. That's true.
God says it's okay, you still go to heaven. You gotta tell the priest. And the priest like immediately went and told the mayor. Oh. Yeah. A hundred percent. Never thought of it that way. Of course. How else would you get people to tell all the dirty shit that they're doing, all the crime they're committing?
Oh god. That's the way you get'em. I went to Catholic school. I told those fuckers everything. Did you? I was in the box going, I jerked off to my aunt, she's got huge tits. I I I really went off in there. It was like a podcast. I never got to sit in one. I went to Catholic school only for one year. Mm. But I was first grade. Did you make it out? Oh, I made it out and I was like I'm never going back again. It's it queered me off of religion for
That's a weird term to go with. This is not real. Of course. This lady I don't remember anybody's name from the time when I was sick. But Sister Mary Josephine, I'll remember that cunt till the day I died. Oh yeah. She was so mean and I was so confused because I had only been with my mom and my dad and my grandparents who were all nice to me. Yes. I had never been around anybody mean to me. Right. And then all of some around it
Vicious bitch. Yeah. Who's supposed to be like the person of God. Exactly. But they would wrap your knuckles. I think they were all repressed or something. Oh, a hundred percent. They needed some vitamin D. Yeah, get that dick. That's a crazy. And you know why they came up with that rule? No. Because all the priests were fucking everybody, because they were the rock star.
Whoa. They were the guy who talks to Jesus. He's the guy on stage. Yeah. The guy on stage. How many sommely law and he's just looking at. And then they decided, hey, you can't fuck if you want to be a priest. But then they went to kids.
Of course. That's what happens. You're only gonna get gay guys or pedophiles who are interested in that. Uhhuh. The gay guys fuck each other. The pedophiles try to get the kids. Right. Because you get isolated time with the kids. Right. Like teachers. Like how many teachers get caught? One of my kids' schools they just buy. Get the fuck out of here. Back in Calabasas. Whoa. Viewpoint. My kid went and took this guy's classes for I think two or three years. What?
Yep. He was taking upskirts photos, inappropriate photos, was jerking off to him, admitted that uh they m the f the photos made his heart race and seeing his kids. Full on pedophile was a part of this like very nice private school. Yeah. For I think he was there for six or seven years. Did you meet him? I must have. Oh my lord. You shook this guy's hand. I must have. He was my kid's teacher. I must have met him. I don't remember him. You got daughters.
Uh huh. Luckily nothing happened then, but they remember he talked too much. Oh, interesting. My daughter said he just kept he just wouldn't shut the fuck up. He talked too much. He's spitting game. But what what about these uh Florida whores who keep banging the students? There's something there's like an epidemic going on. I mean look, I'm not knocking it, but uh That's different. I think that p beats priest now. It's only okay.
Sure, but they they some of them are like, damn, I'd fuck her. Exactly. Those are okay. I don't know about okay. But if it's some big troll looking lady with no neck, her her chin starts at her or her neck goes straight down to her chest. Some job of the hut looking beast, you'd be like, You monster What'd you do to that boy? Yeah. But if it's some blonde lady with big tits and glassy eyes, like
She's probably on SSRIs. Didn't know what she was doing. Sure, and maybe like the husband can't get it up and this is a virile fourteen year old uh basketball player or something. How about that lady who was a mayor? She was a mayor at some town in like Louisiana and she was fucking some sixteen year old. That was crazy. And they show the husband all over the news. I'm like, This poor fucking guy, what a cup. Poor fucking guy. Man.
Fucking wife is getting banged by a high school basketball player. And she was pretty. She was not. Very pretty. Kinda Milfi. Kinda Milfi, for sure. But that's the thing. I have a bit about it. They never show the kid. I wanna see that kid. Yeah. What's he? Is he as some kind of young stud? Yeah, a lot of'em are. Okay. Sure. Rough course.
A die to high fiving? Yes. That's a great joke. Great joke. He was a great joke writer. Oh, he's a great comic. Great comic. Alive from the the um Purple Onion. Purple Onion, yes. Great. Special great special. He had that thing where you'd get fake angry and play the piano. He was he's a good dude too. Good guy. He's a really good dude. Like every time I've had interactions with him, I'm like, this is a so he's like not Hollywood at all. No, no. He's a South Carolina guy.
Bought a farm. Lives on a farm now. Yeah. I mean he bar barely worked. Yeah. He just like kind of lives his life. I mean he's kind of a phenom'cause his standup was good and then he just like
You know, Todd Phillips fought for him in the hangover. They're like, We don't know this fucking guy. He's a nobody. And he's like, I'm telling you, this guy's good and he he stole the movie. Stole the movie. Yeah. No, he's a great comic. And that between two ferns thing. Amazing. Amazing. Brilliant. No, he's great. Yeah, he just gets you on uh he got Seinfeld on, he's trashing him, he's trashing uh Paul Rudd, he's got like
All these uh it's great. He was a uh a great friend to Brody too. Yes. When Brody was going through one of his uh moments where he got off medication and he got a little crazy Yeah and we started noticing it at the store. Like instead of being funny, he was on stage, he would actually get angry. It was like really weird. Mm-hmm. And he came back. But for there was a while where he was like really lost it and Zach reached out and he's like, Don't interact with him. We're trying to get him.
I love it. Good dude. Good solid. There's a video on YouTube. Yeah, they're out there. Solid people are out there. He's a normal guy and you could tell these Holly I feel like Hollywood is like COVID where it fucks your brain up eventually. And he got out and moved to a farm. Yeah. So that's how you know he's sane. But there's people that are in Hollywood that stay solid.
Like when I had Matt Damon and Ben Affleck on, I was like, I'd be friends with these guys. Yeah, I listen to that one. They're normal off s off the mic, on the mic, they're cool. They're cool over there and they live in the lobby. Yeah, they're regular. They talk to everybody. Like I've met Matt Damon a few times. I actually ran into him in Italy. It was really crazy. In a restaurant where he was sitting below a photo of him.
Oh weird'cause there's photos of all these celebrities that come and eat at this place. Yeah. And he was one of'em and he was there and he was sitting there like and then I walk I had met him before, so I I go, Hey Matt I go he's like, Oh, what's up? I was like cr but he's cool. He's normal. He's like a regular guy. Well he hit the lottery with that script.
Yeah, and they're both like good looking, they're nice, they're cool, they're smart. Yes. Like when he was talking about AI and what AI is actually promising versus what they're actually capable of, what they're really trying to do is Increase their market cap and get more money invested. I'm like, oh clever. Clever. And I think he sold signed some deal with them for millions and like changed the game with Netflix. Big time. Big time. Yeah. Big deal.
Was that for the rip? No no no no no no no. He sold an AI company. Oh that's why he knows so much about it. Oh that makes sense. He kinda broke it down on here and then like two weeks later he sold it. That makes sense. He's ahead of the curve that guy. Yeah, both of those guys are good. And they've stayed friends forever. And Bangin' J Lo for th that many years has got a He gave it his best. She sucks. Oh, I bet she's so fun though. Yeah, but I think she's malignant narcissists.
Duh. But by the way, this only way you stay that hot when you're eighty years old. Smoke show. She's a smoke show. Yeah, that rump is uh She could completely be a granny. I know she looks fucking amazing. I wanna put a blue ribbon on that Heiney. You gotta be a narcissist to keep that up. I guess so. I mean the skin, her skin's perfect. Everything. How's her and it doesn't look crazy like filler nutty. It just looks like pure. Yeah. But she's just not aging. I know. No.
It maybe it's that. It's good genetics for sure, but it's also just upkeep and care and aware being aware of what you look like and taking care of yourself. Right. Like I saw um one of those Instagram things where they showed people from like the eighties how old they were. Like Archie Bunker. Archie Bunker when he was playing Archie Bunker when Ed O'Connell was playing Garden. He's ten years younger than me. Carroll O'Connor. Carol O'Connor. That's right.
He was ten years younger than me now. Whoa. Right? Oh I think they did a cocoon one with Paul Rudd and the Ed Ed Brimley. Yes. Same age. Forty eight. Forty eight. You know misses Robinson was thirty nine. What? Thirty nine in the graduate. And she's like the old bag. Crazy. Thirty nine. Now they got thirty nine year olds walking on Sixth Street who look like uh, you know, Cindy Crawford. Right. I gotta update my hot woman. Megan Fox. There you go. Stuck in the nineties.
Yeah. It's odd, man. Yeah. Oh, yeah. That's Mel Brooks's. Yeah that that's what thirty nine looked like. No. I think she's pretty sexy. Not bad. Look at that. Ooh, not bad. Especially for someone who never went to the gym. Like ladies, they didn't do nothing back then. They would they walk.
Well and the dudes too could be completely no definition and still be like a leading man. Right. The only one who was like really ripped back then was Charles Bronson. Well yeah. That motherfucker action star. Yeah, but he was I mean even before he was Fit. Fit. He like wiry. You know when he did hard times that movie? Yeah. He was fifty. No. Yes. Wow. Yeah. That's impressive. Shredded. Well all these uh T R T Leon Meeson's old and uh taken. The golden girls were all playing like ten years.
were wow nuts. That's nuts. Fifty-three. They were playing seventy-nine. She was sixty-two. She was Playing fifty-three, but she was sixty-three. Oh wow. Wow. That was a crazy thing. Playing fifty-three and she was fifty-two. That the one lady, that's crazy. B. Arthur, Rue McClanahan. Betty White. And is Betty White still alive? Nah, she kicked it. Well how old was she? I don't know, but Keith Rich Richards beat her.
He's like J Lo. He's the male J Lo. I saw the Stones at uh Circuit of the Americas a couple of years ago. Fucking incredible. Yeah. He's still shreds. I know. Both of them. Jagger's out there. Just dancing around. Yeah. Like Jagger's not like standing still. Like have you ever seen it was one of those old guys who was in Vegas? Like one of them guys from like the fucking sixties. Like a Wayne Newton type. Yeah, what is his name?
Frankie Valley. Bro, it's like all lip syncing and he can't move his lips anymore. Yeah, I believe it. And he looks like a statue. Mm-hmm. It's odd. That is odd. Yeah. Those guys have got it. Meanwhile, Mick Jagger's butting old dancing, moving around. I mean like and they did a ninety minute show cranking it. He's got peptides or something. Look at this guy. Oh, this guy's dead like that. Let me hear some of this.
This is like Mitch McConnell. I mean, he's just stiff. But he's like a board. Yeah. You got any volume on this bitch? Poor bastard. Oh. Well, hats off to still go out there. It probably has to. He's got debt. Have you seen Barry Manlow? No. Ooh. Rough? Weird. Go to Barry Manlow's Instagram. He sings, but he's got like filler and it looks like his chin's disappearing. And I don't know how old he is, but he's not that old. Like look at this. Oh, they start to look trans.
God, this is weird. It's like an animatronic. It's chucky cheese. That's what it's like. But that's not even a weird one. Go to his uh his Le the one on the far right, right there. Click on that one. Listen to him talk. He's like Kermit the Frog. Look at his hair. That's all. Is there any chance how much would you bet that that's a wig? Everything I own. It's all fake. Everything's fake. Everything. But the the face is like
Let yourself just age. Don't do the filler in the boat. So this is when he was younger. Yeah, he's a hand. So this is this looks good. This looks legit. It just when they start pumping stuff into their cheeks, it's just like look at you got stung by bees. It's just weird. Yeah, it's weird. It's a weird look. We all know. Just what do you do? It looks weirder. It's look it's worse. Just age. I know. We like age.
With women it gets really strange'cause there's a thing that bodybuilders get and anorexics get, body dysmorphia. Well, you can't see yourself the way other people see you. Right. So you don't realize that it's weird that you're cheating. Yeah. Is that what it is? Oh yeah. Well, you know when you're you're you're drawing something and you're painting and you're like, all right, it's done. I'll add a little more. I'll add a little more, and then before you know it you ruined it.
Well you get obsessed with the little minutia and you're just focusing on weird parts of the your face. Maybe you got a weird little smile line right here and you don't like it. You're like, fill it in. Like it swells up. You're like, good. Yeah. And they get used to it. We see'em after eight months and you're like, Good God. But they're just gradual.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. So they don't realize how clean. Didn't Ryan Gosling isn't aren't people accusing him of getting a bunch of stuff in his face now too? Like y there was some photos of him on a red carpet, it looked real weird. I get the hair implants. I get it. Do that all day, but as a dude, you can age. We're all right. Yeah, let it. Let it go. It's just you're changing the shape of your face.
there's a a ratio, the golden ratio of your face. Like when you do something weird to your face, it throws people off. Like your the width of your face and the All of it fits within a certain ratio. Yeah. And when that ratio's off, like when you have a really thin face but a small nose, everybody's like, Hey, yes. Where's that Ari nose? Right. That makes sense with this shape. We like a b I mean, look at Jennifer Gray. She cut her nose off.
Lost her career and she was a cute, you know, little Jew broad. Yeah, she had a big nose. Like, so what? She was beautiful. Beautiful. Be perfect. Perfect ain't the way to go. Look at Bill Murray. That guy looks like uh an old fart. Yeah. I mean, he looks crazy, but it's Bill Murray. He's a cool guy. I love Bill Murray. He's my childhood hero. I really enjoy talking to him.
Oh yeah, you had Bill on. He was a he was a good one. That must have been pretty nerve-wracking for you, huh? No. No, it was cool. He was real easy. It wasn't nerve wracking. It was a little like nuts when you first meet him, but he had no idea how it was.
Whoa. He doesn't watch podcasts. Yeah, he had heard of me. He's like, You're Joe? I'm like, Yeah, like it wasn't bullshitting like some Hollywood people do. I'm sorry, your name is. Right. He's not not online, doesn't have a phone. He said he had to get a phone to talk to his kids. Whoa. That's it. Oh man. No else doesn't have a phone? Woody. Woody Harrelson. Really? You gotta get a hold of him, you gotta go through his wife. Damn. Sucks with a wife though.
He's happy. He's like, Leave me out of everything. Yeah. Leave me out of it. He seems interesting. I remember that S N L he did where he just outed COVID shit. Yeah. That was interesting. Yeah. He's great. I saw him at Kill Tony once. He hangs out at the club all the time. Really? Yeah. He's in the green room all the time. But he like hangs out normal. Like talks to everybody, doesn't big time anybody.
Like he's talking to door guys, he's talking to fucking everybody. Normal. Damn. Yeah. He's cool. Cool dude. I mean White Man Can't Jump is one of my favorites. He's awesome. He's just he's real. Like that guy's a real I've hung out with him multiple times now. I really enjoy talking.
There's a few of those guys. They make it through and they're still cool. But one thing that a lot of them have in common is they stay out of like social media. They stay offline. They just live. They just live. Yeah, well uh also he's in the class. You mean He's a pothead. All day. He's like th those rappers they call it Living in the Cloud. I've never heard that. They're never not high. Like a little Wayne or something. Oh. All day constantly high. I don't know how they do that shit.
Like those people just wake and bake and then go out and do stuff and then they just keep smoking. I mean there's comics in the green room in New York who'll just smoke weed for like three hours and then go on then do another set and they hang out. I'm like, if I smoke weed for three hours, I'd be crying in a fetal position. It's a save. Yeah, I wouldn't be...
No. You'd be so locked in your own head thinking about the world. But I think people's mental chemistry is different. For some people I think weed is like a legitimate medicine. It keeps them together. Yeah. And they're not hurting anybody. No. Why is it okay to be on SSRIs and OxyContin, but it's not okay to just live in the cloud? That's a good point. They're medicating a in a little bit.
I mean that's what I was doing with alcohol as a teenager. I was so anxious and nervous and I wanted to fit in, I would just drink for like social lube. Most teenagers are doing that same reason. They want to be able to go to a party and relax. Yeah. And not feel like everybody hates them or
Isolated or weird or who's judging me? Just wee Yeah. Like my nephew, he's sixteen, never drank and he's a virgin, he's got no friends, he plays video games all day and he gives me shit for drinking. He's like it's uh so unhealthy, but I'm like, this is unhealthy.
You're just you got you you got no friends, you never fingered a girl, you you don't you don't go to parties, nothing. It's weird that there's a lot of kids doing that now. Eighty five percent alcohol sales are eighty five percent down with Gen Z. What eighty five percent And I started a liquor. Yeah. So I'm fucked. But uh but yeah, it's it's weird. I'm like, how do you cut loose? I think they're all scared of being cringe, they're all scared of being filmed. We were scared.
I think that's part of it. Somebody told me that kids don't dance at dances anymore because they're too scared of being go viral. You know, look at this white guy dancing like an idiot. Cringe hashtag I think that's part of it. So happy to catch people doing something ruin their whole life. That gotcha culture. It's horrible. It's horrible. And the type of people that want to do that, they should be shamed. Yes. Horrible behavior. Thousand percent agree.
That's that's where we're at. We d I mean people will scan videos just to be like, Gotcha. Well you said this, you said that. They go through your old tweets, whatever it is. But we need to flip it and make those guys get in trouble. Yeah. It's like when someone has a false rape accusation. How come they don't go? You almost made a person go to jail. Right. But it turns out that they didn't do anything and then you just skate. yeah that's
That's insane. They were gonna go to jail Forever. Forever. For nothing. For nothing. That's forever. For something you made up. And then you just skate because you're a woman. That's insane. Or you're a guy. Sure. There's guys that have fake rape accusations against other men. Right. It's not.
I know, it's just it's a bummer. But I guess it's human nature, it's powerful. I don't know. I know, but we should punish the people that make fake claims. I agree. That's crazy. They should have to do half the time of the sentence. Like think about the Amber Heard Johnny Depp thing. Yeah. Like he gets exonerated at the end of it. Everybody kind of sees her talk and they go, Oh, she made up a bunch of shit. He's he's okay. Right. But meanwhile, what happened to her? Nothing.
Well she was humiliated, but yeah, she lost the money, I guess. But when you falsely accuse someone of crime Beating her. Beating you? She got a makeup lady to put shit on her. He could have gone to jail for ten, fifteen, twenty five years.
That's psychopaths. Tried to ruin his life. Like that's what you know, Jordan Peterson talks about that, that women are they they're experts in reputation destruction. That's what they like to do. And that's what she was trying to do with him. Well they can't fight. So that's kinda their way, I guess. Poison. Yeah. They get it slow over time. I was reading about this lady who wrote a book about
How helping her children get over grief. Mm-hmm. And she sold this book'cause her husband died and then they just arrested her for poison. Oh my god! She killed all. Yeah, she killed him. It was in twenty twenty two. At least they got her. How'd they find out? But she was like crocodile tears, you know, so hard.
for me to lose my beloved Steve or whatever the fuck his name was. Well did you see the Rebel Wilson thing? No, what she did. Oh, J Mo. She Oh, that's right. And she accused Sasha Baron Cohen of uh telling her to grab to finger his asshole. What? When meanwhile what he really said it's on camera. Like she was supposed to grab his ass in a scene and he said, Y you know, you stuck your finger right up my arse, like take it easy. Uhhuh. And she said, He told me to finger his asshole.
along those lines. Whoa. Yeah. Why would he say that? Well, he is Sasha Baron Collins. Sure, sure. So what did she accuse someone of? She accused a guy of being a sex trafficker, I believe, with children, and they caught her on a hot mic or somebody on a hot mic saying their their plan. They like spelled it out. What? And so she's uh in hot water. Well she should be going to jail. Sure. Like that you can ruin someone's entire life. Rebel Wilson versus the Deb. What's the Deb?
Four lawsuits explode as leaked audio alleges smear campaign against producer. Well she was another lady that used to be really big and then she got kinda hot. She slimmed slimmed down a little bit. So what did they actually catch her? Um it says the producers So it says Page six reported that the dispute intensified after Leak Audio raised questions about an alleged smear effort linked to a crisis PR team working on her behalf. Wilson used social media to accuse billionaire.
Sir Len Blav Blavatnik of funding both the film and the legal actions against her. It dates back to twenty twenty four. Wilson accused the film's producer, including songwriter Amanda Ghost of inappropriate behavior towards the lead, played by Charlotte McGinnis. She also accused them of embezzling funds from the film's budget.
engaging in retaliatory behavior after she raised concerns and trying to block the film's premiere at the Toronto Film Festival. Yikes. Per producers later filed a defamation suit against Wilson in Los Angeles. Wilson then filed a counter suit that expanded on her sexual harassment and embezzlement ab uh allegations. Um McL McInnes
McInnes? Is it McInnes? Yeah. McKin McInnes uh publicly denied Wilson's claim that Ghost had sexually harassed her and then filed her own defamation suit against Wilson in Australia. Wow. So the lady she was saying was being sexually harassed, filed a defamation suit against her Um another twist. This is when it gets good. Mm. Hollywood Reporter published leaked audio that allegedly captures members of Wilson's team discussing fake websites that would paint ghost as a sex trafficking madam. Wow.
In the recording one person can be heard saying, We can't just do that like, oh, she's a bitch, she sucks. It's like it's gotta be really, really heavy and connected to something that heavy. Go to jail. Yeah. If canceling works, you can use it you can weaponize.
She addressed the com Wilson addressed the controversy in a series of Instagram stories. She says, I was going to wait to take the stand But the absolute bombardment on me as a person via heavily paid Crisis PR firms recently has taken its toll and it's impossible to say nothing, she wrote. She also said everyone who knows me knows I a true rebel. Oh, she's a rebel'cause her name's Rebel. I say it how it is. Oh wow. She another post added, uh I am pretty strong in all caps.
And when push comes to shove, I'm going to get on the stand and tell it like it is. Holy fuck, these people are fucking crazy. Scary stuff. There's so many of these people that are just not just narcissists but sociopaths at the same time. Right, right. Narcissists and sociopath and then recently hot. So it's like new powers. Exactly, new powers. New hot powers. You know who I'm loving though is this doja cat.
What about her? So she's some pop star who I don't even know. I'm an old boomer cleaf, but she went after Timothy Chalamet when he made fun of ballet. Did you see that whole thing? Oh, and then she said she was just virtue signaling. Yes. Which I I commend her. I'm like she apologized. She goes, I was just trying to get clicks, I'm sorry. That's hilarious. That's great. That she w she backtracked that I l uh she came clean. I love that. It is funny that she just admitted it. She's probably high.
Just by high, like what am I doing? Either way I'm on board. I we need more of that. We need more people going Ah fuck I was I was high and I was you know, Louis CK said this about like social media stuff. He goes, It's just talk. But the problem is it's written down. Like people say things all the time that aren't right. They shouldn't have said it.
But when it's written down it's like oh it's documented. Yeah. You know, and then everyone can read it forever. He goes, But it's just talk. It's just talk that you could read. That's true. It is true. And it's in stone forever. Forever. On the internet. And people are never gonna forget it. You could say something retarded at a party when you were drunk and then call your buddy the next morning, bro, I don't know what the fuck I was saying. I'm sorry.
But if it's written on Twitter, they'll never let you forget it. Again, why kids can't fuck around. They can't cut loose'cause they'll get written about. Of c I feel bad for'em. They can't enjoy youth. Youth is when you do stupid shit. And when kids do get shamed, like it will like if something happens to you in high school it's traumatized. It's traumatized.
And you can go back to high school. I remember going back to high school, like years later, like driving by and I would get nervous. Yes. Yeah, the paint Yeah. The same feeling that you got when you were going to school there. Totally. And I didn't have a horrible high school. No, me neither. But it's still still imagine if I did. Imagine if something terrible went down in high school. Uh huh. And I was there. Like, oh
Well you see these poor girls who get bullied for being fat, then they become anorexic or whatever. It it it goes all kinds of different ways. Guys who got beat up. I got I got bullied pretty bad in in school.
Yeah. And that can fuck with your confidence forever. Of course. There's some guys that get bullied in high school and they just never recover. Yeah. Now you can do that on social media in two seconds and some kid'll kill himself. Yeah. Happens all the time. And then there's like pylons that people do. When comics do pylons, I'm like, Good Lord. I said I have like a mental list of people that do pylons that I'm like, I'll never
I never I don't want to ever talk to you. Right. If I ever see you, I'm like you're just you're waiting to turn It's strange. Yeah. Yeah. We're trying to be comedians. It's like a crazy uh job to go for. Well one thing that they all have in common is they're all Like it's all comics that are failing. I guess so. Yeah, and then they're seeing all these other people that are taking off and doing really well. Like when Shane, when they piled on Shane. Yeah. It was because Shane's talent.
And th they were really kinda scared of him. Right. And now they're now They can't say nothing. And then we all remember like hey, you're the cunt that piled on. Yeah. Fuck you. You got mad at a comic for saying something inappropriate? That's what we do. Not only that, it was completely out of context.
Pretending to be a person who'd never been in Chinatown before, who was a racist. Exactly. That was his quote. But they could get him because he had a big gig. Exactly. So now we can take that away. And that's kind of the root of it. It's loser.
You know, it's not like Chris Rock's not trying to take people's gigs away. You know what I mean? Yeah, of course. It's only losers. It's only people that don't have anything going on. Well Shane's got a he's got a he's like uh fucking Buscemi and Billy Madison. He's putting that lipstick on and he's he's got a list.
Good. Yeah. Good. He knows everybody. Yeah, good. Fuck those people. You don't have to do anything to them, but just know them. Know them for what they really are and never fuck with them again. Yeah, avoid'em. Just keep writing jokes, keep killing and live your life. Keep killing.
You don't need those fuckers. And there's always gonna be people like that in every business, in every industry. There's always people that aren't doing so well, that haven't got their life figured out. They want to attack the people that do. Yeah. Bro, why do we have beer? I brought a few in if you wanted one. Lone Star. I don't like that Bud Light shit. No offense, uh Mulaney. I don't mind it, but I'll prefer a Lone Star. Same cheers. Hey hey, we're now we're we're mixing liquors here.
Ah, hallelujah. Doja cat, that was Cunts. A lot of cunts in the world. Yeah. But there's a lot of great people. I think cunts are important'cause they make you appreciate nice people. Right. You know? I I just know any cunts, I might maybe I wouldn't like you. Right, but I I I see the cunts and I wanna hug'em. I wanna go, come on, what are we doing? I do too, but it doesn't always happen. You know, I uh I've made up with Marin.
I heard. Yeah. Good on you. Well the funny thing is you never really started anything. It was all him. But it's that thing. It's like he wasn't doing And he's also separate from us. He's doing great. He's in movies. I know, but it's like he's not doing as well. I get it. It's all comparative.
Oh, it's so sad. Comparison is the thief of joy. I I agree, but you know you're he's a the Joker, he's talking to Obama, he's like he's killing it. He should be killing it. But it's like people compare themselves to other people. It's very h it's very toxic, it's very bad. It is. It is but it's That's it. Figure out what you s fucked up yesterday. Do better. Compare yourself to your friends and get inspiration from them.
Now were you ever jealous of a guy and you go, Guy I wouldn't mind taking that guy down or that gal down? No, no, I never thought instinct either. But then I realized that's a bitch feeling. Mm. You know, and they're like, don't like you should be inspired. And nothing comes from it. Nothing. But it's also I came from a martial arts background where you have to have
people better than you or as good as you around or you won't get better. Like if you're like in competition, so if you're competing against like elite people all over the country like I was doing when I was in high school and afterwards if you don't have people in the gym that are better than you, you're gonna get fucked up. Like you need to be around the best people in the world. Like I had national champions in my gym. Right. And because of that
I had to rise to a very high level. So y they were very valuable to me. Sure. So instead of like being jealous, like why is he the champ and I'm not the ch instead of that you're like I see what this guy's doing. I see what he's going through. I want to mirror his behavior. I want to be inspired by him. Step it up. And you can do that with comedy too, with everything else. But I will say martial arts is a more objective. That guy pinned you.
That guy knocked you out. Right. This is this comedy thing is subjective and uh people go, I'm funnier than that guy. And I'm like, I've never seen you kill. Right. So That's true. That's true. That makes it harder. That's why we love sports. Right.
There's an ending. Oh, they th you got more points. The basket goes in the net, that's it. Or the ball goes in the basket, that's it. Yeah, yeah. But that's the problem. We're so tribal now that like people vote the right way or they they tweet the right thing, but they're still mean as shit. Like uh as Ari would say, good politics, bad people J I'd rather you I'd rather you uh tweet some horrible slur but be a nice guy.
Our priorities are out of whack in society. I I think we're we're rewarding the wrong things. Well, we're really confused because social media is not real. Right. And it's not real human interaction. It's not normal. You're not supposed to be able to just write something and the people that respond just write something back. It's supposed to be dialogue. Yeah. People are supposed to communicate the way we're doing
That's that's how normal people talk. That way when someone says something nutty, instead of letting them go on for paragraph after paragraph. You go, Well no no that's not true. I never said that. Yes. I never said that. No you're miss you're miss Th you're taking something that was sarcastic.
Were. Yeah, and they kind of want it to be real, which is strange. You know, they go, we hate racism. I heard this thing where they're like, Bill Burr's a racist, and somebody tweeted his wife's black, and they were like, Well, some Sometimes you will marry black women to dominate them and you're like, Give it up, man. And then his wife knows. Well his wife tweeted after, Shut the fuck up, bitch. Good for her. And you're like, There you go. Yeah, good for her. Right.
So do you feel good? I mean it must be a a loadoff with the Marin makeup. Yeah, it was nice. I d I never hated that. It was a and w it was a nice conversation. It was good. And we're gonna get together when he's in town. I'm like, come come to the club. It's not what It's like there's all walks of life there. There's a ton of lesbians and gay people and Half it's like the most diverse fucking place on earth, but they're all talented. Right. It's only diverse.
By accident. Yeah. It's diverse just because the the talented people all happen to be diverse. Yeah. It's like UFC. Yeah. It's like a Russian guy, a fucking Muslim guy, China white guy, Korean guy. But that's what it's supposed to be. It's supposed to be diversity is supposed to occur naturally if you just let the best people excel. Right. Especially in something like comedy because there's no barrier to entry. It's an open mic night.
All you have to do is write on a pad, come up with some ideas. Right. You don't have to have a lot of money to do it. Everybody there that starts out as broke. Well, did you see those Oscars regulations? Race. I mean I I grew up watching it, I love movies and but like the Godfather, all these movies would never have been made or won. Never, never. There's a ton of movies that you could never make. You never make break. Yeah. Right. Or apocalypto. Or what about all brown people.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Boys in the hood. There's there's no Asian guy in there. And it's a great movie. It's insane that you would have diversity quotas when you're talking about art because you're gonna have a what if you're doing a film about Scotland in the fourteen hundreds?
Exactly. They don't they weren't there. But now you gotta write one in like, Oh, this Asian guy is the best doctor in Scotland and you're like, Wait, what? Yeah. It's the fourteen hundreds. Right. If you're gonna write a a you know, a thing about feudal Japan. It's gonna be all Japanese people. Squid Games. That's about you right, Squid Games. It's that's okay. Yeah. That's okay. I love that show. Yeah.
But just like Sinners is okay. Have a movie with all black people. Like it doesn't matter. Right. Just make movies and if people like it, they like it. But this idea of having a diversity quota where you have to think about that, because I've talked to friends that have pitched shows and when they pitch the show, like Bert was telling me They he was pitching a show and they were like, Where's the diversity? Mm.
And he's just like sitting there like, I don't know what to tell you. It's a movie about Russians in Russia. Like, what are you fucking saying to me? Where's the diversity? What does that even fucking mean? I know. It's It doesn't have to be diverse. It just has to be good.
And then if you have enough good things, you're gonna have diversity across all these different films. Yes. Because there's gonna be films about black ballerinas, there's gonna be films about, you know, uh b people uh, you know
running in the Olympics in nineteen thirty six in in Germany. Yes. You g you're gonna have films that cover all the bases. I know. And let it just happen. Let it happen. Let the movie be good. Just let people create what they want to create and then I think judging art is crazy. Well, I think awards for art are crazy. It's all political too. It's just nonsense. Exactly. Scorsese wins for the departed. Like when they were doing the Golden Glows for Podcast.
Get get outta here with that. Right. I didn't even submit. I heard. I'm like, get out of here. I'm not I'm not gonna be a part of your bullshit. Like you just decide who's the best and who and who's deciding? Like fuck off. Exactly. Awards for art are just nuts. It doesn't work. And then we all go, how'd they win? Is that is that'cause of this or is it is he actually really good? You know, and now you're questioning it and you can't even get into it.
Well do you remember Siskel and Ebert? Yes. Well they were the guys. I love Siskel and Ebert. Yeah, I loved them too until I saw the outtakes and I realized they were both cunts. I know but that was fun. Going after each other. They hated each other. Those uh YouTube outtakes are amazing. Amazing. They fucking hated each other. Oh yeah.
But that was a fun show. Two thumbs up though. It was uh it was lighter. Yes. It wasn't like this sh movie was uh racist. Right, right. It's like good or bad. Right. They just j judged it based on what they felt watching the movie and then they had they had educated taste. Oh yeah. But that's where a fo that's where that's where the Not awards for art, but recommendations for art by people that you appreciate. Yes. I just picture the Academy going
Damn, that's a good movie. But you know, uh it's not a trans guy in a wheelchair. And this one does that. They used to do it with retard. That was a big thing with Oscars. It was like, Oh, this guy's playing a f a Tard, we gotta give it to him. Exactly. And now it's more
skin color based or then it got to Tropic Thunder where they had never never go full retard. Yeah, yeah, exactly. They kill that genre. Yeah. You never see people playing handicapped people in a film anymore. But that movie's great because it shows Robert Downey is in full black everything. Yes. And everybody's like, he nailed it. I asked him about that. I said, Do you think you could do that movie today? He goes
Well you could do it. It'd be a fucking problem. Yeah. He was the last guy to do blackface and not get canceled. Yeah, and he fucking killed it. Killed it. It was amazing. That movie was fucking amazing. Amazing. It's the last completely politically incorrect movie, and it is hilarious. I know. It's so good. You know who kills in that movie? Tom Cruise.
Killed it as the flea agent. They're dancing. That guy's so good. He's good. He's so good in s I was just talking the other day about that movie Collateral with Jamie Foxx replaying Batman. Great movie. That movie s I just watched it like a couple of months ago. I was like This movie's so fucking good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's so convincing.
So scary. He's a complete psychopathic killer. Yeah, and there's not much going on, but it they those two together, the chemistry was amazing. Well when things happen, they're so crazy. Yes. Like that scene in the alleyway where he shoots those two guys who are trying to rob him. Great. Fuck yeah. Yeah and and hats off to Jamie Foxx. I mean he's so good in that movie. He plays like a nerd kind of a nerdy scared guy and then he can play Ray. Yes. Yeah, you had them all.
He's great. He's a talent. He's a super talented guy. And a really nice guy. Oh, yeah. Like I've met him off like I've met him at a gas station once. He was taking his daughter uh uh home from a martial arts class. Wow and we were just pumping gas next to each other, and some guy pulls up in one of those Have you ever seen those Resvani trucks? Do you know what that is? No. It's a crazy, like futuristic looking bulletproof car.
It's like a Resvani tank. God, pull it up. Oh, it's cool looking. Is it electric? No. No, this is a long time ago, before electric cars. This is probably two thousand Well, there was t some Teslas, the real small ones, that were based on the Lotus Pi. But this is like two thousand four. That thing. Whoa. He pulled up and he pulled up in that. That's Jamie Foxx's car. That's like a Batmobile kind of thing. Exactly. So he pulled up.
next to me and I was like, who's driving that fucking thing? And Jamie Foxx got, What's up, Joe? I'm like, oh, what's up, Jamie? What do you do? But he's cool. He's like a normal dude. Yeah, and he did it all. He did stand up, he did it living color. He had his own sitcom Ultra movies. can sing. Oh yeah. He can act. And he can act in comedy. He can act in drama. He can play a nerd. He can play a killer. He can play anything. I just re watched Ray. It's incredible.
It's amazing. Oh yeah. He kills that role. How good is he singing it? That's him singing. Yeah, I didn't realize Ray was such a junkie. Big heroin guy. That's why he that's why he was all moving like that. Shit. He was all wonked out on the on the H. You know people say Steve Urey wanted consent. Or Stevie Wonder rather could sing. Can see. I've heard that. He catches the money. The microphone falls and he catches it. So that's a big conspiracy theory, but uh
Looking back, that's like the such a gentle light conspiracy compared to what we the fuck we got going on today. I know, right. Yeah, that that Elvis is real. Like we used to have a fun, kind of playful constructs. Yeah, yeah. And then now it's all out of whack. Macron's got a dick. Exactly. I've heard Erica Kirk's got a dick. I've heard that one. Whoa, she seems thrilled. Right now.
She's a kook for sure. You ever seen the compilation of her making crazy eyes? No. There's a video of her making demon eyes and every time she makes the eyes the music It's so She's possessed. Well she just gets intense. She's like the guy what what's the gang gang guy? What's that guy? Uh oh my god, look at that. She looks like a television. Give me some some volume. She's talking to Barry Weiss. There you go. Watch this. Pay attention to her.
believed were controversial or even hateful, that he somehow had it coming. What do you say to people who justified you're sick? He's a human being. Exactly when Barry is saying, they basically said that because Charlie said or bel right the Vincent D'Anafrio. That's not the one that I wanted to hear. Okay. But yeah, she seems uh she's having a good time. Well, she was on a reality show, you know.
So she's a star fucker. A little bit. Maybe. She was also in some weird CIA documents or CIA films. Is that right? Like yeah, you never seen those films? No, no. See if you can find those films. There's some weird like internal films that they made that she was a part of. She looks like uh if a pageant lady a pageant girl was grown up. A hundred percent. There, look at that.
Yeah, well I mean she essentially was a pageant lady. Oh really? Right. Wasn't she in like Miss USA or one of those things? I don't know, maybe. Wasn't she, Jim? Well there's a thing that people want, right? That attention fame thing. Yeah. That is what they really want. Okay, so Jamie. She's got fireworks behind her. She's she's wild. Erica Kirk CIA video releases serious questions. That's the one I just played. Yeah.
Oh but there the the full video's out there. I watched it and it's very weird. So see if you play it. It's about EMP attacks and power grids. Well a gig's a gig. I think if you're a struggling actor, you'd take any kinda employee video or whatever. I guarantee you that video's out there. I mean no one could have pulled it. Well, there's a the Jimmy Dore video there. Here it is. Here it is. Look at this.
Presented to congressional officials. One being cyber, two being hackers, three being physical threats, fourth one is solar EMP, and the fifth one is man-made. EMP. So the concern that we have is that we put out this critical information and when we go over this risk analysis, they hear what we're saying, but but they don't want to take action. Take action. Well there are 18 critical infrastructures. Very weird. She's doing a CIA informational video.
Perhaps or you know but even so you're doing an acting gig for the CIA. Who calls you for that? Yeah. Do you ever get one of those calls? No. No, I never got one of those calls. And my agent never hit me with that one. Well there's a lot of people that think that she was his
She is Charlie Kirk's handler. But of course, there's a lot of people think I have antlers. Yeah. You know. Well you got about nine Navy SEALs out there. They're not hand they're my friends. They're not handlers. I know those guys. Okay. We're tough dudes. They they they know some stuff. There's a lot of kooks out there, bro. That's true. I mean you just had a shooter on Sixth Street. Yeah. Finally a guy in Austin kills. Blah. Only with three people though.
Yeah, it's all silly. What are we doing? Settle down. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just more comedy the better. Keep putting it in every city. I know, right? Yeah. Give me more good clubs. How is New York these days? New York's good. I mean we're humming. We got all these clubs opening up still and more opening. Yeah. More opening. Yeah. It's crazy. And uh comedy's hot, as you know. Comedy has been The more fucked up the world is the more hot.
That's probably true, yeah. Yeah. But it's it's legitimized now, you know. Everybody takes it seriously. Before you were kind of a clown. Now they're like, Oh, let's go see some comedy and listen to them talk about Iran. Well I think one of the things that helped is podcasts'cause people hear comics talk about it and they realize like, Oh, this are these are thinking people that are going through this like very bizarre art form that doesn't have a playbook. Yeah.
Right. And we could we have no rules. Right. Where now Oscars have all these rules. We will never have rules. And if we do, the whole art form's fucked. Well, they've tried to put rules in in certain clubs and those clubs always fall apart. That's true. Well it's so f fucking gay'cause they're all like we love Richard Pryor. I'm like if he was around today you'd hate him. Right. He hit his wife, he was a drug addict, you know. Right. He was a psycho.
Kinnison. One of the fucking greatest comics that's ever lived, uh completely out of his mind. And also the best example of someone who did not punch up. Yeah. He punched down all the time. He punched down about starving people in Africa. Yeah. I love p why what did we decide punching down was not funny? It's hilarious. I had a guy on once that was a professor that taught comedy, and he wrote a book on comedy. And he tried to tell me that punching down is never funny. I go that
is wrong. That doesn't make sense. You're n you're wrong. I go because Sam Kinison, one of the greatest bits of all time, was him doing a bit about the starving people in Africa. Right. Yeah. It's a a legendary bit. David Tell has eighteen minutes on midget. Yeah. That's literally punching down. Like it too little. But it's funny. If it's funny, it's funny. If it's funny, it's funny. And sometimes it's funny'cause it's wrong. Yes. Sometimes it's funny it's like oh my god
Exactly. I know. Or Holtzman. Holtzman, hilarious. Perfect example. People try to take Holtzman literally. I've seen comics complain about the mothership because they let a guy come up and say these things like what guy? Brian Holtzman? Right. Like talk to Brian Holtzman offstage. It's Jekyll and Haw.
Completely. Nicest guy in the world. Sweetheart of a guy. Yeah. Friendly every loves everybody, super kind. He's like a camp counselor. He's wearing a polo and slacks. The nicest fella. Yeah. On stage, he becomes this character that he's created over the years. Amazing. But we do the hierarchy thing, and by that logic, I should be able to d make fun of Asians because they're doing the best.
They are doing the best. Asians are number one, then honky, and then who knows? But so by that logic, I should be able to do a ching chong, whatever. Right. Cause you know, by your logic, hey, I'm punching up. Right. They're killing it. They are, especially academically. I mean they they're they're killing it so hard that they've made rules to try to eliminate Asian people from college. Yes, there's fucking lawsuits about it. They made it more difficult. They have to get higher scores.
That's crazy. It's not because they kill it. But what a crazy con Hey, you look like that guy. We got too many of you guys who look like this. You're trying too hard. It's like a union job. Hey, slow down. Right, right. You're fucking it up for the rest of the day.
Yeah but yeah let'em keep killing it. Let them be smart and vet shit and run the country. I don't care. Exactly. Make make it so that you know there's a legitimate competition where the other people realize, okay, we're not working as hard, they're working harder, we gotta catch it. Yeah. You can't just slow them down.
And remove them. There's too many Asians in Harvard. Fuck you. Yes. That's why Japan, you can leave a Rolex on a bench. Yeah. Because they're they're they're better in a lot of ways. Let'em be better. Mm-hmm. We don't have all have to be the same. You know, that's the same thing about Dubai. A buddy of mine uh moved to Dubai and he said. He goes,
And he goes, and if you could just leave a diamond, like a diamond ring on the ground, somebody will pick it up and turn it into the police. Damn. How do they do that? Is that cultural? Is that b raised better? What is that? Law. Hardcore laws. They have monarchies. They have kings. They have a king over there. And like you you can't fuck around. There's no fucking around. You fuck around, they will lock you up, and that's it. And there's no ifs, ands, or buts.
There's no social justice warriors. Right. There's no people that are gonna give you no cash bail and let you out because, you know, oh my god, the the system's racist. No, no, no, no. You commit a crime, you go to fucking jail. So nobody goes to jail because nobody cr commits crime. Damn, is that what it is? Yes. Huh? But that's it.
Uh American lady went over there and she got in arguments with people at the airport and like, You're going to jail. Wow. She was yelling at people. She was trying to do the thing to do at Spirit Airlines in America. Like uh uh Well the fist fights on airplanes has gone up from if you go nineteen sixty to two thousand twenty five, it's gotta be up eight thousand percent. What happened? I don't know. What happened Why we why we lose our fucking marbles?
Flights got cheaper and it you get bus people on a flight. You know what I mean? Right, bus people are the people who are cutting people's heads off on a fucking cr interstate truck. Yeah. Yeah. I assume that's what it is. Because you know, back in the day they wore a suit and they had a cocktail and they smoked. Yeah. But taking a flight back then was uh was a big e big deal. You ever travel by bus?
Oh yeah. I did a few uh I did a few bus gigs back in the day because my car broke down and I didn't have any money. It's and so I had to travel by bus. It hurt. The people you have to hang out with is it's like the dregs of society. Greyhound. It really you know where else you see that is uh I still do the uh free breakfast at the Holiday Inn. Oh, the characters you see in there. It's like a family, then it's a guy with a neck tattoo, an ex con, a a tweaky meth guy, and then me.
I was watching a video about how people that don't stay in that hotel sneak into these hotels. I used to do that. Did you? Yeah. You go get the free breakfast. They're not gonna stop ya. They assume you're staying there. Yeah. Well Yeah, you can make a waffle. Yeah, but staying in a shitty hotel teaches you a lot of people. That's what road gigs are really good for. You you meet the people that are working the fucking counter. Right.
Yeah, yeah. The crazy ones are those like what do they call when you like you can kinda live there. They have a kitchenette. Oh yeah. You know the extended stage? Yeah, there's like dogs everywhere and and it's people making making crack on the stove and shit. You know who's in a hotel now? Mickey Rourke. Really? Yeah, he's in a hotel in Hollywood now. He got eviction. What Yeah. It's a sad story. Oh, he was a hot guy and and a great actor. Oh he was great. Rumblefish. Oh my god, dude. So many
Angel Hart? Wrestler? Yes. Oh my God. So good. He was incredible. Well wrestler was when he was making a comeback. Right. So he made a comeback for a little bit. He was an Iron Man, remember? Mm-hmm. He was great. But you know, I don't know, man. I think he got a lot of work done. He did, but he made it after he got a lot of work done. He still the comeback, the wrestler and everything was after the work. Yeah. You know, but but the thing was like he did a lot
Oh remember like he didn't like the fact that he was like a big actor. He wanted to be more of like a real person and a man. So he started having fights. So he's having like legitimate boxing matches. Allegedly legitimate. Some some. Sure. But when you think about that, if he's sparring, so he was sparring like James Tony and like real people, he'd probably get in the fucking brains beat.
And he probably went a little squirrely. Yeah, CT is no joke. It's no joke, dude. Oh, yeah. Oh, a lot of these MMA fans. They're struggling. Yeah, who who are these ladies who are like, Oh, I'll date this guy. Dangerous, that's why. Dangerous, they'll fucking hang ya. You know? I think he hung himself actually. Who hung himself? Aaron Hernandez. Oh, in jail, right? But he had killed a bunch of people already. Yeah. Like he was killing people while he was in the NFL.
Pfft Yeah, he was a wild motherfucker. But then they said when they checked his CTE after he was dead, like he had like some of the worst CT they've ever seen. Really? Yeah. His brain was gone. Well there you go. A friend of mine who has CTE was explaining. And the way um uh the doctor was explaining to him, like most people have uh several steps to go to before they lose control of their
Like you have an initial thought and then your brain comes in and goes, Don't do that. Yeah. And then there's another one, it m ramps up a little bit. This is getting serious, but let's not get out of hand. Someone with CTE, first initial thought, right into DEF CON five. Whoa. They just immediately go. No buffer. No buffer.
No no impulse control. Cocaine, women, whiskey. Right. What it is. Like the mo especially with booze, you add booze, loss of inhibition, no impulse control. Shoot out with the cop. You know, it's like right right to the worst case scenario. Remember that Bill Burr bit? He's like I'm driving down the street, I see a bunch of people on the sidewalk, just quarter inch turn to the right, I'll just mow'em all down. Yeah. You have that thought, but then you don't do it.
Yeah, you go up on on the top of a bu a building and you're like, Ah, I could jump. Yeah. You have that for a second, then you you pull back. have it. I guess so especially well brain damage is basically like think about like if you have a fucked up phone. Like I I dropped my phone once and uh I was in Hawaii and uh it just started calling
Really? I was showing my wife, like, look at this. This is crazy. Like you hang up, calls another person. Hang up, calls a it was just broken. Whoa. So that's your brain. Right. Right? All the wires are all fucked up and you got holes in there or C T E and
Wow. Chronic traumatic and cephalopathy and you know, your hormones were all fucked up, your cortisol's all fucked up. You gotta put their head in rice. And you just like all of a sudden you're just running through red lights. You don't even know why you're doing it. Yeah. Woo. Probably kinda fun in the middle of it. You're probably like, am I in control of my own destiny? I'm not. Oof man. Yeah, we're lucky we're saying I mean you you've taken a lot of blows. Yeah. Mentally and physically.
Oh I'm not worried about things. That's good. I don't concern myself about things that I think would cripple a lot of people. Right. Interesting. I think it makes me a little more fearless. Yeah, it's like autism. If you have a just the right amount, you're a genius. A touch of the tism. A touch. Yes.
But you want to be really good at math. Yeah, yeah. It's almost like blind guys who can fucking do other shit. Right. Like they're hear better. Yeah. Yeah. Echo location. There you go. Yeah. I mean Stevie Wonder and Ray Charles. Yeah. I think I have just enough brains. That's that's very interesting. do this for so long and do comedy and do UFC and uh drink and smoke weed and all run a club. You got a lot of iron and kids and a wife and uh fucking dog and you got J Mo.
And cars, you got a lot of plate spin. But I'm still just me because I don't have to ever be anybody but me. But you also do a ton of work on you. You do you do the fucking cold plunge, the sauna, the working out, the kicking, the fighting, the comedy. That helps. That's I always tell everybody that's going through anything like difficult in your life, do something more difficult voluntarily and it makes the difficult thing easier.
And so like a career in the public eye is very difficult psychologically. Yeah. So do something like my workouts are way harder than anything I ever experienced in regular life. And you do it to yourself. Yeah, I do it to myself. That's the key. Yeah. So that when I'm done, like I can kinda tolerate a lot. Mm-hmm. Like if you do jujitsu, like I do jujitsu for what Twenty five.
Twenty eight years or something like that. Yeah. Like just doing that all the time is so hard that the rest of the world seems easy. But were you beaten as a kid? No, not a bit. I thought you got hit a few times. Or your mom got hit? Yeah. Okay. Not me. Not me. That could've that could've scrambled some stuff. It definitely did. Well, it made me more attuned to the potential of domestic violence, which scares the shit out of it.
But I got hit a lot. Okay. But in fighting. Right. I mean, I started m started training when I was fifteen, seriously. Yeah, yeah. So for all my formative years I was getting my brains Whoa. You know, I was getting kicked. I was getting punched, you know. Have you thought about getting like that'd be cool to get a real brain scan exam on you?
It's going well, yeah. So I'm I leave it alone. But I think like you have to have tools for managing stress, and one of the best tools I think is voluntary advertisement. I think that's a good idea. Right. And it's also like I don't want to do it every time. Like today. Yes. Or today I got in the cold plunge and I was every time I do it, I'm trying to figure out ways that I could talk myself out of it
Yes. And then I have one part of my brain that's talking like a bitch. Yeah and the other part of my brain that's like shut the fuck up. You're just gonna do it. Yeah. You're not even gonna think about it. You're not gonna hesitate. You're just gonna lift the lid off of that thing. You're gonna set the timer, you're gonna slide into that 34 degree water, and you're just gonna fucking sit there.
Well you're not gonna bitch and complain. You're just gonna breathe and don't overreact. Just just deal with it. And it keeps you in reality. Yes. This is real. I'm freezing. You could die. You could die. Or you're lifting weights, you're like, this sucks. When you're doing sprints on the air dye machine, it sucks. Well also the society
The population is more comfortable than ever. I mean you got Uber Eats, you got Netflix, you got all these comforts. So they're going the other way. And then we're kind of decaying. Great book. Oh there you go. He's a professor in um UNLV, I think. Um but he l like talks about it from like a a perspective of like how to ban like really manage and balance out life.
And that comfort is your enemy. It really is. Yeah. It's one hundred percent your enemy. There's no way if fans or buts about it. Like does the desire to constantly be comfortable, it doesn't get you anywhere in life and it doesn't make you happy. Yeah. You think you're gonna be happy if you're comfortable, you're not. No. Right. I told you I watched that guy cook fucking an o an ostrich. He he baked an ostrich. That's crazy. Yeah. And I watched the whole thing. We're sitting there like a moron.
Because the world's on fire. I'm like, let me watch this guy cook in Azerbaijan and go super. But it's better to watch that than Love is Blind or some horse shit. I can't watch those things. Väng firar 70 år av resor som är svåra att släppa taget om. Och det gör vi med massor av erbjudanden som är omöjliga att motstå. Bokar redan nu på wing.se. De bästa resorna försvinner först. Ving semester.
I can't either. I don't like watching people behave badly. I get I feel myself being dumber. Yeah. I I feel slower after watching space. I was watching something about the James Webb telescope and what they're finding out now. Yeah, some new guy that has some theory about how the universe is not expanding. Is i I I'm fascinated by really interesting things and just people doing things that they love to do. Well Jimmy Carr said the key to life is two words prioritize later. And that's big.
Yeah. You know, you don't wanna eat healthy or eat right. You want the pizza, you want the Snickers, but you think about later. Right. And I think that's a big one. Right. You want your comedy to do well, you gotta write. You gotta write. Sit down in front of that fucking computer or the m notebook and just
concentrate and then do those sets that you don't Some of the best sets that I've ever had are the ones where I'm sitting at home going, Can I get an excuse to not do this? Of course. I would be in my house not wanting to go to the store and I was like And you're always happy you did it every single time.
Every time. I'm a big introvert, so I would always go, Ah, I can't go to that party or that thing sounds annoying, but if I go, I'm like, that was great. I had a great chance. Where did you're an introvert? Big introvert. But you're so good publicly. Well, I mean we do an art form that's pre written.
Yeah. So But you're also good like this. But it's me and you. But you're also good in interviews in like Good Morning America and those. Well, I'm fucking around. I'm a I'm a Goop. But you know what I'm saying? Like you're really good at those. Uh but I can do a one on one, but i i in a in a group setting, I'm a mess.
It's not pretty. And I I sit at home and I go, I can't go, I can't uh what if I say something stupid? Nobody likes me, I'm annoying, uh and then I everything w everything tells me to stay home, but I just push it.
But don't you think it's healthier to have that perspective, like oh people are gonna hate me, they're gonna then everybody loves me. Of course. Yeah, I don't wanna be that guy. That doesn't work. No. Right? No. That's like when whenever I talk to people, they say I got in imposter syndrome, I go, good. That means your healthy.
Oh. Everybody who's doing really well gets imposter syndrome. Right, right. David Tell thinks he's a hack. He's the funniest guy on the planet. Right? Everybody who's really killing it in life, at certain point in time, was this Yeah. Why am I even doing well? Why is it so good? Yeah. Yeah. But now uh do we are we just blessed in that way that we hate ourselves or are insecure or are we Uh did we have to f find that out? Well'cause I'm jealous of the guy who's cool and collected.
Yeah, but they're probably jealous of you'cause your talent I think that the thing about it is it's like if you really believe you're something better than you are, that prevents you from getting better than you could be. I agree. Yeah, yeah. If you if you think you're great, you're you're s you're you're fixing something and you go, That's good. I did it.
And then it falls apart. We all remember that from like the beginnings of our career, like this guys that thought they killed. Yes, yes. And they were terrible. Yeah. They were bombing. No one was laughing. Right. And they're like, ah, that was a great set. What did you hear? You see all these four hundred pound skanks who are like, I'm a ten right you're like, What are you kidding? You're an ogre. Right. But you know But that's that
I don't like those either. They're they're too mean to the to the gals, but uh and like I've called everybody skakes, but I'm not gonna just say that to a woman's face or whatever. So those make me uncomfortable. Yeah, even the girl the gals that deserve it like Don't just don't talk to them. Nah. But people love it. They love it when people get shut down. They really do. They love it. They love it when a really
Stupid person with like delusional perspective talks to a genius and gets just a annihilated. I know, but I'd feel icky leaving that studio. Oh, I would. I feel icky watching it. Even like the little clip. I'm like oh what are you doing to that poor lady? I know. Some of them deserve it, arguably. You know, they have ridiculous perspectives, their their vocabulary sucks and they try to use it anyway. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And look, maybe they should be it's like cop.
I see'em shutting criminals down and I'm like, thank God they're here'cause I don't want to do it. Mm-hmm. I would never want to imagine giving someone a parking ticket? Oh, I'd kill myself. Well that's a whole other thing. How could you not? I was talking to a friend of mine who worked for the Austin PD and he said, Listen, Matt, and he was in the he served overseas and was deployed several times. And he said, I saw way more shit while working for the police department than I ever
Oh wow. Way more murders, way more crime, way more dead bodies, way more fucked up behavior. And then we shit on them. We go def defund'em. They fuck cops, a cab or whatever, and I'm like, We need'em. We need those guys. More of that stupid versus. 'Cause those people remember that lady who was the mayor of uh Chicago?
was like all Lightfoot? Yeah, all about defund the police. Meanwhile, she had her block shut down. She had armed guards with her everywhere. Right. Come on, lady. Yeah, and I get it, cops aren't perfect. We gotta have different money allotted to certain things or whatever, but
They need to be trained better for sure. Yeah, but you you can't just shit on this guy. He's is he's taking bullets to the head just so we can be safe. It's literally one of the most important jobs in a functioning society is to stop criminals from ruining everything. And the only shield between us and them is police.
Yeah. If you don't appreciate that, you just don't know. You is you're you're either delusional, you're you're arrogant, whatever it is, you need you should go on a ride-along. Yeah. A lot of people that have been on ride-alongs, they go on ride-alongs. I I haven't been on.
say that right away, but I know enough cops, I've talked to them. But if you go on a ride along, you'll go, Oh, these guys are dealing with this for decades. Yeah. Not just one night. Not just a couple of nights. Yeah. Decades of fucking chaos. Why would they do that?
'Cause it's a good gu it's a good job. You can pay your mortgage. You can you know you raise a family and you know you you come out of the military, you know what you're gonna do, you get a job in the police force. And you feel good probably. You go, Ah, I'm helping, I'm saving a lot of people's lives. A lot of times you are helping. Yeah. A lot of times you're stopping bad guys. Well I've noticed a lot of people who hate cops are very cop like.
You know, like these people like uh defund the police and they're like, Don't do that joke, don't say that word. Like you're like a cop. Right. You know, it does a lot of that. Like a lot of people who hate Trump I noticed are a lot like Trump. Like I'm not a Trump guy, but these people are like
They're also kind of a narcissist and egomaniac and I'm like, You're like him Like girls who are promiscuous who talk shit about girls fucking other guys. Right, right. Right? That's always the case. Always. Yeah, yeah. It's uh There's always people like that. I think you hate yourself. Yeah. They look the same they're not that different. I used to do a joke about that. No way. Yeah. I I I said when I look at Israel versus Palestine
I go, I it's like the the Williams sisters playing each other in tennis. Right. I go, Who the fuck is who? I go, There's a A brown skinned guy with dark curly hair throwing rocks at a brown skinned guy with dark curly hair holding a machine gun. Exactly. What the fuck I have a similar bit about how the people who hate each other the most They're the they they look alike. Like Ireland's been fighting. North Korea, South Korea, and the R. North Korea, South Korea is the best example.
It goes on for days. Yeah. They hate each other. You're literally in the same patch of dirt. Russian. You look exactly the same. You look the same. You look the same. I know. Women Yeah. They hate each other. A lot of them do. Yeah. Competition though. I know, that's primal shit. They all prime dick. Yeah. They all get mad.
She's like, fuck this bitch. I'm like, she's nice, she gives to the poor, she's charitable, and she's like, I hate her. One of my wife's friends got super upset upset because someone showed up at her wedding. Uh there was a a date. This guy brought a date, and the date was super hot, and she had her tits out, and this lady was furious. Yeah, it goes it's an eight. She was you know, she just overdid it. Right, right. Exactly. Listen, that lady could show up with a fucking
put like a job of the hut outfit on, yeah, you would hate her. She's hot. She's hot. She could have a cloak. She could be dressed like a monkey'd hate. She's beautiful. In college, I lived with a guy who was 6'9, just like this big, beefy, Midwestern football player guy. And every bar we'd go to, guys would try to fight him. Course. You got a problem? And he's like, dude, I'm just sitting here drinking and he would have to fight these guys.
Really? People won't try to pick fights with MMA fighters. They get drunk and they're retarded and they just think, Oh fuck this guy up. Yes. That's crazy. Stupid. There's a lot of morons in this world. It's too easy to survive. It's too easy to be a moron. We need wolves in the streets. We need predators everywhere. Right. We need something like a real fear of the consequences of your actions. Yeah, that's why animals stay in line.
You know, we talk all this shit about animals, but they're like they're keeping it the they got gender roles, they're doing all the shit we're not supposed to do. Not a lot of non binary wolves. Yeah. They don't make it. The male penguin gets the fish, the female watches the eggs. If they go, if he was like, I want to be a graphic designer, fuck this shit, like it would collapse. Exactly. It would all fall apart. Yeah. The idea of gender roles, like
You know, I had this lady on um who was uh explaining the r the roots of feminism. It was uh the strangest conversation. Because uh she was uh talking about how all these people that started like radical feminism were all completely fucked up. They were all out of their fucking minds. Right. They're all like having all these affairs, not raising their kids, like completely self-obsessed. Right. And they're the ones who tricked all these women into being girl bosses.
Oh wow. Well anytime someone is too outlandish about something, there's always a a trigger for that. There's always a reason. Uhhuh. No no matter what it is. Yeah. I'm gonna take down these pedophiles and you're like, What's gonna what's in your basement? Right. You know? Right.
I'm against pedophiles. Well have you seen like when they did this uh m like when Pizzagate was happening? There was all these people that debunked Pizzagate. Four of the journalists that debunked Pizzagate got arrested for either child sex crimes or child. Wow, there you go. Isn't that crazy? It's it's guys are like this is an unfounded conspiracy theory. This is all bullshit. Right.
They were pervs. It's like the same with Bill Cosby. Why is he so gung ho about you pulling your pants off, speaking right, don't curse? There's something behind it. There's always something behind it. He's the best example, right? Yeah. Ellen. Ellen is up there. Be kind, I'm dancing. And then she's a the coups of the year. Yeah. time ago because Fitzsimmons worked for her. Yeah, that's right. He told everybody. Oh, he told everybody. He told me like fucking decades.
She's such a cunt. Yeah. I was a really Ellen? I was shocked. I mean too. I was like, she seems so sweet. She seems so nice. He's like, dude, she's fucking horrible to her staff. She's horrible to everybody. Wow, there you go. Everybody loved her. During the pandemic, when everybody was bored before it all came out. Right, right. So I was like, hey, let me tell you something about that later.
But one one interesting takeaway is the fact that she was kind of canceled for being gay in the nineties. And she came out of it and became a star and then she got canceled for being mean. That's that's progress. Yeah, but people celebrated her because she got and gay. They canceled her show. Isn't that nuts? Like you could get a show on the air now.
if you were playing a gay character. Right. They'd be like, ooh, diversity. Yes. This is like gonna get greenlit. Yeah. Well it's funny how that gay used to be the ultimate insult in h when I was in high school and now I got friends like, Tell Mum by I'm trying to fit in. Right. So it went from an insult to like Uh a cool thing. I'm pansexual. That's my favorite. Yes. I'll fuck everybody. That's what it is. I'm attracted to everybody.
But in twenty years you're gonna be like, Tom, I'm a child molester. I'm trying to fit in. Like where does it end? Well there are academics that are trying to say that these are minor attracted persons. I've heard a map. That's bananas. Insane. Why are we talking why isn't that a big story? Gadsad calls it suicidal energy.
Like you get you get to a point where you're trying to justify everything and empathize with everything to the point where you make horrific actions and terrible crimes justifying.
Well doesn't it kinda horseshoe, you know, like y you see like a alt right guy who'll draw a swastika on a synagogue and you're like, all right that guy's a piece of shit. But then a a liberal guy will do it on a cyber truck. Exactly. And you're like, What you guys just met in the middle somehow. Exactly. You're putting cyber truck. F swastika goes on cyber trucks because you think Elon Musk is a Nazi. Because he said, My heart goes out to you while he's trying to stop fraud and waste.
and they're using the whole political machine to paint this guy as a Nazi. You're buying into it the virtue signal. Yeah. And so to show that you're buying into it, you're you're keying test. But when you look at the steps of it, it's it's fascinating. Well it's the same.
It's the same thing. These are like patterns of human behavior. Yeah. Where you want to point at other people and not look at yourself and you want to think that your radical beliefs are fine and everybody else's radical beliefs are wrong. But we've gotten there with politics.
Mm-hmm. And that's what's scary'cause no one people aren't there's not even two parties anymore. There's two algorithms. Everybody's just seeing two totally different realities. Yes. Like like These Iranian soccer player ladies. Who are too scared to go home and you're like, Where's Rapino? Right. Where's that that Lesbo uh that loudmouth? She she's uh a justice warrior. This is do some justice. Right. These people they're fucking
Family back homes being kidnapped. Yeah. Like these people are in like real danger. Yes, and they're no one supporting'em incredibly brave to do that, to show the hair, whatever they do, and they're scared to go home and then like their family members get tortured because they won't come back.
It's fucking horrible. Exactly. I think those people s sought refuge in Australia now. That's right. That's right. I mean their whole life has been ruined. They're fucked and no support from the left. Yeah, give a tweet. Zero something. Hashtag. It's crazy. Like how do they like pick certain things to support and other things they just blatantly ignore? It's fucking fascinating and it's so uh contradictory. I you know, the the right will be like abortion's bad but then they'll have an abortion.
Right. Behind the behind the sneaky style. Behind the curtain, yeah. Or like the left like uh g get horribly mad at like the George Floyd violence. Right. How do they do that to him? But then that lady in Charlotte gets stabbed on a train Not a peep. Oh yeah. Not a peep. Not a peep. You got some guy that's getting released from jail like fucking forty times. He's a violent offender. Right. Over and over again. Stab some random lady who survived the Ukraine war.
She was a refugee from Ukraine. And not a not a bad looker. Hot. Very hot. That's the problem. Ah nobody feels sympathetic for a hot lady. She's got it too easy. Well, that's cre people are people. No. Damn. Nuts. And then I feel like like some of this we're saying is controversial. But how is this controversial? We're just saying what is. In a world gone crazy.
Speaking sane is controversial. That's why it feels so fucking good when shit comes back to real like when you know we had to call fat people beautiful. Never then all Ono Zimpic. They're all Ozempic. Like what are we doing here? So now it's okay to go, All right, I I'm I like being thin. I want to be hot. No. But they never go, I was lying. I lied a bunch. I know. I was a fat piece of shit and I hated it. Lizzo's losing weight. She was the fat champion. I know. She's lost a lot of weight.
She looks good now. She looks great, but I like fat lid. And she's probably a lot healthier. It's like better for her. Of course. Yeah. I mean it's very strange. People are mad at jelly roll for losing weight. Well, his name's Jelly Roll. You know, he fucked up. Well, now he's a a jelly churro. He's lost 300 fucking pounds with pure discipline. Is that? Come on. Yeah, Noah's empix.
Really? Noah's empic. What's he doing? He does testosterone replacement and exercise. That's it. And and changed his diet. Daily. Sugar eliminated everything from his diet. He was a big boy. He was five hundred pounds. Wow. Yeah. He lost three hundred. He's in the twos now. And then thirty five pounds of it is extra skin. Ooh. He's got crazy.
He worked out with me in here. He w he had ran six miles the day before, came into the studio before the podcast we did, he ran two and a half miles on on the treadmill. f talking like in great shape. He's talking while he's running, laughing, joking around. Super nice to everybody. Nice. He's the sweet m the sweetest fucking guy you ever want to meet. He's a very nice guy. To everybody, man. Everybody's he's hugging everybody.
He's like a sweet, kind guy and he's on the right path. And he's lost three hundred fucking pounds. Wow. Good for him. Yeah. He's gotta change the name. No. You can't be jelly roll and thin. Just call him jelly. I don't even know that what is his real name? I've known that guy for fucking seven years. I don't even know his real name. Jason. Jason. You're Jason now. I'm sorry. No, I'm not. years. I met him at my club. So I met I've known
Jason. I didn't know that. I would have guessed like Brian. Yeah. Yeah. Who knows? Who knows? But it's cool that he's got a fake name though. That's a good move. Yeah, that's a black guy move. Yeah, well, Vanilla Ice.
A black guy movie. You know, Earthquake. They all have cool names. Lil Wayne. You gotta have a cool name for a black guy. Right, right. Very few comics have done that. Earthquake's one of the few. Yeah, we had hamburger for the cable guy. There you go. Yeah. There's a white guy doing it. Dice Clay? Yes. That's a fake name. Right. So a couple guys did it. Yeah, dice Clay is just dice. I just call him dice. Yeah. Well most people don't know that he was Andrew Silver.
Yes. And the dice man was one of many characters that he did on stage. Travolta, Jerry Lewis, he did a bunch of guys. Oh, he's got great impressions. He's a tal he's a talented guy. He's not just a talented guy, that guy is a legitimate performance guy. Yeah. He does performance art on the street for fun, for no money. And he's m literally mocking the fact that he's not famous. Yeah.
That's comedy. The most ego free version of that shit. I opened for him once and I was kinda nervous. He's you know, he's a he's a legend. And I went up to him and I was like, Hello, Mr. Dice, just letting you know I'm your opener. He goes, You want a picture? I'm like, No, I'm just letting you know um your opener how much time you want me to do he goes
You want a picture and I'm like, I don't need a picture just how much time do you want me to do? He goes, Get over here and he gets me in a headlock and takes a picture And I never I just didn't know how much time to do, but as he was fucking with me. He gave me great advice in the nineties. Uh huh. And I said, Really? I go why?
You don't wanna be relying on these fucking jerk offs to make your living. He goes, You're a funny comic. He goes, You could be headlining all over the country, making a good living. You don't need these fucking people. That's really nice. It was the smartest thing that anybody ever taught me. You gotta do the rope.
I had to do the road. Because I was you know, I was doing like fifteen minute sets and then, you know, I never was really headlining for like a a few years. Yeah. And I I did back when I lived in New York and then all of a sudden I was like, you know, he's right. And then I started really putting together an hour, a like a solid hour on the road and it got way better. Yeah. My my act got way better and
And then I realized like if a show gets canceled, I can still make a living. Right. You know, like whereas everybody who just works in Those poor comics that stop doing the road and then become writers. That's even worse than being an actor. Because nobody knows who you are and you're completely reliant on the scene. to feed you and then you have a mortgage. Right. Maybe you have a family, you have a wife
I know. But if you have college you have to pay for. Those writers' rooms are cushy though. You get air conditioning, you get snacks, and you get a health care, you get a paycheck, and you go into an office every day. But you're writing the funny stuff to that other person.
True. And in the back of your head, you know, like the reason why it's funny is'cause of my mind and no one knows who I am. I know. It's a velvet prison. And then you see these sixty five year old comics back on the funny bone train'cause they gotta make money. They are. That is a bummer. It's a bummer. Yeah. And all these guys that missed the podcast. A lot of those guys like year they've kind of abandoned the bitterness, but years ago guys were
Well they were really bitter. I remember that. Like are you a comic? Are you a podcaster? Well I can't do both. What am I doing all day? Yeah, it's a cheat code. People get to know you, they listen to you every day or every week, and then you get to go to their town. Yeah. And in conversation with people, you come up with ideas. That's true. That's a big one. That's true. Yeah. I mean I think the I think this podcast saved the store. Oh yeah, 100%.
I was a part of it. I know for a fact it did. It changed everything. You had all those guys Santino, Theo, all those uh Prisher. A hundred percent it changed the store. And it changed everybody's attitude towards each other because instead of being competition, like we're all struggling to try to get this one spot on a sitcom or this one host of a show. Instead, we're all like an asset to each other'cause we're guests on each other's show.
Hey, could you help me promote my Netflix special? Yeah, come on. And everybody's an asset. Everybody helps everybody. They help yeah, you your guest on theirs, they're a guest on yours and it's so uh uh low maintenance. Yeah. You just set it up in a hotel room and put it out.
And people love it because they love real conversations. Yeah. And it's hard to get those in this weird world where everybody's communicating on social media. Well it makes you think that maybe that's why actors have to play ball. Yeah. Because they don't have this thing to rely on. So they gotta you know play the game.
And bullshit each other. The sane ones that I talk to, they talk about the deep pain that it gives them having to fucking acquiesce to these people. Yeah, yeah. Well I just did you know, I'm doing this crazy press door with the special. I just did a late night show and it was fun. You do the couch
Yeah, you put makeup on, you put on a nice jacket, and you you yuck it up for the live audience, but you're just sitting there going, That guy's got a headset and a clipboard, what is she doing over there? He's like a page, he's a intern. It's so much wasted money. And you're like, no wonder these are kind of going away. It's unnecessary.
Well that was the thing about the complaint about the Colbert show being canceled. They're like you're censoring you're censoring speech, but Colbert show is losing CBS forty to fifty million dollars a year. Well, who watches it? I mean I mean, no offense to these guys. They're all super talented, whatever, but it's like But the idea that they're supposed to keep that thing on the air while they're hemorrhaging money from it is crazy.
And the guest is just like a crap shoot. Who who we getting today? Snooky? Oh great. I'm not gonna watch that. I couldn't think of anybody relevant, but you know. They gotta sit and talk to Snooky. You gotta you got a book out, huh? Who's gonna watch that? That was Bill Hicks' old joke about Jay Leno killing him.
Do you remember that joke? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sitting down next to Joey Lawrence, hey you got a girlfriend? Exactly. And then he sticks an oozy in his mouth and it it blows out his brains. 'Cause he's a company man to the bitter end. Well that's why Conan, he saw the writing on the wall and he said, I'm starting to pod. Yeah. Well he also left and did the T B S show which was like way less pressure
You know, that was a good move.'Cause he still got to do his own show and people watch it that are fans, it still kept an audience, but he still stayed himself. Yeah, yeah, that's true. He's a smart guy. He's a smart guy and he's Very funny guy. Super funny. Very funny guy. He helped me a lot in the early days too. Yeah, I was on his show way, way back in the day. A friend of mine was a writer on his show in the very beginning.
and uh when I went to the filming their banter was all planned out. They had they had these big like Postboards. Yeah. With all the dialogue and someone would be standing behind what was the other guy's name? Like Richter? Yeah, Andy Richter. Someone would be standing behind Andy Richter and someone would be standing behind Conan. And so they would read the things that they were gonna say.
Crazy. That's funny'cause when I did this late night show, they call you at like ten in the morning, like, what do you want to talk about? It's uh what do you call those guys? Like the producer guy who gives you the and he's like What about this? I'm like, nobody cares about that. He's like, What talk about your writing process and how you got into stand up? I'm like, that's just hack shit that's been done to death.
Exactly. Let me riff. Let me riff. I'm a comic. Yeah. Well, I did the Bob and Tom show once and they they tried to do that to me. The producer got upset at me. Bob and Tom were great. But they the the producers were upset with.
He like visibly upset. He goes, Well, what are you gonna bring up? Yeah. And I go, I don't know. He's like, You don't know? Right. I go, We're gonna have fun. Don't worry about it. Yeah. I've done this a fucking million times. Exactly. Just go in there and have a good time. Don't worry about it. I did it one I was so green that they made me write on loose leaf. さらば
And I wrote like eight setups. So then he'd be like, So I hear you have a dog and I'm like, Yeah, I do my dog bit. Oh, that's horrible. I know. It was like school. That used to be all morning radio, guys doing their act on the radio. It was terrible. Terrible. Terrible. Fake con you know what changed that? Open in. Opie and Anthony was the beginning of population.
Not Stern? No. Stern was the beginning of free speech. Stern was the beginning of like being wild on the radio. He's the GOAT. Like if it wasn't for him, none of this we would have no podcast. Well, I don't know if we wouldn't have a podcast, but the evolution of it would have been stalled radically. Yeah. He was the guy that stuck his neck out. He was the guy that got fined.
Like during the Bush administration, people forget about that. They were going after him for de indecency. Oh yeah. Blas well not blast me, um but Obscenity. They were finding the fucking stations and shit insane amounts of money. Right. But he was so big that he stayed alive and survived that. But then Opie and Anthony came along and it was Totally different. It was just wild and loose.
Yeah. And it was just Norton and Voss and Patrice and and Louis Quinn Louie and all of us and Ari and we would all go in and I loved going there. Yeah. I loved going and then when Anthony started doing live from the compound. So you had this Sick house in Long Island. They made a ton of money. Oh yeah. And he had this sick house in Long Island and he built his own studio in his basement so he could live stream.
Oh wow. And he had like Guinness on tap and he had like real professional microphones and cameras and it was nuts. Freedom. And I was like, Wow, that's it. Like and they were trying to get him to stop doing Really? I'm just doing Love of the game. And they were upset that he was doing this on on the internet. Wow. Yeah. And so he and then Tom Green. Tom Green was a big one. Oh yeah, that was a big one. Well, he did his his internet show. Yeah. But it was just totally loose. Like there was no
asking you what you wanted to talk about when you were sitting on the couch, just came in and hung out. Yeah. Tom Green's a funny guy and he's smart and loose and we're having a good time and And I was like This is it. This is the future. He was weird, innovative, he got ball surgery on air.
Remember that? He got he had ball cancer and he he did the surgery on the show. Did he really yeah. He was ahead of the game. But these these TV shows are so weird because they want comics on, but they don't want you to be a comic. Right. These morning shows are like, oh, what's up, funny man? And you're like, well, I had toll. And they're like, cut it, cut it. You know, like, I'm just being me. They're just scared. You had me on. They're just scared.
You know, they get scared of losing their job. I mean those people are really scared'cause they they don't nothing. All they have is like, Hey, good morning. Right. It's five past the hour. You know, here's Tom with weather. It's like they it's like a bullshit fake gig. So anything can take it away from them. So all the stuff that they rely on their
Fucking membership of the country club that they have to pay for. All that stuff could go away at any moment. So they're all they live terrified. That's a prison. I know. You might as well be a weatherman. Yeah, and even the weatherman, same thing. Yeah, that's a good gig though. I guess. I mean you just eight minutes and go, Oh, the Doppler. Huh, you do some hand movements and then you're done.
It's just you live in hell. We're lucky as fuck. We're very lucky and I'm very grateful. We're lucky as fuck. But this this platform, like the the podcast platform that we all enjoy, that we all do, it wouldn't have existed without a Opie and Anthony was the first time a comics got together and was it was completely loose. Yeah. It was just there was no
Figuring out like what we're gonna say. Everybody was just riffing, they're all shitting on each other. And then when it went to XM, it was amazing. Yeah, because then you could Swear? Right, right. Oh my god. If you've never heard it, go on YouTube and watch it. There's some
Fucking comedy gold on there. Gold. Especially the Patrice episodes. Yes. Oh my god, he was so good. That's where he really shined. You know, him and Louie together talking about black vs Mexican was amazing. And they they do one episode where they talk about where the N word came from. And Louie goes, Well, I think we should just a bunch of guys being N words. You never heard shit like that. Right. That was comedy gold. Well you could be
Free and then Tough Crowd. Yeah, that was another one. Another one. Another kind of situation. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Where comics just got together and just and Colin Quinn was hosting it and he's hilarious and everybody's just riffing and fucking around and Norton's chiming in, Nick DiPalos chiming in, and Greg Geraldo when he was alive. Oh brilliant guy. Oh he was great.
Yeah, but comedy's weird'cause like I got my special out and it's only been out like a day or two but I'm getting all these nice messages. I love that bit, I love that bit, and those are the bits that didn't really Do as well as some of the other ones. Isn't that weird how that works? Well sometimes people just like something clever that's different than the way they think.
Oh, I like it isn't you know, there's the there's bits that are just hilarious, and there's other bits that just make me smile. Like that's fucking great. That's a great bit. That's true. Just like Hicks said that once. Like, if you're if it's not gonna be funny, at least make it interesting. Yeah, that's good. Just be you. But if you can be both this fucking constant dance and then as soon as it's over, oh my god, I'm starting from scratch.
Oh, that's where I'm at. I got the special out. I'm back to square one. I I'm the worst comic in America right now. You gonna be at the club tonight? I'll be there. Joey's at the club tonight. Joey Diaz is headlining. I don't wanna follow him with my harsh shit. No, he'll be headlining. Okay, no one has to follow him. Animal right now. Really? He's on fire. Yeah, because he's been doing these residence.
He's been doing casinos in Philadelphia. He's been doing shows all around New York and New Jersey. He's killing it right now. Oh good. I'm still trying to get him to move. I'm trying. A little warm out here though. He's a sweaty Cuban. Cuba's hot too. He don't really complain about Jelly complains about assholes.
These fucking moaks. These white people. Joe Rogan, you're around these fucking white people too much. Yeah, well New York's the weirdest because uh you walk by a hobo jerking off and then I'll tell a zinger and be like easy. I'm like, there's a dead guy on Third Street and you uh in the subway you took here, and then I tell a joke and people are like, Whoa, buddy. Well, it'll turn It just has to like culture goes in these big waves. It's like a seesaw. It goes up, it goes down, it goes back.
It just feels like with with young people there's an HR vibe in the in the in the young world. Well you think that's the world they have to live in every day at work. Yeah, yeah.
They go from the university where they're taught that shit and then they go to a job where they're taught that shit and that shit can actually help them get ahead. Right. And if you enforce it, like people are like, Oh, they're scared, they'll help you, they'll move you ahead. Yeah. You know, if you push these values and push these ideas, like it'll
Help. And then there's people that are their whole job is just enforcing that stuff in the workplace. And those people are fucked up. Those are scary people. HR people are the wackiest nuts on the planet. Oh, those are the scary. 'Cause those are the fucking the hall pass monitors. Right. Right. It's it's kind of like uh Asian porn.
You know, Asians are the most repressed people and their porn is bananas'cause they gotta get it out. You know what's nuts about some of their porn? They have to blur out the genitals. I know. Silly. Help me out. What are we doing here? Help me out. Yeah, that's a good thing. This is crazy. That's this is legitimately crazy. Yeah, yeah. Uh you know like it in the in the nineties you couldn't say fuck but you could say the N word.
On TV. Interesting. Yeah. Saturday night live. Exactly. Right. Yes, exactly. But you couldn't say fucking at all. So it's funny how we we take certain that's okay, but not that. I know. People are always looking to tell people what to do. Yeah. That's really what it is. And that's not new. They're always looking to define people as being worse than them. Like that's a bad person. Right. I'm a good person. Yes. And they're always looking to tell people what to do.
Yeah. It's as old as time, you know. Yeah. Sure. These old you know but it just keeps shifting. Like in the fifties you couldn't have a man and a woman in the same bed, but you could smoke in front of a baby.
And now you c you can have uh people fucking on T V but smoking is like uh they have a a disclaimer. There's always gonna be bitches in this world ruining it for everybody. There's uh no matter what you do, there's always gonna be people that try to find a loophole, try to find some fucking cheat code.
Sneak their way to the top, take Ozempik, do what they gotta do. I guess so. But we're all gonna die one day, folks. You might as well have a good time. You should be having a good time before you die. Don't don't wait till you die and go Yeah. Well, don't have too much fun. Burke Kreisher's uh he quit drinking. He had to. He got blood clots. Yeah. And He took four of them.
Really? Yeah. He had to keep taking'em because he was doing projects. Oh yeah. Yeah. They kept tell telling him he needs another booster in order to do this new thing. Well what happened to his tour bus? What happened to his tour bus? Oh, J Mo. He his tour bus caught on fire. When did this happen? Uh three days ago? Oh they got a flat tire and then
What happened? They could have been in there. I think he's uh he might be s smartly saving it for a podcast or something. Oh shit. Well it's all over the news too. He did a big Instagram live about it. I didn't watch it, but uh yeah, that thing is torched. It's it looks like Gaza footage. Look at that. Whoa. Comedian Bert Crush's tour bus destroyed by fire in Minnesota.
Yeah, the fucking Antifa got'em. Yeah. Well Minnesota's cursed. Fire is on known. Yeah, Antifa. I'm calling it. Uh I'm calling it. It's the anti ice people. We're all safe but my bus is gone. God works in mysterious ways. What? Oh he lit it on fire. Well As soon as you say God works in mysterious ways. Look at that thing. That's nuts. Something can stop the machine.
Wow, that's crazy. Something's burning. That's gotta suck because that that was a very expensive expensive tour bus. Yeah. He was always on. Oh my god, that is crazy. I've never had the desire to get a tour bus. I don't like it either. I've I've opened for Bert on the bus and it's fun, but I couldn't do that at all day, every day. Well I don't get hammered. So it's like this idea of just touring around. But like my friends that are musicians like Sturgeil Simpson, he loves being a
Yeah, some people love it. He said it's like it's like a living room that you travel around in. They're all strumming along, singing songs, partying, laughing, watching movies. I guess that's nice. I'll give you a flight. I'll get there in ten minutes.
You're traveling all night. I need to go to the gym. I need to eat steak. Right. Nice restaurant. I I don't like doing that. I'm with ya and that bed is like a coffin. Yeah. And you feel the bump of the road and you're like, Oh, we could just turn off any minute and on the highway.
Exactly. What about that guy driving falls asleep? Oh and those aren't the most stand up guys driving those but they're like ex cons and pedophiles and whatnot. It's weird. Also, I've never done those long tours like that. I don't like I don't either.
Well also we got kids, so y I like to get in, get back. Get in, get back. Yeah. I've always done that. I've always done like a week except one time I did the Maxim Comedy Tour with Charlie Murphy and John Heffron. Whoa. We did uh we did twenty two dates in a month. And I hated it.'Cause I'd be waking up and I'm like, Where am I? I didn't know where I was.'Cause you're always on the road. Twenty two dates is crazy. It was nuts. In a row. You you don't you don't even know what day it is.
But by the end of that month, whoo you're sharp. You're tight. Oh, you're sharp. Yeah. You're just out there murdering. You're just like your timing is on point. Everything Rock solid. And in a weird group, Hefron, Murphy, and you. Yeah. That's a lot of range. It was fun. Hefron's funny. He's fun. He was very funny. Clean too, I think. Well, he mixes it up. He's not clean offstage. Offstage is hilarious.
He's just hilarious, period. He's a really good joke writer too. And this was like he had come off of Last Comic Standing. He won that. Right. And then Charlie. Oh, Charlie, she was such a such a good dude. Really? Such a real man.
He's a a real solid dude. Well Eddie Murphy always talks about he was kind of his protector. Like if you talk shit about Eddie Murphy, he would just go beat you up. Oh yeah. Well Charlie was a r legitimate martial artist. Oh is that I didn't know that. Oh yeah yeah yeah. He fought in karate tournaments and shit. Yeah.
Yeah, we we talked a lot about martial arts. He knew he knew his shit for sure. Oh, I didn't know that. Yeah. No, he knew how to fight. He was a dangerous guy. But just a nice guy. Just a Solid human being. I didn't even know he was sick, man. I had no idea until he was he until he died. And he kept it quiet. Just like Norm did. Yeah. No one knew. Norm was talking about moving to Austin. No. He was talking about coming out here. Yeah. Wow. And then just fucking died.
That's so commendable in this like victim culture. He could've gotten so much so many points off that and he just wrote it out. Apparently he had been fighting cancer for a long time. Yeah. And if you look at him like when he got real puffy for a while, that was probably
If you watch his old I'm talking eighties clips, he's holding his stomach, like on Letterman,'cause he had stomach cancer. Whoa. And that's why he always touched his stomach,'cause I think it hurt. He had it for that long. He had it'cause it he had it and then he kinda beat it and it came back. Yeah. Crazy. He's a hero. Is there a funnier guy than Norm? I mean.
Funny on a podcast, funny on stand-up, funny in movies. Funny talking to him in the hallway of the store. Yes, exactly. And just a great guy, man. Oh yeah. A great guy. And you know, and would go after people who are cunts online too. Yeah. He did. Seth Simon guy went after him. Oh really? Yeah. One day I'm gonna I'm gonna meet you in real life. Whoa. He wrote Shane a nice Shane showed me the the email after he got in trouble. He was a solid dude. He was real solid. And fucking fun.
Man. So brilliant. So funny. Enlightened. And he was like a Dostoyevsky reader, you know, and everybody thought he was this you know dumb guy. I I sat next to him randomly on a flight twice. Don't do the smoking story. I did already. All right, all right. We've all heard it too many times. Sorry. But just randomly sitting next to him on a flight. It was like it was such a treat. That's a gift. Just to hang out with him for fucking hours on a plane, just laughing and talking. There's good people.
Yeah. Yeah. He was great. Yeah. And he changed weekend update. Oh yeah. I mean the fact that he got fired for being funny. He told the truth. He told the truth about OJ killing his wife and he got in trouble. Is that what happened? Because Ol Olmeyer was like the head of NBC and he was friends with OJ. So he was like, Stop shitting on O. J. He's a friend of mine. He's like, I can't, he he's a murderer.
That's crazy. You told him to stop shitting on OJ. And he kept doing it and he got fired. Really? That's what it was. That's crazy. Let me hear what he said. Brief back it up. Donald and now the fake news. Well it Can't play it? Yeah, you can see it. It's amazing. He's got a whole compilation of it.
This bitch up, bringing home. All right. Mark Norman, you're the man. Appreciate you, brother. New special. New special out on Netflix. I know it's hilarious. I watched you work out some of the material. It's called None Too Pleased. It's available now. As of the time we're talking, it's number five. I'm sure it'll boost the fuck up after this. Hell yeah, kick it up a notch. And uh I'll see you tonight.