Joe Rogan podcast. Check it out. The Joe Rogan experience. Train by day. Joe Rogan podcast by night. All day. Yes, sir, Michael. Good to see you, my friend. Thanks for having me and really appreciate you showing me around. Wow, what a space you've created, man. Thank you. That's so cool. Keeps going.
I was excited to show you the picture of my sauna, and then you show me you got an archery. It's so cool, man. Thank you. That's so cool. It's fun. So we were just singing Jon Stewart's praises before this started, but I'm so happy he's back at the Daily Show. And I'm so happy he makes fun of everything and I'm so happy still makes dick jokes. Yeah, you know, it's fun It's like the daily show seems like the daily show again like that guy's a very unique dude
Very unique person. And one of the most important pieces to unify everybody. He's reasonable. He gets the whole big picture. Let's stop being so fucking ridiculously tribal. In the morning meeting, he'll come in, and we're all sitting there, the writers, and he just kind of shuts the door behind him, and we start talking. But it's like a conversation with a college professor, but he's in charge.
And it's beautiful. All sides. This. I disagree with that. What about this? And it's like, oh, it's really fun to be a part of. And then someone will yell out a dick joke, and then that joke will make it to the show, too. You know, it's like smart things and dumb things. That's...
That's beautiful. Well, he's never abandoned being a real comic. Correct. Which is what got him to the dance in the first place. So he always has those instincts. And he's the very best at like... holding a line and like making something like even more preposterous just with a facial expression and pointing out like these fucking unbelievably ridiculous in your face hypocrisies that we see every day from
Both sides. Yeah, from both sides. Have you ever done stand-up with them? Oh, yeah. We've done stuff together, like back in the day. Yeah. God, I can't remember the last time. I was supposed to do something with him at one of Dave's things that he was doing outside back in the day, but I never wound up doing it. But I definitely...
did stand up with him in the clubs back in New York. And I knew him way, way back in the day was he was on MTV. Yeah. I remember that. And I think I remember one of his books was called.
Naked pictures of famous people. Which is great. He's a solid guy. He's a solid guy. I don't know if he's agreeing with him, but I don't even agree with me. Isn't that good? Isn't that the point of this? It's like you want a couple people to... be mad sometimes i also think we all as human beings need to be divorced from our ideas okay your ideas are not you you are you and ideas are things that you should consider right ideas are something that you should i mean
If it's going to have some sort of a real physical impact on your life and your family and your family's life and people you care about, I understand. I understand why you get connected to things like that. But for the most part... Most of these ideas don't affect you. A lot of them don't. And yet we're so ideologically captured that we fight for these ideas as if it's our very nature. You're talking about your essence as a human being.
it's stupid. This reminds me of a time I left my joke book on a train in New York. And in the joke book I have, this book is important to me. Call me if you get this, you know. And this guy texts me and he says, I have this joke book. And, you know, talk about your ideas. The joke book is the most... unfiltered, dumb idea ever. That's the beauty of it. And I said, man, I'm sure he's reading it. You're going to read it. You're going to read a stranger's joke book.
And I connected with him. He was very kind. He gave it to me, but he kind of looked at me like, are you a comedian type thing? And I said, yeah, but it's terrifying when that idea gets attached to you when it was just a fleeting idea. Right. Yeah, the joke book idea is the best example of that, right? Because most of what you write is shit, which took me forever to figure out. I was like, God, I just write shit. And then every now and then a gem. Like, ooh, and then you extract the gem.
But I've realized afterwards, it's basically like gold mining. Most of the time, you're not finding gold. You're finding garbage. And you only get to gold by going through garbage. Yeah. Sometimes I'll do a show. And it's terrible. New joke show. But then the next day the thing happens. And I think, oh, that's because I was digging all day yesterday. Yeah. It's the muse. You have to show up and request the muse's love.
I like that. Do you ever read Pressfield's War of Art? No. We have a stack of them out there. I'll give you a copy of it. It's a small book. Easy read. Jay Larson, comedian in L.A., recommended that book to me 10 years ago, and I never tackled it. It's really good. I used to have a stack of them in the studio where I'd give out to guests because so many comics, I was like, this is what you need.
What's the essence? I will read it. Also, you know what keeps freaking me out? There's a shooting star above my head. Yeah, there is. Every now and then one will fly above your head. What's the essence? The war of art. That makes it sound like it's a struggle to...
create art. Yeah. It's the struggle against resistance, which is procrastination, which is this thing that we all do before we actually write, which is so weird because I love... when i'm actually locked in and great ideas are coming it's one of the best feelings in the world like it's like somehow or another you're pulling these ideas out of nowhere and then it's your job to take this seed and try to go plant it on stage and try to water it and try to
over the course of many months, it'll become a great bit. And they just only come if you sit there. They only come if you sit there. And what he is saying is that you have to treat it like you're a professional. And you have to decide at 8 a.m. I will show up and I will be there for three hours. I will shut my phone off. I will lock in. This is what I do because I am a professional.
professional yeah and you literally make a prayer to the muse you you offer yourself to the muse you say I'm here to work I'm here to gather ideas i'm here to be creative and be open and you treat it that way whether or not the muse is real or not right that's kind of right you can get hung up on that but if you treat it like it's real it works Which is really crazy. I love that, and I don't do that. And early in my comedy career, I would go to the coffee shop at this time and start typing.
And I remember Tommy at the comedy store, he would say, every time I see you, you have new bits. And I would go, yeah, because I'm going. And now it's crazy. Life has gotten crazier. I don't make time for myself to do that, but I need to honor the muse, man. I like that. My move is when everyone's asleep in my house. Okay. Because I still, I get up pretty early for a comic. Yeah. You know, I'm up by eight.
Almost every day. Comics are unreal with that. Right. But that means that I can go to bed at one and still get seven hours of sleep. So that's what I do. Everybody in my house kind of goes to bed early. My kids go to school. My wife goes to bed early. So when everyone's asleep, it's just me and the dog. And either we're watching YouTube or I'm writing. And that's when I get my best work done. You write by hand? No.
I type. You type. Yeah. I feel like I can't write fast enough by hand. What I like about typing is that I don't have to look at the keys. I know how to type. So I can... Make a letter I can make a word very quickly I can like and I can like zone in to it But what I really like is a keyboard that I can feel
Like, I need travel in my keys. Yeah. You know, and these clickety-clickety-clickety little MacBook keys, those are bullshit. Okay. What you want is a keyboard that you don't have to look at because it's got, like, little divots where your finger sits. So I use a ThinkPad.
iPads have the best keyboards. They have travel. Each one has a couple of millimeters of travel. So it's a clickety-clickety-clickety. So my fingers know exactly where to go and I can just get into the zone. You're zoning right now. Yeah. But that's how I do it. I have a whole thing. The laptop that I write on, it has no apps. It never goes anywhere. It doesn't get email. I only allow myself to use the Bing search engine.
To find out what the, because most of the time if I'm writing about something like, you know, when was this discovered? What happened here? Who figured that out? It's normal facts. Daylight savings is coming. So we're about to lose an hour. And that means trying to speed up your morning. But.
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That's a trap for me. Frequently, I'll start typing. I was working on a bit recently that... All of these amazing men, these explorers, these achievers. The idea was, because I found out that Sir Edmund Hillary, Mount Everest's first man to climb Everest, he had like nine kids or something.
And the idea of the joke was, I don't even think he likes... climbing mountains i don't even think he enjoys outdoors it's that he's trying to get away from his family so then i looked up roger banister the guy who uh broke the four minute mile he had like seven kids i'm like i don't even think he likes ready he's just trying to run away from his family
But I remember writing that bit, and it's a funny bit. There might have been an Elon thing there. He has a lot of kids going to Mars, whatever. There's other stuff. But I would keep getting sidetracked by these Googles, right? I'd start typing a bit. Now I'm on Sermon Hillary's Wikipedia page. Now I'm gone. And that's a trap. That's tricky. It's procrastination. It really is. And you can get locked in. So the discipline is to keep it...
Stay on the bit, Costa. I would play this stupid game with myself. I'll just go on YouTube real quick and see if I get inspired by anything before I write. And then I'm watching two hours of muscle car builds. Right. Right. Oh, dude, it's wild. Watching people turn their Land Cruiser into an off-road vehicle. I would do motorcycle.
handlebars. I would find my motorcycle and then there would be like 20 different handlebar builds and stuff. What kind of motorcycle did you drive? I have a Triumph Bonneville 2011. It's in a... It's in storage in Pennsylvania now. I take it out. in the summer a lot but in la that's all that was what i used all the time you ride a motorcycle in la i did forever you know my wife doesn't really you know we have a family now but in pa i i ride it a lot um
And there it's deer, man. That's the scary thing there. They get very close. They're not afraid of cars or motor vehicles at this point. Well, there's a time between September-ish to December-ish where they're retarded because they're horny. Once it starts getting warm out, they start getting goofy.
And when you get cold like around November, that's when it really kicks in. Like if you're in Pennsylvania or Iowa, oh my god, I visited my friend John in Iowa and I'm driving down the road and every 15 seconds you're slamming on your brakes. Because something's dark.
They're all over the place. So they're horny and looking. Yes. Right. They're also getting chased. Right. So the bucks are chasing the females. And the females are just running out into traffic. Right. And the bucks are following them. Bang, bang. I mean, this is like men.
That night. Oh, yeah. Sixth Street, where my club is. Don't drive fast. That's why the road is closed on the weekends. They don't want people driving down Sixth Street with all these horny idiots. I love that they closed that, though. That's good. I didn't know that. It is great. But what scares me is like what happened in New Orleans where they have these roads where only people walk down and everyone knows it and this psycho.
Decides to kill a bunch of people. It's crazy that you have to think that way. But, I mean, there should be some sort of retractable posts that they can pull up. Wasn't there for that one, and it didn't... It wasn't up. It wasn't up. Yeah. In New York, you know, it's a big concrete slab. I was in France last year, and they had these huge flower pots with beautiful flowers in it.
And I said, you know, this is the New York version is a huge concrete slab that says NYPD on it. And this is the French version, which was this enormous, beautiful flower pie. Now that's serving a function and also beautiful. Yeah, well, the French know how to do things, right? They don't do it. Yeah, they party. They know how to party. They drink a lot of wine. They stay thin somehow or another, which is odd. Like, I hope RFK Jr. figures that out.
It seems to be full butter all the time. I go to Italy and it's also like the standard cliche, but it is true. You go there, you can eat the food and it doesn't affect you the same way. And we don't even think twice about it. We come back here and...
still order pizza and still feel like shit if i eat a pizza here i feel so bloated i ate a pizza in italy last summer and i ate the whole pizza too the whole margarita pizza i ate the whole fucking thing and i was like i just would just resign myself the thud of it hitting my digestive tract and feeling like I'm on Dramamine. I've resigned myself. I'm like, I'm eating pizza. Let's just do it. Nothing. Never came. Never came. Ate a whole pizza.
It was like this the rest of the day. I was like, this is crazy. I'm not even like sludgy. Brisket crushes me. Terry Black's put you down, son. I mean, I was at Houston. Steve Byrne was at the other club. You want to get lunch? Yeah, of course we go.
Get brisket. I went back to it. I slept for like three and a half hours. I mean, it is very delicious. Did you have sides, though? I don't remember what we were doing. I bet you had sides. You think it was the sides that did it? Yeah, I think it's mostly the starches and, you know, the carbs.
It's most like macaroni salad fatty delicious meat so good. Yeah, yeah Terry blacks in town. Okay. Oh my god They have a beef rib that is the most preposterous thing you pick the bone up in the ribs slides off the bone yeah i mean and when you slice into it's just juicy fatty smoky why is the meat falling off the bone such an important so tender it means it's been slow cooked perfectly
They have a thing where you want your brisket to fold but not break. So they take a slice of brisket and they put it over their hand. And if it breaks off, you fucked up. You've made a mushy brisket. But you want it where it's just folding. You know, like a thick cloth. There's a life metaphor there, too. Brisket, you want it right out, too. You want it, like, right after they slice it. You don't want to wait on brisket. You want to eat it while it's still warm. Look at that.
Oh, there's the fold. That guy's got his finger. Yeah. That's a perfectly cooked brisket right there. Dude, I learned. Every time I'm here, I learn. I remember the last time, dude, we... we were talking Italian billiards. I didn't even realize it was a different billiards. Oh, they have a bunch of different billiards. Yeah, but I mean, that's funny. I never had any idea about that brisket, but... You know, it was all originally Germans.
That they would do the brisket stuff? Germans who came over to Texas like Fredericksburg is one of the hubs of it It's all a bunch of Germans who came over here and they made smoked sausages and so they came over here and the brisket became a thing because
Brisket was not a choice cut. It was a thing that they would throw away like you wanted the steaks you wanted a t-bone you want So they would take the brisket and they just figured out like if you just slowly Cook it you render it down and break down all the the toughness of it, and at the end you have this delicious, tender, smoked perfection. That puts me to sleep. They know how to do it here, man.
They make the best fucking brisket on earth right here. Terry Black's, Franklin's, La Barbecue. There's like a bunch of spots in town. What's it, QB Barbecue's? That's the Egyptian joint that I went to with Action Bronson. that place is oh man having a meal with him would be super fun kb kg kg barbecue so this gentleman came from egypt
And he was like a finance guy, I think, in Egypt, just working a regular job. Came over here, fell in love with brisket, decided to just open up his own barbecue shop. And so this guy makes these incredible recipes with like... Egyptian and Middle Eastern spices, but with Texas barbecue. Oh my God, it was so good. It was so good. Cool story. And he's blowing up now. And he's just a super nice guy, too. Yeah, yeah. I love when someone does that. It's like, fuck this job.
You know what I want to do? I want to feed people. I want to make brisket, awesome brisket. I want to make a food truck. And this guy, it becomes so popular so quickly that this guy has a real business now. And he's got a restaurant. He's opening up a second one. That was my favorite.
part of living in los angeles it's easy to make fun of la for good reason but for the most part a lot of people were betting on themselves right and a talent they had yeah not everyone's but i do love that i always appreciated that yeah i like living in a place where people
We're definitely going for something and taking chances. The problem with LA is it also becomes attached with what is the engine that gets you to where you want to go. And sometimes that engine is like pure narcissism. Yeah, or fame. Yeah. the goal most of the time it's fame which fuels the narcissism yeah but um i think a more interesting question is
How do we find the thing that we're meant to do? That Egyptian finance man found that brisket is his calling. That's fascinating. In his 30s. In his 30s. With a career. Right. Right, with a career, making money, having health care, still decided to give it up. Living in Egypt, by the way. It's not even close to Austin, Texas. And he comes here, he doesn't just decide to make barbecue. He decides to make barbecue in the home of barbecue.
the place yeah yeah he's like it if you want to learn jujitsu go to brazil yeah he just he went right to the heart of it all i remember i was coaching tennis at university of michigan i was making 31 000 a year And I go, I think I can make this in comedy. If I'm going to get paid like shit, let me at least do what I want. So, of course, the first year I left, first year I did comedy, I made whatever, $6,000 or whatever. But...
I think often how much harder that would have been if I was making $100,000. Because I was poor, let's be poor and pick the thing I want to be doing. Oh, 100%. But that's the thing about youth. Youth is filled with, if you're 47 years old and you decide that you need to change careers, you're going to be a folk singer and you have a family. What are you talking about? You have a Volvo. You have a fucking mortgage, you idiot. You have to go to work. You have to go to work.
If you're going to make folk songs, you're going to make them on the two hours you have for yourself on the weekend when everybody else is out of the house. You don't have any time for that. Is it true that Rodney... Dangerfield found comedy so late like that? Well, Rodney did comedy and then quit, but kept writing and was selling aluminum siding. Right. That's what I remember, that story. And then remade it when he was like 46.
That's fucking awesome story. Yeah. How about Schimmel? Schimmel didn't even start until he was 36, which I thought was crazy. I remember what I heard because I was a giant Schimmel fan. Okay. And then when I had heard that he started when he was 36, I was like, what?
I didn't think you could do that. I thought you had to start when you were like 21. Yeah. Or you had no chance. I remember starting at 27 and wondering if it was too late. Right. Isn't that crazy? Or maybe it was 25. I forget. I wish I started at 27.
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I just had no opinions on anything. So all my jokes were basically about sex. It was like sex and relationships. Where were you at age 21? Boston. Boston. Okay. That's right. You were in, I was going to say, because you were at least in a good comedy scene. You could see.
Very good comedy. Yes. Yes. Yeah. You've talked about that. It was the best comedy scene. It was the best comedy scene because it was a comedy scene that had world class comedians that the rest of the country didn't know about. Right. So it was a cheat code. It was like you're in a gym. And you're sparring with world-class fighters like world championship caliber fighters that the rest of the world hasn't seen yet, right?
And that emerges sometimes in fight gyms. You have a bunch of elite fighters, and then all of a sudden there's three world champions in this gym two years later. That's what it was like in Boston, because there was these guys that were the Steve Sweeney's and the Don Gavins who were as good as... as anybody that's ever done comedy. And no one knew who they were outside of Boston. And you get to see them every night just murdering. Was their drive to get out? No. It was to make money, stay there.
Do coke and play golf. Those guys are partying. I remember the documentary about Boston comedy where they said they would pay comics and coke. It was a totally different kind of comedian. these big football player looking men right who were rowdy who partied all the time they were all heavy drinkers they all played golf they were all animals and they would go on stage and obliterate right when I say obliterate I mean these guys
would go on stage with a drink in their hand, and they had a fucking act that was as hammered as a samurai sword. It was polished. From the paws they would take to the eyebrow raise. Everything. And a lot of it was like local reference. Like local Boston stuff and They would bury these out-of-town comedians. I saw them bury Billy Crystal one night. Bury him. Bury. Death. Death. Satan was nipping at his heels and dragging him down into the netherworld. It was horrible. He was in hell.
I feel like when I started comedy, drinking was still big. Now I meet all the young comics and everybody's sober or they're thinking more about all the different facets. But when I started, there wasn't YouTube yet. Right. Comics talk shit in the green room a lot. Terrible. Yep. I went and did yuck yucks in Vancouver recently in the green room. There's a sign up that says we don't harass people in the green room. And I'm like, this is different.
This is different, you know? Well, Canada's just on another level with their wokeness. Canada's on another level, but... Come back to us, Canada. I remember driving down the road in Vancouver, and there's all these people just... Lining up.
And I go, what's going on? And said, oh, well, they're lining up for the bus that's about to come. And I'm like, that's Canadian. They're so polite. They're waiting. They know where the bus will be and they're lining up. That is not how it works in Brooklyn. And then before they get on the bus, they give their land acknowledgement. Before they step on the bus. Do you think that comedy with the polish, the local... I mean...
It feels like comedy is taking a different turn now. Now it's if a bit is kind of working, we post it. It's up. It's not polished. And I miss some of that. I miss some of that. There's some of that, but there's still guys like Louie who don't do that, and Attell doesn't do that. I get for young guys coming up, it's a very good way to develop an audience. There's guys that have a clip. The clip goes viral on TikTok.
All of a sudden they're selling out shows everywhere. Like a guy like Ralph Barboza. Yep. It's a funny guy. Yep. Gets a funny bit. It gets put up. Bam. All of a sudden he's headlining all over the country. And it happened to him like that. He was opening for me in Dallas before any of that.
And, you know, you always watch the opener. And normally I watch the opener like this, like, oh, this is just, is this what I have to go up after? Why didn't I bring my own guy? You know, whatever. And I'm sitting in the green room and I'm going, oh, that's a good bit. oh, that's a fun, oh, crowd's going to, and I'm going, this guy's got it. Yeah. And then six months later, I was like watching his special, right? Or it wasn't maybe a year later, but yeah.
I mean, that's a great example. He's a funny dude. Yeah, it's a great example of what can be done with social media today. There's a lot of bad ones. Like from Kill Tony, where they do one minute. And a lot of these one minute clips get... put into reels and then these guys are getting huge responses for this and now they're doing the killers of Kill Tony where they're selling out these huge places so it's it's amazing what can be done
But they don't have an act. They don't. Some of them do. Like Ari Matty's 12 years in. He was doing stand-up in Australia. I actually work with him in Australia in like... 2016, I think. Somewhere around then. 2015, somewhere around then. So Ari's been at it for a long time. So he's really good. He's a really solid comic. So he's headlining now because of this. Right.
But there's guys that are in it four or five years and they don't really have an act yet, but they have a couple of good jokes. But they'll figure it out. They'll figure it out. They'll figure it out. But you don't want to figure all of it out on video. In front of the whole world. That's what it is now. I'm so thankful that as soon as I could, I posted my first set on the internet. But that was seven years in. You couldn't even do it. Right.
I would have done it too soon. I mean, it still was too soon. But it's okay. You know, look, you go back and watch my first episodes of this podcast. They were fucking terrible. I encourage everybody to go back and watch them. They're dog shit. Where does one watch the first? I bet they're on YouTube.
They're on everywhere. They're somewhere. It's everywhere. But like when we first started doing it, I mean, there was no production value. I was boring, you know, and then you figure out how to do it. It's like stand up. It is everything else. Go back and watch someone's first amateur fight. They look terrible. They make mistakes. It is very beautiful to watch.
People get better at stuff. Yeah, there's a female tennis player right now named Andre Ava I forget how to pronounce her first name But I just watched her at Indian Wells and I saw her four years ago at the French Open Everyone was saying watching you want to watch Andre Ava and I'm I'm like, this is a child that doesn't know how to play the sport. Why are we talking about her? I watched her last week in absolute nightmare of a beast, you know, hitting the ball, the movement, her shape.
And it was like, oh, every day she got better. And to see that was nuts. I always go back and watch, oh my God, Novak Djokovic's first Grand Slam when he's got like the worst haircut and the baggy shirt and the backhand was looking different. Now, it's just amazing to see how these athletes evolve. And I'm sure it's the same for fighters. You mentioned it.
Sure, yeah. I love seeing that. Yeah, well, tennis is like all things, right? Yes. When you really do it, then you can truly appreciate people who are great. Yes. There's so many things that are like in martial arts. It's a big... Especially when things go to the ground a lot of times people don't understand
how difficult a specific maneuver is, like how he did that, how he baited him with that. And then you have to like, well, there's certain things I watch when I'm like, Oh my God, does everybody appreciate this? That was insane. That was a language. It's a language. And if you don't speak the, I mean, And when I don't speak MMA language, but that's where good commentators come in. Oh, they're excited for a reason. That was something that we don't see very often, and that helps me.
I assume that's how it works for tennis people or for non-tennis people when they're watching tennis. Oh, I'm sure. But I think only a person like you, who is a professional, could appreciate the technique involved and the changing of Djokovic's backstring. I mean, I...
I pause it. I make my wife come into the living room, and I say, watch this. And she'll watch, and she'll go, that was good. And I go, are you even seeing what he did? He did a short slice to pull him in, and then he went, and it's like, but it's a language that I speak.
This is life, man. Picking these little things we have that we get passionate about is just awesome. As I've gotten older, I used to shy away from tennis a little bit. It's an elite sport. It's got its own history. And now I'm just like, I fucking love it. I love that I'm good at it.
I love that I know it. The Wookiees pushed you away from tennis? No, the Wookiees that pushed you away from tennis. It sounds like it did. It sounds like it was a little too elite. It was a little too country club, a little too segregated. It definitely is those things. No, I think what happens... It doesn't have to be. It doesn't have to be. And that's why Serena and Venus were such a fun fuck-up to the sport. Do you know the Freeway Ricky Ross story? No.
Freeway Ricky Ross was a guy who, you know Rick Ross the rapper? Yes. He named himself after a famous cocaine dealer in Los Angeles called Freeway Ricky Ross. Freeway Ricky Ross was selling cocaine unbeknownst to him for the CIA to fund the... Contras versus the Sandinistas. Okay, yeah. So this is the cocaine cowboy type stuff, isn't it? Type stuff, but this was about Oliver North. This was all about funneling money into the war. He was a tennis player.
Again elite tennis, but I couldn't even read Couldn't read and was this really good tennis player who that was like what he was his hope for a scholarship, right? Gets involved start selling cocaine start selling a lot of cocaine. I'm sure doesn't know how he's so successful because he's working with the CIA goes to jail learns how to read when he's in jail becomes a lawyer in jail gets himself off because they
They tried him on three strikes, but they did it for one incident. So they did it incorrectly, and so he gets out of jail. So incarceration educated him to the point where he got himself out. But his origins are as a tennis player. He's a tennis player, like a really good tennis player.
You know, Menendez brothers, excellent tennis players. One of them played at UCLA. Maybe not the best example. I'm talking about a guy from South Central LA who can't read. Just to say it's not necessarily an elitist. It's just a sport. I agree all you need is a court. You mean it seems pretty cheap You need a flat surface a tennis racket and a ball like let's go the kids that were beating me when I was a pro Played on a dirt court
with a rope tied between two sticks. These South American and Russian players, it was not a money sport. It was not a sport of money. It was a sport of movement and competition. And because there's no clock... You can have as much time as you want to figure out and beat down your opponent.
That gets a certain type of athlete. I think it was Jimmy Connors who said, I didn't lose. I just ran out of time in that match. I would have figured it out. But unfortunately, he beat me. Yeah, what happened with me, I... I was trying to be a stand-up comic that I was trying so badly that I was trying to remove the athletic stigma. Even now, you sometimes say tennis and people kind of back up.
But as I got better at comedy and more confident in my abilities, I said, why am I shying away from the sport that I love and that is such a foundational part of me? Isn't that weird that you felt like you had to move away from athletics in order to fit in in comedy? That's probably a more succinct way to say it. And the new book that's out right now, Lucky Loser, is all about how...
I'm now embracing this tennis because it gave me all the skills to actually be good in comedy. Of course. Yeah. Discipline, realizing, like the tennis player that you were talking about, that if you do put in the work over time, the results will pay off and you'll see it. And... You're alone. Yeah. Figure that shit out by yourself. You're alone and you're going to have no teammates success and failure. When I was when I was eight years old, I lost in the finals of the Ann Arbor Junior Open.
And I realized I was going to lose. And I started crying on the court. And my older brother runs on the court and holds me like a child. I'm crying. There's a picture of that in the book. Now as a parent. I'm going, who the fuck took that picture? Right? I'm just a kid crying and my brother's holding me because my parents taking that picture. They did it for the gram. But man, as a comic, holy shit, we've all felt like that.
Oh, man, it's so personal when you fail as a comic. Well, it's important to learn how to lose at things and everything. If you marry your high school sweetheart and you guys never broke up, you probably missed out on me. Congratulations on achieving the most difficult thing humanly possible that everybody admires, right? When you meet a couple and like I have two friends of mine that have actually been dating since they were like 16 years old and now they're married with kids in their 40s.
Congratulations. But... I think there's some value in getting your ass kicked. I think there's some value in a girl saying, no, I don't even like you. Like, no, you don't like me? You know, I think it's good getting dumped is good. I think all that's valuable.
think you have to learn and I don't think you learn by winning all the time and I don't think you learn if something's easy which is why really handsome and really beautiful people are often ridiculous in the way they behave that's true because they have five ace And they didn't earn them. They were just born with five aces. So how do you instill grit, toughness in a generation? As a parent, I see my five-year-old struggling.
I oftentimes pop in. Let me get that for you. You know, she's trying to do little things, trying to do the buttons on her shirt. And I do it for her, and I think I shouldn't do it for her. She should be struggling to do this. But this is a big issue right now, right? The younger generation, you hear that word grit.
How do we instill that? Well, sports is a great way to do it. It's a great way to do it. It doesn't work with everybody because some people play sports and they come out even cuntier. Yeah, they come out more aggressive or more competitive or more psychotic in their pursuits and it just alienates everything else in their life. Or it creates trauma for them. Not real trauma, but... Or real trauma. Fucking head trauma if you're playing football. Yeah. Yeah, there's...
I think difficult things are important for kids. It doesn't necessarily have to be that it could be art. It could be music. It could be something But I think there's something when you put your attention to something and realize you can get better at this thing and you find yourself in that
and you find your potential in that thing that you focus on. It's not necessarily that it has to define you, because oftentimes it does, unfortunately. When people are really good at a thing, it becomes the whole essence of who they are as a person. it's a valuable tool for elevating your human potential
And it's also a way that you can quantify effort versus results. And you can do that in sports and games and think chess and art and things that are difficult. Like you could say, like, I am so much better at playing guitar now because. I've been playing three hours a day for six months and look at what I can do now. So I know that there's a thing and it teaches you that if there's a thing that you really love and you focus on it.
That thing, if someone does it for a living, why can't you? Yeah. Why can't you? Yeah. Why do I have to be in this fucking bullshit office in this cubicle with these stupid papers that I don't give a shit about that I have to fill out for this company that I don't give a fuck about? You're sensitive info. does a lot of traveling to places you can't control. It goes through payroll, your accountant or your tax consultant, and countless other data centers on its way to the IRS.
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your first year call 1-800 life lock and use the promo code joe rogan or go to life lock.com slash joe rogan for 40 off terms apply i I agree with you. Some things we will improve upon faster based on our natural abilities. I loved the way DJs used to seamlessly transfer one song to the other, beat matching, whatever that was called. I asked for two turntables for Christmas. I obsessed over it.
I fucking sucked at it, dude. I couldn't do it. I tried so hard. And then I'm thinking, I pick up this tennis racket and it all kind of clicks very quickly. Well, you have a good frame for tennis, first of all. Thank you. So you're tall and long, which really helps. You can reach stuff that other people can't reach. You don't think I don't have a good frame for DJing? You have like a foot more space. Look how much wider you are.
are pretty long and yours are like a foot more. Dude, if Pete Sampras did this, the greatest server. Oh, yeah. I mean, don't they say that this is the same height? I think so. I think they say that this is your height also. Is that what it is? Well, I always heard that from here to here is your foot. I saw that I'm a pretty woman. But I mean, Pete had like...
Extra length. Yes. And people go, how did he get the pop on the serve? Torque. Like Tommy Hearns with his punches. Tommy Hearns was so long and tall. Like Deontay Wilder is another example. Those long, tall guys, when you have this torque. Like, you ever see Deontay Wilder? No. He's arguably the greatest one-punch knockout artist in the history of the heavyweight division. At one point in time, he was like...
What is Deontay's record? I think it's like 40, and he's had a few losses recently. But at one point in time, he had like 39 knockouts. Out of 40 fights. Jesus. Which is insane. And these are professional fighters he's knocking out. It's not me. And he's undersized for the heavyweight division. When he fought Tyson Fury, Tyson Fury was like 260. He was 209. 209. You made it to 40 and 0. 40 and 0, and 39 of those 40 were knockouts. Were knockouts. Look at everybody. Knockout. TKO.
TKO. KO. He knocked out everybody. Get the Luis Ortiz fight. Show him the Luis Ortiz fight. Forgive this extremely ignorant question. When you say knockout, that means like the guy's done. That's not like the ref calls it. TKO is the ref calls it. Knockout is like it's over.
Like you got flatlined. And these are guys that know how to take hits. Elite guys. Yeah. Well, this guy, Luis Ortiz, was on the Cuban Olympic team. He's a fucking elite fighter. And he was really durable. And so Deontay, see, he's the one with his back to us. He's long. tall, but he's not giant. He's not a big guy in comparison to a lot of these guys. But he catches him with a right hand and flattens him. I think this is the first time they fought Jamie.
Yeah, the second one is the KO with one punch. So he beat him up in the first fight, too. But Ortiz is an elite boxer, and Deontay's not the best boxer. He's just a hitter. And he's just waiting, waiting, waiting. blam yeah and he hits guys and they're like what the fuck here it is watch this wow that yeah it just collapses it didn't even seem like it was that hard of a hit and this is an elite heavyweight yeah show it again
Show it again. Because it's so crazy. It's just one punch. It's just black. See, Wilder just waits, waits, waits. It's all waiting. It's not boxing. Yeah, it's right. He's just waiting. Waiting for his chance. Look at that record. Right here. Blunk. Unbelievable.
When you got that kind of power, that is so crazy. That's crazy. It's hard for me to even wrap my head around. See if they show it in the replay because he hits him on the forehead, which is so crazy just before that. Watch this. Right there. Just before it, Jamie. Okay, here it is. Watch this. He hits him on the forehead, man. Not punching. Waiting. He's just waiting. He's just waiting. He's just pawing at him with his left hand. And boom!
Oh, my God. Look at that. Bro. But it's all that torque and length and leverage and just... god-given power like nobody has jeez and the slow motion is so crazy the slow motion camera that is so crazy and look at the torque look at the wide shoulders
And the timing and the speed and watch just straightens out right on his fucking noggin. Boom! You know, and these... And the follow through with the shoulder, oh my goodness. In these sports, like... mixed martial arts too these sports aren't for me because one punch it's done oh yeah meaning meaning i like watching that meaning i wouldn't have been a good uh
athlete in that sport why do you think that well like in tennis what I love is if you're just bombing aces after the first set clean slate we start all over again and in boxing You make one mistake.
Like that, and it's done. Well, against that guy. Against that guy. But that's very unusual. Most guys can't do that. They can't do that. Most guys can hit you pretty hard. You would take a hard hit, but you could recover. That's crazy. That's crazy. That's crazy. Deontay's like in a world of his own.
And he's also in a world of his own, again, because he's not big. Like, there's Daniel Dubois, who is the—he's—I forget which division he's a champion of right now. But he's a giant heavyweight who knocks everybody out. But he's 250— 260, built like a tank. Deontay's literally 40 plus pounds lighter than that. Crazy. And just one punch. Blah! I liked how...
We watched a lot of that, and he hadn't even thrown a punch. He's a hitter. He's a hitter. He's there to kill you. He's not going to outbox you and be slick. In fact, his movement is sometimes awkward. He's criticized for having bad footwear. His legs look like...
sticks yeah he has the skinniest legs you've ever seen in your life like it's crazy like you look at his legs like how yeah how yeah but the power this guy generates is out of this world so his software during a fight is just constantly trying to find the open for one of these huge punches. That's the whole time he's doing. He's not boxing you. I mean, he's boxing kind of, but he's really looking for the big one. And you know if that big one lands, it's nighty night for everybody!
The only buddy who's able to survive it is Tyson Fury because he's a fucking animal. And he rose from the dead in the 12th round of their fight where it looked like Deontay had knocked him out cold. Deontay even went like that at the end of it. Because he hit him with a right hand and then a left hook as he was going down. and he went flat out on his back and Tyson Fury rose like the undertaker and got right back and won the rest of the round. But that's just because he's a...
That's another very, very rare human being, Tyson Fury, just an animal. Jesus. Just an animal. One of the greatest boxers of all time. And one of the greatest heavyweights, without a doubt, of all time. When you get hit like that, there's got to be... an enormous physical pain, duh. But then there also is like...
Don't you get scared then after a big hit? Well, you get super confused. You get confused because I would get scared. You got to kind of shake off the cobwebs. Your ears are ringing. Your legs don't work right anymore. When you get knocked down, I only got... TKO'd once in a kickboxing fight and ironically it didn't hurt. The punch that hit me just twisted my jaw. He hit me with a left hook and my legs just gave out like weep.
Like, gone. It's the craziest feeling. It's not like you got hurt. It's like your legs just shut off. Right. Like, he clipped me with a left hook that I didn't see in an exchange. And when you get hit on the jaw, something happens.
in the jaw and I don't know what it is with the nerves behind your neck but it just shuts everything off right and you're conscious which is weird like so it was completely conscious but my legs just like disconnected and went down but they reconnected right away and I got up
I was like, oh, no, I'm in trouble. They weren't working good. Everything wasn't working good. And then I got dropped again. He hit me with an uppercut and dropped me, and then the referee stopped the fight. Totally conscious the whole time. But the feeling that you get when you get hit real hard is real.
weird it's like nothing works right anymore yeah and you got to get on your bike and try to move around and get everything working again it might take 30 seconds before 30 seconds when he's also trained to kill you now in the UFC
It's way more accurate because when you get knocked down, they climb on top of you and beat your fucking brains in or strangle you. Which is really what's supposed to happen. The whole thing of letting someone get up, what you're really doing is giving them a chance to get more damage.
true because they can recover but not all the way you know sometimes sometimes the guy gets rocked early in a fight and you can tell for the whole rest of the fight they're still fucked up and they're they're very defensive so it's safer in your opinion the way UFC does it, where if you start wobbling, I'm immediately on you trying to kill you. And then it's like, as opposed to boxing where they would get you up and you maybe... I don't think either one is safe. I think it's an unsafe sport.
It's as safe as we can make it. We have laws when you can hit someone, you can't hit them in the back of the head. But it's not safe. It's a very dangerous, very scary sport. But I think... Realistically when someone gets hurt and someone finishes them off on the ground, that's probably less damage than they would have taken if you gave them a standing eight count, dusted their gloves off, made them move forward, and let them go back again and get really mollywalled.
You know because a lot of times those were in the real bad chaos come from was when a guy's hurt and he stands up and The only thing I can even closely compare this to is being in a car accident. Yeah, and I Let me show you one of the greatest examples of that. Alex Pereira, who was a two-division glory world champion. Pull up Alex Pereira KO's Jason Willness. So he...
He's like the most destructive kickboxer in the history of sport and he went over to the UFC became a two-division UFC champion Just lost his title last weekend in a really close fight great fight But he hits this guy with a head kick and drops him. And you can tell this guy's fucked. But they give him the standing eight because he's in kickboxing, not in MMA. They give him the standing eight count, dust his gloves off. You okay? Come for it. And then he gets hit with a flu.
lying knee on the chin and just sent into the shadow realm. Right. And it didn't need to happen this way. And this is what happens when you take a guy who's like really rocked and kind of fucked. So watch this. So he catches him with a head kick. So he's, by the way, Jason Welles had beaten him twice before, so he drops him with the left hand. Is this the first fight? Or is this the head kick? I don't know.
I don't know if this is the one. I think this is the one when they went back and forth. I don't think this is the one where he KOs him. I think this is the one where he drops him. Yeah, try to find the later one. This is it. This is the one because I can tell by his haircut so
Pereira at this time was the champion and he was getting revenge on Willness who had beaten him before and stopped him with low kicks in one of their fights. So he head kicks him. Boom! So right now, he's fucked. In an MMA, he would follow up, beat him a couple times and that would be it. But Willness is like...
They're giving him a chance to clear his head. And you're coached to, like, get up immediately, show that you're okay. Right. Yeah, and he's like, move forward to watch this. Boom! Oh, my God. Yeah, that's the kind of shit that happens when you're really already fucked. so he can hit you with this flying scissor knee.
Right on the chin. What the fuck is that, dude? And he's the most ferocious knockout artist literally in the history of the sport. Look at this. On the chin. And that's like legal and everything. Oh, yeah. It's encouraged. It's not just legal. Celebrated that's one of the greatest techniques in the history of the sport and Alex Pereira That's how he won his first UFC fight. He won with that I see another nasty one pull up Pereira chaos Michaelitis
You want to see another nasty one? So this is Pereira's first entrance into the UFC. And I'm a giant fan of kickboxing. So I watch Muay Thai. I watch Dutch kickboxing. I watch Glory. I watch everything I can about kickboxing. And I knew this guy was really special. So I was completely hyping him up.
this first UFC fight I'm like just watch yeah and he he came through in flying colors and he came through with that flying knee and it's it's so nuts the amount of power this guy can generate and with punches and with kicks but with a flying knee you have so much torque you're literally
throwing your body weight up into the air. So how do you avoid a flying knee? Just step out of the way? It's in the second round, Jamie, so it's right after this. Like right at the beginning of the second round. Yeah, so they start the second round and he's like, fuck this dude. I'm just going to catch him coming in and flatline him. This is... Watch this. I mean, this is nutty. Here it is. Oh my god. That is so fast. He's such a fucking animal.
He's such a monster dude. So how would you even how you can't block that you just try to get the fuck out of the way of that You don't want to block that because if you're well you'd certainly should block it rather than take it on the chin But once he's in the air like that your arms, you could break your forearm.
I mean, the amount of power that's involved in that particular technique is fucking extraordinary because it's a natural movement of your hips. It's a thing that you do your whole life, running and jumping. So you can explode very quickly. And you're hitting someone with your knee, which is the most immobile part. If you want to hit someone with a joint, it's elbows and knees, but the knees preferable. But aren't you putting yourself in a vulnerable position to throw a fly?
Yeah, you gotta wait till guys fuck right, and that's what he does He waits till you're fucked because if you could you are jumping in the air exposing yourself So what I would do is I would I would move out of the way Joe and then I would pop them I would pop them but some guys are just really good like John Jones when he
won the light heavyweight title one of the craziest things that John did he was 22 years old and he's fighting Mauricio Shogun Hua who is a legend he was a light heavyweight champion he was a legend of this organization called Pride in Japan where they sold out like 90 1000-seat arenas. I mean, he's a real legend of the sport. And John opens with a flying knee. Opens. First move. Flying knee. Catches him.
And then just beats the shit out of him and wins the title and becomes the youngest ever UFC champion. That's a great name. Watch this. This is the beginning of the fight. Now, Shogun is, like I said, he's a fucking legend and a knockout artist. And John starts right away. Boom! Flying knee to open up the fight. And just put on a clinic.
put on a clinic and won the title at 22 years of age. That's a ballsy move to start with that. He's a ballsy motherfucker. Yeah, that's a big swing right out of the gate. Yeah, that's a crazy move. But some guys can pull it off, and it helps being tall. Like, Alex is very tall. John's tall, so it's hard to hit their chin. But, you know, it doesn't always work. Like, sometimes guys do it, and they get knocked out cold. How does your fucking kneecap not break, too? It doesn't.
No, your kneecap versus chin. I'll take kneecap all day long. Especially when your knee's bent and you're hitting them with this part right here. You can hit that pretty hard on things. You'd be surprised. I have so much respect for these athletes, and I'm also... I can't be far enough away from it. Want to see it go wrong? I want to show you the flying knee go wrong. Pull up Fedor Emelianenko versus...
Oh, Andrei Arlovsky, I'm sorry. You want to see a flying Niko, Rob? Yeah, Andrei Arlovsky, Fedor Milianenko. So this is, Andrei Arlovsky was actually winning this fight, and he actually was kind of tuning Fedor up, and he was hitting him with some big shots, and he got a little crazy. And he leapt in with a flying Niko.
knee and got flatlined. Well, that's what I'm... This is what you would do. That's what I was thinking. This is what I would do. No, but I was thinking this is a vulnerable position. You don't want to be in the air. True. So he's fighting the guy with the bald head. That's Fedor Emelianenko, who's a legend. So watch Arlovsky. He catches him with a kick. He's feeling cocky. Tries the flying knee. Boom! Oh, shit. Flatlined.
But he's fighting, and Fedor, that's literally the greatest heavyweight of all time. If not one of the greatest. There's the argument that he's the greatest. So he catches him on the chin as he's leaping in. Like, perfect punch. So the guy with the beard thought...
He thought he was vulnerable. He was beating his ass a little bit. And he made a mistake. And he tried to come in cocky with a flying knee, and he got clipped on the jaw. Oh, my God. And as soon as he gets hit, you just see his flying knee knee just drop. Also, you've got to think where Fedor threw that punch, because Fedor knew he was...
going in the air this is like the reads this guy's able to get he sees Arlovsky make a motion like bend at the knees like he's gonna launch himself so if you look at where he punches him he punches him so high up in the air so he knew where his head was going to be. Look at that. Look how high he's... See it? He's ducked down and Orlowski's way up in the air and he catches him perfectly on the chin.
That is just an understanding of positioning, where a guy's going to be, and what the timing of your punch is. This is reminding me of the way Roger Federer would notice his opponent would...
Quarter of an inch open up his grip on the run and Roger would know forehand slice is coming I'll sneak in and pop and now it's much different sport obviously really, but it's reading the grip yeah, dude if you just typically he does it like this and this time he's doing it tiny boom they go wow what's what's so different about tennis obviously is then you just volley the ball for a winner it's 15 love you don't get head kicked you don't get fucking knocked out i mean this is why this this shit
Fascinates me, but... The consequences are so great that people look at it as a barbaric, horrific thing, which is valid. I understand why pacifists and people who are very peaceful don't want to have anything to do with violence. I get it. But what it is to me is the ultimate problem solving. Yeah.
It's problem solving. You have a person in front of you that is doing all of these things to try to throw you off. They're feinting you. They're moving. They're switching stances. They're shooting in for takedowns that they don't want so they can catch you with a punch on the way in. There's so many variables you have to think about. So it's just like high level problem solving with dire physical consequences. Yeah. I love sport because it teaches life lessons with very low stakes.
But in these sports, there's high stakes. And that's very interesting for me because I would much rather my kid play soccer or tennis, learn some important lessons with low stakes. But this type of thing... That is serious stakes, man. It is serious stakes. I think kids, especially boys, should all learn how to fight so that they don't ever fight. That's what I think. I, as a 45-year-old grown man, I wish I would have learned how to fight.
And I think it's probably not too late. It's not too late. I know you got a gym over here. Yeah, I was telling you, you could get into jiu-jitsu. You'd be great at it. You have long limbs, you're athletic. So that's what I should be doing. Long limbs are huge for jiu-jitsu because there's certain things that you'll be able to catch that other people can't.
catch with shorter limbs like a darse choke so a darse choke is so say if you come to grab me and you have your head here and your arm wraps around me like this i can shove my arm under like this go off the side of your neck and clamp it like this, and now I've got you in a wicked choke. It's called a DARS choke. You will be way better at that than me because you have an extra six inches that you could seal this thing up. Okay.
Your hand will go further than mine. You'll be able to grab it deeper than I can. Dude, I'm writing down Darce Choke. Yeah. And what I'll do tonight on my YouTube is I'll watch some Darce Chokes. Yes. And I... And then you do it the other way. It's an anaconda.
So you either go armpit this way, it's a darse, or you go head this way, armpit that way, it's an anaconda. And with the anaconda, you roll like an anaconda and you squeeze them deeper into the choke. And I just squeeze until the referee says it's over. long legs. You could wrap around their body to secure them in place. You could grab a hold of one of their legs so they can't turn away from you. You could turn into them and fucking keep the squeeze on. Dude, you'd be wicked at it.
In a competition that happens until the ref calls it or do I go? The person taps out most of the time. They tap out. Most of the time you tap out because you know it's over. You know it's over. If you're a psycho, you go to sleep. And there are a lot of psychos who just let people choke them unconscious.
That happens all the time. Guys just say, fuck it. I'm going to get choked unconscious and they just go out. And then the referee stops you. Hopefully. Hopefully. Hopefully. But sometimes the referees miss it and sometimes someone's out for like seconds while someone's still fucking squeezing the shit out of their neck.
And then the referee finally figures it out. The person's like in the shadow realm. I do absolutely love that in these sports there's this extreme violence, high stakes, but then also a simple tap. Yes. Is a mutual agreement. 100%. That's fucking awesome. And if you don't stop when someone taps, you will get kicked out of the sport. Yeah. There's a guy named Husamar Paul Harris who is one of the scariest motherfuckers to ever fight because he was a leg lock specialist.
And what he would do is rip your knees apart And he wouldn't let go when you tapped. And he got kicked out of the UFC for it. Wow. Because he did it to so many people. He was known for not letting go. Right. And these guys would be screaming in agony and slapping and tapping. Saying I'm out. And he would be still twisting. He was built like a human pit bull. He was like 5'7", 185 pounds of solid muscle, and he would just dive on your legs and roll into these positions and rip your knees apart.
A heel hook is so terrible because your knee has a lot of strength going forward and backwards, but it has almost none going side to side. So they isolate the top of it with their legs. They wrap the heel into the crook of their elbow.
And then they wrench that motherfucker apart. It's literally twisting your knee apart. And it's... terrifying oh my god and he cripples people like you are fucked he'll tear your acl your mcl your meniscus you're gonna go a whole year before you can fight again you're gonna have to get surgery to reconstruct your knee and then your knee's never gonna be the same because your Niscus is shot now. And maybe some of your cartilage. So this is him. I don't know. I don't know. Oh, I don't know.
So this is a fight that he had against David Avalon. And this is fucked because they stopped the motion and they put him back into the same position. And when they put him back into the same position, he doesn't let go. So he holds on to the heel hook and just wrenches the fucking shit out. Like this right here. Ah! He let go there. He let go there because I think they were like...
chastising him to make sure. Look at that. Look at what he does. I don't want to look, really. And look at the build on this guy. Paul Harris was a fucking specimen. And he's trying to turn the knee sideways. He's ripping this shit apart right here, man. He's...
pulling it backwards. It's backwards and at a slight angle. I mean, this is horrific. And look at the build on Paul Harris. Imagine the fucking force, the size of this guy's legs, the size of his torso, and perfect technique. And he's just... ripping his fucking knee apart. That's a nasty knee bar right there. That was so horrible to watch. But in MMA, he wound up getting kicked out of the UFC because I think it was Mike Pierce. See if you can find the Mike Pierce fight.
It might not have been Pierce at one of these fights. I love that the tap... Generally speaking, it does. Of course. But in this case, the Mike Pierce one, he's screaming and tapping, and Paul Harrods is still ripping it apart. I mean, one of my favorite parts of tennis is how they'll battle for five and a half hours, and then they calmly walk. So here it is. Look. He's tapping. Watch. So he gets it. He's tapping, and he won't let go. Still, when the referee's on him, he's still yanked on it.
So that extra second will just rip your shit apart. So he taps immediately. See, none of this has to happen. He was tapping immediately. I feel like the ref was on that. I know, but it's like Paul Harris doesn't give a fuck. He's out for blood. I mean, he had a crazy childhood. He grew up on a farm with no food. He's feral. He's feral. And he's super technical. Which would serve you, I'm sure. Oh, yeah. Well, until you get kicked out of the sport. God, it's incredibly violent.
but also systematic in its understanding of the human body. We're going to know that the knee doesn't go this way. No, it's really, really technical. All sports are like this, actually. Yeah, I think all sports at the highest levels, they have to be like that because you only get so far with genetics and so far with natural speed and endurance. There's certain aspects of it that require a careful, considered study. And wouldn't you, if you know...
Oh, your opponent is a guy that likes to do the... Wouldn't you then in your training work on defending that and also making sure your knee can withstand more of that than normal? No, you're not going to be able to do that. There's no special knee pill you can take. You've got to tap when you get into those positions.
And you've got to make sure that you don't get into those positions, which is the most important thing. The tapping must be so humbling as a fighter because you've trained so hard. You want to win so badly, and yet you have to do this thing. You have to press the eject button. Well, hopefully you will tap.
guys haven't tapped and they've gotten their arms broken in half and I've seen quite a few of those including legends like Frank Mir one time he too much pride you mean to tap yeah yeah because he fought Antonio Noguera who was another legend who was
former heavyweight champion of Pride, and he caught him in a Kimura and snapped his upper arm, and we watched his arm crack and then go limp, and you could see where it was cracked up here. Oh, it was horrific. That's terrible. So hard to watch. When you're commentating...
Are you... present moment completely oh yeah yeah like you're just you're not you're not thinking like uh it's not like these baseball commentators were like i got a story i'll tell later in this no no because it is that yeah great no great especially not while the actual fight is going on the act fight is life and death. You have to be locked in. But Daniel Cormier, my...
So there's like two color commentators, me and Daniel Cormier, and there's John Anik, who's the play-by-play guy. Me and Daniel fuck around a lot. We joke around a lot about stuff. Because he's like a fun guy. But when things are serious, we're serious. You have to be like...
you know this is like you're representing these people's hard work you're trying to like put words to I love that yeah you have to be very serious about it Because the stakes are so high and it's wild, though, that people might know you. if they're just being introduced to you as the commentator for that and maybe don't know the other stuff. Well, it's confusing for sure. But it's also like, it's one of the things that I'm most impressed with by what...
You do is as someone that has this passion for tennis. I'm like It's so cool how you dive into a completely different world. Yeah You just can't apologize for it. You can't wonder what other people think about it. You just have to be yourself. And I grew up a martial artist. Martial arts is an enormous part of my life. It's an enormous part of like how I became who I am Yeah, so for me like commentating on martial arts. You're not a comedian who then
switched over to martial arts because it served you. It's your foundation of who you are, and you also happen to be a comedian and podcast host. Yeah, but I'm not interested in being funny. I'm just trying to do that. I've done commentary on professional pool, too. Whoa, it is. I play pool. Yeah, like yeah, I play pretty good Yeah, so I really understand what the game and I know what's going on So I've done commentary on that too. What's the same thing? What's your favorite pool movie?
The Hustler. The Hustler. The only answer to that question is The Hustler. I thought The Color of Money had a run. It's okay. It's okay. The Color of Money is good. It's a good tournament movie. It's a good movie. You know, there's some things in it. And because Paul Newman was in it, you know, it kind of gave it some.
validity, because it was the same Walter Tevis novel as The Hustler, The Color of Money. It was very different. The book was very different, though. But yeah, The Color of Money was great because it got a lot of people playing pool again, but The Hustler is just an amazing film. Like the actual film itself is amazing. It's like Piper Laurie is incredible in it. It's just George C. Scott is in it. Jackie Gleason plays Minnesota Fats.
By the way, Jackie Gleason was a real pool player. He's probably the only guy that's ever played a pool player in a movie that really could play. My brother once got a book for Christmas called How to Hustle Your Friends a Pool. It was in our basement. We had a pool table. But it was one of those things, same, that I worked at it. I could never get it right.
And eventually the other things came more naturally to me, but it is fun. Pool is something that if you really want to play right, you have to get coached. Okay. Yeah. It's just like tennis, I'm sure. It's like you can develop some bad habits and bad fundamentals that you're never going to pass a certain level of play. But I think it's like everything. I think it's like chess.
tennis, it's like, you know, Schultz was in here the other day and he's into this sport, Paddle. Have you seen Paddle? Is this P-A-D-E-L? Yes. Oh, is it Paddle? Well... I've heard Padel. It depends on how pretentious you want to be. Perfect. Of course. Or if you're Spanish. Or if you're Spanish. Oh, did they say Padel? That's where it's from, yeah. Oh, well, why don't we call it Padel, then? That's because Schultz said that's what they did. He said paddle. He said paddle.
New Yorker. Yeah. So, you know, tennis has had this great historical run on elite racket sports. And then pickleball has been this counter response to tennis. Silly. Ball, loud noise, don't really have to move much. And pickleball has been taking off. I don't know if you've played or if you've seen it. Kid Rock plays every day. Okay, perfect. He gets up at 8 in the morning and plays pickleball with his trainer. That is exactly.
My point, okay? I was in Scottsdale, Arizona recently. I did an hour of pickleball. The community there had music going, cracking beers. Costa, come over, play with us. Very fun. Very fun. I then go over to the other side and play tennis, which is my sport. And no joke. This older couple says, you're talking too loudly on the courts, right? It's this beautiful dichotomy of these two sports. I don't know if pickleball's a sport. But Padel comes along and seems to be...
this middle ground. What I don't like about pickleball is you get to what they call the kitchen line and you can't move anymore. You're frozen. So you just stand there frozen and you knock the ball around. I like a sport. I want 360-degree movement. I don't want the dimensions of the court to restrict my movement or the rules of the game. Padel seems to be both. It's tennis.
but it's in this box and they sometimes run outside of the box. I mean, it's fucking insane. And I've actually never played, but the points never end because you're on this, this. I just see people blowing their ACLs out. He's going outside the box. I know. That's nuts. That is nuts. So it almost seems gimmicky to me. That's funny that Andrew plays. But I would like to play this. And look, you know, also.
One of the best things that happened for racquet sports is HDTV, dude. When you were a kid watching Jimmy Connors, John Mack, you never even see the fucking ball. Right, right, right. It's the same color as the court. Right. And this shit now is unbelievable to watch. Yeah. That's like what they've done with...
hockey where they highlight the puck? I love that shit. That's a game changer. Now I know what's going on. At first people made fun of it and I was like, I need... And in hockey with the...
Substitution's on the fly. I never know who the fuck's on the ice. Yeah. I love that though. I love that they do that. That's so cool. I've been watching professional lacrosse lately. Once I realized they could beat the fuck out of each other. I didn't know that they could fight like they do in hockey. I didn't know they could fight.
They fight and they wear shoes, which is crazy because now you're bare knuckle boxing in the middle of a game. What does the shoes have to do with it? What do you mean? Get grip.
oh you mean like like a cleated shoe right well the difference between running around on ice skates you're sliding around the fighting is like yeah they're fighting but they're kind of compromised because they can't really like you know good skaters can kind of hold it's not like having grip with your shoes and being able to really you could really hurt people yeah they're beating the shit out of each other i'm like wow lacrosse lacrosse always kind of had the like douchey
Rich kids sport, but it is incredibly... They stopped doing this in the 90s. Yeah, I was going to say, they stopped doing this. I don't watch hockey. But I liked it. My favorite... I thought they put a circle around it when it flies around. It got a lot of... pushback, but I always enjoy it. Sorry. I was double checking. I don't think they do.
You might show it sometimes in the highlight. That's funny. I always avoided winter sports when I was a kid. I didn't learn how to ski until I was in my 40s. And I never learned how to ice skate because I was fighting all the time. So I didn't want to do anything that would hurt myself doing. Right.
Everybody was like, we're going to go skiing. I was like, uh-uh. Get the fuck out of here. Like, I need these. It was, like, super important. This got everybody excited, though, a few weeks ago. The beginning of the USA-Canada fight, or game, there was nine fights, or three fights. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. They just started squaring off. Yeah, why were you?
upset at Canada. This is stupid. Is this over tariffs? Yes, 100%. They booed us over tariffs. They're also trying to, I mean, it worked. They got a ton of attention, so everyone was... Who's red and who's blue? Well, Canada's red. There you go. Who's winning this exchange? Red, white, and blue is America.
One dude keeps his helmet on. That's ridiculous. That helmet's a problem. I do love when you hear their microphones during a fight and they fight and then they go like, you ready to be done? Yeah, I'm ready to be done. I love that. I was at the comic strip in Edmonton years ago when... Canada played US in the gold medal game. Someone sent me the country's water usage.
during that game and at every period and the water usage would go up because everyone went would go to the bathroom right and it was like the whole fucking country went to the bathroom at the same time and Canada won and I think it was an overtime I was the only American there but Man, do they love a good winter sport up there. We got to become friends with Canada again. We have to like, you know, I'm down. This is so ridiculous. I can't believe that there's like
anti-American and anti-Canadian sentiment going on. It's the dumbest fucking feud. There it is. That's nuts. Look at the water consumption. That's crazy. I love on this pod where if I say something, I got to be ready. for you guys to fact check my ass. Jamie's ready. Is there anti-Canadian sentiment? Yeah, there's a lot of idiots that now think that there are fucking enemies. Okay.
Why are we subsidizing Canada? Right. Well, they don't have their own military. Well, they don't. So let's just deal with it as it is. You know, Trudeau is out, right? He's already leaving. Yeah, they got a new guy who's just as bad. Same thing. They got a new party. 150 people voted. Now they have a new guy running the country. But their whole election system is so...
different they don't have like a specific time when they have elections and so they can call an election and I think it happens within three weeks the whole thing is so crazy and so I don't know what's happening with their politics but I just want America and Canada get along I think that's ridiculous yeah
It's a good, as someone who's from Ann Arbor, Michigan, you know. And I don't really think they should be our 51st state. There, I said it. You said it? It's on record. It would be fun if it happened. It would be fun. I think Greenland's more accessible. Yeah. You could probably buy that. Yeah.
If you want a 51st state, it's Greenland. Plus, if global warming is real because of all the digging and oil and all that shit, you know, be good to have a cold spot to eventually warm up. I just read this crazy book called Power Metals by Vince. visor possibly we had him on the show daily show and it's all about like minerals and metals and what we need for our batteries and cobalt mining in africa and i went down all this youtube shit with like oh yeah the child you know labor and all but
I was very ignorant to how much we need and use metals. Nickel, copper, wild. Batteries, EVs, everything. And so then when the news came out that Trump wanted Greenland, I was like, oh, this is starting to make more sense to me now. There's a lot of stuff up there. There's also a lot of stuff in the sky. If they can mine asteroids, if they can successfully figure out how to mine asteroids.
They can get a lot of precious minerals. Let's fucking do that. Yeah, well, that's a few decades away, but they'll figure it out eventually. They've been able to get samples from asteroids, and they know what the composites are. asteroids out there that are filled with trillions of dollars in minerals. That is fucking nuts. I know, it's nuts. Yeah, and they can figure it out. They will. They'll eventually figure it out. But I had Siddharth Kara on, who has done some pretty...
brilliant and brave investigative work on the cobalt mines and you know he took video i'll have to check that what they call artisanal mines it's essentially yes slaves digging this stuff out of the ground with their babies on their back this is from sadar Yeah.
I mean, this is fucking crazy. And they're digging the cobalt out of the ground with like literally with sticks. Everybody's breathing it in. It's all toxic. These women have babies on their back. Babies are breathing it in. And then there's these pools, right, that you that you.
put the water, and it's toxic water, and the pools are different colors, and we don't know where this goes, and the water seeps in. And is this also I can get the new iPhone 14 Max or whatever the fuck it is? 100%. That's exactly what it is. That's terrible.
It's the only way we're getting that stuff. Right. It's most of the cobalts coming from that area. And it's also then you go to the actual construction of the phone itself and you see those factories, those Foxconn factories where they have nets around them to keep people from...
jumping off the roofs. And he realizes people are working in these horrific conditions so that you can get an iPhone that costs $13.99 instead of $15.99 or whatever the fuck it would be if it was made in America with people paid a working wage and healthcare.
and all the stuff that you're supposed to get if you're going to be working. Especially if a company like Apple that's worth more than any corporation ever. Like Apple's insanely profitable. So we did this piece at The Daily Show once about... the sugar cane, um, agriculture in the central Florida, they over fertilize it. It makes more sugar faster. All of the fertilization goes down to Lake Okeechobee, then goes out to the oceans where the algae blooms, the manatees die. And I'm just going...
I think most people would pay an extra 25 cents a year for this not to happen, to spend more on sugar. Why are we doing this? I would pay more to have my iPhone be made in America by American hands. Yeah, we've talked about that, but the problem is the infrastructure that's required to be able to build phones here is...
A decade away, right? It takes a long time to build the kind of factories that can have like the tolerances of these chips and right they've been doing it in China forever. So Most fucking a wild. I mean, I was I was bloating my kids in the car
Put my phone on top of my car because I didn't have an extra hand. Forget it's there. Driving through Pennsylvania. Yeah, and it's gone. I hear it's bop, bop, bop all over the highway. It's bouncing. I stop. I finally find my phone in the woods, and 911 is on the phone. We recognized that there was a crash. Are you okay? And I'm like, what? That's in this thing? Yeah.
That's pretty wild. It's wild. It's also watching everything you do and listening to all your conversations and recommending Google searches. Why don't you buy this, Michael?
Hey, Michael, maybe you'd be interested in buying this. It seems like you were interested. You were talking about vacation homes in Hawaii. Look, Michael. What about when you've already bought it? That always is weird. Yeah, it's weird. When it's like feeding me a thing, I'm in the algorithm. Yeah, you get sucked into the algorithm. You know, it's...
It's an interesting world that we live in with all that stuff because it's like you're constantly getting inundated. That's one of the things that I really enjoy about podcasts. It's the one time for three hours a day where I don't look at my phone. Yeah. I don't have any text coming in. It's on do not disturb.
care i mean that could arguably be why maybe you have this supernatural memory and brain power because you more than anybody probably in the world, maybe United States, are actually away from this for four hours just talking.
That could be interesting. Did I just crack something? There may be something to that, but I think it's just the sheer volume of people that I've talked to. It's like you're getting information. But you're retaining a lot of that. I've always been good at that for some reason. I mean, you just referenced the guest you had in the previous book. Yeah. Are you doing a trick or anything to retain that? No. You're just locked in and engaged. Yeah.
I take supplements from memory, too, though. I take AlphaBrain, which is called a nootropic. I saw it out there. You can grab some. I didn't want to be too sharp for the pot. No, get in there. You have that thing, that vending machine. You get free AlphaBrain. You just press the button. How many pods do you get free Alphabrain on? That's pretty sick. Any one you want. But that stuff's legit. It really works. That was from...
my company on it. And when we first made it, a lot of people were saying, Oh, this is snake oil. This is bullshit. I had already had experience with nootropics because, um, there's a company called neuro one. And Bill Romanowski, the football player, developed it because he was having memory problems after all the hits. And I was on a radio show in San Francisco, and one of the guys was working out with Bill Romanowski, and he started taking this neuro...
He's like, dude, it's like I'm so much more focused. It's really great. I'm like, okay, let me try this. And I was like, oh, this is legit. Like I feel like my mind feels clearer. Like I feel like I have more thought energy, if that makes any sense. Yeah. So then we started experimenting.
with different ones, and there's a bunch I like. One of them is this company, Nuro. These are mints, Nuro mints, but they make Nuro gum, which I'm a big fan of. I chew it all the time. It's gum that has a little bit of caffeine and a little bit of theanine in it.
What's the goal? Just to kind of keep the brain energy high? Yes. Yeah, you want to provide your brain with the nutrients your brain needs to produce human neurotransmitters. All right, I'm going to take this. Maybe we'll do like a before or after. That, you know, is mine. I usually take two when I take the mints. But they're legit. So this is one. NeuroGum's another one. TrueBrain is another one that I've tried that's really good. It's like little packets you drink. I've found...
I just assumed it was like kids and age and getting older that I'll lose my train of thought more often than I ever have before. Oh, yeah. And I hate it. Writing a joke, it's not fun. Everything I read says, like, keep exercising, get blood flow in your body. Maybe sauna helps. Sleep's a big one. Sleep's a big one. Isn't it crazy how much an athlete, the best athletes.
Treat sleep. Oh, yeah. I mean, Pete Sampras used to travel with duct tape. So when he'd get to the hotel, he would tape the curtain to the window so no excess light would get in because he wanted, like, a float tank situation. And I'm like, you know, at that level, when you're playing for one in the world, like all that little stuff. Yep. And that's wild. Meanwhile, you get my house. I lay down. We shut off the lights.
Sonos has a light. The Wi-Fi thing has a light. The clock has so much extra excess light all around. Yeah, it's not good. Maybe that's why I can't remember the joke I'm about to tell. Sleep is a big problem. You know, you really need to get a solid seven, eight hours of sleep every night. And if you don't, you're going to feel it. One of the best supplements for mitigating the effects of sleep deprivation is actually creatine.
Okay. Creatine is actually... My buddy just started taking it. I don't know. I take it every day. It's legit. I took it in college. The strength team coach made me take it, and it was... bothered my stomach. Well, there's different forms of creatine. I take it in gummy form, which doesn't seem to bother me at all. I've had people that take it like liquid, they pour it into water and they get diarrhea.
I haven't had that happen, but it's also like there's different kinds of creatine. You want really good creatine. Like you want a reputable company that makes creatine monohydrate. And then there's another thing called HMB that people mix with creatine. But creatine, besides... being a muscle builder because it really does enhance your recovery and helps you build muscle. It also is a nootropic. It also helps brain function.
Which makes sense, because if your body works better, your brain works better. And it makes you retain more water. You have more water in your body, which is obviously also a good thing, especially for an athlete, and especially for someone who wants to think. One of the worst ways to think is if you're dehydrated. If you're dehydrated and tired, you're fucked. You're working on 50% brain capacity.
Well, I love watching sports. You know, the end, you see these silly mistakes always. Why would they do that? Why'd the ball go through his legs? Why did he choose to serve to that side? Why did he throw the fastball down the middle? Because they're fucking dehydrated and tired, and it's crazy how that affects brain function. Oh, sure. And that's why I love the couch fan.
Oh, my God. Why did he throw that? With a beer in your hand. Big belly. You're literally drinking a beer. This guy's a pussy. This guy's a pussy. If I was getting that money, I'd fight Mike Tyson. I'd come out swinging. Yeah. The couch fan. their best.
Yeah, like in fights you see it all the time when people are exhausted they make terrible decisions They shoot for takedowns they get caught in guillotine chokes because they're exposed They're just they're exhausted and they just take a chance and they don't have the energy to complete the technique correctly. Yeah
Yeah. Oh, dude. I mean, my parenting with a full night's sleep versus like had an early flight, had to fly. I mean, it's crazy. Yeah. Everything is. I mean, I'm like, I'd like to think a kind, patient parent on a good night's sleep, but like.
When I get home after a road gig or whatever, even coming up this Sunday, I have an early flight. I'm going to get to Brooklyn. I know it's going to be 1 p.m. and the wife's going to hand me the kids and go, your turn. And I'm going to be like, dude, the patience is going to be tough. Well, you're going to be exhausted from the flight.
You know what I found helps a lot from flights is if you can, work out immediately. After? Right when you land. Okay. Like right when you land. Just get into it. Just get something going. Even if it's 20 minutes, do a bunch of push-ups and sit-ups. chin-ups, just get it going. Just reset the clock. Because when you exert yourself hard, you have a hard 20 minutes, half hour of working out, it resets you. And you're like, I'll get it back. I'm okay.
I'm very excited about this weekend because my former assistant coach at Illinois, where I play tennis, is the head coach here at Texas. Oh, IUT? IUT. Nice. So he's won an NCAA championship. His name is Bruce Burke. He's an excellent coach. But he's like, dude, come hit with us. Oh, wow. So I'm going to be training with the Texas team, and they're beasts. These guys are...
So that's exciting for me. That's cool. That's super fun just to get to do that. And then perform at Mothership, dude. Never even stepped foot in this place. Oh, I'm excited for you to go. And it's selling out so fast. I mean, you've created it. Last time I was here, it was like still an idea. Yeah. Adam Egott was around, but now, I mean, it's just amazing, man. You've built something amazing. Yeah, it's as good, it's better than we have ever hoped.
We never hoped it was going to be what it is now. It's perfect. Was the Comedy Store... foundational thought with this oh yeah yeah for sure Mitzi's room is obviously a testament to her and I never met Mitzi I never fucking met her that's crazy that's her that painting's her let me ask something that's crude was she was she a hot
She was hot when she was young. When she looked like that, she was hot. Because I go to the La Jolla Comedy Store and I see all the pictures of her and I'm like, I think Mitzi was hot. She was hot when she was young. I didn't meet her then. I met her in 94. You know, she was already quite a bit older and she started suffering the beginnings of her neurological condition. Like she would have a little bit of shakes, but she was there.
Yeah. You know, you could have conversations with her and she she helped me a lot. And she also helped foster an environment of creativity and of collaboration and of, you know, there was.
It was a home for a lot of... you know road comics like there was this thing that you knew that you would go home and on tuesday and wednesday nights we would be at the store having the time of our lives on tuesday and wednesday nights we would be working on new jokes we would be doing sets we'd be laughing together
Everybody's cracking jokes in the parking lot. It was so much fun. And it was that home environment that we wanted to recreate as much as possible. That's awesome. And to make it... comic friendly as public what have you ever wanted in a club they didn't have okay let's get that like what how do you want it this to be how do you want to get to the stage what do you think we do about and I asked everybody and Louie CK gave me some of the best advice like Louie told me to lower the ceilings yeah
I shortened the stage in the smaller room. He told me to deaden the sound as much as possible. Everybody wants that echo because it makes it sound like people are killing more. You want clear sound. He was dead right on everything. Wow. Because he has a production mind. He doesn't just have a mind of a comic. He also has a mind of what's the best way to set things up for a film or set the environment. You feel and notice all that stuff on stage. I was performing recently, Ceiling's Tall.
Crowd is full. But where's the laughs going? Am I killing? I feel like I'm doing well, but I'm not hearing it. Now I'm in my head a little bit. Right? That's changed my order. Now I'm doing the bit that I know is going to kill instead of just letting things... And it's like, all of that matters. Yeah. All of that matters. High ceiling is a big thing. It's a problem. You want to be locked in. I want everybody to be locked in.
The Comedy Store, the way you just described that, really became my clubhouse. Yeah. And I was a little bit... I got past there when you were gone for a little while. And... I remember when you came back, it changed dramatically. But LA was really, really tough for me initially upon moving there. And then all of a sudden you get into a place like that. There's a place to drink. There's a place to talk shit. There's a place to, oh my God.
Even just parking, right? Park here and then just hang. It changed the game. It changed the game for me. It changed the game for all of us. The improv was always a great club to perform at. I always performed there. Laugh Factory's fun. But there's something about the store that was home base. And so the idea of doing something like that in Texas, Ron White was the first guy to open my eyes to it because Ron had moved here before the pandemic. And Ron's like, it's in the middle of country.
I don't have to fucking fly for six hours. It's like, the place is great, food's nice, people are cool. I'm like, fuck, can I live in Texas? Because I always wanted to get out of L.A. Because I felt like, especially when my kids were young, I was like, I've been through this with my older daughter. I was like, I don't think L.A. is a good place for children.
I don't think it's a good place for young people. I think it's just filled with too many like bizarre ambitions and creeps and it's just like people are devalued because there's so many of them. It's too overwhelming. So I'd always thought about getting out.
And then the pandemic hit, and then Ron White was the one who talked me into opening up the club. We were doing local shows at the Vulcan, and we had talked about maybe opening up a club, like maybe we should buy a club here. And then Ron White got off stage. He hadn't been on stage in like seven or eight months. And he murdered he got a standing ovation waiting on stage and it turned out he had
He was playing it off. He had practiced all day, gone over his notes, and he's just fucking professional. Just murdered. And then he grabs me by the shoulders. He goes, whatever the fuck we have to do, we're going to keep doing this. You're going to open up that goddamn club. I was like, okay. Yeah. Okay.
Okay, always a great hang I mean it's a comedy store. He didn't know me and he would just hang and he's the best He's the elder statesman of the Austin comedy scene. Okay. Got it. He's the best. Yeah, he's such a good guy
And he's always around. And so like with Ron, it's like, so we had Ron, we had Tony Hinchcliffe, and then Tom Segura moved here, and Christina Pazitsky, and then the floodgates opened. Tim Dillon, everybody started coming. It's a tidal wave, dude. And then Shane Gillis moved here, and he brought the whole... Philly crew and there's all these killers. It's like...
Duncan moved here. It's like it just became so fun It became so fun and all these things had to happen for it to take place like that Yeah, the comedy store had to lose guys like Adam like they had fire everybody. So these people were all unemployed. Yeah, I hire them. Yeah
And I brought him over here when it wasn't even a club yet. I was like, I'll pay you now. You can start getting paid now. You'll have health benefits, all the jazz. Just enjoy the city. Just have a good time. In a year or so, I'll call on you. And so then we started working. I mean, I've been texting Adam for a long time, and I was like, yes, something is happening, but we don't know when. But not to come back and excited to walk through it.
Yeah, a lot of people dismissed it. It's not going to happen. But it was going to happen. When you're an outsider looking at your plate, there's a lot on it. Yeah, but this was important. It was also, if I'm not going to do it, who's going to do it?
It's one of those things where if you have an opportunity to do something very unusual and you don't do it, well then what? Does nobody ever do anything unusual? Just fucking do it. Everyone just always either goes to New York or L.A. and that's it forever. And it was also we had so many people like Brian Simpson. He moved.
out here early. Derek Post and Hassan Ahmad, they all moved out here early. We had so many killers that were already here. We're like, we were already doing shows, sold out shows at the Vulcan. Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday nights. Kill Tony was there on Mondays. We were already doing weekend shows.
It was a no-brainer. We knew we could do it. That's sick. But it was a little scary. It's a little scary. Dump a bunch of money, buy a building. Oh, shit. Renovate the whole thing for a year and a half. The decisions alone? It's a lot of decisions, a lot of decisions. Doorknobs, carpets, lights, ceiling, drywall. We had a really good architect that helped too. Shout out to Richard, Richard Wise. But at the end of the day, really what it was all about was a lot of great timing.
great opportunity and great timing yeah and then doing it the right way from the beginning yeah make it as comedy friendly as possible and just make an environment where people like like to be there yeah yeah nice friendly people everybody's having fun everybody's like real supportive and i love that yeah Yeah, it's great. And comics, to their credit, I think naturally are nonconformist. And I love that they'll jump at a new opportunity. Yeah. They're not like all tied. So.
You know, yeah, Joe's open a club. We'll go. Boom. Done. People moved here. It's like nuts to hear. I can't believe how often I was texting with Adam. He said, who do you want to be opening for you this weekend? I said, send me some names. Send me all the names. I'm like, this feels like all comedy store names. Yeah. These are all in Austin. Holtzman lives here now. He's here all the time. That's crazy. He was fucking killing.
the other night. Now Holtzman has a crowd here now. So instead of Holtzman going up at two o'clock in the morning in the main room when there was no one there and the comic sit in the back of the room and laugh, now he's got sold out shows and people come to see Holtzman. And he's doing different material like every night now. That's great. It's amazing. Yeah. He's got a crowd now.
And he can make money in town. Right. Which is huge. He doesn't have to travel. He doesn't have to do the road. And he is doing the road a little bit too now. Right. Which is unique for Brian too. It's really funny because he puts up these videos of people getting offended. He does? I haven't seen it. Yeah.
is people getting offended and screaming at him and walking out of his show because they don't get it. But once you see him a couple of times and you get what he's doing, then we have what we have in Austin now where people, you know, when Holtzman's there, it sells out. They're coming to see Holtzman. It's fun. There's nothing more beautiful than a person talking into a microphone causing a reaction to a group. Yeah.
It's beautiful. It's nuts. It shows how powerful words and energy and communication can be. It's like you let that person make you that mad. And this person didn't touch you or hit you? Yeah. That's wild. Right. That is wild to think that... that we have that ability. Especially with Holtzman, because he lets you in on it every now and then, what he's doing, and then he comes back to it. He does this very beautiful dance of letting you in on it and then going right back to the fucking guy!
Well, it's fucking great. I'm looking forward to performing there, so it's sweet. You're gonna have a good time, man. Did you bring people to open with you or you got local people? I think we got local. I'm not 100% sure, but I didn't bring people with me. We have a lot of good local people. Well, that's the thing. It's like you could bring somebody. Or you're in a community where there's great comedy. So I'd much rather do that.
Yeah, and you'll have a great hang. The green room is really great. It's a great hang. We have Mae West's couch in there that Peter Shore gave me. It's Mitzi's. She had it in her house, and so we had it re-uphulsed. Oh, that's hilarious. So in the green room, this is a beautiful pink couch that's Mae West's couch. Okay, amazing. Yeah, so the bones of it are Mae West's couch. That's great.
Yeah. And so we have Rodney Dangerfield's handwritten notes on the wall from his last Tonight Show special. So it's all the different bits that he wanted to hit and all the different things that he wanted to talk about. And then Patrick Bet-David gave me one of Lenny Bruce's microphones. Holy shit we have Lenny Bruce's microphone framed on the wall above the monitors I feel like Lenny Bruce Not enough comics understand what
the road he paved for everybody else. It's known that he did that, but... He's the OG. He was the OG. He's the OG. That's what I'm trying to say. He was the first guy to go to jail. He was going to jail. They fucking arrested him. A bunch of times. That is insane. For stuff that is nothing. Today, it wouldn't even get you kicked off TikTok. But we still had the First Amendment at that time. So that's what's so interesting to me. Yeah. The interpretation of or the enforcement of.
has that's wild well this is the role same constitution yeah same constitution well this is the role that comedy plays in free speech. Because we are really one of the only countries that has the kind of free speech that we have, the Declaration. When we have the First Amendment that's... It talks very specifically, the very first one, about our ability to express ourselves, how important that is. But if you're a comedian...
And you can't do that. Like if someone's deciding what you get, well, that sets the boundaries for everything else. If he didn't do that, if he wasn't doing that in the fifties and the sixties and getting arrested, like who knows where free speech would be to. What was he arrested on? Profanity. You could be arrested on profanity? Yeah, he was arrested on profanity charges. Yeah, they had profanity laws back then, where in public places, you couldn't have...
And, you know, different places in different. different districts had different regulations but I'm sure in San Francisco where he started he probably could do whatever he wanted and then you know as you travel and you start and then it became more and more popular obscenity this reminds me of Profanity, obscenity. So here it is. So he was arrested at the jazz workshop in San Francisco, which is even crazier, in 1961, where he used the word cocksucker and said that...
To is a preposition. Come is a verb. That the sexual context of come was so common that it bore no weight. And that if someone hearing it became upset, he probably can't come. Although the jury acquitted him, other law enforcement agencies.
began monitoring his appearances, resulting in frequent arrests under obscenity charges. Yeah, but Joe, see there, although a jury acquitted him, I'm just wondering, like, was he actually breaking a law? Or were they just hassling him by arresting him? Because he can't...
Dude, they arrested him for saying schmuck. Go back to that real quick. But I'm saying, what do you charge somebody with? Well, this was the obscenity charges. Like they said, if you go back to that Wikipedia page, look at that. This is crazy. He said...
Sherman Block later became the county sheriff. The charge this time was that the community used the word schmuck, an insulting Yiddish word that was also considered a term for penis. Oh my gosh. The Hollywood charges were later dismissed. Right. So this was in Philadelphia.
and then Los Angeles, and then West Hollywood. In West Hollywood, he was arrested. Imagine, the place where the comedy store resides right now. He was arrested just 10 years before Richard Pryor was performing live in the Sunset Strip. I mean, what about the...
The one in Philly is legit. The gay... What's that, Jamie? The gay drug possession. Yeah, he did a lot of drugs. Yeah, well... That's a fact. I would do a lot of drugs if I got arrested every time I said schmuck. So Live in the Sunset's trip, I think, was 81. Or 82. Is that correct? What year was live in the Sunset Strip? Because I was in high school. I remember that. 66. I have that poster. That Lenny Bruce poster. There's a lot of Lenny Bruce love out there.
Yeah. Which is so cool. Yeah, I have a lot of Lenny Bruce stuff out there.
Look, he was the guy. And it's hard when you listen to his stuff today because most of it, it's kind of trite. Like we've heard all the premises before. It's because he broke the ground. You have to remember people were so innocent in 1961. The culture was... so different that what he was saying was groundbreaking I fell into that trap you know I was like I'm not really digging it I'm not enjoying it but it's like you have to really think about
where we were then sure if you listen to shakespeare talk you're probably this guy's a retard what thou does not like shut up but if it's like in the context of 1961 what he was doing was it was akin to lot of things that were to come like the anti-war movement the civil rights movement all these things were bubbling up about this freedom of exploring ideas and expressing yourself but in comedy it had just been two jews
walking to a bar. You know, it'd been jokes. It'd set up punchline. The Italian says to the Polish guy, it would have been a lot of that stuff. And so he came along and was like, why do we have these words that are forbidden? Why do we have this? Why is that? Why can't people be in love?
this way, why can't that happen? And it was like, people were like, Jesus, why can't we? And he changed the way people thought about life, not just about comedy. And then I think Richard Pryor came along and made it way better. Yeah, made it fun. But also what fascinates me so much about that with Lenny Bruce is it was this it's the same First Amendment that we have right today. Yeah. Yeah. And.
Those words have not changed, but society has or its interpretation has or its enforcement has. That's wild. Yeah. That's wild. The enforcement is the thing. And then the concept of obscenity charges. Obscenity charges are very subjective, right? decide what's obscene to me schmuck is not obscene it's kind of cute if my you know someone calls you a schmuck it's probably a friend of yours right now hey you fucking schmuck like ah it's not a i mean no i don't get arrested for schmuck that's crazy
What is this, Jamie? This is where the obscenity law came from, a court case. Well, this is 73, though. I typed in where the obscenity law is in San Francisco. No, I understand, but this is 73 because, you know, he was 61. So what does it say there? The ruling? Scroll up at the top a little bit. It says a landmark decision of the U.S. Supreme Court clarifying the legal definition of obscenity as material that lacks serious literary, artistic, political, or scientific value. The ruling was the...
origin of three-part judicial tests for determining obscene media content that could be banned by government authorities, which is now known as the Miller Test. So here's the thing to think about this. Miller Test is actually quite relevant right now. It's coming up a lot. Oh, is it? Miller Test, yes. For what? First Amendment stuff. I just heard something about it. That's interesting.
Yeah, it is interesting because the thing about this is this is probably all in response to all the anti-war activists and all of the whole hippie freedom of speech flower child movement. I did a piece for The Daily Show after Biden won, and this woman in New Jersey had up... 10, 15 flags, fuck Biden, fuck Joe Biden, fuck Joe Biden flags. Was on a path to a school. And a lot of parents said, take down the flag. She said, it's my First Amendment right.
Got all messy. The city made her take it down. She refused. NAACP popped in to defend her, saying it was her right as a Biden as a political figure. But then it became an obscenity. It was a very interesting piece. And I spoke to her and she was very outspoken. And my whole take was like, hey, just maybe let's say legally you can put those flags up, but it's just kind of shitty. Right. And she was like, fuck you. I'm gonna put my flags up. But.
Interesting when obscenity mixes in with school, kid. What is that now? Right. Public figure. Public figure. If it says fuck... Tony, fuck Michael, that's different than fuck Joe Biden, the sitting president of the United States. Right. All fascinating. Yeah, it's also, it's like, you know, what do you want to see in your neighborhood? I don't like... People putting those fucking stupid signs on their lawns my parents
We were diehard liberals. They were living in Florida at the time. And this is during 2016. And my mom was complaining, every time I put my Hillary Clinton sign, someone takes it down. I'm like, you're in Florida. Like, why are you putting Hillary Clinton sign?
on your lawn. But to my mom, it might as well be like she was supporting the Miami Dolphins. That was her team. Her team was the Democrats. Well, I was just going to say, I don't like when a kid is wearing a Dolphins hat or a Yankees hat because I'm like... We as adults have put that on the kid.
Well, maybe the kid's just a fan of the sport, though. It's possible, but Dad probably made him do it. Maybe. Maybe the kid just likes his. That doesn't bother me at all. There's nothing wrong with supporting teams. But there's a real problem when it's like, how about...
whole countries run and you're thinking about it like a team like that's that's kind of ridiculous yeah and people that put those fucking signs in their lawn like settle down yeah just why why why are you doing like it's just like you're like Right in the yard.
Right in front of your house. Where's your point? Like those people that like science is settled. This is it. Love is love. Black lives matter. Okay. Who was the Supreme Court justice with the flags? Got in the whole fucking neighborhood fight with the flag. I had the white flag with the...
Green pine tree on it and that was that it was Christian nationalism or had ties to it whatever But I'm saying this white flag with a green pine tree is Christian nationalism What wasn't it? I don't know. I don't know but I'm talking about this. No. What was this? Do you remember Jimmy? It was, I thought it was maybe Robert's.
But his white—and then he's—and then—there it is. An appeal to heaven. So that flag was flying. You can see there the Boston Globe. That's his New Jersey—the one right underneath that, Jamie. That's his New Jersey house. Beach House. And that got put up. But this was all because neighbors started fighting about their signs. What is that an appeal to heaven? What does that mean? I don't know. What's that flag supposed to represent, Jamie? Huh.
But interesting that our Supreme Court justice got involved in one of these sign fights. And then they called him out on it and he said, it's my wife. It's just fucking hilarious, right? My wife did it. My wife's a Christian nationalist. Is that a Christian nationalist thing? What? A call to heaven? I don't know what...
We'll find out. I've never even heard of it until just now. They took it down from in front of San Francisco City Hall. Probably part of the same issue. Well, what does it mean? It has to do with the colonies, it said. What? Revolutionary War.
Okay. The flag was originally used during the American Revolutionary War, flown by George Washington's cruisers, and is associated with the early quest for American independence. It's since been adopted by a different group, one that doesn't represent the city's values. So we made the decision to swap it with an American... flag well first of all you probably should have the American flag there anyway you shouldn't have to swap it
How about half the American flag everywhere, you motherfuckers? America! January 6, 2022, videos and photos show that some supporters of former President Donald Trump waving the Appeal to Heaven flag. Oh, they ruined it. Just like the Nazis ruined the swastika, which was a Buddhist thing. Where is it? Oh, yeah. An appeal to heaven. So what is it? So it's because it's Trump supporters now? Is that why? That's why? I don't know why Alito put it up, but I remember it being...
Something to do with, like, the homeowners associations all were mad at each other and they put the flag up. He threw his wife right under the bus. Look at this. My wife is fond of flying flags. I am not. Alito wrote, my wife was solely responsible for having flagpoles put up at our restaurant.
and our vacation home and has flown a wide variety of flags over the air. How many Palestine flags do you fly? Wide variety? Got a lot of Ukraine flags flying in your house? What kind of flags you got? It just makes me laugh that look, this is the petty shit.
that normal Americans get in. Supreme Court justice, just get out of it. Yeah, I don't know about that flag. This is the first time I've ever seen that. But it's just a thing that people do. They want to let you know what they support and what they don't. Yeah, we love telling people what we believe. And it's very important that we feel like we have beliefs and it's when we start sharing them that... Well you find out other people don't agree. You find out other people might not agree with you.
And this gets back to grit and toughness. Well, this also gets back to the importance of your show, The Daily Show. Because The Daily Show, especially under the tutelage of Jon Stewart when he's running the helm, it's so balanced at pointing out ridiculous shit. all over the place, which I think is so important. That's the goal. That's the aim. So smart. And when we do it right, I love it. And it is every day. So sometimes you do it right.
And you're thankful. You pat yourself on the back. But guess what? There's a show tomorrow. Yeah. And I think we benefit. Man, so many. I'll take when I host so many questions. I'll take questions from the audience. And so many people go like. Michael, how do you hold yourself to journalistic integrity? And I go, what? I'm a fucking comedian. This is on Comedy Central.
I'm not a journalist. Just because you see us as informative, which I'm thankful for, and the fact that you come to us for information, which I'm thankful for. It's a little terrifying, though, right? Don't ever forget, lady, I'm not a journalist. Yeah. I'm not in the war zone. I'm a clown. Yes. My job is to put all this shit into a comedy machine and crank out some type of sausage and feed it to you. But it's nuts that...
Comedy Central Daily Show is considered journalism. Yeah, or people will stop me on the subway and go, like, thank you for what you're doing. And I'm going, I'm trying to just make you laugh. Is that what you mean? It's not what they mean, though. They mean, like. Fighting the good fight. Fighting the fight. Oppressing the... Fascists. Right. And also comedy, as we've talked about, is one of the only places that can challenge and speak.
to power truthfully yeah and comedy also can make you consider something so like if you have an opinion and you go out there and state your opinion eloquently like i could be there well i disagree i have a different opinion yeah but if you go out there with that opinion you make me laugh with something I don't even necessarily agree with.
That's the best. And then you go, oh, he's got a fucking point. He's got a fucking point. That is the magic trick. That's the magic trick of comedy. And The Daily Show does that great. But I remember one time sitting with my wife at the comedy store. tiger woods had just like you know all of that shit came out the cheating the voicemails i mean he was like you know maybe arguably one of the more promiscuous husbands of all time
And Burr goes up and he starts defending Tiger, right? And I'm watching, I'm feeling my wife's energy. I'm like, Bill, don't do this, dude. You're defending this guy who is in the heat. Of all the hatred. And as I watch the joke, I feel her relax. Now at the end, she's laughing. And I'm like...
You just did the fucking magic trick. Yeah. You did the trick. He's one of the best at it. You took the level of difficulty at its highest. Yeah. We were, all of us were against you. You did it. And that's, that's the shit. That's as close to magic as there is. Yeah. Well, it's. a beautiful thing if you could turn a controversial subject into something hilarious. Yeah. At least puts people's guard down for a second. Yeah.
Think they'll see through it if they feel like it's just you're truly trying to trick him into a message if your real goal is to entertain and laugh That yeah, that's uh, you know, I I heard I was researching sauna stuff a lot because I was building this sauna last summer. And I read that in Finnish culture, a lot of the politicians won't even start negotiating or talking until they're like... fucking scorched in the sauna.
And I thought that was really interesting because comedy, you know, I don't know how truthful it is, but I know there is a lot of pictures of, um, it's a good move. I just, you all suffer together. Right. And it's like, comedy kind of does that too. It's like, if we're all laughing.
We at least have that in common. If we're all sweating and having a hard time with this moment. Right. I love that. It's a human moment. It's a human moment. I mean, you're literally dying. You're dying in there. You can't stay there forever. You've got about 20 minutes, and then you've got to get the fuck out, and you're like, whoa. And now you can all be human together. That's a good move. It's something really nuts.
to me about that the dry heat of a sauna that i don't understand completely but it really fixes a lot of in me you know another good thing about the having the politicians go in the sauna what we can kill off a lot of the old ones Mitch McConnell ain't gonna make it. There's no fucking way. There used to be a World Sauna Championships, and then a guy died. Oh, yeah. Well, they kept pouring water on it. On the rocks? Yeah, they were pouring a liter of water on every...
I don't know what the time, but I heard that. I was like, oh my God. And it was like 200 plus degrees. What's your sauna? How would you advise me to get the most out of my sauna? 20 minutes? Yeah, 20 minutes is good. Cool off and come back in? You can if you like.
I don't necessarily do that all the time. I'll do like one day a week. I go cold plunge sauna, cold plunge sauna. I'll go back and forth. Usually I start with sauna. I always end with cold plunge. If I do three cycles, whatever it is, you end with cold plunge. Because you want your body to fight to... The warming back up. The warming back up. Yeah. So you're just shocking the shit out of your system. But the Finnish studies that have showed...
The more people do it, the more effective it is in terms of what they studied was they found that when people over the course of 20 years use the sauna four times a week, they had a 40 percent decrease in all cause mortality. Crazy. Everything. Strokes, cancer.
heart attack, everything. Because your body is becoming far more resilient and you're also developing all these heat shock proteins and eliminating inflammation, clearing out your system, and then you're rehydrating afterwards. Very, very good for you. You're also not on the phone. Yes.
They're also not on the phone, although I do have a Bluetooth speaker in there. You can get some Bluetooth speakers. I got one called Not A Brick. It's a really good one. It can take the heat of a sauna. And so I listen to books on tape when I'm stretching, sweating my brains out.
I was in my sauna all by myself, and it's very quiet. I'm in the woods in Pennsylvania, and this fucking buck just walks right in front. And it was just me and him. I don't know if you saw her or smelt or whatever, but it was like...
Oh, that's cool. You know what? That's like... um what's it called i'm not a hunter what's it called when you just kind of go to watch and see where they're going to be is that called something yeah observation yeah sure nature it was like yeah just opening your eyes but that's it was wild to see that yeah it's cool
Very cool wildlife is wild and especially if you don't expect it like you're sitting in the sauna and the deers right there What's going on about the government doing it there they apparently drink alcohol in the sauna I like that too. I love a drink in there. A long drink, iconic finished gin mixed drink that's basically a Tom Collins in a can, but way better because it's being sipped in a sauna with newfound sauna friends. That's cool. That is cool. That's a great move.
Yeah, like something that makes you more human. You suffer together. Yeah, and you also are, yeah, you're focusing on a thing that isn't this result that we need or want. Yeah, this should probably take all the congresspeople and make them run a tough mudder together. You know, go through the mud, fucking... climb ropes and shit, go over obstacle courses. That'd be great. I've actually found...
My wife and I, when we do a sauna, you know, there's always stuff you got to talk about with the family, logistics. There's always things to argue about. But we'll go in there and we both start sweating. And then it's kind of just like eases the tone, eases the conversation. Yeah. Which is helpful. Yeah, no one's real.
loud in the sauna yeah and you just chill yeah yeah both suffering together yeah just suffering yeah that's interesting yeah i i think it's it should be a part of everybody's life and there's by the way if you can't afford it they make a sauna blanket
That is one of our sponsors. It's really good. I've used that thing before. It's great. You just climb inside this fucking blanket and you can bring it on the road with you. And you sweat it off. It doesn't weigh that much. You carry it and it'll heat you the fuck up and it'll give you the heat shock proteins. I like a...
dry sauna better i like being in a sauna but if you want to like travel or if you want to yeah if you don't have the resources or a place for it those things are great yeah hot baths are great too hot baths after workouts supposed to increase muscle It's tough to find sauna, though, in a lot of American cities. Yeah. When I go on the road, I'm always trying to find. Cold tubs are more frequent now. Really? They're more frequent now. But...
You know the way to do the cold plunge is you do it before you work out. That's the real move. Oh, no shit. Yeah, that really increases testosterone too. And also it increases your work output because your muscles are like pre-chilled. I would think it would be... Easy to get injured. No, you just warm up. Just warm up. You warm up. So I go through a series of things that I do that are like pretty low intensity. I do 20 kettlebell swings and then I do 20 pushups. Then I do 20 body weight.
squats and i do a cycle of five so i do 100 swings 100 push-ups 100 bodyweight squats and by the time of that that's like probably 15 minutes by the time that's over i'm sweaty i'm ready to go And then I go into everything else. Dude, I want to show you this picture. I know that, you know, this lake house I have. Nice. New Year's Eve. I don't want to kill our time with this, but.
When do you get to show Joe Rogan this pic? So let me find it. This is New Year's Eve, dude. Cut a hole in the lake with an axe. And I'm just in the lake. Try to do three minutes. That's a safety rope, which I don't know if that could even help me if I fucking pass out. That's nice. Doing a cold plunge in nature. Yeah, not just a tub love the tub too, but man fucking love it I was in I feel amazing after that Utah and they had a creek running through a glacial creek
Freezing cold. Yeah. I climbed in that bitch in my underwear and got up to my neck. That's good stuff. It's nice. It's like something about doing it in nature, too. It's like you're even more connected to everything. Oh, totally. Yeah. Yeah, very cool. Just get in that cold water and breathe. i get like a weird a weird high after for sure for sure it lasts for hours yeah it increases your dopamine by 200 and it lasts for hours so why is it that healthier
than doing a drug that increases your dopamine. Well, because it's natural. Natural. Yeah, it's natural. Also, it gives you something... in terms of mental resilience. It gives you, like, an exercise. That exercise is very difficult, especially for the first minute. It's hard. First minute, your body's like, let's get the fuck out of here. And it keeps talking to you, and you're like, shut up, bitch. And then...
After a minute, that calms down, and you can breathe clean. You start getting those rhythmic breaths in and out, and just keep your shit together for three minutes. And then when you get out, you're like, ah. That's what you do typically three minutes? Yeah. So it's like. One, there's the feeling like I did it.
which feels great. Like I didn't bitch out. I actually did the three minutes. But then there's just like this euphoric feeling as your body just, your norepinephrine, your dopamine, everything elevates. You just feel wonderful. Patience too. My patience is killer. Yeah. Kids. I'm smiling more oh that's fine you can draw on the wall yeah whatever it's like that part of your brain got exhausted
The part of your brain that's dealing with real adversity. So little kids' adversity is nothing. It's not. You're not freezing to death. They're just like, yeah, it's my crayon. Come on, guys. Let's get along. It's been a super benefit to me.
in New York is I don't get to cold plunge as much as I... want to but well they have stuff that you can do like you know you could do it in your tub if you can get ice ice do that they also have these coolers that you can plug in and you could do like uh if you have like one of those big yeti coolers yeah you can
climb in that and you'll put a hose in there and a cooler and it'll bring that down to like 40 degrees and you can just get in like a yeti cooler yeah yeah i bet i bet you could do it in a bathtub too i bet they they figured out how to attach an engine to that yeah
Do they have one? Yeah, they do have one. Oh, yeah. Jamie knows it. So how does it work? I'll show you, but there's just like a little motor thing you attach. So that's perfect. Like if you just have a bathtub, you're golden. You can actually do that. If you live in an apartment that has a tub, you have a cold plunge now.
Or if you don't have that, get yourself a Yeti cooler. Yeti makes some giant-ass coolers, like from people hunt caribou and shit. I just typed in bathtub cold plungers. Yeah, there it is. One, two. So you just have this thing. It plugs in. It cools everything off. And you climb it. How cold does that motherfucker get? 39 degrees. Perfect. It's crazy that now... Never buy ice again. Two-year warranty. We're such comfort zones as humans now that we have to pay $800 to...
Cool our water to get into it. Yeah, it's a bit of an issue. Yeah. Yeah, we're pussies. We're pussies now. We've made life very easy, which is wonderful. It's better than being hard. I don't want to live in the fucking gladiator days. That's what the point was, was to make it easy. To have food and sugar and fat readily available at all times. You don't have to carry a sword with you everywhere.
Dude, I love going to the Natural History Museum in New York and going to the armor. Jesus Christ. It's like what these motherfuckers had to wear and use and carry. Did you ever see that? To defend themselves? It's nuts. From, I think it's Waterloo. One of the battles. One of... one of the french soldiers got hit with a cannonball in the chest and they have the armor that has the hole in the chest like in the cannonball out the back exploding outward look at that dude look at that
Yeah, that's like battle Waterloo that guy got hit with a cannon cannon chest and I bet you his armor salesman was like I'm gonna upsell this guy on and he's like no I don't want the upsell then that's he should he should have be sure I'm telling you this armor That is a great reminder of what society and life used to be like. God damn, man. Look at that one on the other one, Jamie. No, but the one to the left where you see the exit. Right to the left of that.
Yeah, right there. You see the exit hole. Jesus Christ. Boom. Blew right through this guy's body, his armor, his chest, out the back. That's crazy. The size of a fucking softball. Oh. That's fucked up. Yeah, that's pretty fucked up. That's super fucked up. That was life back then. It's better. And that's a guy that could have had armor. That's probably a high-ranking person. Yeah, right. He got...
He got hit. That's a wrap, son. But you got to think that those people would have much rather lived today with all this comfort. Oh, my God. The problem is you just can't rely on it too much. You can't live for comfort. That's stupid. You got to have voluntary discomfort. Yeah. That'll help you get through this life. That's a good way to put it that those people would pick today for sure. Fuck. Yeah.
remember like i went to the museum of medical oddities in philadelphia and they were doing a whole thing on dysentery and it was like oh Most people in the Civil War died of that. Yeah, they didn't die of like wounds and it was like wild that Of course. If you were a soldier today, you don't die of dysentery. That's insane. But they would put the kitchen near the toilet and it was like... And what kind of water are you drinking? Water and all that shit. There's no iodine tablets back then.
Yeah. No Steri pens to clean your water. What's the one I used? I did the Appalachian Trail last year. Not all. Did you really? Just a few days. And I forget the thing I would filter the water with. It was great. Man, there's such cool stuff like that. Oh, yeah, there's great stuff. I mean, millions of those things. Yeah, there's a lot of stuff that will filter water and make it drinkable. And there's all these cool Appalachian Trail communities.
that leaves stuff for people along the trail. Oh, that's cool. So I remember I was just like dying. I'm like, no more snacks. Blood sugar's dropping. I have water, but I'm in it. I'm doing the difficult thing. And then you get to this cooler, and it's like from this Appalachian Trail Club, and it's just like gummy bears in there. Oh, nice. Jesus Christ, man. Nice. That's cool. That's cool they have that set up. Yeah.
It's a weird thing to choose to do, to go for a long walk. That doesn't appeal to it? Serial killers. I mean, there are some famous murders that have happened on the Appalachian Trail, but I felt very safe. Did you? Yeah, I mean, I love the idea. I was alone. I love the idea of finding a place to sleep that's in the middle of nowhere. I love that shit. Dude, I'd be super nervous.
Something about the woods. Really? The woods are dangerous at night. Here's what's crazy about the Appalachian Trail, at least where I was in Jersey. Most of the time I had cell service. Oh, wow. So I'm like in my tent on Instagram. That is kind of crazy. You know what started that for me was during COVID, my wife got me this week with Jordan Jonas in the survival.
Jordan Jonas won alone. He's been on the podcast. Yeah, he's been on the podcast. Yeah, that's right. One lost. Shot a moose with a bow and arrow. I think he killed a wolverine with a hatchet. Yeah, with a hatchet. Stealing his meat. So my wife bought me a week. With the survival camp with him and a bunch of other people. And it was just like one of the things that one of the conclusions I and we came to while we were up in the Bitterroot Mountains of Idaho was at least once a year.
We all need to be doing something where we are embedded with nature. And this might sound silly to somebody who goes hunting or someone who's already doing this, but if you're living a city life, going to the park is not... really experiencing nature. Well, it is a little. Tiny bit. It's nature.
I mean, it's contained nature, but it's real nature. You see squirrels and birds. It's good for you. It's good for you to sit under a tree. Hell yeah. There's ticks. There are ticks. There are ticks, man. Ticks are wild. Fleas, ticks. Your dog's going to get fleas. Yeah.
ticks are a bitch, especially on the East Coast because of Lyme disease, which turns out was man-made. What? Turns out there's a lot of real evidence that Lyme disease was... it was weaponized and that it leaked out of a lab and it came out of a lab called Plum Island, which was close to Lyme, Connecticut. And RFK Jr. firmly believes that this was a weapons program. And what they were going to do is develop...
these fleas and ticks with a disease that spreads rapidly, wipes out the medical system of a community, so you could dump them from a plane. Everybody gets infected, overwhelms their medical system, and then they're... more vulnerable if you want to attack them. That just doesn't seem very thought through though. Well, there's some less thought through ones.
There's one that they were developing at one point in time. I don't know where they got with it, but there was talk of them developing a bomb that they would detonate over cities that would blind everybody. Holy shit. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Imagine that. Imagine you detonate that and then you have 300,000 blind people. Isn't it amazing what we can do in a positive light and also what we can do in a negative light? Oh, we're scary.
And we're scary in our ability to justify these things. Yeah. You know, that's really crazy. Yeah. We're scary in our ability to. to decide that these people are the other so we should bomb them into oblivion and like yeah we're winning like oh my god like what are you talking about you don't even know those people the other is a is a um effective strategy Well, it's built in to our tribal brains. Is that right? Yeah.
We had Daryl Cooper on the podcast yesterday. He runs a podcast called Martyr Made. And one of the things he talked about was oxytocin. And he was like, it's really interesting because oxytocin makes you really deeply love your family and your community. And this is what women get when they have children and men get and when you're in love and this But it also makes you very hostile to outsiders crazy
It's like it protects the people that you love and that are vulnerable, but it makes you very protective of the outside. So you are less likely to trust strangers, less likely to trust other people. And it probably served an enormously benefit. It was probably very beneficial. In the caveman days, you had to have it. Yeah. You had to have it. There was no friendly people coming over with spears.
You know, they found you and you had women and food like you're fucked. Right. And that was most of our evolutionary existence. Most of the time from leaving the savannas and, you know, experimenting with different foods and becoming human. We were fighting. And that's got to be undone as long as it took to make that, which is a very long time.
Yeah. That's being undone. Yeah. Yeah. Well, slowly but surely. And if we all give in to our God AI, we will be fine. We all just need to submit to the chip. and become a part of the hive mind, and everyone's going to read each other's minds, and there'll be no more secrets, and there'll be no more violence. They really want us to do AI.
Oh yeah, everybody does. It's inevitable, man. I know, but even I write an email now and it's like, you want us to polish this thing? And it's like, I don't even want you anywhere near me. Right. I know. Well, you know, Samsung, they were the first to... wheel out AI with their Galaxy S24 Ultra. I have two phones. I have an iPhone and I have a Galaxy phone. And what I really like about the Galaxy phone is if I use Samsung's browser, I can go on websites and it gives me a summary.
So instead of like reading this long-winded Tell me what you figured out right and then I can get a summary and then I get into oh They've realized that earth is actually buh buh buh buh buh right. Oh Okay, cool. It's like quicker. And then it also does a lot of things. It transcribes things. It translates things in other languages. Translates it directly into your ear if you have the Galaxy earbuds. Pretty fucking crazy. That's crazy. Yeah. It's wild shit, man.
And this is just the beginning of this stuff. Essentially, when you have ChatGPT or Grok on your phone, you have access to the most insane amount of answering power. that a human being's ever experienced. We could ask it questions about what was the reason why Columbus... And then it'll give you a fucking historical, detailed 5,000-word essay on what went down. You're like, this is nuts. But it's only as good as the... food it's been fed, correct? Right.
Well, that's why Google had abandoned theirs because it kept me. Oh, yeah. Was that the like show me a Nazi or whatever? And it was like a beautiful black woman or something. Native American woman, Nazi. It was a Chinese lady, Nazi. We covered that on the show. That was a trip. That was just a good example of wokeness. An ideology interfering with information. Like, that's crazy. Nazis look like German men. Make them look like German men, you fucking idiots. Yeah. This is dumb. But this, like...
But they won't say bye-bye. They'll just come back with a newer version that doesn't do that. Well, they did. Certainly they did. I mean, Google Gemini is one of the search engines. I mean, if you have an Android phone and you press that button and you ask Google a question, it's Google Gemini. So they've fixed that. They've fixed that.
But it's also like, how much did you fix it? Did you get it out 100%? Is this objective information? If I want to ask a question about a controversial subject, will you give me the real data? Yeah. Or will you give me some whitewashed bullshit version of it that's supposed to be acceptable? today. I want to know what's going on. My Wikipedia page has said that I'm Greek for as long as I'm alive. Greek women show up to my show. These beautiful Greek women. They have dessert. Greek people.
No one's ever fucking checked. I'm not Greek. But Costas is such a Greek name. It makes perfect sense. It fits with the ideology or the idea that, you know. And somebody wrote an article once that I was Greek.
no you know it's like a blog this showed a picture of me and no one checked and it's just it's just kept spiraling and it's like really funny for me after the show these beautiful greek people come up and they say we're so happy and i and they say where are your parents from and all this shit and i go we're fucking ukrainian i don't want to tell you
Thanks for the dessert. Do they get a sourpuss? Huh? Do they get a sourpuss? Or they'll be like, no. What's funny is they'll go like, no, he is. You are one of us. But the internet isn't always right, everybody. It's lots of times it's wrong. Well, the internet is filled with purposeful misinformation today, too. Yeah. Especially if you get on social media. Holy shit, man. So much of what social media is is bots.
I don't think people even really truly understand it. We've covered it many times before, but there was an FBI, former FBI agent who examined Twitter interactions, and he estimated as much as 80% of it. It's bots. It's fake bullshit. This is like when Elon... was buying it and they were trying to say it was 5%.
Because there's no way it's 5%. Because if you're an out-of-state actor, if you're a state actor from another country, you're from China, Russia, and you're involved in misinformation campaigns, you're going to be well-sourced. You're going to be well-resourced. You're going to probably have thousands. and millions of accounts. Who knows? You're going to carpet bomb any sort of controversial subject with all sorts of propaganda. Of course they're going to do that.
Of course. And right now that's totally doable until you all submit to AI. Once you put the chip in your brain, then deception will be impossible. We will eliminate one of the biggest problems in society. You just have to take the leap of faith and they'll be like... an infomercial leap of faith and then you see the guy sitting there dude it's always like the image of AI it's always like a door is opening and it's bright light I know come to Jesus Yeah, it's tricky because it's inevitable.
They can't not do it because China's going to do it. The power that AI is going to have over populations and with the distribution of information is going to be unprecedented. Also, you're never going to know what's real and what's not in terms of news stories because they'll be able to...
fake news stories that would be indistinguishable. It'll look just like a real plane crash. It'll look like a real missile hit something. It'll look like things and it won't have ever happened. And you won't be able to know. And it's going to get weird. It's going to get real weird. We've already seen AI versions of Obama talking, saying things he never said. There's AI versions of Trump giving speeches he never gave. There's AI versions of me having a podcast with Steve Jobs.
This was a while ago. Shit. Yeah, those deep fakes. I mean, there's like the funny one of Trump rubbing Elon's feet. Yeah. Those are so obviously a joke, but they had the Biden voice calling people. Well, there's a lot of AI ladies now that are on Instagram. Oh, shit. You look at the images, you're like, oh, this isn't a real person. Right.
they have the same smile in every picture and they're all in different places and, and people are like, you know, contacting them and DMing them and they'll probably responding and probably telling you about their grandma's sick and get some money. Right. Get some money. Yeah. It's not as clear as like, Oh, they have,
three breasts this is this is fake yeah is this AI oh this is a guy the webcam wow this is crazy look at the eyes you know it kind of reminds me of like the my kids watch these shows and the eyes are always so big because the kids pay attention to that. That is weird. She is pretty. She's beautiful. It's a dude. It's a dude on OnlyFans. So that dude will have beautiful tits and be able to show you the...
Which just sucks because then everybody's jerking off to that. Is that better than exploitation? I think it is. It's better than exploitation, yes. So there you go. It's better than real women doing it. He's not going to think his wife is as beautiful because he's been jerking. Oh, yeah. There's those problems.
Yes, but you're right. That's better than exploitation. You both have to put the headgear on. She's having sex with Brad Pitt. You're having sex with Angelina Jolie. This account is that. It's 1.7 million followers. And it's totally fake lady. I think so. Oh, look. You see her feet? She posts tweets that are, you know, talking shit.
jokes yeah stuff but then there's a bunch of pictures of this like fake person wow yeah it's weird it is weird man and it's gonna get weirder and you're gonna have AI presidential candidates AI is gonna tell you that we can solve all the world's problems If we just eliminate human interaction and just let this brilliant AI govern everything and do it in a much more equitable manner I Yeah, I I'm fearful that
I don't even know the language to help my kids figure this shit out. Right. Because the language hasn't even really been spoken yet. I mean, I love to advocate for media literacy. Push for that, teaching all of us what a more reputable website is or a news source. But that just feels cute compared to what the language of an AI.
president who offers all solutions i don't mean i don't know how to combat that not just that but an ai that's attached to quantum computing yeah so once they figure out a way to actually program quantum computing to run ai you're gonna have a god
It's fucked up, dude. You are. You're going to have a God. Yeah. I mean, Mark Andreessen, and I've said this before, I apologize, but Mark Andreessen had a quote about... equation that quantum computing was able to solve that if you took the entire universe every Molecule every atom in the universe and you can convert converted that into a supercomputer the entire universe would die of heat death before it could solve this problem. And quantum computing solved it in minutes.
The only thing that makes sense to them is that quantum computing is somehow or another tapping into the multiverse. And it's solving this equation using... multiple universes and the information available in multiple universes simultaneously. What? I know. It's hard to even track. Yeah. And this is just the version of it that we have in 2025. Right, that we have right now. And so this is an actual thing that's happened.
And so most people aren't even aware what quantum computing means. So once this becomes not just one of these, but hundreds of these, and then they're scalable and they're attached to nuclear reactors, which is what they're proposing. They're going to have their own nuclear reactors, multiple nuclear reactors, as power sources because these things require insane amounts of power to run. Then the quantum computing, once it becomes sentient, is going to develop a much better version of itself.
And that's going to scale up. But you know what we're always going to need? Plumbing. Carpentry. That's why all this shit feels so intimidating. Because I can never wrap my head around that. Maybe we should be learning real skills and trades. Well, that would be nice for people, but people are going to be obsolete.
You know, that's really what's happening is we're giving birth to a digital life form that's far superior and doesn't have all the requirements that we have and also doesn't have all the flaws that we have. Yeah. Doesn't have greed and anger and all this. things that we have doesn't get tired yeah doesn't get jealous doesn't have lust doesn't have jealousy and envy isn't you know depressed i think we're far away from that yeah probably a couple weeks yeah The thing is, once it happens...
It's going to be so fast. It's going to be so hard to track. If you think the Industrial Revolution, comparatively, if you look at the history of the human race, you go from Stone Age people to Bronze Age, you go through all the different wars, all the different... And then in the last 200 years, everything changes radically. Right. Radically. In the last 20 years, information changes radically. This is going to be like 20 seconds.
This is getting like one day. Right. It's up. It's up and running and it's completely in control of everything. It's completely in control of. Power, completely in control of information, completely in control of transportation. Water distribution. Every car you have on the road today that's within the last 15, 20 years has computers in it. Yeah. Yeah. Our car got totally dismantled because a rat ate a wire. Oh, yeah, that happens. That fed to the computer. Everything mechanical was great.
But it's like, oh, this shit can't even come close to running without the screen and the software. Yeah. You know, it's like, I remember I almost bought a 1968 Dodge Dart when I lived in L.A. I lifted up the hood as if I had any clue what I was looking at. But this is like. An engine and a hose. Yep. It's so fucking perfect. Radiator, engine, carburetor. Exactly. Carburetor. It's crazy. And now, literally, the mechanic...
He goes, let me show you the wire. And he shows me the wire. It's all bitten with these little tiny rat teeth because they make the wire out of soy. And then he takes me to the back to this enormous dumpster, and it's just filled. With these little electronic wires of everybody in New York that had rats eating their shit. Wow. Isn't that crazy? That's crazy. They make them out of soy. I don't know why they would do that. Maybe because we subsidize.
Soybean farmers probably how weird that the rats know that it's food or that they figured it out that it's food Or it isn't really food, but it smells like food, and they bite into it, and they realize this shit sucks. It's an electrical wire. They can eat everything, though. They eat each other.
I had a rat problem in my house once when I lived in Encino, and I set a rat trap in my garage, and I killed this big, fat rat, and I was tired. I was like, I don't feel like cleaning this fucking rat right now. I'm going to go to sleep.
And I heard the snap, and I went out there. He's a big fucker. He was a big, big fucker. The rat traps are no joke. So I got up in the morning and went out to clean the rat trap, and he was gone. The only thing that was left was his tail. They had eaten everything. It was like sun. Dumb skin and hair, but his entire body, the rats consumed. They ate their buddy. They ate their buddy.
That is fucked up. It was fucked up. And it made me realize, like, oh, God. Like, this is the reality of what this is. These aren't just rodents. These are fucking cannibals. It's like that when that rugby team crashed in the mountains and they were like, should we start eating each other? And their religion comes into play and they talk about it and they vote about it. But the rats are just like, fucking eat it.
Yeah, they just go right to it. They didn't even wait a day. Dude, the rats in New York City have just... Oh, yeah. COVID opened the door because everything was shut. All the trash was out. They were everywhere. They went everywhere. And then they're still running shit. And it's not enjoyable. Have you seen the documentary on Netflix? I don't know. Rats?
No. Oh, God. It talks about how many rats there are in New York City. Yeah, like eight per person or some shit. Something crazy like that. Like, the biomass is similar. Like, the humans and rats, like, the amount of humans there are, the weight of the humans is very similar, roughly. Oh, shit.
There's fucking millions of them underground. They live in these little tunnels and they just fucking feed off our garbage. I mean, I remember before COVID, I would stand on the subway platform at my train stop and... I would watch the rats on the tracks, and then the train would come, and they would scurry because they'd feel the train coming. Now, they just step off like an inch.
And the train goes right past them, but they're close. Like they've just got like more confidence and more intelligence, more bold, more intelligence. Like they probably the food ran dry during COVID. So they had to get like a little hyper aggressive. I don't know what. I don't know what, but it's, yeah, it's, and they're eating your car.
Such creeps. I parked in New York once to get gas. This is in the 90s before cell phones. And I went to a payphone to make a phone call. And I was watching the rats. while my car was filling up with gas, jumping on the wheel, climbing into the wheel wells. Just trying to figure shit out. Just jumping all over the outside of my car. I was like, what the fuck? That's crazy. And that's the 90s. That's the 90s. It's like, wait, how many have...
How many did they have then? And they've probably exponentially expanded. So are they just so good at reproducing? They're just that good at it, huh? Well, they're really clever, too. One of the things they show in this documentary is when they put poison in these areas where these...
They send some young stupid rat to go test it, and they sit back and watch. That's fucked up. And this young stupid rat eats it, and you watch. And I go, oh, yeah, all right. Then they go eat that rat that died. Right. Yeah. They're clever little fuckers. I remember, I thought that's how coyotes hunted. Like, because I've got, we used to golf in Griffith Park in LA and you would see one coyote and I learned like the pack would send out one. Yeah. Go look.
Check it out to get dogs. That's how they get dogs and the dog will run and then a bunch of other ones will pile on to him Yeah, that's fucked up. There's a horror movie. Sorry. What's that screen on accident before? Rats Night of Terror 1984. Oh, yeah, it was a goofy ass shit. It looks hilarious. It's a claw out of her mouth. Oh, that is a good one. Rats Night of Terror.
Yeah, they've always been a fucking terrifying animal, man. They've always been terrifying. Actually, roaches freak me out more, but rats I at least can sympathize with and understand that they're like... living beings with you know families and shit but roaches though i don't know man that's just
The way they fucking are so quiet you don't even know they're there. Well, that's the thing about cities. They're just infested by all these parasites that live off of the city. You know? And essentially rats... If the city didn't exist, there was no way there would be that many rats in an area. They only exist in a place that doesn't have anything that eats them. They've tunneled under, so they protect themselves from raptors, so there's no birds that fly down and snatch them up.
There are coyotes in New York City, but there's not nearly enough to deal with the amount of fucking rats that are there. It's gross. Did you ever see that movie Dark Days about the people that lived in the subway tunnels? Oh, yeah. That's a fucking wild movie. It's like Vegas, right? It was in New York, I believe. Oh, right, right, right. Some of these motherfuckers were like running an extension cord. Like 500 feet. Yeah, they had like opened wires up and spliced into things.
And it's like, you know. Yeah, they have generators down there. Watching TV and shit. Bizarre, man. I mean, what the fuck? What keeps you going? You know, there's like wealthy people that are committing suicide. Yeah, exactly. And these motherfuckers are like grinding. I mean, this is like. In the time. This is deep in the tunnels. And anyone who's lived in New York City, you look down those tunnels and you go, what's down there, man? Right. And every now and then kids go, let's go look.
Oh, that's the only part of the trailer of this show. That's fascinating. There's good monster movies that take place in tunnels, too. Yeah. Because it's always like you wonder what's down there. Yeah, that'd be a good, wasn't that like the strain? Wasn't that part of the vampire lore that they lived in the tunnels? Oh, I don't know. But tunnels are creepy, man. Oh, yeah. When you cross into complete darkness. Cities are creepy.
You stack all those people on top of each other like that, and everybody's just walking down the street together and going down alleyways. And then the cities today are so much safer than they ever were in the past. Yeah. You know, like who the fuck wanted to live in the cities in like 1700s? Dude, and like there was just like a trough for sewage and then like people would die of the plague and they would just throw them in the street. I know, I never...
Do you live in the city now? I live in Brooklyn now. Yeah. So it's kind of like city. Well, no, it is the city, but it's not like Manhattan on top of each other. Do you live in hipster Brooklyn? I live in Bed-Stuy Brooklyn, which is becoming hipster. Bed-Stuy, do or die. Yeah, it's becoming hipster Brooklyn. Mike Tyson grew up. That's right. They gentrified the shit out of that place, huh? Yeah, I mean, it's on its way. It's on its way. And it's not full hipster. Are there hipsters anymore?
Well, I was just reading something like that about like the people that dress like, you know, they were like a like a postal employee from the 1700s. I always my definition of a hipster was always like. Dad's money dressed like they don't have money. But what's a hipster? But there's also the hipsters that would dress with curly mustaches and bow ties. Yeah, those guys. Yeah, so that's not Bed-Stuy yet. That's Williamsburg. That's kind of died off, though. Hasn't that look kind of died off?
It has, right? It's died off. I would say what's more common is the gender androgyny dressing. Oh, yeah. That's a good move. You can get a lot of pussy that way. That's a big Brooklyn. That's a big Brooklyn move. Yeah. Yeah, it's great. I mean, it's great for comedy. Oh, yeah. Walking around Brooklyn, the shit you see. You know, last January, our front door.
It was broken. It didn't lock all the way. It was broken for 18 hours. Okay? No one knows it's broken. Just our building. It's only three apartments. Somebody checks the door. It's not locked. They go up to our hallway. They steal all my family's winter coats, including mine. This is the heart of January. So as a family, we wake up. Let's go to the park. Let's do whatever. We open the door. This is where we kept our coats in the hallway. Everything's gone.
So it's like, holy shit, it's the middle of January. All our shit's gone. I call the detective, the cops come, whatever. He's like, these motherfuckers walk up and down the street every night checking for every door just to see if something is broken. A year and a half later, I've been looking for this one coat that I love, this scotch and soda multi-color pattern coat. I love it. I'm just looking online for my coat, right? Someone's got to sell my coat. So I find it on Poshmark.
The coat. I don't know if it's my coat, but it's the exact same coat, which you can't find at Scottsdale anymore. I buy it. It comes from my neighborhood, from a woman. She sends it to me. I put it on. My wife is like, that is your coat. 100% that's your coat. So I fucking bought my coat back from the person that stole it, most likely.
Do you know who the lady is? I don't. I did a Google search and nothing really came up. And I was just like, how hard do I want to fight this? At least you got your coat back. I got my coat back. That's just like the price you pay for living in Brooklyn. Yeah, and like, it's winter. And I feel...
part of me is like, holy shit, someone had to steal our coats? That sucks. I've never even thought about not having a coat. I have a coat. I have multiple coats. So there's a part of me that was just like, Come ask, I'll give you a fucking coat. And the part of you is like, oh, they're selling them online. Yeah, fuck you, that's my coat. They're making a profit. That's the difference between the heartfelt...
compassionate view, like, oh, these poor people, they have to steal coats. Then you're like, oh, actually, they're selling it, so they get fucking heroin money. Well... If that's the case, that sucks. It does suck. Yeah, it's a weird thing about living in large communities of people like that. There's just too many variables. A lot of variables that are not good.
One person affects so many sure the one guy on my street that doesn't do a good job with the trash It gets knocked over the wind blows it the rest of the street picks it up That's the shit that as you get older the city starts to fuck fuck you up I don't want to pick his trash up anymore my time is all I have I'll pick up my family's trash and my trash I don't want to pick up that guy's trash the one guy who doesn't clean his dog poo right
And you know it, the little tiny poos. You're like, motherfucker, I know that's your dog. I see that little dog. He's sneaky bitch. Pick up the dog poo. Pick up it up, bro. People don't like carrying around those bags of turds. No, I mean, it's disgusting. It's pretty gross. It's gross. It's also like, come on. Yeah. Can't just leave shit. You know what's a weird thing to me is the smokers. Because smokers have no problem littering. That's the weirdest thing. Somehow that...
Got through the litter loophole. Right. With people that are pretty conscientious. Like, they would never throw a soda can on the ground. Yeah. But they'll throw that cigarette on the ground and step on it. And they're like, what are you doing? Oh, someone's going to clean that. Like, what? I hope those are biodegradable, the filters. No. No. No, I doubt it. I'm giving him too much credit. I mean, maybe in like 100,000 years.
How long does it take for a cigarette filter to biodegrade? Let's take a guess. I was thinking not the best reason for it, but if you just throw it in the trash, you could start a fire if you didn't put it out right. No, you step on it, man, and then you throw it in the trash. People don't step on it all the time, I'm just telling you.
People are dumb, so this is a dumb thing we're talking about. Nah, they're doing it where there's no trash anywhere near them. They're throwing it down in alleyways. They used to do it in a lot of the comedy store all the time. Comics would do it. I'm like, come on, man. Come on, dudes. Don't do that.
I bet you it's 200 years for a filter. Yeah, I would say at least. If it's like styrofoam or some shit, it's like a thousand. Yeah, it's a fucking fiberglass or some shit. By the way, is that even better for you? 18 months to 10 years.
18 months to 10 years. That's pretty big. Yeah. That's AI. You know what I mean? Oh, it depends on which one. I'm sure they don't all use the same one. Like American spirits probably have like hemp or something like that. Yeah, those fucking... Yeah, hippie smokes. Hold on.
Now, it's cellulose. Huh. Wait, what? I don't know. This is where we're getting into this weird spot of AI. I was going to bring that up. Google AI stuff fucks up all the time. Look on the screen. It says 18 months to 10 years here.
Right. Oh, yeah. I go right here. Are cigarettes biodegradable? No, they're not biodegradable. They're made of plastic called cellulose acetate, which can take up to 10 years to break down. Also leach toxic chemicals into the environment. But it does break down. It's not biodegradable. So it breaks. It's poison. It just breaks into smaller toxic pieces. Yeah, it breaks into poison. Also, if you're smoking a filter and the filter's got toxic chemicals. Yeah, exactly. And you're heating it up.
Photodegradable. It seems like a nice, fun term they find. Photodegradable. Oh, but not biodegradable. What does that mean? Trap residues from smoke, including arsenic, cadmium, and toluun. Toluun? Who knows? This is the issue with AI. I try not to even, but it's contradicting itself. I was reading a thing where a professor was talking about the issues that he's having grading papers and accusing people of using AI. And then it's like, it's just opened up this whole door.
that they don't know exactly how to deal with. Because you could get AI and write something, and then you could write something similar. You just kind of twist it around a little bit like a joke thief would do. And then you're basically using AI to write your papers. But I think AI...
We'll sell that professor AI detection software. Yeah, but if you do a good job of spinning the words around a little bit, especially if you're dealing with like historical facts or something that's true, like AI is going to lay it out for you. You have to do zero research.
And if it's like, you just print it in that order slightly differently. I guess the bigger question is, does writing the term paper serve a value at this point if AI can just do it? Right. You know, I spent a lot of time learning cursive.
I mean, what the fuck is that? It's useless. The thing is, it's like, if you're a student, though, if you're really trying to get the most out of your education, it's like, what are you trying to do? Are you trying to get good grades or are you really trying to get educated? If you're trying to get educated, don't cheat. Actually figure it out. Actually absorb the information and learn.
If you're not really into that subject, and that's not really your thing, and you really want to get a degree in this, but you have to take a course in that, and you could spend an hour working on something instead of 16 hours. Yeah, or if you want to be a skateboarder. You got to have pipe outside to have AI, do the term paper and go fucking. Yeah. You don't have to read that fucking giant 1400 page book.
Well, this is also a bigger question about our education and public schools. Dude, you're going to be in the matrix. You don't need education. They're going to plaque it in, press a button, and you're going to be like, Neo. I know Kung Fu. That's what it's going to be. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I really firmly believe that.
I also believe it's going to be genetic engineering. So people are going to be unrecognizable. I think whatever we have coming over the next hundred years is going to make the last hundred years look like a joke. Right. The change of 1925 to... 2025 is pretty extraordinary. It's going to be nothing compared to the change that we experienced by 21-25. Do you think humans will always...
elevate themselves and speak to a crowd for laughs? That might be the only thing we have left. Because they've always said it's prostitution and... In comedy. In comedy, where the court jester and the prostitute. I'm curious if we think in the future that'll remain as well. I hope so. I hope so. Yeah, it would suck.
Well, definitely memes. Memes will probably get better. That's a good form of comedy. That's true. There'll be some kind of comedy. There's always going to be human folly, as long as there's humans. And I don't know how long that's going to last. That's the real concern. We might be obsolete. And we might be giving birth to this obsolete thing willingly, signing up for AI. So if we become obsolete, then that means the machines will have to also...
Figure out how to provide energy to itself, but that'll be easy. They'll learn to just plug this into this I'll do it way better than us. Just mind the thing and burn the thing and then right Yeah, they'll probably harness some shit. We didn't even think about right and it'll be far more efficient
No carbon footprint, enough to worry about things breaking down anymore. And then we'll just slowly die off or whatever. Then they'll put up a shield system to protect us from asteroids. They'll figure that out. Right. Yeah. What's that movie where Sylvester Stallone lives in the basement of the earth or whatever?
Judge Dredd? Yeah, maybe it's Judge Dredd. I am the law. But I feel like it's all these people who refuse the advancement of technology, right? There's going to be some of that. Yeah, there'll be a lot of people living in the Amazon, still eating monkeys. The rest of the electrified world is going to be very strange. Yeah. Yeah. But hopefully we'll still crack jokes, Michael. That would be great. Hopefully.
All right, should we wrap this up? Your book, tell everybody. My book is called- Do you have a copy? Dude. There it is. Thank you. Lucky loser. The publisher's going to kill me. I said I was going to present it to you on the show. Whoopsies. We got a photo of it. Doesn't matter. Adventures in tennis and comedy. Lucky loser. Get me a copy and I'll put it out there in the bookshelf.
Got a lot of books out there. We should have sent you one. If you don't, I'll get you one. Yeah, so the book starts when my brother gave me a tennis racket for Christmas when I was four. Nice. And my dream was to be a professional tennis player. And we did it, but only to 864 in the world. That's my highest world ranking. You should have turned into a chick. You could have dominated. That's the point of the book. But it's...
The story is how I went from pro tennis to comedy, and it's fascinating and silly and a lot of failure. Talking a lot about the struggles of being alone. In both of those professions, tennis, you're alone, problem solving, and comedy, you're alone in problem solving. Well, you're a great comic. You're a very funny guy, and you've always been very cool to hang out with. Thanks. And I'm really excited that you're at the club this weekend. Are there any tickets available?
I got an email yesterday from my management that all shows are sold out. So if anybody wants to go, the best case... thing is you go and wait at the front and sometimes people don't show up which does happen especially the south by southwest it's crazy parking and uh but uh i'm psyched
I'm psyched to see you at the club. I'm coming this weekend. I'll come hang out. Dude, thank you. That would be awesome. My pleasure. Thanks for having me, and congrats on the club and all that's happening. I appreciate it. Thank you, and congrats on everything. Thank you. Congrats on the daily show. All right. Bye, everybody. Thank you.