Meaning a light Man like this man letting butterfly flapping and wing big down in the forest.
Man gonna cause the tree fold, letting five thousand miles away.
Man, nobody seen nobody. You don't need to know. Man, we don't. It's like you followed another story and you got back to fect that that's still win. Man, don't black and dag on Panama. Man, Man, you don't don't matter. Man anyway, taking time to.
Have me on recording? Now, by the way, are we Yeah? I just did you reminded me I should probably do that?
Okay, great, Okay, We're just we missed out a whole bunch of ship where we were talking.
Get a great bit. Uh, Shall we have a really unclear intro that will leave the audience confused and angered?
Capture with our show where you feel like you walked into a deeply uncomfortable room and yeah, don't know whether you're half in half out, Like where should I be had right now?
You should feel like you you took the wrong turn on a hall and instead of like walking in to see your accountant, you walked into like a white trash funeral and Grandma's you know she's she's spread out and like your brauns and Uncle Randma screaming at each other about a about a four thousand dollars life insurance policy. That should be the experience of listening to this podcast.
So you turned the corner. You're in a white trash funeral. You're in the back rooms, and if this is going to be a nasty afternoon.
One of my buddies, and it's generally, from what I've heard, a very positive job. But he started working at a funeral home and there are pros and comes to the job. The pros are you provide an actual, legitimate service in exchange for money. It's not a given in this world. The downside is as badly behaved as you think someone would act at a funeral, just ten x that. Like, there there's a whole behind the office system for marking
troubled individuals. There's there's there's lying, cheating, forgery, right uh for for the smallest amount of money you can imagine.
Because you would think it would be unidirectional. That everyone gets the idea that it's the funeral homes are taking advantage of people, but it could very well be the other way around. It's a divorce attorney you're dealing with people who are whose entire financial universe is blowing up before your eyes, and you're hoping that you're going to get paid, you know, like maybe maybe things get lost
in the shuffle. Funny story, one of the agencies that I worked for years ago primarily dealt with funeral homes, but all the other sort of satellite organizations and companies, and they call it death care. You've got your healthcare over here, but then there's a death care industry, and the unfortunate news is death care is booming, and that's a sector, that's an industry, I guess you could call it.
That is very attractive to investors right now because you're seeing it now, but you're going to see it even more in the future. Boomers just dying, and then there's going to be a lot it's a very real logistical problem considering the cemetery space you're going to need to facilitate all this because, as we were talking about before we went live, boomers, you know, they take their life
and death very seriously. You know, we're talking about made up here in Canada, and I think the line we ended on was there's so many people who should be committing suicide that aren't. And that's a problem. And we were saying that boomers they cling on, they clean on right to the very end. But they're going to have money put aside for a big funeral, a big grave plot, and then what are you gonna do? Like this is
gonna be the salad days for funeral homes. But you know, it's a strange thing to think, like you gotta think ahead, what are we gonna do with all these fucking corpses? But you know, that's what they're talking about their conventions.
Weirdly, one of the other big problems is the desire to cling on to life so strongly that you just never make any plans whatsoever, like no will, because that would require you to admit that you were mortal, that you might not be around. Just no planning whatsoever. And uh yeah, man, it's uh, it's it's grim. But let me tell you. You say, it's like divorce, but only half of people need a divorce lawyer. One people need
a guy to cart their corpse around. And so you know, if you're looking for for job security, it's probably a pretty decent bet. I as far as I understand the working conditions, are somewhat grim, but uh, you know what, every job is in some way humiliating and soul killing. So it's kind of just up to you, where are you apportion that.
I'm just gonna say this. Jay Burden is such a pro and so good at this job of hosts. It sounded like he was teeing up for a sponsor ad. Read right there like I could death brought to you by James's fucking corpse eaters. I did not think that through. I got I got to talk about walking into a room that you don't know.
If you're an advertising guy, you get halfway through and you're like, we can't advertise. This seems cannibalism. This what have we been advertising? We're looking for recruits, We're looking for.
Why the funk? Not nothing? Nothing matters that. I'm just nihilistic, Don Draper.
Nothing matters.
Everyone dies, everyone's gay.
You're drinking not to get through the day, but just to sort of numb the existential dread that all is vanity.
Everyone mad men drinking. It's like, I just I didn't know we couldn't do that. Everyone in the office pretending that they're not drinking, and things like it's this is alcohol like a fucking gym Downey bit.
I've got an idea of resurrecting mad men, you know, doing what we kind of do here, uh in the West, which is we take something that's successful and reboot it, you know, years later. But instead of being about you know, chisel jawed, clean shaven, high powered advertising executives, it's just the modern day version of that, which is like thirteen of the dimmest people you went to college, all on a Zoom meeting, you know, trying to figure out what they can steal from Canva and pass off as their
own work. And they're also alcoholics.
It's really just a documentary on what it's like to being an ad agency. Right now, you just describe my fucking life. How can I cheat shutter Stock? Okay? Do they still already allowed to pirate Adobe? It's like, I know there's a new version, but they don't really have anything that matters. It's AI, who gives a fuck? All I need is the Lasso tool.
Really, I mean to that point, man, I have and this, for the sake of any Adobe account executive is satirical. It's a joke, but as someone who's only used pirated versions of Adobe software. I actually do not know the English name for any function because like I just learned it all pictorially, you know, so it's like, I don't know, it's cyrillic. It's like the R shape. What do you want me to say?
It's so fucking funny, just and you just downloaded by acent there is an English version. It's like, fuck it, I'm just gonna learn strill.
Like man on per one hundred percent. It was like when I was like fourteen the first time I did it, and now it's like, well, I mean it's not like I look at the terms anyway, Like what is it?
This is how the rest of the world does it. They get a cracked version of something that's English, so they have to learn English. And that's what got into this predicament.
Yeah, really sick you're saying, is times is that I'm part of the problem.
I'm saying every single person is a part of the problem, and they need to be aware of what part they have to play.
You know, maybe maybe we can kind of we can align some interests here. Canada wants to kill people and Doobe wants to suck people dry and punish them harshly for pirting their software so so far made is like a therapy, right, it's medical treatment. Oh you've got ibs. Oh you're old.
Oh you're a.
White person, so just kill yourself. What if we added another additional criteria, which is that Adobe sends a box truck to your house, throws you in the back, and then takes you to Canadian doctor and kills you.
Yeah, I mean I like that idea, just off the top. Right now, I'm going to give you my read on that idea, my gut reaction. I like it because I like the idea of being thrown in a truck and killed generally if Adobe is involved, sure, if Ike is involved, why not. See, I just really want I'm trying to get I really want to be thrown into a truck
and slaughtered. And I think it sucks that the Canadian government's doing it because you get the sense they're going to give you estrogen before they do it, they're doing a pump you full of something.
Just because also being killed in a gay way, which I think, you know, ultimately, if we're looking at you know, what is the deepest, darkest fear of man, It's like death is there, but really it's dying in like a gay way because like you think about it, like you know, men have always been, you know, involved in war and conflicts, and you know, the guys who you know saw their friends die kind of edit the stories, right, you get the like noble version of it, and you know film
they kind of show you, you know, once you have you know, movies, what it's like. But now, thanks to like four k uh drone footage, we get to see the horrors of war, not only in some poor Russian conscript being turned into chef boyardy, but also we get to see the like, oh you you look stupid, which is just like to be on a state literally fate worse than death, and so the Canadian government euthanizing you.
It's like, well you die, that's you know, not always a positive, but also that you're right, they are going to make you gay before they kill you.
I'm there on what I assume is an operating table. I'm imagining like a lethal injection in a prison, because why why wouldn't they And then as I'm fading, as my eyes are dimming, I see a drone flying overhead recording it. And then before it goes back, I see they're taking out the lipstick to put lipstick on me. That's well, now I'm gaining from the world.
Well, the uh this is this is super dark. But one of my my brother in law, actually has been writing or an article about euthanasia and so he's just been kind of interested in this topic and he pulled it was from the Atlantic, this article because what they're doing that's super cool in the Netherlands is that they are they're extending these sort of programs to minors. Right, if you're like sixteen, you can get it done. And the tone of it is, of course, you know, relatively neutral.
They're like, uh, maybe it is cool to kill teenagers, which you know, I'm sympathetic to that argument. But there's this like sort of slice of life where you're you're seeing like the first one of the first kids get killed by the state and it's like, wow, this was such a dignified moment. And that's how they describe it, of course. And then the actual thing is that they
just put GTA five on demo lode. So he's in his like crappy bedroom getting mutanized watching GDA five play itself, which is it's just the darkest thing I can imagine they're.
Putting on a penns one demo thing. It's like it's like a trailer for the game.
It came out of a checks box in two thousand and three.
See I've been I've been nursing this theory for a while. That Jay Burns actually like almost forty. He's been making a lot of bank, a lot of cloud. I'm being this gen Z guy. No, he's a fucking unk. That's a unk reference right there.
Yeah, I'm a I'm a as the kid say, I'm unked out.
Uh yeah, I wouldn't get gets up in the morning. Is bones creak?
That is actually true. That's just a there is a point in your life as a man where you have to pick which part of your body doesn't work forever. And I have, I've I've rolled like a gnat one. I got knees. Tell you there's just no cartilage left. What are you up to?
J What have you been doing with your knees?
Part of it like a series of like injuries in kind of my adolescence. The other thing is like you just do like wrestling in jiu jitsu, your knees are just destroyed. And a smart person would say well, how about you either pursue alternate activities or do those activities differently. And my response is that sounds gay. So I'm just going to wake up every morning in moderate to severe pain and look longingly over at the shotgun in a corner and wonder if today's the day.
Yeah. What's wild is that if I explain that to a younger version of myself, they might see that as horrific. But having gone through it, I think now I'm there. I think, Okay, it's not so bad. If I had to pick up part of my body and not to work again or just be rid of it'd probably be my penis. I'm just sick of the shit.
Well, good news. You know when when you when you go to the doctor and you're euthanized live via drone footage, your organs will be redistributed, and there is there's a little somewhere out in the world, maybe a programmer or a graphic designer. It's gonna get your penis dimes surgically attached, so you will live.
A graphic designer, he will squander it. Because you know when you're when you're young, in your teens, your twenties, and you hear a story about someone who got their penis exploded by a grenade or bitten off by a clown or something. You're thinking, Man, if that was me, I'd just kill myself. And now if I imagine becoming a Unich something happened chemical like at too few or too many vaccines, whatever it is, I'd say, Okay, I don't It's gotten me nothing but trouble my entire life.
Now it can focus on I got a new smoker last year. I can refocus on that. There's so much ship in life that I can attend to if I was free of this fucking prison we call penis.
I think you're I think you're onto something. There.
See, here's here's the thing. Here's the thing, Jake, I gotta say this. I'm say this will start. I'm under you right because real eager beavers will recall Jay's been doing this for so long, such a wonderful show, a popular show. And you will recall that I used to be Jay's insane retard friend who used to come on this show all the time, and then Jay went and trade it up. He thinks that I wouldn't notice. He thinks that people wouldn't notice he swaps me out for Bird.
I used to come on here and say all kinds of stuff Cleo.
Say that I want.
Cleopatra was made of water or whatever the fuck? You know? The World Trade Center was a pyramid. I used to say that. I used to be his guy for that DNA.
I realized I might be spoiling this here, But I think what I should do is sort of a parent trap esque situation where I invite both you and Bird to speak to me separately, and then I surreptitiously record that conversation, but I never say anything. Yeah, kind of closing the loop. So that I've much like you have eliminated your penis as a vestigial organ, I will have eliminated myself as a podcast host as an ultimately vestigial Internet organ.
First of all, I like that idea. Second of all, parent trap, another old ass reference, just another drop in the bucket.
Yes, but when did this the second one came out?
If you told me there's seven of them, I like Freaky Friday. They just keep doing them, and I'm like, yeah, if I bet there's twenty, I don't know.
Yeah, Okay. It came out in ninety eight, which was before I was born. But it's like, well within the range of what random DVDs did some member of your family have, so that on like Thanksgiving or Christmas when they were like, all right, kids, go do something. It's like the film you end up watching.
Only houses that had just a collection of only bad movies.
Oh, one hundred percent. It's It's why I've seen like the first Madagascar film probably one hundred times. It is just burned into my brain, never consciously, like never, never. You know, there's no consent given.
It's like two copies of Howard the Duck.
How yeah, why did you go back to buy a second one? Is this such high demand? You're like, oh, we can't. We can't just leave this on VHS. It's a classic. I'm gonna have it on DVD too.
It's like found no one has Jurassic Park, no one has Terminator too? What the fuck are we doing? Because back then you're thinking, you know, we'll catch it on TV. I'll let the TV tell me when I'm in the mood to watch Terminator.
Well, that's one of the other the other ones that I did very distinctly remember. Uh is like very very early in a digital era where like we were kind of first starting to like download movies onto like the whichever the first iPod that had that feature, the one that was like really big and square. Uh, but you would also run into the storage problem. It's like, oh, shoot, we forgot to download a movie that would take us
like eight hours. So uh but we still have this and You're like, I think I've watched this movie like thirteen times, but I guess I'm you know, eight years old in a car for ten hours, So like, I guess this is my one option. But uh yeah, So I think what I'm saying is kill those people too.
We should we should be killing everyone all the time. But I was going to ask you, what what was your favorite movie as young man? We're sewing the weeds on this already.
You gave me a topic and I was like, yeah, that's a good topic anyway, that's not what I'm interested.
What type of movies do you like?
We've truly reached the like the seventh circle of podcasting. Hell, but uh, this is exactly that level of random VHS copies that I've seen probably one hundred times. It is, Uh, James and the Giant Peach like semi climation movie that's good. The Disney Robin Hood were like of the three VHS's my grandparents had, those were two of them. Just on repeat you.
It's wild about the Robin. It's the one with the fox right and all the end. Yeah, I'm as a kid, I bet I remember seeing that movie so many times to this day. I don't know what it's about. I just remember certain scenes and as a kid. And that's kind of what's cool about. Once you have a kid, you start seeing the world through their eyes and you understand how they start building memories. But you'll watch the same movie over the course of many, many years and
you actually you build your memories of it. But it's like remembering a dream. But for that like that movie specifically, I all remember is like what the fuck happens in that movie? I just remember a guy going like twelve o'clock and all as well, and like that's about it, and there's a dance scene and then I think there's an owl. But I've seen the probably forty times.
This is another question as a father, dives have you gotten your Are your children old enough yet that you've gotten that Like, oh, you're gonna remember this in like a negative way. And there's kind of like formative you know, traumatic memories.
Yet yeah, yes, yes, And I don't know if the traumatic yet. Time will tell. But I remember, well, I should say I remember in that I have memories from when I was very very young. I'm pretty sure I have memories from when I was a baby because I fell down the stairs as an infant and almost died. I remember that, and I confronted my mother about it. I'm like, something happened, and then she told me later that that is indeed what happened. So I'm like, that's
a strange, but what caused that? Like, you can be jolted at a young age to remember something, perhaps if it's traumatic. But I remember from a very early age remembering certain things almost like moving through a dream, and you don't really have control over it, right, Yeah, you see, you remember things that they're traumatic, but then you just remember stuff. You just start recording, and I don't know
what really causes it. So my son is three and my daughter is five months, so he's at an age where I know he can remember things, like you can start seeing that they'll remember things from day to day or things that happened last week and refer to them. That's kind of how it starts. But you're not really aware of like what memories they're making now that they'll remember in five years. But you can kind of see
it in their eyes. If you pay attention and you're present, you'll see that they're paying very very close attention and there they seem to be recording in a way, and you'll get to know how their eyes and their faces
look when they're doing anything. It's not like they're just watching TV like they're watching you, and it's there's I don't know, it's hard to describe, but I know he's recording something, but I don't know if it'll stick around or you know, you're trying and give them good memories, but something a lot of life is just boring. He might be doing it when I'm like driving around. He's in the back seat, but he's maybe he's just remembering, you know, this this area, looking out the window on
this particularly gray day. There's something about this day, this context. It's raining. And then part of being a parent is if I think, if you're a good parents, trying to actually see the world through their eyes, and I don't know, but you can't control everything, which is the unfortunate reality. But hey, I'll remember it all. I have a very and if you ask yourself, do you have memories from when you are very, very young, because then your child or children will probably be the same.
Yeah. I have a very formative memory of being attacked by a goat as a child.
That'll do it.
Just still don't like goats.
Valley crash out for can you offer.
Would it be medically assisted suicide for a goat? Or do we just kill goats? I feel like the number of genuine uses for such an animal in the modern day or pretty limited. They're not even as an adult, you know, just trying to look at it objectively, not particularly pleasant to be around. And I think that's more than enough basis to just issue with fautoi on those concept of goats.
Here's how wild I'm being, Like, I really started pondering and staring off and distance have my window just now thinking that's like a teleological question, like can a animal really commit suicide? Doesn't have free will? You know like that that could be a real question if you want to pose it. I know you're just talking about killing the goat that molested you or whatever it was, but it's a question like can can an animal yearn for
death or suicide like we would. I've seen some evidence that elephants can or they have the ability of choosing death now to prevent suffering in the future. Seen some bears do that, I think, or maybe that's just a meme I saw anyway, I don't. I don't know if or not.
The classic example, right, it's the lemmings. Not true, just some like grip with a broom sticking them off a cliff or whatever. But according to my extensive research on this topic, h there are very few animals capable of suicide. But one that is is a creature called a tar Sears, which I will show you because let me tell you, it sure does look like a killing itself kind of animal. It's a haunting creature.
Tar Sears.
Yeah, doesn't doesn't this look like an animal would kill itself? Like I don't know what I was in business?
Animal that knows how you're going to kill yourself?
Yeah? Just an animal that sees time is if it's simply another dimension, it sees all the strength.
Yeah, it's it's an animal that's seen too.
Much Like this is like what the navigators and dude look like it's just like grapes for eyes looking monkey like.
Could party wants to know the real justification for why that is? But then Partony just likes whatever I come up with, and I think we know what.
It's. He's seen too much that the series. You just seem weird in this world.
And what would be even wilder is it that started off as a man and he chose to become an animal having seen what he saw.
I like that idea, like like the Bornian tribes that believe that, like people in Orangutans are basically the same thing, but just Orangutans never got a job and that's why they look like that. I'm not gonna pretend that is one hundred percent accurate retelling about a little bit of folklore, but it's closed it off for government work.
It's like, I'm pretty sure that's what happened in Planet of the Apes. Like the New Ones, it.
Just immediately become people unce they developed the concept of a job.
What was I was reading something that was you know, there's this interesting This is a total tangent, But there's this book I covered on the show I do with prudentialists.
Do you even read and we did this a two part around this book called The Transformation of the World by Jurgen Auster Hammel, and that's the story of the nineteenth century and all the cultural and technological innovations that arose in the nineteenth century that a lot of people don't really think about, and how much so, like the entire concept of nationalism as we know it was really
foreigned within the nineteenth century. But one claim he makes in it, and I want to stress test this one because I'm not sure if it's true, but he said, you know, the idea of a regular job kind of came about in the nineteenth century. And you hear that and you say, okay, wait a minute, what do you mean a nine to five labor It's not really that, but it's sort of like this abstracted idea of like like I'm just a ham and Egger, I'm just a worker.
I'm just punching a clock. So the idea is that kind of came about with automation, mass production, stuff like that. But like a job as just not a trade, not something that you master, not something it's just like a thing you need to just have and do, and it doesn't really matter what it is it's you.
Just invest don's immuted yourself.
Oh sorry, I did that. We're talking about monkeys having jobs. The idea is that for a monkey to understand that, for a monkey to understand not just labor and work and toil, but like fucking nineteenth century you know, almost capitalist idea of having a job, and like, yeah, that would be really advanced for it. That would fuck it up. It would need to understand all these other subordinate ideas as well. That will just cascade from that.
Well, I think that, you know, there's there's this kind of debate among reactionary circles about, you know, to what degree is you know, Darwinism the explanation for everything or is it sort of a you know, a capitalist frame, a liberal frame placed on the natural world. But I propose an alternate model, dimes, which is the uh the paradox tech tree version of evolution, where you gain some ability, you put some points in, and you become erratically just
different organism. So for example, all humans before the nineteenth century were effectively orangutans. The job is invented, and now it's people like how we are Now that's the like, it's a breakpoint sort of an A B. And so you can have people you know who weren't even there, right, they were just doing their own thing. You know, maybe even in a tribal society. It's like, ah, now they figured out jobs. Now I'm a person. It's just kind of like a world spanning uh development.
I don't know if the listeners understand what a phenomenal sleight of hand you just did. There were And I know Jay very well, so I can see what he's doing. I see the puppet strings. What he's basically established is that there's a strong correlation between how employed you are and whether or not you're a monkey.
That is not exactly what I meant putting forth this idea and then now willing to die on this hill. Yes, that's exactly what I meant. I think we need more of that, which is hastily made conclusions and then a willingness to uh to kill, to sentence someone to gay drone youth in Asia support.
Yeah, but you you are singing my song. Brother. I love hasty conclusions, I love killing to do peanut butter and jelly.
I need to make a confession to you. I stole one of your bits.
And you you're welcome to you, not not anyone. Don't be listening to this thinking you can do it. But Jay can go on.
So up at a bachelor party with some some more progressive friends playing a board game. Already on shaky ground. This one's called Secret Hitler, which, given my line of work, I like it already. It's basically just Mafia with the added like very cutting political commentary that.
Just a cyber Can you imagine like a Mafia Hitler?
Yeah, like we already tried this.
Gus, I would say Italian hilar when I said no, I call myself. What I want is like Vito Corleone Hitler.
Sorry continue, Yeah, yeah, I can see it. The facial hair would be slightly different. Uh, attitude towards usury maybe a little different, but whatever, we'll work it out.
Uh. So you come to me the day of killing all the Jews asking me for a favor. When's the last time you find me over for dinner?
Just moving past it, it's just Joe Pesci losing it about wooden doors and smokes actions, which not that I say it. That's basically just what Twitter is a bunch of Italians chipping out about.
World I haven't seen every Joe Pesci rolled, but I bet there's one in there where he's just ranting about Jews in the Holocaust, like he's just got the voice for it. He's got to be in Casino in some deleted scene.
Okay, Uh, well, in Casino, apparently Joe Pesci routinely uses anti Jewish slurs.
He here's he doesn't but like, he doesn't say any slur. But I remember one of the famous scenes where he's yelling because Robertino's character is Jewish, and because he's Robert de Niro, of course he doesn't change any aspect of him. He's actually not a very good actor, but we'll put that to the side. But I remember Joe Peschi and enough of de Niro.
Okay, the creator of the Dunk Caccino, that's al Pacino.
Al.
I think I'll send you a Joe Peci quote from Uh it is from this is from Casino. Uh. Not suitable for reading on air, but you know, I think we've all been there.
Oh yeah, no, that's the one I was gonna quote, right, because that's he actually doesn't say any particular slur. Produced he just calls him a Jew, which is so he's not like anti Semitic. He's just like describing him, which is like, yeah, but uh yeah, that's like the scene in the desert, but uh yeah, Joe, I don't even he got me thinking about Robert de Niro. I wanted to say that I've seen more good Alpatuna performances, and I've seen good Robert De Niro performances.
Well, it also feels like he is like the quintessential actor in a negative way.
When when he dies, they're going to say that when he dies, going to say we lost one of the greats. But then okay, go watch Wag the Dog with him, and what's his fucking face? He was in rain Man, Dust and Hoffmann, I believe, isn't that And it's like he sucks. He's actually a lot of the roles I've seen him, and he's dog shit and he's just not good. And he very clearly reads a teleprompter when he's on camera.
A lot of people don't know, but if you look into the you know, behind the scenes stuff like he's known for. Just for people who don't know what that means, it means that there's a fucking screen off camera and he's reading his lines, which is to be just such a hack move. And you can if you look closely, even in heat, I can see him his eyes moving in a weird way sometimes as if he's reading his
fucking lines. So I don't maybe Albacion does the same, but he covers it under enough relish and mustard that you don't notice it.
Just drenched in uh, drenched in marina. Yeah.
Yeah, Well he did sent him a woman and never turned it off. And he's just been you know, off the rails ever.
Since Frozen comes to the man. Uh. We've enumerated all of his his numerous flaws, being Italian, being involved in theater, h being insufficiently anti Semitic, uh, and being short. But I will say, if we're talking about you know, if there's one thing we can say about him, it's that, even in his advanced age, he does not have a vestigial penis, because didn't he just knock up his like twenty three year old girlfriend not that long ago.
I'm talking about Robert Genio, right, I think so with divorce from his wife, and maybe that was related. There's an odd time to get divorced so late in life. But yeah, maybe I know al Pacino is I would believe that if you told me Paccino did, just because he lives on a diet of cocaine and fucking booze.
Yeah, okay, Robert de Niro welcomes seventh child at seventy nine, Like, yes, look man enough, like that's genetically impressive.
But he's got a bad track record of fathering children. So you look at him and you say, another one of these. Look, how fucked up is this one?
So his uh? According to the BBC, the probable mother is a woman named Tiffany Chen. What do you think for Joms, he went Asian?
Yeah, he did the black and he went to the Asian. Okay, it's martial arts and whoa, yes, whoa, that is a she's got a German jaw. Does she look at that?
I'm seeing a photo for built like a ford, like a tundra.
Like she she she's got a nice Eastern European type head on her. I mean honestly, like you's saying, oh, she's an Asian with the Eastern European and it's like, oh, you mean like an Eastern European. Okay, Oh, here's the one in Ralphia. Raphael de Niro. Okay, he looks kind of like a normal, normal type of Italian. I mean, these half blacks are actually look Sicilian.
But okay, they're still together. Uh wow, he looks old.
And he's out here. We were talking about this before the show. Oh, we were talking about Maid, of course, and I was talking about my grandmother who is in her mid eighties and she just had both of her hips replaced. And she's a boomer, and that's what we were talking about, boomers clinging to life. You'll never get Sony, these boomers to go for Maid because they have this grand spectacle for the end of life. But I can't imagine being
in my mid eighties and getting double hip replaced. But if my hips are that, I'm just gonna be a guy who sits down. I'm just gonna be a guy who doesn't stand ever and like I'm gonna have this massive invasive surgery. No, I'm not doing nothing. So the idea of being his age but still going out and talk shows and having an opinion. If I'm eyighty five,
I'm not having an opinion publicly on shit. I'm gonna have my guys in the diner or on the porch and we're just gonna talk shit, What the fuck am I doing in an audience of young people doing my like old man laugh?
Have you ever been to like an old, old, tiny like mechanic shop like ill have. He's on farms. We have like a track in the roof with like a chain attached to it, for like you know, picking up an engine out of a car and like moving it across the shop. You should exclusively operate on like old tiny gantries basically like just be like pulled around like an anvil or like a hunk of metal which is by chains, you know, just kind of wrapped under your
arms or something. I feel like that's like a dignified way to serve out your later years, you know, just like a horrific kind of meat puppet of a man.
Yeah, I can't wait.
Yeah, I mean again, like it's more and more parts of you become the stigule you need to replace them with like chains and industrial equipment and uh yeah, it's.
Just the only chains and like evil spikes and ship I'm just like an eighty five year old spawn becoming a real like industrial type motherfucker in my winter years. That is on I wrong with what I would do because you talk about living a dignified life, I might go the other way. I might be sold. Dignity don't mean shit to me. I'm going to be an ass whole when I'm May five and can't tell me nothing.
So going back to going back to this Robert De Niro kung Fu girlfriend. The writing standards on Yahoo Entertainment are astonishingly poor. So I'm going to read you like one and a half paragraphs.
And Yahoo us fallen.
It's over. Man. The couple's age difference has been a controversial topic of discussion among social media users across different platforms. Period. Tiffany Chen and Robert De Niro reportedly barren age difference of thirty five years period. Chen, who is a martial arts instructor, hails from a kung fu family. At the age of twenty six, she was inducted into a twoenty eleven Martial Arts magazine Hall of Fame. So, okay, whatever, that's not written super well.
Every photo I see of this woman looks different.
So according to this this article times, how tall do you think she is reported as being? And how tall is de Niro reported as being?
Because I'm willing to bet just based on the tone and tenor of your question. She's gonna be staggeringly taller than him? Would I be writ in that assulsion.
That is literally true if you look at photos of them next to each other. But this, this magazine, uh contends This magazine contends that. Yeah, okay, I'm just gonna I'm gonna pull this up, okay, because I want to show that the claim being made here, right, So shoot, let me put us like too many tabs for Robert Danier's personal life pulled up. This is real podcasting. By the way, we've evolved from what films have you seen
into celebrity drama. Okay, so this is the couple right According to Yahoo, she is five seven and he is five nine and a half.
Fuck, okay, is there someone now? Someone's multiple people are lying.
Yes, namely I don't think she's a real uh. I think the martial arts family thing is that's bullshit.
Unfortunately, look look look at his posture there. Look at it's like he's telling it like it is. Is that annoying? Yeah, I'm thinking he's a tough guy. Still. Yeah, yeah, like even like Clint Eastwood gets it. Clint Eastwood's not at their top looking like He's gonna kick Donald Trump's ass, which is what Denier probably really thinks.
Oh don't don't you remember that? This is probably like twenty twenty three or whatever where he like did some sort of press conference in New York where he just kind of did like an old man scream yelled about Donald Trump. Do you remember this happened?
Yeah, he hasn't stopped. I've still seen like he'll go on fucking Colbert tomorrow and probably the same thing. And every time we see something like this, what we always do in our community is asked, who is this for? It's not for us, but who is this for? Who is watching this and getting reinvigorates? It can only be people his age.
I think it's either him or alternately forty six year old kung fu prodigies.
It's for it's people. It's old boomers or middle aged Asian women.
Which you know there's something to it.
I guess it's so funny their age difference thirty five years. That sounds outrageous, doesn't it. But he's in his eighties. I assume if you told me who's one hundred and three, I'd believe it. But let's say his eighties she's forty five, and it would be so funny if they're still trying to make this argument. You hear all over the fucking economy of takes like he's predatory. The age gap is too much. It's like she's still forty fucking five years old, you bitches.
Well, and to be fair, apparently she's a talented martial artist and he is also ninety and five feet tall.
I tell you what, I don't know the difference between a talented and untalented martial artist. I'm going to keep it a buck. I I mean, if you just show me that, if he's shown me someone doing a karate kata fast enough, I'm gonna think that's fucking wild. Why isn't he fighting his way at the top of the mountain right now? I just, I just I'm impressed by all of.
It, Dimes, I just want. I wanted to let it be known compared to anyone who is one hundred and fourteen like Robert de Niro, by comparison, you are a kung fu master because uh, like you think you could break a brick, well, yeah, karate chop. Uh you know grandma and you will break her like a karate brick just turn her into dust. And so maybe that's what her specialty is, beating the elderly. Which fact is.
It might be easier to crack an old woman's skull than a.
Brick some set, which you know what I think that the Canadian government has really they've gotten too focused on simply like the dying aspect of made. What they should do is volunteer you for a fatal and still useful part of society.
They've gotten made. It's being done by all of these pudgy Indians, excuse the slur and what they you know, fucking it up, gumming up the works, screwing up the needles, not finding a vein, not doing it right. Let me in there with my yellow belt and I'll expedite this whole thing. I'll just karate chop all of these dopes, these pin heads, these rubes right into Valhalla, because that it's They would tell you that if you're killed by an Indian you don't go to heaven.
You're reincarnated as a Pakistan.
If you're killed by an Indian you don't go to heaven.
Well, so on that point, dimes, have you seen this just epidemic of the like horrific uh security camp footage of India where it just seems like they're their biggest natural predator is uh like one to three foot deep pools of water and uncoded power lines.
Yeah, Like, I haven't looked that deeply into it because I see stuff like that and everyone will take it for granted that these are unseerious people dying in unseerious ways. I understand that, But I remember hearing about the train thing. There's so many videos of Andi's being hit by trains in very obvious ways, almost like they're doing it on purpose. And then you learn that there's and I don't know if this is true or not, but you'd hear a
story about how it's them. They got some kind of death cult thing about it, some kind of cargo cult worship about it. There's something else going on. It's not just ineptitude. So point being that I look at this stuff with them drowning in little pools of water and everything else, I'm like, Okay, is there some strange Indian reason for this? Is this part of a religion? Is this part of a ritual? Because it almost seems too far that they would just be that stupid it would
need to be stupid but purposeful. But I don't know yet. And also, and people are seemingly willing to accept any explanation at all. I'll ask groc pulling from a lie on Reddit, and I go, yep, that's what it is. There's a movie released about it, and inde and then now they do it. I don't fucking know. I just trade screenshots of tweets like everybody else.
Yeah, well that's the that's the illusion of an audience, right, It's like, oh, this this guy's people listen to him. He must know what he's doing. I'm like, I don't know how to break it to you. In the past forty five minutes, I've advocated for the extermination of old goats and a radical new theory of evolution based off of exactly two and a half seconds of thought. So I don't know. Man, At a certain point, it's kind of on you for listening.
He's the great American thinker. They're calling him the great American thinker. Jay Burden, shoot from the hip, just say just say you can actually, in fact, just say shit.
I made a middling career out of it. But to go back one of your bits, I stole right just even.
Get to that.
In this stupid game, and you know it's part of it. It's like, you got the liberals, you got the fascists, the fascists to say they look like Donald Trump. So you got to understand it's it's cutting social commentary. But the whole objective of the game is to get a certain number of policies. So we're playing the game. Isn't
that fun? And so as a secondary part of the game, it's like, well, if you pass the liberal policy, you know, limb tard policy, if you will, you have to figure out, you know, like well what is it, like what what's the policy you passed? Similar with you know, the fascist policy, And you know, I end up passing fascist policy. You know, it's just the cards I drew. And so they're like, oh, what's your fascist policy? And I was like, you know what,
this is a bit I stole from you. Mandatory second Amendment. Everyone at all times is forced to be armed. Guy with down syndrome, doesn't matter, gun in each hand from birth. And it killed. Let me tell you, get killed. And it was good. You know, if I feel like I got my you know, got to some kind of self affirmation none of that. But deep in my heart of hearts, I'm like, that's a four year old blood satellite bit and recycling.
We tend to specialize in jokes that make you think. I mean, all those people went away thinking, you know what, that Jay Burton, he was onto something, because who is going to be against down syndrome gentlemen with guns? Find me a liberal that would be against that in principle. I bet you can't find one, and if you find one, you cleave them in half. I want nothing. I don't want to hear about them walking around. That's a great thing that anyone should like. He could run on that.
Trump should have run on that. Come out, could have run on that, and she would, we'd we'd we'd be in fucking North Korea right now.
All I'm saying is there are certain opinions that if you hold them, if you express them in public, you should be afraid to walk alone at night. And I think one of them is any sort of objection to the policy we just laid out, like that should be. It should be one of those things where it's like, oh, you know, I wrote a letter to the editor of the local newspaper about that issue. I hope no one. Uh. It puts me in a box truck, it puts me
in lipstick and then kills me. That that should be the level of just terror in opposing this this sensible.
Yeah. And if people don't like that idea, how about I fucking shoot you.
Buddies with Down syndrome?
How I got idea? How about I shoot people until I get what I want.
It's a novel concept, but I think there's something to it.
Yeah, that's what politics used to be. You know, we used to be real countries where he said, we're gonna shoot people with weapons until they they shape up or ship about and we get what we want, and then we stop doing that. And here we are now every woman's obese and.
A god fearing man with Down syndrome can't walk around with two guns surgically grafted to each of his palms. And it's the it's the death of the West. The Yahoo news has fallen.
And and by the way we're gonna get We're gonna get the down center of guy with gun hands before a woman president. He's gonna be president first.
Yeah. I vote for that. Yeah, because it's like, you know, there's there's an honesty in it. Uh, there's an openness to it. There's a there's the the sort of like element of like you're gonna tell him no, you know, and and honestly, like you see that meme you know, from from Mice and Men were you're like, oh, look at the rabbits Lenny, Well, guess what. Uh, sometimes you need a good guy with a gun. That is all I'm gonna say.
Yeah, what if the roles are reversed. What if Lenny shot the other guy in the back of the head. That's a happening.
Lenny shot first.
Why I don't know why I didn't do that. Everyone would love that ending. These are the things it seems like every fucking year there's some discord about they're taking Andrew Jackson off the money to replace them with Harriet Tubman, or they're making something gay and black. But what if you just wipe all that away. It's Goku on the money. That's the type of idea you'd be talking about with this guy and who's against that. Well, you shoot them
and then you have America back. See, like the shit Shit Ship's iron life is ironic and it's simple if you let.
It literally simple In the case of you know, our potential future president, and this is the this is the thing, right, you have people cowards, morons, idiots. They don't present who will present here's some kind of boring gay solution where it's like, oh, if you change this government program or you know, you take this money over there, you do that with it, you return to a gold standard, you stop fighting wars for Israel. That's all gay. What we need is a man with a sixty five IQ and
two loaded weapons at all moments. And I think that that's how we cut through all of these secondary concerns and get to what's really matters, which is killing goats with Goku on the money. And yeah, really that's it, that's all that matters.
Another year where Ron Paul get is wheeled out to talk about returning to the gold standard, and I'm voting for the guy who wants to get to the golden retriever standard.
Yeah. Well, and I think we were talking about this. We should pardon you're an advertising man to pardon a rebrand for Ron Paul, which is I think that your attitudes about aging are completely correct, which is that we need to see that man in his We're gonna call it the spawn era, so it chains hooks, kind of a hell Raiser esque aesthetic, and I think that's really what's going to revitalize his career. Like, oh, eight didn't
quite work, twelve was probably a little bit worse. But this is the cool rebrand that I'll bring back, The Ron Paul Revolution by you know, kind of a aping a beloved comic book and that one movie character.
Remember Ron Paul he did. He's done so many rebrands, but he had one. It was the word revolution and the word love within revolution was highlighted and like Pink's millennial core right there. Yeah, And I just look at him, I say, you're not about love? Whatever? Do you know what is Ron Paul nobel love? Why is that even in the mix? Shut up enough? You did the one big rebrand. It fell flat on his face. Go away. He's old enough where he needs to plan well ahead
of time his next getting up from the chair. And once you're doing that, you should just get out of there. You're gonna be sold. You guys like that wind up to stand up, and then that's a that's a bad position to be in if you're in Congress or driving a car or fucking anywhere again. Like I can't wait till I'm old and I don't need to do shit. I don't even care if I have money for retirement. I'm gonna I'm gonna have a porch even though there's no house attached to it, and I'm gonna be a menace.
Well I think that really, that's what sort of uh ties all of these themes, you know, whether it's you know, your your your end of life care h your your gay government ordered suicide, uh, all of these together, it's that what every man wants is sort of heads to the tails. That is dying in a gay way. It is living out your your twilight years as a plague upon this earth, as a as a menace. And you know what, we were trash talking Robert de Niro, but he sure is living out that Nietzche and dream of
just being a menace. So you know what, maybe we're just maybe times we're just player hayting. You know, we're outside the club. We're looking at a self actualized five four man and we just we hate it because we can't have it.
Oh yeah, make no mistake, I am a player hater. I hate all day. Hey people, I'm jealous. I'm bitter. I hate people who have a ship that I don't have. I would I think I think I'm hating him for the right reasons, but it could be that he's living in the dream and I also hate him the exact same volume. Nothing's gonna nothing's gonna stop this, Jay, you understand. I'm gonna keep and it's it's it's good. It's good to make fun of people when they're old, because would
you do that, would do Roberto when he was younger? No, you could kick my ass. He can't kick my ass. Now you'll fall apart. Just like it's it's really good to call eminem a corny loser now because he is. And maybe he wouldn't do that when he's in his twenties. He's running around with flashing a gun but never shoot you know whatever, it is doing cool stuff like slaughtering women and nobody else the cool, cool, tough guy stuff
like that. But now, like you know, he's kind of all, he's kind of wiser, and he's trying to, you know, look back on past good. Now's the time to just beat him with crowbars rhetorically, of course, call him gain there, what's he gonna do fight you. He can't, and I think it should increase the older that he gets.
The dimes. We are fast coming up on time, and.
I guess weird. I didn't know how much time. Yes, yes, that's a good point. I came here not to discuss any of that stuff. I wanted to discuss a short documentary that I released recently titled how to Make a Canadian People, and it's available on YouTube and rumble and x and substack well dimes.
Here's what I would say, What are you next week?
What am I doing next week?
Do you want to stan actually talk about that next week?
It's yeah, because yeah, because you cap this off and hour, we'll do that next week too. Yeah, this will be the sizzle reel for that.
Like idea that we would just start that off. There's no joking around all. We're incredibly self serious. Everyone's like, this isn't the same guy Like, yes, it is, no clarification needed.
I'm using a very dour Irish accent.
Both of us are. It just gets worse and worse, much like Robert de Niro's attempted an Irish accent.
Is the entire time hole neck tears.
Well, like I said, we'll have you on next week or whatever it's convenient for you. This is a ton of fun. But in the meantime, where can people find you?
Yeah, my show is titled blood Satellite. You can find that at blood Satellite dot Ca. We're also on YouTube, blood Satellite clips on x at legally Ironic, and I write for the Vanguardist Journal. That's Vanguardist Journal dot subsack dot com. As we can also find the little show documentary that we're gonna be talking about next time in depth.
Well, thanks again man. Like I said, we'll have you on soon. I never w at home. Keep your head up, good night.