Episode #01: An Introduction to The Introvert, Dear Podcast

I read it and when I finished I actually cried and honestly I'm not someone who cries a lot, but I felt like this was me. I felt like finally I was understood.

Welcome to the Introvert Dear Podcast, the show devoted to helping introverts live more peaceful, meaningful lives. We are here to remind you that you don't have to be an extrovert to be happy. Now, here are your hosts, Jen Graneman and Bo Miller. Welcome to the first ever episode of the Introvert Deer Podcast. In this inaugural episode, we want to talk about what this show will be all about, why we're starting it, and the formats it'll typically follow.

We'll also take a little time to introduce ourselves and share our stories. So let's start with the goal of the show. With this podcast, we want to help you feel more comfortable living life as an introvert, develop healthier boundaries, navigate the world as a quiet person. Grow and develop your introverted gifts and of course create more peace and meaning in your life. All of this information about introverts begs the question What is an introvert, Jen?

Well, as I explained in my book, uh The Secret Lives of Introverts, and also on my website, an introvert is someone who prefers quiet, low key environments. Compared to extroverts, they get more drained by socializing and of course they enjoy spending time alone because solitude recharges them. We often wrongly assume that introverts spend time alone because they don't like people, but really it's because introverts need downtime to show up in their jobs and relationships.

Introverts tend to think before they speak and they do their best work alone. They prefer quality over quantity when it comes to relationships, meaning they often have small social circles and they prefer it that way. They tend to dive deep both in their relationships and in their interests, and many introverts seek meaning in all that they do. And like me, they may feel like they're faking it when they have to network.

And also like me, they're often better at writing their thoughts than speaking them out loud. Writing gives them time to reflect on what to say and how to say it. Introversion is a temperament, meaning it's something that you're born with and research shows that introverts will likely stay introverts for life. meaning introverts will probably always have a preference for calm and solitude.

However, this doesn't mean that introverts won't grow and stretch as people. On the contrary, research shows that people tend to change over time, and the good news is it's usually for the better. That's because it's our personalities, not our introverted temperaments that grow over time. And then one last thing, Bo, I like to remind people that introversion and extroversion are on a spectrum. So that means they're not all or nothing traits.

Everyone acts introverted at times and extroverted at other times. It's really just what your preference in general is.

That was a really helpful description. I think I learned a few things from that and I've read a bunch about introverts. So thank you for that thorough overview. And it makes me wonder, how did you personally discover you're an introvert, Jen? And what impact did that knowledge have on your life?

So I learned that I'm an introvert. Back in my mid-20s, I just happened to walk into a bookstore and I was kind of browsing in the back in the helps self-help section. I was always just You know, looking in that self help section because I just had this compulsion, like there was something that needed to be fixed about me. And I came across a book called The Introvert Advantage by Dr. Marty Olson Laney. I picked it up, it looked like me, so I bought it.

And I read it and when I finished I actually cried and honestly I'm not someone who cries a lot. Uh I'm I'm a sensitive person and an emotional person, but I'm just not really that much of a crier. It takes a lot to make me cry. But I felt like this was me. I felt like finally I was understood what she talked about. uh when it came to introverts, it just seemed so me and it explained a lot of the things that I had struggled with my whole life and things that I had felt bad about.

So all of my problems didn't change overnight. It wasn't like someone waved a magic bland and suddenly knowing that word introvert made everything better. It took a lot of hard inner work before my life started to actually change. But I do believe that learning about my introversion was the number one thing that helped me grow as a person. It was sort of a catalyst to me. really growing and developing myself in ways that I hadn't before.

I didn't feel guilty over needing to spend time alone. I didn't feel guilty anymore about needing time to think before speaking. I didn't feel guilty about wanting to stay home on a Friday night instead of going out to some bar or party like a lot of my extroverted friends were doing. And of course I didn't feel guilty anymore about being a quiet person.

I was definitely one of those quiet, shy people growing up and teachers, parents, everyone told me, Why don't you talk more? Why are you so quiet? What's wrong? What's going on? And I always felt like that was a weakness on my part. So finally I didn't I had a reason to not feel guilty about it. It almost was like I gave myself permission to be the person who I'd been all along.

And then I'll just add when I started to finally work with my temperament, my introverted temperament, rather than against it. I felt like all areas of my life improved. I was better able to show up in my relationships. I was able to harness my introverted strengths at work. All around I just felt like I was really able to take off. So what about you, Bo? How would you answer those questions? How did you learn that you were an introvert and how did it change your life?

A number of years ago, I was struggling just kind of with my job and the work I was doing and and trying to figure out why I enjoyed parts of it and why other parts were so challenging. And on the journey, I started delving into Myers Briggs, which is one of the personality assessments out there, one that I really enjoy. And as I started trying to identify my own personality type, I found out that I kept testing introverts.

as well as, you know, some some other preferences. But that introverted one in particular, as I began to learn about it, similar to Eugen, really freed me up. It helped me to understand that I didn't have to be on all the time. And it also explained why at times Which I think this is something that a a lot of people struggle with and maybe you who are listening or thinking about, you've you know that part of you is extroverted.

But there's also this other huge part of you that needs time alone. And that was true of me. Like I really enjoyed spending time with other people. In fact, I needed a small group of people to spend time with and I I loved one on one relationships. So I I w wasn't really sure if I was an introvert because I love being with people.

But then I had to get alone, like you explained, Jen. I had to have those long periods where I was either reading or, you know, online watching a movie or doing something just by myself, playing my guitar. Those are the things that energized me. And when I started to understand that it was okay to have that alone time and that it was important to actually schedule that and to communicate that with others.

to others and to to let them know that um that was just something different that was part of me. It was really freeing because I was able to start to adapt. and mold my life. And really it helped me delve into to my giftedness as well, which is uh passion of mine, I started to understand

you know what, writing is something I wanna dive into and I love to understand what makes people tick and um just other creative ventures that I really enjoyed. So just finding out more about um how I've been wired, how I was made.

really helped me to become more of the person I was supposed to be instead of trying to imitate some friends of mine who I always felt I was falling short of because we had different gifts. So it was really a freeing thing and it continues to be. I love how you mentioned Jen that

you stay at home uh or you still stay home on Friday night sometimes. That's like one of my favorite times just to kind of stay home with my wife or maybe have a friend or two over. It's just a really relaxing time and and freeing to not have to go out. At the start of the show, Jen, uh we mentioned that

we'd explain how this show has come to be. And really the show is a result of the website, introvertdear.com, which has been around for a number of years now. Can you tell the story of how that website, your website, came to be and also explain what its mission is? Yeah, absolutely. So I started Introvert Dear back in two thousand thirteen and I started it just for myself. It was a personal blog. I had no intention of having it be what it is today, if I'm being completely honest.

I've always enjoyed writing and I decided decided to start a blog because I wanted A way to express myself on a personal level. I was an introvert who felt completely surrounded by extroverts and living in an extroverted world. I was dating a very extroverted man at the time. I was working a very extroverted job. I was a teacher. And I had a roommate who was very, very extroverted. So I just felt like this little introvert in this whole slew of extroverts.

So I use the blog to talk about my experiences and then also just kind of work out some things that I myself was dealing with. So uh fast forward all these years and today it's become uh major online publication for introverts. In fact, it was just named by FeedSpot the number one publication for introverts on the web, which I'm so excited about. That's awesome. Yeah, thank you. I never thought it would become this. But our mission at Introverts Year

is to let introverts everywhere know it's okay to be who they are. And that kind of harkens back to my personal story about learning about my own introversion. I felt like I was broken. I felt like I needed to be fixed. I felt like there was something wrong with me.

And once I learned about my introversion, it was so freeing and empowering. I know some people say, Well, that's a label. Why are you putting yourself why are you putting a label on yourself? Doesn't that just box you in and limit you? But for me having a name for that was just huge. It was it was empowering, not limiting. So since then my mission has been to let other introverts know that they might be introverts.

And also to help them understand themselves better, as well as I'd like to help the people in their diverts' lives, their loved ones, their coworkers, their friends, their family, anyone else understand them better too. So how does this podcast in particular support that mission? How does it tie into everything? So this podcast will be an extension of introvertdear.com and we want to empower introverts and also help solve some problems that introverts might be facing in our lives.

And we'd like to help introverts understand themselves better and bring more peace and meaning to their lives. So if that sounds good to you who are listening and you wanna continue following along, we'd love to have you on the journey. We want to do just what Jen has explained to really empower you and free you to be who you're made to be. So that you can cultivate a life that's better suited to your introverted gifts and needs and personality. Yeah, absolutely.

So Bo, I'm not the only one with a website. In fact, you have another website and another podcast. You do a lot. I can't believe how much you do. It's really incredible.

Can you talk a little bit about what uh your website and your podcasts are and what the mission behind those is? Absolutely. Thanks for asking. Uh yeah, so I have another podcast. and a website and The website I'll start with that is called ispeakpeople.com. And it started kind of similar to yours, Jen. Um, it wasn't so much me sharing uh my personal journey, although I know that's not completely what yours is, but part of it. Mine was more

just knowing that I wanted to write and help other people. So it started kind of helping people with relational skills or social skills. And then it morphed to looking at introverted personalities. And today it's focused on INFJs and that's really the mission helping one particular personality type thrive. And I know for a lot of INFJs, if you're an INFJ listener, um, you know that often you can feel misunderstood. You have a a different set of gifts than at least

Extroverted culture, um, Western culture, I should say, espouses. So the goal of the website is to help INFJs understand themselves thoroughly. And then to again build a life that is really better suited to their gifts and that's more satisfying and allows them to um pour into other people's lives and and just enjoy life on the whole altogether. And the podcast um

The INFJ personality show, that's what it's called, is an extension of that website. Again, just helping INFJs better understand themselves and it I do that primarily through interviewing other authors, but there's also some content that I share uh just from my own experience and sometimes it's just me sharing. Which kind of leads into where we're going with this podcast, Jen. Uh, what will the format of the show look like? Can we talk about that a little bit?

Yeah, absolutely. So we'll have two main formats. We're planning to interview guests who will be experts and help answer questions that you may have. Those shows will last for about forty-five minutes. And then sometimes you will just hear a discussion between Bo and I. And I'll just add this, although our focus is not necessarily on personality type, you do have two INFJ hosts.

Bo and I, Mar and I and Chase. So I'm sure that will come into play a little bit here and there. Uh so sometimes it will just be Bo and I talking. These shows may be a little bit shorter depending on how in-depth the topic is. And we'll typically have a a new shoe come out, at least initially. twice a month. So that's our goal. But

Depending on how things go, that may or may not change. One thing you can expect of certainty, however, is that we will be posting our new episodes on Tuesday. So every other Tuesday. Expect a new episode from the Introvert Deer podcast.

Thanks to you who have shared ideas already for future podcasts that cause that really helps to steer us and and help. helps us to work on content that you'll be excited about. So Jen, I was wondering if you could explain um how people have already shared for maybe someone who's listening who hasn't done that and would like to suggest the topic and and maybe um how they could connect and subscribe or follow or any of that sort of thing.

Yeah, so to stay up to date with the show, make sure you subscribe to our podcast. You can also follow Introvert Deer on all major social media channels like Facebook, Pinterest, Twitter, Instagram, Tumblr, Google Plus. We're basically everywhere. Yeah, you do a lot too, Jen. That's a lot that's for a lot of social media channels. Oh yeah, uh it's um I love it though. Uh so so follow us on social media. We'll put information about new and upcoming episodes there.

If you'd like to recommend a future topic or guest, we'd love to hear from you. Visit the Introvert Dear Facebook page to share your thoughts and leave us a comment on our podcast post. So that's kind of an overview of where we're going and why we're here. We are super excited that you've joined us today. Thank you so much for tuning in to this episode. And we're excited about where we're going and and how you're gonna grow through the whole journey. So

Um, thanks again for being here, Jen. Thank you for what you shared already. I'm super pumped about the different guests we're gonna have on here. And and uh just out of curiosity, do you know anyone who's coming up anytime soon? We are going to have Lori Helgo, the author of Introvert Power, on our next episode. I'm super excited to talk to her. Oh yeah, that was a great book. I'm really looking forward to talking to her as well.

Well, thank you again for tuning in. We look forward to connecting with you in the next episode. Thanks for listening to the Introvert Deer podcast. Make sure to subscribe so that you don't miss out on future episodes. If you enjoyed today's show, please consider leaving a review on iTunes. And remember, there's nothing wrong with being quiet and spending time alone.