Look for Wonder... And Then Create It

Wonder , and that's what I want to talk about today , because I think we can look for it , we can see it when it's there , but also we can create some in this complicated , challenging , hard , sometimes sad world . And so here's what I want to talk about , and at first I want to tell you a story .

You guys know that I just published a book called Coping Courageously A Heart-Centered Guide for Navigating a Loved One's Illness Without Losing Yourself , and I was working with a book coach , and so every week now every two weeks when I was writing the book , I would read a chapter to the coach and get some feedback .

And so one time I had an appointment , and it was hard to get an appointment with them . Unfortunately , it worked out that the appointment was at the same time that I was going to have to be traveling to the train station , so I was going to be in an Uber and we couldn't change the time . So I just asked well , can I just read it to you ?

From the Uber . They said , sure , so that's what I did . So I read this chapter and it happened to be a chapter on sadness and depression . And how do you handle it when someone that you care about is facing either sadness or depression or both ? And so I read the chapter in the Uber and it was fine . I got some feedback and it was all good .

But when I got out of the Uber to get my bag , the driver got out and said I just want to thank you so much . You don't understand how important it was for me that you were in my Uber today and thank you .

So I don't know exactly what was going on , but I know that that person needed to hear a message about sadness or depression or both , and I was so struck by that . I don't know if you believe in divine whatever or coincidence , but there I was reading that chapter in that Uber with that person and what a wonderful , amazing experience that was .

It was amazing . So I look for situations like that and maybe they're made up , but I don't care , because they make it feel to me like there are nuggets of magic in the world . I don't mean that literally , but just something deep that we don't totally understand , and I think it's good for our well-being to look for them , even if it's made up . Who cares ?

Because I felt something important from that experience in the Uber , and so did the driver , and so it was kind of powerful . And then recently I was in a store .

I had specifically driven to this store to get a gift for someone and it was kind of a wellness type store and I knew that they had interesting things and that's why I drove specifically to this place and I really enjoyed being in the store and I noticed when I was in there that I felt like my blood pressure went down and I felt peaceful and my breathing

slowed . It just had a nice vibe . And so when I was checking out I don't usually make small talk with people when I'm checking out at a store , but I said to the person who was checking me out do you order the things in here because they're really lovely ?

And she got right away , tears in her eyes , and said , oh my gosh , thank you so much for saying that , because , yes , this is my store and just today I was talking with someone and trying to decide should I close it . And I said , oh my goodness , I hope you don't close it , because I drove here specifically for your store .

It's such a special place and it feels like a wellness experience to walk in here . And she said , oh my goodness , the one idea that I had and the reason I'm moving things around . She showed me she was moving things around .

The reason I'm moving things around is because I thought maybe I could increase traffic here if I made a seating area where people could come and I'll have tea and maybe they'll come and gather and they'll buy things when they're here . And I said , oh my gosh , that's such a wonderful idea . I would come here .

I live in the neighborhood , I would come here for that and that's just the vibe that I feel in your store . And she really welled up and felt like she was kind of asking for a sign should I close my store or not ? And then this random woman walks in and makes small talk and tells her what a meaningful store she has .

So again you could say , oh well , whatever , that was just a conversation , but for me and I think for her , it felt like there was wonder in it that we happen to have this conversation just when she needed to have this conversation . So how is this relevant to palliative care ? It is because illness is scary .

Yes , of course , death and grief are scary and sad , but the whole deal , the whole thing is pretty wild , right , like we're not here and then we're born , and then we're here and we're on this blue ball that's floating in space . So what's at the end of space ? What on earth is on the other side ?

And if there's nothing on the side , on the other side , and it's infinite , what on earth does that mean ? There is so much mystery in what on earth is happening for us on this planet , what life is , and I think that's relevant when we're thinking about death , which is also wild .

Of course it's sad , of course we miss people when they're gone , of course , but it's also a pretty wild experience that someone is here , in the fullness of your relationship with them , and then they're not here .

It's a spiritual experience , not religious necessarily , but a spiritual concept that a being is not here and then they're here and then they're not here .

That's just wild , and I think it's important for us , as people who deal with others who are facing serious illness , to see it in a bigger , deeper way , and not just ex-patient as ex-illness and their treatment is not working , so go to hospice , it's time they're going to die .

It's just so much richer than that and I think engaging with it and wrestling with it ourselves and showing patients that we understand how big and deep this is , and maybe even helping them see that too , and not just their loss and their fear and their grief , I think it's important .

And you might say , oh well , some people know , very religious people know what happens after they die . But my experience as a palliative care doctor is that even very religious people sometimes , as the end gets closer , they also wonder what's going to happen . So there are some people , certainly , who are certain up until the end .

But even very religious people sometimes have a different perspective as the end of their life comes closer and they're also not sure and also just seeing it as a big mystery that no one exactly knows the answer to .

So the whole thing is just basically a big mystery and I think that it's important that we get that and we embody that and we think about that and we feel touched by that that it's not just illness , death , grief on the surface . It's deeper and it's crazy and it's wild and we don't know the answer , and it's something to be touched by .

There is wonder in the whole experience of our time here on earth , including the time for us to go . So I would like for all of us to not only look for wonder , but to create some . I felt some pull in that store to say something to this woman , even though it's not my normal way . If you feel a pull like that , do the thing .

If you feel like somebody needs a connection , or that there's a certain thing that you should do or a certain place that you should be , I encourage you to listen to that . I think our intuition is something that we don't totally understand , but I feel like it might be real and it might be the thread to what I'm talking about here .

So tap into your intuition if you get a sense of something . So I had an idea today . I'm about to take the train to New York for work and I had an idea that I'm going to bring one of my books and I'm going to leave it on the train . Now , I don't know what's going to happen . Maybe someone will just throw it away and no one will ever see it .

That's perfectly fine , but maybe someone will sit down after me and maybe this is the very book that they need . Maybe I don't know , but at least I'm putting some opportunity into the world to possibly create some of this wonder . So I had the idea , I felt like that was some intuition , that it might be helpful , and if it doesn't turn out , that's fine .

But I'm going to listen to it anyway and I encourage you guys to do the same . So look for the little nuggets of wonder in your experience and your life and then look for opportunities that you can create some . Thanks for being here . I so , so , so appreciate that you listened . I really would like to spread the reach of this podcast .

So , if you're willing , I would be so grateful if you would tell a colleague or a friend about this podcast . Just send them the link , just tell them about it and tell them to go find it on their favorite podcast place . Send them an email , send them a text . It would really be a blessing for me .

All right , thank you so much and I'll see you next week . Bye-bye .