You're listening to the Inside Out Entrepreneur podcast. Today I am talking about understanding yourself better and four changes I have made to my life as an introvert that might help you with your life too. All right, buckle up, enjoy the ride. This is your time now. Okay, let's go. Hi, I'm Susie Belmont, a multiple seven figure entrepreneur with 15 years experience building and selling businesses, as well as being a psychology expert, qualified coach and therapist.
Think of this show as personal development for women like you who want to master your inner world in order to lead yourself to greater external success, whether that's in relationships, emotionally, in business or financially. So pull up your chair and get ready to change your life and your business from the inside out. This is the Inside Out Entrepreneur podcast. Hello everyone and welcome back to another episode of the podcast with me, your host, Susie Belmont.
And to start off today's episode, I want to ask you a few questions. The first is whether you are a woman who sometimes feels like you are a little bit out of place in the world, especially in the business world. Like you are an introvert living in a predominantly extrovert business world. Does that resonate?
For example, you might really want to build your business and build your financial income alongside that, but your newsfeed often shows an endless stream of events and social gatherings and flying around the world that make you feel exhausted by just watching, let alone actually being there.
Or perhaps you're watching people who've grown their business and you feel like they are always socializing and always meeting up with people and that makes you feel like you might not have the energy to be constantly in quotes on Perhaps you've decided that you want the business and the income, but you don't necessarily want that to mean that you have to be constantly social or traveling or at events or doing face to face things all of the time.
You want just a little bit more balance than you're seeing from the people that you follow. But then on the other hand, you might also be thinking, well, wait a second, I do actually want some social things. I don't want to just be on my own and I do want to network with some people and I quite like to do some lives and things, but just maybe not on the same intensity that those other people are doing.
Perhaps you want consistency, but you don't love the idea of consistency all of the time, as sometimes you just want to have you time instead and not feel like you're on this hamster wheel of having to keep going. But then you might question how that works. Perhaps as you're listening, you even start to question, are you really an introvert? Maybe you're an extrovert introvert. Or maybe you're wondering, does it even matter anyway?
You just want to feel good with your business, whatever that looks like, and the label of what you are doesn't matter. My second question to you, although that first question was quite long, but my second question is, how do you feel when people say, build your life and your business so it's authentically you? Perhaps you're thinking, you know, at the age that I'm at, I'm not entirely sure what authentically me actually is anymore because I've heard so many conflicting messages.
Or maybe you think that the word authentic is so overused because it is, that actually it doesn't really mean anything anymore, especially when you've seen not very authentic people using it. Or maybe you're recognizing that the way that you've been showing up your entire life doesn't necessarily feel authentic to you.
Maybe you were recently diagnosed with ADHD or autism or both or something like that, and you've realized that you've been masking your entire flipping life, so you're figuring out the real you alongside figuring out how the real you is also going to be authentic.
Or maybe you're realizing that you've had a lot of trauma in your life in the past and you've lived in a total survival mode and you're trying to dovetail your business with who you are in this current time, who this current version of you is. And somewhere inside you you wonder where your introvert piece sits in all of this.
Maybe you can be a little bit extroverted because you've trained yourself to be like that, but you're curious about the more introverted side of you and how that would work in life and business if it were authentically you.
Maybe you are recognizing that it's not really the label that you need, but the feeling and the validation that you are going to be just fine doing it your way and you don't have to do a million courses that don't feel a good fit, or try to force yourself into certain ways of being online when they don't work for your personality type. Maybe what this is all about is you just finally want to relax into you, to be you, and to build a business that actually feels like it's 100% you.
If this is you, and if you are an introvert or you've always suspected that you are an introvert, then listen on Believe it or not A lot of entrepreneurs, especially female entrepreneurs, are introverts but are often mistaken for extroverts because they are showing up online and people think, wow, they're showing up. That's that means that they're an extrovert.
What you then don't see so much of is that the true introverts are actually doing a lot more behind the scenes to rebalance themselves energetically after showing up online. Those posts don't tend to be as visible introverts in my experience anyway, and certainly working with clients as well who are introverts also tend to feel much more of a need for breaks and breaks from the socializing things. So consistency can actually feel like a real burden at times.
Introvert consistency isn't always the same as extrovert consistency. If this sounds like you, well, welcome to the introvert entrepreneur club. It's a pretty darn big club because there are lots of us and I'm in this club too. I'm 100% an introvert entrepreneur and so are many, many others that I know. And there are some pret famous introvert entrepreneurs out there. Take J.K. rowling as one example.
She is incredibly successful, but you rarely see her doing the constant visibility thing because she's built a business that works around who she is. And that is the first point to remind yourself of. Being an introvert does not stop you from building the business that you want. It does not stop you from being an entrepreneur, nor does it reduce the income you can make. Again, I refer to J.K. rowling here as an example of somebody who has made billions.
But it does sometimes mean that you need to take a little bit more time to really get to know the introvert parts of yourself. And sometimes that leads to you choosing to do things a little bit differently so you don't end up a bit of a mess. Remember, there is literally no single right way to build a business or to make money. The only way that works for you is your way and that way will be dictated by really understanding who you are. So today I'm going to look at two questions.
Question number one is, are you an introvert entrepreneur? Because sometimes it's even hard to know that. That. And then question number two, if you are what strategies can you use to help you navigate in growing your business in a world that can be dominated by the loud and confident people, by the endless face to face events and even a subtle pressure to show up consistently without any break. And these are strategies that I personally use myself because I am a huge introvert.
So they are tried and they are tested. Before I dig in though, I have a tiny favor to ask you. Would you be able to just hit pause on the podcast right now and if you are listening in Apple Podcasts, give me a little review review sentence in the review section. It helps me to know that you are enjoying it. And if you're on Spotify, just leave a little comment.
As you know, I do the podcast for free, but my payment in quotes, if you want to call it that, is a little review in return telling me what you are liking about them. Don't leave me one. If you don't like them, just do it. If you do like them, if you're happy to do that, that would be great. Just hit pause now and then return to the show afterwards. Okay. And back to the podcast this week. So first up, question number one. What is an introvert entrepreneur?
Well, for years I thought that I was not an introvert because when I'm forced into a situation I don't enjoy, I find a way to cope. I'd found a way around the nerves, around the fears. So I figured out maybe I'm not an introvert. Maybe I figured I was just a bit broken and for a long time I kind of had that belief. I thought, well, I just don't work the same way as other people and I don't know, maybe something's not working right. But I just got on with it with that knowledge.
And then several years ago, I discovered I was neurodiverse. And this complicates it a little bit more because I had been become an Olympic gold medal standard at masking. And so I had to unwrap that side too. Which part of me was adhd? Which part of me was introversion? Which part of me was trauma?
Which part of me was just showing up way too much in masculine doing energy and constantly pushing, pushing and doing, doing and not allowing myself to fall into my authentic feminine energy and my receiving energy. There were lots of different parts that I had to look into, and these are all sorts of different points that I've just raised and I'm not going to deal with every single one of those today. Today I'm specifically focusing on the introversion side.
You see, it was only when I did more research into introverts that I kind of got a bit frustrated because society is so often geared towards defining success according to extrovert male neurotypical character traits. And on the whole, introverts were being framed as somehow weaker. And this is something I completely disagree with so I'm sharing this with you because you might have gone down a similar path in your journey or you might be doing the same right now.
You see, what this did to me at the time is that when I was growing my business to multi five, multi six figures, and then ultimately into multi seven, I would frequently question whether I had what it takes to be a proper entrepreneur. I even questioned in the past whether introverts could successfully find their place in the loud and brash online world. And then slowly, I realized a very big truth. Despite being a huge introvert, I was actually running a business. And it was successful.
It was very successful. It was making a lot of money. I noticed, however, that I didn't always do what other people did, and I still don't. And if there is a common line that everyone is pushing, I'm usually doing something else. I'm usually not listening to that. You see, I've learned that I have to lean into my own way of doing things that work for me. And sometimes that's uncomfortable.
Sometimes as an introvert, I'm doing something different to what everyone else is telling me to do because I'm leaning into what feels good. And I'm also having to separate that out from not leaning into fear, because fear can also feel good sometimes. I. E. You don't do something because you're afraid. That's a different kind of thing. Again, not for today.
Sometimes leaning into what felt right to me as an introvert was really messy as I figured out ways that I wanted to amend things, literally live as I was going along. And sometimes after I've released something to ensure that it's long term sustainable for my personality type, I have to make amendments. Sometimes that means I might start something and change it because it just doesn't align, and that is okay.
And sometimes that puts me in the firing line for people who don't really understand the introvert world. And there have been many times in my career that I've been heavily criticized for not following what others were doing. But I didn't schmooze to those who pandered to those extrovert personalities. I had to just continue leaning into who I really was. And that journey is ongoing. It will always be ongoing.
In this current season, I'm constantly changing and tweaking things to work around who I am right now because my introverted ways show up differently. As a perimenopausal woman who's now got more anxiety than I used to have compared to the woman I was in my early 30s, and I guess I'm saying all of this initially because the number one reminder is that you do not need to be an extrovert to be an entrepreneur.
You don't have to be any particular type of person, but there are a lot of brilliant qualities as an introvert that will actually set you ahead of the pack in some areas. So let's look at five traits that you might have which would make you fall into the kind of introvert label, if that makes sense. If you have at least some or all of these traits, then chances are you are an introvert.
In which case, listen out for the second part of this podcast when I'm going to be talking about four changes that you can make to make your life easier if you are that introvert entrepreneur type. Before I run through these though, remember that introversion is a spectrum. It's not black and white. There are shades of grey. So you could have a heap of introvert characteristics and then one extrovert one too.
It is rare that someone is purely one way or the other, so listen in and see if you can recognize any of these things as being like you. On top of that, your life experiences can also change your personality. So you might have had times where you felt more introvert than others. In short, introversion can be really, really fluid. So be compassionate, be nice to yourself and just listen and take on board the bits that work for you and ignore the bits that don't.
Okay, characteristic number one, number one on my list is that you actually really, really like time to yourself. This is a huge one for me. I love time on my own. I am more than happy in my own company and always have been and actually sometimes need that time alone. And do you know how long it took me to realize that that was not something that was wrong with me?
I was raised to believe that if I was antisocial and if I just wanted to have some time on my own, or if I didn't want to play with the other kids in the playground, that meant that I lacked confidence and someone needed to fix me. And sometimes that piece around confidence actually became self fulfilling as other people projected their view of what me wanting to be alone meant to them and they determined that I wasn't confident enough and they then tried to fix that side.
But actually for me, I was really quite happy being on my so this will be the number one point on the list. Number two, you may prefer working alone or in a really small team rather than a big team. Now I'm not talking about you not being Able to work in a team. I spent half my career working in big teams, but I didn't like it. The bits I enjoyed were the bits where I could go to my office, close the door and just get on with it, or work with a really small group, maybe four or five people.
I kind of hated being in this big team and this big room with lots and lots of people and the inefficiency of all of it, and the big loud person who would always want to be in control. Control. And I ended up competing with that person and trying to be the loud person. I felt I needed to speak, even though that was not really the true me. If I'd done what I wanted to do, I would have just got on with my bit and not tried to compete with that other person.
So if you're more happy working on your own, then you have another tick on the introvert list. If you are more happy working in a small team rather than a big team, probably another tick on the list. It might be that you are someone who's built a business and expanded it with a really big team because your contemporary extrovert role models were doing that and that's what you thought success meant.
But for you as an introvert, you might actually prefer a business model that is more intimate with a smaller team, perhaps less turnover, but higher profits. It's all for you to choose. Okay, characteristic number three. You might prefer writing out your thoughts rather than speaking them out loud. Okay, has this ever happened to you? Someone says something to you and you cannot think what to say.
Maybe it was a cutting comment or she was rude or she was unnecessary, or he was rude or unnecessary. And in your mind you have all, all of these things you want to say, but what comes out is just a bit weak. You would rather avoid the confrontation or an argument. So you almost let the other person say what they want just to move on and avoid having to have that kind of face to face moment.
Then for the next three or four hours, you think of all the answers you could have said and you even write them down. And when you do, the response is perfect, it's spot on, it's exactly right. But then it's too late. This is a classic characteristic I definitely identify with. I prefer writing. I prefer writing my thoughts so I have time to process them. And I really, really hate the phrase you need to think on your feet.
No, no, I think best at a desk with a keyboard or with a pen in my hand and a coffee and a doodle pad. That's there to help me think and to process the outer world into my inner world. And what I learned later in life is that I'm a natural writer. Writing comes really easily to me. And I think this is actually connected to my introvert ways. Because for so long I had to mask. For so much of my life, I mask.
And so I kind of learned lots of different characters by imitating different extroverts around me. And funnily enough, this makes it really easy to stand in other people's shoes when I'm writing. And so one day I have a big ambition to write some books. And I mention this in case this also resonates with you. If you're a bit of a natural writer and you like writing and you feel really comfortable there and you find it easy to step into other people's shoes because you've spent so long imitating.
Yes, some of that may be down to neurodiversity and masking, but some of it is also down to introversion. Number four characteristic. You like a few friends, but not millions and millions of friends. If you find that you like to talk to people and you like to get to know them, this is leaning into your more introvert side. Now, I'm not saying extroverts don't get to know people. I'm just saying that there's a different tendency, a different choice.
It's more about you finding out about other people rather than you talking about yourself. So actually, if someone gives you a glass of wine at a party, you can strike up a conversation, but if the group gets bigger and bigger in the conversation, you would rather stay talking to the small, smaller mini group rather than be in the bigger group. And I'm raising my hand here as this is me.
I can make friends and I can socialize, but I actually prefer to have a few high quality relationships rather than million and millions of friends that I don't know that well. Part of my understanding of my introverted personality was learning that I didn't need to push myself to go to big arenas and concerts and things that were rammed with people where I was going to have to talk to lots and lots of people all of the time.
I knew that my downtime from that would be really high on the other side. So I needed to limit the amount of times that I did that that might resonate with you. And then finally, number five, you are very, very self aware. This last one, the last one I've picked, and I should add here that there are way more than five characteristics, but these are probably my top five when I'm thinking about entrepreneurship, and this last one I've picked is that you are very inward turning.
What I mean by that is that you are actually very focused on what you are about. So you might think a lot about your life, what you're lear learning and really understanding how you tick. And you find all of this quite interesting. I do this. It's one of the reasons that I'm such an expert on inner worlds and mindset and energy and understanding how your mind works and how that relates to you running your business or your interactions with your family or whether something interests you or not.
Now, I'm not saying that extroverts don't find that interesting, but for sure it is a characteristic that I relate to as an introvert and the introversion is very closely connected to that. Okay, so although I've picked out these character traits as my top five other things that you might relate to, and I'm going to give you four more just as quick sentences. So number one, if you feel really unfocused, if you are overstimulated, that could also be connected to being quite introverted.
Number two, you can feel overwhelmed if you're in a busy social situation or even busy in your own situations. Number three, you like to learn by watching others rather than jumping straight in first time and doing it yourself. So your typical extrovert will use trial and error themselves, whereas an introvert is more comfortable watching and then trying. And then finally, number four, you like jobs that involve independence and not jobs that involve a lot of social interaction.
So what does all this mean? And why am I talking about all of these little different personality quirks? Well, for me, once I realized that being an introvert was not an inferior quality when being an entrepreneur or building my business, I started to give myself a bit of a break. I started to recognize the things I needed to do to help myself balance my introvert life with a world that so often seems to primarily cater for extroverts.
So what can you do to help yourself with some of the things I've mentioned if they resonate with you? And what I'm going to give you for the rest of this podcast are four changes that I made to my life that I'm hoping by sharing these with you that you might be able to find some or all of them useful things that you might be able to implement too. Okay, change number one. This is scheduling what I call white space time. I have done this for a long, long time and I've spoken About this before.
In the previous iterations of the podcast, one of the main traits for me was that I felt physically and mentally exhausted after big social events. And when I say big social events, sometimes they weren't even that big, just big. For me, this is both in my personal life and in my work life.
So if, for example, we had people to stay for a weekend, or I had to work a weekend doing a class or a talk or anything that meant I was out on display, I would finish it and be really drained, like really exhausted. And that came with a sense of panic as to why. And I used to beat myself up about this and think that I had to just suck it up and get on with the next thing until I realized that introverts need to schedule in the space around these events.
And so what I now do is ensure that I cushion big events with quiet days to myself either side. For example, if I had a weekend of social staff parties, business conferences, or something similar, I would make sure that the following Monday was completely empty. Nothing. No meetups, no private clients, no calls, nothing. Just time to get my head recovered from the social drain that happens when I'm socializing.
Now, if you compare that to an extrovert who loves people all the time, they will not feel as drained. They will bounce from one social event to another and it won't be so tiring. If, however, you are more like me, try scheduling some space, some white space to cushion your social events. Think of it like recovery time, where your mind and your body can rebalance to a level that you feel more comfortable with and then you'll carry on as normal after that. You cannot reset your personality.
It is how you are born. So the sooner you accept that you are this way and you learn to manage it, the easier it gets. Remember, embrace it. Extroverts will not always understand you and may think that you are a little bit curt or shy or even rude. And this is not your fault. This is their lack of understanding. Because unless you are an introvert, you don't really know what this feels like. And remember, alongside this and being an introvert, it's not your entire personality.
You may also be neurodiverse. You may have trauma, you may have limiting beliefs and blocks. You may be working way more in your masculine and femme rather than feminine energy. There are lots of things that make you up, so labeling yourself as just an introvert probably doesn't help either. But the faster you start to really learn who you are and how you work from the inside out, the easier Your business, your relationships, making money and just life become.
This is why I do what I do and why I work with people in my one to one and my courses. Because everything is about who you are, not what you're doing. Okay, change number three. This is recognizing that overstimulation can lead to a massive drop in your energy. And this is seriously an honest revelation for me because I know that it may help with some of you. Sometimes if I push myself too far out my own self boundaries because I'm seduced by the extrovert world, I get overwhelmed.
And when that happens, my creative brain completely shuts down. And that, as a naturally creative person, can actually be really scary. If you feel like you've suddenly lost your superpower, this is probably happening now. In the past I used to have a massive energetic drop as a result of this, but now I really understand my energetics and I work with energy a lot, so this doesn't happen so much as a side effect. But I'm mentioning it because it may be happening to you.
This massive drop of energy as a result of overstimulation was something I looked into quite a lot. You see, introverts can start to feel drained and overwhelmed even when to everyone else their world looks perfect. This happens because it's easy to become seduced by the excitement of the extrovert ways. And then you end up accidentally trying to live and work a little bit like an extrovert.
You go out with your friends, you go out with your husband, or at least you try to have some date nights, even if that's watching TV together. You keep yourself busy, busy, busy falling into the masculine way of doing things and pushing and doing all of the time. You might take courses run by extroverts and then you're influenced by their ways too.
And then even if you flip a little bit more into your more feminine side and you allow yourself to receive, you might not have built any of that white space time that I mentioned earlier. And sometimes the error here is to try and fix the energy drop by trying to do something, by trying to keep going. Because society makes you feel that you have to live like this extrovert in an extrovert world.
So you think that you have to do something, even though that's not what is your natural feeling at this point. When your energy is dropped as an introvert, you may feel much less overwhelmed if you focus more time on receiving and flowing just than by doing things all of the time. Does that make sense? Giving yourself permission to stop doing for a Little bit to recover, to receive and to actually build that into your normal life. Because it is all a balance.
But if you feel out of balance, instead of looking for something to do to fix that, instead of looking at ways to do things, look at ways of receiving things instead. Less doing, more being who you really are. That might be taking time to remove some of the stimulations, or stepping off the hamster wheel for a few days, or just allowing yourself to schedule that space time, that white time, allowing yourself to receive time and space. Lack of that white space will leave you feeling overwhelmed.
Even when you're on top of your work, even when you're thinking, I'm not overwhelmed, you will still feel it. You will lose some of your creativity and think, why am I overwhelmed? Why on earth am I feeling like this? And you might be thinking things like, normally, I would manage this, but it's going wrong. And you get easily distracted and you're not moving forward. Chances are it's going wrong because you didn't give yourself the white space.
And the reason I wanted to talk about this is because the fix is so easy. Just build a little bit more white space into your weekly regular timetable. All you do is close out the world for a short while until you're feeling normal again. And there is nothing wrong with that. You're not antisocial, you're not broken. You are just an introvert personality. You don't have to keep going. You're not a machine that's supposed to be going all of the time. Like your batteries never run out.
Once I made this change, the changes in my life that rippled from that were massive. Understanding how I had the power to control my week and not make it like I was seeing other people doing it, and actually scheduling all of that white space and that time to just recharge made such a huge difference.
Now, I would just add here because it's really important that although I'm talking about taking these bits of time out, they're supposed to be short periods, maybe a day or so, not weeks and weeks and months and months. Because there's a difference between white space time and then total isolation. And if you're isolating yourself, that can be really damaging to your mental health. So just make sure you keep that distinction.
I'm talking about short periods of recharging, like recharging your batteries. And then finally change number four, stop listening to people who say things like, I can turn you from an introvert into an extrovert. I used to read things like this and see blog Posts like this and read them thinking that there were genuinely steps I could take to be more extrovert. Now, they were quite often disguised. They didn't have the words, I can turn you from an introvert to an extrovert.
They would say ways that you need to change your business or things that you need to do to show up more online or things like that. And I would equate these posts as telling me that I had to change myself. But actually, it was almost. Now when I look back at it, it was like, for example, reading something like, I can turn you from gay to straight or from straight to gay, it's just totally wrong.
It's totally ridiculous to try and change someone from the person that they were born to be, whether that's their sexual preference, their gender, their color, or their introvert or extrovert nature. You are you. Who you are is the woman you are. Embrace you and love the way that you are and love being curious about finding out more about you and less about who you think you should be.
Because once you really understand who you are and once you understand what introversion means for you, then you can start to educate those people around you as to what that means for you fitting in with your environment. So let me give you an example here. I sat down James, my husband, and my kids, and I just said, sometimes mummy likes to go for a walk and just think on her own. And I said to little Wren, who at the time was much younger and never, ever, ever stops talking. She still doesn't.
She talks all the time. And so I had to sit with her. And I still do. And I teach her that sometimes I can just sit and I can just have a hug with her and I don't need to speak. And that doesn't mean that I'm not happy or doesn't mean there's something wrong. It just means I don't want to speak as much. And for us as a family, we've had a huge focus on our kids over the years, on trying to teach them who they are and then to respect other people for who they are too.
You, it's about understanding different types of people. And this is no different for you as adults. So if you can get your closest people around you on board with what your needs are, you don't need to apologize for your needs. You just need to be confident to say, this is who I am.
And I've done a bit of research and I've worked out a little bit more about who I am, and I need to show up in these ways once you've worked out what they are, in order to feel positive, to feel happy, and to feel content with my life. To feel authentic. The real authentic, not the authentic that you might have thought about in the past. You're not apologizing, you're just embracing the real parts of who you are, which is part of what total freedom is. Now. This applies to all of you.
All parts of you, not just the introversion part. Every single aspect of who you are. So I'm hoping today's episode is just helping you give a little bit more understanding to this introverted side of you. Because understanding exactly who you are in all levels is the key to almost everything in life and in business. Okay, so those are my four changes that I took to help me better manage my life as an introvert in an extrovert world.
And I hope some of you will find them useful in your business and in your personal journeys. Remember, life is not about being the same as everyone else. It is 100% about embracing being different, unique, individual and truly you. And if you can carry that through to your business as well, you have something really extremely special. And that is all from me this week.
I hope you find this a useful episode and if you did enjoy it, just leave a little five star review over on Apple podcast or a comment over on Spotify or tag me on socials with an image of you or the podcast or whatever works for you.
And as I've mentioned previously, if you are looking for a little bit more regular daily motivation, then head on over to my website and look in the footer or the header in the header menu on Explore section and you will see the Inside Out Wisdom series on my website. You can go read about what that is there, but you will love that if you've liked this episode because it is all about boosting your daily motivation and understanding who you really are on an energetic level from the inside out.
I will see you all next time and have a great week. Bye.