Putting Yourself First featuring Ali Krieger and Ashlyn Harris

I'm psyched about our guests today because they're new friends. I didn't really know them. They are powerful, powerhouse women. They are soccer stars, their World World Saw Crew stars. They're married, they now are New Jersey residents. They have a beautiful child. And I'm excited to talk to Ali Krieger and ash Lyn Harris. Yeah, I'm super excited to talk to them women in sports. They're amazing. I have a lot of questions. So here goes our conversation with

the girls. Hi, It's so nice to meet you. What a thorough Hi. So, how are you guys doing? Freezing? Freezing? Yeah, welcome to New York. So you're enjoying Florida? I bet. Yeah, it's kind of it's well, it's actually freezing here too, for Florida. Really it's freezing. Yeah, I think it's you know, fifty we went to training this morning. It was what I was uncomfortable. You have Well you guys are from Florida. Yes, right, so do you guys have one of those buttons where

you could press to get the heat going? Honestly, I wish, I wish. It's not that easy. So, I mean it's interesting because you guys, you live together, you career together, you know your parents together, you do everything together. Does one person take certain things or how does it work? Yeah? I think it's a really good like balance and team effort. I feel like Ali does her things and I'm very take care of the house, take care of the cleaning, take care of the cooking. Wow. Yeah, and what does

that leave me? I'm not dogs organizational stuff with like banking bills, mail, making sure I'm staying on track. Yeah. So I think we naturally have our own you know, things that we do that that makes us complete. Yeah, like I mean like any couple. I mean yeah, absolutely,

any couple. So that as normal as as you get right, Yeah, and you guys are pretty much newly with right two years nineteen yeah, two years according to your Instagram where I congratulations, thank you, thank you, and the baby the baby is already wont like yesterday? Right Saturday, today's her adoption announcement day. Saturday was her birthday. Yeah, congratulations, that's so fun, thank thank you. Oh my god, what a beauty. She had the best time. She literally had the best time. Yeah,

good thing. We didn't go overboard with all the decor. Yeah yeah, right, not at all. It looks like a really low key celebration. Oh my goodness, it was just us. Oh my god. The whole house is still up and the outfit, the whole thing, I mean it was it was too good. Oh but but now, so who's that? Because I know, Ash, you're the close style one of you. Are you more like house decorator or how does that work? I'm particular? Yeah I do that. I do the decor,

the birthday decre and Ash. Yeah, she has great input and you know, design in the house and other specific things. Playing mutual. But I feel like sometimes Ali really need like she really needs her input, so she'll just go ahead and buy things without asking, like, hey, where do you think this goes, so I'm like in the base or feel like it doesn't go. So that's kind of our dynamics. Well, I think it's funny every couple. I don't know about you, Angelie, but I can't really buy

a fork without Stevenson. Oh yeah, I like this fork. Like he's very opinionated, so you kind of have to learn what works right. It's like, what do you think about this for Oh, I don't know, what do you think? I don't know what do you think? Up to you? And then I could pick my fork and I feel like after twenty some years of marriage up and I

like I still haven't quite figured out what. He'll have a very strong opinion on im, Like I know the obvious things like a big change, but the little things like I'll just get it and put it in the house and then he'll walk by it from months be like is that you? And like six months like that base, you know you won't notice, But then there'll be something very specific that he'll hone in on it. It'll really it'll be like why did we buy that cup? Change

that you know? It's like it's so not a big deal that Ladle isn't going to change anything in this kitchen, but he'll like really fixate on it. So you just never know. And how about it work? Like what happens on the field, you guys like, Oh, she yells at me all the time, I actually play a position that's well, she could see the whole field and everyone, but I play right in front of her, so if I make a mistake, she needs to then try and save them

of going into the goal. So yeah, I get yeall that quite often, But you didn't you praise us when we do something good. So honestly, we have a very professional work life, like it's business. I am very competitive. Everything I do is about competing. Um, it's like a part of who I am. So I am. I'm very intense. We don't we We've learned after several years we take nothing home, nothing personal, and we always have the drive home to discuss whatever happened happened at work and then

once we get home, Yeah, done. That's amazing though, what a great philoso because we I feel like we've talked to a few people who work with their spouses or significant others and we haven't really dug into the weeds of how that works. And I can't imagine working with my spouse, like I love them to death, but there's no we would absolutely kill there's no way, Like even during the pandemic. Oh yeah, I mean just during the like even he's a doctor and he you know, so

he was in the hospital. So we I worked at home, he was in the hospital, and it worked fine. But I think even if we had been in the same physical space, having to navigate around each other and working, I think it would have been really challenging because our work styles are so different. Even our tone on the phone is super different. But it's interesting because you guys met at work, right, Yeah, we didn't. Didn't meet on

the field. We did, And I think that's why we've been able to work together this long and have a relationship because we built that friendship and that foundation first, and then on top of that, you know, the emotional relationship I guess turned more physical at that time. But I think we had a really good friendship and foundation for about a year before we actually tried dating um, and I think that's what set us up for success. And then how long did you guys quote unquote date

before you got engaged? And who asked who? Probably in ten years. Um, I asked, everyone's looking at me. I was Ali to marry me? Yes, m hm, the one who did that, lucky me. She said, yes. But now nobody knew that you were dating until Is it true that nobody? I mean people obviously close to you probably knew, but like the world didn't know. Your fans didn't know officially you were dating until you got engaged. Is that right? Yeah?

So Ali and I were really nervous to lose sponsorship and to make it an uncomfortable environment for the people around us. So we were very clear with the team comes first and our personal lives UM came second. And you can only keep that up for so long. I feel like at some point we felt like we couldn't be our authentic so so we just spoke about it and we're like, you know what, at this point, I'm willing to risk it all, lose it all, to just be me, and if people have an issue with that, um,

that's their loss. I also felt like for us, we weren't able to give our club everything, our family and friends everything, UM, just the people who were supporting us through our whole entire relationship, and just our lives. We weren't able to be all ourselves and give everything we had. So once we you know, told the world, hey, this is who we are, and then we're living this authentic life and we're getting engaged and we're you know, going to have a family in the future and all the things.

We were then able to give everyone everything and more into our work, and more into ourselves as individuals, and then more into us as a couple. So I think it was um for the better and at the timing, and I thought was really beneficial for us. And I do feel like it's delusional to think and this is what our culture and society has made us, has made us feel over the years that like we weren't worthy of that, that we couldn't like share this together and

work together. So we were hiding and then we were preaching to live this life and be open and be you, when in fact it was really difficult for us because our sport paid our bills. But was this something that you were advised to do to not tell or you guys just were worried, just worried. We were worried what the federation would think at the time, and if we would get fired from our job, that we were a couple playing on the same team, you know, trying to

win a World Cup, in Olympic gold medal. It's it's just, I don't know. We were a bit nervous. We didn't want people to think that we were bringing our relationship into the school, odd into the team and not really focusing on how as individuals um and elite athletes we

could help the team be successful. But little did we realize at the time, we weren't our full authentic selves and we weren't really you know, as individuals bringing our best anyway, until we actually came out and said, like, this is who we are and we're going to be even better for the squad because of it. And I feel I feel like it gave a platform like this is normal, Like people fall in love at work all the time, and it's not this thing where you have

to choose and like it just happens. You actually have to be open about it. I mean, that's you, you know, so you know. Unfortunately it took a long time, but this was before the pandemic, right yeah. And also you were peers in that situation too, So I think like a big distinguishing factor would be that you're coming in as equals, as teammate and that sort of things. So and the response was so overwhelming, like the opposite direction what we assumed. Yeah, and then we're like, why did

this take so long? What were we doing? Yeah, that's amazing. So this podcast is called The Important Thing, So it's really about how things, how the pandemic has changed you or how you have changed. So could you talk a little bit about that, like what has changed for you guys personally during the pandemic or because apart from the baby, Yeah,

becoming parents, becoming moms has definitely changed. I think, UM, taking care of ourselves, UM, because I know everyone has struggled through COVID and the pandemic and UM kind of sitting with yourself and sitting with your own thoughts and still trying to be your best as an individual, to give more for you to your work, UM, for us to our team and continue to get better every day. And how to do that with being restricted with UM, you know, not being able to work out with a team.

Now we're having to work out individually. How to stay fit when you can't really go to a gym, you have to just use your sidewalk or street or home gym or home bike or I don't know. You just have to start finding ways of how to still bring your best and be your best every day in order to help our team be successful. UM. So it was really difficult for us to kind of keep a routine, keep our mentality at a high level so that we could,

you know, get back. Once we could get back after COVID, we could then still perform our best, UM and help the team win. So how to I guess individually, keep uh physically, emotionally and mentally fit in order to perform at the top level when we were going back to work um and for us was just going back to play football. So it was tough to find kind of and navigate through those schedules to really continue being top athletes.

But then, what did you do because most of us struggle with that that we're not professional athletes, Like, what do you guys do? I mean, and what did you do to kind of keep yourself fit? And and and take me to take us through a day to day what you guys do because you are incredibly fit. We partnered with Rogue incredible They sent an entire gym to our house, so we were very very fortunate and lucky

to have that. UM, thank you. And we we had a routine and we had a schedule every day when we woke up, Um, you know, either she was doing weights and I was on the peloton, and then we would flip and we just keep it. We just held each other accountable. That's what we're actually really good at in our relationship. UM. We we we knew that the easy thing to do would sit around and watch Netflix, whatever

the case. But we had to grind and we had to do our workouts, and we had to stay on schedule, and we had to have a purpose and we would feel like we're checking boxes to get through the day. UM. We heavily invested in breathing exercises. UM, so that was a big priority. UM. Walking family walks became a really big party our routine. We would do it every morning

and every sunset. Um. We started to cook a lot more and that's like a lot of bonding time came around the kitchen and just you cooked a lot more than it was. It was fun, but I gotta be honest, I enjoyed just unplugging. My entire life, at least to this point, has been dedicated to my profession ship and being an athlete is a twenty four hour job. What you eat, how you how you sleep, your recovery, how hard your training, all eyes on you all the time.

And I finally could just be home and breathe, not in an airport airport, not in a hotel, not in another country. I just could chill and be with my wife, be with my family. And it was very small at the time, but I'm really enjoyed it. It gave me a time to reflect on the most important things in life, and for so long, my partnership and my family had

had always come second. And I think when we could sit and have all these incredible conversations about like reconnecting and creating this life without a soccer ball, what is it going to look like? And I think that's where Ali and I were like, it's kind of I'm kind of ready for the next step. And that's when we decided to adopt. So actually, the pandemic has that was a pandemic decision that may yep, yeah, and the pandemic we were like, we heard, you know, same sex couples,

it could take years. It happened in like three weeks, so we were like, we were like, we had the Olympics coming up, what are we gonna do? And they We're like, this is this is the path, this is it and we haven't looked back, and it's been the happiest. It's been the happiest time of both of our lives. So I really do think COVID came in and just restructured, restructured everything. What's most important life, you know, And it's so easy to get caught up in it, like you know,

the money you or the fame or the things. It's just it's like it's not fulfilling all the time. And we finally could sit down and be like, there's more to life than just this game. There's more to who we are as people than just a soccer ball. Well, you sound so emotionally like centered and healthy, and I know it wasn't always the case. And I know that you have spent a lot of you know, time on on is it both you guys or just to Ashland.

I think we just yeah, um yeah, I definitely go to therapy and focus on my mental health and also we both um do breathing exercises just so like you know, come lower our anxiety and and stress levels. Because we're so competitive in this game. Is is like a constant stressor and there's so many different um layers to it that you have to really handle and kind of breathe

through and stay calm. And so I think we tried to use specific tools to help lower that stress and stay calm and UM kind of what's the saying that we always used to say, just um, thrive under pressure. So you have to have this calmness about you, especially at our age and being veterans in this game, we've had so much experience, and so now we just have to kind of keep that in a in a specific

calmness that we then have to implement in our daily life. UM. And I think we both do that through therapy, through sports psychologists, talking within our team, making sure everyone's okay. UM. So that's definitely been consistent within our routine since day one. Can you talk about the breathing exercises that you mentioned,

because I would love to know more. I mean, I'm not in the roitely like, I'm definitely not, you know, a performance athlete by any structure the imagination, but the stress of the pandemic, they sort of ongoing stress was just of life. But definitely sort of pandemic agitation as it were, um is you know, causing me to have feelings of anxiety and things that I've never experienced before and trying to take that down and not just something that I would love to know what you guys do.

So I'll start I was, and I'll be honest, Um, during the pandemic and going through an adoption process is very stressful and you really just are on this journey of uncertainty. You know, you just don't know if it's going to happen or And I was having a lot of panic attacks, and um, a lot of it came at night when I was trying to sleep. So I spoke to our sports site and strength and conditioning coach

and they had added in my routine. Um, after every workout, I would do this breathing exercise and she would put it on and I would sit there and she would help, she would kind of guide me through it because I don't really know what I'm doing, and there was different different positions, and you you know, you it's a practice, you know, you're you don't have to be perfect. You just keep working at it. And I would just sometimes even just sit sit there and close my eyes and

just feel everything melt out of my body. And it was a moment and an act of being present but also letting go all the other things I can't control,

and I just really stuck with it. We both did, and it was something we continued in our routine, even if it was only for ten minutes, like before training or after training, usually after to kind of just wind down, um, go through the recovery, and we would stretch, and then we would do our breathing exercises and it just like even for ten minutes, even taking ten deep breaths really helps. So um, we would just listen to uh you know.

It wasn't like a app. Yeah, um that a lot of surfers I think would use as well, so, but we would switch it up a lot. It wasn't always the same. We would try multiple apps and breathing exercises to see which one fit. But um, yeah, it's been great and it automatically makes you feel better, lighter, and then we would just go on with the rest of our day and feel really relieved after a tough training.

Ten minutes sounds like a long time to me. It's something that I have not incorporated and it's something that I'm like, I gotta do it, but you know, can I start with one minute? Absolutely start with thirty seconds? Yes, okay, al right, not now, just kidding, but honestly, I really do feel that's gonna be dead silent for thirty seconds, everybody I know. I do feel though, that if you don't take control of your own like health and mental health, no one else will be able to do it for you.

So I I do feel there are so many benefits of self care, even if it's thirty seconds of breathing. That's probably something that we've learned most during the pandemic. Does that put yourself first, make yourself a priority, um there in your recovery process as well after training, and we have felt ten times better on my list. I'll send you an app Yeah, yeah, okay. Well, they say that if you can't find twenty minutes to meditate. I meditate every morning for if you can't find twenty minutes,

it means you need two hours. It's like that's sort of the cliche of meditation in the meditation world. That's what you know. And because it's like that, but if you're that busy that you can't find that time. You need a lot more time to meditate. Well, I'm not that busy. My mind is that busy, you know, my mind is really busy. Yeah, but that that's the point. Yeah, it's like if you can't feel, if you're like I

cannot find time to do this. But yeah, I think the idea of not letting perfect and in the way of good and just like doing it whatever it looks like that day is is a really great lesson. And talk to me a little bit about your foundation that helps people with emotional and mental issues, because I think it's amazing. Yeah, A big believer in supporting mental health and addiction and depression and you know, suicide, all the things that are so prevalent, prevalent in our society and

culture that people are so uncomfortable to talk about. And it's okay to not be okay. We all experience it. It's like a very normal part of life. And I feel like it's been very taboo and don't talk about it. That's not something we should we should talk about. So I'm very active in um that community, and I'm very open and honest with how I feel all the time. And what's the name of it, the nonprofit that I

am very tied to is to Write Love on Our Arms. UM. It's based in Melbourne, Florida, where I grew up and one of my best guy friends, Jamie Tarkowski, started it. It has saved so many people in so many ways, and it's really important to support mental health because, as you both know, during this COVID time and it has been very very difficult, difficult for a lot of people people. So, um yeah, I think mental health is is something we need to invest more, especially health care. Um. Even on

our soccer teams. It's a priority now being able to speak to someone and being taking mental health leaves is a new thing in our cb A. UM. So it's it's getting there. That's amazing. It's so important and it's getting there, and it's it's something we have to keep talking about and everyone experienced it. It's incredible how many elite female athletes in particular are really talking about this so much just of late, right, we've got you both,

Nami Asaka um Simone Biles. I mean, so many people at the top of their game really prioritizing their own mental health, and I think it's game changing for young people across the world to be to see people that they look up to admitting that they've had their own struggles is incredibly powerful. I mean it's not something I grew up with for sure. And um, I remember the first time a friend suggested to go to therapy. I was like, I'm fine, Like, it's just culturally, we don't

do that. We don't talk to you know, I'm an immigrant. We just muscled through it, like we don't do that. And and it's if I had had folks like you to look up to when I was younger, I think it would have been a very different versation. Yeah, and I think social media has been a big driving factor behind it. And I'll be the first to admit I can go on Twitter or Instagram and see five comments about you're doing great to stay active in the community.

We love what you do for like this moment, there could be too bad comments booths stuck in my head. This is what someone thinks. Someone thinks this, and me like, I work so hard, you know, for the community and this and that, and like I'm like, what am I doing? But it's so difficult. Yeah. I put on my profile that I delete negative comments, and I do as soon as I see when I just it makes me feel powerful m hm, So you won't see a lot of people trashing me. The mute button and block functions very

effective for me. It's just everyone and they're always like profile lists people like, it's never the people with real profiles that are saying this, it's all the bobs and stuff. And once I realized that, I was like, Oh, these are not people that whose opinions I need to care about, Like unless you were at the Burnet Browns from school of thought, unless you were in the arena, I'm not interested in your opinion. It's hard. It's easier to do,

but I mean I really try. And and since you guys are these world class athletes, can you talk to us girls who want to feel better be in better shape? Like what things could normal people do that you do? I mean eating and vitamin's Like, what do you guys have any finding? Honestly all, my biggest priority and feeling good from like the inside out is sleep. Like I just think people don't value it enough, and as we get older, we know, like we just don't sleep that

much and we don't make time for it. So that's my big thing for me. I think stretching um right when you wake up in the morning and before you go to bed. Ashton is actually really good at this UM. But any time you go running, any time you ride a bike, make sure you stretched before and after UM. And I think that has what has kept me at the top of my game for so long, and especially as I get older, I feel like stretching now, I really value that, especially before and after training and just

kind of getting your body ready for that exercise. And I don't think people realize how effective that is and

how positive and healthy that is for your body. I also think we always, like women in in general, are always searching for this ideal, like look, I need to look this bit and this grit, and it's just I think beauty is so much about inside and all of us athletes, all of us, you know, everyday people are shaped completely completely differently, like Serena Williams is shaped so different than anyone in the female game, and she's the

most success successful. So I just think just owning your body type, but living a healthy, healthy lifestyle is totally key. You don't have to be stick skinny, you don't have some perfect abs. If you were really like healthy in the decisions you make and you're happy preach, let's go. The last thing I'll say is that we get a physical every year. And I know a lot of the older generations, UM, I don't necessarily love going to the doctor mother in law. We tell my mom and my

mother in law all the time. UM, So I know it's not at the top of the list, but I really value getting a physical every year and making sure that you check your blood and all the things to make sure that you know you're taking care of yourself and your healthy. See. I'm the person that if you said, I've got this guy and he checks her L T d S and your A B d S, and I'd be like, all right, I don't even know what they are, but I want to know if there's got to be

something that someone could like. You know, That's what I always like. You guys, eat what you want to take supplements. Yeah, we do. We take vitamins and we also did um a food allergy test, which I think would be very valuable for you, but for you both, just because sometimes you're eating things that like I'm not supposed to have any coffee. Of course, I'm not going to listen to that. Maybe I shouldn't, but I learned that. But there are certain foods that I think there were three foods or

something that we cabbage worn and coffee for me. But if you can then stay away from those types of foods, you might feel a lot healthier and you might feel better waking up every day. So there might be a food that you eat every day that you might have an allergy towards. Or yeah, I think it's really key. And which which test do you guys do, because there's so many. It was actually it was it was about it was within our club. We can find that out.

I'll have to look at it, but it is. It is important because for me, I kept getting these allergic react like reactions when I would have um wine and I was like Jesus, all these bumps on my back and I'm scratching it. And then I did my allergy tests and I'm allergic to grapes and I'm like, I love red wine, no wonder, I feel like crap And it said, well, good more for me. Yeah, so now it always goes to alley. So now what do you drink or do you not drink wine? But I only

drinking I'm very just I mean, you're definitely you. Your girls are definitely are kind of girls that's the best. And you're like, well, I still drink red wine, just a smaller cup it was are doing. I'm living. I'm living my best life over here. I'm just not going to drink it three days before a game and then just talk to me a little bit about the you know, the companies that you've been lucky enough to be part of. Both you guys, you have a bunch of sponsorships, Like,

you know what what really moves you besides the paycheck? Like, you know what do you get excited about? Well, I think we're at a point now that it's way more than money, like sustainability, Like are you heavily involved in the right like activism and social things out there? Are you preaching the right things that support all and you know, include all communities. Are you a part of the problem?

Are you part of the solution? So? I think we're at that point in our career that we're very selective. We want to keep pushing the envelope. We want to leave this world a better place for our child hopefully children. UM. And we care about the environment environment, UM, we care about the LGBTQ community, UM, black lives matter. We care about animals and plants and all the things in between. So yes, we are very lucky to partner with some incredible,

incredible brands. But I'll tell you what we do a deep dive. It's not h oh, just look at the figures, but we need to really take a deep dive of what they stand for, what they're investing their money in, what causes are they a part of UM? Are they donating you know too, this that and whatever? UM. Those are important things that we have to check off the box before we even have a first conversation. That's really great.

And we also want to fight for, you know, issues that we believe in, and that we have to find, you know, within those sponsorships and those companies, is UM that we partner with that we share that same view and that they also value similar things as we do. And I think that's really important. That we never want to just be defined by being footballers. We want to stay active in our community. We want to yeah, like

I said, fight for issues that we believe in. And I think that's what separates us from other footballers is that, UM, some people are just happy to impact the game physically on the field, but we want to do it all. We want to impact the game on the field. We want to leave the game better than where than when we found it. But also we want to use our platforms to fight for you know, social issues and stay active in our community, UM, and continue to use our

voice for good. And so we have to make sure that people who we work with and we partner with kind of have those same values. And I'll just follow that up with the last comment. When we it's a bobby just like you said, it's a partnership. So we were invested in these people, in these brands. We want to help and push and put it in the right direction. It's not just it's an exchange for us. Feels icky, you know, Oh, here's money just posted on your social

We we are we don't do that. It has to be a true partnership where you know, we're having these conversations, we're creating things together. Um, how can we merge the gap between beauty and sport and athlete and everyday women or whatever the case cases. UM, it has to be a long term partnership where it doesn't just feel like, um, I'm using you and you're using me and then we'll move on to the next person. We don't do that anymore. You're like moving away from like that's the sort of

transactional nature. But to these endorsements, it's great. Yeah, it's so transactional. Great word exactly. And then I have a very serious question. Have you watched Ted Lasso? No, you have has a scene. Okay, this interview is over. You need to well, all right, yeah, you need to stop everything you're doing and go. We're gonna start just dropping the baby off the bobby and we're going to get catch up on all the shows. Yes please, Okay, perfect.

So we have one closing question that we ask all of our guests, and that's if you could tell someone who's listening, And I think I know the answer, but if you could tell someone who's listening, what is the one thing that could change their life for the better by just doing this one thing? What could it be? And you guys could give separate one so you don't have to like, you know, okay, you go. She's very good at these things. So it's hard to follow up. I have to, but I'll just say one because I

always say the other one. I was thinking UM, but I think don't be afraid to take a risk, because taking that risk in my life led me to my dream job. And I believe I was put in a very uncomfortable situation that made me grow not only as a person, but as a player, and I performed that much better. Um, and it got me to this position

that I'm at now. And so I feel like, if there's a risk that you could take and it might be a little scary and you might have an irrational, you know, fear, take it because it could possibly lead you to bigger and better things. I love that. Yeah, that's great. UM, I will say this, UM, I hope people are inspired by my truth. UM. I spent so many wasted years trying to be someone I'm not and I can't get those years back. UM. So I would tell someone out there who's listening, it's never too late

to live your truth. And UM, I hope people feel the courage and the freedom who they want to be inside and not fearful of how others may react. So that's what I would say. Now, you're gonna that was really beautiful. Love you guys, Love you guys. Yeah, we love you guys. Thanks so much for having us on. What a pleasure to meet you both. Oh no, thanks for being on and I'm just I know our audience is gonna love you so great. We appreciate that you do you staying to eat DL