Episode 2: Midnight Oil

The Hookup is a production of iHeart Podcasts, Blumbhouse Television, and Amber twenty. Listener discretion is totally advised. When I was little, my parents loved telling the story of my first ultrasound. My mother would recall eagerly waiting for the obgyn to turn the monitor so she could get a

You know, our boy Damien was born doggy style.

My father cackled joyously at my third grade orientation.

He was on all fours in utero and he's been that way ever since.

My mother teased to the Crustwick University tour guide. It didn't bother me when I was young, because I didn't really understand the implication.

The implication that you like taking it from behind on all fours.

Uh, this would be Santy. Usually throwing up on someone and passing out in their dorm ends a relationship quicker than you can say, is he breathing? But Santy was different. The next morning he asked me to brunch at the campus dining hall. No, not that implication. Well yeah, okay, that too. But what mainly bothered me as I got older was the idea that it made me like subordinate number two, as if I'm like physically predisposed to being on all fours. Santy narrows his eyes, and I know

But to my surprise, noted, we'll have to explore further next time you come over.

Sing to this guy. I mean, I could just sit here for hours watching him eat his shrimp fried rice. Shrimps. Don't know how lucky they are, what you think because you spent a whole meal swipe on me that I'm just gonna put out.

I don't know what to expect from me, Damien. I don't know anything about you.

Ignorance is bliss, Okay, what do you want to know?

Where are you from?

New York? Little suburb outside in WYC.

Did you spend a lot of time in the city? Kind of?

I mean I ran a Twitter account of different rats I saw on the subways, so I guess.

Oh, that's a niche.

I know, I know. Rats aren't the most beloved of God's gentle creatures. The plague was kind of a pr nightmare in that sense.

But can I guess? Can can I guess why you like rats? Okay, well, let's see. I want to say Damien likes rats because they're often underestimated and can fly under the radar. But you don't seem like a count a dog person. You probably had weird pets growing up as a kid, like rats, and they don't live very long, so you never risked forming an actual bond and then losing something you cared about. How'd I do?

I was gonna say I like rats because they're cute and the hairless ones look like aliens.

Well, either way, we have lab rats over in the science building. Should you ever want to reboot.

The account science building? A what's your major?

Chemistry? Can you feel it?

And now Santy's grinning at me, amused and in control number one? That was a good one, Santi.

Thanks just testing it.

Out, testing me like a labyrinth number two, But.

Don't change the subject. I want to learn about you. What makes Damien Hurst tick?

Mainly my ocd Oh, come on, that was funny.

Marginally, but I feel like you're using humor.

To deflect deflect me.

Fum what talking about yourself? Opening up?

Not true? Not true? Ask away? Not only will I open up, I'll even say, uh.

Do you have a boyfriend?

Yes, but we have an arrangement about passing out in other guy's bed, so it's totally cool. Damien, No, no boyfriend?

Have you ever had one?

No? No boyfriend?

Have you ever been with a guy.

I've hooked up with guys.

Yes, sex though, have you ever gone all the way?

He smells blood? No, no, Santy takes a sip of juice, eyes never leaving me, and then finally he gives me the tiniest smile and says.

Cool, cool.

I think that's a good response, to be fair, I don't really know what the ideal reply would even be. I guess cool is better than.

Lucky for you. I've got a green thumb. Want to get your petals plucked? Or fuck? Yeah till marriage?

Is there anything else? Inquisitor?

Yeah, one more question, Why did you let me go?

What? Santy? What's going on? Whoa put down the fork?

Why you.

He presses his thumb against the head of his fork, skewing himself on the times there's bloods like all over his shrimp. Now, Santi, what.

Do you want you?

Yeah? That was the catch with Santy total package, except sometimes he channels Satan and impale himself on cutlery. And also where does he get off accusing me of using humor to deflect ten thirty ten thirty fucking Santy dreams? See between us ethically raised free range chickens. My classwork has kind of fallen to the wayside since Santy disappeared the way way aside.

Your grades have dropped severely.

The Dean so keenly observed during our mandatory goals and progress check in the other day.

If you don't turn things around, we may have to re examine your standing here at Krestwick.

I get where she's coming from. I do, but I'm paying tuition, So what's it to her if I don't ace my exams or pass my exams or show up for them.

I understand you were present at the time of your friends disappearance last year. Have you seen one of our on campus counselors.

I have my own psychiatrist, thinks. I do see doctor Andrea Wiley every Wednesday and give her the rundown on my week. You know how I'm feeling, who's wronged me? Trying to get her to laugh at my jokes, therapy stuff. What I don't mention to doctor Wiley is the Santy situation. It just seems like such a can of worms, you know, slimy worms that'll make me answer tough questions and dig uncomfortably deep. No thanks, Besides, who needs therapy when you

Or hey feet?

Still, the trickiest questions setting in my metal inbox would have to be the one for my current and only lead in Santy's disappearance, the Ludlow Lodge bell Boy. Now that his hotel of former employment has been turned into an apartment complex, I can't figure out why he was hanging around there last night. Factor in his cryptic metal chat and proximity to Santy the night he disappeared, I'd consider him a bonafide suspect. But what was his message?

Hey? Man, what are you into?

I have the hookup? I need to play this carefully, the exact right phrasing, the exact right words, to make sure this lead doesn't slip away. Hi, Hey, what are you looking for? I'm not sure, really open to trying new things fire. Have you tried the hookup?

No?

What is that? Do you mean like hooking up?

You into group play?

Oh? That took a turn group play? I mean, I can't even fathom how exhausting that internal ranch is going to be. Not expressly no either, only looking for threesomes right now? Ah? Shit, Well I learned the bell boy likes threesomes. That's something right. I swiped a close out of Metal, but something catches my eye A profile with the picture of Santi. The photo is foggy, a bathroom mirror selfie, focused more on torso than head. But I'd

Shouldn't you be in class right now?

He knows my schedule? Uh? Who is this.

Mateo from two oh six Ethics and Journalism?

Ironic the class I'm currently missing. His name doesn't ring a bell though, to be I've hardly attended that class, so why would it. Santy himself could be the TA and I wouldn't have noticed. Uh, matteo right, Sorry, I have trouble learning everyone's names in these big lectures. Ha ha ha. This doesn't make any sense. If this guy really is Mateo from Ethics and Journalism, that means he's messaging me on metal from class right now. Even I don't do that.

Maybe if you were in class right now, you'd know more names?

Whoa he really is in my class? Also kind of an aggressive thing to say, right, Oh, winky face, it's fine.

Why don't you come over to my dorm tonight and I can fill you in on what you missed today.

I mean, as much as I want to figure out why this person is using a photo of Santy, his proposal doesn't not seem dangerous, But I mean with the bellboy trail cooling down. This Mateo guy is the clue. This thing I have to a new lead, and I wouldn't even have to leave campus. I'd just be going over to his dorm. What could go wrong? I'm just gonna see who the catfish really is then bounce easy? Hey, hey, not easy? Not easy. I don't understand. Mateo wasn't using

Mateo?

Is this real? He has the same bushy eyebrows, the same barely noticeable gap in his front teeth, the adorable little ears that stick out. It's a little further than normal. The eyes are wrong, though not wrong, just not Santy's. And they're lighter too. You know, like that TikTok filter that makes your eyes glow, but you don't use it because the whole thing feels a little rian.

You good? Hi?

Yeah? Sorry? You just you look a lot like someone I know.

I heard the scene Doppelgangers as an omen You're gonna die soon?

What really?

Nah? If anything, it just means that you think all brown folk look alike.

No, I come in sensory overload. The room's clean and tasteful, but not without its charm, which I guess you could say about Mateo too, his low neck tank and rolled up short shorts or lax hook up attire, and yet there's something magnetic about him?

Was he hot? H the person I remind you of? Actually, you know what? Scratch that I don't want to know. Whenever people say that, they end up showing you a photo of the person you allegedly resemble, and it always looks like one of the decomposing muppets from Labyrinth.

Yeah, is that not your type? Sandy grint? Matteo grins at me and I melt I've missed that smile.

Did you bring your book? My book, your text book two oh six Ethics and Journalism?

Yeah? That one negative I seem to have forgotten.

Oh, no, worries, we can share.

Okay, Hold up? What is this like? Why does Mateo think I'm here? I assumed the study date bit was just a pickup line, but it seems like Mateo actually intends to study, which can only mean one thing. Hits time for the hottest new game show sweeping the nation, study date or date dating. We've secured a panel of leading experts to help decipher whether Tonight's rendezvous is about coursework or coitus?

You want something to drake?

Sure? Yeah? Thanks? All right? Any early thoughts from our panel study date versus date date inconclusive.

Meeting on metal would normally signify sexual intent, but the fact that he expected you to bring your textbook raises questions.

Yes, yes, the one is a point in the date date column. Ah, but it's still too early to call got it? Thanks?

What shit?

Did I say that out loud?

Did you say what out loud?

Fuck? I just meant thanks for the wine, That's what I meant.

Oh. Sure, so you've been sick lately? What I just figured since you've been missing class a lot?

Oh? Yes, I'm terribly ill. I do hear consumption is making a comeback. Actually, so.

Jesus.

But I'm feeling a lot better now though.

Glad to hear it. I hope you're not still contagious.

As he says that, he flashes me this impish grin, And I don't exactly know what makes a grin impish, but this one was certifiable experts. The impish grins are an indisputable point, and the date date column agreed. That's just science. Now's your chance. Go for the cold my chance for what. I can't actually like do anything with him. It's too weird and yet well things santy again is all I think about. Fuck it, I choose date date, final answer.

Whoa, oh hey shit, Oh my god, I am so sad.

This whole situation. Panel of experts, please advise. Oh dear, it appears that if my cats wrong and my kitchen.

Is on fire, I have to run it. And I just remembered that I'm late for my court date.

What no, no, no, no, both of you come back right now. Goddamn sh uh matteo. I okay, I didn't realize this was like actually a study date. I mean I thought, because of the wine and the impish smile that you were trying to like, you know what, I am just gonna.

Go, Hey, slow down, speed racer, come back here. You're right, I didn't just invite you over to study. I mean, hello, we met on metal. Obviously I'm into you.

Oh okay, so then why aren't.

We Because I met you three minutes ago. You really cut to the chase.

Well, yeah, I mean, isn't that what a hookup is?

Sure? If you use cheap sex to fill the void of utter self, low of being devouring you from the inside out. But if you're a normal person, you can have a drink before unleashing your bstiary of STDs.

Okay, so in the spirit of impartiality, I should mention that's not verbatim what Matteo said, but that's how it felt. He was being way judgy. But if you must know, here's how it actually played out. Well, yeah, I mean, isn't that what a hookup is sometimes?

But it doesn't always have to be so clinical. You can have a drink first, get to know the other guy. It can be chill.

See the bastiari of STD's thing was obvious subtext.

So while yes, I want to be on top of you tearing your clothes off, I think we both deserve to know each other a little better.

First, I flinch at the part about him being on top of me. It's the implication he's number one. Sure, I've been on the bottom before at this point, just ask Big Top. But it's different with Matteo. He's a peer, my age, a part of my actual world, not just my sex world. It wouldn't just be one and done. He'd always have that over me.

So in the spirit of getting to know one another. Let's order food. How's tie sound cool?

I can place it shrimp fried rice for you? Right?

What?

Ah shit? Know those moments when you're talking with your missing lovers doppelganger and you forget it's not actually them and assume they like the same foods. I meant the shrimp fried rice appears to be discounted tonight. In case that's what you In case that's what you want. For someone who lies NonStop, I could really stand to be better at it.

I'm sure it's discounted for a reason. So that's a past for me.

Is that incense?

Yeah? Do you mind sandal? Would Japanese monks believe that incense had the power to cleanse body and mind, purifying us of uncleanliness?

And do you feel cleansed? Not? Really?

It relaxes me though. They say aromatherapy can cure all sorts of ailments, chronic pain, anxiety, depression.

Wonderful. I'll just tell doctor Wiley to cancel my prescriptions. I don't know. Seems like kind of a lot of transformative power for an inhalent.

Do you trust me?

Trust? Another word for submit. Trusting someone with your secrets is no different than handing them the bullets to use against you. I watched the next Seum doc. I know how collateral works, uh, I think, so.

Then tell me why you've really been missing class lately. Something's obviously up with you. I mean you checked to make sure you aren't being followed when I let you in.

He's not wrong. There was that tiny issue of the guy's talking me outside Big Tops apartment the other night, and well, it's possible I was overreacting and the guy wasn't actually chasing me. I just can't shake the image of that ugly, pink and mustard hoodie.

Come on, you can trust me.

There's that smile again. And maybe it's because he looks so much like Santi. Maybe it's the wine. Maybe it's just been really long since I've trusted someone. But in this moment, I think I do trust Matteo. Maybe not wholeheartedly, but enough to spill it, like all of it. I tell Matteo about Santy the night he went missing Big Top Bell Boy, and Matteo just listens. I can't tell you how good that feels. Although I do leave out the doppelganger's bit, no need to muddy those waters. And

Wow, that's a lot to take in. Okay, one second, you were right about it being complicated. This is all a bit more than I bargained for when I invited you over.

And it's too much baggage. And you're afraid my curse will rub off on you.

I get it. Will you stop doing that? Quit deciding how other people feel about you. Yes, this is a lot. You're a lot, but I like that. It's real. You're deep and layered, and and you piqued my interests. Not a lot of guys can do.

That instinctively and totally against my will. My eyes drift downwards and oh, yes, his interest is.

Peaud you're an enigma?

What like like the thing you used to clean out your butt?

Enigma? Not anema?

Oh okay, Uh yeah, I knew that. Okay, Dawn, keep validating me.

You're an enigma, Damian, and I want to explore your brain and your body.

He tastes different than Santy. Pretty quickly we're on his bed, sure it's coming off. His music plays softly, and the standal would smell sweet. The moment is warm and dim and playful, and I kind of never wanted to end, but I know what's coming. The four play timers running down, and the question is nigh top or bottom?

And then, like clockwork, I am have an enigma in the shower. If you want to.

Yeah, so about that? Oh good grief, Damien just say you don't want a bottom? Be direct? Is that really too much to ask of myself? See as it relates to the conundrum of say the intercourse? Apparently, yes, Okay, here's the thing. When I was in fifth grade, another kid named Damien moves to town, Damien Stafford, So you know I was Damien H and he was Damien S. Makes sense, it does, except that's not really how it

So the other Damien tried to fuck you from behind?

What? No, what were you even listening? I'm saying I don't want to be Damian Beta, But.

Why would you be Damian Beta? Wouldn't you both just be Damien's.

Oh my god, I tell you you're not paying attention. Damien s is gay, which is bad. Yes, because he's at the total top.

So he did try to fuck you from behind?

Where are you getting this? No, Damian Stafford never tried to fuck me from behind?

Then how do you know he's the top because of the top vibes?

Man? I?

Okay, Jesus wow. I think that's where the issue begins. You can't know if someone's a top or bottom based on whether or not he acts like Damien Alpha or Damien Beta. This analogy is confusing me.

Yeah, me too. But hey, can you turn on the light for a minute?

Are you okay?

Yeah? Just turn it on?

What are you doing?

Pink and Mustard Matteo? Why do you have the hoodie that my stalker was wearing? Why do you have the hoodie that my stalker was wearing? WHOA, it's you. You were the one following me last night.

What are you talking about this hoodie?

You were wearing it when you came after me.

I didn't come after don't touch me.

I jumped for the broken wine glass and hold it out as if that's going to protect me. I already gave him the bullets.

Whoa damien, You need to chill? Who's that.

Ow? Come man? Huh the hook man? You don't know that story about the couple making out in their van and then the boyfriend leaves to go get condoms or something I don't know. And then while he's gone, the girl here's a radio bulletin about a hook and.

It's serial killer has escaped the local sanitarium.

And then she hears a hook scratching against the rear door of the van, just like.

There are no hook people in Belmont Hall. Still, you should come away from.

The window well over there so you can garrot me. I'll take the hook.

Thanks.

I lower to the ground out of sight from the window. Yes, I'm on all fours, and no, I don't want to hear about it.

My god, dam you. Look look at the words on the back of the hoodie Crestwick Crustaceans. It's the bad mitten club jacket. Tons of kids have them.

It's true, Crestwick does have a weirdly large bad mitton presence.

There are almost two hundred kids in the Bad and Club. The odds that I was the one chasing you last night are literally half a percent. Think about it. Trust me?

Trust him? What a joke. I'm not wired that way. Why did I fight my nature tonight looking for reasons to trust this stranger? You know who? The last guy I trusted is.

Me?

Neither?

Just put down the flash, just to put.

Down the glass?

Where?

Like, what's your final piece of control?

That is top vibes? Top vibes isn't a thing?

It is too Top vibes is deciding to order tai food without consulting the other person and then going back and forth for like fifteen minutes, pretending nobody has a cuisine preference.

Damien, are you? Are you upset because you think I'm a top?

I'm upset because I think I'm a fun of person. Oh it's the delivery person and her shihuahua scratching at the door.

Are you, Damien?

Yeah?

Why didn't you open the door?

Why didn't you knock?

I did? You couldn't hear me over the yelling and breaking glass? I called a bunch.

Too, did you? Yikes? Sorry about that? I thought you were my stalker or like maybe a hook person.

I get that a lot. By the way, I think your friend was.

Just outside our friend.

Yeah, someone was looking in through your window before I got here. They were wearing that same ugly jacket you're holding, so I assumed you know them anyway, Please wait and tip?

Yeah, thank you.

So if your stalker's outside and I'm inside, what conclusions can we draw that top and bottom stuff? Damien, you know it doesn't mean anything, right well, other than what goes where.

That's easy for you to say you're a top.

Right there, That's what I'm talking about.

How can you know that because you asked me to use the enigma enema? God damn it.

So just because I proposed in this specific instance that I top, it doesn't mean that I'm a top, nor would it mean you're a bottom. And it's not so black and white. You might like one thing now and go into another down the line. That's the fun of all of this. Let's say, for example, I've never had a threesome before, but after meeting you and seeing the picture of that hop, oh boy, I might want to give it a try. What well, it sounds like the

Wait you you would do that after the way I acted tonight.

Well, given the fact that your stocker knows where I live, now, I've got a pretty compelling stake in this. Plus I like the challenge of solving a mystery. Now, relax, man.

He playfully pushes me onto my back and climbs on top of me.

Top.

And that's okay. It doesn't make me like number two, though in a perfect world, I'd love a little more time to process this all before submitting, before bottoming. But it's okay. I'm okay, I'm ready, way ready.

Hey, Hey, you're thinking right now, aren't you.

I mean, maybe a little. I'm just trying to wrap my head around all this. I know everything you said is le jet. It's just a lot to process that at once. This again, that's really what it comes down to write, not power or submission. But trust Yeah, yeah, I do trust you. And then something curious happens. Matteo pulls me upright and lowers to his back, securing me above him me on top.

Good. I trust you too. Hey, this is Santi. Text me to leave a message and I'll get you back.

Hey, it's me. I hope you're surviving and thriving. I met someone today that I think you'd like. You have a lot in common, and I have a new lead on your disappearance. The bell boy from the Ludlow Lodge. He keeps sending me these weird dms about something called the hookup. Not a smoking gun, I know, but there's just something about him that feels.

Off.

I'll keep you posted. Hey, do you remember that scary story you told me a while back about that hook handed maniac dude scratching at the girl's van? So I had an call it a relevant experience today that got me thinking about that, so I looked it up and it turns out there's a lot more to that story.

Thinking voicemail drewation limit reached.

Good GUYE Hey, I'm not finished. Hey, Siria call Santy. Written and directed by Noah Feinberg. That's Me. Sound design and score by Jeremiah Zimmerman, starring Noah Feinberg That's Me as Damian Ray Santiago as Santy, and Matteo Nico Greatham as Wade, Augustus Prue as Elias, Scott Evans as Big Tough, Jeffrey Self as bell Boy, Tina Majorino as Doctor Wiley, Obi A. Bailey as p M. Peter Gabrielle Ruiz as Joma,