All these things that I've dreamed about for 20 years, more than 20 years, suddenly it was like, I can do them. I'm free. I can do them. I was alive. It was almost like it was damn near like I was just born again. I mean, really. Welcome to Love's Everyday Radius, a podcast brought to you by the Hoffman Institute. I'm your host, Sharon Moore, and I hope that you enjoy today's conversation and that the stories shared by our graduates impact, move, and inspire you.
Please be aware that this episode references substance abuse. Please use your discretion. My guest today is Corey Britt, a man who has navigated addiction, faced his demons head on, and done the work to stay on the path of sobriety. He shattered his lifelong limiting belief statements and confronted his patterns all so that he can be his most authentic self and do what he's always wanted to do to be a present father, husband, friend, son, and brother, and to be a school teacher.
I hope you enjoy this inspiring episode. Corey, welcome to the show. Hi, Sharon. Thanks for having me. Well, Corey, let's let's start from the beginning of Hoffman being in your life. When did you take the process and what was going on in your life that brought you to the Hoffman Institute? I took the process, at the beginning of June this year, so in Petaluma, California. I was just honestly feeling a little lost, feeling like I needed a little bit more. I get I probably should preface with, my
background. So 36 years old now, but I spent most of my teenage years and my twenties and, I mean, almost damn near half my life as an alcoholic. Started when I was probably about 12 drinking with some buddies, you know, just having fun, or at least I thought I was having fun. And that progressed rapidly again through my teenage years in my twenties. Turned into a full blown alcoholism. I hit it from almost everybody my entire life. I, really lost just kinda drifting through life
when I was 32. So July 26, 2020 actually was my, breaking point, I guess you would call it, and I've been sober ever since that day. I did all this kind of on my own. I changed my lifestyle completely, really. My diet, my exercise routine, going back to school in my thirties, all this stuff happened kind of abruptly. But I knew I needed to change. Didn't wanna do it with medications or therapy sessions. Not that those things aren't all great. And, I mean, everybody kinda has their own thing,
you know? Do it your own way or do what's best for you. And I told myself throughout all those struggles that I survived in my life that I finally had this chance. And if I was gonna do it, I wanna do it my way. And I wanted to do it as holistically as possible, which I feel like I was doing a great job at. I just needed something more. And again, therapy was never never really my route. I just didn't see the benefit in it for myself.
One thing that was working for me very well was just, like, I mean, reading all the time or listening to podcasts. And actually, I love listening to Rich Roll. He's kind of a huge inspiration on me listening to probably 100 at this point, 100 of his episodes. I found relation in almost every single one of them, no matter who the guest was, whether it was a recovering addict themselves, scientists, psychologists, doctors,
an ultra marathon runner, whoever it was. I seem to find this connection some way or another. With that being said, I was listening to a, podcast one day on ritual. His guest was Ken Rideout. I had never heard of Ken before. Still don't know a lot about him, honestly. I'd love to meet the guy someday. He was an ultra marathon runner, like I kinda said. And I believe this is his second stint on Rich's show, and he was talking about a race he did. I believe it was in Morocco, maybe. I don't wanna
say for sure. But in the, midst of the podcast, he was talking about just kinda some of the struggles he had in his life, and there was some on-site workshops in Tennessee, I believe, that he mentioned he went to. And I just instantly I was like, wow. That sounds like me. That sounds like something great, you know. Just, you know, busy guy, 2 young kids, back in school, like, really just on this trajectory of life right now. And I don't have time for certain things, but
this just sounded great, you know? Go sit me down somewhere. Lock me away. Let's just hammer this out, you know? I did a little research into it, and the costs in Tennessee are pretty pricey. You know, it's outweighing, you know, can my family do this? Can we not? I mean, I knew my life was important because without me being of the power of my full self, like, that hurts everybody around me. So I was like, well, I gotta take this seriously. So I did some more research. I was like,
I just don't know if it's me. And I started talking to my wife about it and she's like, you know, if we need to, I mean, something we can consider. I was like, I just don't know. And she actually I'm not on a lot of social media platforms, but she reached out to Ken right out via Instagram without my knowledge. And I guess he replied back to her within an hour or 2. And he said, you know, there's this place called Hoffman that I have had friends that I've went to and
I've heard a lot about. It's fairly similar to these on-site workshops. Have him check it out and, you know, see what he thinks. And so I did. I immediately after she told me that I was, a, floored that she did it, and, b, just floored that he replied back so graciously and quickly. And most of all, just happy that he sent me Hoffman is kinda how I look at it now today. I did a little bit of research. I mean, the best you can do. Right? Google, check out your guys' website. I was like,
yes. I mean, this this is exactly what I want right now, and this is this is what I feel like I need right now. So I called up. I wanna say, actually, this is probably in January of this year, so 2024. Again, at this time, I almost I called just like my first melt down in my sobriety, a couple weeks before my first intake call.
A lot of things melted and built up, and I just kind of I went in my basement and I just cried one day, and I called my wife and I said, can you please come home from work and be with the kids? Like, I just I don't know, I just went on overload that day. And I think I've been trying to carry too much and deal with too much. I mean, that's been the story of my life for a lot of it. Anyways, I kinda had this breakdown moment and that's when I kinda knew I needed to do something.
So I was explaining all this in my intake phone call, and she's like, yeah. I mean, I think you can you would get a lot out of us. And I'm like, well, how soon can I come? You know? Tried to get in in spring last year, and it just wasn't working with timing in my schooling and stuff. And I said, you know what? I can do this for another 6 months. I've I booked a spot in June. And for those 6 months in between, I just kind of envisioned my life in that setting. Like, what was it gonna
be like? It kinda almost trained my mind as something new to think about and something like, there is help out there. There is help. Like, it's coming, and it kind of bought me some time. But it also it totally made me circle back and just go back to all the fundamental things that I installed in myself. You know, just sitting with yourself.
You know, just sitting with all that shit that I suffered through for years years years and just really trying to understand how I am the way I am, why I am the way I am, what I do with those things. So it was like before I even went to Hoffman, Hoffman, like, reset me. And those 6 months were still hard, but it was almost like the sense relief. Like, there's I've always been looking for something, and now it's on my horizons. I mean, that's that's kind of that story.
And then came June or the end of May, actually, and California, here I come. Well, let me let me pause at some timeline points that you that you named. Let's go back to the original breaking point. You said you were 32 years old. It was July 26, 2020. What happened and why was this different than the other 20 plus years of your life? What was the flavor and and why was it so different? The flavors are still undescribable. For all those years, I wanted to break free from that lifestyle.
I was never quite sure how. I mean, clearly, that was the addiction winning almost my entire life. But it was these endless moments of just not knowing better, not knowing what I would truly do on the other side. Like, I had all these aspirations and dreams, but I think I was kinda terrified of them because I always told myself, like, I couldn't chase these things down. I can't do it when I'm a drunk. I mean, partially, it's all I ever knew.
Right? I mean, I started when I was 12 and, you know, I mean, it wasn't heavy in my teens and stuff, but it was heavier than it should have been. And throughout all those years too, I was told, you know, you're you're such a great person. You've got a big heart and all this other stuff. And, I mean, I was part of my community. It wasn't like I was recluse. I wasn't hiding out. You know, I was pretty out in the open. I mean, I was a very high functioning alcoholic.
I would say it reinforced all my behaviors. You know? I mean, I'm getting along great with people. I'm fairly successful in my job. I'm doing things that I want. Mean, even though I felt like I was drifting, society kind of viewed me as, like, well, you're doing fine. You know? I had a boss tell me once, like, well, your 50% is better than most people's 90. And it's just like, well, shit. You know, if I'm doing this in this lifestyle,
like, you know, I can't quit. If I'm not, you know, drinking anymore or doing drugs anymore, like, am I gonna be as good of a person? And I think it just snowballed throughout the years, really. Looking back on it now, I mean, I can definitely say I was using alcohol as the solution, and it's not the problem. Like, I was treating alcohol like it was the problem. Like, that was my big issue with alcohol. But, really, I was just using alcohol as a solution. I never dealt
with those problems. People say, oh, you're treating the symptoms. You're not treating the problem. And that is that's most definitely what I did throughout most of my life. And I think I mean, to get down to the very beginning, I mean, like I said, I started drinking with my buddies from probably 12, 13 years old. And come to realize it coincided very much with my parents' divorce, which happened right around the same time. My parents were both very young when they had me. My
mom was 15. My dad was 17. Basically, we kinda grew up together. I never really had those true parental figures. They were always there in the sense of, you've got a roof over your head. You've got food. I mean, even though, you know, I was fighting tooth and nail for food and keeping the electricity on and stuff like that, but, like, we had it. And so I always grew up thinking, well, you know, I have the greatest parents in the world because they did this for me, which is true in
a sense. But, I mean, we all know, you know, we need more as children. And I didn't know all this at the time, but I had this empty pit. And when my mom left, my dad did his best taking care of me and my 3 younger sisters. But that led into, I mean, so many different avenues. We can go down here. It's just I think one of the big ones was my dad, like I said, treated me. We were like best friends. And it seems great on the surface, but I needed that dad. You know, I needed that
guidance. And instead, I got somebody to chill with and somebody to hang out with. And honestly, he didn't really have many people either, especially after this happened. He kinda shut himself off, and I was his sounding board. I heard everything and anything that I shouldn't have. And I think that made me resent my mother a little more. It put me in these very terrible situations, really. And again, at the time, I didn't know any of this. I mean, I thought this is just growing up.
I thought this is just the way it was. I thought this is just who I was. And I mean, it was in a sense. These things kinda carried on throughout the years. Our relationship stayed about the same as far as me and my father. My mom was in and out for most of my life then after 12. She did have a good stint for about, I don't know, it's 8 to 10 years when my youngest sister, so my half sister was born. She was around a little more, which gave everybody a little stability except especially
my younger sisters, you know. But then there was me. I was living this life that I thought was great, you know. Of course, it's great to be raised by all else. You can do whatever the hell you want whenever you want and all those other stuff. But I mean, you crash hard when that happens, and you crash hard when you don't have that system to rely on. And, I mean, I have a big family, like, as far as aunts and uncles. Very loving family. Like, my mom and dad
love the shit out of us kids. It's just not in the right ways or not how we needed it, I guess, if that makes sense. And so the I mean, this carried out through, again, my teens, and my drinking and partying got progressively worse with my buddies. I have 4 best friends, and we've been best friends since we were 5. Kindergarten together. Great school together. Middle school, high school. All throughout still to this day, actually. We still, hang out, which we'll probably get to here
in a little bit. So I'd say hit my mid twenties, and some of them went off to school. Actually, most of them did, but one. And I stayed back home because I didn't I didn't have any aspirations, you know, college. And that was never talked about in my house. It's kinda, you know, just get a job. How can you make money? How can you survive? So that led then in my early twenties to start hanging out with a little bit of different crowd.
That's when the drugs happened. You know, I dabbled in the cocaine, the ecstasy, the mushrooms, just different stuff like that. I was just always kind of trying to find a place, I think. It's the way I see it now. So I was just trying to find a place to fit in, and I always turned to those things because it's all I seemingly knew, which I guess makes sense too. The fact my mom's side was riddled with alcohol and drug problems. My dad's side, not so much, but they
definitely had some issues. But, yeah, as far as my mom's side, I mean, loved my mom's side. Grew up my grandparents, grew up with my uncle, but I mean, like everybody, everybody's got their shit and they had a lot of it. And I saw that as basically all that was or all that all that there is in this world to offer. So again, I think it just kinda became part of my identity. Not to belabor too much on these same things, but that carried, I mean, again, through
my twenties. And it was just endless different spots of like, you look back now and you're like, well, do you have any regrets or whatever? It's like the whole, yeah, I live my life and it's why I am where I am today. Like, I do get that and I did believe in that, but it's also like, yeah. I was having a ton of fun, but really to what extent? Like, you know, yeah, I had a great 2 hours, but then, like, I blacked out for 12 or 14 and woke up the next day and just
drifted through the day. And, oh, I thought I was living and loving life, but, yeah, I mean, far far far from it. I was coaching basketball so much I love to do working with kids. And at this point, when I say football and alcoholic, like, there I mean, it wasn't every day I was going pounding the bottles. There's definitely many days like that. There are some days where it's just a beer or 2, you know, at 9 o'clock at night just to get me through and things like that.
So that's where, like, the managing this lifestyle that I thought I wanted came into play. And I'm like, well, I gotta do something more with myself. So I got this new job at this manufacturing plant because the girlfriend I had at the time had family working there. And, like, oh, this would be great, you know. I'll get a job, make some more money. I can do my business on the side. I had started my own painting and remodeling business. And I was like, this
is life. Right? Make a ton of money and just fuck around all day. Well, again, it was great while it lasted, but I ended up hating my job. It was just I mean, I tried working on the floor, like the factory part of it, the manufacturing part of it. I tried dabbling in the management part of it. I tried just all this stuff and it just wasn't fulfilled. And at this point, I should mention I met my wife. I had that I held that job for about 6 years, I believe, and I met my wife 4 years into that.
It was again okay. Now I found somebody that I care deeply about, you know, could see myself with long term. So do I make any changes? And I was still kinda like, you know? I mean, I had girlfriends and whatnot, but this is the first time, like, you know, this might be a good idea, you know, to choose a different route. I was like, but she's a big girl, so, you know, she can fend for herself. Like, you know, I can still do my own thing and whatever else. But I went about a year, I think.
Getting up at 5 AM, hungover as shit, going to work, just hating the day and doing everything I could to come home and forget it. And I mean, I hid hid drinking from her. Again, I hid it from my sisters, my friends. I mean, again, nobody nobody really knew. People knew I drank a lot, but I don't nobody had any idea that it was just this massive problem, like, massive closet drinker, massive
just destroying myself every night. Like, if I needed to hide it, I'd wait till 9 o'clock when she went to bed, and I would go pound, you know, half liter of vodka just to piss the day away and get up at 5 in the morning and go through the steps. And, again, I'd struggled with these kind of things throughout, but it was really just building up and I could sense it. You know, I'm just like, how much longer can I do this? And July 2019 came, and our our son was born.
And that that hit me like a train. Like, you know, I've had this conversation with people before and they're like, well, if you were so bad, like, how did you care? And I was like, you know, I don't I don't I think it was just this feeling, like, of always wanting to move on with my life, always wanting to escape these, you know, clutches and grips of this just devilish stuff. And you never wanna put it on a child, but I mean, when he came, my life was just like, woah. Now it's
not just me. You know, my wife was a big girl. Like, this little human, like, this is a whole different world. I struggled for a good 6 to 9 months after he was born. It was a new game of chess then. You know? Not only was it how do I function every day, how do I make everybody else happy, how do I do all these things yet still get my fix somewhere? And now you have to add in, okay, now I have to take care of this little human on top of it and then,
like, you know, I get my fix. But what if he's waking up in the middle of the night? Or what if my wife needs help? Or, like, what if the worst case scenario, like, they both need help in the middle of the night? Now I have to drive. Like, it was just all these things that just came rushing. And I think that was I call it momentum now. I think that was the momentum that was building up inside of me.
So it's July through the summer and fall of 2019, and then that thing that they call COVID happened. And I say it like that, and I say it jokingly, and I don't mean it because I know a lot of people have went through just terrible, terrible times in COVID. It was a travesty in many different ways. But I can't lie about it and sit here and say COVID wasn't the greatest thing that ever happened to me because it, hands down, was.
My job, they laid us all off for a while just at the beginning because, I mean, nobody knew what the hell is going on. Right? And they're like, well, we can't have people around each other. We can't do this. Businesses are here shutting down, so it's affecting our supply line. It's just all this whatever. So they closed us down for a little while. So here I was. I'm like, okay. Well, great. I got some time off. We've had wanted to do some remodeling to our house.
And I was always doing little projects, but we wanted to redo the bathroom. And I'm like, well, I got some time now. And I told my wife. I was like, what do you think? You know, I can redo the bathroom, you know? She's like, oh, yeah. Sure. So her and Lincoln and my son, Lincoln, they went and stayed at her parents who live about 15 minutes from us. They have a farm outside of outside in the glares where we live. And so they went and stayed there for the
week, basically, is what I was saying. I was gonna tear up the bath, work all hours, and I make a big mess. And I think we got about 3, 4 days in, and I hadn't done a damn thing. Like, I I mean, I thought I was doing stuff, but, like, I was just drinking all day. All night, I was like, man, I got free rein here. You know, I'll get stuff done. And, again, like I said, it was about day 3 or 4. I kinda, like, looked down the hallway, and I'm like, what the fuck?
And I was just like, you know, this is you know, sums up. And I kinda called my wife, and I honestly don't remember exactly what I said, but something along the lines of, like, you know, something's wrong. You know, I'm not getting anything done. I think we should talk. So that was the first time I ever flat out told anybody what was really going on with me and how I was functioning or what not functioning and just what was going on. And she was shell shocked. I mean, she
floored. She had no idea. I mean, she handled it like a champ. I said, just I don't know. She was so graceful and it all. But that was my beginning of the coming up party, I guess, you could say. So she came after work one day, and she's she's like, yeah. You know, I was kinda wondering, and my mom was wondering because, again, my son was 10, 15 minutes
away. So if I'm just working, you know, during the day or whatever, I would've went out to the farm for dinner and, like, seen my son, like, all this stuff, and I was nothing. I would shut myself off pretending like I was fixing this bathroom. That's all I could do. That was the first time, like, red flags were going off. Like, my sister sister stopped by to pick something up, and I just put it out in the driveway for for her and her husband to pick up, which is something I would
never have done. Like and I didn't notice any of this at the time, but looking back on it now, I'm like, woah. It was that bad. So are you saying that that week was uncharacteristically more intense of you kind of drinking and being disconnected? Like, it was this culminating point. Yes. It was what I was doing on most days for a very short period of time. Some nights, I'd bury myself at 9
and drink for an hour. I mean, yeah, I'd binge drink, but, like, it was only for an hour or 2. I mean, there's definitely days where I just cut off, you know, 2, 3 in the afternoon, like, see you later. But this was like I feel like I woke up and I was living, eating, drinking, breathing alcohol. I mean, I'd had those days. I'd had benders in my life but this was just different. This was just like whoosh, like everything coming head on. So it was kinda like the standstill then. Okay. Well,
what do we do, you know? Like, what do I do? My wife, I don't think really knew. And then I instantly the addiction was still winning and it wasn't like I truly broke free. I wasn't ready to be done yet. I was letting people know, but I definitely wasn't done yet. From March on, I kind of pretended. You know, I can just socially drink when we're out to out at the farm or out with friends. You know, I can have a couple drinks and be fine. Yeah. I have this problem and that was a really
big problem, but I can fix it. And these are stuff I told myself for years, but, you know, this is now out loud to people, out loud to my wife, out loud to everybody. They all thought, okay. Well, you know, we're we're shocked that this is even going on or this is real life. So if he says he's got it under control, then he must have it under control. Right? He didn't. It spiraled. It continued spiraling for, a couple months.
Then came my son's first birthday, and I left that night just thinking, like, he's 1 now. Time's gonna just keep going, you know. It's it's not stopping for me. I have to fix this. Lo and behold, a couple of days later, I've had I've had back problems most of my life. And my back was acting up my disc, and I just couldn't really move. And my mind is, you know, just tough and I'll get through it because I've been through it with my wife. Like, no way. You
know, I'm taking into the doctors. I'm like, I know what they're gonna do and whatever. She's like, well, so let's go. And I'm like, well, they're gonna hot me up on painkillers and they're gonna tell me to do physical therapy and they're gonna say, are you doing your stretches? Are you doing this? Which I, you know, I wasn't doing any of that. And it's a part of me that had dabbled in painkillers for multiple years in my early twenties. Like, I knew better especially
the amount of alcohol I was drinking. I was like, just bad recipe, bad recipe. I was like, well, I guess I'll bring it for a few days because my wife's gonna make me go to the doctor and, you know, so here come the painkillers, which was fine because I was just gonna get another high in a different way. So I was like, okay. Great. So I remember going to the urgent care and just laying on their floor in the basement.
Probably looked absolutely ridiculous. But, I mean, I was withdrawing and I mean, my back was in extreme pain, so it's just a culmination of all this stuff. I didn't put it all together at the time, but so I started taking these painkillers. And I went home that night and I mean, I was shaking visibly, like, vomiting and just just wrong, just just not good. And then the guy went through small withdrawal symptoms here and there, but this was like full bore just body shutting
down. And again, it was another, like, I feel bad because my wife thinks she just had no idea. You know, she I kept telling her, I'll just get through it. And I know she wanted help but she had no idea how. And put my son to bed that night and I went in our spare bedroom and I just I mean, I was shaking and screaming and just not good that night. And she kinda came in to control me a little bit and like, you know, is there anything I can do? And I just kinda
said, No. And I laid there and contemplated, you know, like, Okay. How are you gonna get this through this one? What the fuck are you gonna do this time, Corey? How are you gonna pull this off? You know, you've done this thousands of times, but how are you gonna do this one? Because this just felt different. And a couple hours went by and, man, this is vivid, like reliving this. I don't do this often.
So I went back into our bedroom and I laid on the bed, and I kept dozing in and out and closing my eyes and just still sweating and shaking. And I just remember closing my eyes once. I honestly felt like I was never gonna wake up again. I never had that feeling before. I kept opening my eyes. They told myself, don't keep them closed. Like, I was terrified. Like, to this day, that's the only thing I when I think of death, like, that's what I think is that's how it's
gonna feel. Our bed was right next to the air conditioner, the the venting unit for the air and the heat. So you mean your air conditioning in the middle of July, Wisconsin at least. So you're it's kicking on probably every, you know, 15, 20 minutes, whatever it is. And I just remember trying to fight to keep my eyes open. And, of course, I couldn't. Every time the air would kick on, I would wake up. And it was almost like it jump started my heart. Like, I would give this gasp.
And I just it was so intense. I just remember this. And I was, like, alive again. And I was like, oh, shit. Like, this then now is the feeling. Like, don't close your eyes. And then, of course, it was probably, you know, 15, 20 minutes. You know, every time that air kicked in, I was like, wow. Like, I mean, still to this day, I like I look at my air conditioner and it's like this odd relationship we have. Like, you saved my life. If it wouldn't have kicked in, would I
have woke up? I don't know. It's just it's wild. But so this went on, I mean, into the early morning then on 26th. I I wanna say 1 or 2 AM. I can't say for sure, but I finally just I asked myself again, like, what the hell are you gonna do? What are you gonna do? Like, you can't escape this one, you know. And I yelled to my wife. I said, just do it. And she's like, what? Do what? What are you talking about? I said, just call the fucking ambulance. Just call them and bring them here. And
so she did. I mean, I wasn't thinking about at the time. But on the ride and even in the hospital, the first thing I'm worrying about, my god, we live in a small town, 2,000 people. Like, I know the empty like, this is just there's no getting out of this one. But that is exactly, I think, what my head needed. Like, I needed that. And in that moment, I knew I was done. Like, when I yelled to her, call the ambulance, like, I was 100%
done. Never in my life before that in 32 years at the time, like, was I ever just, like, done? I was like, yeah. I wanna be done. Yeah. It could be done. Well, I'm done for the day or I'm done for a week, but, you know, I'm fine. This was like, nope. 100%. Fuck it. I'm done. They took me to the hospital and took me, I mean, in the emergency room, did a whole bunch of tests. I told them as much as I could. And reading the reports, I I was pretty accurate. You know,
I told them. I was like, yeah. I drink all this and yeah. Yeah. It's been years years years. And apparently, I mean, I don't remember, but the condition I mean, they put me right in the ICU. They thought the worst was yet to come. So they started me on all these different meds and IVs. And so that went through that night. Throughout the next day, I mean, different doctors,
different counselors. I mean, the county health services were in there just counseling, just, you know, asking me questions and kinda, you know, trying to, you know, see what I was about and what I, you know, know, what I was there for, what my story was, what I was gonna do next. And I just looked down on those. I didn't give him the time of day. And I say that, like, I don't feel like I was disrespectful, but I just I was like, nah. No. Sorry. And I did that because, I mean, I was
so stubborn. Still, I'm stubborn, but when I was drinking I mean, as stubborn as you could be. And I was like, no. You know, I got this. And I just kinda had that mentality. And they all looked at me like, okay. You know, we'll try again later. And so that kinda happened for the next few hours again. And then I had this nurse. She was my nurse overnight, both nights. I vividly remember my first night there. I call it night there even though I showed up in the middle of morning
or night. But and she came back on the following day, and I had her through the night. She was just this great person, a real human being. She wasn't like the counselors and the doctors and the whatever whatever. She was just like straight up, sit down, tell you some stories. I wanna hear your stories. And I'm like, yes. You are my kind of people. Like, I was laying in this hospital bed in the darkest moment of my life all along. So, of course, I was searching for something, like, she was just
this perfect fit. And I've actually I've reached out to her, like, I think a year or 2 ago, I reached out to her and just told her. She's like, I'm so happy to hear that. You know, I was trying to keep tabs on you and it's just like, it's just this mutual, like, bonding moment. It was just awesome. So I had her, and we, like, continue these conversations. She just told me told me stories about her brother and his struggles and all this other
stuff. And so we got into the next morning, and I'm like, I saw us there maybe not even 36 hours. And I was like, I need to walk. What's gonna get me out of here? And she's like, get you out of here. And I said, yeah. Get me out of here. She's like, oh, no. It's a long process. You know, doctors I didn't know any better. I was not even. I'm like, I'm better now. You guys give me some meds. Give me out here. And she's like, no. No. No. No. But
she let me try and walk. You know, I grabbed my IV thing and I was walking around in circles. I mean, it looks like a baby giraffe, I think, just stumbling around. But I'm like, you know, I'm doing it. She's like, yeah, you are. I mean, 12 hours ago, we couldn't even roll you in a bed. And I'm just like, what? So the doctor came in a short bit later and I'm like, I gotta leave tomorrow morning first thing. And she's like, I'm sorry. You know, we can't do that. You know,
there's so much to happen yet. You know, we have serious medications we wanna give you. Like, the worst is still coming, like, your seizures and all sort of stuff. You know, we gotta be on the lookout for all of this stuff. And I'm like, no. You know, I just kept telling her I got this. I got this. I got this. And she's like, let's rest on it. So I slept and woke up the next morning. I had my bags packed. And they all came in just looking at me like I'm crazy. And I said, no. I gotta go. I just
I need and she sat down. And again, she was doing her job and I I hated her. I hated this doctor in the moment. But I look back on it and and she was definitely just doing her job. I mean, she's looking out for me. She was doing what a doctor should and I was just not giving her the time of day. But on the same token, she gave me that chip. That was just one of those chips I needed on my shoulder when she told me, well, what's your plan for when you come back here? And I said, excuse me?
She's just like, what's your plan for when you come back here? And I'm like, well, I'm not coming back. And she's probably like she's laughing like, okay. You fucking idiot. I've heard that a 1000 times. And I'm just like, no. I'm not I'm not coming back. You know? I'm not coming back. And so we had those conversations, multiple conversations. And she's like, well, you need to get picked up. And I said, it's
okay. My wife can be here. And we have to decide to sign a whole bunch of paperwork, you know, basically just for them to let me free. And they did. I left the ass. I think, again, I think it was a grand total, maybe 36 hours I was there, which is nowhere near enough. I mean, it was enough because here I am today, but I mean, I should've finished whatever process they had for me. But point of the story is, like, I left that hospital that day. In my
mind, like, I was done. Like, I got the help I needed because, I mean, I needed the fluids. I needed some of that medication. There's no doubt about it. I probably did need more, but it would've made my following week probably easier. But the big part was I left that day just knowing I'm done. I'm done. This was my I escaped that life. Like, I finally, like, just felt like I escaped that life. And leaving that hospital that day, like,
that was my moment. And honestly, may I say I never looked back, but, I mean, I look back and reminisce. But in a larger sense, like, I've never looked back since that day. Wow. And, you know, you're you're you're still living life with challenges and kids and school and stress. What do you think keeps you on that path? How do you overcome the demon that is addiction? Yeah. And this is this is that question. And it's like I have had so many people reach out
to me and ask me this. I wished there was like a sentence or 2 I could say, like, these magical words that could solve everybody's problem, but it's just it's not there. And actually, in the last couple weeks, I read this book and they just talk about these I wouldn't say phenomena, but these things, these innate things in life that just they just happen. And there doesn't necessarily
have to be a reason. And that can depend on the kind of person you are and different things you believe or how you wanna look at stuff and I understand that. But, like, to me and this is just couple weeks ago. That to me was like, wow, you know, I don't need a reason or there may not be a reason for this. I say that because, like, all along, I've tried to come up with that reason and I think it's just there are so many things that have went into this. Everyday was a struggle.
Everyday is still a struggle in a sense. Like, it's definitely it's not all like fucking rainbows and unicorns. Like, there are hard hard days. It's that sitting with yourself, that believing in yourself, that figuring yourself out. That journey really inspired me from the beginning. And it's also the fact of I had a young marriage. I mean, I'm in my thirties, but I had a young marriage. I had a young child. I have 2 now, but at the time, I only had one child.
So, like, I had his life ahead of me. Me being a parent, I had all these aspirations that I talked before. I've always wanted to teach, you know. I've always wanted to coach. I've always wanted to run marathons. I've always wanted to do ultra marathons. I've always I've never in my life had a real, like, exercise workout routine, like, all these things that I've dreamed about for 20 years, more than 20 years. Like, suddenly, it was like, I can do them, you know. I'm free. I can do them.
I was alive. It was almost like it was damn near like I was just born again. I mean, really, I had this, like, permission to chase all this down. And honestly, like, those things are what catapulted this, I guess, you could say. I definitely bit off more than I like, most people would say, don't bite off horn. You could chew. Like, I did it all. Like, I spent the 1st couple of months just simply navigating life sober. Like, I mean, I had
no idea. Still to this day, I'm still figuring out what it's like to navigate life sober, you know, four and a half years in because it's a whole new world, a whole new world. So I mean, doing that for a couple of months and then, like I kinda mentioned at the beginning, like, I wanted that workout routine. So my sister-in-law talked me into this local gym and I started doing these boot camps every day or every other day,
and I just felt great. And went to this plant based eating lifestyle, like, it was just this accumulation of all this stuff. And it's like, well, I can go back to school now and I could chase those dreams. So spent my days as a stay at home dad just loving my kid and, like, enjoying that freedom and, like, growing. And then at night, I could just escape.
And instead of that dark dungeon like escape, I was burying my head in books and just, like, research and all this other stuff, and it was just all these amazing things that, like, I'd always wanted. Those are the kind of things that built me up. And then I remember telling myself I wanna say it was before my first day of class actually. And this is before Hoffman. This is before I even really knew what a pattern or behavior was.
I told myself that I'd seen these unhealthy patterns, these unhealthy behaviors, like, I had seen all these unhealthy shit my entire life. And I told myself that stops with me. It is not going on to my son or my future children or anybody else. And, like, I have held true to those words ever since that day. I was like, this stuff stops with me. And it sounds it sounds simplistic sometimes but, like, just repeating those words to you, like, it can give you a jolt in the darkest
moments on the darkest days. And then all you need sometimes is just that smallest catalyst and that opens, like, all those different neural pathways. Like, oh, yeah. Like, let's go here. Let's go there. Let's go here. Let's go here. You know, like, we don't have to go backwards. We don't have to go down into that dark hole, you know. And even when we're in that dark hole, sometimes we do just need to sit in it. But while we're sitting in it, understanding again why we're there. Why are we here?
How did we get here? Why are we here? And what are we gonna do to get out of it? And I've just continued to get better at that amongst many other things. And, honestly, I think it's giant bowl of fruit. I don't know how else to say it. It's just this giant bowl of fruit that I keep plucking from. So it's not just like one magical sentence or, you know, a couple magical words. Like, it's just this plethora of fruit. Well, let me ask you this. Yeah. We're gonna go with this metaphor. Let
let me ask you this. In that bowl of fruit, how has the fruit of the Hoffman process continued to further you on this path? I ask this a little bit as a as a closer, just because I I know the interview has to come to an end soon, but I'd be curious to hear how you know, you've told the story. You have done so much of this on your own with very little help and stayed
the path even in the darkest moments. I I love how you paint that it's not all rosy and it's not that I don't feel the darkness, but when I feel the darkness, I have this bowl of fruit. I have options that I get to choose from on how I'm going to navigate this and how I'm going to get to the other side. And you mentioned, you know, after it sounds like about a couple years of sobriety, you wanted a little more and you went
to the Hoffman process. So I'm curious how that helps you in day to day life today. Mildly speechless, just because sometimes I mean, words are hard like with Hoffman. It's just it's hard. Hard in the best way possible, if that makes sense. For starters, being able to feel good,
just being able to truly feel good. And on on the flip side, being able to truly feel bad and just feel like shit, like, those dark times that I described, half the reason I could never get out of them is because I don't think I was truly even feeling them. Like, I was so just monotone. And Hoffman has given me this release to truly, like, live the highs and live the lows. You know, you hear people say it, like, you don't enjoy the good without the bad, and that's so fucking true.
Hoffman, for sure, has given me I keep calling it permission, but it's like it did like, I gave myself permission after Hoffman just to feel, and it's amazing. It's so amazing. A big thing I struggled with was imposter syndrome. So now, here I am navigating this world sober and doing all these great things, you know, rebooting my life, like, on this great path, you know. My professors at school and, like, the schools I work in and my family and just everything is just great.
But I always felt like it wasn't me, like, what am I doing here? This is a joke. I don't deserve this. This should be somebody I don't belong here. Like, that imposter syndrome. I don't have that anymore. And again, I wish I had those few magical words to sum it up. I mean, those that are listening that have been Hoffman can relate a
lot more. But even though it's haven't, it's just like it's this just this amazing feeling of knowing who I am, understanding who I am, and being so authentically proud of that person and just living that person. I understand that is me. I am him. I can do this. Like, just having that feeling, that aura around me, that light that light, that was my vow at Hoffman. I will authentically just spread my light with love. And, I mean, Hoffman, I I, like, left there in this magic
flow state. I put it, like, you get out of Hoffman. You get out of it what you put into it. And, like, I got exactly what I needed out of it and what I set out for. Another great moment that we were in one of the classroom sessions, and Ed was speaking. And we were we had our eyes closed, and we're just doing work. And he just stops. He pauses. He says, now does everybody hear that? And I remember looking around inside my head because my eyes
were closed. But I'm like, hear what? And but that was the point. And he said, nothing. Nothing. You hear nothing. Even in the moment, I was like, oh, wow. Yeah. Wow. Like, I do hear nothing. That was, like, overlooked at the time because I started to think days after I left, weeks after I left, I didn't even realize it at first. Holy shit. I don't have voices in my head all the time. That was half the reason I feel like I drank and tried to escape the world
because my brain never shut off. I was always dealing with somebody else's problem or my own problem or living in the past or trying to solve something that couldn't be solved. Just all these, like, conversations and banter and arguments just back and forth in my head. It was all in my head. And that and I as I sit here and talk to you tonight, like, those aren't there. It was scary as hell. My life was built around chaos. That's how I knew to survive was chaos. So it was scary to
not have those voices. It was almost like a comma, like a little blankie for a little kid. They were my thing. You know? If nothing else, I could go to the voices and, like, solve a problem that didn't need to be solved. Actually, owning and realizing and understanding, like, all that space I have in my head now and all that free time in my head, all the amazing shit that I can do with it, that is the Hoffman pouring out of me every day. That's how I look
at it. I love what you said about it's almost like the chaos that was your coping. That was it wasn't just all you knew. It was what you thought was how you survive. That quiet is such a gift, but in the beginning, it was overwhelming and scary. I think that's really important for us to hear whether we've done the process or not to know that the other side is not all unicorns and rainbows, and it's scary. But, man, you know, to your point, you suddenly can feel.
You can feel good and bad, but you can feel. 100%. Actually, I wrote down a quote to that feeling. It said, when there is no enemy within, the enemy outside cannot do any harm. That's another thing that just stuck with me. This constant battle with yourself and all this stuff in the past and all this just just nonsense. When we as humans, we can look inside, and we're not gonna be a 100% satisfied with everything.
But when we cannot fight with ourselves, when we cannot agonize over stuff, nobody nobody can hurt you. I feel like when you're good with you, nobody can truly hurt you. Oh, I love that. Can you say the quote again? When there's no enemy within, the enemy outside cannot do any harm. And that is why we do what we do. Beautiful place to pause. And I say pause because I feel like there is so much more, and I'd love to hear more. But for right now, we do need to pause for the sake of the interview.
But thank you, Corey, for for sharing so much of your truth of your story, of your humility of your journey, and showing us how the layers continue to unfold. There was that one pivotal moment in July of 2020, but then there was another moment. I think you called it your first kind of breakdown, first meltdown in sobriety.
And then there was Hoffman coming into your world, and then there's still unknown layers that are going to happen, but there is no question that you are going to be able to look it in the eye and get to the other side. Absolutely. And that is beautiful. As my great teacher said, suck the bone
marrow out of life. Even in the biggest realms of life, we can travel, we can do all these extraordinary things, but just sucking the bone marrow out of the simplest things, simplest things in life, I think that's it's something awesome to hold on to. Beautiful. Well, thank you, Corey, so much. That was, so touching and inspirational. And thank you for sharing with the the two quotes towards the end and for your presence. Thank you for having me. This is this is great.
Thank you for listening to our podcast. My name is Liza Ingrassy. I'm the CEO and president of Hoffman Institute Foundation. And I'm Razi Ingrassi, Hoffman teacher and founder of the Hoffman Institute Foundation. Our mission is to provide people greater access to the wisdom and power of love. In themselves, in each other, and in the world. To find out more, please go to hompaninstitute.org.