Kurt Alexander, AKA big boy is the guest today I'm just so grateful for people that come on grads, who come on and tell their story, share their childhood, and their present day life, talk about their process and life after the process. What a gift this conversation is, and Kurt radio So you'll hear his beautiful radio voice and all the great radio verbiage he brings to this conversation rarely do. I talk people who are in the same field, the podcasting radio world.
So enjoy this episode with Kurt Alexander. To Welcome to Loves everyday radius. Podcast brought to you about the Hoffman Institute. My name is Drew Horn. And on this podcast, we catch up with graduates of the process. And have a conversation with them about how their work in the process is informing their life outside of the process. How their spirit and how their love are living in the world around them, their everyday radius.
Everybody. Welcome to the Hoffman podcast, Kurt Alexander AKA big boy is with us welcome Big boy. Thank you for the welcome, Drew. How are you doing, man? I'm doing great. How are you? You know, I'm good. I'm good, man. Good day. You know how I'm in a good place, so I'm good. You're ready for this conversation. Yeah. You know what? I wouldn't be here if I if I wasn't ready. Now if if, you know, we were planning to try to do this before. And, you know, and I told you then, I
say, man, You know what? I don't think I'm ready for that. And here we are today. Yeah. So this is your field. You're the guy usually asking the questions host of big boys neighborhood. You have a star on the Hollywood walk of fame. You've been in movies and Tv shows. Your big boys neighborhood is nationally syndicated across the nation. And you've been in this business for
almost 3 decades. Is that right? Yeah. Not coming up on year 29 in, like, think May, may July May and July is my first actual contract that I got for radio. Supposed to have been 1 night and I stretched it. Well, you mean your first contract was for 1 night. It wasn't even a contract. It was just more of a... Would you like to try a radio, and they were like we, you know, come in, try it for 1 night, and we'll pay you 35 dollars an hour for 4 hours, and I'm thinking okay.
Well, I'll go in and make, you know, this 35 dollars for 4 hours and that was gonna be my radio career. And, you know, it... I traced it into almost 30 years now. I imagine you have had some great conversations. A lot of your stuff is up on Youtube and now you you film and video most of it, but what's it like to be the guy asking the questions bringing in great guests to converse with? You know, it... It's good because when I do an interview, it's not just you know, the new album,
and who produced it, the new movie? How was it working with such and such? And we get into real conversations. You know, I have fun, and we have... You know, it's light, but we get into real conversations as well. And what I've... I find myself, I find myself doing a lot is having conversations where not only am I talking to that person, but I'm talking to or talking to me. You know what I'm saying? Like, like, I I can never give someone some kind of advice or speak with anyone
without saying, well, you know what? You need to subscribe to that. You know, you need... So when I'm having these conversations, it's it's about them but we get this 1 either a common ground common chord we're just kinda just speaking with each other. And I think that makes the the best dialogue. It's not about product. You know, it's about the person. Beautiful. You. So so you're in there as
well learning, growing, using yourself. Oh, yeah. So, you know, in your interim, we didn't even talk about your auto geography, what's the name of it, big boys? Yeah. It's called a big boy and l life, staying big at half the size. Big boy, an xl life staying big. At half the size, which has sold lots of copies and is very popular, lots of reviews, good stuff, And so let's go there. There's... I'm so excited for this conversation. Take us to your childhood, and the emergence
of big boy. What was it like for you growing up? Can you share a little bit of context of your early life as a as a little guy. Oh, definitely. I'm 1 of 7. I'm the 6 born I have a baby sister about the name of Nicole. But, yeah, It was... You know, my mom I had a beautiful person and single parent. And when I say single parent, I mean,
totally single. You know, there wasn't a time that I could remember, like, oh, you know, my dad or my dad was there a a voice of a image or smell So just growing up, it was always us. I don't have, like, cousins have 1 uncle, but it wasn't, like, I or we weren't close to him. So when we say to Alexander family the Alexander unit. That was just us. It was us 8.
You know, it was my mom and and 7 kids in, you know, of course, with of of single parent, only 1 that's kinda bringing in money into the household, you did have a lot of, you know,
there wasn't a thing called extra money. It was like, you know, you just kinda live paycheck to paycheck, and it it wasn't a lot of extras, even though at the time, I didn't know how so called broke we were or how, you know, with our financial grounding and standings were because What we didn't have in money, I always felt that we were so a affluent, so rich in love. You know, with the hugs in I love use and my mom was very emotional. So growing up, we did have a household full of love of love.
It was just a materialistic things. They weren't there, we went through some bout of homelessness. But as far as growing up, you know, it wasn't what you have now. You know, everybody didn't have a thousand streams and 500 satellite channels and, you know, multiple... Things that could take you away. We entertained ourselves. You know, I will put on talent shows in the house. I was always the kid, that was that was talented. I knew that
I wanted to do something. I always told my mom that I was gonna be famous. You know? And I said that from early as it's kindergarten 5 years of age. I knew it. And so you became a bit of the entertainer given there wasn't that kind of rampant social media and channels to choose from... It was it was the big boy channel. Yeah. It was like, you know, it it was
me. It was me. The entertainer. It was me singing and dancing and telling jokes and, you know, and I think that was like a lot of my tuition into the school of experience for what I do now. And are there were there moments that that stand out for you that were particularly painful around poverty? You know when you're going through it, not as much. You know, because you see your peers are pretty much doing the same thing, and and I didn't see a lot of things that kind of.
Drew me into a different direction where it was like, oh, was such and such has this, and I don't. It... You know, of course, it was times when if you wanted a certain kind of shoe, you didn't get that kind of shoe. You didn't you went to Jc, and you got, you know, winners instead of converse. You know what I'm saying? And a lot of meals are at home. It it wasn't like, when you look back at it now, in your rearview view mirror, you do kinda see a lot of things that you grew up without.
But at the moment, it wasn't times I was like, I can't believe that, you know, we're broke I can't believe this. You know, it was just the... As as a kid that's just how I you rode with it? And so how did the name big boy emerge? And share a little bit about, I guess you shared on the role of being the entertainer, but when did that nickname first come to you? Well, big boy came about.
When I was about 15 years of age, there was a gentleman by the name of Argue Johnson rest in peace and Argue Johnson was in a... A group called side effect. And, Au would always tell me Drew, he would say, man, man, you know Bro, gonna be a star. You're gonna be a star. You're gonna be a star, and I didn't have a dad that said, you're gonna be a star. And I never looked at all as of father figure because I didn't put people in that
position. But once I went to Hoffman, and once I started doing the work I was like damn. Yeah. All was like a dad to me. He was a father figure to me. He believed me. My mom believed him me as well, but I never had... Someone outside of my household. That believed so much friends, buddies, everybody with, like, all, Kurt you're gonna do alright, Kirk Kirk. You're gonna be fine. But this was a guy that took an interest in me. And he would always tell me, like, hey, man.
You're gonna be a star. You're gonna be a star. So at that time, I had a different rap name, a different Dj name because I would... I did, like, mobile disc jo, you know, the 2 turntable the mixer and things of that nature. And so I got this project through, Au Johnson. And I'm not sure if you're familiar with a radio personality as well by the name of Rick These. Au worked with Rick d's. So we got this project that we were doing with Rick Deeds, but Argue would always
tell me like, man. We... We need to record a record on you need to do is you need to be an actor. And so he said, man, we need to start calling you Big boy. And I'm thinking like, a big boy. You know what I'm saying? Like, why? Big boy. And he was, like, when someone walk into a room, you want them to know exactly who you are, brother. When they walk in the room, you want them to know exactly who you are. And so he just start
calling me Big boy. And when I did the project, I did the project under Kurt Big boy, Alexander. So big boy, has been there since I was 15 years of age. I imagine that you took that on, and it was in reference to your personality to your... Size, you you write a book about an excel life. There's a part of you that really claimed this and stepped into this. Is that True. What was that like? Oh, yeah. I was I was big boy proud. I was, you know, that that was me. I was the
I was the big guy. I was, you know, and big boy, it was, like big boy got big and
big and big. Big and bigger and bigger and bigger and bigger and anybody that follow my story which we're we're shared today, you know, then it got to pretty much the biggest boy and you know, I really kind of became this big boy person, and it started from this 15 year old doing a project with Rick D, 15, 16 years of age and, you know, dj n and do mobile parties to, you know, fast forward into radio, and then the big boy thing just kinda took off. And I felt like that was always me.
And to this day, I'm still big boy even though I've lost 300 pounds, but big boy has always been me and it's always been something that I felt. Like, it was empowering to me. Until I went and did a lot of work on me as well. And I don't run from Big boy. But I also had to understand that at 1 point, you know, like, man, were you as happy as you said or thought you were. And that was a lot of the work that I did, you know, with the process as well.
Yeah. So let's let's go there. So... Big boy heads into the process, only you're called Kurt. Right? Because that's your childhood name. Why did you take the process? What was the pain point that brought you to the work? You know it was... You know, for 1 thing you get so comfortable in your skin, sometimes you you you tell yourself you don't need the work. But I started to peel off these layers.
When I first wrote my book. I peeled off layers, And I thought I peeled off layers where I was like, oh my god. I'm saying in a whole lot. And so whenever you arrive, you kinda arrived, Like, when my mom passed away at the age of 57, I didn't get my health together. It was 1 of those things where everything is not like an instant light switch. With me always call it a dimmer. And so with me, it was more of that dimmer started to
light up whatever it is. Not the room, but light up Kurt lighten big boy putting this light on where I'm starting to see certain things. And I'm like, okay. You know what? You can't handle all this by yourself. Everything is not so called okay. You know? And so I was already kinda like looking and, you know, doing small bits of therapy and and talking to myself and doing writings and 1 day, man. I just had a meeting with with scooter with scooter Braun.
And I took some guys over there from Japan to meet with him about some business venture. It wasn't even about me and working on me. If you know scooter, scooter doesn't waste any time doing business. He did the business, and we just started talking. And he was talking about his life, and I've known scooter for years. So scooter started speaking up in his life and where he's at on a so forth he start bringing up half from an institute the process and he doesn't understand what he's
striking in me. He couldn't have known how much attention I was paying to his words and his dialogue and his manner and his face in the way his eyes looked in. He just looked so clear, and it wasn't about scooter that, you know, Taylor Swift and and Justin Bieber and Usher. It wasn't about fat. It wasn't about this professional guy with all these accolades. He looked happy as Scott. And that's what brought me into this conversation even more so. So I was like, ma'am. I gotta go. I
gotta go. I didn't have to think on it hard because you just drew you just know when something is good for your soul. And I felt like I need that. So I started, you know, doing some research I kept in touch with scooter, you know, went through the necessary, you know, channels in the process of doing the process, and it was something that I just felt like I had to do. And it's crazy too drew because sometimes, you don't wanna meet yourself. It was times when I was filling out
the, you know, just the application and... And just everything. Where there were times when I would have to stop and back away from the questionnaire and do it. And I was like, oh, my God, You know, what's on the next page? That idea that sometimes you don't really wanna actually even meet yourself and that homework, the pre you were doing, sounds like it was forcing a meeting between you and you that was hard to take. Yeah. You know, because I'm the happy guy. And not that I'm sad or... But I'm
the happy guy. Do you know what I'm saying? And and I think what we do a lot is we send the representative. And for Hoffman Institute in the process, I couldn't send the representative. Say a little bit more about that, Kurt, because I think you're onto to something. This is really good. Because I think all of us on some level send that representative, tell us about your representative as it relate to who you really are. You know, my representative is Kurt. It's big boy. It's the the funny
guys. The everything is gonna be alright. You know, it's the... Everybody has problems, but I don't wanna put my problems on you. It's like when you... When someone goes to anything, your first date and your few dates, your first job and working somewhere, you send this person in, that's like, oh my god. This this person is amazing.
And then you start after a while, you start seeing the flaws, or you start seeing, you know, character traits and things that had nature that you didn't see before because the representative was there, making sure that everything was pristine that everything was fine. You know, almost almost exhausting to send his representative in. So what I meant by that is when I'm doing the pre work, I'm like, okay, I've never went this deep. I've never had this conversation.
I've never been so called, and I forced for a lack of a better word, but I've never had to come to the realization of pulling my mom off this pedestal that I've had my mom on. You know? So it was a lot that was going on? What's the next what's the next page? What are these patterns? That I have. You know? So doing that pre work, I was, like, if this is just the pre work? What is the work? You know, Saying like, oh my god. But I just knew that and and and to keep it real with you too, Drew.
There were times when I was, like, Am I ready for this. You know, Am I really gonna go do this and not questioning that I would pull myself out of it, but it was just like, Are you ready for this. Now, 5 years ago, definitely wasn't ready for it? I was ready at that moment. You know, when I went into the process last July, July of 20 22, I was ready. So let me ask you a question. What do you think was different for you 5 years ago versus July of 20 22.
You know what? I think that you know, and it's not just with age and wisdom and being wiser because there's... You know, there's some dumbass. That's that's the same age as I hope, but it was just It's like your graduation walk. You know? Or it's like, okay. It's like school. If I go to first grade, the next thing is second, third, fourth fifth on and on. And I just felt like 5 years ago, I wasn't prepared for it because my representative was extremely huge at that time.
My layers were layered upon layered upon layered. You know, so I wasn't ready to not only talk to anyone about it. I wasn't ready for me to talk to myself about growing up in obesity and happiness and, you know, your addiction to food that I didn't know I had and daddy issues that I didn't know I had. So 5 years ago, I was fine. You don't either fine or frightened. It was 1 of those efforts. I was fine or frightened, but when it came down to doing the process last year of 20 22 in July.
It was just 1 of those things that I just I just knew. That I couldn't go on without this work. I knew that I could not, and I knew that it was it was time. For me to take this this pivot. So Kurt take us to your process because all that stuff is beginning to to fall away all those old understanding those old stories, those old patterns take us to your process. What was that like for you to navigate all this change and learning that was happening so intensely during your process.
You know, when when I did the pre work. And when I was on my way driving up to the process, I didn't know as far as getting to Hoffman, how I was gonna come out of there because I've never shared that much with anyone let alone a group of so called strangers who are now like, man, the... That's like my family now. But just getting there and filling in the nature, the staff that was beautiful, and everyone was there. Because something brought in there.
Everybody had their own situation problem agenda deem is whatever it was, everyone had their own. And day 1, You just don't know what's happened in day 1. You know, there's literally times and you know Drew, you go to breakfast and you'll come back and the room is set different. You're like, wait. What the hell is going on now. And I remember speaking with you 1 day, and it was surrender and submit. Wait where we we learned the difference between that. You know, And if... Am am I saying
that correct, Drew? You are. Surrender and submission. But it's great that you still remember that? What impact did it have on you? You know what? It was more so where you just like, you know what? Just do it. Do the work. Don't worry about what you look like. And there's gonna be so many people that's going to hoffman and doing a process that don't wanna take a lot of people into the room because I didn't have that a lot of things came to me as a surprise.
But there's just times where you just gotta say, do it, man, do it. You know what I'm saying? Hit the pillow, do this, Do that, You know, and I'll just say, you know what? You're here for this, and you'll be discounting yourself. If you didn't put it all in. And I'm telling you, man, I I felt like I put it all in, and there's nothing that I could say when I drove off for that that hill. That I was like, man, I wish I would have. Only thing I did, man was it just made me wanna continue.
This this journey that I'm on now. Beautiful. So is there a moment in time in your process whereas you now look back some 678 months later that you can remember. Oh, yeah. Oh my god. True. Yes, man. Like, for 1, I always knew everyone knows knows their patterns. And, you know, my patterns... I mean, I have many, but, you know, procrastination. Being an enabler, you know, just just a lot. And so going in, I was able to write down loads of patterns that I have. I I
deal with patterns every day. I've put patterns on my kids that I that I know I've put on my kids, but it was crazy, man because when I did the process at Hoffman. You think that you're ahead. Like, okay. I got this. I got that. I'm doing fine. My mom was great. I'm not really tripping off of my dad. My dad wasn't there. So I was... Let me deal with this. But the daddy issues... I don't have daddy issues. Never thought I did until as a... 52 year old man or 51 at the
time. I'm sitting there, and we're doing an an assignment. And this assignment has to do with your... You know, for me, it was my mom. It was, you know, my dad. And I never said all sperm donor? And dude, I didn't have those kind of hang ups because remember, I didn't have daddy issues. My mom did an an amazing job would raise Kurt Alexander into a man. So I didn't have oh, my dad was it there. I didn't have I didn't have anger like that drew. I didn't have We were
home is because you weren't here. You weren't this. You weren't that. My mom didn't speak bad about my dad, so I didn't have daddy issues. Until I went to Hoffman, and I learned what my patterns are. And what kind of daddy issues I really had. And I remember drew we were doing an exercise. And in this decides we had to write a certain amount of things down so on and so forth. And those have been to the... Through
the process they know. And so I had to write a certain amount, a number of things from Mama hard, but easier to do. You know? And then, you told me you said take twin... You know, take a certain amount of cards for your mom and a certain amount of cards for your dad. And so I took my mom. The a certain amount, and you were like, oh, you know, take some for your dad, and I was like well, I don't know my dad. I don't know about my dad.
I have nothing to write about my dad, and you said, take the ones for your dad. And so I'm seeing here and I'm writing my mom out, and I get to my dad, and I'm like, I don't have anything that I I don't know this man. I don't have no patterns or issues or hate this that and the other. I'm not gonna play like, I'm gonna write something just to get past these index cards. And at 1 point you came and you sat with me drew.
And we had a brief conversation, and I just started writing and I was like, oh my god. I do have daddy issues. I do have certain patterns from my dad. And when I say patterns from my dad drew into everyone that's listening. I'm not talking about patterns They say, oh, that's from your dad. But then when I realized, I have a son now. Right? And I noticed by the way I parent my daughter and my son. When my son, I had to teach my son how to stand up in urinate because my dad didn't teach me that.
I have to be the guy that tells my son, this that and a third and my daughter because my dad didn't tell me that. I sometimes over parent, over given the pattern enabler because I didn't receive those things from my dad. I gotta be the man of the household even more so and not tyra ruler, but I gotta be present. I go to all the basketball games. I go to all even the, you know, the cheer leading. Even when my my wife says, baby. You don't have to go to this. No. I have to
go. And that is a pattern drew because I didn't have my dad show up to a basketball game, a football game. Apparent night. You know? So I started to realize like, bro, Yeah. You do have for good, bad, whatever. You do have these these issues, and I never knew that until I opened up at Hoffman during the process, and understood that there's a different definition that applies to each individual, and I didn't have my definition of
what that meant until then. And so what was that like to have a sense of the power of his absence. What happened in your process as you came to understand that the absence of your dad was where the pattern was. What happened for you? You know what? It was it was lightning. And I brought up the dimmer. That was a light switch for me, Bro. It wasn't a dimmer. It was like bam, and I just was, like, oh my god.
Like I understand this. And it made my writings drew where I I'll go back and I'll look at something and I'm looking and I'm, like, dude. Who wrote this because you just flow and you just opened and I and I I continue to write to this day. It was 1 thing, you know, I could sit and say, I didn't know my dad and my dad wasn't there and, you know, big ups and all praises to my mom's on and so forth. So 1 of my assignments when I sat to write, it felt like something else to control of.
My heart, my mind, my body, my soul, my right hand at health of pain. It felt like something else took control. Because at that moment, when you say oh, you know, well, my dad wasn't there and not in a in an angry way, But my dad wasn't there. My dad is. My dad that And then I started writing, and I was like, wow. What if he didn't know that my mom was pregnant with? Or what if my mom is the 1 that towed him, don't come around anymore.
What if those were things that I didn't know, and I built up this whole wall. Around me that no 1 could penetrate, and I built this Fort safe zone. But when I put it into his perspective, and not that it was a a total forgiveness in this than the third because I I don't know if I have to forgive him, but I understood. At that moment. I understood. So it was very enlighten. It opened up a lot more questions and a lot more homework and a lot more dialogue. My mom passed
in 19 99. So I couldn't go to my mom and have a lot of this dialogue about who I am and who the the family so on and so forth. So I continue to do this work. You know? And that's why even now I'm like, okay, I'll share a lot but it's impossible to share it all because I'm still I'm still learning. It's trying to, man I I'm under the construction. You know? Still figuring it out. When you say I still continue to do this work. What does the work look like for you. You've referenced writing
I'm imagining you're talking about journal? Yes. I I journal journal with, you know, in a book. I have an app that journal. I do... I'm I'm on the Hoffman app it's constant, and it's not over bearing constant. Where it's like, oh my god. But, you know, there's some days when I gotta I gotta attach myself a little bit more. And then there's other days where I can use my extension cord and not tap in as close, but I feel that it's always gonna be
something. You know, even with with with the patterns that I have, Drew, it makes you recognize your patterns even more and you gotta learn how to control your patterns. And by that, I mean, not your patterns go away, but even to the point where I'm like, Okay. That's a pattern. Alrighty. And you can't be the... I can't be paranoid of of my patterns. I just recognize them. And I try my best to work on
them. You know? And the 1 thing that I love about about hoffman in the process as well, man is that when I speak about patterns, it's me. I'm not the pattern police. I can't say what's going on what my wife, my kids, my c because my buddies and so on and so forth. I got a lot of work to do on me. And so I I recognize those patterns. I saw some new ones. You know, there's some that's not at the surface as much anymore, but I welcome every day every moment, man. I I love
I love this work that I'm doing. On me. I was talking with a friend of mine today. You know, he's going through some therapy as well. And he was like, man. I wish sure what it did this earlier and I said, no You don't be. It's like now now you're ready for it. And that's the same way with me. I was ready for it and now that I found it, I love to continue this work on it. Like the process being at Hoffman, it didn't scare
me. You know, a lot of people do have regrets about wishing they had taken the process earlier if only or having started the work earlier, and yet you're saying they opposite. Can you share more about that? Yeah. You know, I found it when I found it. You know what I'm saying, I you know I could sit in here and say, oh, I wish I would've have got this earlier, but I didn't. I didn't get it early. I got it at God's timing, my timing and my wheel, you know, soul.
I can't sit and say and then who's to say that if I would've sat with anyone 5 years ago, that I would've said, oh, yeah. I need to check that out. I probably would just heard them out and said, okay That's fine. I don't know what I would've have done. I just know that at that time. That it was the right time for me. Sun moon stars, whatever that connection was, it was the right time for me. I can't have never been, but I tried not to be the person that say, You know, oh I wish I woulda did
this fight 5 years ago. I wish I would've bought that house 10 years ago, I wish I would've... Because I didn't. And I'm not gonna beat myself up. 5 because I didn't make a decision that I didn't know about prior. So I'm here. I've Arrived, and I'll I'll continue my journey I hear self compassion in that. Is that an emotion that helps you not look forward or backward, but be more present? Yeah. It it helps. And and it's it's wow too Drew because my mom, like I said, she passed in 19 99.
My mom was 57 years of age when she passed. Right? And I could sit here and say, man, I wish Had more time when my mom. I didn't. Man I wish I would've went on more vacations with my mom. I didn't. There's so many things that I could say about my mom's death in my mom's life. That could either hurt me or take me down, you know, a rabbit hole of emotions and it's not that it's thing of, I got emotions of steel. I'm a very emotional person. I just know that...
It doesn't help me to say I wish when I didn't. And there's nothing that I can do about it. I can't. When my mom was sick drew. That's when I realized at a certain point. That. I I realized what mattered. I realized that it wasn't about the ratings that I get on radio. It wasn't about a bi weekly check or signing an autograph or doing a Tv show or going to a concert, none of that stuff because there was nothing that I could do. That would have kept my mom alive for another year.
I couldn't pay something and say, hey, make this heart disease and make this know, stressing her, high blood pressure make all that go away and here's a million dollars. Couldn't do it. You know, there was nothing that I could do, so that made me at at that time, Drew, not knowing the work that I that was ahead of me. That made me at that moment understand
how precious life is. And then you know, you still get lessons because when my mom passed, I was still, you know, 500 pounds, and it wasn't like my mom passed and and all of a sudden, I... Got my health together. And like I said, it it was a dimmer as opposed to a light switch, but it opened me up to what was import. And it sounds like when you describe not being able to do anything to help her live longer.
There's a there's some surrender, in that as well surrendering to the powerless of being able to keep her alive. Right? Correctly. So you complete the process. You come down the hill, you head off into life. I'm curious about how this work is living inside you. How is it changing your work, your professional life in radio? But also your relationships. What do you notice, Kurt. Ned Drew, can I tell you something real quick? Right?
Drew, when I first came off the off the hill, but coming out of the, off. Not only was I there for the 7 days, then, you know, our path integration are 2 days after I couldn't find my voice. And when I say I couldn't find my voice when I'm on radio, it's like, I have a certain octave, Y'all. What up y'all big boy big boys neighborhood that kind of thing. Right? And that's me. That is me. But when I came off the hill. That 7 to 9 days was not draining,
but it was so beautiful for me. That I almost came out, and I was like, dude. I don't think I can do this radio thing anymore. You know? I don't need this phone I don't... You know... And and you come out and then that's when you think. That's when you know that the real... Work begins. Because I'm telling you, man, like, 7 days at hoffman, I could've did a month. You know what I'm saying? But at some point, I had to come out and say, okay, You gotta deal with this meeting. You gotta
deal with this email. You gotta deal with this person. You gotta be a dad. You gotta be a husband. You gotta be, you know, a business owner it everything. So how do you make this work in your real world? In the real world that you knew you had to come back to. And so getting home It was like, man, I thought I went up to Hoffman with a great tool bill.
And coming home, it was like, I had extra notches to put this tool in so much different ammo and a different screwdriver and a different hammer head, and and I was... I had... I came home with so much that I could apply to rebuilding or rein introducing our starting to know who Kurt Alexander is. Because big boy, I got big boy. I got... I I got big boy all day, and we had a conversation before Drew, where I was like, Big boy. I got it. I know big boy. I know big boy.
I needed to know Kurt Alexander. That's who I went to work with and work on and get an understanding. When I went to Hoffman. I didn't need someone at Hoffman to tell me how to... Not tell me, but help me be big boy. Help me know how to take a picture, help me sign an autograph. Help me turn on a microphone and push my volume up. I know I know all that how to carry myself in public as a public figure in I know that. I went to go work on Kurt Alexander. And that's who I continue to work on.
Big boy. That's my job. That's me. I don't run from it, but I know how to do Big boy. I'm knowing how to do this human being called Kurt Alexander, and that's always. As you get to know him, is he younger because you haven't been in contact with him? Or does he feel like an adult? Or what's that process like of becoming intimate with the kurt underneath Big boy. You know what's wow. When we talk about, like, your spiritual self at this that in the third,
I always see. And I just... I just had this conversation with my buddy Jose when we were driving home. And I told him I said, man, He said he's doing some work now. And he didn't think I understood, like I see myself as a kid, and I'm shaking my head, like, broke, not in my head, like, you don't understand how much I overs understand what you're talking about. And so with me Drew, I'm always between 9 and 12. I know my little a that I had. I know the puff ness in my face for some reason.
I'm always between 9 and 12 years of age when I think about that. Curt, what he feel as he goes through his day as he scared? Yeah. And and, you know, I would say, like, yeah, scared is is an emotion. Yeah. I could sit here and say, oh, he's happy. He's Jolly. Yeah. He's that, but he's also where are we gonna live at tonight? That's a lot. My kids are my son be 16, and my daughter's 14. They don't want... I don't think that they've ever thought. Where am I gonna live tonight?
Where is my next meal coming from? How am I gonna get to school tomorrow? Thank god they don't have to think about those things? And Kurt thought about those things every day. Every day, especially when we were homeless. You know what I'm saying? Like, going from motel to motel, and it wasn't like we were homeless and here's another pattern protect my mom and put my mom on the pedestal store. My mom didn't smoke she didn't drink she
and didn't have a drug habit. It's 7 kids, and you get this slippery slope, financially. That's what happened to us. So we had to move into a motel. And not a hotel. I'm talking about a mode tail with probably 300 square feet if that, you know? Because I know what the 04:50 motel and hotel rooms look like, So this had to be what, 300 square feet if that, and that's 8 people in there. So those were... Those are the things that when I think about the younger me when you asked was was scary.
Yeah. It was. You know, because a child, You think all kids don't think about those things. Kids know. And as I got older, I knew wow. That was scary for you. It was probably scary her or more hurtful to my mom because she was the adult and she knows. The feelings of kids being displaced and not having a home to come home to. But, yeah, I remember all that drew. I remember walking from school and telling my buddies on about to go to this way. All, church.
You live that way. Yeah. Out. I cut a different way, and they'll walk their away, and then I turn back to run through the Alley and go to the motel. And we did have motel friends because families stayed there. But for the better part, a lot of people didn't know that you lived in a motel or that you lived in, place in Santa monica called the Sunlight mission in with with your family? You know, so you you knew those kind
of things. You know, even at an early age, you knew that you didn't have a home. You know, that's why it pattern wise I... You know, my home is imma. And I don't mean by size or furniture in this than the other. It's just what we built here where my kids don't have to worry about that. And being the enabler that I am before I went to the process and even know more so. Now, none of my family have to worry about that. Because I knew I know what that feels
like. And I imagine that feeling it's a cellular feeling of being homeless. And it just keeps you wear at the moment you're living it. And whatever anyone's particular problem this and the other, those things live with you for life. It could tear you down. It could build you up. It can make you stronger. It can make you weaker. Whatever it is, man, when you have so called a traumatic experience or just things that's not so beautiful.
You hold onto those things. And when I started thinking about patterns, when we were in the motel living, you know, we're in a motel for about a year, our first bout of homelessness. To this day, Drew, if you came to my home, you would look and in my pantry, you'll see paper plates, plastic cups. And we have all the the silverware and all that stuff for real. But what what I eat out of every everyday, paper plates, paper forks, red cups.
Because when we're were in the in the motel, You didn't have plates. You didn't have silverware. You didn't have glasses. That's the way I ate as a probably a 10 year old. And to this day, I still do that. I go to Costco and I buy thousands of forks in spoons. And now that pattern, out of convenience my kids probably I think is convenient. My kids have that now. I've put that pattern on my kids as well and my wife.
You know, And it's a convenience party to them, but I had to tell them where that came from. That's just 1 other thing you know, we didn't have... When you're in a motel motel, they used to give you these pink soaps. And it was these little square little rectangle soaps that you couldn't even do 1 shower where let alone 8 people. And you come to my home now?
I have a drawer. You're looking there, You'll probably count a hundred bars of soap, but that's the pattern from what I didn't have back then. You know, And like when I say things affect you that is so true that they affect you, Bro. As you think about your work, I imagine that your conversations with your guests are deeper. Are you more impatient with superficial stuff, Do you dig in quicker, harder earlier on in the conversation. What's the impact of Hoffman on your radio work.
You know, prior to going Hoffman, we had what I felt was great conversations beforehand. But now I feel that there's... Greater conversations. And not that I came from Hoffman, and I have this different understanding you just have more of a of a compassion. And I talk for a living, but I listen very well. Sometimes people don't wanna, you know, if somebody are going to a story, and all I need to do is say, man, explain what you mean by that. And then that person goes
in even more so. So 1 thing that I've learned also since Hoffman is it taught me how to listen even more. And what you do with the tone of your voice, looking people an eye, not that I didn't have this before. But it made me more conscious. Of, how I receive this person and how this person receives me. When you say that how I receive this person, and how this person receives me is a is almost like a definition of presence, what it means to be present. Yeah. You're just just really in the moment.
And and it's wild, man, because even on my end with a whole big boy thing. And when we were talking about my book as well. I was like, man, oh, I wrote my book. I wrote my book. And I did write a book. Big boy in Xl life thing big at half the size. Right? I wanted my kids to read my book. My kids still haven't read my book You know what I'm saying? They have questions about their dad. And at some point, I was like, man. I'm wanna have them read my books hold,
these questions could be answered. And as I talk to you today, Drew. Now I don't want my kids to read my book. Not that book. The reason why I say that Drew is because I wrote my book, but That's not the book. It it did well, and people enjoyed the story because I let them in. I let them in a little bit more than this guy that you heard through your speakers. I didn't know that about big boy, but I felt now that
I didn't write the right book. So There's nothing I could do about the book that's out. But if I had written that book today with what I've learned about me, and I was still protective when when I wrote that book. I was still protective. I was still shielding kurt, and writing and big boy. You know, and and I let you in, but the layers weren't as removed as they are today, and that was a moment in time at that time, that's the book I wrote. And and I'm and
I'm gonna tell you the truth too. I knew at some points that I was holding back. And but let's do it. Let's let's let's put it out. And now that I sit here today, I like, man. There's so much more. You know, and not just fast forward because of, you know, hoffman in the process and being older and, you know, being more vulnerable, It's just I knew then, like, man you're not writing the book. Not even knowing what that meant, but I felt it.
Does that feel like you're ready to write another book where you do share those things that maybe where you held back. Oh, yeah. I'm I'm writing now. I'm, you know, I'm I'm doing my notes. How has the process helped you write? A more honest book. Man, I don't know. I don't know how to answer that. I don't know if if it's in words, if it's in percentages, it it's just I don't know if I would've even arrived at saying. Because I knew I wanted to write another
book. But I don't know if I would have arrived at the book that I'm writing if I didn't go to the process. You know, what I had wrote a fluff book like, oh, you know, my best interviews and, you know, and that'll be in there. You know what I'm saying? All my best interviews. Oh, when I left the station that I was at for 21 years and went to a new station and built this and built that, like, that's big boy. You know what I'm saying? That's that's that's big boy. I wrote the big boy book.
I gotta write the Kurt Alexander Book, like for real for real. Like, that's the book. That I'm writing right now. People come to me all the time. Drew and they say, man I read your booking and really help me. Our listen to your radio show every day and it really helped me. My radio show has helped a lot of people and has helped me go through through a lot as well. Helped me through a lot.
But, man, what I give you on the next we're not even trying to sell a book or anything, but I'm giving you more, I'm giving you me. You know? And I think that not that the public deserves that, I think I owe that to myself. Now that's beautiful. I owe it to myself. Yeah. And, you know, and and even with with Big boy, you know, and and just briefly... For those that do know or don't know, you know, I was over 500 pounds.
I got gastric bypass surgery, 20 years ago, And even then, I was, like, I'm happy in my skin. I could so call beat accommodate being 500 pounds. You know, if I needed a... To fly. I could, you know, get a first class bigger seat if I needed a car. I can get a bigger car to drive in if I needed a suit. I could have somebody make me 1 I can accommodate being this 500 pound guy. And then you just... I just got to a point where I was like, man. You're gonna die.
You're gonna die, and I'm not, you know, I'm not 1 of the people all, nervous hypo. I'm not none of that bro, but I felt in my soul. That I was gonna be dead in a year. If I didn't do anything to take over my health. And as I was writing the book happy, big boy happy big boy, but then, you know, you start doing the work and you say you know what, man? How happy were you? And I can sit here, Drew, and I can tell you I was happy. But how happy were you for real?
Now at my biggest, on the scale, I was 511 pounds. And when I got my surgery date, they told me they said just lose as much weight as you can. So I'm pretty sure in that little bit of time, I was over 550 pounds, but when I got on the scale was 511 pounds. Now, I'm happy.
Oh, I'm now I'm happy. I'm happy. Now if there was a button in front of me that said 511 pounds, and a button that said 200 pounds, was I so happy that I wouldn't have pushed that 200 pound, but I would have pushed it in the heartbeat. So it made me think about how happy were you? Maybe I was happy. Maybe I'm just happier. I am so grateful for this conversation. Kurt. How do you feel after talking and telling
your story? I feel good, Bro, you know, I feel good because like I said, I'm I'm not talking to the people that's that's listening just to the people that's listening. I'm talking to me. You know what I'm talking to me isn't and it's not a pep talk. You know, it's a step talk. It's like, man step up, continue to do what you're doing. So it's good for me. Well, I'm excited to read this new book that comes out whenever it does.
I know shame is in there ming in there with weight and fear was big boy a way of managing the shame that Kurt was feeling. You know what? That's a great question. Because as I'm sitting here, I don't know. It was big boy to protector was big boy, the 1 at, you know, that knew how to smile now. And also, man, like, growing up, I'm not the guy that people talked about and, you know, it was fat jokes and this jokes like I'm not that guy. I've never been that guy. I've always been the guy where
I protected myself. I wasn't the guy that you know, you just bullied and, you know, I sock you in your mouth. You know? And and and I don't mean to sound crazier or anything, but I wasn't that guy. I wasn't the butt of your choke. I wasn't the 1 that you pull my shirt up and expose my stomach and all that stuff. Like, I was so called the coolest fat
big guy that you knew. That's why I also, I didn't have a lot of the so called problems and issues, that other people that was my size would have, and that helps you. Either hurts or help you get your life together as well. I didn't have that. I was just I was just cool. I was just cool. But now when when you start to think of it, big boy did remove. Or shield you from that shame. It's crazy because I was so called so good in my skin that I didn't even recognize a lot of the
shame. If we went out to go eat, I would walk in and I would have to make sure that the chairs didn't have arms on it. Or that the tables were adjustable, not in in a booth. When I would fly, I would have to fly with a seat belt extension. And then I would have to buy the seat next to me. And I didn't feel a lot of shame in that But now we're not looking to rearview mirror, I didn't feel a lot of the shame. Right? But I see that there was shame there. I see now that I wasn't as comfortable
is what I thought I was. And now and not being judgmental, but I see it in other people. I see them and I see through them. Because I know what it feels and felt like. Like, I'll see people. Right? And I'll see them celebrating something something. I'm like, Okay. That's real. I did that. And now that I'm here, I'm like, I wasn't totally happy. So not putting mine on them, but I'm like, I... You can't be. You can't be that happy. And maybe it's because I wasn't.
There was some shame there of sitting in a chair and just making sure, like, is it steady. You know, when I used to go do, like, live broadcast they would have these white flimsy chairs that they would bring out for the air talent, and they had... They knew in the paperwork of when you would pack up the speakers and the turn turntable in the microphone and promo pictures for big boy, you had to bring a steel or a solid chair for Big Boy to sit in. Data is shaming
that. How could it not be? You know what I'm saying? Like, how could it not be? I just didn't really trip off of it then. But, yeah, Definitely, so. Did I go home and cry, nah. But now that I know yeah. You know, I didn't know that I had an addiction and a love affair food. How could you be 500 pounds and not know that? You know, Like, come on, man, Like, how much of an emotional eater are you not how not was, You know, I I would celebrate with a meal? I would have a meeting with a meal.
I would be sad with a meal. Every for every emotion, it was celebrated or it was comforted by food. So, yeah, I continue to work on and broke continue every day. And with the gastric bypass, it doesn't take away the wants knees the yearning force and and things of that nature, it took me 10 years until still till today to even just learn nutrition to learn if that 1 must have been emotional, and
I'm still an emotional eater. I know when I have my next lunch meeting and what I'm gonna have, III can recognize those things even more so now. I'm just inspired them and I love what you're saying. That's so honest, Kurt and real. Thank you for your time. Man, thank you, bro. Thank you for listening to our podcast. My name is Liza and Rossi. I'm the Ceo and President of Institute Foundation. And I'm Rising Rossi, Often teacher and founder of the Hop Institute Foundation.
Our mission is to provide people greater access to the wisdom and power of love. In themselves in each other and in the world. To find out more, please go to hop institute dot org.