You're about to hear a conversation with myself and Connie stock. For those you who have been lucky enough to be her student, her coaching client, her colleague, or her friend, you know what a powerful woman she is. Connie is a retired hoffman institute teacher who taught for 30 years. She's fiery and passionate and smart and a role model in so many ways. I'm deeply moved by her ability to live her life with 2 core pillars. 1 is curiosity.
The way she says it is, I want to know what I don't know. And 2 is a non negotiable requirement of loving. Everything she does and she has brought that to every chapter of her life, including the 1 she's currently in of retirement. This is an incredibly inspirational conversation and I am so excited for you all to listen. So let's jump in. And Welcome to Loves everyday radius. A podcast brought to you by the Hoffman Institute. My name is Sharon Moore, and I'm 1
of your host. And on this podcast, we talked to hot graduates about how their courageous journey inward impacted their personal lives, but also. How it impacted their community and the world at large. So tune in and listen in and hear how our graduates authentic selves, how their love, how their spirits are making a positive impact on our world today. In other words, get to know their loves everyday radius. Alright. Connie com stock welcome to the show. Delighted to be here.
It is such an honor to be the 1 who gets to interview you, Connie. I have been excited for days. So, Connie, you have such a deep history with the Hoffman Institute, and that's not even all of your life. That's just a portion of your life. But I do wanna start there because it is so pivotal. And so can we start from the very? Beginning, when did Hoffman come into your life? What was the process like then? What was going on in your life that got you
there? The process is really in a transitional time. It had been a 13 week process where people... Kept coming to class and leaving and coming and leaving, and transition to a 7 day residential process. I heard about the process and maybe it had done 4 processes in residents And the way I heard about the process 19 85, Bob Hoffman wanted my brother who's a writer to help him write a new book. About
the way the process was happening now. And as a result of that, my brother did the process he did some parts of the 13 week process, but then he went and... Did the whole 7 day process. And he was so impressed. And he gave me a copy of Bob Hoffman book about the original 13 week process. And he never ever expected me to to do it. He just thought it would... I would be interested in knowing what he had done. And is my older brother, who I was very close to.
I had just left a job that kept me very busy And I realized I was a work alcoholic. And, I mean, I was just, like, working 80 hours a week and traveling all over the place and everything. And I... Quit, and I thought I was gonna take a few months off and then go back and get another job. And I was delighted to learn about the process. It was like, oh my god. Spirit has delivered just what I And so I talked to Barbara about it at my sister, and she went and did
it right away because she had just... Had some transition in our own life, and I read this old book of Bob's, and I cried, and I thought, wow, this is really touching me patterns and and, you know, what rules our life and so forth. And I signed up right away. And I went in... I think it was end of January in 19 86. And I love the process because 1 of the things that I love is learning things. I love to learn. I love to learn the things that I don't know and the process was amazing, so touching.
These people coming together. They don't know each other, you don't know the teachers. You don't know the students, but forming a community of growth and a kind of enlightenment, what the process does is it enables us to know ourselves. There's so much about ourselves we don't know. And I was... Stunned how visceral it was. This was not just a thought we're feeling. It was like, controlling my life. These patterns.
I was thrilled to see the energy of the patterns to dissipate and and come in this connection and with myself and learned that I had a an essence that we label a a spiritual self, which was so I've been such a huge thing in my life since I did the process. I was actually gonna ask, you said spirit had delivered just what I needed, but Were you already thinking that way at that point or is that is that what you say in reflection in retrospect. Yes. Spirit delivered just what I
needed at that point. I don't know if I was thinking Spirit delivered, but I got delivered just what I needed at that point of my life to understand it was... Spiritually guided, I think. So you did the the 7 day process. This was in 19 86. Is it too far away for you to know, oh, this was the pivotal moment. There was this moment in the process that really cracked me open. Do you have 1 of those moments? I have 1 moment. It's when we're working with the patterns from our mother, and I realized
it was like she kept coming back. Like, I could see it visualize it and feel it, You know, like, what a tight hold her patterns I had on me and my life. That is a the moment... The first moment where I really knew this was powerful and this was gonna change my life. First of all, you know, really coming to recognize specific patterns of ways of thinking and feeling that were modeled from my my parents and my family. There was a lot of good, but there were also things that dragged me down.
Sort of marks that I had to hit. That perfection do everything right? Do everything well? Be a good person, all of that from my family was so powerful in my life, and to feel that I had more free will choice. I was more connected not with the patterns, but with my essence. Of who I am, and what I want for myself rather than doing what I'm supposed to do It has amazing feeling. Freedom. Yeah. I was just gonna say. That's that's liberation if I've ever heard of it.
And I mean, do everything right, even that word, do everything right? It's completely subjective. How do you define right? I know. It right, obviously was had something to do with what standards were set in my family. So you had several siblings. Take the process. Were you able to witness how all 3 of you broke free of the same patterns really rick because it was the same childhood, did off all of you managed to break
free of of these patterns? You know, 1 of the thing is the patterns that concern the individual is what you break free from. So, yes. My mother did the process when she was in her seventies. All of my siblings did the process. Their partners all did the process. And yes, it it changes the way that you talk about things that you think about things that you feel about. You know, like, you're able to be more aware. You know, I haven't had that in
my familiar experience. So, I'm just enamored by this reality. Where all siblings, all partners and even your mother have done the process, which in theory means all of you are able to identify when it's a pattern, identify when it's your essence or when it's your spirit, help each other identify it, and then create these connections that are coming from the most pure place. Wow. I don't think we all had the same patterns You know, like, I'm the second child of 4, patterns
impacted the all of that. Know, like, where we were in the in the family. We we never developed any sort of... In my family, we develop any real sibling rivalry, you Yeah. We were, like, a team. I mean, we helped each other. That was the, kind of the the model. And I don't think we always did it, and and we did have fights and stuff
like that. But I I said something to my my younger brother and about they said everybody comes to at a time where they don't talk to their siblings or something like that. And I said to him Bruce. Do you remember time like that? He said, that never happened. It's not like you don't talk to him for a year or something, but, you know, like, you have the time when you won't talk to them. That hurts my heart to imagine that. And I mean, that's not my experience, So I
don't know. It didn't seem really real to me. No. And I think sibling love is so special and so unique specifically because we share that childhood. We share the most formative and intimate intimate time of our of our lives, which is the early days. Yeah. But in a lot of families, there's a lot of I've going on between siblings, which is not what you experienced and of Do you attribute that to the fact that everybody did the process? No. I think that happened in our childhood?
I don't know why it exactly happened, but I think they're there was always a sense that we're taking care of our siblings. Like my older brother, Craig. Who's the first 1. He said, you know, I thought my kind of like duty or job was to to take care of you. Me. His younger sister, 2 years younger. You know, like, I always had the feeling with Craig that when any of the other siblings, how to try him for, you know, like,
a victory or did something good. Craig was the 1 who wanted to get on the rooftop and shout And I always felt like I had a cheerleader. That's makes me my heart hurt from love. And he did this for for all the siblings. He was the he was the cheerleader. I think pretty much a cheerleader. And it sort of extended out. I mean, like, he became a cheerleader sort of where his friends if he was in a relationship with a with a woman,
anything she did that was good. That was he would wanna be out there announcing it. Yeah. What a special soul. And he's the 1 who brought you to Hoffman. That's Craig. Yes. That's Craig. Yeah. And Bruce is you're younger. Bruce is my younger sibling. Craig was the first 1 to did the process and Barbara did it. The youngest, then I did it. And then a number of years later, quite a number of years later, Bruce did
it. I'm gonna switch gears a little bit in case people haven't met you, which I know there's thousands of people who have been in your presence and have been lucky enough to be coached or taught by you, but I do wanna name this that you then became a teacher at 1 point. So when did that happen? Originally after the process, it I, as I said, it was in a transitional state, and it didn't have anybody, to run this new institute. And so Bob asked me to be
the director. Shortly after I did the process. Well, I made some suggestions about how they could improve? I was just gonna say, but how did he know that you had the skill set. So III said, oh, my god. They're really struggling. I could I could give them some simple suggestions, which I did, and I found out that the new director of this new institute had resigned, So I gave my suggestions. They must have told Bob. Bob talked to Craig because he knew Craig, and I said, get Connie to come here and
talk to me. I went to his house, and I told them some stuff, fairly simple things that could be done to, you know, accelerate the the growth of the institute this tiny little institute. And he said I want you to be the director. And I and I said, you know, I've done that now 4 times, renovating. Organizations building them or whatever. And that's not what I wanna do. And he said, well, I don't know what else to do. I think I'll close the institute if you don't do this. And I said, come on. You
can't do that. This is too amazing. The hoffman process is just like so powerful and so valuable for any human being that you can't do that. So I will help you, but I will kinda be a consultant. Okay. You don't have pay me. I'll just do this. So I did that. And then I... After... I don't know how many months, I thought, I'm I'm doing everything as a director, and my I will take the title. Maybe it'll
be helpful for me. So I did become the director, and I created a way for the institute to grow in different countries in the world. So I think during that period, there was a... I can't remember how many years it was now. 4 or 5. We went from 1 institute in in California 2. I think we had, like, 8, countries like Germany and Switzerland and Austria and and so forth. There would be somebody who did the prospect and they'd I'd say I
wanna do it. I wanna I wanna create an institute in my country, so people can do this amazing piece work. I had fun just I had fun creating the Hoffman International with Bob. And so you created the Hoffman International and were you also a teacher at that... Point or are you doing both? I became a teacher. I think I started training in 89 because I thought I could be better director if I was a teacher, And I became a teacher, I believe certified in in 19 90. And so I was teaching...
And then running the institute. And at that point, there was like, another person that came in that was... Able to do some of the work. The the office was getting bigger. We were having more processes, and that was 3 years So I became a teacher, but the thing is, I thought when I did did that, that I would become a teacher to be a better director, but the truth is When I became a teacher, I loved it. I loved teaching. It was being in the middle of the discovery process.
The amazing thing about the Hoffman process is it really is people discovering who they are. They are discovering. Nobody's telling them, and all of the things that they do during the process are helping them know themselves. And know what's really in their way and know what their passion is and their life force and so forth. So to be able to be in that mix where discovery is going on at a rapid rate is so exciting, and there's so much joy that comes out. During the process. This is interesting.
So in a way, your career, even before you were the director of the Institute was really directing Institutes and taking them from vision to a a larger scale. And then through Hoffman, you had a career change in a way because you learned that you actually enjoy being a teacher. You actually enjoy rolling your sleeves up and being in this journey as people are discovering who they are. Is that an accurate statement? Yeah. And I mean, I had taught before, other things. When I was in
in science. I had been an instructor. And I had taught English in Japan, and but what was going on in the process was so much different than what you think about what I think about when I think about teaching? There's a lot of guidance and I don't know support. And I think on the part of the teachers, there's a lot of curiosity about what's gonna come out. Do you know what I mean? Of course. At the way I would, I say it is, we in a way need to as teachers. We need to stay in the mystery.
Like you said. We kinda create the space and they're doing it on their own. They're discovering who they are. They're finding out what's it's in the way. We're we're creating the space But through, like you said, our own curiosity, our own love of this journey in the process and our own ability to stay in the mystery. The second we're on the mystery We're no longer doing the work. Being a Hoffman teacher is, like, was always going on in adventure. Because students may do a lot of pre work.
And you get to read it before you meet them, but there's so much more to discover. There's so much more that comes out. So whenever I'd go to teach the process I felt like I was going on a trip plugging out new things, new experiences, it was never dull. No. Never. And I also and I I imagine you relate to this, but I also felt like, not only was I seeing them do their work. Every time I would teach. I I got a nugget of wisdom for my own journey as
well. 1 of the things I loved about teaching the process was turning things over to spirit for me, as a teacher. We were walking into an adventure that we didn't know what exactly what was going on. We know the steps of the process, but we don't know what's gonna go on in the students. And we never fully know what's happened within the students. But it comes out. Things come out during the process. And wow, learning about life and the and the, amazing diversity and similarities.
Now real, I wanna go back to something. You said something about turning it over to spirit. Were you trained as a scientist? My graduate work is in microbiology, science. I was an electron my microscopy in my twenties? What I'm hearing is your training was a a scientist, and then somewhere in your career, the thing that really spoke to you, was this art of turning things over to spirit, not your rational mind, not your scientist brain, but this other part of you that was a surrender to spirit.
Which I think is amazing. It was a very interesting. And I always found that when I was teaching. You know, like, step in front of the classroom and turn it over to Spirit. Within myself. And you know the sessions you're gonna do and you have a lot of experience and all that, but you actually listen to spiritual guidance within you and things always turned out. I mean, things happen. In life. And you don't know exactly what to do. And they happened in the process.
I always could move through whatever was coming up if I trusted spirit. While I was still a teacher, I moved to Ash Oregon, And the way that happened is I was helping my mother. At 85, she wanted to move to a small town where she know nobody. So we took it there, and I walked into a house that was being built in the neighborhood we were interested in for my mother. And there was an outside, but there was
no interior. There was just plywood and posts and stuff like that and dirt on the ground, And I heard a voice say this is your house. I wasn't even planning On moving. I was living in the Bay area. I said what? To myself, what? And I walked around inside of this partially built house, and I thought Shoot. This is too big. The the land is just dirt and weeds. And and then I walked back, and I was with my older brother, Craig. And I heard this voice again say this is
your house. And so I told him, he said, well, what are you gonna do? I said, I guess I'm gonna buy it. And that's where I am right now. That's, you know, what I mean. Will you really listen. And I mean, it's... It was a great... Choice it's a great decision. A great move in my life. My old family ended up living in Ash. My mother got a house across the park for me. Barbara and Jimmy bought a house, then my older brother Craig bought a house, and then my younger brother Bruce. And so
we are raised in New York. My mother never had this idea that she talked about. Instead of her family would come together in her old age or anything, but that's what happened. We you're were all here. Wow. All because you were able to listen to your spiritual guidance and then put it into action and trust it. Right. Amazing. A scientist. You know, a scientist exactly... It's fascinating to think that that was the beginning. That was your training. And then Would you say that crossroads
or big decisions you made? For example, stopping the teach. Right? You taught for, 25 over 25 years, was that also a surrender to to spirit. How did you know? I quit teaching when I was 75, And I knew that in my early seventies, it was, I thought I would end up teaching just maybe 72 or something. And I kept asking spirit. Is it time? Then I got an answer the time? Is coming. I had already agreed to teach processes through the end of the year, so I that
I did. I told him through the end of the year, and then I stopped Spirit said so. And what was that transition like going from this such deeply rewarding work that is integrated into your family and inter woven into so many key parts of who you are, and then you retire. What was that transition like? That was hard. Okay. 1 of the things I I haven't mentioned it it's a guiding force in my life that came from my parents.
Is love what you do. You know, when you're choosing work, you know, like a job, you wanna love it. You wanna be something that you really care about and and it nurture you. And for sure, I loved teaching the process. And the idea and I loved a lot of the other things that I did in my life. But to give that up was was difficult. But I also wanted to be at my prime so to speak when I was doing that. So it was very hard, and I did... For the first time in my life, get a Therapist.
So I had somebody to talk to about the whole idea of of leaving work and being retired and and so forth. It was a hard transition. I had to find other things that were nurturing and alive. I became a hospice volunteer. And that was very interesting because I am ended up, like, in a special category hospice volunteers, interviewing the people who were in hospice, who wanted to be interviewed and video. So I worked with another woman who did video stuff, and and somebody would say, yeah,
I'd like to make a video. It was like, an hour video of my life. And the woman who did the video was really good at the video part, but she said, when she invited me to go with her, she said, you're so good at at the questions. Yeah. 30 years as a hoffman teacher. Anyway, so we would go and it it wasn't all... Everything wasn't always recorded, But the the recordings were amazing what people wanted to talk about. They had an idea. They said they wanted to be other... They had a certain section
of their life they wanted recorded. It wasn't their whole life, generally. I was just... This. She want... They wanted a record of it. That was very interesting to see. And some of the people were doing death with dignity, and so that they could determine when their life would end and others were just ending their life naturally. But 1 woman really struck me. It was it was always hard when the patients were very young. You know, I had 1 patient it was,
like, 30. And she died before I could get you the second session But there was a woman I was in her early forties, I she had 3 young children, and she had... I think, like, some cancer or something. Didn't have very much money, and she was actually spending the time in somebody's basement, which was above the ground, you know, like, the windows. But it was the basement of somebody's house. She could hardly talk and but she wanted to do something for her kids, her kids,
did not know she was dying. And they knew she was sick, but they didn't know she was dying. So she wanted to write them letters. So that's what we did. I prompted her. Like, what kind of things she wanted to say? How did you feel when you found out you're were pregnant when they were born? What was the most precious thing about them? And so forth. And I said, and you have to make all these letters the same length. You can't 1 short letter
And we did it. We did it in a couple hours, and I was just taking notes, and I said, I'm gonna go home, and I'm gonna type this up, and I'm gonna send it to your mother here who was with her. And if it's... If you want any change, just let me know. I did that. The next day I sent it. She said they're perfect and the 2 days later she died. To be able to do something like that for somebody, it's such a precious thing. Did you find themes?
In these interviews that you would have with people who are in hospice, knowing they are leaving their bodies. Was there a theme in all these conversations you were having? No. Another only thing I can think of as a theme is something that they wanted remembered. It wasn't the same kind of thing always. And it was surprising, and they say, no, I'm done now. That's it. You know, they say... I've said what
I wanna say. And I was surprised at what it was I remember 1 time, there was a older woman and her her daughter was there in the room. And her daughter chimes don't you wanna talk about... Such and such, and she said, no. Her daughter had an idea about what should be records, but it wasn't the same as her mother. And with all of your years of surrendering the spirit of creating space of letting people have their own journey, you were able to... Do exactly that with these people in hospice?
And are you still doing that? I stopped doing it during Covid. How many years between the beginning of your retirement and Covid? And and what role did that play? So I probably did the the hospice, maybe, like, 3 or 4 years when I'm... Struck by is in all of your stories, and we haven't even touched upon your chapter pre hoffman. But in the things that I have learned and heard from you, There is spirit in all of your crossroads. Even this. So it was hard and then
I went to hospice. You didn't know that you would be recording stories of people and using the same skills that were so ingrained in you and things that you like to do by hearing people's stories. You just went to hospice and said, hey, I'd like to help. And next thing you know, you're doing this magical work. That is, what did you say your pants, you need to love what you do. You need to care about what you do. It seems like this happened again in
your chapter with Hospice. Yeah. That was definitely a theme, you know, how to decide what to do and like, you have to love it. You have to really care about, You don't just do something for money or I need a job or, you know, something like that. And so when you retired in and started hospice. Were you able to undo identity around I'm a hoffman teacher. Or was that not even... Did you have to un undo stuff around identity that was built through the 30 plus years of being
a hoffman teacher? I don't think so. I think I I was able to carry my... Not just from Hoffman, but from other things, I think I was able to carry my skills over to my next... Thing. But it wasn't always the same. I wasn't always the same skills. I went from science. And then the next thing I did was going and live in Japan and teach English. And that... Had a lot to do with the inquiry, you know, like, wanting to learn
things. Wanted don't to know more. Like, when I was teaching because I love to get the students talk about things that were innate Japanese or something cultural. So I could... You know, I love that. That was fascinating. But then I'm always looking to get things done right done well, and that's what got me. So I ended up as a director of that school in Japan. By getting all the teachers together, and we came up with
a different curriculum than what they had. It was a pretty important school in Tokyo. I mean, it was considered a good english school. So from scientists to Japan to teach English and once again, here you are showing your skills, showing your commitment, showing your passion. And next thing you know you're leading the school. And I like to get people together. I like the idea of working together. So having a team, and so getting all the teachers together in Japan. A lot of us
were from other countries. Like, I was from Us, but there was people from from Canada, English speaking places, as well as some Japanese teachers. I love to get them together to get all their ideas in whatever we were creating. And that was fun, and they loved it. And, even the secretaries so to speak secretaries in the in the office, they were sort of, like, just t servers, but I said, look, I don't read the japanese. So I need help. So you you gotta...
Step up and have a different job, so they became, like administrative assistance, and I love that. So it's kind of seeing how we could make this as good as we could. And maybe that's what it is. It's it's this combination of here are the themes that I've seen so far with you. At the core is you want to know things. You wanna know, I think you've, I wanna know what I don't know or something like that. And then there's this, I have to make sure that I care deeply and love what
I do. Ted And then there's this ability that you have to see where things can be better, where they can be more efficient, where they can be more effective. And you don't keep that to yourself, you share it. Next thing you know, you are leading the transformation of this organization, whether it be the Japan school, whether it be your other chapters, whether it be the Hoffman institute, you know, and so on and so forth. So those traits are the ones that keep following you.
This curiosity wanting to learn things, this core tenant of wanting to make sure you love what you do, and then this ability to see, hey, you know, if we did it this way, it might be easier and it might be more effective. Beautiful. I... And I think the team effort came also from the way my family was... We didn't do everything together. But I think we learned to work with each other. Consider each other. So I love working in a teams.
That's another wonderful thing about teaching the process is your work a team, That's 1 of my favorite things. It's like a team and a production that we put on together as a team. So, Connie, there was something you mentioned earlier that you said you did hospice and something else. What is that something else? I teach courses at a volunteer Os Lifelong Learning Institute that's connected to the University. It's all volunteer teachers. I'm on the curriculum committee, and I also teach.
And, help other teachers create courses. If you have, like, a hundred and some courses every term. So it's really quite interesting. I'm in in charge of the personal development section of the catalog. Oh my god. Of course, you are. That's perfect fit for me. Yeah. For you. When you connect with spirit at this point, this is what spirit wants you to do. It's a way to be in a community, and you're give... I'm giving something.
I actually teach a course called living and aging solo for people without family, and how to have a a full life in this, after retirement? Beautiful. We do need to start to wrap up even though we have not there. It's still so much more with you, Connie you're just so full of I I think if people didn't know you and we're just listening, they would never guess we're talking to somebody who's retired. You you have the spirit of a... I don't know. I'm just gonna give an
age even though it's irrelevant. But, like, a 30 something. You've just got this youthful energy, and it seems to me like we've identified those pillars. It's the curiosity that always wanting to learn. It's the making sure you love what you do, and then it's the ability to see, hey, How do we how do We improve this? And those 3 just kind of keep you very engaged And it's quite quite a lovely model for those of us who haven't stepped into retirement yet. Or even just looking for a fulfilling
life no matter what chapter. Having the right goals, you know, the idea, the the whole thing about loving what you do and just go do it has been fabulous. Well, the just go do it is the interesting part because I think for you, just go do it is usually, spirit has a role in that. It's not just... I'm going into action it's like you said, spirit has delivered. Even before you knew to say it was spirit, spirit delivered. All your life probably. Yes. And
Yes. It did. Beautiful. Well, Connie, thank you so much for sharing for your presence for your fire. And your passion and your wisdom. And I feel so honored and lucky to be the person who's interviewing you, and I'm looking forward to staying in touch and continuing the conversations. Okay. Me too. Thank you for listening to our podcast. My name is Liza and Rossi. I'm the Ceo
and President of Hoffman Institute Foundation. And I'm Asking Rossi, Often teacher and founder of the Hop Institute Foundation. Our mission is to provide people greater access. To the wisdom and power of love. In themselves in each other and in the world. To find out more, please go to hop institute dot org.