- On this episode, Brit Lightning opens up about her journey into music and explores what music really means to her. She expresses how music has always been easier than words and dives into how her creativity and confidence have shifted post-process us. - Welcome to Love's Everyday Radius, a podcast brought to you by the Hoffman Institute. My name is Liz Severn and on this podcast we engage in conversation and learn from Hoffman graduates.
We'll dive deep into their journeys of self-discovery and explore how the process transformed their internal and external worlds. They share how their spirit and light now burn brighter in all directions of their lives, their loves everyday Radius. - Hello everyone. I am so excited because today we have Brit Lightning on our podcast. Hello. Thanks - For having me.
- Yes. I'm so excited to hear more about your story and I have so many questions for you, but I would love it if you introduced yourself to the listeners. Who is Brit Lightning? - All right. Well, career-wise, um, I play guitar and the Platinum selling all female rock band from the eighties vixen. And, uh, I go out on the road with them a lot and, uh, do a lot of, you know, shows and we're recording a new album and got a new music video coming out.
And, uh, I'm also the musical director for Rock and Roll Fantasy Camp, which is an experimental experiential music program that connects people with their musical heroes so they can live out their musical fantasies. - That is so rad. Well, and I mean, you, I just have to clarify like you are a legit rock and roll artist here. So how long have you been with Vixen? I have been with - Vixen almost seven years now. Um, I joined the band, uh, shortly after I moved out to Los Angeles from Boston.
- And then I'm curious, um, your name Brit Lightning. How long have you gone by that? - You know what, that's when I first started playing guitar. I decided I needed like this superhero name. I needed a different persona to embody and to get me outta my stage fright. At the time, I, I had started my own band. I had an an all female band as well, and this was like, yeah, end of high school and college. And I decided everybody should be named like after Elements.
And so I liked Lightning because, you know, it's bright, it's flashy, it's electric, it's fast. Everything I wanted in my guitar playing. And also I was struck by lightning once before through my TV at my parents' house - . So much symbolism. Okay, wait, so you started going by Brit Lightning in high school or end of high school? - Yes. Yes. And then I kind of took a break from it.
I played for a Latin artist and then I was like, I gotta grow up and, you know, just use my real name 'cause that's kind of silly. And my last name is Dero, which is means money in Spanish. So he thought that was cool anyways. But then when I joined Vixen, um, the girls were like, no way, - Lightning's awesome. We need - To bring back the lightning. You're Brit lightning to us. So, uh, it kind of came back .
- I love that. So Brit Lightning, well, take us back then to, I am always so fascinated by people that have this, you know, wildly successful career, whether it's in music or anything in the creative arts, but kind of where your passion for it all started. How old were you? Tell us a little bit about that. It - Was when I was about 15 that I discovered rock and roll. Before that I, you know, I played flute in the, the school band and stuff like that. And my parents were not really into music.
My dad had like one Hank Williams record, um, that he grew up with on a farm. And my mom was not really into music, she just like worked out to disco. Um, so I was never really introduced to like the Beatles or you know, the Beach Boys, any of the good classics.
And then one day we moved when I went to high school, and so I was like home appliance shopping or something with my mom, and we were in a store and I was so bored and this song that came over the, the speakers in the store just stood out to me so much and I didn't know what it was. My mom didn't know what it was, so I asked the workers there and they said, oh, that's Van Halen. And it just blew my mind. I didn't even know a guitar could sound like that.
And it just totally put me on this trajectory of like, that's what I wanna do. I wanna be able to play that. For whatever reason, I don't know. But I was just really focused on that. So I told my mom, well, I asked her, I said, since I've been running all these errands with you, will you take me to the music store so I can, um, buy a couple records after this? So I bought two Van Halen records and the rest was history.
I studied them and that was like my goal, my goal wasn't even to be in a band at the time necessarily, but it was to be able to play eruption that crazy Van Halen solo, that's really, that, that was like all I could think about at the time. - So from flute to wanting to play eruption by Van Halen, - Yeah, I realized like that eruption solo would sound way cooler on the guitar than the flute. So yeah, traded it in. - Well, so then did you, couple of records, did you jump in lessons?
Like how did it, how did that start? - So I, um, actually when we moved to this high school, I went to a Catholic private high school. And, um, they had no extracurricular programs, no music programs, no chorus, nothing like that. But one day I was staying after school and I heard a guitar sound and it kind of blew me away that I was hearing that in this school.
And so I followed it and one of the teachers had left his classroom open for a couple people to jam and they had little practice amps and there were like maybe four guys with guitars, electric guitars. And I was like, what is this? And they were like, oh, this is, this is Guitar club. And uh, they were like, do you play guitar? And I was like, like, well, no, no, but I want to. And they were like, well, then you can't come in .
And so the teacher followed me out actually out of the room when I was walking away and he said, Hey, what's the deal? Do you have a crush on one of these boys? Or, you know, do you really wanna learn how to play guitar? And I said, no, I'm very interested in guitar. Screw those boys. So anyways, he kind of helped me learn the basics, um, after school.
And then I eventually he convinced me to play in the liturgical music group where I could really practice the GC and chords that I had just learned on acoustic. And that happened every Wednesday at school. And I was not, I mean, I had a bat mitzvah, so I wasn't really into sitting through mass anyhow, so I was like, you mean to tell me I can, I can get up on this stage and practice my chords instead of sitting through this mass I'm in. So that was like my first gig .
And then after that I got an electric guitar. My, my parents were super supportive. Um, my dad took me shopping for my first guitar, although he, when I came out with the electric, he had assumed it was gonna be an acoustic for some reason. And, uh, he was like, I see the guitar, but what's that box? I was like, this is an amp. And uh, for some reason he just thought I was gonna play like Johnny Cash style stuff.
I was like, dad, I listen to Metallica, of course I need an amp and an electric guitar. And then shortly after that I, I, I became president of Guitar Club later on down the road. And, uh, from that I showed them. And then, um, we started, I started like doing a coffee house. We started a coffee house, um, once a month in our school cafeteria, which was pretty cool. And, um, and then from there, I, I started joining bands.
I joined my first band when I was testing out, uh, guitar Heads in, um, in a music store, local music store. And the store manager heard me playing Metallica and was like, Hey, our band sounds like Metallica and we're about to go on tour and we just lost our guitar player. Do you wanna be our new guitar player? And without asking any questions, I was just like, yep, . And I told my parents that night. Now - How old were - You?
I was senior in high school, so I was still in high school, however old you are then. Definitely not 21 . And, um, so I said, I'm going on tour for two weeks. And they were like, no, you're not, you're in school. What are you talking about? And I was like, no, I'm still gonna do the homework, don't worry about it. So like, these were all older guys in like their twenties.
They all came over my parents' house and they had to sit down with them and they, my parents were like, okay, these are the rules, like, you know, and explain everything that goes on here. And we jumped in a van and we did it. I can't believe my parents let me do it, but it was the best experience ever. And I just had that feeling of freedom and playing out in front of strangers and them telling you that you're actually good instead of your friends and family telling you that you're good.
You know, that made me think like, yeah, maybe I could really do this. Yeah. I just, I just loved it. I loved being on the road. I loved being away from everything, traveling, meeting new people, playing music, and I was just like, at that moment I knew that's what I wanted to do for the rest of my life. Well, - Yeah. We gotta back this up a little bit because you, you got interested, I'm thinking like, you got interested, you're 15, 16 years old, right?
Interested in the guitar and then boom, fast forward like a year, not even, maybe two years later you are just playing in a store and people are like, yeah, what is that? Do you wanna come on tour with us? So how did you as a teenager have the discipline to pick a new instrument up that, you know, from start and stick with it? Like what was it like to, what did it feel like to play that guitar that kept you going?
- It just transported me like to another universe, sort of like I was in my own world, I would just go in my bedroom and I would never leave. I would play all night long. Finally, my parents were like, you need to sleep, you know, you need to eat, you need to come out. Like, but after school I just, I didn't care about anything else. I just wanted to rush home to play guitar. I couldn't get enough of it. It was addicting and, and I could see the improvement when I put the time in.
So that was also encouraging. Yeah. - Where does your mind go when you're playing music? - Well, you just kind of forget about everything. I mean, you, it's like they have this term in sports and also it goes for music. The zone, you know, you, you, you just get in a zone and like , nothing else matters and you just forget any worries or troubles or things you have to do and you're like, I don't know. That's where I'm totally at peace and happy.
- Oh yeah. I love that. Well, and I, I often hear that sometimes it feels like you're channeling something, right? That flow state, whether it's bouncing off of other musicians or yourself. But do you have kind of any spiritual experiences with music? - Yeah, I had an out-of-body experience on stage once, and I've never had it again, but I, uh, got a gig for a big Latin artist Alejandro Sans.
And um, it was a big stadium tour and I was super nervous and I was like trying to learn Spanish fast and songs because half the band didn't even speak English. So we were learning the set, it was really hard and didn't have enough time to really work on it. So it was cramming stand up late and . Then like a week before the tour was supposed to start, they said, oh, we ended up getting another gig, but the album's not released yet, so we have to play the old tour set list.
So we have like two days to learn the, the set list from the last tour and get it good. And we have this big festival we're playing in Barcelona. And so then we were really all stressed out. I, I was just never more afraid to step on stage. I had cheat sheets and I was just thinking, I'm not gonna remember anything. How am I gonna do this? And I was so in my head like, all these negative thoughts were just like taking over my mind.
And somehow I even , this is kind of crazy, but I even reached out to my aunt who's a psychic and I, and I was like, can you read my cards? 'cause I don't think this is gonna go well. And uh, her reading said, I see yellow flowers and everything's gonna be fine. And that was it. So I step on stage and it was so beautiful. It was in this like, on the grounds of this old castle and it was overlooking the ocean on a cliff. It was like, it was like a painting, a fairytale painting.
And we just started playing and it just, it went by in two seconds. It was a two hour set and I, it felt like no time at all. I didn't look at my notes once and I felt like I was just like floating and like, I felt like somebody else was playing. 'cause I didn't even feel confident that I knew everything. But it, it was all perfect. I couldn't believe it. Anyways, the gig ends and we go back to the hotel.
When I go in my room, there's a big bouquet of yellow roses as a thank you and congrats on your first gig. And that's, you know, what my aunt had seen in the card. So she - Didn't send the flowers someone else had? - No, it was always from the, from the artist. From Alejandro, yeah. Oh - Wow. - Yeah, everybody that was new in the band got got flowers saying like, thanks, congrats, welcome to the tour. And mine were the only ones that were yellow - . Aw, yeah. That's a beautiful connection there.
- Yeah. But, but yeah, that outta body that was like super in the zone and super spiritual and I think it was just like a sign to me of like, you can do this. You don't need to overthink it. It's in you, you know, you don't need to, you, you put the time in whether you think you have or not, you know, I think we second guess ourselves a whole lot sometimes. And that was just proof. I just didn't even need to think and it just happened, worked.
- When you mentioned earlier as, I mean, and again this you, if we go back to you as a teenager and you mentioned stage fright, was that something that you dealt with or was it like, Nope, I got this, I'm going out. I'm 17, I'm on tour, let's go. - Well, when I started I had extreme stage right and um, I wouldn't even play in front of my parents. I would shut the door. So I didn't go into that guitar club and play in front of people for like a while.
And even like when I did those masses and played for the, you know, during that, the mass, I was freaked out. I was super nervous, my hands would sweat, like everything. I was always nervous. I was nervous for like giving presentations. Anything where I had to felt like I was in the spotlight or somebody was noticing me or paying attention to me, that freaked me out.
And so actually when we had one of our first coffee houses that I helped plan and put on for the high school, I made myself so sick worrying about it that I stayed home and I didn't go and I physically was sick to my stomach. Like , I've really created this whole thing in my mind about how I couldn't get out there and do it. And just sitting home and imagining what everybody else was doing there and how great it was and that I wasn't a part of it made me feel so low and so bad about myself.
I just like cried in my room and I was like, no screw up on stage or anything I could do would make me feel as bad as I feel in this moment right now. Because I just kind of, you know, flaked out, not flaked out, but I just took, I took the easy way out and that's just, there's nothing worse than that. So from that moment on, I was just like, you gotta go. So I would never felt confident getting on stage or doing anything like that, but I just forced myself to from that day on .
- Yeah. Well what are, what were some of the things that, I mean we kind of know it now after being through Hoffman, your dark side, right? What were some of the messages that your dark side would try to tempt you or taunt you with? - You know, you're not good enough, like you don't even belong on the stage.
Um, you know, girls can't play, you know, a lot of people say that they still do to this day it's kind of funny, you know, uh, you're gonna mess up, you know, you don't look cool enough, you don't look good enough to be on stage to be in a band. You're really not cool. It's all a front, you're a fraud. Um, sometimes I would just think of like one section of a song that was like tricky and I think about it the entire set until I got up to it.
And then if you like, focus on that negative thought, that negative thought is going to become a reality, so you will screw it up. Um, so it took me a long time to figure out how to not like focus on on that, um, and get over that. So yeah, we, we invent a whole bunch of stories that we tell ourselves and none of them are true. I'm sure nobody thought any of the thoughts that I thought, but I thought everybody was thinking that. Yeah. - Well and um, girls can't play right, absolute lie.
'cause I've heard you play and you're incredible. But prior to Vixen, you were also in another all female band, is that right? - Yes. I had my own band in Boston called Jaded. - And tell us more about that. - Yeah, we were a metal band and um, it was pretty cool. I, I met up with this great female drummer. She was, she's really amazing. And we found a manager and uh, we had a singer and we couldn't find a good bass player.
So I actually recruited my younger sister who played drums 'cause she learned to play drums. 'cause we wanted to jam together. I said, Abby, I know you're a great drummer, but we need a bass player so you have to play bass now . And so I made her learn bass and then we started doing really well, booking a lot of gigs and we were playing out like every weekend and getting gigs and clubs and, and bars and stuff like that.
And so my parents were like, okay, it's one thing if you go out, like we know you can handle it, but like now your younger sister is underage in a bar with you. Like, no. So they jumped on the bandwagon. My mom was actually so cool. She actually traded in a car. She had to get a bigger car to get a suburban so we could fit all the gear in one car. And my dad would drive and we'd all go down. My dad would help load the gear. He was like a roadie. And my mom started selling T-shirts.
She was the merch lady and everybody, everybody knew us as like the family band kind of a thing. And they were super supportive. And uh, I did that band for seven, maybe eight years. My sister didn't last the whole run of it. It wasn't for her, um, , which is totally fine and understandable, but it, it was really great. And we, we got a good following. We did some good recordings, we went overseas and stuff like that. And um, yeah, did that all through college.
And then finally I just, uh, reached a point where we were having issues with our lead singers. Like, I don't know, there's a lot of jealousy with boyfriends and husbands and things like that. And so it came time where we had to replace our lead singer again. And I was like, I've had enough.
Like I was, at that time I was managing the band and booking everything and writing songs and just like, I, I was burnt out basically trying to keep everybody happy and, you know, and it's hard when you're an original band, like just making money and everything like that as well. So, um, a friend of mine said, you know what, you should really just start thinking about being a gun for a hire where you can, where you can just play for another artist and you just show up and play guitar.
You don't have to worry about all those other things and you'll find the joy of playing guitar again. And I didn't even know that was an option. Like to me, I thought, I thought like bands like, you gotta be like a band family or like a gang and all for one-on-one for all. And like, I, I never thought about like just joining a bunch of other people that I didn't know and playing guitar for them. So it didn't seem as cool.
But I was like open to trying and then he was like, actually there's an open call. Lady Gaga's having an open audition in New York City next weekend, that should be your first audition. And I was like, okay, sounds cool. So I went to that and um, I, uh, yeah, I got the callback and I got the next callback and I was so surprised 'cause I didn't even really know that much of her material at the time. And it was definitely scary 'cause it was in front of like a bunch of people.
She was auditioning bass players, guitar players, drummers, dancers, backup singers. But then I ended up rehearsing with her band for a little while and it came down to me and this one other person. And at the end of the day I didn't get the gig and I, so I was so upset. I was just like, in this funk now. And I was like, well, maybe I'm just not good enough.
Maybe, you know, you know, looking back it's like, oh, so you didn't get the very first audition you tried to get, so you, you think you're, you're gonna like, you're gonna give up, you know? It's crazy. But that's how I thought at the time. Like, if I didn't get it, I'm, it's not for me. So then I kind of thought like, all right, maybe I should just open my mind and think about other career options.
And it wasn't until it, it was about, yeah, maybe thir four months or something like that after the audition. And I had committed to working an office job kind of a thing. And I wasn't happy of course, but I was just trying to just be normal and just not have a life as a musician and, you know, appease my parents, whatever. And I got a call for another gig and it was for that Alejandro Sons, that Latin gig I was telling you about earlier. And it was for a huge world tour.
It was like a three year world tour playing stadiums and stuff like that. And um, and I did get that gig and it was from somebody that saw me at that audition. So I realized at that moment that there's a way to get from point A to point B, but there's many ways, there's not just one direct way. And even though that's the one direct easy way, you know, you have to take scenic roots and there's detours and all sorts of things that come up.
But yeah, I think if it's in your heart and you know, and you really want it, life finds a way to kind of bring things to you. - Well, I'm curious to hear more about being a female and being a musician in that world because I, I know that jaded was an all female band and now you play with vixen and all female band. So what is the, um, what does that mean for you and the significance of that? - Yeah, I love playing with all women. I just think it, it's like having a group of sisters.
Like with Vixen, it's like every show is like a big slumber party. Like we hang out in each other's rooms after the show. We drink wine, we like have a good time. We talk about boys, it's just like a girls club and it's so fun and there's no weird, like sexual tension or somebody kind of thinking they're better. There's no egos. It's like, it's just, I don't know, everybody's just cool and I love that. So it can be all about the music, you know? Yeah.
I, I don't know what it is, but I think in any industry when you mix gender sometimes there's just some other dynamic that comes just 'cause we're human. I don't know what it is, but I love just not having that and just, um, we're like a cool girl gang and we're very supportive of each other and very encouraging and you know, if somebody wants to talk about their feelings, it's okay, you know? Um, in, in some like situations with guys, you might not feel comfortable doing that.
So I don't know, we get along great and we just, it's genuine and it's authentic. We have a great time and I think that comes across a lot on stage. - Yeah. Well, and then if we fast forward, I know that you, um, the process came recommended to you, but what was coming up in your life that made a, the process feel like the right next thing and yeah. What, what made you take that leap? - Yeah, I was feeling a little stuck. Everything was just kind of a, I don't know, everything was going fine.
Um, you know, work with rock camp and the band and everything, but I was feeling stifled creatively. Um, I wasn't really motivated to come up with any new ideas or songs or, or riffs or I just wasn't feeling creative. And then also like, I don't know, I wasn't feeling great about myself. I had just ended a relationship that ended weird and it wasn't a good one. And I was like, what am I doing with my life? I just kind of had this moment where I was like, what am I doing?
This can't be it, you know? I don't know, I just, I just felt stuck, completely stuck. And then I had just had a birthday, so I'm like, oh, just thinking about like, oh my God, like when am I gonna grow up and like, figure out life and, and you know, that kind of a vibe and right at that time, yeah, it was really recommended to me. And I also never have time off, like, from being on the road and like consecutive days that I can, I can take.
And I had this window and it was open and I was like, screw it. Let's, let's do this. I'm, I'm in. - I love when those things line up. Right? You sign up, it's like the time off. You get all your stuff in, you land there. Well, take us to the first day. What was it like landing in those chairs? First day, - Oh my god, I was so nervous. . Um, I didn't really know what to expect.
I mean, I had done my research and stuff like that, but I was seriously nervous because, and then people that had gone through the process that I had talked to didn't really gimme much detail. Every, everybody I talked to was super vague and that made me nervous. I was like, why is everybody so vague about this? Like, what, what are they hiding or what, what shouldn't I know about? And um, it's just that it's not that at all. I realize it's just, yeah, people don't wanna spoil it.
It's something for you to go through personally. So I was super nervous, but I met a lot of great people right away. As soon as I walked in, well actually I was walking the grounds first, um, the trails and stuff like that. And I met, uh, I met one student and um, and she was awesome. And, and then when I got in the classroom, I sat next to somebody that became my partner. That was really cool. And we all shared the same fears is what I realized.
So I felt much better 'cause I was like, am I the only one that doesn't, doesn't really know what's going on here? But everybody was in the same boat, everybody was anxious. And then when I met you and the other teachers, I was like, wow, these people are, this is cool. This is gonna be good. So I got into it right away. The fear kind of dissipated immediately, you know, after just meeting a couple people
and, and, and getting the vibe. And - When's a moment other than feeling comfortable, right? Kind of from the start, once you see other people, but when's a moment in the process that, uh, really landed for you of like, this is what I need? - Well, the quadri check really resonated with me right off, off the bat. Just the separating of the, of your own personal elements. Like you, you know, your emotional self, your intellect, your body, and your spiritual self.
And so I had never really broken things down like that. You know, sometimes you, you realize you have these patterns and you don't know why, uh, you are urged to do something or react this way or what's triggering you. And just the breaking up of yourself really helped me so much to visualize the different components and how they work together and how they can fight against each other sometimes. Two.
- I'm curious, do you feel like all parts of your quad are present when you're playing guitar or one takes more over than the others? - Yeah, definitely. The intellect goes away. And so I'm not even thinking. And that's, I think, part of what it means to be in the zone, you know? 'cause your brain is like, you're not overthinking finally for once . Yeah. I don't really think of my body in that sense either.
I think I'm really just more in the emotional, creative self of just being kind of like going back to the child idea of, and you're in like this state of like play and it's like you are not thinking about anything else. You're not thinking about bills you have to pay or anything like that. That never enters my mind when I'm on stage. - Yeah. What? And I just, I love thinking about that, right? The emotional child really expressing itself through music. It's powerful,
- Right? Yeah. Yeah. - Do you find that emotions come and go as you're playing? - Yeah, definitely. Certain songs will bring that out. Certain moments, certain energy that you get from the crowd. It's all energy. That, that's, that's the main thing about, you know, being on stage. Yeah, it's like a transference of energy. I'm giving out so much of my energy and, and the people in the crowd are giving their energy all back to me.
And then the energy that we share with each other, all the other band mates on stage is really important too. And if there's bad energy going on, it totally affects the performance. I mean, I don't know if anybody would notice, but like for me it totally affects it, you know, if there's a weird vibe or something like that, it's just not as like a happy zone place, you know? It's just so energy is huge and, and and being comfortable.
And I started meditating actually when I got that, um, Latin tour because I had never played stadiums before and I was definitely nervous, you know? And so I had to really work on, on just calming myself down and stuff like that. And breathing and thinking positive thoughts and, and getting negative ones outta my head. 'cause that was, that can ruin you. 'cause everything's, it's mind over matter. But what I learned at Hoffman was about the, the spiritual self. I didn't really think about that.
One of the, the talk said, you know, envision your spiritual self. What, what does she look like? And so I envision this, it's me, but I'm like this perfect goddess, um, wearing this flowy white outfit. It's the same every time. I always see it and just like glowing, you know, just perfection. Everything in my mind that I think is, is perfection and pure and, and good.
Now when I, when I make decisions sometimes, you know, I think, how can I let myself do that if I wouldn't let my spiritual self do that? My spiritual goddess, like if it's not good enough for her, she's me. So it's not good enough for me. So no, I'm not gonna, you know, no, I don't need to eat another piece of cake. Like she does it, she wouldn't do that.
Or I don't need to go out with this guy who's just, I know he is not good enough just 'cause I'm bored 'cause I wouldn't set her up with him, you know? So I, that really kinda helped me in my judgment and decision making a lot. - Absolutely. I love that imagery. What would your spiritual self or your spiritual goddess, you know, what's in her best interest? I love that, right? - Because you can, you can make bad decisions for yourself all day long.
'cause you think like, ah, who cares? Like, I don't care. I don't care if I get hurt, I don't care about this or that. But you wouldn't give like your best friend advice like that, you know, sometimes you give all this advice but you don't take it yourself. So having the spiritual goddess as like, kind of like a friend, but it's actually myself. Yeah. It's, it's really helped me. - And then in terms of, I'm curious about expression.
We talk a lot about that at the process and as someone that expresses themself through music, how was expression for you at the process? - Process? Okay. That was big for me because I don't know, I communicate a lot. I talk a lot with work and everything, but I play guitar because it's easier for me than speaking. Music is easier than words. You know, I've, I always kinda am very self-conscious of my singing and anything vocal.
And so I had a lot of trouble vocally expressing myself in the process. And it wasn't until the last day that I really got to that point where I could really yeah. Express myself and say, and make the sounds of how I was feeling, which was huge. And I kind of knew that about myself. I, I had done like, you know, I've done chakra clearings and things like that and they're always like, your throat chakra is, is clogged. That's always the one that I knew I needed to work on.
And I realized it was just from like these deep, long ago comments and things like that, that were said or, or that, you know, happened when your child or younger and you just, you think you forget everything and you probably do, but subconsciously you're holding onto it and it's just there like all these doubts and negativity in the back of your mind thinking that you're, you just can't express yourself or your words aren't good enough or nobody cares or you know, nobody wants to hear you
or your voice isn't important. So these - Are all kind of beliefs you're saying that you were having. And then as the process, as the days went on, you were playing around with expression and releasing it, but it wasn't until the last day - Exactly that I wasn't, I I I was uncovering all that and then it wasn't until the last day that I was actually able to really loudly expressively use my voice. Mm. - What did that feel like? - Powerful and freeing.
- Yeah. Has it translated to any change in how you are today as a, as a musician or in front of crowds? - More so in my personal life, you know, like sometimes I'd be afraid to just speak up like, oh, this, this accommodation isn't good enough. Well I'll just deal with it. No, I'm actually gonna tell somebody that, no, this, this doesn't work for me. I just, just, I'd kind of be like too nice about things and I am just able to be way more direct now and, and, and tell people how I'm feeling.
And I'm not embarrassed or worried about how they're gonna react if I tell somebody how I'm feeling, like, no, this is it. No further questions. Like, this is how I'm feeling and I'm, I'm expressing it. This is what I think and I'm expressing it. I'm not gonna like beat around the bush or kind of just let my myself not be considered. - And then if we, I you something I even had to make a note of it because you, it was so beautiful. You said music is easier than words.
What is, what does music mean to you? - Ooh, . Well, you know, it's a universal language. It's something that doesn't have to do with age or geographic location, ethnicity. It's just the most like common ground thing I think that we have in the world, you know, one of them at least. And it just brings people together. It makes people happy. It makes people feel emotion.
Like if you can't, if you're kind of feeling like you can't feel something one day and you listen to a really sad song that could really make you feel something or you know, an upbeat awesome song can really just change your day, you know? And it's always there . It's like, I don't know, for me music is like the most amazing thing. And when you, when you feel something and you can't express it and you don't know what it is, if you can play an instrument, you can get it out that way.
And it's a way to emote for me. - Yeah, goosebumps. 'cause it's your way of emoting. It's beautiful. Has your journey or your relationship with music and the guitar evolved throughout your career or as you've gotten older? - It has. I used to , no joke. My, I would like put my guitar in bed with me. Like I wanted to be near it all the time. I thought that like our energies had to be like, connected always.
When my parents would say we're going on like a family trip, I would like have a breakdown. If I couldn't bring the guitar, I would bring it in the back of cars on road trips. I would, it was with me constantly and I felt like I was gonna, I was just always afraid that I was gonna lose everything if I didn't have it and I couldn't practice. Like, so this is when I, he was younger and was just practiced eight hours a day as many day as much as possible.
And now, I mean, I have other responsibilities. Like I have my own bills to pay. I have other things to do as an adult and other interests too. So like, I don't wanna be stuck inside playing guitar for eight hours a day anymore. You know, I like to get outside, I like to hike, I like to meet with friends. I like to cook or do other things. You know, sometimes I feel guilty like, oh my God, I don't practice enough anymore. Like I could be so much better if I, if I spent more time like I used to.
But you know, life is about phases and, and that's natural. And um, I don't feel like I have to practice to play guitar anymore. Like I just know I have it in me like I've been doing, it's been with me my whole life. So I have this security now and confidence of just knowing like, yeah, if if I don't play for a whole week, I'm totally, totally fine. Like, nothing's gonna happen. Like, I'm not gonna forget how to play. Well.
- And fast forwarding to present day post-process, what are some of the ways in which, you know, the process lives on in you? That it wasn't just something that you did, but that there's these threads of, of reminders of it. - Yeah. Well, so right after the process I went to play a rock cruise like the very next day. And I was so worried that, oh God, all the work that I had just done in this process is, is gonna go out the window because I'm not gonna have the time to practice it.
'cause this cruise is gonna be nuts, it's gonna be busy. And I'm, I got a lot of work. And when I got on stage for the first show on the cruise, we had been off for a few months 'cause it was the holidays and stuff. And so normally I'd be kind of like nervous and wanting to run the set a bunch of times just to make sure I didn't forget anything, knock the dust off. And I just didn't, I was just so confident and I didn't let any of those negative thoughts in my head.
And I wasn't even really aware that I wasn't thinking that till I got on the stage and just felt like, this is so fun and easy and I feel so confident. And I hadn't felt that way on stage actually in a long time. 'cause as I mentioned before, the process, I was in like a funk, so I wasn't really feeling in my power basically. And when I stepped on stage, I felt like I had stepped into my power and I had no second guessings of anything. No other weird thoughts came in my mind.
And I was just calm, very calm. And I usually like to, you know, have a drink before I go on stage to like, I don't know, just shake off the nerves or just, you know, get in the zone a bit that way. And I didn't even do that. And I was just like, I feel good. I don't need anything. It's all within me. And that has stayed with me since. And I just, I notice a, a real difference between my stature and how I feel inside.
- You say it's all within me, you mean kind of your power or tell us more about that. - Like everything, all, all the tools that you think you need to do something. Well it's, it's all in you. Like, you know, I don't need to do something to prepare. I don't need to, you know, I, I've done, my whole life has been the preparation up to this moment. So I'm very prepared to be here, standing here in this moment right now, doing what I do. And I don't need to second guess myself.
I don't need to worry. The work has been done and - I, I hear this thread of just deep self-trust, right? You've been a guitar player your whole life. If you take a week off, you're fine. Does that kinda live in you now in a different way? - Yeah, well, 'cause I didn't always feel that way. I didn't trust myself. I didn't trust my voice like I was saying earlier, I didn't, you know, trust that it was strong enough to be spoken out. You know, I had some doubts about self-love.
I wasn't fully, you know, loving myself or feeling my worth. So all those were main things that I wanted to work out in the process, which I did. - I'm interested to hear a little bit about how the process has shifted your relationship with creativity or your creative process. - Yeah. Well as I mentioned, I had been feeling stuck creatively. And when I got home after the process and after the cruise, I sat down and just started to play and riffs were just flowing out of me.
I, I, that sounds ridiculous, but it really was. And I hadn't had that in so long. So there was a block that was released and I even recorded something and sent it right away to my drummer who's hard to please. And, uh, she liked it right away and I couldn't, I was like, wow. First try for her. That's, that's impressive. You know, I, I started playing along to the songs but changing up the solos and adding new things and, and just veering away from like the safe zone. And it was all great.
Like, it's, it's all been flowing and I've been motivated and inspired and I've been writing a lot since the process. And I seriously hadn't written yeah, since like 2020. I feel like before that, like, I started writing during the pandemic and then kind of stopped and so it's flowing. It's flowing now. So I'm super excited about that. - Anna, is there something that you appreciate about those moments of creation of, you know, playing alone by yourself versus playing in front of a crowd?
- Oh yeah. I mean, 'cause that's where you can really grow because you can try things and mess up and not, not worry about, you know, affecting a public performance. Yeah. That's where you can really experiment and see what your soul is telling you to play. You know, like just see what comes out. 'cause there's no consequences when you're playing by yourself.
And another thing that I noticed talking about those negative thoughts that come in that can impact your creativity because you've, you've, you know, you're too self-critical tracing the patterns in the process really made it clear what those were and why they were coming into my head. And for example, sometimes one of my dark side thoughts is just like, like I said, you're not good enough. And so that, and it's being critical of myself and why am I critical of myself?
And I was able to trace that pattern back, like my parents are very critical of, of others, and maybe of me when I was growing up and judgemental a little bit and stuff like that. And you learn to trace that back to their parents. Well why was my mother like that? Why is she critical? And then when you think back and, and trace it all and, and look at her family and her childhood, it all makes sense. And you, you get this compassion and understanding of where this all came from.
And then you realize, yes, those judgments and criticisms were projected on me, but that's not me. And that that's not even my mom. That it's not anything. It's just like this pattern that was passed down. And to not take things personally and to forgive yourself and forgive anybody that has projected things on you and to realize that's not you and it doesn't exist. So that, that has helped me so much. And I, and I think that has allowed me to be more creative because I've released all that.
I've released that you're not, you know, you're not good enough thoughts and, and when you don't have those, you realize , you know, there's nothing standing in your way. We're really the only things that stand in our way, our own thoughts, you know? - Yeah, absolutely. And, and patterns and empower impacts creativity. It's just all related. Right? Once we free ourselves from those patterns, it becomes limitless. - Exactly. The mind is so powerful and it can keep you from doing things
or it can make you accomplish impossible things. Well, - Thinking back and hearing on your story, you have accomplished a ton of what I would say impossible things. So I am very inspired just by your just resiliency and your determination to follow your passion, follow your spirit, your light. - Thank you. Yeah. You know, we've only got one life, so you gotta make it count. And I realized, you know, you can't, you can't depend on making other people happy either.
Like you, you have to live life for you or else you'll just regret it. And , you can't regret the one life you have. Well, - Thank you so much Britt, for talking and sharing so intimately with us today. - Thank you so much for having me. - Thank you for listening to our podcast. My name is Liza Insi. I'm the CEO and President of Hoffman Institute Foundation. - And I'm Razin Rossi Hoffman, teacher and founder of the Hoffman Institute Foundation.
- Our mission is to provide people greater access to the wisdom and power of love - In themselves, in each other, and in the world. To find out more, please go to Hoffman institute org.