Alright, friends. Here's what I'm going to tell you. In this interview, you're gonna learn about something called the yoda code. That's right, Yoda, Y0DA. It stands for your own decision advisor. And the good news is that it lives inside of each 1 of us. This concept comes from my guest, doctor Sheila, this book called wise decisions.
Not only is this book 1 that we shall all have on our shelves and in our hearts, but her journey is when that leaves you inspired in profound ways, and you really get to see how her own yield code has helped her navigate decisions and crossroads in her personal life. I just want to note that this conversation does make reference to child set abuse and may not be suitable for all audiences. Welcome to Loves everyday radius. A podcast brought to you by the Hoffman Institute.
My name is Sharon Moore, and I'm 1 of your hosts. And on this podcast, we talked to hoffman graduates about how their courageous journey inward. Impacted their personal lives, but also how it impacted their community and the world at large. So tune in and listen in and hear how our graduates authentic selves, how their love, how their spirits are making a positive impact on our world today. In other words, get to know their loves everyday radius. Alright, Sheila, welcome to the show. It is
delightful to be here, Sharon. And thank you for inviting me on. Okay. So let's talk about the process. When did you take the process and what was going on in your life that led you to take the process? It was January of 20 19 that I took the process? And what led me into it. I mean, this
is just right at my alley. I love these kinds of, experiences that take us out of our comfort zone in a deep way, and I'd heard about it through a handful of friends who had gone through it. 1 was my dear friend, my sole mom, Joan Bo, who went through the process many moons ago, and she's written the forward of a the book on the hop process. And Joan as we were driving up to White Sulphur Springs said Sheila, leave your science hat in the car. Just leave it in the car, because I... You
know, I... I'm a scientist. I approached things through the lens of trying to figure out how I work and trying to kinda unpack them and I feel a bit skeptical and and this and that just she's was just like, just go be open. Go. And it was great advice. That's how I came to the process. I'd known at that 0.5 people who had been through it and for each of them that was a transformative experience.
And was there a moment for you in the process that when you look back, oh, there's the pivotal moment or oh, that was a magical moment that I still think about when I think about my process. If there wasn't 1 specific pivotal moment. There are lots of pivotal moments where things just sort of hit me, like a tidal wave or something big opened up inside of me or moved
or cracked open. It was a series of things, but I think the kind of connective tissue between all of those experiences was just integrative of myself, with the universe, you know, opening up my essential self and reconnecting with my essential self and because of that energy that can only come about under certain circumstances and I were in this beautiful place in nature and everyone was open and talking about their experience and everyone was very vulnerable. It allowed me to tap into
a more vulnerable part of myself. That I was so grateful for because it just felt fundamentally expansive. And the the other major thing that I noticed was just the... Know, when you come together with 40 people at the beginning of the process, and Kinda looked around
the world mike. I wonder who I'm gonna have things in common with and who I'm not gonna have things in common with, and, just kind of trying to fence all those things out based on a couple of comments somebody makes or the energy they have or, you know, what they look like or whatever. Any element of it. And by the end, all those things that tend to make us different from 1 another, just slid away, and we're were all kind of 1 big 1 big organism and it was really, really lovely.
And there was 1 point that I remember, there's... But we're were all around the circle, and we're all kind of beating to a beating to our own drummer, and we came together as a kind of a village and started to beat the same drum, and it was rhythm exercise, And what when I was... I thought it was so magical how we all came together just completely randomly. And apparently, that happens every time, And I think that was a good metaphor for the process in terms of the other people and how
we integrate it together. Even though I don't I don't really staying... A couple of people I stayed in touch with for per while, and I feel very comfortable reaching back out to. But I still feel like each person in that process is just a part of my soul and we'll be forever. And if we got together wherever whenever, we just pick it right back up with 1 another. I love that. I actually heard your smile as you were talking about that
moment when you're in the village. And I was smiling ear to ear hearing it because I know exactly the moment you're talking about, and it is so magical both to be in it like you, but also to witness it, like, I often do, and it's it's really, really a special moment. Really a special moment. I'm curious. You you mentioned being open and vulnerable, and also that was what Jones said to you in the beginning like, hey, take your scientists. Hat off and and be open.
Was it hard for you to do that or or were you able to from the very beginning just be in an open place? It's No. It's kind of a relief actually. Which is what. Gary I am. I got my journals. I got... You know, I got... I've got nature. I've got... If everything was very simple, the food was really good. And I, again, I felt surrounded by, kindness and expertise are the Hoffman teachers are all... You know, it's a heavy duty process to become a hoffman teacher. You gotta be
good. And you gotta know your stuff and gotta have the certain set of attributes, but it was... I just felt held in this profound way the entire time and it was nice to just... I I thought how Not gonna exercise for a week? How I not gonna do this for a week? I'm not gonna do that for a week, but you know, letting go of technology, letting go of the outside world, letting go of all that stuff to just be here now. It really was a gift and a...
I felt that, right away. But as, you know, it I didn't... I couldn't just drop right into it on day 1. It took a couple of days, and then it was it was just profound all of it. Are there a ways... So this was in January of 20 19. We're in mid 20 23, are there ways that you see that this still lives in your life today? I think there's a felt sense. You know, this there's... Epi
shifts that went on during the process. And afterward, in, you know, connecting with my wholesale self, my intellectual and my adult self, my child, the playful, my emotional self. I found the structure, very helpful in terms of helping me think about each 1 as parts of me, but also parts me that not only require but deserve
airtime, and I'm someone who... I've got to remind myself to play and kinda remind myself to give myself free time and just knowing that that is, you know, in terms of a formula for longevity and joy and to things that are important in life. Those things are really important. So I continue to remind myself on the the emotional side of things so really,
connecting with my emotions. I think I talked about this beforehand, but get out of my head and into my heart because that is an really, really important part of the dataset for me and making decisions and and deciding how I wanna conduct my daily life. So I'd say that that kind of breakdown of where I am. Those different elements of myself continue to be very informative to help me think and feel differently so I can bring my whole self into my day.
Yeah. And you live a very purpose driven life and so to know that you you kind of take a time out and make sure you're out of your head into your heart, all aspects or you are there and boom then you show up for this purposeful life you're living, That's that's an important combination to have. Yep.
It takes the whole self to be able to... I think to to be the very best that we can be to be our whole selves nut only in terms of fulfilling whatever our purpose is but being present for ourselves and the people that we love in our lives, you know, those are all as important. I'd say you the most important is really showing up for the people in our lives also because that's the that driver for every, you know, for everything else. And, to show for the people in our lives, we had
to show for ourselves. Wise words right there? How would you define your life's purpose? Oh, I just love... I love these kinds of big, big, broad and deep questions. My life's purpose. I think... In terms of me personally, it's something that I've found my way into over time, following the crumbs of what life has brought for me in terms of different experiences to land on something that I feel is just bigger than me where I can really have unique impact and grow and learn and help you leave
our world in a better place. Hopefully, in my own unique way, than how I found it. And so I, you know, I'm happy to dive into what this is, but I will say, I think this is the most important part is purpose isn't and something that we kinda go out and find. I think we think about... We are having a conversation yesterday, Me in this group of wonderful people I work with youth Performance Institute. Around articulating to young people, what purpose is? Because it's a pretty head concept
for people of any age agent stage. But purpose is not something that's sort out there, and we just gotta go find it. Gotta go out, you know, take a left and then a right and then a left and then goes straight for a long time and there it is. It's a process of a in an integrated way to, the emotional, the spiritual, the physical, the psychological, sensing what that purpose is over time and then leading into it. It's a discovery process.
And we can cultivate and create our purpose over time, and it doesn't have to be just 1. There are different stages in life that we go through. So. But my purpose right now is helping make, youth sports safer and better, and a more positive experience for young people. I'm a behavioral geneticist.
My academic work. This is my... Really my third career, But my academic worked looked at nature nurture and behavior, I worked in a big twin study did my Phd on the Twins early development study in London. And we know that nurture shapes nature over time we're constantly involving work in process.
And I'm also an athlete, a first generation American and all the good things that I learned across life came through sports, but I also had a traumatic experience with my coach as a teenager, and That really shaped my life in a profound way. And so with my science fact crown and my passion for sports. I still play competitive tennis. I love it. I still play competitively, but I play really for crown mental health and to stay active and all the things that it gives me.
But for young people, sports is such an extraordinary developmental context and tennis and other sports too, And so my aim is to really in the ways that I can make sports safer.
And better help educate coaches and develop coaches who approach the sport experience as whole child educators so that hopefully, more young people, especially those who need it most, underserved children, and and we, you know, we had no resources growing either, and it's just really helping them get the best start in life possible. I've gone on for a bit, But if this is the 1 last thing I wanna say on this topic, which is that childhood adolescents or what are called sensitive periods in
development where new experiences matter more. They're stickier in the brain and the body. These were where habits are formed, mindset, behaviors that sort of fly under the the radar of conscious awareness. And so It makes this period of time, these chapters in life, more important for for positive experiences. And when kids... Have and negative experiences too.
These things tend to be stickier. And when kids are active early on have positive experiences, fun experiences where they're challenged and they grow and they learn and they develop, and they have, you know, a positive relationship with their coach. This all embed at a deep mind body level around the feeling of what it's like to be active to be physically active. They are generating exercise biochemistry every day, positive for mood and creativity and everything you
measure. And so part of creating a healthier, happier, more productive, it's society is investing in sports to help create positive experience of for young people early on, great coaches. So that physical activity is just a go to for them, just a something in their toolkit that they go to when they are feeling down when they're feeling up when they're feeling sideways and when they wanna generate some creative brain chemistry. It is just to go to.
It's just in their tool it's just what they do every day. So... How's that for an answer? Oh, I have so many... Like, everything in me buzzing, but I'm gonna go with what you just said and we'll go back. To some of the beautiful points you made. But this concept of them being active and what it does on a biological scale Do you think it also not just does a teach in the habit of being active? But do you think there's also an element of trust? There is this positive coach
relationship that's in there as well. This is somebody... Who sees their potential who knows how to support, but also challenge them who sees them for exactly who they are. So is there that aspect as well Oh, that's a massive part of it. In built into the athlete coach relationship is this implicit trust. And for many young people, this is certainly the case when I was a teenager, you know, my coach was the most important person of my life, I trusted him implicitly
in coach athlete relationships. Particularly as you get to the competitive level. These are deeply emotional relationships where a young athlete places, sort of blind trust in their coach to make the right decisions for them and help them make decisions. There's this presumption that everything is done with their best interest in mind. And most of the times, this is absolutely true, but sometimes it's not. And when it's not, it can cause massive damage in a
lasting way because the body remembers everything. There's this wonderful book Be van Coke, Harvard professor Wrote called the body keeps the score, and, you know, we don't we don't just forget hard things that happen. We remember them. And if we don't remember them in our minds, we remember them in our bodies, there's a whole another conversation, but trust is central to the coach athlete relationship and the coach Athlete relationship is central to kids having fun
and staying engaged and engagement is the... That's a secret sauce to, you know, sport persistence to saying active in sports. It's not fun. Kids don't stay with it. Are lots of other, you know, potential activities. So that positive relationships with coaches that are trusting and safe, nurturing consistent and and yet and also challenging
because kids wanna grow. These are these are term developmental relationships and the science literature, developmental relationships are those those that really help young people grow into the very best versions of themselves. Yeah. And I, you know, you drew the parallel of investing in our youth. Your vehicle of choices through activity and sports, but investing in our
youth general is investing in our society. When I hear this, I think, How much are we lacking trust today in our society and to think of a world that these youth become our adults? And our decision makers and our leaders, and they actually know how to trust other human beings. That's a big deal. That's a big deal. This is wonderful quote. Don't worry that your child isn't listening to you. Worry that they're always watching you. And we taken so much more from
sensing. What's happening around us, and there can be cognitive dissonance is kind of disconnect. You know, an adult is saying 1 thing in doing another, the roots of trust and the roots of trusted human connection, respect a feeling of safety, emotional safety, physical safety, psychological safety. These are all rooted in these relationships that young people have early on in life, and it helps them create a set of boundaries around. What's proper? What's improper?
What's okay. What's not okay? So yes to all you say because these are a rising generation. These are the the people who are gonna be making decisions. In the years to come. They're gonna be shaping our policies, shaping what we invest in how we invest in in our world and our our society and our society needs trust and human connection and the ability to listen to 1 another in a way that it's not personal that's not threatening. So we can really come up with solutions collectively.
We need that more than we ever have before. And I think sports is are really under underutilized vehicle for developing, threatening a lot of those things that, you know, are measurable in life. They don't necessarily show up in a in a young person's grades or anything along those lines. It's about the the people are growing. And so this is interesting because you you first mentioned, you know, I have put together the bread breadcrumbs of what my life has brought me. And
this is a perfect expression of that. You are a competitive athlete. You play tennis. And here now you work with you who are... Involved in sports or even who aren't involved in sports and you make it attractive and fun and engaging for them, knowing that this will help them become these members of our society that we hope to have in our future. How did you even start your love of tennis when you were young Well, when I was a little girl, we moved
to boulder. My dad did his Phd and biochemistry Northwestern, and we moved to boulder when I was... 5, and my dad was... We lived in faculty housing and right above up the hill was the Rec center, and a tennis courts were outside the Rec center. And my parents both plates. So we used to track up there on weekends, I would bring up a jug, like a coleman jug of lemonade and sell lemonade to the cotton thirsty tennis players for a nickel cup, And I... Guess
that's where. I first got out on the court and hit some balls around, but not very seriously just kind of goof around. But then when I was 8, we moved to South Africa where my dad is from. And in Pro, I was 8 years old. Was my first experience of feeling really like a stranger and a strange land. They spoke English, but it
wasn't like American English. There were different m and rules, and it was a apartheid, you know, going from Boulder, Colorado to Port South Africa in 19 73 was a complete shift. And it was hard. I'm an energy person. So I I remember it just trying hard to assimilate. I was a good student. I worked hard, but it was kind of hard. Energy and not a happy place in lots of different ways. It was hard to assimilate. And so my mom got me
after school out onto the tennis court. They joined a club called the sunny side Tennis Club, and I decided I was gonna learn how to play tennis I got on my bike after school every day and rode over to the Sunny site Tennis Club, and I had a wonderful coach named Sheila Evans. She was a very good player. She won the National hardcore here in the United States several times, but she had had a accent riding a horse when she was young, and she had to play with 2 hands on both sides,
and it was... And she was an an amazing player, but she was an amazing coach, and she help me, you know, it was that that sense of competence confidence sidebar here, but there's a researcher at G w, Milk School of public health named Amanda Visa Who... I think is 1 of the most important, psychologist in in sports today in youth sports, particularly, her investigation is all around what makes sports fun
for kids. And it's not, like chasing butterflies and goof around and being silly There's some... You know, there's some of that, but it really is around working hard, being challenged, building mental skills, growing learning, relationship with coach, these things that make us feel from the inside, like metaphor trophy case on the inside, a sense of competence. And Sheila Evans did that for me. From a good athlete. I have good hand eye coordination, just love hitting a tennis bowl, and I
got better. I got better really quickly because I went out practice and it was... I played with anybody who would play with me, and I still kinda do. But that was the beginning of it. I won my first tournament before I moved back to the United States when I was 11 years old, but more than anything else...
The feeling of being on the tennis court in South Africa was for me a sense of home and a sense of grounding more so than my home, even was my home is a perfectly safe place, but there is something special about being a tennis scored. I still have that same feeling today wherever I play. I step on the tennis court. I just... There's there's something that just kinda calms down in me. That's how Fell love with tennis. It's much bigger than just the
sport itself. What's interesting because, you know, in in your list of what makes sports fun for kids. The word challenge was in there, and I wonder maybe you know this from a scientific perspective, but, you know, sometimes challenge might propel the negative internal dialogue that we have. Versus push us to try harder. Are are you able to speak to that? Oh, big ton.
I mean, is 1 of the things that's wrong with sports today with youth sports it particularly is this ex kind of a push down of you've got a win and what that means about an individual person's value if they don't win. Winning losing college scholarships, trophies. When I talk about challenge in and the way Amanda, who was a friend and colleague talks about challenges, It's more an intrinsically motivated challenge. We're getting
better from the inside out. Extraordinary happens. We put human being first and athlete second or human being first. Performer second, whatever context. And so the only lasting way to achieve is to have the gas come from the inside for sustainability, ex motivator die out And so I think that intrinsic versus ex distinction on, you, the metric of challenge. Is a really, really important differentiator.
We have our own internal scorecard of how we're doing and performing knowing on the inside of us, what those things are that we're really trying to aspire to is much more important than anything that happens on the outside, you know, I make when a tournament went a trophy, but then back on the court again the next week and got another tournament coming up and it's really about the process of, you know, the human being that we become in the process of becoming an athlete
at whatever level, whether it's recreational or competitive, it's about who we become in the process of evolving into an athlete. And what we do with that in our in our broader lives because that's really what it's all about. So what what strikes me, Sheila, and you mentioned that this is your third career, and I can't help but notice that, you know, you could have had the option of laser focusing on tennis and tennis only, and that's my thing, and that's
my identity. And I'm gonna be Olympic or whatever is the top of the top of the top for you. And yet at 1 point in your life, you decided to switch gears, not letting go of tennis, but using that as a language or as a motivator to start to have a larger impact on the world. And I'm curious what it was for you that guided you to switch from this individual experience of being the top athlete to. Okay. What can I do here? Is to impact the world and leave it better than
when I left it. Well, thank you for the question. The guiding force was nothing I could have ever anticipated, But it it really came back to my experience as a 15 year old tennis player and having my world fall apart with the incredible and unexpected breach of trust that I felt with my coach my primary place where I felt a sense of belonging at the tennis club, the place where I went to Learn and understand capacities that I had inside of myself that
I had no idea that I had. It was really my coach who helped me see these things in myself and that I was you know, I had real talent. For talking about me, maybe raising somebody money to go place and pro tournaments, but Was very good and worked hard that when that fell apart, everything else... Fell apart, And, you know, my school fell apart, relationships changed. I self medicated with food. I gained a whole bunch of weight. Behavioral
did some fell stupid things. And in my family life, you know, really went along with it. Because when abuse happens, it doesn't just affect that 1 individual it it affects the whole system of relationships starting with the family. And so I couldn't see a silver lining for a long time, And I did go back and live a different version of my dream to play professional tennis, I went back and played Club tennis in Germany for a few years, plates and pro
tournaments. I played division 1 College Tennis on Scholarship, University of Colorado. So I did live a version of that dream, and that was, you know, what I was able to salvage out, and it was it was really a a couple of key people who helped me find myself again and 1 woman in particular who was, like, a mom to me during that period of time who just loved me for me. There was no demand for performance There was no disappointment of not being the, kind of the
star that I was beforehand. I was just... It was the... She she was probably the only person that I adult with whom I didn't feel damaged, but I didn't realize how important she was in my life until later on in my life, and I learned a lot about what happens with children and child development when these kinds of things happen. Another person that was critical in me getting back on the court was my tennis coach, Phil K, the late Phil K, God arrested his soul. He was just a kind person.
He had tried to get me to get back on the court for my East high school team in Denver and play for the team, but there were rules around. Not being able to play competitive tournaments if you played high school and but that I'd quit tennis my senior year. And so Phil, he had been asking me for 2 years, come play for the team, and I said no. No. And that year I was like, you know, why not? And so it was getting back on the court with a team to getting back on the court again was
vital, and I was able to... You know, finish a second at state that year, I got a scholarship played at Ohio day in my freshman year before transferring back to see you, but that chapter of time and me coming back to Tennis in a different way than I had left it. Like, I had... I felt like I had the world in my hand when I just turned 15, and then everything went away from me, and I just felt like I felt felt shame. I felt like a failure.
I felt angry myself that I couldn't just pull it back together. I didn't know how I felt. I was really lost. So in this period of time, I developed empathy that I don't know that I could have developed in exactly the same way had that not happened to me at that time in my life. I grew major wires around empathy and noticing how other people feel It was harder for me to actually learn how I feel but noticing when people, kids especially had hard things going on. I
just kind of had radar for it. So that was the silver lining really of that developmental chapter getting through it with the help of a couple of key people. Falling in love with Tennis again staying with it, you know, feeling like I'm resilient adaptive, which I am. Is it's probably 1 of my core strengths.
And aside from my kindness, my heart, but I went to finance after that after I played College Tennis, I played, you know, pro tennis for a few years, for a team in Germany, as I mentioned, and then went to finance, I was managing mutual fund, and it had this really incredible career in a male dominated business and was playing tennis again and playing tournaments and doing well I I had made a decision to put everything in the rear mirror book
before I went off to college. This is a bit of a backtrack, but I did went on a mumbling outbound course. And in my journals, which I still have. I wrote about the fact that I wanted to face off with my coach, address him and then move on, put it in the rearview mirror and go on. And I actually used that language as a 17 year old. So I did. And I faced off of my coach, and I told him and I... There was a tearful conversation for me and a not a glimmer of recognition for him, but I just thought
as a 17 year old. He saw what happened to me. I was 1 of his top players, and he would never ever ever do it again because literally, I just fell off the map for a period of time And so... But pe files are repeat offenders? I didn't know that at the time. And so what happened 12 years later when I was in finance, I got a call from 1 of the few that I had told about what had happened because I was... We stayed silent like most other people did in those in that day and age, and we were kind of
little people We had no money. We really didn't have any people in social connections. We just... We was an important big deal person, but I did tell a couple people about it. And 1 of the people I told or called to tell me that 12 years later the same thing. It just happened to another young girl with the same coach. And
that's when everything changed for me. So I was at that point, a few years into my investment job, and I was still kind of progressing and learning and growing and you know, earning real money for the first time in my life, I bought my own house and my own car and help my parents a bit and it was just that economic piece.
Was the driver, but then it just this finding out that it was still happening, forced me to start a process that didn't come out in terms of my career until several years later, I stayed with my job 3 or 4 more years, but I started seeing a psychologist. I talked about what happened. I turned in my coach. There was a whole process around that, but it was it...
I'm a very private person, and it became hard for me because the complicated thing about these kinds of relationships, especially for someone who was done so much for you. My coach did so much for me. He really helped me see something in myself and helped me live in my way into a story that I... I don't know that I would've seen or understood about myself. So I felt gratitude, we didn't have money to pay for lessons I took, like, discounted lessons or all these...
Things that made me feel incredibly grateful to him. But yet he betrayed my trust in this incredibly profound way. So It's was hard to go forward with it, but I did. But again, it was... It shook everything up, And so what wound up happening from that process was me, deciding I wanna do something else that was... Not in finance, do something that felt more intrinsically motivated and that allowed me to use my heart, in in an integrated way with my head.
At first, I thought this was gonna be being a child family therapist to clinical psychologist who helped young people and families, but especially kids. And I did apply to, Side program, got it into that program at the university of Denver, but shortly thereafter my, husband. I was just recently married. He got a job offer and moved to London, and we moved to London, and I I wound up doing it Phd in London instead of the clinical psychology back, I was first on, which was
very hard. It was a Phd and behavioral genetics, what you've met. Took 1 psychology, like, psych 01:01 when I was a software to See you.
It was, like, learning a whole different language, just having to learn everything literally on the fly, Like, building the plane as I flew, which is kind of how I do things, but went through the process of getting the Phd, I focused on edge location how nature and nurture work in the classroom, and I moved into kind of away from the academic paper writing into translational applied science through a fellowship with the S and r foundation in, 20 16.
And then in 20 17, And I've been focused mostly on education public education teachers, a little bit with coaches, but mostly teachers, parents, policy makers, Philanthropist helping them understand how stress affects the mind body system, which is my primary focus at Johns Hopkins consult of public health the biological embedding of stress, adverse childhood experiences, how they affect individuals longer term development, and then protective and compensatory experiences those things
that can be offsets to aces, which are called paces, So I was focused on education in this space, and then I ran into my coach at a national tournament all crazy things 30 years later. Not an accident, Of course, because this is how the world works. This is 1 of these God's big break crumbs, but I saw him and, wound up writing a letter to him try the most important letter I've written in my whole life, and it marked the transition from me taking all the things that I learned.
From education, academically, and my own personal experience into, from education into sports And so that has been the journey up been on since then, and that's that how my purpose made its way clear to me because when we have hard things happen, especially they're really hard ones that just push us to the very brink, you know, there is a way that we can we can lean into these things to heal ourselves and heal others in the process.
And what we know about human development across time and health and brain health, which is, of course connected to physical health because the same molecules affect our mind and our body. These are not discrete things we're in integrated whole whole systems, bringing these things all together at that point in my life just help me marry the personal and the professional in a way that gives me a sense of grounding, but I was talking about the
top 3 factors that help, you, brain... Kind of brain body health across time, which are doing something physically active every day, exercise at exercise biochemistry is so powerful. It's like our own endogenous pharmacy. Can be whatever you... Whatever you like to do in individually, you can do it with people, do something physically active every day. The second thing is having friends and social connections. Isolation is as risky as
smoking 16 cigarettes a day. This is what 1 study showed the impact of loneliness and isolation activates the chronic stress response, which is you know, stress is not a bad thing. It can be a very good thing but chronic stress and impair our health and it grinds us
down. The third thing is having a sense of purpose and having something bigger than ourselves to get out of bed for every morning, something that helps us expand and grow and connect us with other people that gives us a sense of home And so I just feel grateful every day, and I feel like all the stuff that happened, the hard things that happened happened to me. I can be here now doing this work and that's my story that I tell myself. I believe it. Well, it's more than what
you tie yourself. It's it's... You have to put this into... Practice into action into physical expression, the way you tell the story is really bread crumb like to use that again, I can really see the nonlinear, but connected way that everything came together. And like you said you were able to marry the person and the professional, and your desire to have an impact and into fulfill your purpose.
And again, purpose evolves and changes, but in this very moment, this such a beautiful way of you expressing your purpose and marrying the personal and the professional. And what a gift that we have that you did go and get that professional training so that you could bring it into this space. This actually, I'm I'm switching gears a a slight bit, but it's... There is a parallel here, which is your current book is a
perfect expression of that right? The book you just wrote called wise decisions, brings your scientific into how do we show up in our world? How are you helping people show up in their lives. So would you like to speak a little bit about wise decisions and where that came from? I'd love to speak about it. Thank you. Wise decisions, a science based approach to making better choices is a book that came out.
In early December that I wrote with my dear Soul friend and colleague Jim Lea, performance psychologist and just epic extraordinary human beings worked with 17 world number 1 athletes and started that Johnson a Johnson Human Performance Institute and he's all about all the right stuff. And the book that we wrote together is about making decisions and making those decisions that serve us over life and really taking the decision making process and putting it under a microscope unpacking it.
Decisions typically are just we learn from the people who around us. We don't think about decisions often or not even where we're making decisions. And so the book takes readers through a process of looking into who they are, who they wanna be? What are the things that are most important? What are the things that we want the people who know us the best and love us the most to think about and to feel when they think about us.
Jim wrote, we some of the chapters I wrote some of the other chapters, we both very much agreed that of the first chapter should be on health and multi level health, mental physical, emotional and. These higher order values and beliefs that we have to make good healthy wise decisions. It all starts with coming at them from a from a healthy, well informed place. How we don't have our health. We don't have anything.
I really wanna talk about parenting because this is, you know, I have 3 boys, Jack Charlie and wyatt, Jack is 20. Charlie 18 and why it's 16. And I I wrote the chapters on child and adolescent development and families. Back to this quote, Children, young people don't worry that they're not listening to you or they're always watching you.
This is vital information for all of us, But for young people in particular and and for adults who are touching the lives of young people, teachers, coaches, obviously, parents but grandparents were never too old to learn new skills. As of all about repetition and nurture shaping nature through the science of epi genetics, we're growing new wires and and new muscles all the time, and we always have this capability, but never is stronger than early on in life.
And so for my boys, for the young people that I work with, a school nearby, using the book as curriculum, it has been incredibly rewarding to be able to go in and help them think about who they are posing these big questions. Kinda like the 1 you post to me to kick off our conversation, what is my purpose or what is
purpose? Just just introducing these concepts that, you know, sometimes many adults haven't really stop to think about or have a conversation about planting little seeds for them to grow and learn and and think about and introduce concepts that can help them think about what's really important? What do I love? What brings me joy? Well, it just makes me think interesting either this was intrinsic in you throughout your life
or I don't know how. But if I think about this whole story you painted for us, in all the moments where you were able to make decisions, like getting back on that court when you in high school, or even going the court in the first place in south Africa or confronting the coach when you did or leaving the career that was so s with the financial aspect all these decisions and all the little decisions along the way?
Is this based on your experience of making decisions or maybe the painful journey around making the decisions that you'd like, other kids not to experience? How does it connect to your life? Well, Mean, it's a great question. I've made some good decisions, and I've made some some bad decisions. I I turned to run on the impulsive side. I So my... I'd say my poor decisions have been made at times where I've acted impulsive than rather than a place of feeling sad or down.
But they've also... Like, I wouldn't change a thing. Like I would not change a thing. And I think 1 thing that's really been helpful for me in... Writing this book with Jim is aligning the decisions that I make with something called my Yoda code, Yoda is an acronym for your own decision adviser, And this is the voice inside of us that nobody else here. So it's it can be our most powerful coach we're most powerful adversary. I learned from this experience. I'm going to
grow and learn from at next time. It I was painful or It was hard, but I'm gonna take the nugget of information I and get out of it to lean into it and grow stronger and do something maybe a little bit differently, or I'm a terrible person and can cause, you know, downward spiraling anxiety and and depression and social anxiety and all those things that we all deal with
are young people in particular today. These things are epidemic, But on the decision making front, you know, starting with health as a foundation, will we align our decisions with our Yoda code. It's almost like a... Like a Gps. We can plug in our Gps coordinates to this place that we call home. It's all about getting home and uploading these messages about what's important to us who we wanna be in our daily lives and making decisions in alignment with those. Major principles.
We have it's a... There's a workbook element of the book where... Because it's important to write things down for, we use our default mode network, our brain, whole brain in a very different way when we're writing, than we're keyboard, you're just thinking about things. Particularly We integrate more of ourselves into the process, but they... The Yoda code... So mind, for instance, it's 5 or 6 words that describe who I wanna be
the most. And it it almost takes the nuance answer the difficulty, the friction out of the decision making process because when I can align decisions with my jot code, I feel like I'm doing okay. Like, I just want... That's how I wanna show up. So my jot code is kindness gratitude. Generosity, integrity, courage, and humility.
And those are my big things that I wanna hold true to, And so if I can hold true to those things in making decisions, I feel like I'm ending the day in a good place and they're easier days. There are harder days. But if I can stay true to that code, which I have posted a little sticky notes in my bathroom mirror and our kitchen places where I look at it all the time. And then the more that we, you know, as we form habits, behavioral habits, psychological
habits. They're more repeat certain things the more they become automatic, like brushing our teeth or driving a car. It becomes much clearer how I wanna make decisions, what those parameters are. And I don't look back on them and think, Golly. Not not I don't make decisions I wish I hadn't made, but that's home. And when I'm driving my car and my psychological spiritual car, And I know that's that's how to get home. You know, we we can't know where we're going on our Gps unless we have
a destination plugged in. And if my Y code is my destination, I can go off and me enter a different neighborhood and then think, oh, I gotta get back. If I wanna get home, I gotta go back towards my True North beacon of of home. It's been the instructive process of growth working with Jim has been an incredible gift. He's helped me take another... Light your step forward in terms of being a translational applied scientist in terms of how I write.
This human friendly and doesn't, you know, cause instant narcolepsy. It's just all about the journey. So it's been a journey and who knows where I'll be 05:10, 20 years from now. But I do believe that, you know, whenever my... Time comes, those things that are the most important to me and I'm grateful to have really sat down and thought about and talked about with my children and with some young people. I'd I feel like I'm gonna end up in
a good place. Wherever that is. I know what that's gonna look like on paper, but I know where my my soul is gonna be that feels good. Stripping everything else out away from it. If you do understand what I'm saying. I do. I really do. I find this so beautiful and it sounds like your book is interactive and it has the workbook element And so people who get this book, can actually not just read it and have their Intellect be engaged. Actually have it be interactive and walk
away with their own yoda code. And this idea of no matter where we are if we stay true to this code, which is aligned with our healthiest self, most whole self, No matter where we are, we know we are still there in the most healthy most aligned aspect of ourselves. It's almost like disarming the fear or the anxiety or that negativity that we navigate pretty often as humans. It kind of quiet that if you're going into life knowing that you are connected to your
Yoda code. I think that is really lovely, and you're an expression of look this is a person who has gone. Wow, your journey, your life journey has, like you said, there was there was a trauma involved. There were a lot of key people involved. There are a lot of decisions involved, not all of them are ones that were quote unquote good, but they happened. And here you are.
Living out your purpose in what it feels like is accurate and aligned in this very moment and carrying about the impact, the positive impact that you're having in the world, I think you are an expression of what happens when you do this. Thank you. I wouldn't be who I am without the people in my life. They're everything. Grateful to have extraordinary friends who, you know, people who are 1 plus 1 equals 3 or more.
As I said earlier on big energy person, I just feel grateful to be continually expanding in a way that is meaningful for me and and some others too. It brings deep meaning into my life. I'm grateful for every day I have. I think even though we can go on, I think this is a good place. To to stop and let people digest and integrate
this. We'll have links to the book, for more information, but Thank you so much for sharing so much of yourself, and, thank you for honoring this drive to Like you said earlier, leave the world a better place and have a positive impact. And clearly, your focus is on youth, which means you're investing in the world in 30 to 40 years, right, not in the short term, but in the long term. And so in in advance, a thank you to it what the world will be like in the next you know, 3 to 4 decades.
Oh, well, you are incredibly kind, and thank you for your wonderful questions, Your generosity of spirit. Thank you for having me on. And for, you know, your job also is is bringing meaning and information and hope, and inspiration to people in a in a very active heartfelt way. And so I'm grateful for all you're doing to spread my message and others to a broader group people. It's a big ripple effect, and every little bit counts. It sure does. Yeah.
Oh, I'm I'm hanging up this podcast feeling so good and going back to my life. So Thank you again. Sheila was. Thank you. Okay. You take care. You too. Thank you for listening to our podcast. My name is Liza and Grass. I'm the Ceo and President of Hoffman Institute Foundation. And I'm Ras Grass, Hoffman teacher and founder of the Hop to foundation. Our mission is to provide people greater access to the wisdom and power of love.
In themselves in each other and in the world to To find out more, please go to hop institute dot org.