Hey everybody. Mary Arden, Hoffman, teacher and coach, joined us today for this episode. Mayor has been a hoffman process teacher since 19 91. She's taught hundreds of processes, maybe upwards of a thousand students. She's just a lovely human being, and she spoke to us. From her home on the California coast in Santa Cruz. Please enjoy this episode. Thanks for being a part of these podcast conversations we're glad you're here. Welcome to Loves everyday radius.
Podcast brought to you about a Hoffman Institute. My name is drew horn. And on this podcast, we catch up with graduates of the process and have a conversation with them about how their work in the process is informing their life outside of the process, how their spirit and how their love are living in the world around them process their everyday radius. Hey, everybody welcome to the Hoffman podcast, Mary Arden, Welcome, Mary. Thank you. It's great to have you. How are you?
How are you doing this morning as we begin this conversation. Well, actually, I am living on the coast, you know, in in Santa Cruz, and the rain has been wonderful. It's it's such a blessing because, you know, we've been in such a drought. So I don't know. I've just feeling the blessing of where I live and the weather's cooperating. I imagine it's getting really, really green there. It's Yeah. Yeah. That's wonderful. So I'm I'm so excited for this conversation. You've been a teacher, Mary for
for 30 years. Do I have that right? Yeah. Close to 30. Yeah. Will you tell us a little bit of your story and who you are? Yes. First of all, I... Was a health educator. For years before becoming a half teacher. And that's what I've always cared about is health and and holistic health. It's like, I just I just solve it. It's about mind body spirit. It's not about what's going on with the body. Mind, body spirit.
And also, I I have to admit that I was born into a family that cared about health and well being. Their first born in our family, my sister was born manually retarded. Now at that time, that was a term that was used.
Now, you know, they cold things special needs or whatever, but but she was born mentally retarded and my parents didn't even know that until I was born a year later, and they realized that I came out like a, I came out like a thunderbolt or something, and they realized whoa because back then doctors didn't didn't tell. Where, this... We're talking about night... I was born in 19 44, January, And so she was born in late
19 43. So that really shaped my life because I learned to take care of her, and then my 2 brothers that came along, So there was a lot of emphasis on giving that we are here to make a difference in the world. And so my parents said, no. We're not sending her away. She is precious. Sending them away was a thing that was done Right? Yeah. It was. They were sent to institutions.
So I learned that I don't know as I said, my heart's really touched, but were all perfect in God's sight It's kind of interesting my parents apparently were not very spiritual or religious, about when my sister came along. And then I came along. They had
to wake up. So I was raised with a lot of emphasis about prayer and connection to to God and that we are meant to be helpful in life, That's what we're meant to be, We're meant to be in service, and so that became my ground of being as a teacher to to start out that way. So So that's really the context of where I come from. And so you head out into the world after school and... Is that where you land as a health educator? No. Eventually, I got my master's in
public health. When I graduated, I had a liberal arts degree. And frankly, back then, as a woman, I was asked How fast could I typed. So I had a liberal arts and I really... Okay. I'm to get my teaching degree, so I did get my teaching degree, but I ended up being, a wife and a mother real real soon, but so that that became my life for a while, and and then I realized that I did want to get into health education So I got my master's in health education and I worked at Kaiser and was in
that direction for a while. How did you eventually make your way? To the Hoffman Institute. Yeah. Good question. Well, frankly, I was really struggling, and I had a friend. Who had done the process, and she said, okay. You need to take this process, and so I did, and it was so brilliant. I just saw that it included the spiritual dimension, The dimension about our Intellect, we needed to learn to train our Intellect, we needed to learn to to be in touch with our heart.
And let our heart be in the lead in a sensible way though, because I was... I didn't have good boundaries. So I had to learn all kinds of things about what it means to be a whole healthy human being, and the process had it. I just said, I've gotta teach this. This is this is what's vital in the world. That's kinda what happened. And you got to know Bob in those early days. You were 1 of the very first teachers early on.
What was that experience like in this fledgling hoffman process as it was beginning to form. You know, it... It's interesting. I I was just reread my book... Bob Hoffman book is called no 1 is to blame. And he has a message to me in the front of the book, which I had forgotten that he that he did. What does it say? It says 2 amr rita and her quad, Amr rita is my chosen name. Mary is my birth name. First time Amr rita and her quad.
Thank you for your love and helping to create new harmony with love and light, Bob Hoffman. I just treasure this. I I treasure the book because the book is so... I don't know what the word is. It's so down to earth. And clear. It it it really is. And Chris, what a lot of us did who came along after Bob stopped teaching was that we brought what we knew, like, I had, you know, was health educator. I knew about holistic health. I was very much
into ecology too at the time. In 19 70, a book was written, diet for a new America, a new planet, and I I changed everything about my lifestyle. The I started to eat differently. I started to look at everything in terms of an ecological and hard centered approach. That's a little bit about Bob's book. No 1 is to blame. But there's something in there about that what you do when you sit down to a meal. Is very connected to the work you're doing around
students and the process. It's all inter related. Can you share a little bit more about that? Well, like I said, in those early years of being a mom and then going into the the field of education. I realize that everything is connected that we can't separate out who we are and how we are in the world from the trees that are growing and the flowers that are cutting and it's all about connection. And so I thought, okay. What is it that gets in the way of connection?
Patterns. That was brilliant that Ball came up with that. He said, it's our negative patterns and our negative childhood programming that makes us play out these patterns that cause ill health that cause bad relationships and that are ruining the planet, it all just became integrated to me when I realized that the Hoffman c process included so many pieces that mattered to me, and I thought, oh, I have to teach this. The world needs us. That's beautiful.
Mary, you've talked about the human potential movement and how that was so big and emerging in those years. What is the human potential movement? What was it at the time? Well, it was kind of an awakening. That we are more than just these human beings that have a job and raise a family that were spiritual beings, having a human experience. I'd really feel that was Bob's very strong message.
We are spiritual beings, and we've landed here on the earth plane, with its challenges, but if we learn to come from our heart and from our spiritual self Then life just happens in a way that is is natural and integrated. I imagine those were exciting times it was... A kind of radical movement, now it's more mainstream, but what was it like to be a part of that early movement in those days?
Wow, we really wear on the frontier and also because Bob said, look, we can't be air spiritual or something he says, Look, this is about retraining the brain to function in ways that are healthy because the childhood programming, needs to be transformed or we just simply carry it out. And we we passed along all our. He called them patterns, negative patterns So a pattern is something that we learned growing up. We had to survive. I love
that that he brought that forward to. He said, look, this is not like anybody's a bad person. Were programmed to survive and so to survive, we took on the patterns we saw on our parents and or the opposite. So we learn to rebel or we automatically adopt those patterns that set it up for us to get rejected, abandoned, ill, he really was remarkable in his understanding, of what was playing out in the world and that we could change it.
We were not stuck. We're having to play out these patterns It's not a a sentence that's incur. We can move beyond this. That's right. We can move beyond it in impractical? Healthy ways. So what was it like to be a teacher over the years? You've had many students that you've... Guided through this process, many graduates that you've done coaching with and stayed connected to What's it like to be a
hoffman process teacher for nearly 30 years? Well, each time, I was with, you know, 1 of my students, I always felt very touched by their vulnerability. Their willingness to share what's uncomfortable to share and to be willing to let go of what doesn't work and move into a heart centered, spiritually oriented life. I I don't know quite how else to say it I felt like it was an honor. It was a privilege. It definitely took... You know, mastery and focus because we never knew what we were gonna be
faced with us as teachers. And so I love that about it actually, back invitation to participate fully and make a difference in the world. That's what I grew up with. My parents said, you know, like I say, we're not sending our precious child away. We are gonna start the first organizations. For kids like this, and this will make a difference. So I learned, we're here to make a difference in the world. And so often process us was the perfect place to do that. That's beautiful. You also...
I imagine learned a lot about yourself. I know that as a teacher. So So what are some of the things that you have come to understand about your own learning, your own growth edge as a teacher? Oh, really good question. First of all, if anybody knows the Gram, I'm the 2 on the Gram, which is the helper and the caretaker. And when you're a compulsive helper or in a caretaker for 1 thing, you end up being boss. And you think you'd know better. So so, Bob would point that out to
me from time to time. I have to admit. And, of course, I realized it myself that that actually... It was really draining my energy at 1 point, I actually needed to look at how strongly some of those patterns were operating. Because I was getting exhausted. And so I I changed. I said, oh, this doesn't work and I don't wanna model this to anybody. What I wanna model is living in a holistic way, not getting caught up and thinking I have to be a helper or a caretaker. So that was a big learning for
me. I I had to confront that part of myself And it's also a very eco centric. Oh, I'm the 1 who knows Well, I was there to help each person discover what they need to know about their body, their mind, their spirit. I is not there to to control or try to tell anybody how it was supposed to be, but how to find that place in their heart and their soul and their spirit. That is uniquely theirs. That's who they are in the world. When I hear that, I think of surrender
surrendering your own agenda. End and letting the student guide you, but I also hear boundaries and better self care and What did that look like as you went through that journey? As I reformed to? Well, it's interesting when I... When I went into the process, I was in a relationship where once again, I would cancel myself out I would just lose my centered and grounded in relationship because that's what I learned in my family.
That I wasn't the important 1. It was what I did for others was what I did for my sister and my brothers, and And so I I had to clear that 1 because otherwise, relationships were gonna destroy me. In the sense that I would lose myself again. And so, that was a big wake up call. I had to change. Then that fits when you're serious about change as a Hoffman process tag line. Oh, that's right. Yeah. I I really had to take on.
What were my weak points, you know, what were my vulnerabilities that were very unhealthy, Do you remember your last process teaching. Do you remember as you came to the decision to not teach anymore that? That had to be a big transition for you not doing something that you had done, so passionately for so many years you know what, at the time, I knew that it was what was appropriate to do, but it's true. After I left, and I realized. But I was gonna miss out on everything
that's wonderful about it. The teaching staff, the students, and I really felt quite sad. And then then I have to admit that I met the love of my life about 2 months after I stopped teaching. Your retirement made space for partnership. Actually, it did. It just seemed like my life was about contributing. Which I love. I mean, that's that's what I learned from from my my parents and
my family is we're here to contribute. We're here to give, And so all of a sudden, I wasn't getting in that way, and it was kind of shocking. However, yeah. I get... Got to meet my partner, Jim. And that was a huge gift in my life. To fall in love and be with Jim for those years, it sounds wonderful. Yeah. It wasn't a long time because he got a very serious illness. What we had was very precious. Not only to both of us, but to people who knew us and, you know, were around us as well. Wait
to use... Saying that when people witnessed the 2 of you together, that they they were blessed by your union, Yeah. And actually, it's kind of interesting, you know, Jim took the process was 1 of the last people to take the process before Covid happened.
And so once Covid happened, Jim and I started to just travel on our own, you know, to keep our distance from people, but we actually had an amazing time, just traveling together like, to the southwest or up north towards, you know, Oregon, and So we we use that time to to be with each other and to to be in nature. It must have been so crazy to be traveling and be in places where nobody was around. Is that what it was like?
I just remember, like, if we needed to go to a restaurant, which was very rare, we were very careful about being separate from other people. When we were just careful and conscious about the choices that we made. Sure. But when you were out in nature in parks and... National forest. I imagine there weren't a lot of people there. There weren't a lot, but there were others like us though, kind of making their way in a safe way. So then what happened? I know Jim
Jim got sick you mentioned. Will you share a little bit about what that chapter has been like for you? And what happened? Well, 1 of the things we talk about in the process is that we're spiritual beings. And every morning, I don't know. This started a few months after Jim passed. Every morning, I, have a time where I am in prayer and in meditation. And Jim comes to me the last 10 minutes of the time that I'm doing that. He comes to me in spirit, and it's such a blessing.
I think that's really what I wanna share that. There is no separation in love. Yeah. There obviously is because his body is not here, but my my connection with him and our connection with each other is real. Is is as real as me looking out the window and saying the Redwood tree that was growing outside my window. It's that real and precious to me. What's that like to have him come to you and in this other realm to still be together. It's nurturing. That's the best way I can say it.
I feel nurtured. And so it's sort of a reminder that there is this reality that is beyond... What I can touch with on my skin or that is beyond, you know, my heart beating. But yet my heart is open in a way that includes this beautiful being that I love he's just in a different room, and I can access that realm To me, that's what we teach in the process that there is a whole realm that is a spiritual realm. And we get to be in that by choosing. May, why do you think that so? Hard
for people to access? Why is the work we do in helping people find that other place to be is so challenging. Yeah. Well, as you know, in the process, we talk about patterns, patterns that we learn growing up. And so there's usually some kind of pattern that... And maybe it's it's like, well, the only things that are real are what you can see and hear and touch Know. That could be something that somebody learned, like,
oh, you're just imagining that. Imagine for a moment that a parent says that to a child. And the child has been imagining things. And the truth is is that our imagination is important. It gives us a sense to visualize what's possible or even to to visualize what somebody else might be experiencing, you know, so that we can have empathy and compassion and... I don't know how else to say it. I'm remembering that quote or that of repeated phrase that if you can't measure it. It doesn't exist,
and you're saying very much the opposite. That's actually not true at all. No. There's different ways to measure. Like... I can measure my connection with jim because it's pal because I can feel in my heart. And in my body when the connection happens. Very, when I've talked with you as a colleague and a friend and... In this conversation. I just keep thinking who you are is so perfectly set up to be a Hoffman teacher. It just feels what we teach feels like it's so much a part of
your being. Thomas us like you and the institute grew up together in this parallel kind of way. The Institute needed to move in that direction. What Bob brought through is brilliant about the negative Love syndrome. Then as long as we're caught that, we're gonna have trouble. We're gonna have patterns, negative patterns. But, you know, then those of us back then and took it to another level.
I remember 1 of the things that I brought through and the teachers that were there was about creating community. Bob didn't quite know how to do that, but how sharing learning to share helps create community, and then everyone gets value from that, not everybody that we share with is necessarily gonna take the process, but how we show up makes a difference. That's just 1 example of something that no,
Bob necessarily wasn't in tune with. But the rest of us brought that through, the importance of sharing what we've learned and sharing with people. So you were able to add that and those pieces of community and sharing, into the process as it developed and changed. Yeah. I certainly in alignment with the other teachers that were there. That's just what we did. You know, we realized, oh, This is about, you know, sharing and community. How do we do this? What's the way to to include this?
So that so that people would feel empowered. To share. This what wasn't just some little secret that was in their heart and oh, wow. I feel so lucky. He was like, oh, and I want a world that works for everyone. There's something in there about purpose or a life of... Commitment beyond just ourselves, There's something about belonging and community that is far beyond the negative love syndrome, it's like once we've looked at the negative love syndrome,
then what? Now we can move into this more deep soul full spiritual place that you're talking about? That's very well said. Yeah. So as you sit out, and I'm imagining you they're looking out the window at that Redwood tree. What do you notice as you reflect on your time as a teacher in your life? Well, first of all, when I took the process, I could feel my roots. Into the earth because I tended to be a little too much in my head in my heart, but in my head, almost like in the air.
And so the process just brings you right down into the earth. Here we are on the earth in a body, and let's sink our roots down so that we feel supported So, you know, as as I look at the that tree, I realized, we give people such value. In understanding how we're all connected? What else would you like to share Mary as we wind this down. I... Wondering if there's more. This is from a book called the wild edge of sorrow. Rituals are renewal and the sacred work of greece.
By Frances Well. And this book has been so helpful for me in the rest 9 months. So here, is 1 chapter called the 5 gates of grief, and I'll just read you the first gate. The first gate, everything we love, we will lose. I have come to have a deep faith in grief. I've come to see the way its moods call us back to soul. It is in fact, 1 of the voices of the soul. Asking us to face life's most difficult but essential teaching. Everything is a gift. And nothing less. It really does.
I just realized that I learned to appreciate so much more as a result of taking the process and being a teacher. You know, like when my grandson was born. There's so many things like that that I wouldn't have been able to be as close to family and friends if I hadn't done the process and thought the process. It's so precious to feel connection. To feel loving connection. I feel it's why we came to this planet. I came through this body
to love, and serve. That's just what's true and also to be able to share what it's like to feel the presence of god of presence of Goddess is, presence of nature... Is all connected for me? Mary, I'm I'm grateful for this conversation. I'm grateful for. Your time and your heart. Do you keep in touch with teachers or colleagues or could community often? Yes. I I have to admit that in the last 9 months since Jim passed. I've been much more intros. I have not reached
out as much. But now I'm starting to... I'm starting to reach out again because all those years with... We remember were the teachers it was it was wonderful. So I love it when I do connects back in, and I'm planning to do more, definitely. But I'm gonna start to do some traveling, which I hit sort of postponed Thank you, Mary. Oh, what a pleasure. Thank you for listening to our podcast. My name is Liza and Grass. I'm this... Ceo
and President of Hoffman Institute Foundation. And I'm Ras Rossi, Hoffman teacher and Founder of the Hoffman Institute Foundation. Our mission is to provide people greater access to the wisdom and power of love. In themselves and each other and in the world. Find out more, please go to hop institute dot org. To