Hey everybody. Bobby Africa is our guest today. And does a beautiful job sharing his story, vulnerable courageous, and just before we begin, I'd like to let you know that while not explicit in nature. This episode does contain mention of violence and sexual abuse and may not be suitable for all. Audiences. I do hope you listen and enjoy his courage, his vulnerability has the honestly shares his story of his life prep process during the process and after the process.
Welcome to Loves everyday radius. Podcast brought to you by Hoffman Institute. My name is Drew Horn. And on this podcast, we catch up with graduates of the processed and have a conversation with them about how their work in the process is informing their life outside of the process. How their spirit and how their love are living in the world around them, their everyday radius Hey, everybody, Bob, Africa is with us on the show today. Welcome Bob. Thank you. Good to be. It is great
to have you. Bob, you have done so much. Such a professional corporate career. Let's talk about that for a second. You've. Been at Solomon, overseas in France, running some of their shoe departments. You've come back and run. What was that next company?
Kid robot, Kid robot. Brand that, and then it sold and made lots of money and then you went to pop sockets, for those who you listening these things on the back of your phones that prop up your phones and that was nothing when you got it and when you had it sold you with the Ceo of it when it sold. Yeah. I wasn't the Ceo, but I was a chief staff president. And when I started there, I was, you
know, a couple of us. Know, think, maybe 10 employees, less than a million dollars and, you know, fast 434 years later, it was 2 140000000 in profit and 1 of the fastest... Growing companies in the country at the time. Yeah. Incredible. And you've mentored people through techs stars and lots of growing mentoring and supporting of leaders in the field. Yep. Yeah. Spend a lot of time.
You know, just on a volunteer volunteer basis, kind of the more you give the more you get idea working with, you know, leaders in startups and early revenue companies. Yeah. And then, here in Colorado, you've taken all of that athletic prowess in your earlier days and brought it to the outdoors and been a prolific trail runner, There's something called the Lead 100 where it's an out and back course, 50 miles out, 50 miles back. You were the record holder, the winner?
Yep. Not of the hundred. There a competition up there cup the lead man or led woman, which it encompasses all 5 of their races in 1 season few months and and a couple of those races, it's the hundred bike and the hundred run, and I've done it a few times. I've won it once and had set the record I've got as well. Beautiful.
And so having achieved so much in the corporate world as a dad as well to a daughter and having done so much in the running space and the outdoor mountain biking space, there was a moment in time where things weren't so great. Let's just drop. Right. There, where were you what was happening in your heart? And your head. Yeah. Let's go.
I have been driven all my life, I guess, going very hard, professionally, personally in the business world in the athletic world just fully focused on, I guess, climbing that ladder, getting the titles, gaining, financial independence the podium, the P r's, all of that was just something that was... That's only I focused on. And I left pop sockets. The end of 2019.
So the first time my life that I could kinda walk away from a company or position and have a beat to think and not have to kind of worry about paying rent and hop into the next thing right away. So I had some space, you know, semi retired, call it I'll, I'll never forget. There's there's 2 things. 1 was, I used to do quite a bit of early morning yoga.
And at the end of the yoga class, the teacher would always say, you know, it would end in C us in the corpse pose and, you know, 3 4 or 5 minutes, and she used to say there's not a class after this. So for those of you who have the time, you can stay. And I remember always having to, you know, get up run and race to work and hop on meetings, etcetera, And I was like, I can't wait to the day that I don't have to get up.
And that day came. And I was able to sit there and like I know I got up because it's... It just didn't give me what I thought. Then go home Tuesday morning, making coffee, looking at the window, and this massive wave came over me, Tuesday Mornings where when we used to run the whole hands beating, you know, a couple hundred people. Throughout the world for Pops sockets that I helped facilitate. And, you know, I was 1 of the guys up on stage and helping
to run that. And all of a sudden, That's where Would would usually be, and I wasn't there. And this idea of, like, who am I? What am I? Why am I here? What's my purpose? All of the that just kinda hit me really hard. And all these kind of brass rings on the merry ground that I was...
Grasping for, the titles, the podium, the financial independence, all those things that, right, year for I had achieved many of those, and it became this just vapor, living this life of when this happens or if this happens, then I'll be happy. Or when that happens, then I'll be peaceful or I'll be whole. All of a sudden, it kinda of the the bottom fell out. And I was like, man,
you know? I don't know if I was depressed, but I was like, well, these things don't make me happy or content or peaceful what will. And that's when I was, like, I need to do something. I need to figure something out and maybe try a different path. Because what I've been doing for the last, you know, 3 decades hasn't been getting me where I think I wanna go. So You're sitting there at that, pour that coffee on that Tuesday morning, and all that starts to hit you, Imagining.
It's not just in your intellect in your body? It's a sensations coming, what do you what do you do with that? What happens next? Yeah. I mean, I... I was pretty shut down. Emotionally, all of my intellect my head and definitely the body. You know, I used to, you know, hammer my body. I'd love to suffer, you know, it hurts so good, you know, kind of thing both in the corporate world, but also running. Yeah yeah. Yeah. For sure. Like, in the corporate world, I'm like, I'll out work you.
I'll work Harder. Every night was kind of a school night, I wouldn't really go out. I wouldn't... Be very social because I was all focused about work or sport and just kinda lived, you know, not monk by any means. But a very kind of a alone in life. You know, have friends and married divorced have had other relation intimate relationships, but, you know, quite a solo person, So what happened next was I just started looking for things that I could, kind of, you know lean into.
To maybe try to answer some of these questions I had. And I had a few people very close to me, recommend the hoffman process. And they said, yeah. This is something that 1 had done it. I think another 1 had heard about it. And they said this is something that might really interest you. And I was like, alright. I'm in. Let's go. And I had no clue. Frankly, what it was. I did some research here and there, but I was like, yep, let's do it.
You know, why not go to California for a week, golf the grid, sleeping, go... You know I didn't. Running the mountains. Do some Yoga sit on a cushion. Sounds great. So I signed up. This is early 20 and Covid hit. So it took me 8 to 10... Times of cancellations to go so of a full year. So so you mean they re register you, you're in a class. And yet that 1 is still canceled again. Over and over and over again. I was like best
friends with the office staff there. This back and forth, nope one's canceled. Next 1 canceled. Next 1. I was like, I'll go to California. I'll go to Connecticut. I need, you know, 12 hours heads up. I will be on a plane and I'm in. So that just kept pushing and pushing. And that was hard because I I've got it held this as a the magic pill. You know, or or solution. Like, if I go to this, then I'll be better. Then I'll be fixed, then
I'll know the way. I'll have the playbook, I I remember 1 time, you know, we were on the track running and before the workout started, and I got a call from James that the next 1 had canceled. And I remember crying. Like just literally walking around that track, having tears come down just like, so at the end of my rope, because I just wanted something... I wanted a solution. Eventually, I got in, and I went April of 21, and Covid had was starting to come out.
There were still quite small classes, it was a group of 19, 3 coaches, And, yeah, I didn't know what I was getting into. I do remember, like, doing the homework was quite quite intense for me, where the pre, know, pre work. It had done it multiple times or had revisited it because I, you know, a year later, kinda hit it again. And You know, there's a lot in there about childhood that wasn't easy for me because I didn't remember much of my childhood.
You know, my childhood had been a slideshow of snapshots that were good, you know, positive, you know, Christmas or this with my brother and my sister, my parents, but I don't remember much of my childhood. And I just thought that was normal or didn't really think about it, You know? So doing that, that homework was like, okay. This is interesting. What's gonna happen here. We had a pre meeting... I... You know, 1 on 1 pre meeting with Regina, who was my small group coach.
And I remember, you know, popping on the Zoom, and there was Regina, and she said, you know, hello How you doing? And I... I don't even think I could answer because I just kinda lost it again. She just said you're ready. I'll see you soon, Bobby. And so it's quite short, but very, very... Impactful. And meaningful. And I felt, like, okay. I'm ready for this. You know, I'm definitely anxious and not scared but nervous, but also excited for the process. So you arrive
what happens? I arrive on a Friday night, I, you know, get out of my Uber, and the first thing that happened was I realized that my my phone was left in the Uber and back to San Francisco. So that's how I started. You know, and, you know, you don't have your phones there. So I was like, okay. That's 1 way to just drop in and the staff there was great. Like, we'll deal with it. I was like, I don't even care. So here
I am. So first night was, you know, cafeteria meeting some people, kinda like summer camp. Right? You're, like, who's who and what are you trying to do? Just, you know, all types. And, you know, next... Remember were walking into the the lodging, you know, we called it sub block c or d. I remember opening the door, thinking of at some boutique hotel and it's it's not that, and it was a super super spa. And I was
like, oh, this is perfect. Like, just everything about it was perfect, thinking a bed lamp, chair, nothing else. And I was like this this is great. Next day, walk in to the group, take our seats, and this is where it really hit me. You know, we had to introduce ourselves. Kinda 1 by 1. I'm an introvert very much so, but I'm quite comfortable talking in front of people. And got to my turn, and I could barely get out my name and while I was there, and I was just
emotional. Like, it just hit me. And I remember talking about how I am breaking. Cry I am broken in the sense that I have been driving. So hard for so long and very robotic and the gears are grinding. I'm breaking, and I need help. I need to figure out how how to change the path I'm on because it's not getting me to where I wanna go. And then the first few days, I remember. I mean, just these waves of emotion, just like,
waves on a beach. Just I would sit there, and it might be completely off topic of what, you know, was happening, and I would just get hit with a emotion and just ball. Like just uncontrollable, but the most soothing, relaxing, comforting, tears and emotions. It just felt so good. When I look back now, it's because I felt safe, and I felt seen. I remember Regina the first day looked at me. We were doing this this exercise, and she's like, I see you and I love you.
You know, like, what are you talking, you know, this so uncomfortable, like, that that did not sit well with me, but then quickly it's like, yes. These people see me and love me, and I see them and love them for who they are. No judgment, don't care what you do where you're from, how you got here, you are perfect as you are, and that gave me the permission and the the space to feel safe.
And something that, again, in hindsight, I don't think I've felt safe a lot of my life, that I've had a lot of stress and anxiety that I have carried with me for for decades that I never knew I had. I think I really helped other men there specifically be vulnerable I didn't even know what vulnerable really meant. I knew what the definition was, but Didn't know how it felt. Until the often process, I didn't know what shame felt like or meant, but I now I know what shame is all about.
Those first few days and going through those exercises and that work with a group was transformational. In doing that, was able to kind of dig into some of my childhood stuff. That again is big big big blanks. But all of a sudden, I'm like, oh, yeah. Like, you know, came from upper middle class, Pennsylvania. I'm the youngest of 3 quite a bit. My brother who had passed away actually in 2019. So that was another piece that kind of had come up My dad passed away many years ago at 66.
My brother had passed away in July of 19 at 55, both from heart attacks. So also knows the last Africa, you know, on the tree, And so that was also a piece of who am I, why am I here? This legacy, if you wanna call it that is kind of Ami amid? There was, like, all of sudden, like, you know, we are fragile. I'm not ind. And, you know, a lot of those those feelings came up through this, but in in these exercises, I started to look at my childhood and say, wow. My childhood was difficult.
And I had never thought about that. It was so locked away and shut down. He just never even gave it a nod. And I'm like, oh, yeah. That little boy, you know, 567 years old hiding under the kitchen table as dad has, you know, my brother and a head putting hold the drywall and my, you know, mom yelling and my sister screaming. Or crying and, you know, me running out of the house too hide because I didn't feel safe. Okay. Yeah. That's not That's not okay. I'm
not blaming my parents. I I really understand what they were in and all of that. But just starting to dig into those kind of situations that made me realize that I had to really, you know, call it small t big tea whatever you want. Some difficult times it as a kid. And I had locked all those away and shut them away and just never even shine light into that darkness. So started to really understand, oh, okay. I felt unsafe. I felt, like, I lived on the egg shells.
And then it was my parents were retailers so they owned stores are never round. Not much. They were working all the time and raised by Nanny. My brother and sister were 7 to 9 years older, so different generations and I was alone. You know I raised by Nanny and it's like, oh, no one's around. No 1 sees me. I was like, what about me? Could people see me? Do they know I'm here. So I was the good student. I really did great in
school. Was a great athlete walking over from middle school to high school to to plan the Varsity team, hockey and soccer, but they didn't see me. So I was like, oh, okay. If I'm really good, they don't see me or no 1 gives me the time of the day, leaves me alone. Am I not important am Not worthy, am I not enough. And then it's like, okay I'll be the bad kid.
You know, then it was sex drugs and rock and roll in eighth grade, doing stuff that's way off the rails for anyone, and eighth grade just doing things that you should not be doing at that age, and that didn't get anyone's attention. They didn't see me at all either. So I just really started to understand, like, wow. I I was not seen, and that translated into. I'm not loved or I'm not lovable
I'm not worthy. I'm not enough, which then manifested itself and me driving hard for decades to be to be worthy to be free, you know, to be somebody to be something. And so you're sort of putting all of this together during the week through the experiences. Yeah. Through the exercises, the experiences, the visualizations, the conversations, these, you know, layers of an onion or falling away. So I'm starting to have this awareness and understanding of what a pattern is.
And see you now that is congruent with how I live my life and the things I've been doing and things that have not been serving me well. And, you know, a lot of the patterns do serve you well. I've done a lot of very cool things and Achieved a lot, but they wear out. It's time to change them and move on from things that no longer serve you, they actually hurt me in many ways, and her people around me.
So Yeah. In the process that awareness and understanding and acknowledgment of all of that really came to light. So, Bob, I wanna ask about the movement of that because it can be scary and painful to go to those places that you tried so hard to avoid as you grew up and those painful places of being un of shame and you had a felt sense of it
as you said. So as the week went on, were you able to move through it and was there a moment in time when the work you had done yielded results of getting to the other side? Yeah. There's quite a few moments. I mean, I I tell people. Like, the first 2 days, I was, like, how do I get out here? I'm not sure I can manage 7, 8 days here. By day 4, I was like, I never wanna leave. And by, like, day 7, and I'm like, I can totally see how people are monks
and, you know, sitting monastery all day. So there was a a big transition through the week. Being in community there and working through my things and as people held space for me, and then me in turn holding space for others, that was really powerful because it was, like, we're rowing this boat together. We're not just a adrift. Like, we are making progress and getting better, kinda of brick by brick.
And that was very powerful for me to be able to do it with others and to be seen and see and accept you know, you're exactly where you're meant to be, and you're perfect as you are,
that was really helpful for me. You know, every recall You know, there's little trails to and from the the mess hall and I used to always take the trail versus the road because I like the dirt, and I remember, you know, walking back I don't know, second third day and just being at such peace and contentment and presence. And feeling, I wouldn't say like, happy, but content. And content to me is brilliant, and that's peaceful, and I didn't feel that anxiety or stress. I felt safe.
I felt open. I felt like I didn't have to be someone or, you know, something because I felt that's what I needed to be. I could just be Bobby. That was powerful. And that just gave me kinda of licensed or encouragement or momentum to keep going, keep digging in and, wow, this, you know, kinda get that flywheel going and that momentum and it's that flywheel hasn't stopped since. You know. I mean, there's definitely wobble, speed wobble here and there, but it's not always easy by any means, and it
kicked that flywheel off. And it's something that will continue to turn for the rest of my life. So you move to the end of the week, and then after your process. What happened near the end of the week and in the days following? I remember being sad leaving. You know, Was hard. You know, 1 of our coaches had talked about, you know, you... You're probably walking out of here at A789, you know, 0 to 10, 789. And you maybe walked in at 234. Which was fair for me. But, you know, life is 567.
You know? So trying to really manage that kind of pendulum of of where you sit. You know, you can't have peace without valleys. Kind of thing. And that was helpful for me to understand because, like, you wanna walk out, and just hold on to that. But that's not realistic. But also understanding that, you know, this idea that, you know, the seed... The sea was just planted. Like now it has just begun.
And you've, you know, you've been able to kinda look behind the veil a little bit of what is possible. And in my case, shine a bit of light into something that was very maybe is end was very dark, but it's okay to do so. And when you do that you heal. And it's hard.
But, you know, sometimes just cutting edge, sometimes just bleeding edge, but in that, is where the real work is done, and the awareness happens, and for me the healing healing happens So, bob, you're having a a meta experience as you describe, so it isn't just about... The work you're doing and the healing that's going on for you, but you have a larger sense of this is the trajectory of growth, This is how I'm healing. This is what healing looks like.
Yeah. Looks like it feels like and the work it takes It's not linear. You know, there's no finish line. There's no rule book. I didn't know healing was needed. You know, that's how Shut down and locked out. I was. I didn't know there was a little Bobby. I didn't know Little Bobby felt the way he felt. I didn't know, little Bobby had to deal with the things he had to deal with. It was just so shut down. So being able to Kinda open that
up and recognize that. You know, that vulnerability, You know, that's 1 thing that I think, you know, tender was my word there, which, you know, the week before tender would not have showed up. You know, just no way. That would have been weak or soft or and now it's, like classic, you know, strength and vulnerability, but, I've walked away way more tender and way more vulnerable. It feels really good. You know? And it's...
Allowed me to have much more grace and love for myself, give myself a break for my daughter to really... I think be a much better parent better friend, intimate relationships. Have always, you know, again, I I've learned now. I can understand that intimate relationships are trigger for me. I felt unsafe in them and I've, you know, you know, kept people at arms length for my entire
life. So before we go there, I just wanna ask, what was the advice because it sounds like it was so successful for you just in a kinda eval way. What was the advice your friends gave you about... I know your 2 friends and they give you 2 pieces of advice. What was that? 1 friend had gone, and he wasn't 1 that had recommended it, but he... I'd talked to him that I was going, and his advice was go all in. And kimberly ready to embrace the weird. I
was like, okay. But that was very sound advice because There's some things along on the week that I would typically shy away from or not lean into, and I kept saying, just lean in the more you give the more you get. And that was very true. So lean in and the more you more you give the more you get. You... That was your self talk. Yep. Who care what people think we were on it together and, you know, amazing group of people that I was meant to
be there with those people. You know, those 8 or 10 cancellations were meant to happen for a reason. I was meant to, you know, work with Crystal and and and Regina. Who I still work with them to this day, we had a great hoffman group. We did a reunion, which was kinda Q2S, you know, year later, which was amazing about 10 of us got together. But, yeah, there was leaning in there and going all in and all the exercises was he just it gets better and better and
better. So 1 of my favorite experiences was play with, you know, 20 others, you know, adults have the most... Enjoyable, pure, authentic time of play together was extremely powerful because I realized I felt safe. And it goes back to the idea of being safe. And it's just an amazing experience. The lack of safety in your childhood. And the safety you felt at Hoffman in contrast. Yeah. I am safe and day to day, of
course, but carrying with me. This idea that I'm not safe, came with me the emotions, intentions, and reactions that I've carried since little Bobby felt unsafe with me. And Peanut will understand. Okay. These are patterns. I can see them coming up. I can understand where they come from now. I mean, just to understand what it is, but it even is a pattern or a reaction then be able to tie that back to, like, oh, okay. This goes back to a time,
I didn't even look at or understand. And just be able to tie all that together has been able to inform how I live today much much better. Beautiful. Beautiful. The the rewards of the work were immediate and visceral. Okay. So you come back into life, you do not become a monk, and instead you embrace the world post process and you began to talk about experiencing some of the benefits of it, the changes and get you were about to reference relationships and intimate partnerships and what happens?
Yeah. I mean, I I came back and It is a integration. You know, you long for what it... What you had there and what it was, but you have to understand it's... It will it will probably never be that. But you can still carry that with you. My life, you know, it's not radically different, but there's things there are that came back, and I'm... Historically I would go go go. Right. Like, I would just go on my life, go work, go sport, hard hard hard. I remember.
As a kid, It's a Sunday night, and I'm like, let's go to Turkey hill, which is, like, the Pennsylvania version of of 07:11. My mom's like, why? I just always had to go. You know, I wanted just keep moving and moving and moving. And Regina used to always say Bobby, slow it down. Slow it down. And so I came back with, you know, that mantra, you know, kind of from her, slow it down. And I realized that I went because I was... I didn't wanna it sit still because I didn't wanna feel.
I didn't want to have the space to think or to reflect. So post process, the Tv is not on in the background. You know, I'm not filling the space with things all the time. You know, I have a morning routine that is an hour ish that includes a quad. And include some journal and some meditation, but just some space and time to slow down and be with myself. And my feelings and the q, that was something I've never done before. And I realized because I was... I didn't like what I felt.
Grow scared of it or it felt bad. And now it's like, oh, it's okay to feel bad. I see that with parenting. And my daughter down and out. Like instead of I'm trying to fix it. Hey. It's okay. Yeah. That must that must hurt. I bet that hurts. And also that j position, I can be sad and hopeful. Again, it's not linear, but like, oh, yeah, I can be frustrated, and I can be joyful. All these emotions are not good or bad. They are. That has been a big shift for me. So, yeah, float it down space,
it's not easy. You know, There's a lot days where are really hard and there's times from the commanding ignorance it's says bliss if I would wouldn't haven't never done that. I'd still be this robot and, you know, I, you know, I definitely flip back and forth there to this day. Even being asked to be on this podcast is like, why me. Right? I'm just the nobody. I'm a ghost
to the machine. But we've all got our stories, and we've all got our paths, and mine is probably not that uncommon, and it has changed my life, Has it's been transformational. But I still struggle. You know, 1 thing that has come out of it is that was able to continue to have the tools encourage to keep looking at things in my life and keep trying to understand and unpack, patterns, etcetera. And like I said, I I've always kept people at a arm length because I feel I have felt safer alone.
I have felt safer, reliant on myself. I have felt safer even where I live in the foot hills a boulder. Is this inter... Or is this me trying to be safe? And those are things I'm thinking about. And, you know, I continue to unpack some other things in my childhood. When I was in that bad boy stage, going down the wrong path. I was like, I need to get out of here. Because I don't get out of here. I'm gonna end up in a place. I don't wanna
be. If I even make it. And so I went to a boarding school and had the opportunity to kinda leave the town I was living in and kind of reinvent myself went to a boarding school there, I had some really difficult moments, and my boundaries were crossed. Multiple times, by a a person that was in a place of authority that was supposed to be mike Pro, my dorm dad, my teacher, by Guardian, and did things that shouldn't have happened.
And things that I hadn't just again had shut away and ran away from that school, you know, it was there for just about 2 years and it burnt down. I don't know the specifics, but I can imagine why it was set on fire. In the school closed, and I was able to go to a different school up in Vermont, boarding school which was
a phenomenal experience. But that experience at that boarding school, there were some sexual abuse and massive manipulation, massive mind fuck and I just ran away from it, and ran away to Vermont, and and that had been my pattern, you know, run away from things, you know, be alone, be by yourself, be safe, and then connecting intimacy with ugliness. Intimacy with shame, intimacy with pain. And those are the things I'm working through now, even the sit here and have this conversation.
It's not not easy, but it is extremely vulnerable. I was gonna ask how are you doing? As you talk about this? I kinda have to go in the robot mode to just just to let it rip. So a little a little bit of healthy disconnecting as you tell it. Yeah. But I've learned like vulnerability is the antidote shame. You know, so the more vulnerable I am, and, you, it's close cousin courage. The more I can rise above. I'm not at the place where it's like, oh, it didn't happen to me It happened
for me. That doesn't work for me, but it has happened to me and is part of my story and is part of who I am, And now I have the awareness and understanding of how different chapters of my story impact who I am today. And impact how I relate to myself and those around me. And by no means, is it am I, you know, through, but I have the understanding and awareness more so than ever to be able to do the work.
You didn't name sexual abuse as a pattern in the process that patterns that come from it that wasn't something you worked with. No. I didn't put it in my homework. I didn't speak to it. But, you know, it was there. Mh. It was in me, but I I wasn't ready too let. Come up. And maybe it just took a moment to get there because it was picked by brick.
I think it speaks to the power of the work in the process and the momentum you talked about of actually paying dividends, post process so that you have the courage and the capacity and the will to look at things and metabolize the pain in the shame of all of that, so you can continue your healing journey even though you're not at the process. Yeah. Absolutely. I mean, it again is it goes back to that. There's proof. Right? You put the time in, or you do some of the work and
it has the dividends. Right? There's there's a payback. You chip away at it. You know, you might not ever get through in this lifetime, but you keep chipping it away. I feel better about it. I feel better for it. You know, when we did that reunion is when the kind of sexual abuse stuff really popped up, we were doing a elevators exercise with a couple others who at this point, I've had a relationship for a year with. So we all had the same experience. We all had similar experiences I should say,
and it's like, wow. Me too. Me too. So this elevator tool, Used to help people uncover patterns in their childhood, you're doing it in a group, and it's a a self experience. So it's within you, but there are other people on that same visualization. And afterwards in the sharing, the similar experiences of sexual abuse came up amongst the men in it. What was that like? I mean, it was powerful. I mean, 1 of the gentlemen, you know, I talked to his story and then it gave me...
License or permission or more comfort to also tell mine, because we're in it together, and there's no judgment. There's no criticism, nothing but love and support. Yeah. That was powerful. And is sad too. It's sad. Clearly, you know, just this stuff should not be happening. But if I don't continue to work through it. Or don't continue to process it. I would be doing myself and those around me into service, living a life that and existence that's not that's not authentic, I guess or just tarnish.
Just held back. And and now, I... There's still lots of things I can do better, and I better decisions and I'm by no means perfect. You know, there is no there is no magic pill here, but there is a a path, you know, right road left road, and I I recognize recognized the difference between the 2, and I recognize why you can get pulled to 1 versus the other, and then I can do something with that. Versus just being blind, you know, sleep at the wheel, literally, for for years.
Right? And it it allows me to be compassionate and empathetic for me and others And with relationships, I believe I am much much more vulnerable and much more open and when I do that, what comes back is just that. This vulnerable courageous connection and love. So my relationships have been so much better.
And so much more meaningful, and I look forward to continuing to to lean into that and have a richer more full meaningful life versus that shutdown stoic grinding of gears you know, stuck person. What else would you say about your life post process? And integrating and practicing this authentic right road Bobby. That I am worthy that I am lovable. And when you say that those aren't just words, like you have an embodied sense of that, I can see. Yeah. They are not just words.
I struggle with it. A lot. Back and forth. The tension remains, but I have a much better understanding of that there is even attention where it comes from and how to help manage that. I realized I don't have to prove anything to anyone I don't have to achieve anything when anything or earn anything or whatever that may be that as I am, I am whole. That is powerful, and it's exciting. It really is because it gives me a a lens to a world that I didn't know existed.
Yeah. I sit here right now and just feel peaceful. I feel content. I wish I could have worked through some of these things much much earlier. I just turned 50. So I have some regret, but remorse around that? Like, wow. Did I get cheated out of or I lose years or moments or relationships ensure I I did. I have, but I have to honor what happened and where how I got here and focus on energy into, you know, right now right here. And things are good. You know, that idea of slowing down
has been has been crucial for me. You know, as you say that I think about your Instagram handle of too fast Africa. And in the irony that that Regina words to you over and over again, we're slow down, bobby. Slow it down, bobby. Yeah. And by by slowing down and doing this work, I've been given the gift of looking into my past, understanding my past begin healing my past, and probably more importantly than anything is make peace with my past and just be like, that is my story.
And it sounds like you get to rewrite it. Yeah. I feel like it's kinda and not a midlife are we say not a midlife crisis, but a midlife awakening. You know, I feel like I have woken up, and I'm no longer asleep at the wheel, and that is that is a gift. I get to share that with others too, which is also very rewarding and gratifying. I know you're beginning to do that with Ceos and and people in the corporate world sharing your story, what's it like to tell your story here today for this podcast.
I have told my story, you know, leadership groups and others, and when I've told it you don't know what to expect. And what has come of it is that people come up and connect. They're me too or it's that healing community. It has been very powerful. So it's a healing for me, but also to I can benefit others by like, hey, it's okay to crack it open. It's okay to shine some light into the darkness. If It's okay to look some that you've never looked before.
And then to see how that pebble drops in that pond. And then another pond, another pond and grown it together. So I've really enjoyed working with, you know, all types And, you know, you talk about leadership and you talk about P and L and cash flows, but ultimately, you end up talking about vulnerability. And you talk about working with people, and it comes back to family, love, and support and understanding people relating to to your failure not your successes.
That's been really rewarding because it's just that their idea of vulnerability, and tender. Tender, tender feels good. There's that word. Bob, for for your tender ness throughout this episode. I'm... So grateful. So grateful. Thank you. I'm grateful for you, Drew for creating the space an opportunity and the work you do, and, you know, the work you've done with me. I'm very grateful for that, in the process and all all those that are involved in it and I appreciate myself for showing up
today. You can feel that came you. How feel? Feels great. Yeah. On word enough upward. Let's go. Thank you, Bobby. Thank you. Thank you for listening to our podcast. My name is Liza and Rossi. I'm the Ceo and President of Hoffman Institute Foundation. And I'm Asking Grass. Often teacher and founder of the Hop institute foundation. Our mission is to provide people greater access to the wisdom and power of love. In themselves in each other and in the
world. To find out more, please go to hop institute dot org.