You're about to hear a conversation with Davey Cabo. Davey is a former Hoffman process teacher and former director of training and Director of faculty right here at the Hoffman Institute. Now I mentioned that because she left a job as she absolutely loved after 17 years, and at age 49. So you can imagine how hard that was. But why did she do it? Because she had the courage to listen to that quiet voice inside of her.
Telling her that she had something to create that she had something to give back to the world. Davey Story is a beautiful embodiment of her trusting her intuition, leaning into her support system and taking courageous act. So to those you who are facing a transition in your life or an upcoming change, listen up because davey story will most definitely move you and even motivate you. Enjoy it. Welcome to Loves everyday radius. A podcast brought to you by the Hoffman Institute.
My name is Sharon Moore, and I'm 1 of your hosts. And on this podcast, we talked to hoffman graduates about how their courageous journey inward impacted their personal lives. But also how it impacted their community and the world at large. So tune in and listen in and hear how our graduates authentic selves, how their love how their spirits are making a positive impact on our world today. In other words, get to know their loves everyday radius. Alright, Davey. Welcome to the show.
Thank you, Sharon. It's so nice to be here with you. Well, I think it's only fair that we... Share our history together because you are a pretty pivotal person for me. First of all, you know what's interesting. I always remember the phone call, when you called me to tell me that I had been hired as a teacher. And the first words you said was this is the easiest decision I've ever made something to that tune, and it was so flattering. It stayed with me all this time
and I still think about it. So Well it's true. I I remember that moment as well, Sharon, and I I stand by my statement. It was so sweet. And I remember meeting you actually for the first time in your process, and I remember us connecting over... Yeah, shoes. I think we were wearing the same shoes. Something like that. Yeah. So so for Con, Davey, not only gave me that magical phone call that then put me into a chapter that has... Permanently changed my life for the better, but also
was my trainer with my cohort. She was also my teacher trainer when I was actually an intern in the classroom. She was the process director. She was the director of faculty and the vice president all while I started to becoming a hoffman teacher. So to say that you are an important person in my journey is quite the understatement, So suffice it to say. I'm very, very happy to be connected and to be having you on the show. So since Hoffman is what, brought us together.
I'd love to just start with that. Can you bring us to when you took the process, why you took the process? What what brought you to the half process in the first place. So, yeah. I was just reflecting on that before we were about to have this conversation and unbelievably, it was more than 2 decades ago.
It was 19 96, and a friend of mine had just come home from having done the process, and I remember She got home on a Monday, and she drove to my house, knocked to my door and said you have to go and do this. She was right. I did have to. I knew it immediately that I would and that I should and that I would, and I made the call that day, and you know, the process was incredibly meaningful and powerful for me for so many reasons, but 1 of them was... I immediately
saw... This is the work I wanna do. So while I had incredible breakthroughs and healing with my parents and healing with many, many, very difficult patterns I'd been been dealing with. I also pretty quickly stepped into becoming a teacher right after that. I was already doing work as a family therapist and and working with family systems and so much of what was in the process was familiar to me. But I just I just... I thought the
process was magical. The way it was put together, and the teachers... Their professionalism and their love and their compassion, and they're they're holding of this journey and was just deeply deeply moved and impressed, with with all of it. You know pretty quickly stepped onto that path myself.
I know it's such a magical production, and I I had a similar moment where I just looked up at all the teachers and you were there and just felt so much gratitude knowing how much thought went into every detail of that process. If I wanna pick up on on this friend. So How did this turn into action? You know, I know for me, I had heard about the hoffman process and it didn't become something I did for a good decade?
What was going on in you that you had the openness or the ability to hear it or the ability to translate it into action. When this friend came home and told you this is something you need to do. You know, generally, I would say that when when something is right for me, this is something I've been pretty good at acting on in my life. So I... I'm not sure. It took much of anything. I heard it. I knew and I went, and I did it, and I I have tended to...
Move like that in my own life and when process called to me. So, it really didn't take much time, at all, and there wasn't much thinking involved. There was excitement there was joy that was anticipation and I knew that it would lead to something big in my life. And so how did it turn from you being a student to you pursuing being a teacher? Well, it just so happened. After I finished the process, a new group was being put together of trainees. I
applied for that and came. To, at the time, the way that teachers were being chosen was a bit different than the way it's done today, but we came together for a weekend and Gosh, There were dozens and dozens of of people there who are interested in becoming teachers, and we spent a weekend together, doing all kinds of different activities and giving presentations and getting to know 1 another, and then from that group, a handful of people were chosen
to go through the teacher training program. The Yeah. That's quite different than how it was done even when I became a teacher not to mention today. And would you say that being a teacher? Had an impact on your growth journey as a person as a healer as a facilitator, etcetera. Oh, absolutely. There's something about doing the kind of work that we do as teachers, and then they're kind of work I'm currently doing as well. I've always been in this space. Of working with human
beings. This has been my my life work. But as a teacher, 1 of the biggest gifts for myself, And I think for many teachers is the invitation to get out of your own way and to really show up for other people in a powerful way. And I remember in my own training, when I was prop various presentations and and getting ready, you know, to to be doing this stuff in the classroom. I remember having an insight, something like this, to I was feeling nervous about what I had to present. And I realized
much more important than my... How I look or how I speak is that I show up for the people in this room. And that they, I'm there to serve them. I am there to serve their healing. I am there serve the work that they're there to do. And if I really step aside and let that be the mission in in any given moment, something powerful happens. So, you know, learning how to do that again and again and again, and again, over the years, whereas as a powerful practice.
Again, of getting out of my own way and just showing up and letting, know, letting truth happen, letting magic happen and and really connecting with people from that place of presence without agenda is there a time that you can recall when you were a student that was kind of like this pivotal or magical moment for you as a student. There were a few of them. I remember looking around the room, and everyone in the room was... It looked to me like everyone in the room was crying your eyes out.
And I wasn't. Oh, I got so upset and worried about that fact. Like, what's wrong? I can't cry. I can't You know, I'm not using as many tissues. I'm not using any tissues. It's everyone else in the room, and and this is a very difficult day for me in the process. And, later on in the day, I had just a a moment of or falling my knees and weeping deeply about how much I wanted things to be different in my life and how much I actually loved my parents.
I remember this moment for me being something about our feelings don't come in the moment when they're supposed to necessarily. But if we surrender and we stay present, and have the intention of healing. Things move, things change. Beautiful. Yeah. They they have their own. Timeline, and it's not always on board with ours.
That's right. That's right. Now I think that that, you know, that insight for me really helped me over the years to hold students said because I think so often students are thinking they're not feeling the right thing at the right time. And well, certainly, what I've come to see is if you hold that intention of healing and and of being on this journey. The right things will happen. It just looks different for each person.
You know, that when you just said that you are weeping deeply and you, had just realized how much you loved your parents. I I got goosebumps. I really felt the depth of that realization for you. I wasn't your teacher, but was that a surprise to you? Yeah. I guess it a certain way it was. Maybe I knew it intellectually, but in that moment, I was deeply connected to it. And deeply connected to my forgiveness for them and my honoring of them.
Yeah. There are there are certain things even as a teacher that's still get me, like, when we do the visualization, when the 2 parents come together from a place of love, and you get to see that and, ugh, and it's before you're born, and that's the product. That's where you came from and it just gets me every single time, every single time. You know, this this example that you said it's it's a perfect expression of you getting out of your own way, basically.
Which was the the invitation that this is what you see in general being your work. Right? Whether it's hoffman or what you do today or what you've done probably all your life is helping people on their own journey of getting out of their own weight. Is that is that accurate? I would say that's that's pretty accurate? Yes. And so you were with Hoffman for, like, you said, almost 20 years. Right? That's right. Yeah. And, you went on to to do something.
Equally powerful in the world. Do you mind telling us what it is that you do these days? Sure. I'll I'll back up just a little bit. I I left hoffman about Gosh, 6 years ago now. I was 49 at the time. And I love the process. I love the teachers. I love the Institute and Here I am at the, sort of threshold of my fifties. And looking ahead at the next 10 years of my ride the next decade and asking. What's next for me? You know, how do I really wanna devote these next 10 years?
Having spent 17 years as a as a hoffman teacher? And and I decided to take a big leap into something that had been sort of a quiet voice inside of me for a number of years. It started a few years back as a teacher, I started to get curious that at the end of processes how often I would hear people say, how much their life had changed and these miracles that had happened and but I don't wanna go back to work. I'm afraid to go back. Work. I don't feel seen there.
I don't feel like I can really bring my full self there. I heard this. I'm Canon again. And, of course, many leaders come through the hoffman process, and then would speak about wanting to change the company that they're running, wanting to do it differently. And when pieces started to come together for me as I was sort of beginning to see the next direction for my life, and I had a number of experiences of teaching processes to groups of people that already had a bond before they came
into the process. So We did the process for a number of years at the Harvard Kennedy School, and, you know, the group of students that came in, they had previous relationships. Another place where we did it was a a boarding school on the East Coast. And again, this was the faculty. These people knew each other.
And what I saw happening in these processes where the the relationships were already established is that how they worked together how they communicated, how they listen to 1 another deeply shifted, and it wasn't just a process about my own life and my own journey. It really became a process about their relationships with 1 another. I was quite inspired by this, and stepped out at 1 point I... To go and get at masters and organizational systems. And again, continued to really sort of build, like,
where is all of this going? Where is this interest going and at 49 decided to say, hurtful, loving, farewell to my work as a teacher, which was incredibly fulfilling and to start a consulting business, coming into organizations and helping them to look at leadership within their organization and how the company is running how to create workplaces where there's truly, like, humanity is being respected and creativity is called, and there's a sense of
belonging in the organization, and there's a sense of mission and purpose, but also, there's a sense of strong
relationships within the organization. With the leadership and with each other, really to create sort of a, you know, a buzzing hive of of energy and productivity and forward movement, but that is really connected in a way to people's hearts and connected to who they truly are and being able to really fully bring their creativity and bring their authenticity into the workplace, So, you know, I set out to how about we change everything about how we're working together.
And change what organizations look like? So, yeah, I started building Or leadership, and working on this project for 6 years now, and we've done some pretty amazing things and organizations. You know, I sometimes think it's a little bit like, putting the leadership team of an organization through their own journey. We put individuals through the Hoffman process. Well, you know, at Or, we're putting teams
through a process. That really brings them into hurtful, real, honest, intelligent relationships with each other. And sort of clears the past way. For them to collaborate and work together and respect each other. It's beautiful. I can't imagine an organization that doesn't need this I don't think we're running out of work anytime soon. And people are often asking me who's your ideal client? And you know, we work with all kinds of
different companies. Now we've really... We really have a lot of experience from the service industry to the tech world. To manufacturing, we really have a wide range of clients and and the best thing I can say about who our ideal client is is a company that has a leader who's had a heart opening transformative experience and they wanna do things differently in their life. They wanna lead differently. They want to run their company differently. We
meet them there. I love all of this, and I have a long list of c, but I also wanna backtrack to the fact that you were 49 years old, so looking at 50, you were in the job that you were at first... 17 years and loved, and loved and was when you were fulfilled, and it used your skills in a in a really beautiful way, and you had the courage, the drive, some magic to make a change. And that's not easy. 49 is a, you know, interesting moment in time and 17 years. Can you break down like, how, how did
you face this transition? And what were some surprises both... In wow. I didn't realize this would be so easy and also, Damn, I didn't realize this would be so challenging. Yeah. Well, this is a great great set of questions, Sharon. I mean, I look back and I go, was that crazy? Just to hear you describe it. And I and I do. I see a lot of people who at that age. It's... We're really asking deep questions about how we're living and who we are and what's next for this next big chunk of our
lives and Yeah. So how did I leave something that I loved so much, and I loved my colleagues. I loved the work I was doing. And yet, there was a voice inside of me. That said you have something to create. I mean, I... I'll be honest, it was, you know, the first year was was very challenging. The first year, especially, I had a lot of grief to be honest, leaving my colleagues and leaving something that I love so dearly. And, you know, stepping out into the world, in a very different way.
And, you know, beginning to look at, Okay, Who are my clients going to be? And who am I collaborating with? And what are the models that so, you know, we really spent the first year building the models, and and really researching and talking to people. And, you know, while I was also grieving, grieving, having left something I love so much So it was challenging to make a huge career change. And like many other things in our lives. I would say, that it's a good thing.
We don't know how hard it will be when we commit to it. What I have done it? Well, I think I would have. Yeah. I think I would have. But there were challenges built into this process that I could not have expected. And you know, how do you build a reputation in in a new field for yourself and I had a reputation in the Hoffman world. And I didn't have a reputation in this
world. So it was really going out and talking to a lot of people about the vision and what I wanted to do and what I saw, what we could create together. And and step by step, we built it, And now we have a a thriving organization here with lots of coaches and facilitator, and I have AAC founder that I've been working with. For for the last 5 years, and I am so grateful, but I actually took that step because I I do know
that this this needed to be created. What I'm doing needed to be created for me, for my life to fulfill my my journey in this world, I I know that I had to do this. No. It wasn't easy. I mean, today, we can look back and and say that. But in that year when it was challenging in ways that you do couldn't have anticipated. What what kept you moving forward? I would say trusting that voice within myself.
I would say good friends, You know, remembering who I am and Having grateful to have very good friends who believe in me and a partner who believes in me and leaning into that to be honest. And asking the question regularly, Am I crazy to have done this, and having people who know me very well who can say, no. You are not crazy and you can do this. You can absolutely do this. My partner was just an all star in this whole process. He just so completely
believed in me in this process. I really leaned into that. Yeah. So support. I see the trend of of support and you knowing how to accept it. There's 2 things that I'm hearing in almost every answer you've given me. Starting from, why did you go to Hoffman and when? And even that answer had the dual a, support and trust, right? I'm trusting my friend, and I'm trusting my voice. It feels that Whether it's good times or bad times, you have real access a a clear channel to
this voice and you trust it. And it seems to me that this voice is what puts you in action. Like you said earlier something like, I don't know when it's right. I don't even think about it. I just say yes. So the model that I I went on to create and the model that we're teaching at Or about how to really be high trust, high performance collaborative team. We call it the the vital team model, and the model really starts with... There there are 3 aspects at the core of the self.
Self trust, self leadership, clarity, my own emotional intelligence, really knowing myself, And the second aspect is my relationships and how I relate to the people around me. This really creates the field it creates the system within which we work. It's the selves relating to other selves and those relationships create the whole, you know, the system that that we work in. And the third aspect is action. So self relationships action, how do we how do we really draw upon all 3 of these?
And trust each other and lean into our mission and lean into the relationships and lean into our own self trust. And, you know, when we have all 3 of these aspects, strong and functioning teams tend to up level. Get better. They're able to draw upon all of these aspects. I see it being expressed in you as an individual, to me, it seems like when all 3 of those things are out there, like you said, high trust high... Performance.
People are out there doing their work in the world purposefully, meaningfully impactful and that's a big deal in today's world. Yeah. And I and I... I'll come back to support, You know, having the right team around you that you can be out on a limb and having other people saying you got this. I got your back. I'm here. If you fall, I'm gonna catch you. I I really think that teams that their best really provide that for 1 another. And they
encourage. We we encourage each other to risk and really, you know, sing the song that we're here on this planet to sing, and I've got your back if you need me. I find myself so often feeling very much out on a limb with something I'm teaching. Something I'm facilitating. Something I'm you know, in the middle of orchestrating with a company or with the team, and and I look back behind me and I see the people who I know, if I screw up. I know if I if I take a missteps, you
know... They've got me. What a gift to really have a team, that trusts 1 another. And you probably know, Sharon, how rare that is. And when I say we're not running out of work anytime soon I mean, I think trust is really the number 1 issue. When we come into working with a new team or a new leader,
it's often because there are trust... Tissue going on and that people don't lean into each other and people are really operating as individual performers within a team and then there's not a lot of the kind of support that I'm talking about. And and we start with really building trust on the team and building trust in oneself and learning how to really, really show up for each other. You know, we're in a moment where I think leaders at this point, you know, you and I are on our fifth.
Season. So I think leaders at this point are young and quite possibly the generation that was born into decent social media. And maybe had social media as early as their middle school and high school years. And I wonder if you're seeing them in your group's as leaders. And if they... And if this shows up around trust, genuine trust, support, connection, etcetera. Can you speak to that
Yeah. So something that I'm seeing that is is challenging and disheartening at times is that I would say there's a a lower level today coming into any organization of the ability to really relate to 1 another socially. I would say that levels of emotional intelligence and social intelligence are diminishing. 20 years ago, if you're standing around waiting for a meeting to start. You might be talking to somebody and saying, hey, you know,
how's your mom doing? I heard this you... I heard that she'd had surgery or or, hey, you got a new cat. Let me see a picture. You know, I mean, the... These little social conversations that... People would have in the workplace around the water cooler. They just... They don't happen in the same way today. You know, people are standing around waiting for a meeting to start and they're on their phones.
And what I'm hearing is that levels of anxiety have gone up significantly in this last decade social anxiety, the ability to really, you know, form deep, solid relationships in the workplace. I would say that we've been diminished. And I'm very... I'm very sad to say that. And and, you know, even with my up 3 teenage girls, I see what happens for them, socially around social media, and and this lack of opportunity to really be uncomfortable
figure it out together form relationships. There's always an escape patch with social media and with your phone and hope, as a parent, we've, you know, certainly tried to mitigate that as much as possible with how we've helped... Handled social media with our kids, but why I really see it having an impact in in terms of relationship abilities and and how people connect and, yeah, relate to each other. In groups. In a way, I see this connection.
On 1 hand, here you were teaching individuals who would come to the Hoffman process. And then at the end, they had this like, oh, how do I go back to my partner or to my work? I want things to change. And now you are meeting them in the context of work and leadership and team and systems. And from there they get to bring that to their home life. They get to bring that to their relationships their intimate relationships, etcetera. Is that true Do you see that happening with your with your people?
Absolutely. Absolutely. I do. And and in some ways, interestingly, it's a little bit of an easier transition because, you know, what we're teaching them in the work place is about listening and collaboration and trust in healthy dialogue, how to have conflict where we're not personally attacking 1 another. How to debate the ideas, versus debate who's right and wrong. And certainly, what I've heard, again, and again, is it Oh, you know, my partner's really gonna thank you for this 1.
So, yeah, people are taking what we're teaching them and taking it right home, and Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I do think it's a little bit of an easier transition to learn these things in the workplace and then take them home. Now, There's a clearer path I I think to that. Yeah. And there's... There may be a more openness in the first place if it's under a work setting, like, I wanna be a better leader. And then you take that to your home life. There's... There might be a higher
level of openness there. Yes. Yeah. III think there is. And as, you know, as we always say that the journey of being a leader is really the human journey. You know, the doorway that we're walking through in in our work is work and leadership, but it's all the same, Sharon. You know, coming to know myself, coming to have compassion for myself. You know, we're walking through a different doorway and in the work that that we're doing in or, but it's about becoming who I
am. It's about trusting myself. It's about bringing my voice into this world, and isn't that what we're all doing. You know, whether it's soft. Process or, you know, I I have the privilege of being able to work with groups of people through my work who might not ever be able to do something like the Hoffman process, and we do a year long management training a company in the service industry, and, you know, we we work with people who have never had any kind of exposure.
To this kind of work. And wow, how beautiful to see their hearts open and to really kind of enter a path of of self discovery and getting to know themselves in deeper ways and learning more about what they have to bring to this world. That's it's a gift of I, I'll tell you. I am Am very very moved by this idea of change and how you handled change in your life in a time that was that could have been sensitive and how underneath it all is this voice that you trusted, and therefore, you
went into the unknown. You left the known and went to the unknown and you know, I don't think this will be the last time in your life that you're gonna make that choice. You probably make it on many levels every single day, and then you make it on macro levels. Every decade or so or whatever it is, and it inspires me because of my own relationship to change. And and I hope that for the
listeners, it's... It's an inspiration because we all have to have a relationship and an approach to change because it's... What's that saying change is the only constant. And boy is that true? Boy is it true? And, you know, I find that that listening to that voice inside there's something You know, when I'm busy trying to make a decision or when I'm trying to help somebody else make a decision, I often find.
Is that it's much more about admitting to myself, what the decision is or what that voice is saying versus trying to figure it out or know what I want. It's really... Oh, yeah. Admitting it. Admitting that this is what's in my heart, and this is the direction I wanna go and giving that voice and saying it out loud and beginning to move on it. I think we know. Most of us know. Yeah. I mean, I can imagine that voice saying, hey, you have you have something to create. That
probably wasn't the easiest thing to admit. That... That's what you were hearing. That must been pretty scary. It was scary. It absolutely was. And, I mean, you know, as we started talking. In this conversation, like, leaving, work that I deeply loved and was self fulfilling to me and end. And I think, you know, my fellow teachers and, you know, we're probably looking to be going, what are you doing? This is so great what we get to do
and the process and the is... You know, it's whole wonderful and yet, you know, we make these decisions that other people are not going to understand. But we still know. It's what I need to do. Yeah. It's... It... You you talked about the word trust. It's a beautiful example and embodiment of trusting yourself, trusting that intuition, trusting that voice, and going into the unknown I think it's it's beautiful. Even great things.
Jobs we love, people we love at things, sometimes things come to an end chapters end and that doesn't mean they're not powerful, pivotal and magical. It just means that some things come to an end. That's right. And I I think in general, as human beings, we we struggle with that. Especially when something is good. I'm knowing that I'm gonna close this chapter and start a new chapter. This is a this is a very very difficult decision to
make for most people. Oh, I hope I hope a lot of people are tuning into this because I think this is... I... And especially thinking about we're recording this at the end of 20 22. I think the, pandemic really did offer some deep questions and some moments and opportunities to listen to that voice to connect to that voice. And even make some tough decisions. So I think this is very relevant conversation for us to be engaging in right now. Yeah. Wonderful. Yes. Okay. Well, if I had
some advice for all of us. Who've been through these these challenging times is really to... To take the time to tune in and to hear that voice.
To really, because, you know, so often we don't actually give ourselves the quiet space to really listen in so to tune into that voice and to, you know, to move with courage, and I would say every major movement I've done in my life, when I was tuned into that voice and I was moving from courage, it may not always be that the first step I make, is the right 1. But I know that things are moving in that direction, and we can always correct the course.
In how Way... I take a step forward toward the vision toward the dream I have. And, you know if I'm going off course. I'll I'll, I'll know that, and I can... Your course correct and come back and come back. And I think it's not just about making the right decisions about moving toward the vision with courage. I agree. I agree, taking moving, the keyword, moving with courage. Not waiting not waiting until it's... Perfect. Not wait till you have the perfect plan? Exactly. Exactly.
Did you y'all all hear that? And also movement, sometimes we underestimate, movement is a big deal, moving towards moving towards is a very big deal. A case in point, year 1 of this of, look at now in your 6 we can reflect on it. But in year 1, you didn't know but you just kept moving towards. Yeah. That's right. Just kept moving towards. And I... It reminds me of this beautiful Joseph Campbell, quote that I have on my refrigerator that has been an inspiration to me for years.
When I think about having a vision or having a goal. He says that sometimes we have to let go of the life we planned to make. Room for the life that's waiting for us. So, you know, it's this way with vision and plans also. It may not be exactly the thing. You think it's going to be But, yes, it's something about that forward movement and about cooperating somehow, collaborating and cooperating with what's being given to you.
Plus staying in relationship with your vision and and letting it be shaped. Letting it be shaped by what you know and what you don't know. But movement. Yes. Courage and movement. Courage and movement, and I love this I'm gonna say it again just because it's powerful. Sometimes we need to let go of the life we planned to make room for the life that is waiting for us. Beautiful. Oh, Davey. Thank you so much for sharing your journey.
And for inspiring all of us and how we relate to change and how we relate to that voice and thank you for encouraging us to keep moving and moving toward and moving with courage. Alright. Well, I have say, also, we have to wear a great shoes while we do it. Right? Because that is where we started Churn. I we come full circle so let me say that again. So we move towards with our great shoes. Yes. But the shoes, I'm gonna clarify that are comfortable. That are comfortable,
functional and that are pretty. Doesn't that go along with the age that we already revealed we are, like, come on. It goes with that saying. It does. Alright. Well, Davey, thank you so much. Thank you, Sharon. It's been such a pleasure being with. You. Thank you for listening to our podcast. My name is Liza and Grass. I'm the Ceo and President of Hoffman Institute Foundation. And I'm Ras Rossi, Hoffman teacher and founder of the Hop institute Foundation.
Our mission is to provide people greater access to the wisdom and power of love. In themselves in each other and in the world. To find out more, please go to hop institute dot org.