My guest today is Ariel d angelo. Ariel initially came to the Hoffman process. Filled with shame and even believe that she didn't have a right to exist simply because she was a queer woman, She came to the process thinking she was gonna figure out a way to be straight. But you know what ended up happening. She found and I, quote, true, unconditional acceptance. And it is that self love that gave her the courage to come out to herself, and then her loved ones.
And today only 6 years later, she is now actively helping other fo in the Lgbtq community, find their self love, and their self acceptance so that they can live their most authentic and free lives Now, I'll leave you with something ariel else so beautifully said in the interview. My struggle became my superpower. So my friends may your struggle become your superpower, and I hope you enjoy the episode. Welcome to Loves everyday radius. A podcast brought to you by the Hoffman Institute.
My name is Sharon Moore, and I'm 1 of your hosts. And on this podcast, we talked to hoffman graduates about how their courageous journey inward impacted their personal lives. But also how it impacted their community and the world at large. So tune in and listen in and hear how our graduates authentic selves, how their love, how their spirits are making a positive impact on our world today. In other words, get to know Their loves everyday radius.
Ariel. Welcome to the show. Thank you so much for having me here, Sharon, and this is truly such a pleasure to be here. And just feel so grateful to get to have this conversation with you today. Yeah. You know, I I actually just heard you in another podcast. And, once I heard that, immediately, I was thinking... How do I get this woman on our podcast, so I appreciate you being here just as much as you appreciate being here?
Let's start with your relationship with... Hoffman. Because, even in the other podcast that you were speaking about you, Hoffman came up, and I imagine it comes up in many of your conversations. So let's start right there. When did you take the process and what initially called you to the process. Yeah. So, you know, really just diving right into it. Prior to arriving at Hoffman, I was really struggling. I was struggling mainly with my identity and my sexuality as a closet queer woman.
And it really led me to what I felt. I was hitting my bottom, and I had fully lost myself, I was so wrapped up in my patterns. I didn't even know who I was because I had so much shame around who I could. Potentially be as a queer person, and that scared the shit out of me. So I was led to Hoffman because my my brother actually went to, and he praised Hoffman and said everybody and our family needs to go and Was kinda like, yeah. Yeah.
Sure. Hoffman but I got to a point in my own journey where I was like, you know what? I cannot keep living this way. I truly felt, because I was gay because I was closet that I did not deserve to be here. And I got to a place where I was like, I just need anything to help me because I can't continue living in this way. So that's what led me to Hoffman initially where and friends who are listening, and and how long ago was that? That was in 20 16. So I was actually a...
Junior in college at that point. I was pretty young. I was the youngest 1 in my group, actually. Yeah. That but that that tends to be on the young side, although they're they're younger people who come to the process. But what I wanna point to is 02:20 16 and today is 20 22. That so that is about 6 years from when you took the process. And in those 6 years, and I know I'm jumping the gun here, but in those 6 years, you now coach people on how to experience self love even if they are Lgbtq
identified. Right? Yes. Exactly. Exactly. And I mean, I would not ever be here if it weren't dr hoffman. Hoffman truly just like, initiated this new love for myself and my journey and. I mean, I I can dive even deeper into this, but I remember being at Hoffman, and it was actually not even at the process. It was at AQ2 after the process, and I remember Telling myself, if I can ever get to the other side of this journey, but I can ever come out and and be my authentic self in the real world.
I am going to make it my mission to make sure that other Lgbtq people don't suffer the way that I did and get to live a life that's rooted in self love and self compassion. And that was at that q 2 that I just Add this epiphany and was like, this is the work that I need to do in the world. And I will get there. And so what has... So here you are now doing that. And since the journey that you are witnessing other people doing is so personal to you, what have been some of the tougher moments.
Being in the role of coach for somebody who's in that struggle? You know, I feel like it's it's interesting because as a coach or healer or practitioner, typically, we are naturally empathetic people. You know, that's why we're we're doing the work that we do in the world because we do feel things deeply and because we we do want to help other
people. And so I find that it's, like both such a gift of mine that I can connect deeply with those people, but also I need to be really mindful and create some really healthy boundaries and just create a really safe container where whoever is coming to me for support. You know, I can be fully present with them and also walk away, feeling like, I'm not totally a mesh in everything that they are sharing with me, and I don't take it on and make
it my own. So Hoffman has really helped me to do that. Because some of the stories that that I do hear with people who live around the world and are living as Lgbtq people, some in countries where it's it's not safe to be gay or to be who they are. It's truly heartbreaking. And it it continues to drive me to do what I do. But I would say that that is 1 of the biggest challenges is being confronted with, like, some really real and and sad stories, and then also doing the work that I can do with
that. Person and really not taking on that entire identity and absorbing all of that energy because then I can't show up as my highest self, and I can't show up as the safest face for them. Beautiful. And what about the other side? What's been 1 of the more rewarding parts of you having gone through your journey and now helping others go through theirs. Oh, my god, every day. Every day, I think I have those magical moments every day where I I'm just completely overcome with gratitude.
And, you know, I just, like, get the full body chills where I for a second I'm like, wait. Is this really what I get to do every single day? It's so rewarding to see my clients who come to me, feeling so ashamed of themselves so disconnected, from their from their heart from our their authenticity and to see them finally come back into connection with their truth is... I mean, there's just no feeling like
it. It is pure love. It it makes my heart so happy and I think also in that, as I'm working with these people and as I'm getting to witness their own transformations, I also am nurturing my younger self, my inner child who so badly wanted to feel accepted who so badly wanted to feel loved and safe, and it's like, I'm doing all of this for her. So it's a really beautiful full circle moment.
Wow. What a If s win win situation where here you are witnessing their transformation, helping them step into their their truth. And simultaneously, it is helping your child, your inner child, your little girl that didn't get that slowly but surely get that. Absolutely. Okay. So we we jumped quickly from 1 to the other. I I wanna go back to the actual journey, your journey. So you went in, sounds like close to rock bottom.
Sounds like, you know, you said something like, I did not deserve to be here because I realized my own sexual sexuality. Did I did I say that correctly? Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely. You did. And so can make some insight into your journey? What happened at that process that got you from this very low point to starting to build... A life that was actually aligned with who you are and your truth. Yeah. So when I walked into the process,
I had no idea what to expect. I mean, even though my brother had gone, he didn't really share much with me. He just said this will change your life, do you need to go. And at that point, I truly didn't believe that anything. Could help me. I felt like I was totally broken, totally un fixable, just really the the lowest of low. I have ever been in my life could So when I got there, I I just made a promise to myself that I would remain open that I would go all in.
No matter how uncomfortable it was that I would be with those emotions and I would just show up for this process for this experience, and that's exactly what I did. The moment that I got to hoffman? I mean, there's just so much love in that place and you can feel it. And you're like, why is everybody in such a good mood. Why is everybody so loving and kind, but that's what I needed. And I was just so desperate for that
love. And so as the process continued to unfold, I found myself just feeling more and more connected with myself. And specifically, like, yes, all aspects of myself, my body, my inner child, my intellect, but also also my my spiritual self, my connection with my spiritual self. I had never had that before. So that really just came alive during the process. And I remember there was 1 point in the process where I was standing on the bridge at the old side at the old location
of white sulphur Springs. And I was standing on the bridge, surrounded by these beautiful redwood trees looking at the creek, the river and it was the first moment that I ever in my life felt true unconditional acceptance. For all that I was. All that I was in my queer identity. It was that first moment that I accepted. Okay. You're not straight. Would stop pretending that we're straight, whoever you are, whatever you are is perfect
and it's beautiful. And that moment absolutely changed my life, and I left I left hoffman feeling that and and honoring that, and so that was huge for me. I, a hundred percent relate to that. So you go back to your life, you have this this... Sense of unconditional acceptance and kind of, you know, looking at the truth eye to eye and accepting it. What happens after you go back to your life?
Yeah. So, you know, it was interesting leaving the process and going back to college where... A lot of those people aren't aren't doing the work, you know, on a daily basis. So it was kind like does anyone understand me? Did I just go through this? I think that you leave Hoffman also thinking that everybody in the world has also gone through the process at the same time as well. It's just like this heightened state of pure
unconditional love. And so when you're not met with that in return, it can be, like, a little bit of a shock. But also really good because it it helps you continue to do the work, regardless of what those external circumstances are, but And so for me, my journey was, okay. I finally have this new connection to myself that feels absolutely magical. And I wanna sustain this, and I also wanna be able to show up as that authentic self in the world. So I knew that I was kind of
continuing the process. I wasn't fully there. And I think we're never in life, we're never fully there. It's it's always a process. It's always a journey. But, you know, I I made this, like, vow myself to just, like, keep doing the work. And so... I started to come out to people after Hoffman. And I I literally prior to the process said I will live my entire life in the in the closet. I will live my entire life pretending at least to be shirt or convincing myself
that I'm straight. I was I was looking for anything to convince me that I was straight. I was also hoping I would go in there and discover that I was straight, and that's the opposite of what happened. But I'm so grateful for it. And so I left there, and I slowly started to come out to the people in my life. And actually, the first person who I ever even came out to was in my process group. And she's still 1 of my best friends today. She's also gay.
And she has been so pivotal in my journey, you have been so pivotal in my journey. I mean, I left Hoffman, and I continued to work with you, Sharon and you were there. You were there through every step of my coming out process. And and something that I never thought I could do before, you just continued to... Empower me and and remind me of who I was and give me the strength to go there, and I'm I'm just so grateful
for you. And every hoffman. Well, and And I wanna actually dive in here because I think sometimes we can say things like, well, and then I started to come out to everybody. And you leave it at that, and I don't think it captures just how hard coming out to people can be. And, so I wanna dive in there and and and give us a little insight. What was that like? Who did you come out to? What were some of the things you learned along the way? Yeah. That's such a great point because it
it wasn't rainbows and butterflies in Sunshine. It was really challenging. And I had the tools that I did not have prior to going into the process. So the emotional waves felt a little bit more manageable. Like I have the tools to ride them, but it still didn't make it easy. It still was... I mean, the most confronting process of my life. I left Hoffman, and I started to toy with the idea of just even, like, being more open with myself
in regard to my sexuality. So I had this process of, like, coming out to myself at Hoffman, after Hoffman and not took time. That took time as well to be, like, fully comfortable with okay. Like, so let's play around with this. Let's see, like, what feels good? Like, what would it feel like to just follow these fields instead of necessarily put a label on
it? That was really helpful for me. And, you know, I slowly started to come out to my siblings and then my friends at college, and then ultimately, my parents after I had graduated, and it was a journey. Like, it was truly... It it truly took time and and Yeah, there were some really hard moments in there where I did find myself going back into patterns of will I lose everything and everyone, Will everyone abandoned me? Will I still be
as worthy of love. But my whole, you know, message to myself was to continue making the voice of my spirit? The loudest voice that I heard in that process. And I think that as queer people or as Lgbtq people, we often have a to, like, be really hard on ourselves during the process of coming out or transitioning or we're understanding ourselves and I think that that journey is just hard enough as it is and to be our own worst enemy only makes it harder.
So hoffman really just help me become my own best friend through that journey and to take my hand and say, we're gonna do this together. We're not we're not gonna be enemies. In this journey. Really beautiful point is that, you know, it's not always easy. It's it's not always easy being an Lgbtq person and to be internally causing more havoc it. By by not
loving ourselves, does us know good. And so I think I think this is a beautiful nugget here, which is you prioritized your spirit, which led you to self love. And through all your journeys of coming out, which some might have been surprisingly easy. Some might have been tough, no matter what? Each time as you said, it is confronting. Each time the patterns come up. Each time we find ourselves on the left road, looking at the dark side, every time you're coming out.
But by you prioritizing your spirit. And by you learning to self love, you are able to face each 1 of these chapters. And, of course, as an Lgbt lgbtq person, you're not done, you're gonna have to come out many more times in your life. Right? Because... Never done. Never done. So I I just think this is beautiful to have allowed yourself and really to have had the wisdom as a 20 something, or were you what were you 20 years old when you did the process?
Yeah. I was 21. Yeah. 21. As a 21 year old to know, self love is is where I'm gonna start. That's amazing. Yeah. And and it truly changed the course of my life and, in so many ways. I I noticed that, like, when I left off. I feel like there was this, like, exponential growth that happened while I was there, all of these reimbursement sting realizations and just connection to myself. But then as I let the process, like, that continued
to grow. I continue to grow and evolve as we all do, but my connection to myself, like, I really felt the re wiring of the process, the re wiring that occurred during the process and how that continues today in my life. Yeah. It's it's definitely a journey. And like you said, every time we come out and every time we face this part of ourself. For our truth or just new corners of our being, we're gonna be confronted with that left road and that dark side and we ultimately get to choose
which road we're going to take. And so every time my foot wanted to go and take the left road and go down that spiral of you're not good enough. You shouldn't be here this this and that no one's going to accept you, and then I just... I, again, I kept putting 1 foot in front of the other on that right road. And it, you know, it's it's a constant every everyday battle, I think that we all face as humans, especially as Lgbtq humans in our world today is
which road are we gonna choose today. And how can I continue to live in support of my authentic self and not fight it? Did you have any any moments where you came out family members friends or whoever, that didn't end well. That that didn't land in a place of understanding and compassion for the 2 of you. You know, that was in my own journey. I feel like I did get very lucky. And how people responded to me, at least to my face.
There were several situations that, like, left me feeling and a bit sad at how it unfolded and and a bit misunderstood, but I would say overall, people were pretty accepting. Of me. I I feel like, also what I did notice was that over time, certain, like, relationships fell away in my life and it's hard to say if that was because I was gay or or why that happened.
But I think that that's with anything even in regard to coming out, transitioning or just being your authentic self as, you know, someone who identifies as street, as we start to live in alignment with our authentic self, the things that are are ina begin to fall away. And so that has been a process for me even in these past few years that has been really challenging.
But also recognizing it for what it is and and realizing that I'm creating more space for people, things, relationships, opportunities to come into place that are that are more in alignment for me. And so have you been confronted with... The folks that you work with with situations where they are not met with understanding or, compassionate responses to their coming out or explaining their transitions?
Absolutely. Absolutely. I I talked to so many people every single day who have not been accepted by family or friends, and oftentimes what's really sad and and also just interesting is that so many of these people who come to me and say, like, I haven't been accepted by my family. They allow that to define the way in which they view the themselves. Because they haven't previously done any work around. Self love or or
self compassion. So it's really easy to take on other people's feelings or beliefs or ideas and make it our own when we haven't yet connected with our authentic self or we haven't yet been on this journey of of loving and forgiving ourself. Wow. So when you are confronted with that, is the ultimate kind of results when they work with you.
That they can do both. They can feel the sadness around the loss, but they also simultaneously hone in on their own self love and disconnecting from defining the external reactions as who they are. Yes. Yes. Absolutely. Absolutely. So... In my work. What I do, what I aim to do is my mission is to help Lgbtq humans connect back and with, yes, their authentic self, their truth, but also have more love and compassion for themselves through this entire process so that they can live
their most empowered lives. So how I like to do that is to really help them to identify and look at the limiting beliefs and patterns that they've adopt did, whether it's through this process of coming out, but also since childhood or even past lives if you wanna go into that ended see what they're carrying and see how it's been weighing them down and help them to both release and transform those beliefs into new powering narratives that truly serve them, and
self compassion, self love, you know, lays the foundation for all of the works that I do, So once we can get them to that place where they're starting to love and accept themselves that process of releasing and letting those old identities go becomes much more, smooth, easier to let go of easier to release and and in order to claim these new narratives that are rooted in love and confidence
and and compassion. Wow. III really take my hat off for your ability to work with an audience that is going through something that is so personal to you as well. You know, I can only imagine how hard it is to work with that person who you see that's been beaten down by whatever messages they got or whatever lack of acceptance They just experience when they came out, and you're able to still show up. Clearly, you are doing your work. Otherwise, you wouldn't be able to show up for this community.
Thank you, Sharon. Yeah. I mean, I have to. I have to keep doing my work every day. I I... Make that a priority in my life because, yeah, this is very personal to me is very real and I think that, also, though, I've had so much time to dive into these topics. And, like I shared earlier, it's a never ending journey. Like healing, and becoming closer to our authentic self is is
never ending. We're always peeling back the layers, but I have put in so much time into really looking at, my sexuality and my identity and the shame that was present in unpacking that internalized homophobia and shame, so that I can be a clear channel for these people and show up for them. And also, I learned through my clients. Like, I walk away from our sessions, and I'm like, Wow. Like, they really just taught me something. Like, I am equally a student on this journey.
I don't have all the answers. Like, I'm just here to help guide them back, home to themselves. That's my job. And you saying that is such a clear symbol of you doing your work. The fact that you learn every time you work with a client as well. And and I I really can see and feel that since you are in this work that is so personal, you you wouldn't have the... Quote unquote, luxury of not doing your work and still being impactful.
In order for you to be impactful being of service for this community, You have to do your work, and I can see that you do that. Thank you. Thank you. Yeah. It's so true. Do you... Think that, you know, you said earlier something around coming out to myself and coming out to others. Do you think that in the case of sexuality? It's almost very obvious. Okay. I need to come out of closet because I am a, a member of the
Lgbtq community. But do you think that all of us no matter what our sexuality kinda have a journey of coming out of the closet and stepping into our authentic selves. Yeah. Absolutely. Absolutely. And also, I think it's interesting. He said, like, oh, it kind of obvious. And it's funny because for me, it wasn't obvious at all. I had... Fully deeply convinced myself that I was straight. And And, like, I had been in secret relationships with women for years and And I
convinced myself. I was straight. And I think it's the same thing for people who are not grappling with their Lgbtq identity who do exist in the world as, a straight person. It's like, oftentimes we don't even realize or know that we aren't living authentically until suddenly, we're we're confronted with all of it with all of the patterns and and sometimes that means hitting your own personal, rock bottom.
And sometimes that also just means, like, you know, maybe you have the ping or a sudden awareness that things are not feeling authentic or you're wearing a mask in the world in some way. So it's really it's it's really interesting to think about. I do believe that we all have this process of, like, peeling back those layers taking off our masks and red who we came here to be? Yeah. Beautiful.
Ariel, it has been such a amazing heart opening, soul dancing experience to witness you, go through your journey starting in 20 16 and here we are 6 years later, You're so impactful. You're working with the audience that you wanna be working with, and you are holding yourself accountable to your own personal growth. I think this is what our world needs right now. So on behalf of our world. Thank you for doing your personal work, and thank you for doing the work in the community.
And you're so young, so keep keep doing this. What what an amazing positive impact and ripple you are going to have in our world. Thank you so much, Sharon.
I received that, and I I just feel so grateful to be on here with you to have had you as a guide and mentor in my own journey and I really hope that anybody listening just knows how love they are, how perfect and hold they are on their own and truly, like, Hoffman has showed me that my struggles ultimately get to become my superpower, and I hope that Anyone listening has that same discovery themselves, and yeah. Thank you. Thank you so much. Wow. If that is not a hashtag right
there. My struggle has ultimately become my superpower. I love that. Yeah. The good stuff. It's the it's the good stuff. Well Ariel, thank you so much for being here, and we will stay in touch, and again, thank you for your courage. Thank you, Sharon sending you all the love. Thank you for listening to our podcast. My name is Liza and Rossi. I'm the Ceo and President of Hoffman Institute Foundation. And I'm Ras Rossi. Often teacher and founder of the Hop institute
Foundation. Our mission is to provide people greater access, to the wisdom and power of love. In themselves in each other and in the world. To find out more, please go to Hop Institute dot org. To