Now you've seen the sun. Now you have connected to your authentic self, your true self, your essence. And the clouds will come, and you won't see the sun again. But you know the sun is there, and now you have the tools and practices to help clear those clouds to reconnect. Welcome, everybody. My name is Drew Horning, and this podcast is called Love's Everyday Radius.
It's brought to you by the Hoffman Institute and its stories and anecdotes and people we interview about their life post process and how it lives in the world radiating love. Hey, everybody. Welcome to the Hoffman podcast and our panel on life post process, including the integration weekend. Maybe you're listening to this before you've taken the process, or maybe you've just graduated, or maybe you're trying to get some help couple weeks after the process.
Either way, we're glad you're here. We got a star studded panel, Steve, Zena, Kevin, all Hoffman teachers experienced in this journey in life post process. Welcome, everybody. Hey. Thanks, Drew. Good to be here. Glad to have you all here. Steve, I wanna just check-in with you first. Why are we having this conversation? What's what's so important
about this post process weekend? Really, what this question speaks to, Drew, is the reality of the process is that it is a journey, a journey that you go on during the course of the week, but the a journey that you get to continue for the rest of your life. You know, the really important way of looking at personal growth, transformation, healing is that it's not a one time event.
So the idea that you finished your seven day process, and therefore you get to go back into your life and do the same things you've been doing forever, is a really bad idea because that's not the way we're designed to evolve, grow, heal, all those things I mentioned. So we call the weekend after the process the integration weekend because your body, your mind, your emotions, and your spirit have been through a lot in the course of that week.
And there is a coming home into yourself that can really be important to happen during the weekend. And so we have a whole set of instructions and best that you do during the weekend. But primarily, we want you to spend it by yourself in nature, eating nourishing things, not taking any substances unless they're currently prescribed, but no recreational drugs or anything like that. And allow yourself to reflect on, to contemplate, and to integrate these changes that have happened at a cellular
level. And so jumping back into going to a concert Saturday after a process ends on Friday or going Friday night is not a good idea because it can impact your integration. That said, things happen. We'll talk a little bit later in the podcast about how to navigate when the unexpected or life just happens.
But just holding it in the process as a journey that actually really begins that weekend, and it's this huge opportunity to change the way you move through life, you relate to yourself, and relate to the world. Beautiful. Zena, I wanna bring you in. Maybe you wanna reflect on your post process weekend or things you share with your students. But what's so important, and why are we even having this podcast? And what do you suggest in this life post process?
So we oftentimes say that each step of the process builds on the step before it. And the integration weekend is very much a part of the process. It's just not critical a step in the process. You oftentimes get to a point by that Friday where you have gone deep, you have had quite a journey. You have uncovered a lot and it's oftentimes a tender space. It's oftentimes a vulnerable space. So to take those couple of days to just integrate and let all of that land
and percolate is just so critical. A part of the process. I oftentimes tell students it's like trying to speed up a pregnancy. You just have to go through the actual steps. It's just a natural development. You can't get there faster. So those couple of days are so important. Like Steve said, yes, practice the tools and practices that you're given that weekend, but really much more so just to land and catch your breath and just be in this new space that you're in.
I oftentimes tell my students that I what I wish somebody told me is that tender space actually lasts longer than just those couple of days. And that I wish somebody told me, you know, do not get on a party bus with 10 of your closest friends from abroad and go to a YouTube concert in New York all week because it was just an overload and attack on
the senses. And just to give yourself space even those couple of weeks after the process to just land and cocoon if you need to and just have options in terms of give yourself what you need most. Fantastic. Certainly, fatigue is one of those things as well. Sleep will be a needed activity post process. But I wanna bring Kevin in here as the app czar. This conversation is being spread across two platforms, both the podcast and
on the app. Kevin, what do you wanna add here on this important post process discussion? Just to echo everything that everyone has said is it is a the journey continues. And that's one of the reasons why we created the app is to help people remember all the tools and practices and give them a lot more access to over a 50 recordings and, you know, continuing to grow. The one thing I really wanna draw attention to is we have something we call our thirty day integration,
and it starts on day zero. You know, the Friday you get out of the process, then there's different teachers that have done this over thirty days. We have a three to five minute little video that just reminding you about different aspects of the process and also have a quad check along with an appreciation and gratitude in the evening as a way to remember. It's like, oh, we get good at what we practice. And so let's practice being in that tender space.
Let's practice being connected into spirit. Let's practice remembering that you're love, loving and lovable by having a little snippet each and every day. You know, we've got over 4,000 people on the app right now and, you know, continuing to grow. And what I know from talking to people after the process is that the ones who continue to follow-up with the tools and practices have a far better landing. Doesn't mean the
life is perfect, but they can remember. It's like, oh, I forgot about what happened on day five. You know? And so you get a chance to remember that twenty five days later and to be able to have just a little snippet each and every day. Yeah. You know, we don't wanna toot our own horns, but I'll say this. Grads don't know what they don't know. And as teachers, we know something. And part of what we've formulated is based on experience and feedback that we've gotten from students.
What else would you add here, Steve, about this? You mentioned some other stuff you were gonna bring in. Not doing well, going against our recommendations. They're not rules. We want you to hold it lightly. These are guidelines. But for instance, not knowing when I did the process of how important, fruitful the integration weekend can be, I agreed after the process on Friday to go pick my kids up at school. That was okay. So I went and which is really sweet and awesome.
And then we were scheduled to go to a 10 family campout nearby, which I went to and about an hour into it realized, oh my gosh. This is not the place for me. And so was able to course correct and go home and spend time by myself and do the tools and practices and do a bunch of recycling. So I was able to fix it. But, you know, I do know stories of people that do go to YouTube concerts or end up in big congregant settings.
And it just slows down the pace of change that people have fought so hard and earned so deeply over the course of the week. Really holding that it is a journey, not a destination. We can set ourselves up as humans to think I did this big piece of work. Ah, the work is done. I can just go and forget about it. And so I really appreciate Kev talking about the little reminders because so much happens during the course of the process.
It's impossible to hold it all in a coherent way, and that's why this time to reflect, journal, work on a vision for what you want with these new awarenesses and a new sense of being is really, it's a fruitful time to engage in what's next rather than just falling back into old ways. And we do give grads a book, so pulling out that book might be something that can help you. We also have a segment on it on Friday where we talk about going home and mention all those
things. What do you think students forget, Zena? You know, what's important to bring in here and maybe from your experience as well? What I often say about my experience is that when I did Hoffman fifteen years ago, it was very much a jump start to, you know, living life on this right road with my spiritual self leading the way, but it was just a start. It's
such a work in progress. One of the biggest gifts I got from Hoffman is this lightness of being that I didn't even know was missing in my life. The other big gift I got from Hoffman is a whole set of tools and practices that I use till this day because it is such a work in progress. You know, I often get the feedback from students that, oh, you have such snow white energy. You are so calming and grounded, etcetera. And I make it a point to stand up in front of the classroom and say,
yes. And I also have incredible health energy. And now I know what tools and practices help support me in coming back to center. And I oftentimes say it's in those moments where I kind of lose sight most of that best self, that spiritual self that I am. I've learned to have my three go to practices, and I often tell students have those three when you're not seeing straight. This is what gets me back.
And just know ahead of time, this is what I'm gonna go to when I'm not seeing straight and I have lost sight of myself most. You know, I'll never forget my teacher telling actually the whole class fifteen years ago when I did this. Now you've seen the sun. Now you have connected to your authentic self, your true self, your essence, and the clouds will come. And you won't see the sun again, but you know the sun is there.
And now you have the tools and practices to help clear those clouds to reconnect. So like Kevin was saying, repetition and practice is so critical on this journey. You're not you're not done after this week. You're just beginning. Part of what you're doing there is normalizing the struggles, normalizing cloud cover. It's not a rare event. Skies are blue and skies are gray with
clouds. And, Kevin, often students blame themselves or think they failed the process when patterns or dark side messages come in, dark side attacks. It's all very much a part of living, isn't it? It's very much part of living. And I guess you we'd really try to normalize it, not just within, you know, this thirty day integration on the app, but also especially on the Friday of the process is it is going to be rough.
You know, Liz, one of our teachers, I've heard her say this many times, like, to integrate is to pendulate. Coming into the process, we're on our left road, you swing way over to the right road, beautiful, connected to our authentic being in this nice little love bubble cocoon. You go out into your default world and life hits you in the face sometimes, and you're going to pendulate over to the left road. And it's like, that's normal. That is absolutely normal. It's about how do I meet that?
You know, I know for me doing the process, I did a tricky thing. I thought, you know, I need to test to make sure this really is going to work. I did everything that was prescribed except for I didn't recycle any of the patterns about going home because if it really worked, I shouldn't need to. And as soon as I step through the door, there is this vicious cycle that just hit me right in the face. And I was like, oh, nothing worked, and it just went into this big shame spiral. And I
actually left. I turned around, walked out of the house in tears, drove off, and then okay. What are some of those tools that I remember? And I was like, oh, yeah. I didn't do any of the recycling because I wanted to test to make sure that it works. So sometimes our intellect can get in the way, at least for me it did. Do I really have to do this? If this really was so transformed, I shouldn't have to do any of this stuff. And the fact is is seven days is a short period of time.
We do get to see the sun in our own light and our authenticity, and we still have to do the work. And that was a huge wake up call for me. I tell a few classes about that as well. But, yeah, sometimes you think we fail just because we fall down, and we learn by getting back up.
Yeah. I love that point, Kevin. And and building on the cloudy day from you, Zena, one thing the process did for me was it helped me to organize and heal all of these belief systems and truths, quote, unquote, that I had about who I am and the way the world works. And so now when there's a cloudy day, I'm in a place to look for the gift in the cloudy day, to look for and see, hey, is there something else that needs healing that is out of my awareness that I get to now move through?
And so that speaks to this idea that the work's not done even for Hoffman teachers. We're continually seeing what needs attendance. The process provided me with the permission to actually get on the journey. Such a gift that continues to unfold even if my integration weekend didn't go as prescribed. Yeah. Kevin and you all, Steve, are talking about part of this is that grads feel so good.
Yes. There's some anxiety, but there's a real high that can happen, and that can be wonderful and problematic because it can give you the illusion of invincibility, when in fact, you're actually deeply vulnerable. There's a porous nature to what you've been. And when you come off of the process, life can feel loud, can it? Life can feel busy, like everybody's talking loudly and moving fast, and it's surprising. Wouldn't you all say there's a surprise nature
to it? It's very much a surprise. And even now as a teacher, you know, going on eight years, I still take time in the integration weekend coming out of teaching. I still do a dark side bash each time that I teach. You know, I still use the same tools and practices and take time to integrate back because I'm operating at a different speed. My heart is so open in a different, very vulnerable, tender way that is different speed of the rest of the world.
Even driving, be extra careful driving as I leave the process. It just, I remember each time I teach, it's like, oh, I need to be really easy with myself. So even eight years in, you're not immune from some of the dynamics that students face? Not at all. But I also find it's one of my most creative times as well.
That's one of the reasons why I take more space is I tend to write, I tend to journal, I tend to have many more creative ideas afterwards because I've unplugged from the world and all of the other work, anything else that I have in my life, connected deeply to spirit. And from there, I find my creativity is just on a completely different level. So I savor that time over the over that integration weekend.
Zena, you wanna jump in here? Yeah. I just wanted to underline a little bit of what we're saying that, yes, using the tools and practices and the thirty day app, etcetera. For me, the key ingredients that I want people to take away from this is having self compassion. It is such a critical part of using the tools and practices of life after Hoffman of life generally.
I'll be honest, I left my and did not jump into using the tools and practices immediately, partly because I was doing EMDR therapy that I'd never kind of delved into before, but partly because of my patterns, my all or nothing pattern and my, I don't need anybody. I can take care of this pattern. And here I am fifteen years
later as a Hoffman teacher. And I say that not to follow my example, but I feel like so often I talk to students who really beat themselves up for not using the tools and practices so often or not doing them the right way or self compassion is such a key ingredient in how you integrate Hoffman into your life.
To just love yourself through the ups and downs, whether you're you're using the tools, when you decide to use the tools and practices to not do it in a way that you're beating yourself up, the last thing we want for you is to have hundreds of new ways to beat yourself up, hundreds of new words to use, hundreds of new patterns rather than just coming to this from a place of self love and ease and grace for yourself. Yeah. That self compassion is critical.
Steve. Yeah. And that self compassion, which is so key, is a way to feel what I'm not willing to acknowledge typically that I'm in some pain or there's some suffering. But what that can do is it can help metabolize the emotions and give you information about what you might need, but it helps us to become embodied. That's such a huge part of the process is becoming spirit embodied. I love the saying, wisdom is knowledge embodied.
And so during that integration weekend, this ability to settle in, to allow the work to percolate down where the spirit meets the bones is the opportunity to become more embodied rather than jumping out and going back into life. And so that's one of the other big through lines of the process is how can I become more embodied and tap into my wisdom, tap into my pain to Zana's point? How can I recognize the suffering when my intellect just wants to come up with some excuse to avoid
it? Yeah. And the process goes so quickly, speaking of intellect, is sometimes the weekend is that in a way helping the intellect understand what the heck just happened. It lets the body, the spirit, the intellect, and the emotional self catch up and make sense of the intense seven days that that quadrinity just experienced. Yeah, absolutely. You know, something else that I found it very, very helpful is my life is my responsibility.
That is the most rich four pages, I think, in that entire booklet. I've reread that several different times. I was blown away. I remember sitting down in the back deck just reading that, and I had never considered probably three quarters of what was in there. And, you know, talk about intellect catching up. It's like, oh, yeah. And there's also it's like, intellect, this is not all your responsibility. You know, it's spirit so much in their bodies in there. You know, the whole quadrinity,
you know, is in there. It's like, oh, and from reading it after embodying spirit, I just found that just incredibly helpful. And I know at different times when I've struggled, I've gone back and read some of those pages again. My life is my responsibility. The other The other big tool that I continue to use out of that or a practice is the self love, self forgiveness walk, you know,
going through challenging times. And it's an embody and more embodied way of self compassion, I find it's like, you know, just physically writing things down, getting it out of me, seeing it, and then taking on a walk and then being able to let go of it, you know, in a much more embodied way. I'm glad you brought that in there, Steve. So those are two big things that
I remember. And we'll put in the show notes some links to part of what we're talking about here so that if people have questions, what was the self love and self forgiveness walk? What was the my life is my responsibility? But, Zena, you mentioned something about don't do it because you have to. I was thinking about the first day. We talk about surrender and submission and live your life post process from a
place of surrender. All the things you learned during the week, not because you had to, but because this is what you wanted for your life. What else would we bring into the world for grads? You know, one thing you touched on, Drew, at the very beginning about catching up on sleep in the integration week, and I almost wish we had this part of our official list of tools and practices, just how important
sleep is. In one sleep seminar, I attended our amygdala responsible for that fight, flight, freeze. You know, the four f's mode is up to 60% more activated when we don't get enough sleep. You know, I make it a point to share it with the students that I work with, but just how important sleep is in supporting us in using the tools and supporting us in staying connected to our authentic self and the place that's embodied
and calm and grounded. That's something that I would love to kind of put out there right now, to be honest. We ask for a reason how many hours you got during the week. It's important. It's that important. So keep up that sleep practice as we go. Yeah. I think sleep is key and setting up a realistic expectation that you might be a little emotionally dysregulated that weekend. I like to tell students you might giggle whimper. Did you say giggle whimper? Giggle whimper, yeah.
Where you are just dysregulated. All the feels are flowing through you, and that's not a sign that you're failing the process. The process is a master class in healthy intimacy with yourself, with the human condition, with others, you name it. And so there can be some withdrawal
coming out of that. And so being ready to come back into yourself and being fine with that and recognizing you now know how to self disclose and self advocate and all of these things that we didn't learn as kids and had to relearn in the process can then set you on the course to create the life that you want. Working on a vision for your life. My wife and I, we revisit our visions for our lives every new moon. So 12 times a year, we do that. And we marvel at, oh my god, blah blah blah
blah. It all happened. How can we come more deeply into love for ourselves and each other? So you're in a very fertile space coming out of the process, so use it. I'm gonna bring in and ask you all. We say, remember when you go out into the world, it's you who has changed. And so what are we saying there? Why do we tell students that? What do we mean by that? Well, not expecting other people to change for us or that we are going
to change them. One of the things that I I use around this is seeing the little one in me and seeing the little one in somebody else. When I see somebody acting uncharacteristically or, oh, that reminds me of a five year old is remembering that within everyone, there's a little kid that's hurt. We're reminding that it's like, how can I give somebody else some grace and at the same time, set up some good healthy boundaries the same way we need to do with young kids?
When somebody else is dysregulated, how do we set a good healthy boundary versus shaming and scolding them? So that's one of the things. And I have my younger self pictures still actually taped to my monitor to remind myself. One is a six month old and one is a eight year old. When I get dysregulated, I try to just ask myself, how old do I feel? And then just give love to that little one. Because sometimes I find it hard to give love and compassion to myself as an adult.
But when I look at that little six month old chubby smiley face, it's like, oh, I can give that little guy a lot of love. And for the eight year old, I can remember a lot of the pain that was there, and I can just love that guy. And so if I can do that for myself, I can certainly do that for others while also keeping a good healthy boundary with them. Nice. That emotional child photo. Steve, what were you gonna add? Yeah. People don't change because you did the process. Your
posture towards them might change. Your insights, your wishes for ways in which they might change probably become pretty apparent. But I think it's really important that we say sometimes people or events happen while you're at the process that are challenging when you come out of the process. I've had students run into all sorts of life circumstances and weren't able to engage in the integration weekend at all. And yet we're able to carve out some time a little bit after that
to dive into the work. So I think it's important that everyone listening realize there's not a formula here. And if things do go pear shaped, as the Brits say, and people get sick or arrested or these things that happen, you can put your integration weekend on pause and actually still have an incredible journey. And so it has to work for life and not be not being rigid about this, being fluid and surrendering to the reality and meeting it in a different way as you meet yourself in the
world in a different way. I'm glad you brought that in because there are events that happen that interrupt what we would have wanted for our integration weekend, for our integration life. And we can roll with the punches. We can adjust and still meet it from a spirit led place. That's great. I just wanted to add, yes. My life is my responsibility, and it's my responsibility to clean up my side of the street. That's all I can do. I can only
clean up my side of the street. I can't cross over into other people's side of the street and clean it up for them. And, yes, it's my responsibility to take a % ownership of my 50%, but that's it. You know, no less and no more. And that that's also, you know, you were talking about you've changed, but everyone else hasn't. It's really about anchoring the people around you and your community where you are, and that's all you can do. Yeah. I was thinking about that quote around
boundaries. Boundaries are the distance at which I can both love you and love me. Boundaries are the distance at which I can both love you and love me. Yeah. And that you gotta stay in your lane. Thank you, Zena. Last minute things to add in here before we wrap. I'd say from an app standpoint, let us know if you want anything. That thirty day integration was built from feedback from students. You know, basically, it's like, what were you struggling with? What did you find helpful?
Then we made sure that we put that in there, and we're always continuing to try to meet the needs and the wants of our students, our graduates. And so less feature feedback and more, it's like, this I found really helpful. This is something that I struggled with. And so we can really try to meet that within the app and other types of programs that we have to follow on. Because as we've said, this seven day is a journey into your heart and is just the beginning. Well said. And, you know, may