How do I show up in this space curated for personal growth and do so in my messiness? Because messiness is the opposite of perfection. So being clear that the moment you commit, it's the opportunity to lean into the edge of spirit and commitment and trust the process. Welcome, everybody. My name is Drew Horning, and this podcast is called Love's Everyday Radius.
It's brought to you by the Hoffman Institute, and it's stories and anecdotes and people we interview about their life post process and how it lives in the world radiating love. Hey. Welcome everybody to the Hoffman Podcast. So great to have you. We got Regina Louise here. Hi, Drew and Mark and Jason. Yes. And we got Mark Kaplan here. What up, Mark? Hi, Drew. Hi, Regina. Hi, Jay. Pleasure to be with you. Jason Beagle, good to have you. Good morning, Drew. Morning, Mark. Good to see you, Regina.
Alright, you all. We have, gathered here on this fine day to talk about the pre process experience and what students should think about, what they should not do, just kinda have a wide ranging discussion, to help students and guide them. And if you're listening to this and you've signed up for the process, but you haven't gone yet, you're right where you need to be because this is what we're talking about. How do we hold these days, weeks, months leading up to the process?
So let's dig in. Regina, what maybe one piece of advice might you offer, one thing that people that have signed up for the process should think about as they anticipate their journey? I think culturally, and I mean across all cultural context, we as humans are faced with this idea of perfectionism. And inherently in that pattern lies the danger. And that danger, if I may say it poetically, is life or the experience masquerading as mastery.
I see perfectionism as a pattern that allows the person caught in it to engage in this, as I said, mastery as masquerade, wearing it as a costume. But it's just fear dressed in haute couture. Right?
And the pattern of perfectionism actually wears ambition like armor and costume, But underneath that is a voice that might say things like, you're only worthy when you're number one, or it's not perfect, therefore, you're not enough, or how do I show up in this space curated for personal growth and do so in my messiness because messiness is the opposite
of perfection. So being clear that the moment you commit, it's the opportunity to lean into the edge of spirit and commitment and trust the process. Beautiful. I I love the idea that part of what you're saying is the process has already started, And don't try and do it perfectly. Whatever it is, allow the messiness of life and that masquerade of perfectionism. Beautiful. Beautiful. Jason, I wanna kick it over to you. In a way, all three of you, all four of us, are Hoffman teachers.
But, Jason, you have lots of experience in enrollment, and enrollment has such a huge role in helping students get ready for the process. What are some of the key things that listeners should think about leading up to their process? Great question, Drew. You touched on the topic of fear a little bit. And students coming into the work, really not for sure what they're stepping into, often get confronted with fear. And that fear can sometimes drive them to
leave or not show up. And the one of the important things to know is that that fear is normal and really just to be open and curious to what's unfolding for you. You You know, as Regina mentioned, the process begins when you pay the deposit and get enrolled in a course, whether it's conscious
or not. The best way to get through those hurdles or obstacles is really reaching out to the enrollment team and and asking for support when you need it and asking questions and being curious and just staying open as the best ways to really step into it. What does the enrollment team wanna make sure people do on a, like, a check the boxes kind of approach preprocess?
Yeah. Well, when someone gets registered, the most important thing to do is fill out the enrollment forms, items one through four on the checklist. It lets the team know if there's anything they need to do to provide special support or accommodations for anybody in particular. And from that point, it's just really important to stay in communication. You know, do the prework, which is a pretty hefty load, about eight to ten hours of exploration of negative
love. And it can bring up some tender moments, some difficult moments, but really just diving into it head first and trusting that there's somebody on the other side to be there to support and guide you. Beautiful. Beautiful. Mark, I wanna ask you, what are some, like, no goes, no fly zone? What should people not do maybe leading up to the process? Stay up all week thinking that all of a sudden on the night that you arrive at the process, all of a sudden you'll get the sleep that that it is that
you're looking for. Or there can be some admonitions around or some belief things or some internal voice around, oh, I'm coming to the process, so this is how I'll behave after the process. So I'll just do this one more time, or I'll really schedule my week super hard going into this deep exploration. So I think a big no go of that week is, well, of course, some things are gonna happen, some things are gonna occur that week.
That week really needs to be about allowance allowance of of feelings, allowance to actually to begin the exploration of what the person's stepping into. So any denial of that, I'm gonna play it really big that week, or I'm gonna really push my nervous system to the brink, to the limit. Anything around that in terms of whether it's sleep or behavior, I would say you are choosing to step into this week and how you choose to behave your ways of being the week before.
Choosing those behaviors are gonna help really set you up to how you wanna step into the process, or they're also gonna contribute to what a potential few days of nervous system settling. So I guess in a way of saying not so much what you shouldn't do, but really give yourself the opportunity for is to allow for your nervous system to be where it is that week and to really tune in with it and check with it as opposed to overpushing it or pushing it really hard
to the brink. Allow for it to actually begin that exploration that week. Regina, I wanna bring you in here and ask because, you know, the post process weekend is important. We do have a podcast on the post process, but one has to make plans for what they're gonna do post process. That needs to be done preprocess. So let's all jump in on this. But, Regina, why don't you start? What are the things that people should do preprocess to prep for their integration weekend afterward? Beautiful question.
Again, I ended with trust, and I'll begin with that same concept. It's important, which I imagine you have already covered, to suspend disbelief that you know what's best for you the two days post process. It's important because having plans set up, oh, I'm going to leave on Saturday, I've got this. Or you know what? I live alone. I've got this.
It's important that if you're going to trust us for seven days for a multitude of experiences curated to support you to reclaim your innocence, your preciousness, your humanity. Also, trust that when we say you need those two days, as Mark just said about the nervous system, all the nervous system wants to do is bring all of us home. Those two days post process are meant for that. So much sedimentation has been stirred. There is no way to know when you're in such an altered state
the type of magic that is afoot. And it's in those two days post process that the emotions, the spirit, the body, the intellect, they get to metabolize. And I think metabolization is the key here. And one gets to be both observer and observed in that time. Right? Be with the being that was just excavated from the patterns. It's a time for deliciousness afoot. Right, fellas?
Part of why we're having this conversation with you now as the listener is is that all of what we're talking about here is something that you need to plan for. Don't think of going home on Friday. Don't get on the plane. Mark, what else? In the same way, I just wanna dovetail off of Regina in that metabolization. In the same way that the week prior to the process is an entryway into the process. The two days after the process is a nice little coda. It's an outro. It's an extension
of the seven days of being on-site. And to put a little plug in for another podcast episode, Dan Siegel actually speaks on his podcast episode of the deep importance of that time for integration of that newness, that unknown, that, you know, as Regina said, being with that being, being with that newness, being with that rawness. Just a little personal self disclosure. After my process in 02/2011, I could not speak. I legitimately could not speak in the best possible way.
And I had thought going into it, oh, I'm gonna be energized, and I can't wait to take on so much. And while that was for sure the case, it did not necessarily happen. As Regina said, be willing to trust. You might not necessarily know what those two days will look like, so be willing to explore. Those two days post process for me were essential to get to explore myself, to learn what I loved and cared about and valued
in that moment. It really gave the two days post not only as an extension of the week, but they give the person an ability to try on some of that newness, some of that unknown without having to be anything for anybody else. It's just the ability and the opportunity to go inward. And those who don't give them the opportunity to go inward, go without. We'll put a link to that episode with Dan Siegel in the show notes, and anything else we talk about here will also add to the show notes.
But on a practical level, part of what this means is reserve the time, set up a place where you can stay, make that reservation at a hotel or some sort of place where you have a chance to do part of what we're talking about here. I wanna get Jason in here one more time before I bring you back, Regina. Jason, what would you add to this? You know, a couple of things, the metabolizing and the being are are two of the most important parts of those two days. But oftentimes,
students will say, well, I live alone. Is it okay to go home and be by myself there? And what people don't understand is there's often unconscious triggers in our home environments that take us outside of ourselves. And, you know, this week's work is about coming home to yourself and being with you.
So really building into your itinerary somewhere with a neutral environment with access to nature to really allow you the expansiveness you need to be with yourself for the first time maybe in forever. So there really is a a sacred tone to these two days, although it's dictated by you what that looks like.
Really just planning on that and understanding that even the people we love and the things we love take us outside of ourselves, and it's really important to not allow that to happen those two days. Thank you. Yeah. You would think, well, I'm alone. Isn't it the same as being at a hotel or retreat site? It's not because it's old and all those old triggers. That's a great point. Regina, what would you add here?
Right. And just to dovetail off of everything everyone has said, spirit just pulled on my ear and asked me to share that we're talking about boundaries here. And to Jason's point, boundaries that many people have never experienced before. The boundary of the intellect, the boundaries of the soma, the body, again, the boundaries of the emotional self, who although has matured, this is new territory. This is a new frontier of self fame.
And then in many cases the first time awareness that the spiritual self is you. That in and of itself demands a certain kind of sacred solitude. A certain and sacred kind of quieting into these aspects. So the biggest takeaway would be honoring the boundaries of the quadrinity as well as the boundaries of self. You'll learn more if you haven't taken the process yet about this quadrinity, and that is Bob, in part, reading Bob Hoffman's personal path to freedom and love,
bringing a childhood photo. Don't forget that. Bringing your mementos for your mom and your dad. That checklist is important, Jason. I just wanna touch on the mementos and photos, Drew, because sometimes they're not accessible or you can't don't have one. And it's an invitation to invite a little creativity, and it sometimes could be something as simple as drawing a picture or ripping out a magazine ad or an article to bring back or bring to your attention a
tender moment with mother or father. So it doesn't have to be a family heirloom or something worth a lot of money or value. It's just meant to be, like, an anchor of love. Mark, what else would you add here? The mementos, the childhood photo, really used to evoke memory, evoke that memory, evoke that felt sense also somatically. And so going back to kinda where we started, what necessarily not to do that first week is a lot of efforting, a lot of, oh, I have to have this item or I need to find
this picture. I need to make sure. And then going back to what Regina said about perfectionism. Like, it does not have to be perfect that what you have, what you bring, what is there for you is actually not only more than enough, but allow for that to be resonant in that moment for you around that photo, around those mementos the week before. And whatever you don't bring, whatever comes up in the process can be
addressed. Just notice the amount of efforting that week in doing as opposed to the allowance of who you are, what you have at your disposal, and what you'll bring is more than enough. And when new things come up in the process, we'll be able to address it for you. Beautiful. Regina. I would like to offer another perspective, and I am intentionally calming my voice, slowing it down. Because I want to speak to the people who may have nothing. No ephemera, no positive memories.
They may not even have a photo of themselves between birth and 12 years old, and I happen to have been one of these people. I just want to say, it's okay. And I'll say it again. It means nothing about you if you don't have memories of baseball mitts or your mother's favorite recipes or even the apron she used to bake you your favorite childhood birthday cakes. I want to normalize for those of you, for us, who were bereft of these idyllic childhood ephemeral moments. It's okay. You're okay.
And all of you is welcome. And your teacher, we will walk alongside you and normalize this for you as best we can for as willing as you are to lean in. What Regina shared just now was really beautiful and touching, and thank you for for that, Regina. It called something up for me around being able to parent yourself for the first time and give that little child inside of you the love, the tenderness, the touch that you always create as a little kid.
That's one of the outcomes of this work is being able to have that source of love inside of yourself come through. You don't need to have any idea of what that looked like when you get here. It's okay to come in with a blank slate. Because as Regina said, we'll walk beside you as you go home to yourself and learn how to love that part of you that yearned for you so long.
And, Mark? I think what what's coming up for me now is since this is also about, you know, what that week before looks like, you've already filled out all of this preprocess work. So you've already done good amount of exploring into your past, a good exploring into what's coming up for you. And so just in this moment, you've done enough. You have done enough to allow yourself to and you're choosing to come. It's like that's the other thing.
You're making the choice to step into this for yourself to to really so to just allow, you know, in the best way that you can. And that word, who knows how it lands for you if you haven't come to the process and and what you're hearing from it in this moment. The allowance of that you have done enough, you are enough, that you are willing to choose to step into this exploration into yourself and to really let that be enough. In some ways, there's really nothing
to do other than that. The only other thing I'll say is to give yourself the best opportunity to be able to step into the process, you know, knowing that the logistics, the things that you are leaving behind for that week, whether it is your work or a pet or family, you know, whatever you need to do to resource yourself so that you can step into the fullness of that exploration for that gift for you knowing that what you're leaving behind for that week is entrusted to either other people if you
can, but that you don't have to think about that as much while you're there, that you can really give yourself the gift of really being with yourself because this week is for you. This week is really for you. You know, when I hear the three of you talk, I'm struck by this notion that even before you decided to sign up, the process had begun. And when you signed up, the process is in place. And you're in the process now as you listen to this before you've stepped on to the site.
And, just holding that it's all in process. You're on your way even though you haven't started the actual experience. And to be curious and open to all of what's happening even though you may not be on-site yet. Jason, what else would you like to add about, the prework? Mark mentioned the importance of the prework, and that prework is no joke. That's a lot. There are a lot of pages there. Jump in here. It can be an intense
experience, Drew. It's an awareness tool. And, you know, oftentimes, students bulk at the the requested information or the questions asked because it sometimes can be painful or heartbreaking or whatever else fits in that circle of emotions. But what's important to know is that homework is not who you are. It's a story of what happened to you.
And the more information you can get into that, the more connections you can make in that exploration of what happened to you and who you had to become, the greater your awareness will be stepping into the work of your process. If I could stress anything as being really important in the preparation, the prework is the absolute most potent tool of awareness you can step into before coming to your process. Beautiful. Regina, do you remember your pre work?
We all sort of remember ours, but what might you add there? I want to dovetail of something that Jason said, and I think it also speaks to something that Mark said about being enough. Heartbreak. To sit with the homework preprocess is to sit with the prospect that you are enough as you are. Because to sit with that in your own dignity is the work in process.
And it's so important to do it, do it alone, be with you, excavate, using curiosity as the pickaxe to take you to the next and the next and the next to become both warden and freer from your own imprisonment, to prepare to go into the heartbreak. You're already sitting in sacred waters in that pre work. You're already sitting, I'll say it again, in sacred waters. You're already stripping away the noise.
You're already preparing your place amongst spiritual, emotional seekers and healers and curious ones, and it's about being just you. You're bruised. You come in with your bruises, maybe, but brave. Right? You're coming with your hurt. Oh, I'm about to cry. But your hurt is holy. So this is the week to prepare for some of the holiest of the holy. Thank you for that, Regina. And in this moment, I want us to speak to the people who are coming to address something that's in the present in their
lives. Some people who you're coming to address that current relationship or you're coming to address what's happening at work or you're coming to address something with your kids or you're coming to address something that's happening in this moment, another thing to really lean into into that holy hurt that Regina just spoke about is you are preparing in some way, you know, to step into that childhood pain, especially those first few days
in the process. While there are things that you might want to address in the present to give yourself the permission that we start back when you are little, when you are young, and to know, to also trust that whatever's happening for you in the present will be addressed. You are stepping into your own childhood hurt. You are stepping into your own childhood pain. You are stepping into what it was really like to be a kid in your family system, whatever that family system looked like.
So that is another thing for that week above and that you are choosing that. That is a choice. Whether there's resistance, whether you're scared, whether you don't know, who knows, but you're choosing that on some very, very big level. Beautiful. Thank you, Mark. Thank you, Regina. Thank you, Jason. And thank you all for listening. And, we wish you nothing but the best as you head into this beautiful experience called the Hoffman process. Thank you all. I'm super grateful for your
insights, your reflections. I feel your passion for this place that you teach, for the stewardship that you provide the students as they go through this wild experience. And I want the world to know that Jason Beagle, I feel very touched, is our newest teacher. And for him to be here and for me to be here with him, breaking bread is actually holy. Congratulations, Jason, and welcome to the work of your life. Love you, Regina. Thank you.
I love being with you all. And it's an honor to do this work, and it's an honor to support each human being stepping into it. So much love. Congratulations, Jason. And, yes, to everyone coming, we welcome you. You belong. And it's been really an honor to be here with the three of you this morning. The four of us I don't remember the last time the four of us were in the same place or the same area or when the four of us had a conversation
together quite like this. So I'm deeply grateful to have had the opportunity to be here with all of you and to learn and and and to also share. Oh, love you. Love you, team. Love you, guys. Bye, Drew. Love you, guys. Bye, Drew. Thank you for listening to our podcast. My name is Liza Ingrassi. I'm the CEO and president of Hoffman Institute Foundation. And I'm Razi Ingrassi, Hoffman teacher and founder of the Hoffman Institute Foundation. Our mission is to provide people greater access
to the wisdom and power of love. In themselves, in each other and in the world. To find out more, please go to hoffmaninstitute.org.