S3 Ep. 3 - "Club Soda and Salt" with Jon Hayman

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Season three, episode three, Club Soda and Salt. And I am Susie Esman, and you are Jeff Garlin, and we have special guests again joining us.

I am not Jeff Garland.

I am John Hayman, John Hayman, John Hayman, who I'm just gonna say again for those who didn't listen last week. John Hayman is one of our consulting producers on KERB. He's an old friend of all of ours, and he was actually in season three, episode two and episode three. So here we go, Here we go, Pop Soda and Salt. So Larry comes home and role is very obviously she's gonna hummy, chummy, giddy, laughing it up with her acting partner, Brad Right.

So my agent calls and and he has an audition for me for a biker. So I'm just psyched and get my Hell's Angels jacket all and my leather and I bust into the room and there's thirty actors with bicycle shorts on the spandex ones, no gloves, and I'm just going, oh, brutal, Hi.

Why.

Brad? And he's in tennis shorts. They played tennis together.

Obviously good looking guy, good looking guy, and you just you could just feel it.

You just I thought he was her tennis instructor and was one of these guys. But you know, I really want to be an actor's instructor.

I thought, no, no, he's not her tennis instructor. Partners, scene partner, really acting partner. Yeah, the instructor and they play tennis together.

This first scene. I don't think Larry's being paranoid.

I agree, and I agree in.

Subsequent scenes, I think the same thing. He's not being paranoid. Generally Larry would be there's a vibe, there's there's something going on. I mean there's not you're not having an.

Affair, but she there's a vibe.

Reason, Yes, that's right, suspicious, that's right, And I think it's good for him. Okay, and then you see, uh, you know, Larry's jealous and he says, I'm going to get a single heterosexual.

Woman to play golf with. You know, he's going to get her back.

And Larry says, he's attracted to you, and Cheryl's like, oh, no, he's not. She's being very coy. No he's not, but she knows that he is. And Larry says, you don't know anything about men, which I think is true. I mean, I think that women are completely oblivious in many ways to how much men constantly think about sex.

Oh my god, yes, yeah, so you don't.

Know anything about men, and then always says that he'll play tennis with Cheryl.

You know, he doesn't want to play tennis with Cheryl.

But well, speaking of that, I'm talking about Sari. Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do. She always wants to go biking, skiing, all this, so sometimes I have to go, Yeah, go biking. I said to her yesterday, let's go for a bike ride. I even suggested it because I know how much that means to her, and

I think in the beginning of my relationship with Jimmy, I was very clear, I'm not camping on that time.

Well, by the way, by the way, you and I should actually be together, and he should be with Sari. Sari's my handyman. Yeah, yeah, well I know that's what I'm saying. Jimmy's the handyman too. No, it's the complete Will you and I enjoy a good nap watching watching Colombo? You know what I mean?

It's like Corse.

Oh yeah, yeah, for sure.

Okay, So next we cut to you and Larry are at the restaurant Bobo's right, and you're drinking. You have a cup of coffee, drinking coffee, and his construction going on? Is luck going on behind you?

Guys?

And uh, Larry tells you about Brett, the whole thing about Cheryl's little friend Bred and now he's got to play tennis with her.

And somebody comes up behind you, bumps into you, and you spill the coffee. Jeff spills the coffee. Yes, And Jim what's his name.

Jim Stall Chicago, great guy, And I could swear at the top of that scene. I don't know why I'm thinking. I could swear he's talking to Tim Kazerinski in the best he is.

He is, Yes, But we don't see Tim Kazerinski any other time during the episode.

I don't believe.

No, we don't.

He comes up in the next episode.

Sarah live second that guy, right.

Yeah, but he is I noticed that as well.

And Jim, but Jim, I think he's Jim Jensen in this or something like that.

Something we love using real first names.

Yeah, And Jim talks about this an old restaurant trick club soda and table salt where you pour the club soda on, then you pour the table salt on.

It will get any stain out. Okay, it does work, by the way, as a matter of fact, from that show I've done that.

It works. No, it does work. But the way stop with the crinkling. I know I threw, but what were well would you do that just for that anyhow? Jim Stall, the way he plays that looking up, he looks like a really sweet doing his job manager. But here's the thing I want to say, and I wanted to say it last episode. I want to say this. The camera work on the show sucks. There's movement, but it's supposed

It's funny because I did notice it, and just from working on this show for four seasons, I'm aware of all that stuff now that I never just because you know, I'm friends with the camera guys and they tell me the little technical things, you know, And it's funny. On any TV show, everyone looks at it differently. I look at the writing, an actor will look at the actor. The wardrobe person will look at what they're doing. It's not really tunnel vision, but it's what you focus on.

So we've gotten it down to an exact SI, which really is specific and.

It's actually what reason do you think that was that?

What that we switched over?

Yeah, I would say five, oh, no.

After that, we'll see when we come to it.

Yeah. By the way, I will let everyone know when we come to it. But it's so I'm gonna use this word. It's jarring it. And by the way, as I told you from the Hour special, I actually noticed these things while it's happening, right, I would always say to Larry, why are we moving the camera from one person to another? Why don't we have a two shot maybe and a single shot and then the next one a single you know what I mean? Why is all this movement? And by the way, I do get dizzy.

Like now when you.

Watch they We were shooting with what at the time was the best which was Digi Beta okay, and it was actual tapes Digi Beta okay.

So we finished the table salts, Jim does the whole table salt in club soda, and then who walks in saying we need to talk Chef Randy played.

By yours truly John Hayman, and you quit. I'm out, guys, I'm out.

What are you talking about?

What?

I can't do this?

I can't cook.

I can't cook in this restaurant. I'm no good.

I suck.

Well, that's ridiculous.

You cooked that my house less delicious.

You don't want me. I'm doing you a big favor, believe me. What is this about? What this is about?

That didn't help because a lot of cooks, you know, it's frowned on when they poisoned someone. I had to quit because I used to. But now can I just I know we talked about this before this show.

Okay.

I am so unhappy about my alleged performance.

And I will.

Well except why I wasn't because I made the mistake that a lot of actors do when they come on the show. And I had stuff prepared in my head, which, as you know, that absolute thing. Yes, you can possibly do. Excuse me, is there a cough button? Yeah? By the way, the look on your face, how frustrated you were that there wasn't a cough button.

Well, because it was by the way, we're in a studio in Hollywood and the iHeartRadio studios on this floor, and the studios were in there kind of look like someone's den that was turned into They're very beage, a lot of beige, but there are no we don't have a well you kind of have a thing in front of you, right, where's the front. Yeah, you're doing it on a computer. The soundship, but you know there'd be a board. You know, we have no boards. We have no cough buttons.

So anyhow, if I could do that part again, knowing what I know now, when.

You bump on the table, looked at it comes through the microphone, Okay, all right.

I wish I could go back, that we could do this and get no what I know now right, But then I just had stuff in my head and it took.

Okay, I cannot imagine you, knowing what you know now, being better than you were, because I got to tell you when I was watching it, especially the second episode when you quit it didn't do anything well yet you did you gave me Yeah, there was definitely, but that when you come up to Larry and I and explain about how it's going to be reviewed. I can't do.

It celebrity celebrity.

And by the way, it felt sublime, it felt perfect. And so it's a lot of times, you know, it's like body dysmorphia. You know you look beautiful, you feel like you know you're shit to yourself.

But I think I think all actors do that all the time.

I don't. I do well by the way scripted material. I do it all the time when I'm doing something that's really well done and it's scripted. You know what movie I haven't seen and I actually am going to see it in a few weeks Babylon. I've never seen it because A I know I'm going to hate my performance and be I might not like the movie. It's a no win situation.

But when I leave set after a day, I lie in bed that night and I think, I wish I could do that over again. I always think yes, I always think, well, I always think that.

Larry sometimes he hasn't done it. It's been a few years since he said this to me. He goes that scene would have been better written.

Rarely, rarely we know it's the same feeling. I'm sure we've all done this. You go into an audition and you're a little tense, and you know it's an uncomfortable thing for anyone to do, and then the moment you walk out the door, you go, if I could just feel now relieved and relaxed, if I could feel this way before I went in, I would have been good.

I tell you a funny story about me auditioning. Is that story. Whenever I think I did great, I've never gotten the part. And whenever I think I sucked up the room, I've gotten the part. So go figure on that.

It's kind of you know, well, what that says is is that we have no sense of how we're really performing.

I have a high level of self awareness. You know, I'm extra like. I'm always apologizing to you the listener when I ramble, but I forget what I was saying.

Okay, all right, So Randy comes in. Randy comes in and says he quits I suck And Larry says, is it about the Peanuts? About the ketchup?

And Randy says, no, it's a big celebrity restaurant. I'm going to get lead.

That didn't help.

That didn't help. Yes, that didn't help. And then Randy walks out, and then they're fucked. They don't have a chef and the restaurant is opening in three weeks.

I was by the way that I was telling people, Yeah, I kind of I didn't say it full of myself, and I said, yeah, I acted with ten Dancing, Well, my acting with Ted Danson was yeah, shut up or something like that when I'm leaving, because.

You know, it was a really big star that I'm sorry about that.

And also, how come that guy does some fucking age? What is going on?

He does look the same now as he does.

It's just really the hair. I guess. Mostly we'll be right back, stay tuned. Okay, we're back.

Ted walks in and they tell him that Randy quit, and Ted said, was it a peanut thing? And Jeff and Larry at the same time no. They get very very uh so it's three weeks away. Who's gonna be the chef? And Ted comes up with the idea that Josh, who cooks for them at home, is a great cook and one should come over and sample it, and then Larry goes over to see the stain and it's all better.

The stain is gone.

Now.

The thing about Josh that I thought of in that moment is somebody who's cooking for a family of four is very different than a chef. I've worked in restaurants for years. Is very different than a chef in a restaurant.

You could be a really great cook, but you can't be see it.

From the minute the chef is introduced career. The second he's introduced, you're like, this guy could never be a shoe in the restaurant.

Wait before we get to that. Larry goes over to see the stain.

It's all better, and Jim says, the trick is to get to the stain before it dries.

Very important, get to it quickly.

Larry and Cheryl are playing tennis and Larry's talking about getting his parents an apartment, and I'm Barrington.

By the way, Larry much better at tennis than I mean, he looks like he can play tennis, and.

By the way he plays, he's a pretty good athlete. Yeah he is, Yeah, I mean he really is. I mean he plays golf constantly. But yeah, because I don't want to get me playing tennis yet, do we talk about it.

We're just getting to it. Now okay, so he's playing tennis.

So now they're playing tennis, and Larry's hitting balls, little balls against the fence. He talks about his mother getting treatment at c Pludential.

Go home on hold on him hitting balls from three feet away from a fence and almost hitting Cheryl.

What I swear to you, I'm going to kill you in that hits me.

So my mother was not getting that you treatment at sea to Sinai and hopefully she'll get better and they'll go home. I think I remember when we shot this, being very nervous, very very nervous, and saying, how can you can you control it? I got it, I got it, he did have it.

But it's still because then again Larry's a very good athlete.

Yeah. And then they run in for the Jets, I believe in the superst did well his name was his football name was Emerson Boozer, number thirty two. Yeah.

Then they run into friends of theirs. Larry and Cheryl run into Melanie and Ed and you feel something's awkward. It doesn't feel right.

Really feels awkward. Yeah. And by the way, not remembering what that storyline was, I thought that Larry had done something because it seemed like that the vibe was because you never feel people being mad at Cheryl, but they were, but that vibe of like Larry did something to them that he was going to find out. That's what I felt.

Yeah, And then Melanie and Ed leave and Cheryl realizes they never got them a wedding gift and it's been over a year and that they're harboring a grudge because they didn't get a present, and Larry's like, we flew to us Chicago, we did this, blah blah blah.

Okay.

Then they're playing tennis and Cheryl is Monica SELLI sing grunting.

Is that good? That was out?

Yeah? We're playing doubles. It would have been good.

You know what, you got to stop the grunting.

What are you talking about?

You grunt on every shot, every shot you hit?

You you you make this disgusting noise. Ugh, you don't hear it?

No, what do you mean though?

That's how I played tennis. I didn't even know how's sooner?

Well, you grunt every shot.

It's really annoying it. It's throwing me off.

Oh is that why you're losing?

Sounds like picks? Fucking hi? How do you like this, would you like to listen to this?

Huhh, I don't mind.

It, okay, I don't remember that being in the in the outline, her making the noise. I think that's how she plays ten really, and Larry picked up on it and said, please keep doing that. Yeah.

Cut to their home brushing his teeth.

Larry's always brushing his teeth, as we know, right John and Larry starts talking about he found the perfect sock and Cheryl is completely bored, which.

By the way, first off, who wouldn't be bored when someone says they found I.

Finally found the perfect sock.

I'm not kidding because it's not exactly white.

You don't want a white sock. It's sort of a.

Boring you. I don't know.

If you said to me I found a perfect pair of socks, I go, no kidding. Where'd you get them?

What are they like?

Oh?

Larry David is the only comedian I know who can enter a scene and comes up with I think I found the perfect sock. I've never been anyone before, seen anyone since who does that. Where it's just it's Alario that that is like extreme you what, and that he's to share the news. It's a non sequator. No, it's a secutary. It's a nonsecuator. No, non sequatur means it really doesn't make sense. Well it doesn't. Does non secutor mean?

No?

I'm being serious here, is like that's from left field? Is that the same thing from not? Because I say non secutars all the time. Yeah, I'll see what Molly Ringwold's barbecue or whatever. You know, that's it's just nonsense. But he was being sincere.

Yeah, but you can be sincere and come up with a non secretary as it stands alone. Okay, it's uh, it's like a secutur, only it's not.

Okay, thank you. When I want to know grammar or language, I go to John Hayman Teach English. Way you have workshops where in Santa Maka Community College, Temecula Temecula Community College. Okay.

Then they are talking about Cheryl wants to go to Tony and Tina's wedding.

And by the way, put a fucking.

Gun to my head to get me to go to Tony.

I think Tony and Tina's wedding started in Chicago, if I'm not mistaken. And I knew an original cast member who maybe had played Tina. That's just a sidebar that means nothing. But maybe it was Lake Bell. It was not like, by the way talking I'm miscasting for Tony and Tina's wedding. That would be chick se Goddess and Tony's wedding or Bill Schwartz's wedding anyhow, So again I lose my track the minute wedding.

No, I'm giving you a I'm giving you Tina's wedding.

The way she's talking about it, she's not even close to mentioning who's in it. And you know, damn well, it's going to want to go by yourself. She doesn't want to go to that, so there is no parents.

Trying to talk him out of it. She's like, the characters mix in with the audience, you're not.

Gonna like that.

Well, I enjoyed theater as much as the next guy. And then Larry's like, why do you want to go? And then Cheryl says, well, because you know Brad is in it.

She just throws that.

Away, and Larry's very, very suspicious.

And by the way, like I'm saying, it's just it's unusual for our.

Show for Cheryl to be that yes.

But also for Larry, like we always think this is insane what he's thinking. But plan he had for me yesterday that I carry out with you is crazy.

But this is not He's right, he is.

And then he's just said, you know what, I don't want to go You and Brad go out and have some beers and the Eye and the Wii. And and then she does what he does. She starts kissing him and seducing him. That's exactly what he does to.

Her, right, which was great.

But then Larry takes off his glasses, getting ready to have a little sex there, and he puts him on the table and he knocks the cranberry juice and he runs to get the club soda and salt.

Oh oh good, all right, Oh, don't worry about you know what.

It's cranberry juice.

It's not going to come out anyway. Oh no, no, wait a second, wait a second, wait a second.

I saw this thing at the restaurant today.

Club soda and salt, guts all stay.

Out, you know what.

It's an old rug. Don't worry about no, no.

No, no, no no. Wait till he is this, you're going to be amazed. Times are the But what's beautiful about this is she is trying to stop him because they need to replace the rug. It's a piece of shit. She doesn't care. She wants to have sex to get her way, and so she is just really upset. And all the reasons she gave would make me want to stop if I was going off to do that, or I would say, hey, can I do an experiment here? I just want to see if this really works.

Well, that was Larry's point of view.

He's like, oh my god, he was excited about the chance to do it exactly.

And he comes running back in with.

The massive to pay paper towels, and he does the whole routine, and he, you know, tells her you got to pull.

This if I may so. Larry comes to the massive paper towels, which you see there's no salt and club and there's no club soda. However, in the next cut there's very few paper towels and salt and soda on the on the counter, which I just love this. But if you're really noticing those things, we have failed. Like any continuity, if you're noticing, if it's not blatant, it takes you out. It takes But here's the thing, though

But I still think continuity is important because you don't want to take people out of it and want it to be jarring.

I don't find that anything's jarring, including a boom mic. As a matter of fact, one of my favorite stories I read about an interview with him Aldomovar. He made a movie in this one scene with this one actress. She went off, and when they were done and they needed to reshoot, she cut her hair very short. They told him we'll make a wig for He goes, no, it won't look good. I don't care. Let her be this way. Let her just be same actress, different hair lengths,

Off, well, you know, It's funny you're talking about this, because when you're as a writer, when you're pitching stuff, you'll notice these things and you wonder should I really bother them? In this case, Jeff Schaeffer with, Hey, you know, this doesn't really make sense here.

That's different than continuity. That different. And by the way, give me shows I was on whereas an actor, I said, this doesn't make sense. Don't logic us, Jeff. And by the way, they were all shitty shows, you know, because logic is important. And by the way, always point that out to Jeff. He does, well.

It depends on how busy we are. But I'm talking about in general, not just Jeff.

Give me a favor in those situations, come up and whisper it to me. I love whispering, don't. By the way you do you tell me things jokes as such, But yeah, she doesn't want to be whispered. I love being whispered to, especially with the sound of your voice in my ear.

But there is there's a name for writers who only do that, and I think John Levenstein is a very funny writer. He is I believe I have the term right. It's a salad dressing writer who only comes up. He feels he's got to contribute. He doesn't have any ideas, and he goes. You know, in the scene, I think the broom was over there. You know, stuff like that. And I'm talking about when logic in the scene doesn't understand. And by the way, what movie has the most content times?

I tell you one right now.

In the very end, when they're they're having the reenactment of the birthday cake, they bring in the birthday cake for Don Corleon and Godfather too, they cut to another scene.

The cake's gone.

Oh there's one. I have another one. When they go to strangle Luca Brozi and they they're in the car, exterior of the car, it's all modern.

No no, no, that that's not looking Luca Brozi strangled in the restaurant Carlow Carlo.

Yeah Carlo, right outside of it. There's all these wires, it's all modern. There's nothing yes, there's nothing period about it.

All right, let's get back to our show.

And also, by the way, in the corner of the screen she in the easton singing.

Okay, Larry finished, James con isn't Swedish, but anyhow.

Go ahead.

Larry finishes the whole club soda and salt routine. He goes back to Cheryl to resume having sex with her.

She's done. The way the window has closed for.

Me to say something is that? I mean, that's true for me, either on the instigating end or the receiving end, whoever wants it. And there's a delay in some sort, it's gone. It's gone.

The moment.

Yeah, sometimes you could get it back, but usually I'm just.

Yes, John.

They should do a lot of jokes about this on Red Skelton Show.

Keeping The window has slammed closed.

Cut to Larry and Jeff are a Ted's house for dinner and they meet Josh, who looks very innocent and young and sweet, Josh being Ted's personal chef, and Josh is very excited to be auditioning for them, and Larry's like, you shouldn't have told him it's an audition, not a good idea to tell us. And then the three of them are eating and Larry's clearly not happy with the food. He asked for the salt. He sprinkles liberally salt on the food. I thought that's what he was going to

I thought that's.

Where it was going.

Can I say something right here? Yes, the scene so John mentioned earlier, So when we filmed the scene of John actually have two stories right now.

We'll be right back. Stay tuned. Okay, we're back.

John and I met in South Florida comic strip when I first I've known him since I'm twenty years old. That's when we first met. So I'm on the set and James, my son, who's twenty at the time, is working on the show. And I see James talking to John at the same age that I was.

Yes, John was the same age when he met James.

It was really moving to me. Now. The other thing that I want to say, pretending to the show right now, is that we shot the thing with Randy quitting after we shot this. We shot that. After we shot this scene. Now I'd met Ted when we did it was the second episode, third episode. He was in the shoe episode. Yeah, yeah, So I met Ted and I was like, oh, fuck, Ted dancing, How cool is that? But I was that scene, I was thinking, oh my god, this is Ted. Gouspum's

Obviously I wasn't doing a scene with him.

When we had Albert Brooks, I think, right, holy shit, By the way, Albert with my comedy hero.

You know. You know what I always think about Ted, not in these early years, but in the later years. It always strikes me funny that Ted Danson is such close friends with Susie Green.

Not with me. By the way, it's awesome. And by the way, I don't know.

If I why is Ted so close?

Hears went on, Larry decided to make Ted a cad.

Yeah, well he is a little bit deep, a little bit.

Too, but Larry, and here's the beauty of it. So he had been the cat for a while at this point, and Ted and I are talking about the scene and he doesn't quite understand why he would act that way. I said, well, you're you're the cad. You're the bad guy. He was shocked.

He didn't know you really no idea.

He's like on the bank. I go, yeah, you have, and this is pretty This is like for the past two seasons, you have been the nemesis of Larry David, and there has been one time where you've been right dead. Larry's been right every time. I mean he's newman.

Yes, yes, yes, he wasn't in that first with the.

But but the restaurant he becomes more.

And even in which you weren't here for the first episode, he's a cad with the uh chest shirt chest shirt he was he started that relationship started to evolve.

There there was a slow build that he didn't even know.

Them before he started dating share on.

Right, but he didn't even notice. It was such a slow build. It's like when you when you do a script for a network or a studio, they note you today to where you don't really notice it, but by the time you're finished with what they've noted, it is unrecognizable for what you set to set out today. God so Ted no idea that he was the cad and I love that and his reaction that conversation one of my favorites of all time.

He knows it now, Yeah, so Larry's.

And by the way, I still get that feeling when I'm working with Ted. We become great friends. But that being said, I still am in awe. People say, who's your favorite actor? You've ever worked with Ted Danson?

There you go, Okay, I love working with Ted. So Larry says, passed the salty liberally sprinkled, and then he turns to you and he says, nice shirt. And the nice shirt is a way of saying, I'm not interested in this food whatsoever. Right, Basically, he's not following the food.

And then my shirt is not so nice.

It's a weird shirt for you to be wet.

By the way, my wardrobe through this whole period is so insanely strange and ill fitting.

Well, we had no budget.

No, no, no, you can still will get a suit that fits on low budget okay, ill fitting and bizarre okay okay.

And then Ted asked about does that.

Every time I points, I'm not okay, We're gonna move on, okay.

What do you want me to say?

You want me to just say yes, it's still fitting, yes.

And and keep on going with that. No, we're moving on.

We're moving on, okay. And then Ted asked how you like the food. Jeff loved the food.

Of course. Larry makes the face.

And by the way, he makes his lemon face, and.

And Ted says, you walked in here with an attitude. I just said, yeah, he makes his lemon face.

Okay, but do people who are listening know what his lemon faces?

I think we've discussed it before, Yes, but Larry's lemon facefore of a lemon something. Yeah, because I said, last time we had this discussion, to me, it's always like he smelled ship face.

That's the face.

And you you Jeff disagrees with Larry because Jeff says, you weigh like eight pounds.

How do you know anything? About food.

The discussion. Yeah, that's a funny discussion about people.

Fat people. Who knows more about I'm clown fat people.

There's a case to be made that thin people know more because fat people will just.

Joke about it that in my life I have been a human vacuum.

Right, So that's my point of how it in front of people eat more food, so maybe they know more about them.

I don't know what your experience. And one is more present.

One is more discerning. Maybe present. Yeah.

The other thing that struck me is the set design of this room. There's plates hung up on the walls and there's a burgundy.

Table cross house we got.

This is not Ted.

Dances dining room, whatever house we were.

In, I know, but it is not Ted Dances, and it's we've really changed in that the set decoration has really changed over the years.

The only house that I actually loved was our house, was the house we lived in in the early episodes. I thought that was a cool The cool happen really tough to get the trucks up there was on Woodrow Wilson and so hard. Where is the house up on Woodrow Wilson.

In the hills, the hills and they couldn't park the trucks there. It was the problem, but it was so But it just struck.

Me how different the set design is. Our set decorators now would never have that. Well, they would completely reduced by the.

Way I put that off on low budget and them just using practical what they had.

Right, And then Josh comes out and Ted says, gentlemen, how was everything?

Did you enjoy your lamp?

Wonderful? Wonderful, really wonderful.

Good.

Did you enjoy the plumb apricot and mint chutney?

The chutney was amazing, Thank you, thank you very much. Yes, Larry something he wants to tell you.

Yes, Larry, it was good. I just don't think it's it's quite right for the restaurant though. What was wrong with that? Saucy? A little too saucy? Saucy, yeah, kind of saucy. Is there anything else? Not really, I guess desserts out of the question.

No.

Also, I'll have to take this at I'll take this aert too.

And by the way, this is very cattish. But I think Ted's not even aware that he's being an asshole. Oh I think he is really No, look how upset he is as he's sitting there. I don't think he's being an asshole though, he's just he's made a terrible choice.

But he's throwing Larry under the bus.

You don't tell the guy he's auditioning. You just tell me dinner and so. And Ted's very upset. Is he listening here again?

But I also think Ted was throwing Larry under the bus. Larry has something to say.

By the way you tell him is definitely.

And what does Larry say? Too saucy? To saucy?

But you know what, I understand his point because I hate when I go to these restaurants that try too hard that you know, the chef wants to the culinary institute and he's.

Making no I'm not going to go in depth on it, but we had yesterday at lunch. I knew yesterday at lunch caterer like I don't. Their food is too food for me. I'm shocked at the crew loves them. And the crew does love them. I like them very much. They if they hit a home run for me, to me, it's either a home run or striking out looking that is dead on correct. Yeah, I mean it's like there's no way that it's pretty good.

We are sitting with the two biggest critics of catering on the show.

By the way, I've had how many cater I mean in the past, I've had them fired. One time I was going to have them fired and Aaron O'Malley said, the crew loves them. And I immediately.

Said, John and Jeff Garland have more complaints about catering else than anybody else on set.

We are the only ones I'm not. But you're right. Sometimes it's great, right, and sometimes are you kidding me? So yesterday it was asked, what do you want to said? You know what, I'm not that hungry. I don't like everything was so foodful. I go, oh, macaroni and cheese. Get me a bowl of macaroni and cheese. Simple, you know, okay, spicy? Who makes spicy macaroni and cheese? Spicy? Spicy? Spicy that seasoning seasoning season.

That's why you were asking me when Crafty had it. You get is a spicy and I'm thinking she out of his mind? Whoever heard of spicy macaroni? And I gave him a taste, literally.

This is what goes on on set. Everything fed him.

A little thing of macaroni jokes that ketchup and pop tarts are too spicy for me. But that one wasn't spicy. I just didn't like it the one later in the day. But who makes spicy? This is what I'm saying, leave shit out of it.

Okay, go ahead, okay, So you just me knowledging we should stop.

I said, okay, go ahead.

Okay, thank you.

So Larry says it's too saucy, and you just see Josh's sad face.

Josh takes he started crying.

Oh god, he was so steele. See his face. He's about to cry.

By the way, there's nothing more moving in any movie cleaning dramas at the premise of the great work is when someone's about to cry, that moment of trying to hold it in. That's really great acting, you know, letting it loose. Sometimes it calls for it, mostly little kids when a horse dies. And on the other side, no emotion.

That guy was great. It was like you would hurt one of his children, I know, or something like that.

And he really took it personally as it was personal.

And Josh says, Josh the chef says, I guess dessert is out of the question, and Larry says no, off dessert, and Jeff of course, yeah, me too, yeah, calf calf.

I know, by the way, I just want to say this, no matter what goes on in the show, Larry and I are idiots. I just want to make that clear. We're tone deaf idiots. That's all I want to say.

Okay, now, discussion on that topic. That's true. But you know what you are, You're misassumed. You know, people listening probably going, what does she think? She thinks everyone knows what she's thinking? All right, keep going.

Okay, So next week, cut to Cheryl and Larry driving and they're going to get a wedding present for Melanie and Ed and what should we get for a wedding present? And Larry is sitting in the passenger seat and he doesn't like not driving.

I knew exactly what he meant.

I feel like when I go, yeah, you know what, He's right, I don't feel no.

Jackie Gleason, who his step son and Jackie Leeson's wife, for I have a lot of Jackie Gleeson's stories from my childhood. Jackie never drove, she drove everywhere.

Did he not have a license? He didn't know how to drive.

I knew how to drive, had a license.

He liked.

By the way, I've got it good. Sari only wants to drive. She hates the way I drive, So I get I love being a passenger.

How did you feel me driving you here today?

John? What kind of question is?

Did you feel okay as a passenger?

Do you feel safe? Yeah?

Well, I'm making it because of what I said before. No, I if I was in my own car. And aren't they in Larry's car?

Y seen in the problem in Cheryl's car. They're in Cheryl.

That's hold on a problem here again. Now they're on a what's the driving thing called? Yeah, the process? Yeah no, no, there wasn't process. They're on the thing that you just ride as the truck drives and you okay, they're walking. They're driving down a smooth street. All the cars in the background that are driving are riding along smooth Suddenly Larry and Cheryl are driving through a gravel pit. They're

We'll be right back.

Stay tuned, and we're back. So Larry doesn't like not driving. He feels like he doesn't have a personality in the seat, and he's like, you know, well, do you want me to sing or turn on the radio? He doesn't know what to do with himself. And this is of course a setup. Cheryl would rather have the radio than hear Larry sing. And we all know Larry sings all day long.

Who is this?

It's all Green. We'll give you this tip.

Bred It's good, isn't it. You want to be with me? Is that what he's saying? You want to be with me? That's what That's what he's singing about.

The fact that Larry didn't recognize al Green was odd to me.

By the way, if I may, I picked that song and he didn't know what I was talking about. Really, I said, this is the perfect song and you will be able to play off it, and he didn't trust it until he was in post, you know, because it's not really playing there. And you know where you ought to be with me anyhow.

Al Green singing? You want to be with me?

And by the way, I want to add one other thing, So Larry does sing every day? Yes, he sings, and he kills me because they're so random. Okay, by the way, that thing, instead of being a non secretary be random the socks. Wouldn't that be random?

No, I don't think.

Somebody random, but it's not the opposite of non secretary.

Okay, yeah, okay, what was I talking about? Larry singing?

Oh, Larry sings every day? Now? What blows my mind? To Larry David that I've known for years up until a few years back. The first time I remember him singing on the show, No, I said to him, we're supposed to go to a U two concert and I said, do you even know who they are?

That was the later episode.

No, he had no idea, you know, And so I've never known Larry to know he knows classical music, you know, show tunes and Fellini like, which is are what I No hold on you're saying that now, But he didn't do any of that for years And suddenly one day the songbook opens, and they're always different. I mean, they're really different in styles of everything, and the fact that he knows them. And I will say to him, do you know who's saying that song? No, I know, I

You know what what I think that a musical brain and a comedic brain are very similar.

There's a rhythm and timing. It's all about that.

I used jazz and that's part of his you know, yeah, but his process he.

Didn't have it. He never used it. He's recently tapped into it. That's my point. It's just so strange, like the last ten years ago. Do you remember him singing all.

The time, Yes, I do remember him whistling a lot, whistling, whistling a lot, whistling, whistling.

Yes, But he knows the words to these songs and he doesn't even know what song he's singing. All right, whatever, that was not even worth the time it took. So I'm acknowledging you. Susie should have cut me off.

So Cheryl says a friend Loan to this tape, and Larry says who, and she says Brad, And then we hear Al Green singing you want to be with me, very pointed, and he's Larry says, this thing gets worse and worse, nobody.

You ought to be with me. You ought to be with me.

Yeah, and he's right.

When you're making someone a mixtape, there's implications.

Yes, just making a mixtape is a very personal thing.

But you also do it with your close friend anymore, No, but back then you did it with your close friends. Even when CDs were burned, people still did that on CDs. It's long gone now it's playless and making h want to play this is not really but anyhow to make the tape, put the album on, do the whole thing. You do that for your friends, of like, it.

Takes a lot of time.

It takes a lot of time, so effort. So if it's someone you don't know very well, there's a message there.

Correct.

Okay.

Next, they're in the store and they don't know what to buy a nice bowl. They probably have all this stuff, and Cheryl says, why don't we just get an expensive bottle of wine. Larry's immediately how expensive Cheryl's two hundred fifty.

They'll know the difference.

They're wine connoisseurs, and so Cheryl goes to get the one and Larry prefers to stay in the store price.

She's like, You're like, no, I'll just stay here. I'm not going to a wine store.

Yeah, just browsing, And then the salesgirl played by lauras Sarah, Sarah's sister, comes up and says, how can I help you? And she's rather aggressive. Could we just narrow it down? And Larry's no, no, no, no, not can ring it montanga and napkin rings a ten percent off? And she starts following him around and he's just like, I'm not interested of buying anything. He's losing his patience with her. Stop following me. You've never heard of browsers. She says, please leave, and

In the car.

Oh hey, hey, Larry, hey Brad, how you doing pretty good?

By the way, who she said it yeah, was questionable because let's say you call me in the phone, and I'm riding with one of my sons, and I would say to you, Susie, I'm with James.

You know what I mean, right, and that is protocol. You should do that.

I say it much more casual.

Correct.

She was very pointed, Yes, very pointed and basically saying what Larry says. Then they say they're both going to Tony and Tina's. Are you still looking for a chef? And Brad says his friend Paul is the chef at Alsace, and let's go there after the show. And they hang up and Larry's just like, Larry's in the car.

Yeah, he says, it's so far.

Do you plan on doing any dirty talking? Larry's it dirty talking. I love that for you. It's journey talking.

Larry's in the car and Cheryl says she was just being polite, and then the cop stopped them. There's a report from a young lady that you're following her. And then we see Laura Silverman pull up the sales girl. You're sick and it's revenge and when my husband finds out about this, he's going to kill you, and blah blah blah blah blah, blah. Then they say, well, they're on their way to Melanie and Eds and they say, well, maybe we should have called first. No, And it's fine,

And they're insulted.

Yeah, they're insulted. It's an afterthought. It's too late, you know. And Larry, immediately you had no problem with the engagement faz or the shower, and then we flew to Chicago. It cost me fifty five hundred bucks. So, I mean, this thing, too, is ridiculous.

What she says, all that about he enjoyed it or he wanted to be there, something.

Like that, And she says, why did you come then? Yeah, but don't you? I mean, am I alone in this? Is it ridiculous that you can't accept to give?

I mean, is it ridiculous? And the show is ridiculous as a thing.

As a thing, that's one of the things people love about the show. I have a life, stay fury in my mouth. Okay, well I'm explaining why it sounds silly. I'm silly, but no, people love that Larry attacks these.

Rules.

Yeah, these social norms that we all adhere to. That he says, I do not adhere to this, and they have a fight with that.

When you look up what her name is, because she started she's really funny.

Who played Melanie, Yes, and she's friends with Cheryl.

She's a Groundlings actress. Cheryl produced the show with her Carrieley. I did a show with her. I guest starred with Sean Hayes on an episode of the show So Funny. It's about two older women in college. It was really funny.

We'll have to look that up.

Well. By the way, thank you for the effort.

You're welcome.

Then we're Tony and Tina's wedding, Yes, and Larry's is feeling uncomfortable. I should have won a sports coat. And Larry says, I'm going to the bathroom.

This place was on Olympic Avenue, right.

He's going to the bathroom, and Brad is in the bathroom and introduces himself as a Manngelo like, acting like.

A whole gomba.

That's the thing that they do.

Yes, he's in character. And Larry's like, all right, Brad, I know he's having none of it.

He sus I can't think of anything more annoying than go see it was the Chicago trial.

So the Chicago Seven, the Chicago Seven has a play. And when you get there, hippies greet you and they're.

Talking to you.

I said to them, it's awful. I'm pro hippy and no more.

No he's no more.

I beg of you, no more. And they by the way they look at you hurt like the chef.

He's he's having none of it.

But Angelo slash Brad starts going into a whole diet tribe about yeah, she's gonna marry that jerk. Me and Tina have a better understanding. It's all euphemisms for Brad and Seff. Then that cocksucker Tony blah blah blah. One day, me and Tina's gonna end up together. She'll finally slip in the sausage by Vema.

And then Larry does his Aian but point.

He goes telling him that I know who he is and bullshit has not worked, and Larry goes into his own Italian thing and says, really pointed ship.

Back out exactly in the Italian voice.

I love that.

And then we cut to the restaurant, i'l sace and you're there, and Ted is there, and Jeff just wants to order everything on the menu.

By the way, no one had disagree. Let's order everything on the menu because we're testing the chef. Henman goes, yeah, let's do it.

And Charff brought the three hundred dollars bottle of wine.

Go to toast.

Yeah, and she's pouring it and telling the story about the gift and they toast to the lobes.

Who is Melanie and Ed and that's why they have the lovely bottle?

And a guy comes over and pushes Larry and he spills the wine on Sheriff.

Not a guy, it's her husband.

Whose husband, Laura Silverman's husband. Oh that's right, that's right, that's right, that's right. Laura Silverman's husband was the one who's going to kick his ass.

I'm just going to say she says that earlier, right, Yeah, just way to my husband.

Yeah right, And and Brad gets up to get the club soda salt and then we see that it's Laura Silverman's husband.

By the way, what's what's going on in this? Is half a dozen things at once, you know, everyone's got a different It's almost like I got the horse ride here. His name is Paul Revere. And when they cross over each other. Yes, it's a comedy few.

Yes, have you heard that before?

I have not.

Yes, well that's what that song is called too. By the way, what a few? Yeah? Yeah, yeah. So the wine is on Cheryl.

We see Laura Silverman's husband grabbing Larry by the lapels and choking him. And meanwhile Brad has the club soda insault all over Cheryl's breast, rubbing Cheryff's breast.

Oh none, he doesn't start right on her breast. He eventually goes to the breast. And by the way, that was like a note. That might have been the last take because he didn't want the guy, you know, out of respect for Cheryl. They wanted. And then he took Cheryl Cheryl aside and said, will you mind if we did it?

And Cheryl, Cheryl, she's a game.

She said, yeah, I don't give a ship, let's do it. And then he really is really rubbing on her breast. Yeah. And you see the shot of Ted Danson and I were state of shot.

We're glued, Yeah, we're glued, rivoted.

Larry's getting the ship kicked out of him. Yeah, and the end, the end. But that's hilarious, funny fugue. Yeah, I never heard that before. That's called a fuse.

Well, there you go. It's not a non sequitur.

I it's not. If she just had nothing to do with the show, it'd be a non sequitor, that would be.

And John, We've enjoyed having you here.

And I've had a blast here. John, maybe not a blast.

You're going to come back to say that I had a blast like on talk shows.

By the way, let's let's let's actually ask you this anything the rest of the day that's going to compare to this. I'm not about the day is young. I'm a pro nap nap beats everything. But I'm in are there any good games on today?

Now? There's no sports now, so this is probably the highlight of my Well we have the ride home. John, Let's right.

The two of you came from the Santa Monica area, Yes we did.

And I'm going so John, you're going to come back later on because you're producing season nine, ten, eleven, twelve. Yeah, okay, sure, so you're coming back. Whether you liked it, whether you had a blast or not, you're coming back. All right, Bye everybody.

I thank you for listening.

Thanks John, thank you, Thanks Jess.

I see you next week.

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