Exploring the energy of loneliness

point in our life. And the reason I really wanted to do this topic today is just because so many people have known and in the recent weeks and months, have shared with me how they've been struggling with loneliness, and how loneliness is such a part of their daily experience. And I thought, you know, it might be helpful to look at loneliness from an energetic and

spiritual aspect. Look at it from nature, as opposed to, you know, more of the obvious psychological aspects that we usually hear about in media and in several books, and so forth. So that is the intention for today. So this this episode is less scientific. But that's scientific. So word that I'm sure anyone would ascribe to this kind of podcast, but it's it's less scientific and more based on feelings and based on the energy of, of the heart.

So when I sat and thought about loneliness, and observed loneliness in my own life, kind of occurred to me that I will put loneliness into three main types or, or buckets. So in the first, we've got loneliness in the actual act of being alone, physically isolated from other people, and lacking personal

connection with others. So it's not necessarily only romantic or intimate relationships or connections, you may have a partner that's at work all day, and you sit physically alone and spend many, many hours by yourself and have sensed this feeling of loneliness creeping into your daily life.

The second bucket of loneliness would be feeling alone, despite being in a group, or amongst you know, a lot of people in your life, you may have a very busy family life, lots of friends, but you may still feel this underlying sense of feeling different, perhaps hiding who it is, you truly are shameful in some way. And that can still make us feel very alone like these people don't understand me they don't get me or don't see me.

And the third bucket is a little more esoteric, it's loneliness within the greater context of the world and the universe you know, it's like spiritual loneliness it's not feeling like we're being looked after or belonging to a particular You know, there's a belonging maybe to a particular family or energy grouping. And I would include within that even loneliness within the feeling lonely just on this planet, like, you know, this journey on our on our planet can feel very

lonely at times. And there's a concept even that's being researched on something called species loneliness, which Robin Wall Kimera who writes the most beautiful, beautiful book called Braiding Sweetgrass speaks about and researches this topic of species loneliness. And it's so true as a species, we are so disconnected from other animals and beings that in the past would have formed a huge part of our daily routines and lives.

But no matter the reason why we are lonely, and I'm sure we can all fall into it, you can fall into all three buckets, or, you know, one or two of the buckets at different times in our lives. It's very painful, that leaves us feeling empty. There's this void and this longing within us. And for me, personally, I've definitely grappled with loneliness a lot in my life. And, you know, I grew up with a really warm, large family, very loving, lots of relationships.

But I was a child who did feel different that I saw the world differently and was looking in, I felt that this I was always looking in as an outsider. It wasn't necessarily truly seen for who I was, and even the friendships that are developed, you know, for instance, through school, were always a lot of the times superficial. They were one or two that were more authentic, but to a large degree. Way more superficial because I wasn't showing my truth either.

So it isn't that other people are perhaps not seeing who you are. If you're in a group, it's that you are not sharing who it is that you truly are to others. And so for me, I've definitely grappled with that feeling a lot grappled with feeling sometimes alone in the universe, like, you know, what is this journey on earth about, and even feeling alone, even though I've always largely had a, you know, a partner in my life. And friends, couple years back, I was travelling quite extensively for

work. And that meant that I was spending a lot of time alone, and with acquaintances, but you know, spending a lot of time on flattened in hotels, and a lot of hours alone. And that was, it's tough, you know, in the beginning, it's all exciting. But after some time, that novelty wears off. So I definitely can resonate with, with all these different forms of, of loneliness at different

times of my own life. And, as I mentioned, in the beginning, so many people have been coming to me lately saying that they're feeling really alone. And some are because of, you know, being physically alone or not being an intimate relationships, but others are in families in relationships, but are still feeling like they're just lacking, there's something missing and lacking. And they can sense this emptiness or this void that seems very, very prevalent in this time, and in

our world at the moment. And I think, of course, COVID even highlighted that more. For many people, it was this lockdown, and having to feel for once that emptiness within us, as opposed to perhaps many of the hobbies and activities and things that we do that fill that space in our daily lives. But no matter why we are lonely, while we experience loneliness, pretty much we all do similar things to solve it. And we can

do more passive things. So loneliness, of course, especially over prolonged periods of time, can lead to a deep feeling of sadness and despair. And it can take us into a very deep depression. And we, when we are depressed, you know, we can fill that, that void within us with things like TV, alcohol, shopping, maybe drugs, you know, we look to comfort and because we lacking the energetic comfort of, of someone externally, we find other objects to fill that, that void within us.

Or we may try and solve this loneliness in a more passive in a more active way. So we may seek relationships. in other ways, we may settle in the wrong relationship, because we would rather be in any relationship, then be alone, we may even stay in a relationship long past its expiry date, because we're too afraid to leave and to face our aloneness that we would rather settle in and stay within the confines of a relationship where we have companionship and comfort.

And, you know, you're often even hear of people who are lonely seeking tribal, I say tribal in inverted commas, but joining groups where they find they're seeking the tribe, that's kind of quite a catchphrase at the moment. People perhaps join in even religious groups or community groups, where they try and find people with commonality to them, where they can meet

those connections. What's interesting is even people who would never assume to be lonely celebrities, I think back to the brilliant Lady Gaga documentary that was on TV not too long, a couple years ago, and she said there that her life was extremely lonely, despite being you know, surrounded by people. And millions of adoring fans all the time. She felt this huge presence of loneliness, because nobody was seeing who it is that she truly was. There was this lacking of, of connection.

So you may share a lot about yourself and social media, or find other ways in your life to express yourself but there's this lack of, there's an underlying lack of connection. But no matter why we are lonely or trapped how we try to solve it. In all cases, it's because we're feeling the separateness and aloneness. And we're trying to For that, for that gap.

But the very fact that we can feel alone when we're in relationship with somebody else tells us that loneliness has nothing to do with physical separateness or isolation. But rather, it's about being able to seek connection. And it's not just any connection, because, as I said, if we make friends, we, the friendships are more superficial. So we may go to a group, for instance, say, our hobby is learning how to, to cook, and you join up at a community centre, and you go to cooking

classes. But if you go to the cooking classes, and you very superficial in the connections that you make, and you're not sharing your true preferences, and desires and personality with others, you're going to leave the cooking class perhaps with better cooking skills, but probably with very limited, true new connection. So it's not just about making connections, but about making true and authentic connections. And at the same time, it's not just about seeing others for who they are.

But also allowing others to truly see who we are. Because you can very easily go into a group, I actually have for some years facilitated occasionally not so much anymore. Women's circles. And what's interesting is that normally in the inner circle, people share, and there is this very open, authentic sharing that happens. And in that circle, this beautiful heartfelt connection, you can really feel

it, it's very palpable. But they may often be just one or two people who don't share or share something, you know, a little lighter and superficial. But but so those people it's not that they are unable to see that other people's authentic selves, they are still experiencing the other's authentic self, but it's actually the act of sharing your authentic self that then drives that feeling of connection and a feeling of belonging. Now, the word belonging is very important

here. And belonging is such a, it's actually it's so innate within us, it's it's needed for our own survival, because at a tribal level, as a species, we wouldn't have existed, we wouldn't have thrived if we

didn't belong to the tribe. And therefore this feeling of wanting to belong, wanting to belong to our parents wanting to belong to our families of origin, to other groups that we form part of, is so important for us because it actually in some level, speaks to our survival and thriving within, within community. Now, Brene Brown, has studied and researched extensively on this topic of belonging through her career, I'm sure many of you have heard of Brene Brown, and perhaps even

read some of her books. Her most famous work on this topic of belonging is called Braving the Wilderness. And what is interesting in this book, as she says, In her earlier work, she had sought to define the term belonging, and she has a beautiful definition for it. But it's very much around belonging to a group belonging to others belonging to something outside of oneself, and she shares in braving the wilderness that and she goes into a lot more detail around why this is our

house version. But she shares that belonging, she became to learn was more than just being able to, to be and to share with others. But it's actually about having the courage to believe and belong to yourself. Because when you have self esteem, when you are able to truly belong to yourself and have a relationship with yourself, you can feel safe enough to share that authentic

part of you with others. And this is what drives that feeling of belonging that underlies our beautiful relationships in our lives. So I'm going to read you the definition she gives now of true belonging. True belonging is the spiritual practice of believing in and belonging to yourself. So do That you can share your most authentic self with the world and find sacredness in both being a part of something, and standing alone in the wilderness. True belonging doesn't require you to change

who you are. It requires you to be who you are. And I think this definition is just so profound, because identifying that belonging actually does start within each of us. But not making yourself into something beyond that strip, stripping away all the things that we actually aren't and finding it is who it is that

we truly are. And the reason she speaks about this term belonging in the context of braveness, encourages, because it does take huge courage to face your inner demons, to face your shadow to face your pain, and to find out who you are despite of that. So your life story may be very, very difficult, and right now at this point in your life may be very painful. But underlying that, there is still that essence that

is you. And that is bigger than your life story that cannot be defined exclusively by the hardships, and the good things that you've gone through in your life. So working with this energy of courage and braveness is what we need in order to truly find out who it is that we really are.

And she also goes into the work of Joseph Campbell in the book who is the famed mythologist, and speaks about the hero's journey, and how each of us face a hero's journey in our life in order to go within and slay our inner dragons in order to emerge back to the world with this quality of our true authentic

self. So if you are grappling with loneliness, or this has been a theme in your life in any way, no matter the reason for your loneliness, a really great place to start, is by taking that journey within and really working on the courage and the bravery needed to get beyond that, and to know who it is that you truly are.

But for today, I want to go a little deeper than that I want to go a little more than just the psychological aspects of, of understanding, loneliness, and belonging, and I want to look at it from an energetic perspective. So a key theme of all of these podcasts is understanding the world around us in terms of energy, nature, and the world around us, including ourselves, everything

runs off the laws of energy. And therefore if we are able to start seeing things in a symbolic sense, seeing our life symbolically through this lens of energy, it helps us to just give us another view of working with a particular issue in our in our life and a great tool to transforming things. So when we speak of energy, and I have gotten into this in previous podcasts, I'm not going to go

into huge detail on this. But if you're interested in in delving more into understanding the elements of energy, I would refer you there if you haven't listened to those episodes, first, that energy, re learn that everything is connected. And there isn't one single thing, and I challenge you now, try and find one thing in your whole life that is not interdependent on something else, or hasn't got to you or in a particular place, including a stone or rock in the garden.

Because it's not dependent or there's no interdependency with anything else. And it's very difficult. There's nothing you can find that hasn't relied on other elements. So even if we take, for instance, a rock acting, upgrade, massive, massive rock in in my garden, I've got a few but one in particular and this rock is has fallen. I don't know how long ago, many many 1000s of years ago.

From Table Mountain it's it's obviously rolled down the slope and it's lodged itself in my garden and the reason I know it's fallen is because if I look at the mark things on the rock, you can see where previously water had shaped the rock, there's like little pools where water had been flowing over the rock, which are now faced, you know, facing down on its side where water now would naturally never be able to collect. So even a rock has been formed and shaped

by other elements. And something would have happened as well, to dislodge that piece of rock from where it was a rock full, perhaps tectonic shifts within the earth, which may have been caused from heat and gaseous forces within the core of the Earth. Every single thing is connected there, it's impossible to find anything. And if you can think of anything, please let me know because I would really be interested in understanding it, there really, every single thing

is, is connected. So we can call ourselves as like, I think of it as living in an energetic soup. Although we can't, for instance, see the air that surrounds us, the air around us in our atmosphere, because our atmosphere is a closed system.

Every bit of air that's in this atmosphere of ours has been recycled, who knows how many times so the air that you're breathing right now in your body has been in the bodies of countless other beings, animals, people, perhaps even famous people from the past have breathed the air that right this minute is in your lungs, and, you know, carrying the oxygen that has been in myriads of different places and forms

that's currently within you. And everything goes through the process of change at all times. So even though we can't see it, we are quite literally living in this energetic web of life. But then why do we perceive that

we aren't connected? Why is it then that we can feel because it's easy to say that but when you feel lonely, it is a true feeling, you know, there's it really does feel like there's something missing, there's, there's a pain there, that feels hollow, that there's a void, it's not just, it's not just something imagined, there really is something that feels, feels

that it's, it's missing. So because we perceive ourselves to be separate from everything else, we actually believe that we are, and therefore we seek this connection and energy from others. So we project and we seek externally, and Ram Dass speaks so beautifully on relationships, what he calls the yoga of relationships. And he says, When two people come together in a relationship, they create this third new energy, that they share the shared awareness between them.

So he speaks of relationships being like triangles, and we have multiple triangles in our life. So we have a triangle with our romantic partner with our children, with our pets, with acquaintances, colleagues, and so forth. We have these triangles where, where we have a true authentic connection with somebody, we are able to have the shared awareness, it's that heart feeling that when you fall in love, or when you just have this friendship that is

absolutely delicious. And you can spend hours chatting or when you're in a group and there's that feeling of this group cohesion. It's that third aspect that we can sense and he says that the reason we feel that thing as a new energy like say that the feeling of falling in love is actually because because all energy is one we all Sze awareness because energy is awareness. And therefore, we have a shared awareness, all of us share in

awareness. And when we are entering into relationship with another, that other person acts as our vehicle to tap into that underlying shared awareness that sits behind everything at all times. And when somebody asked him does about the question of soulmates Well, don't we have soulmates on three particular people that we just meant to be about? He says, behind all of it is the one and when he speaks up the one he means the totality of

oneness, the universe. So behind all of it is the one and that is all there is. All of us are here. He says. We're all one in drag appearing to be made. So we are all soulmates. And in fact, there isn't even the word soulmates because there's no such thing as a partner or a mate. It's just soul. And therefore just oneness. And it's so beautiful when we start to see our relationships in that

way. And that's why it hurts so badly when somebody we love leaves as we go through a breakup or a bereavement, or we, you know, maybe move countries and we feel the lugging of people or places or things that we've left behind, because those people were our vehicles, towards feeling our connection to the one to everything. So in other words, it's like, those people were our portal towards accessing the energy that sits behind all of us at all times.

And that vehicle can be anything it can be a person could be a pet, he says it can be your guru. And I would add to that, it can also be nature, nature can be an incredible portal for us to access, the awareness and that oneness that sits behind all all life.

And therefore, if we are feeling lonely, and we're wanting to explore that, and to shift that, from an energetic perspective, we don't necessarily have to look to other people, or groups to be our portal, we may have a pet, we may also look at the other species that we share our homes and environments with. We've even got organisms that are in our body. That might be a bit abstract, though. But really, when we develop a relationship with nature, it can resonate in a way that really

fills our heart with love. And that love that rushes in, fills that space of loneliness. And this has been my journey. So since finding this very deep connection into everything, oneness, awareness through nature, for me, that was my true portal, I can no longer feel alone. It's

actually impossible for me. In fact, I crave solitude, because in solitude, it's sometimes easier for me to hear that, that true voice and to be in nature, but no matter the situation, I know that it's it's energetically impossible for me now. It's like, the loneliness that was that boy that is there. This energy of, of love that is always within us at all moments right now has been reconnected. It's like it's been plugged in again. And I just know that in this lifetime, for me, I won't

be unplugged. And that loneliness is not something that I should, hopefully won't struggle with. Again, but that perfect connection into nature. And when lockdown happened last year, and in South Africa, all of our national parks, even residential parks, in the suburbs, and so forth, were closed with the lockdown regulations for a long time. I can't remember I think it was for about 10 or 12 weeks, we weren't even allowed to go for a walk in our in our suburb, I really I did start to miss

that connection to nature. And I started to worry that without that connection, that that in a plug be, you know start to burn out. And I would miss that feeling. But in fact, it forced me to simply go into their quiet space within myself. And that feeling, in fact grew stronger. So once that connection, once you can feel that connection, no matter if it's through a relationship, through animal through nature, through a group of people. We can nurture that feeling we

can nurture that connection. And it can be with us at all times no matter what we go through. So how do we then work with all of this from an energetic perspective? If you're feeling lonely, and you're wanting to shift it? How do you start? So one is to start with looking at an examining our relationship with other people. relationships with others are such a gift. It's a really easy way for us to see where are we not being authentic? Where can we show up and be more authentic.

Where are we listening, truly listening, versus listening with self orientation. Because so many of us listen with self orientation. So we want to jump in all the times, perhaps a friend is sharing a story about something she's going through a very difficult time. And sometimes it's a compulsion, we want to solve that problem. So we jump in, and we go, Well, when that happened to me, this is what I did. Or we give what you know, we give

personal advice. And we're not, even though that may come from a very good place, we're not necessarily truly listening to that person with an open heart. So relationships with others are critical, and in particular, are difficult relationships in our life, current and past, have the ability to show us where those parts of ourselves where they shadows, that's where we need the courage to really go within, and to look at how we can be more authentic in that

relationship. And the reason we need courage and bravery is because sometimes being more authentic in that relationship means that that relationship may not last, it means that the met the friendship may fizzle out, or the relationship may run its course. So knowing who you truly are, and then working with that in your relationships is wonderful. You can also then extend that into working into your

relationship with yourself. So understanding those sticking points, and actually getting to understand our patterns and habits, and why we have these kind of recurring themes throughout our life. And if that's something if you are finding recurring themes around relationships and loneliness, I would recommend that you listen to the podcasts I did on the energy of change because they we speak a lot about repetitive patterns and habits and how they come up, apologise for my neighbor's dog

barking in the background. That happens all day, it's either man or these. So I hope it's not too much of an interference. And the third way you can really do is to start working with this relationship with nature. And the relationship with nature. Again, something we have touched on in a previous episode is about putting, stepping out of our ego. And seeing the world and nature through a more open,

inclusive sense. So not putting ourselves as humans at the top of the food chain, but starting to value all life starting to value the life of an ant. This matches your own life. I read something, one senate researcher, I can't remember who

said it. But you know, as humans, why is it that we value for instance, the life of an elephant over the life of a snail, we have this thing that a perception that bigger means better and therefore smaller creatures are somehow less worthy of our respect, and admiration and love and even

protections. So even in conservation, we often see large animals, there's a lot more effort and a lot more interest in protecting and conserving them, then smaller species that are also really struggling at the hands of changing environments. And man, it's just a side note, but that it is something interesting to start

examining. So in our relationship with nature, there's definitely this aim of stepping out of our ego, our human ego and imprints that humans are the best humans are superior, and into a more ecological world will be part of the fabric of everything just as one interdependent part, and definitely not as any sort of higher form or top of the food chain. But another approach we may take into examining our loneliness.

This is now again less looking at the shadow less psychological, but more from an energetic spiritual perspective, is to allow ourselves to truly explore that feeling of the void that we can feel within us. So when we go into that void, that we can feel and loneliness that emptiness, when we stop attaching a story to it, when we can step out of it. Not ego. Loneliness is actually the story of our ego, because without an eye, there's no one to be

lonely. So, when we are able to drop that storyline, that character, that that grands our respective labs, we will have it and explore that feeling of emptiness and loneliness within within ourselves from an objective perspective. Without the normal, this is terrible, this is painful, but allow it just to be and see what comes up.

There is an opportunity to actually recognise, recognise re cognize re know that that void that we actually feeling and we interpret it as something negative is nothing less than what is called emptiness or the space of awareness, emptiness in Buddhism is not actually a negative thing, it just means everything is empty of a separate existence. So, going back to what we said earlier, it means everything is connected to another word, I suppose you could you could use as oneness.

So, that feeling of emptiness or that feeling of spaciousness, which is perhaps a better word for us to understand, is actually, that awareness or energy that we're trying to get through when we are in a relationship, it's that thing that we're hoping to go through the portal into our hearts. So if we're willing to be very brave, we can use our loneliness, to start to explore that feeling within ourselves. So you can do that through just resting and being open to what

arises. You can do through meditation, you can do it through contemplation through journaling, just allowing that feeling to come up, witnessing it, listening without self, or ego orienting it, and just allowing it then to dissolve. And when we can start to work with that, open awareness, just little snippets of time we stop this identification of self, in the context of ego and our sense of self can start to really

expand into this awareness. And we, again, don't need that portal to get us into that feeling of spaciousness within our heart, because we feel that love already within ourselves. So it's that two sided coin, on the one side is the pain, the loneliness and the emptiness. And the other side of that very, very same coin, is the love and connection that we all seek. And behind it all, is our perception, we see ourselves as

separate. And therefore we identify with the side of the coin that speaks to that separateness, or we recognise that we are all connected, energetically. And that loneliness is in fact impossible. Because there isn't soulmates, there is only soul, there is only oneness. And therefore, we are all coming at

it from our unique ways. But if we had the courage to go within, to connect to our true authentic selves, to share that with the world, and to get truly deep into our heart, no matter what form that takes, then we are able to perceive the world from unity, not from separation. And the more of us that can do that. The more that feeling, that awareness feeling that feeling of heart, the heart, the spaciousness of the heart

grows and increases. And the less loneliness there will be because more of us will be more authentic, and connecting with one another in a more authentic level at all times. So, truly, this work from an energetic perspective starts within ourselves. It's tough, it's difficult. Many of us have dragons to slay. But if you're feeling lonely, just remember on the other side of the question is all the connection that you really are. I hope that this episode has been helpful or insightful in any way.

I'm sending you heaps of energetic connection, wherever you may be and hope to catch up again soon. Bye