I think I am getting better at moving on from fights and arguments where don't let them hold the gravity that I used to let them hold. I could feel the point where I would like, I'm going to hang on to this for a little bit longer and just ignore him.
Hello, and welcome to separate bathrooms. We would like to acknowledge the Gadigor people of your nation, the traditional custodians of this land, and pay our respects to the eldest, both past and the presence. My name's Cam Daddo. A'm Ali Daddo, and we've been married for thirty four.
Years, says says Colonel Sanders.
Yes, correct to thirty fourth wedding anniversary. It's our we're celebrating for a week. This is our week. Why not?
Wow?
Yes, I think we should. Three and four adds up to seven when there are seven days in a week, So let's celebrate. Where has the time? Okay?
I like how you came round to that. That was good. I'm sure seven is some that's got a lot of meaning to it. Did we should have looked that up beforehand.
Didn't we to? Did? Then? I was born on the seventh too, that's true?
Seven seven members in your family? What what is happening? We're making connections everywhere.
Where's the time gone? Thirty four years?
I do not know. We've had many stages of our marriage as well. We like different countries, different Yeah, some of it feels like a dream or an.
A little bit of both, tend a lot of everything in between.
What does marriage mean something to you now?
Like?
Is it different for you now? Yeah? I kind of yeah, But what does it mean to you now?
What it means to me now? It's when we thinking about this question, I was thinking like a penguin, pe wing penging. Yeah, they have partners for life, yeah, you know, and they that's what they do. And I think that's where I'm at. Really yeah, So don't try and leave.
Okay.
So I know that we stood there in December the seventh, nineteen ninety one, and Reverend Brian Sears and the Garrison Church made mistakes all of his stuff, called me, David, We've been through all this long time. Listeners will know all this stuff. But you know, only see you're there for life, and you know all the stuff he said in our pre meetings, which just hilarious. I mean, I did give it a lot of thought. But I don't think that I really understood what it was that we
were embarking on. I just saw my mum and dad. Was their thirtieth wedding anniversary on that day, which means it's their sixty fourth, right eight, sixty eighth wedding anniversary.
Sixty four. I don't know where you got the eight from.
I was doubling it. It doesn't work like that, doesn't it. No, No, I love it even more the sixty four thousand dollar quids that's their sixty fourth this week as well. So you know, I just looked at them and I didn't really I didn't know the work that they put into their marriage to stay together for thirty years. At that point, I had no real clue. But I think there's what I think what it means to me now is that, as you alluded to, there's been dreams and not mans
and everything in between that that creates the journey. And I think, you know, as the penguin would go through all that on their living, on their piece of ice, you know, the ups and downs of the whole thing, that's where the value is. I think for me, what about you?
For me, what marriage means now? Is the first word that came up was comfort that it's it's there's a comfort that just is really lovely to me that I don't you know, you're still the first person I want to tell on my news to. I understand you. I feel like you understand me. I mean, there was still places of learning and challenges, which I think is good. I think that's good, you know in that way, and you know that we're still making plans for our future.
Like I feel like that's really more exciting in a way now because our future is just you and I. It's not like for so many years it was what's the future of the five of us? What are we going to do for the kids? What are we going to you know, what's happening with them? And you know, So now it's just like, what's our future just the two of us. So that's that's marriage for me right now, which is really interesting. It's an interesting phase I feel like in our relationship in a lot of ways.
It's something you just touched on them about the point of making plans. I think that's really important to have something to look forward to. Yeah, And I think that's something for any of us that this that's when we set about doing something, to make sure you've got something fun to do afterwards, or something that you're looking forward to that you're making a plan towards.
We haven't been very good at that.
Well, having something fun to do.
Having something fun to look forward to.
Yeah, we're getting better at it.
Yeah, we're getting better at We've managed.
To make it thirty four years without doing too much of it, So I think we've earned earned some fun time, Yeah, because I know a lot of it's been work and stress. Yeah, there's been moments where where, like through the early two thousand or you know, through that global financial our financial crisis time, where it wasn't that fun. And though I look back on that now and it's a story now and it's like, wow, well here we are today, fifteen years later and we're in a different position, and but
we kept going, you know. So again it's I know I've talked about taking action before, but having something to look forward to and then taking action towards that is I think a great thing in keeping keeping the relationship fresh. Yeah, and always wanting to know, curious about learning something new.
Would you have this might be a ticky question, you know, thirty four years. It's hard to pinpoint, I know, but could you what would you say some of your favorite moments of the last thirty four years?
My favorite moments? Yeah, well, look as I just said, so looking back and acknowledging there have been tough times, some of those tough times have been my favorite times because it's galvanized us and I don't know if it's galvanized, whether it's the galvanizing of a family or oscar. Keep it with you and me, our moving to the United States to live in nineteen ninety two is a favorite time for me because we was It was challenging, it was really hard. I know, it was a bit shitit
for you. I know you had a horrible time.
Horrible, but we were together.
You know, And to me, I look back on it interesting and I look back at that moment, those two where it was just really you and me and we go like the night that we went line dancing at Denim and Diamonds in Santa Monica. That place is no longer here anymore, but doing that country line dancing, bootscoot and hell fire or boogie, you know that stuff. Those things that we did, those activities that we did are certainly favorite.
Moments, Even as disastrous as our move to Australia in twenty seventeen with the kids heading to Fiji and doing that thing and how traumatic that was, it's still galvanizedreeah, of.
Course, and so it becomes a bit of a favorite moment in that. I guess it's a way for me also to transform something that was a bit ship that was really fun. Well, it does.
It just becomes a story, doesn't it. That's something when you're in it, it feels like the worst experience ever, But when you add it onto the storytelling piles, it's a good story to tell. You got something to say.
And also knowing that we got through.
It, yeah, well on this side of it.
Now, that helps you going we got through that, Yes, you know that. That sort of thing. Always favorite moments for me is setting up when we've moved from one house to another and we've set that place up and the kids have wanted to paint that this color room or that thing, and doing that sort of stuff that's been creative and building stuff. That's been favorite moments of mind too. What about you, what are your favorite moments?
Well, every time I found out we were pregnant.
I have really not much to do with it.
I'll take it. Yeah, just that those are etched, you know, very deeply of course. And favorite moments I'm gonna have to say the I mean, look, we've had some We've had not a lot of holidays over thirty four years. We really have not had a lot of holidays at all. Some of them have been disaster.
They did have, but they're story too.
There a story too that our holiday in Scotland two years ago. God, that was good because it was our whole family plus Lock River's boyfriend and it just you know, I know we've spoken about it on the podcast as well. It just went. It went as beautifully and as seamlessly and as fun and as just and it was relaxing and it was just so spectacular, you know, everything about
it was. That's that's a special one. And then you know, it's not unlike what you were talking about with the moving to a new home, but that moment when we bought our first home in the States, in the States and the home that we really wanted as well, that just the universe conspired to being us being able to get this this house and that was magic, magic moments. So we'll have to create that one again.
Well we've done it. Yes, so we've done it and we can do it again.
Yes, that would be nice.
Yeah, yeah, that's it's a good validation to have when we're when we're dreaming up our new place at our new food.
Remember that feeling, how do we do that?
I remember, we just it just it was one of those yeah, remember that, you don't say this. Remember we were in the backyard of that play of that house and we didn't want to leave, but we were just sitting on the back There was this little steps that look were down on the grass and the real estate agent had packed her crap up and there we were sitting out on that grass looking over Santa Monica across the sea, across the bay there, and I remember the lady going, you need to go now, which I just
was like burying my hands in the dirt, going I am gonna have this is going to be my place? Or do you remember that moment?
I don't remember that moment.
She hustled us out, and then we were sitting on the fireplace on the half I do remember that, and we can have cups of tea here, I know, dreaming.
Oh yeah, that was the most beautiful half I've ever of a house I've ever It was the heart of the half. I loved it.
What would are you done? I am, because I'm ready to hear more of your favorite moments. But if you're done, I'm Donekay, all right? So thirty four years are being married. We often get asked about our marriage and on this podcast, given it's a relationship podcast, We've had questions, We've answered questions. What would you say are some of the biggest lessons that you've learned.
To get better at? Which I think I am getting better at moving on from fights and arguments where don't let them hold the gravity that I used to let them hold, because sometimes I could, I could feel the point where I would like and I'm I'm going to hang on to this for a little bit longer and just ignore him and just you know, stone wall, which is the worst thing you could do, number One thing
you don't want to do with stonewall your partner. And it's like, I'm not going to do that because honestly, I don't like it. It doesn't feel good to me. And it's like, okay, we've had that argument. We've had a bit of a blow up like, yeah, just like we've been together thirty four years. Move on, like, just move on, like we don't need to hammer this out and strip it down and pick it apart and get mad at it again. It's like you said a mean word.
I said a mean word. Sorry about that. Yep, on we go.
Why don't you tell me what this was going on? Because I got confused. I'm like, she doesn't give a shit. Jesus doesn't care anymore. I used to know you cared because you would hang on a ship for so long. No, I was like, and now it's like, she just let it go. Where's it gone? Because you can't sweep it under the rug. Because you sweep it under the rug, it just comes back and buy you. No, it's three weeks later.
Rug is just like, is this work?
Okay?
So this is what you're doing your time?
I've noticed this about you.
Good. I'm really glad.
And it's confused me. Yeah, because she doesn't get but you're actually letting it go.
Yes, it's so much more. Yes, it's so much more. It's so much more fun and easier to do it that way. Like it's just it's just you know, I mean, we haven't had any arguments where it's like this is this is cause for therapy or you know, but like the little stuff that just used to really sometimes get into make it into a big thing. I'm like, oh gosh, just don't even sweat about it. Yeah, it's a very conscious decision because I can sometimes feel where I could go.
I could really go down that well worn path and be like, I'm going to make this into something bigger and yeah, wait till he apologizes and he realized, like just go to have a chat and have a cup of tea and see, you know what we're having for dinner. Like it's not worth it. Okay, all right, That's one thing that I have learned this year and certainly worked on. And then I know, I keep talking about this, but learning the way your brain works, good luck just become
clearer to me. I'm not saying I've got it all. I understood it. Your book has also helped me as well understand your brain better as well. And also the thing that I really loved is throwing out all my old journals when we moved. I felt it felt really freeing to do that, really freeing, because there were a lot of trauma felled journals and really happy to throw them out.
Did you tell me that you threw your journals out? So this is interesting, listener, that I threw out my journals too, And this is and I didn't know that you threw out yours, and I thought maybe, oh, maybe you did tell me that, But I think we both came to it at the same similar time.
Yeah, I think I've been throwing out I have been throwing at mine if I come across them, but this time around, I'd already thrown out a bunch and then this last move, if I came across another one, I was.
Like, gone, Yeah, well I did a cull. I guess I don't know. A year ago, I chucked a bunch out, but I kept a few. They're all gone.
Now, and I mean the ones from like twenty thirty years ago. Like I think having a journal for today? Do you know what I mean? Like, what's going on with you right now? Great? Yep, I love those.
Journaling is the best way to get stuff out. And then are you going to go back to it? Chances are no. It's like luggage. It'll stay with you forever until the wheels fall off, and then you decide to check it out in the council COINU. Yeah. No, I did the same because for me, it was based on dwelling. And this is one of the lessons that you know, we've spoken about the biggest lessons for this year, and
it's that word. It's a label, do not dwell. I think it's important to break something down, as to as I've spoken about before, break it down, take the wisdom, and then check it out. Don't dwell because the dwelling for me, and that's where the journals have come in. If I picked it up and read this, oh my god, I've been I've been dwelling on this for a long time.
What I mean by the holding on to stuff?
Yeah, and it just creates a depressive, stuffy yes.
Yeah, and to be drawn back back and back into the past. It's like, no, I've done the therapy, I've understood it. There's nothing more to pull apart. Where do I go from here? What's the step forward?
I'm totally with that. One of the biggest lessons I've learned in our thirty four years of marriage is that I can't fix you. I can help you and support you, but it's better. And it's the same with parenting. Really, you can't fix the kids. Let them do their stuff, let them make mistakes, you know, don't try to fix. And you'll probably agree with this anyway, you know. It's it's it's better not to know it all. Oh, yeah, it's better not to know it all.
And from something somethings it's really important to know, but for something Yeah.
And then and that I've spoken a lot about this through the years, that the need to be right just kills the kill stuff, you know, it just the need to be right just kills the vibe. Yeah, it's okay not to know, and it's all you don't have to dominate the other person. Just let them, you know, even if they're wrong.
Even if you're wrong. I just said to my face, it's fine, it's okay, just.
Go yeah, okay, that's fine.
The thing I've said this about us before, the thing that I've recognized about the two of us as well, is that both of us can be so all were right and were and we're wrong, and both of us can be so sure that we're right and we are right. Like I think we have a very I don't know if that makes sense, but we're very even like there are times whereund like, this is so the right way to go, and it's you turn right here, da da da da da, And I've been one hundred percent wrong.
And then there's been times that you've gone, no, you do it this way, you pull the lever this way, and you've been absolutely wrong. But we've also been right, one hundred percent right, as much as we've been wrong, you know what I mean. Like not no, not one of us has been right all the time, you know what I mean.
So I think we haven't made you have to have allowance.
It's Brene Brown would say, oh, okay, there you go. Okay, we've we have compiled some tips I think that we could just run through them super quick that we've picked up over the years through counselors.
Yes, grab your notebook.
Yeah, they we'll just go through them really quick. But I think these are fab Okay, So these are fabulous tips we think anyway for a healthy marriage, all right.
Number one, yep, never name core when arguing. Only when you're having sex.
God, and I don't call you that when we're having sex. Number two, put your phone, computer video game away when your partner is speaking to you.
Never ever bad mouth your partner to your kids.
Find ways to make your partner feel special, talk about them in public, in front of them in a loving way.
There you go, laugh together, go see comedy, watch a funny movie, whatever it takes. Laugh and look.
To learn something new together.
There you go. Love that one. Do your best to not take your partner's mood personally.
That's hard, but yes, agreed. Travel even if it's a little road trip just or even if it's in the next suburb. Sometimes just getting out of your routine, sharing adventures always good.
Yeah, Okay, I love this one. Stay till the end of the conversation.
Yep, I should do.
I'm going to do that more.
Have the hard conversations, the ones about the relationship, because how you repair after an argument says a lot about the relationship's health. So make sure you work it out so.
In alignment with that, let them rest.
Yes, yes, prioritize time together.
Compliments are still so important and wonderful, and.
I would put gratitude in with that as well.
Okay, yeah, you'll go.
Last one is that keep the physical touch going, hand holding, squeeze on the arm as you walk by, beautiful things, love it.
Yeah, alrighty that'll do. That'll do, that'll do. Enjoy your day. Who love the one you're with yep, and.
Happy anniversary, honey.
Happy anniversary. Let's go eat some dinner.
Yeah, that'd be nice. All right, lots of love everyone, fine,