Resentment Has No Place In Jo Stanley & Darren McFarlane's Marriage

One of the first moments I realized I was in love with him was ready. We are at a dance party and the you know, classic kind of laser lights.

All through the room, the smoking room, and he said to me, do you know why we see color?

He explained color to me, and I was like, that's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard.

Hello, and welcome to separate bathrooms. We would like to acknowledge the Gadiger people of the or nation, the traditional custodians of this land, and pay our respects to the elders, both past and present.

I'm Ali Daddo.

I'm Cameron Daddo sitting beside Ali Daddow.

I'm good, feeling good today.

I'm feeling good today.

I love that.

That's your question.

You're feeling good, You're ready to go.

Let's go.

Why do we have a chat with someone.

In the bathroom with us?

Well, our guest today know a lot actually about the entertainment business, radio, TV and film.

Plus do you sing, writing, performing, comedy, drama, everything in between.

Yeah.

Between them, they've covered pretty much every aspect and they've had amazing success as well.

Joe Stanley was discovered performing stand up comedy in a dingy Melbourne pub in the early two thousands and has risen to become a household name. She enjoyed enormous success, having the most listened to radio show in the country with a Hopping I Say Hopping Yeah, six years at number one. It's huge, which has led to building broad Radio, Australia's first radio network for women by women.

I'm very excited to talk to both of them about it.

Actually.

Joe is still a co host of the House of Wellness on Channel seven and she's the creator of Play Like a Girl, a book series for readers age eight to ten about an under eleven girls footy team. And in the spirit of being a relationship show, we're keeping things balanced of course, because she's married to the fabulous Darren McFarland.

So Darren's a highly experienced senior producer. He's taken his producing skills to radio, to film and to TV, working on projects with performers like Simon Baker, Jack Thompson and Our Bathroom Powers, the fabulous Clayton.

And Shane We love them right, Darren also Honey.

He produced Leewonell and James WARN's short film Sare Oh.

Yeah, I've never seen it.

Too scary for me, it's scary.

So they took that short to Hollywood and used it as a proof of concept, and that launched their horror franchise I Happy Got ten percent True.

So Darren's also partnered with Joe on broad radio. It's their new baby together. So let's find out more about these two super achievers.

Darren McFarlane, Joe Darren, Welcome to the bathroom.

Oh, we love being in your bathroom than having us.

It's nice and spacious.

It's spacious and it's sanitary.

Keep it clean. Hey, Joe. When we were getting all the good goths.

Together for our chat, I discovered that Stanley is a stage name.

You're actually a Bailey.

Yeah, that is correct, Diana Bailey.

I don't know if you remember.

We probably started our careers at similar times back in the early nineties where there was this thing where they said you couldn't have more than one person with the same surname in like registered with Actors Equity.

I don't even know if that was a thing anyway.

Joe Bailey, who is now Joe sylvani Yes, was on Sale the Century at the time, still on chemist Warehouse, as though she and I worked together all the time because I do House of Wellness and she the other work there.

So yes, we see each other at time.

Really really love that.

When we moved back from America, I was like, look, she's still on TV doing the ads.

I love that.

Like that's consistency, it's good.

So you've got the choice of three names. Then you can do Stanley, McFarlane or Bailey.

Yeah, I've never used arline.

Do you get Darren Stanley? Yeah, right, Darren, two first names exactly.

He's okay to take my you know, we'll go to like a lunch or somewhere and they've got my name, and then because he's my plus one, they assume that he's mister Stanley toy boy.

Yes, could be convenient in some certain situations, you know, mister Stanley.

Yes, as you're doing something completely illegal.

Yes, that always works.

Well.

We always ask the same questions of our couples because we love to know how did you two first meet and it was your first impression of each other?

Well, it is a story that we tell often because it makes me laugh. So I was working at Rmuti University in Melbourne. I was producing student theater there, so you know, very young. It was my first full time job actually, so I guess I was twenty five something like that, and Daz had just transferred there. He was doing a PhD in chemical engineering. There a smart cookie,

Pants right dick stickers in the Northern Beaches in my top notch, and.

They also give out a lot of statically Oh yeah, I mean, I don't know.

There was something about him, and I will never forget seeing him there with his cheeky little green and he could not actually save himself, but we were light on for guys, so I said WI should cast him.

He ended up playing two characters.

Yeah, I was a terrible actor, but there was only three guys who auditioned for ten rolls, So I got three rolls.

And you're still rocking the Adidas satire today. We're still working for you.

How about you?

How about you, Daran? What do you remember about Joe?

Well, for me, it was well, instantly when I saw her, I was like, holy, I was quite drawn instantly. But for me, it was it was just that her energy, her smile, and you know I was yeah, I was just it was just an instant attraction for me. Always laughing, always smiling, which was a nice positive from the previous relationship I was.

In well to that?

Then to that, and what's something that you discovered about each other that you didn't expect after getting together?

I would just like to make the point that perhaps I got him on a on a low.

Just kicked in her ex boyfriend's door, so I thought, okay, that this is a good time to meet. Yeah, we didn't have motion.

Of compare each other too, perhaps, so yeah, what was the question?

The question?

The question was it was was there something you discovered that you didn't expect.

After after that? You after you've got together.

I mean, I.

Think the reason we're still together is because we both learning people. We like to learn, and we learn about the world, and we grow very much together and learn about each other throughout the last twenty seven years or so.

But I guess, well, I'll tell you.

I was completely surprised because he was doing a PhD in chemical engineering, and so I thought I was going to marry a doctor when we got engaged, and I was super excited because I was like, yes, it took him a long time to finish that PhD.

Ten years, yes, ten years.

And when he finally finished, I was like, awesome, Now you're going to get a job as an engineer and you know.

This eddy job, that's it.

And this is before I was in radio, so you know, we were pretty like, you know, we were the kind of couple that couldn't afford meat every night of the week.

You know.

So I was like, awesome, now finally he's finished his PhD. He can go and get a job as a chemical engineer. And he said to me the next day, you know what, honey, I don't think I want to be an engineer. I was like, oh, this is a surprise. Learning something to your point camp and he said, yeah, I think.

I'm gonna produce dance parties.

Very lucrative dance parties.

Yeah, I imagine that's me's in those days were Yeah, it's not a career that you go no, okay.

And then he finishes two years of that.

I'm like, great, now we're going to be an engineer and he says, no, I think I'm going to be a filmmaker. I'm like, oh my god, I'm going to be broke forever.

And I'm going to start at the bottom and work my way up assistant to the third idea, well even lower running for quite some time.

There you go, Yeah, that's the worst of the worst.

Well, for me with Joe, it was the emotional intelligence because when we met, I was just a classic, you know, twenty eight year old like with not really well connected to his emotions. And for me, I just learnt emotional intelligence through our relationship with her, And yeah, it was amazing to sort of just learn empathy and all those sorts emotions which were deep buried in my chest somewhere.

Yeah, they were in there somewhere.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Nice.

What I mean, how did you you made?

Like?

What was it about this the PhD and then flipping like that out of that was it just that's a long that's a long time sad to make it.

Do you know what it was? I always wanted to do film and TV, like ever since I was ten. When I saw Star Wars with Dad, I just went, this is it. This is what I want to do. But I grew up in a country town and I have parents who are very working class, who really sort of emphasized, you've got to do your math sciences, You've got to do this, You've got to university, do a PhD. You know, really go that pathway. So they were pretty disappointed when I end up doing dance parties.

But I think you were a child of the eighties and that countrytown mentality where boys did maths and science. No, boys did not become creative, so they did not make things. And so because he's super clever, it was something that he just kind of followed the next step and the next step and the next step, so eventually he's on this PhD pathway. And I have to tell to you it's is one of the things that really I found

From that point of view, I'm so proud of him.

And he's an outstanding producer, like incredible producer.

Yeah, that's that interesting thing. I've really torn between, you know, doing what was drummed into me as a young man or young person of you know, you have to support your family, you have to support your wife, and all that sort.

Of mind a bad thing.

Yeah, well it's not that I'm against that, but you know, they're very sort of mucho sort of imprint planted. And then for me it was going, well, hang on, I want to do what it inspires me, what I love, and I know a path of you know, the arts and creativity is not lucrative but it's what you know fills my soul and makes me happy, and you know, which is why this pathway for us, it's to broad radio, has been so fulfilling because this is what we've always

I love that because so many people would have stayed in that engineering job and just sort of had a life of wishing you know, and you and you didn't.

I think it's awesome.

Also, also what strikes me is the discipline of doing a PhD and what you or how you learnt and how you could apply that skill of learning, because that's what I'm trying to teach that our kids. Is like guess school, you get to learn reading, writing, history, all those sort of things, but it's more about learning how to learn.

And so yeah, that was one of the big things I learned because I actually went over to Brussels to study for a year and that was the thing that I learned from my supervisor over there was just you know, the whole process is about learning to learn, like how

And I would say, I would say from the point of view of me, like, I'm a stand at comedian who found myself in radio, and then I was a radio broadcaster who found myself as a startup founder, right, and certainly developing and building a tech company and a media company was not something I ever thought I would do.

It turns out it's quite hard.

Yeah, learn.

What I have discovered is exactly that that if everything is a hypothesis and an experiment is actually no failure, what there is is learnings and going, oh, that didn't work, or I'll try something different.

Oh wow, that did work and I didn't expect it would, so let's do more of that.

And if that is not a lesson for life, I don't know what it is.

Like.

I just think that's a beautiful way of living.

Yeah, I love that.

In fact, one of the questions that we have for you was what role does failure play in your success? And how have you dealt with setbacks in your career?

Well, I mean we've had plenty both as an eye and it's pretty. You know, it's heartbreaking when you have those moments where what you're working towards you have the drug pulled out from under you. But I think I've changed my sense of self over the last few years such that I don't need I don't need external success to feel like I'm a good person and to like who I am, right, and that, Allie, you would know that comes.

With age, I know, but there's I think there's a thing that happens for women as we go through our forty and getting into our fifties, that we suddenly free ourselves from that external validation that we seek.

As younger women and teenage girls.

Where we just think we have to be thin, we have to be beautiful, we have to be a popular person, we have to please everybody, we have to be amenable. Well you know what, fuck that, right, Because I'm in my fifties now and I'm being who I am and stepping into my power and oh my god, the difference, Sally, you can attest to it huge.

Yeah, I'm definitely the most confident and happy in myself than I've ever been that I can remember, you know, And I'm my body is hot, it wrinkly and dimply from neck to me. And it's like, because now my goal is now my goal is like, Okay, what do I want the rest of my life to feel like? Not like, you know, I want to be fit and strong for my grandkids, not like I want to be a six for my grandkids. You know, it's none of that.

And that's the whole thing too. There's no you know, there's no age where you go. It's over. Like you look at people like Jackie Weaver, who Hollywood Careers started at sixty, and look at one of our hosts, Tracy Hutchinson, who's just turned sixty two, and you know, she's just got this great role with us on broad radio and she's amazing.

Yeah, I do wonder I have a question. I know I'm not supposed to be asking the question.

This works best as a conversation.

Yes, well, I'm just so fascinated.

Then if you know you've got two women who are agreeing that this is an extraordinary time for us in our lives in a way that I think is different for men. And then two men who love these women, What is it like seeing women that you love step into their power like that?

Oh, it's great, it's exciting, and I'm done.

I wasn't going to put into you there, Princess Cruises.

Maxuly speaking.

Yeah, yeah, I mean it's been a it's been an interesting evolution in terms of watching ol step into her into her power. It's fantastic and it's sexy and yet and yet at the same time where it's the moment where it's like, who are you? That's not what I'm used to, That's not what So there's that transitional going oh, hang on a second, Yeah, this is this is where we change.

And I have had to go.

Back into myself and and go, okay, no, this is a moment where our's evolving. We all changed. That's and so it's been a really great process. One of the things that really stepped it up for me was Ali writing her book on menopause and watching her determination and just her grit to sit down and sift through a ton of information and then distill that information into this wonderful book, you know, and go, this is my wife.

Now she's not. This is who she is, and she's teaching.

And she's making dinner and she's taking parenting and being my wife at the same time. So it was a it's been a great lesson in watching someone change and evolve and step in and that's exciting.

Yes, But isn't that And I just want to say, diddo to me.

Isn't that interesting?

And I wonder if you know relationships, because of course we all grow and change over the years, right and if you're not, there's something wrong obviously, But I wonder if and I'm not going to suggest that we.

Are a perfect relationship at all.

And I also don't want to suggest that relationships that end are failed relationships.

You know.

Yeah, that's a really important point for me. But I do wonder if relationships that last longer are because when someone changes, like you, can you identify there that it is a bit confronting to go, oh, this is my wife that you're able to go, Okay, interesting, let's explore and be curious and accepting and open hearted about that rather than going, hang on a minute, that's not who I thought you were, and now my life's changed, and I don't like that.

Yeah, that's right, because I think it can be super confronting. I know, I've got one of my closest friends, like as she hit menopause and just started to reframe her whole life, and she became incredibly she started lifting weights and lost all this weight and became really fit, and her husband at the time was like, I can't no, You're not the same person anymore. You feel strong and different, and she's like, I'm not going back, and that was the end.

Of the relationship. Yeah, you know, so that does certainly it can be difficult. You know.

The other word that comes to mind is acceptance as well, and that's just being okay, well, let me accept what that is and allowing for change to happen. And then, as you use the word curious, that's a big part of.

What I you know, how I look at the world.

I like to think that I do is be curious about the people and certainly about my own feelings towards things, and then have a response to that and move forward from there. So it is about accepting and then choosing, because we all get to make a choice, don't we.

Know, so true, so true.

And you know, Daz with all of his explorations, I'm going to be don't Party producer and now I'm going to hear a filmmaker. And you know, I went from being like a theater producer into radio and you know, we change and evolved for many in many different ways over the last twenty one so years. But thankfully I really liked dance party music.

That was the first thing.

I was, oh yeah, But you know, if I hated that kind of music, it might have been different. But I love learning new things about my partner and that.

Just I guess that stops it from being stagnant. I hope, I agree.

I agree.

How do you feel that the landscape of Australian media has changed since you both first started, and especially for women? Have you've seen it be broader and better for women now?

I think most definitely it is shifting. It's very different now. I mean you see on the Project some nights there's four women on the pawel.

Yeah, like that would never have happened.

You know, even five years ago, I don't think that was happening. So that shift is quite profound. But I think there's a lot that's still the same since when I was I mean, you know, I did Breakfast Radio on Fox FM.

Teh.

I finished that twenty thirteen, finished Old twenty seventeen. So yeah, that's a long seven I can't do some that's his job.

Eleven years ago.

Yeah, but yeah, I don't think it's changed enough. Let's just say that.

And I think that in some parts of the media, we're very aware of the importance of diverse voices and having those really interesting different stories and different voices. But I think in many other parts of the media, there's just no one really cares that.

Much about it. Yeah. Look in film and TV, I have noticed, you know, when I started in the two thousands and nineties, it was very male set, with the traditional roles of makeup and wardrobe were with the women. Now I'm on set and it's almost fifty to fifty. In fact, I've been on shoots where it was sixty forty, you know, in favor of you know, our female technicians. So it's great and a huge since me too, huge change, A huge change that also needed to happen, you know what I.

Love because especially during Lockdown, Das does a lot of mentoring of writers and you know, play screenwriters, and I'll hear him on the zoom and they've sent him some script which is fairly you know, let's say, generic, and could do.

With some very very first draft.

Yeah, I could do some interesting ideas. And I hear him say almost every time because they're usually male player, right sorry, mass screenwriters will say, what if that character is a woman.

And you see these men reel.

Back and just go whoa, Hang on a second, it's like a bounty hunter.

Who's a woman who's so strong?

Not yet, but it is instantly more interesting, right yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, we all love the underdog story and just how much more interesting is that? And we've already seen the men play the roles since god knows when that's right?

Yes, yes, Well what's the what's the next big challenge or issue in gender equality? You mentioned me too, So is there another step to go?

Where do you guys see that?

Well?

I always like to say because when I did radio, I you know, was always me with two blokes on pretty much very me too, and I very much loved those blokes.

I love them.

I had the best time, continue to have the best time whenever I broadcast with those sorts of men, and they are still my best friends.

But it's the reversal of that. I think, would you know that would be great to see.

I guess like a gender and even gender split would be good. But for me also, it was about the fact that all of the women who were on air all looked like me. They were all white cis gender women, right, Yeah, And I tried my best to use.

The one microphone.

I had to be a voice on behalf of of women and diverse voices. But it's not up to me to speak for those people. So in a lot of ways, one of the reasons we're building broad radio is to turn my one microphone into one hundred microphones and to really kind of center the voices that we don't hear. I feel like the term mainstream media often is a little misleading because it implies into the majority.

I don't think that's true.

I think if we look at the people we go to footy with and go to school with and work with, and you know, it's just not our community. And I am excited to hear different stories and different perspectives, and that doesn't necessarily mean just female or gender diverse.

That means all kinds of voices.

Yeah, yeah, amazing.

So what was is that basically your inspiration for launching the platform broad radio or was there something even more specific that wanted you to that you both wanted to launch.

Well, actually it came to me in a meditation, which is very woo woo we love.

I mean, I just had this sense.

That there could be you know, I've spent many years witnessing and being a part of the transformative power of radio, of that ability to shift a person's day, to tell a story that means that the people listening feel like they matter, like it reflects their lives. And so I was sort of looking around. I was in my mid forties and you know, wanted to hear radio that reflected my life stage. And I couldn't find it, and I thought, hang on a minute, there are I did the research.

Kind of it's joyous, but it's chaotic.

You know, you've got you know, maybe young kids or teen kids, or kids sort of moving out of home, so you're dealing with that empty nesty. You've got aging parents, you've got a career that's really full on that you love it.

You're trying to joggle it all.

Maybe you're just newly single, maybe you're in.

A difficult relationship.

All this stuff is happening, but nothing's kind of reflecting that life in a radio sense. And I just am so passionate about the medium and have witnessed how it can change not just an individual but actually a conversation.

And for me, if.

You were reflecting those various stories, then you're actually giving space for them to be those people in the stories to be heard and seen and therefore happier and healthier. And so our vision is using radio as sort of a lever for change, to create women who are happy, healthy, and to support their pursuit of fearlessness.

That's what we want.

Wow in a nutshell, Ye, I've.

Spent a long time meditating on that.

For you, Darren, so did Joe bring this idea to you? And you did, let's do it.

Look For me, it was more a case of and obviously I believe in support all those things. For me, it's you know, being a co founder is a very lonely, tough journey, and for me, watching Joe go on this journey of trying to put everything she has into this startup. Was I was, you know, she needed help, needed support, and I just wanted to be there for her. And just to have someone you can implicitly trust to have your back no matter what was really important to me.

What's a piece of advice that you would give a younger person, any have, any gender who's struggling with confidence in their careers or their personal lives.

Well, biggie, I mean, I feel like I'm writing a book about that. Actually I am sort of putting notes away because.

I think that I've learned. I was too.

Even on you know, when I was doing radio and I was Breakfast Radio number one for a long time, people would assume that I was kind of sitting in my power at that time, but I was very amenable.

I was very willing.

You know, women are people please as naturally, I think, and I didn't kind of advocate for myself because I didn't know how, and so I thought I'd just be really nice and work really hard and I'd get noticed enough and I would and people would see me, but they didn't. I never felt properly seen and I think what I've learned, and it's a muscle you have to start.

Using as soon as you can, as soon as you.

Can identify it as a teenager, as a you know, in your twenties, exercise that muscle where you say this.

Is me, I need to do it this way.

I respectfully say thank you, but no, you know, all of those sorts of phrases that you can learn and practice, and it's always going to feel that sick making in the guss when you kind of speak up for yourself. It's always going to feel like that. You have to just practice it. It's a muscle, and yet by bit it will feel less difficult. But the fact is future you will thank you because you're actually setting yourself up for yourself in ten, twenty and thirty years.

Yeah. And then for me, it's it's perseverance and just pushing through no matter what and just sticking at it, but also open to learning, open to change and pivot.

And you're the perfect example.

I've pivoted a lot.

You're a dancer, you're a form of dancer. But that's so great, and that's that's something that we've certainly our you know, our kids generation to even our generation was starting to do it. But you know, in our parents' generation, you had one career your whole life.

That's what you did.

And you know, when our kids are you know, sort of early twenties, and it's like, you can change if you not, Like, if you just stick at something, give it a good hot hot go. But if it's really not what you're super passionate about, it's okay to change.

You can be so many things in your lifetime.

I think there's a real fear in our young people. They think, oh what if I get it wrong? Or you know, particularly, university is so expensive now, so it's a waste of time or money to change courses. If you have the you can, if you can afford to change the cause, you should, is my opinion. I just think there's this fear and assumption that you should have it all worked out by the time you're twenty one, which is ridiculous.

It is ridiculous.

I mean, I'm still trying to work it out.

So's going to pivot again?

You want, don't you worry? Yeah?

I love what you said.

Actually, I've just finished Well, I've got a book coming out next Well it'll be out now when we play this thing, this this this recording, but it is on confidence and it is about my struggles with it, and because it's not just a gender thing specific, it's you know, I really struggled with it and I still do and

Right, yeah, well confidence.

Creates confidence, right, Well, the first step and Das you know, I love he always teaches me things through the lens of scientific learnings, right and scientific theory. So he uses his term the coalition of friction, which he explained to me is about that first turn of a wheel. Right, that's what confidence the first time you do something like that's friction. But actually you'll get that momentum and eventually it will feel like confidence.

Yeah, see that PhD paying for.

It wasted time.

I just love that you've written that book.

So important that we hear that from men, because I see it in Dazz. He is not a person who you or a man that you would identify as an alpha male inverted commas.

I don't even know if I'm not you're not into fishing?

What about golf, Dazz? Can we talk golf?

I have a basher golf every and again.

Do not. I've never seen you play golf.

He just he clearly just plays with the balls.

But it's so important to hear that from men because you've seen Daz that he has had his whole life instances were you know, bullied at high school or you know, all those instances where he's look at me, I'm speaking on behalf of him.

I feel bad, but I just think it's great to hear that from men.

Yeah, because there's that real thing of status anxiety, which was something that really hit me in my thirties and started having panic attacks, just going you know, who am I? What am I?

What?

You know? All those things I was told I should be and I'm not doing it, And it was a real period of change in methods, which you know, opened up to therapy, which was amazing, which I'm we're both huge advocates of it, and yeah, I love it. I love cognitive therapy.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, Well Cam interviewed some incredible I was going to speak on your behinfredit idea for the book. It was it's so interesting because there's not a single one of them that didn't have a crisis of confidence at some point and went on to be hugely successful. But it's that, it's that it's what you do with it afterwards.

And yeah, it's how you rebound in those moments. And I mean this is we're talking people like Keith Urban. I've spoke to a pilot doctor, all sorts of different people. I want to get a really broad cross section of people. No one gave the same answer about what confidence is.

Yeah, I love that, which yeah, yeah.

I spoke to Ian Baker Finch, the Australian golfer who had that famous collapse in the mid nineties, and he his tale of it is fascinating.

One thing that you said Joe earlier is that really.

Having people understand that they matter was a big part of it too, when you know that you matter and that.

You like say that we're value again.

But mattering is is so important and there's a PhD. Darren, you would understand a lot about matter.

Nice.

Nice take it from here, Darren explain that.

Thank you.

I don't know where to go from there with manner UV light was my thing.

Yeah, it's actually one of the first moments I realized I was in love with him.

Was ready.

We are at a dance party and that you know, classic kind of laser lights all through the room, the smoky room. And he said to me, do you know why we see light?

See color? And I was like, what are you talking about? He says to me, do you know why we see color?

And I had no idea, And he explained color to me. And I was like, that's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard.

You've just explained the universe to me.

Oh, because I'd come from the arts, like I'd come from literature and theater and words, and he came from understanding the universe through the beauty of science. Yeah, Yeast broke open a whole different understanding.

It was amazing.

You're like, I must marry this can Can you give us that definition in more like thirty Absolutely.

The thing that I found fascinating with light, because that's what I was studying at the time, was that photons of light, you know, object or matter will absorb all the photons of energy of light and the color you see is the one that it reflects. So if it's white, you'll see a white photon. If it's red, the red photon is the one that's reflected off the surface, whereas all the other colors are absorbed.

Is this why the why the ocean is blue or the sky is black?

Yes?

So the blue is the angle of the sun hitting the sky and that's and that's why the sun changes angle. That's where you get the different colors because it goes through the different angles of the energy of hitting.

I'm in love with you too, now, Joe, so hey listen.

So apart from photons of light and these deep explanations that happened on disco dance floors, was there was there anything else that brought you to together, like you're both from you both Melbourne centric?

Was it is that footy teams? Uh?

What schools you went?

You know?

You know, that's question each other when we first met, I didn't really have a footy team. And and Joe, whose fourth generation Collingwood supporter, when we got married, she said, there is one thing you need to understand that when we get married, you have no choice but to barrack for Collingwood. That is, that is not negotiable. And we we you know, got invited to the forty once by edmcguire. We're very lucky to be on the President's table. And was one of the game in the early two thousands

Arm around me and he goes's who do you barak for Collingwood?

Of course, I mean I bought it a big guns to do the conversion.

And it has gone correct. Answer.

There was no way he could. But it's so funny because Darren.

Is now more one eye than I am, and I'm at times going, honey, you're actually embarrassing yourself as too much of the footy. But every now and then I say to him and other people, I don't know what we would talk about without Collingwood's Actually it is our greatest connection through the winter months. Over summer we talked about when will the footie start?

Yeah, what can I say?

Can I tell you it's the same in our family that we're Essendon supporters and I can actually give you give Collingwood props. It's been one of the most entertaining teams in the last five years to watch. Great yeap However, so Alie Alie won our family tip off this year.

Yeah. So I've never won and I'd say this a hand to heart.

I've never won.

A trophy a competition in my entire life. And I've beat out all the Dados and all the all the married in people to win this family tip What I for the ifl grew up in Sydney.

I imagine there's there's a lot of you that's a big family.

Has a few Dados in there. There's probably about twenty five participants. And so she's she's covering, she.

Runs like round round seventeen. She's asked me about you know who's going to win the Lions? Are is it the Lions and the Freemantle?

And I saw I told her and how she's got bugger you you're wrong.

I should have gone with the lion, is it? I Joe down in her place? The lines I don't like them anymore.

Yeah, And I didn't do any research. I just I did a bit of woo oh Joe. I actually just sat with the teams and I went, what's my first thought?

It's my first.

Feeling, and I went with that, and it's made me weird blood.

It was one of those seasons he been. Back to your question, I think the one thing for Joe and I is we love a laugh. Laughter is a huge unifier for us. And one of us might be down or having a bad day, and as you can imagine, like to crack a joke, often inappropriate times, but sometimes most times it's what lifts the day. And you know, that's a huge unify for us.

I mean, he's lucky.

He's funny because he's enraging and there are there are many many times over the years when I have been flat out furious and he would wait like his timing is impeccable. He's the funniest person I know, and I've spent many years in the comedy industry, so you know, he's funny than most of the well in fact, all of the stand ups I've known him my time, and some of them are my best friends. But still, this man the funniest person I know, and he's timing.

He's purfect. So I would just give him a.

Spray like a say, of monumental proportions, and he just pause and then bang a joke and I'm.

Like, fuck you laugh now, I'm laughing.

It knows everything, because I can't.

I love a laugh as thing in the world. And most definitely God Dazz. And you know, I don't know out of the two of you, and I don't know if this is a case for all couples, but I think there's the one that people like the most right, you know, in your friendship groups, and it's always Dazz. Everyone loves Dazz. I'm happy to be the.

Person to sort of.

I'm an introvert, so I quite like sitting in the background and letting him just go. He's very, very funny and very energetic. He lights up a room, very loud.

That's my husband.

I'm the introvert.

Yeah, Joe's got a group called the Naughty Mums, and just when she goes to catch up with them, I'll get a text like an hour later, Hey dads, when are you coming over?

This so true?

Waiting for you.

Interestingly, he hasn't really got many male friends, but the women love him.

Which I love.

I love it so much for me the greatest joy and even the joy doing this podcast.

No one hears from dazz.

Because I'm the person front the center doing the waka whaka, and it just to me. He's the clever one, he's the funny one, and he's the creative one. It's just a joy to give him a microphone.

Thank you, so beautiful.

What are the values that you both really treasure that you think at the core of your relationship.

Hmmm, well, empathy is a huge one, and connecting with each other's emotions, and it's quite funny. There are times when you know, Joe who's will come to me and go, look, I'm sorry, and then there'll be a huge pause and I'll look at her and I'm going what she goes and now you okay, yes, and I am incredibly sorry for whatever happened earlier.

So true.

But I mean, I think that the thing that connects us and makes us I kind of stay. I want to stay really good friends mainly and then be I love each other very much. Is just a mutual respect and admiration. I just think he's awesome and never ever, ever, ever be resentful. I think is resemful is poison in

Which is I'm glad I've quit eating tim tams because there was a lot of resentment there.

Well, they did dark chocolate ones.

It's the dark chocolate ones. Eat and leave one.

Oh, that's grounded able for sure.

That's a big mistake. You left one.

Should have thrown the evidence out. It just takes the.

Doors in the pantry.

Don't do that.

What is there anything that's still I'm sure there is things that still surprise you about each other that you're discovering after all this time together.

Well do you know what for me?

Das Will have said for the last twenty years that he can't change. He's a person that can't change.

I am who I am.

You get all you knows me, and it would frustrate me because I'm very, very passionately growth mindset. But actually he has changed the most I think out of the two of us over the particularly the last twelve months even.

But two years he has now allie.

He would say to me, I can't meditate. It's not me, not going to do it, not even going to try. I can't do it, and I can't change. And that's who I am. And this time last year he started meditating. Now does it every day?

Wow?

Meditate every day? Do the cold shell plunge?

Or isn't that good?

I love it?

Good?

Is that so good?

You go? You go?

Do you do the whole like? And then you come out and you go, you should try that?

Now I go silence.

I go very quiet, and I'm usually surrounded by people that are very loud and they want to hear stories from what's going on, you know, and it's like I just sit very quietly. I tucked my hands under the into my armpits under the water there, so because.

I do you find your hands get really really cold? First?

Yes? Yeah, right, but now I do love it. I'm quite addicted to it actually.

Yeah.

The learning in himself has surprised me because he always told me that he.

Couldn't do it couldn't. Yeah, I loved it. But you know, big, it's interesting when I think look back to the person who said I can't change. But you know, ten years ago quit drinking because I did not want to be this person who always drink every day, affecting myself, my health, but more importantly the relationship with Joe. So you know, I love growth and change now, but when it comes to Tim Tams, I can't change.

Yeah, there's some things, just some things I can't change.

Absolutely, Sorry, what about you?

Is there anything you can't change the way I have my tea?

That's right.

I am so ridiculously specific and it annoys the hell out of everyone that knows me. But it's not it's nothing I will change.

But does that mean people never make you a tea? Then?

No?

No we no, no, no, we try. It's your doctorate afterwards.

Every now and again. But I doctor it myself.

I'll make it.

I'll make my own tea.

Sit down and go No, I have to go back.

That's not quite right.

Yeah, what's going on?

Do you have to leave the bag in or you take the bag straight out?

Do you take the bag up? But it has to be left in for a certain amount of time, and I hate it when people take the bag up too early.

And it's this week.

Oh drives me nuts. Don't give me the almond milk or the oat milk. I need milk.

My god, I am never ever making you any.

It's good food. It's only the.

Down to almost like how many grains of sugar are allowed tea? And it's like you can't you know, you can't cut a piece of wood longer. It's like you can't put too much sugar.

Start against again.

Oh, I say, I think.

I mean how you've got a very very good palette to be able to pick out, you know, the distinction between all the different kinds of.

Some would say that true, I actually get It's My mother is exactly the same with her tea, so it's the one thing.

Well, I've actually inherited a lot from my mum.

But that is one thing.

Finitely she could make a good cup of tea.

Guys, we do a thing called the two minute shower. Since we're in the bathroom so basically we're in the water conservation, we keep our the answers short, but with cold shower.

Cold so.

I'll try.

Okay, first question, please both.

Answer the question at the same time.

I need to know the no, no, no, we need to I thought there.

Was some kind of radio game where you catch out with each other. Well, you know, I've got a lot of muscular memory that I'm trying to get your heads its radio thing?

All right, first question, what is your best quality?

I laughed, My.

Humor, Yeah, I'd agree with that. Oh you, but what about your amazing brain? Honey?

Well?

Close second, my best quality is.

That's a hard question.

Compassion. Yeah, it is a superpower of mind, compassion.

And your other superpower is bringing people together.

Yes, I am really good at bringing people together such that I you know, even with broad radio or everything. Like you know, old pair people like in a podcast episode or something, and then six months later I see the two of them are now best friends and they're collaborating on an amazing projem whatever. I'll just go, yes, that kind of energy is going to work.

And then it does. I'm sorry, what are you about it? Short?

All right? What about this one?

What habit does your partner have that you find adorable?

I was about to say chewing, but it's not that.

Yeah, No, we're looking for the adorable one.

It's clearly not leaving one one Tim Tam left in the packag.

Adorable. That's a weird word.

It is in our relationship. That's why we've got a labrador, isn't she adorable?

True adorable?

Look at the way that DA's parents with for our daughter. The way he is for her is just incredible and truly adorable.

I was about to say the same thing. The way joys with her daughter as well. It's just amazing how beautiful and empathetic and loving and caring, and she just puts her arms around us so beautifully.

Love it.

What do you miss when you're not together?

My labrador? Adorable?

Yeah, I say, And I haven't we don't you know, I'm not of a generation for me, I haven't traveled on my own very much. But when I have, I miss having like his like his body next to me, like it's a sort of a he's he's just at the height with my head is next to his shoulder, and I really miss kind of having that sort of I don't know, mass you know, when we're walking along there's just the body next to me.

Because it's a kind of sexy thing to say, is that I love your mask?

It's like I don't know.

I just know when I was traveling by myself, I missed an anchor, the grounding of that.

Yeah, I'm the perfect body pillow. Uh what do I miss? There is that same thing too that when she goes well, I just missed that. There's a certain energy just that leaves the house when Joe's not there, and I just love I don't know, it's just that feeling of I don't know, it's just a beautiful energy or about her when she's around me. So I'm very grateful when she's around.

Also, I tend to organize the house as most women do.

Oh my god, I'm glad you said most.

Thank god.

Okay, last question and then we're out of here. I go sough to say to this guy. Okay, last question. Describe each other in one word?

Big loving, Oh fabulous.

I mean big big is I know this must be sure. I know he's got a big.

Laugh and a big energy, and a big brain and a big heart.

Yeah.

Perfect, perfect, Joe Stanley, Darren McFarland, thank you so much for joining us in the bathroom today. This has been amazing, great chat.

Thank you, thank you so much for having us.

Yeah, thanks, thanks guys.

I love that chat.

I love the fact that Collingwood supporters can get together with Essendon supporters and have a civil fun It's happened.

Wonderful.

We are icebreakers, you are gosh.

I love that thing about when Darren was talking about pivoting in his career and just learning from you know, the thirty whatever age he was in his thirties when he went back to the very bottom of the wrung and now you know, he's this incredible producer now. It's Yeah, I just love that messaging. I think that's so important. People think that they can't learn, you know, or start all over again in their thirties.

Of course you can in your forties or fifties.

Yeah, it's hugely encouraging, and that just the words around it. I get to do this today, you know, I get to be this, I get to do that. And it's okay. And so there he is and what they both are. They both resurrected their careers at points.

You know, Joe's brain is always going to be thinking of I think, new things and ways to help and ways to expand.

I think that's just who she is.

How fun, how fun? Well, we hope you enjoyed this chat.

Today and we will catch you on the next installment of Separate Bunth Road.

Thanks for listening.